Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

By now, it had been three days since Moomin had last seen Snufkin. He wasn’t sure if Snufkin had been consciously avoiding him or if it was just coincidence their paths hadn't crossed in a while, but Moomin was starting to miss his very best friend.

On the fourth day, Moomin was starting to suspect something was amiss, especially since Snufkin had seemed to enjoy his company a lot recently, even promising to let Moomin join him on his winter travels this year, after Moomin had agreed to spend periods of those travels in silence. Or maybe the reason for Snufkin’s absence was this time spent together, that he needed more space now? Moomin wasn’t sure.

On the fifth day, Moomin decided to pay his friend a visit. The warm rays of the early summer sun were drying the last droplets of dew, as Moomin made his way across the small bridge to Snufkin’s tent which seemed to glow almost as bright as the Queen’s emerald had, as it was lit by the bright morning. Surprisingly, the fireplace seemed cold, like it hadn’t been used in a few days.
Moomin was starting to get worried that Snufkin had left entirely, and quickened his steps towards the tent.

He did not step quietly, but no reaction came from within the tent, leaving it to the cheerful bubbling of the stream, the intermingling songs of many birds, and the faint susurrus of a light breeze skittling the leaves to paint the soundscape of this morning.
Moomin strained his ears for the metallic yet warm and expressive tunes of a certain melodica, but no matter how carefully he listened, it was not to be heard.

It seemed like he simply had to ask.
“Snufkin?”, he called out towards the motionless tent. After a moment of silence the flap opened and a slightly dishevelled Snufkin stretched his head outside.
“Oh, hello Moomintroll! What can I do for you?”

For a moment Moomin was dumbfounded, both by the question (which he could have expected, but that didn’t change the fact that he hadn’t), and by Snufkin’s appearance. It was common for Snufkin to look like he had been dragged through a bush (when in reality he had more likely just walked through or napped in it), but he rarely looked dishevelled, it was more a natural part of his appearance, belonging to him like his hat, a mysterious third thing between tidy and dishevelled.

Moomin started, realising that he had been lost in thought, and that Snufkin was staring at him expectantly. His expression softened, somehow, even further than his normal soft. “Nothing, Snufkin. I just wanted to check on you, I haven’t seen you in a while.”
Snufkin smiled. “Thank you, Moomin. I can assure you, I am quite alright.”

For a few moments they looked at each other, neither saying anything. Them Moomin asked, “Are you sure about this?”, to which Snufkin replied, “Certainly.” He had never been a good liar.

The silence continued, neither of them knowing what to say.
“Well, if you’re sure…” Moomin turned to leave.
“No, actually not”, said Snufkin quietly. “Do you want to come in?” He held the tent flap open.
At this, Moomin’s face broke into a wide smile, and he happily crawled into the small tent.

Again then sat in silence, but this time it was a comfortable silence.

“You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”
“Yes, it’s just…” Snufkin broke off. Moomin turned to face him, noticing his conflicted expression. He tried to smile reassuringly.
“It’s just that it’s hard to explain. Nothing terrible has happened, it was all just too much, but I didn’t want to leave you without a word again, but the thought of having to explain was too much too, and-” He buried his face in his hands. “I’m sorry, Moomintroll, I am no fun at all right now. I Won’t hold it against you if you’d rather play with our friends right now. I will join you once I’m more fun again.”

His smile did not convince Moomin who could not look past the tears glistening in his friend’s eyes. His face became impossibly soft.
“You do know I care about you as a person, right? Sure, I love the gaiety you bring to the valley, but I also love all the other parts of you, and I know nobody can be happy all the time. Still, I don’t want you to feel bad if I can help it.”

The silence settled back in, somehow both heavier and lighter than the previous time.

Then, a question, barely a whisper: “Can I hug you?” Moomin just spread his arms and invited his friend in who immediately took shelter in the fluffy crook of his neck.

“It’s silly… It’s just that… You know when we talked about our plans for the winter, and I said you could join me this time and all of that?” He took a deep breath. “It would be so much fun, so much really, but at the same time I can’t help thinking that I need this time to be actually alone, to not be perceived by anyone, no matter how much I like them, but i also want to go together with you, to share the experience, but-” Heavy sobs interrupted him. “But I also promised you, and I will not break that promise, but I don’t know…” He took another deep breath, and continued quietly. “I just don’t know.”

Moomin tightened his embrace. “I can’t say I fully understand, I have never felt like this, but I think I know what it’s about. Sometimes what we need and what we want are separate things.”
The movement on his neck made him guess Snufkin was nodding.

They stayed like that for a while, holding each other with wet eyes.

“I have an idea”, Moomin finally spoke up, “how about we go on a trip, just the two of us, for a few weeks in autumn? That way you can spend the winter wandering without watchful eyes constantly on you, and I can hibernate, which in the long run is healthier for me too.”
“I think I’d like that.” Snufkin pulled back a bit and smiled as he looked at Moomin.

Then his stomach rumbled, loudly, making Moomin laugh.
“I’ll go and ask Moominmamma for a picnic basket, and then we can look for a nice spot to eat and talk some more, what do you think?”
“I think you’re absolutely wonderful, and this idea is as well.”
At this Moomin flushed bright pink. “Heh, I’ll see you in a few minutes.” And he quickly took off towards the cylindrical house.

Chapter Text

Snufkin watched as made his way back to the Moominhouse, warmth filling him. What had he done to deserve such a good friend? Who waited patiently. Who let him go and yet was always there for him. 

For him, who just came and went as he pleased, utterly unreliable. And then, even when he was there, so rarely took care of Moointroll as he did of Snufkin.

Why did Moomin even still hang out with him? Did he even want to? Or did he just feel obliged to do it? Was Snufkin somehow trapping him ?

He energically shook his head. No, that was just the smoke talking. The black, heavy smoke that sometimes inexplicably occupied his mind, making him deaf to music, blind to colour, and just so, so tired.

He sat down on a log with a sigh, waiting for Moomin to return.

When Moomin returned with a filled-to-the-brink picnic basket, he found Snufkin sitting on that log, staring at his harmonica in his paws.

Soon enough, the sound of Moomins footsteps made him raise his head, and they exchanged small smiles.

“The meadow?”

“The meadow.”

Snufkin pocketed his harmonica and so they made their way to the meadow, carrying the basket between them.

They did not talk. The silence they shared however was a comfortable one, filled with knowing, curiosity, and the warmth of a friend. It was a silence that did not intrude and yet was intimate.

The meadow was spreckled with flowers in every colour. Busy bees buzzed around as they set up their picnic, the smell of freshly baked bread and cakes mixing with the scents of the flowers. 

“Moomintroll… I think I need to explain some more,” Snufkin said sheepishly after they had enjoyed the snacks in silence for a while.

Moomin just waited for him to continue.

“We have figured things out, and the solution is great, but it still hurts so much that I had to break my promise. If even a promise doesn’t mean anything anymore with me, what does?”

Ah, Moonin thought, that is probably the root of the problem. 

“Snufkin, I know you well enough to know you had every intention to keep that promise. And I know you don’t make them lightly.”

Snufkin seemed very concentrated on the blade of grass he was taking apart in his paws.

“Snuf, I’ve seen how much it hurt you. We can’t always be what we’d like to be, and that’s okay. That’s what it means to be a troll.” 

He reached out to lay a paw on Snufkin’s who pulled away after a moment. Neither of them looked at each other.

“If this happened often, it would be something to address, but once it can happen to anyone.”

After not hearing a reply for a while, Moomin looked over to Snufkin who now seemed excessively violent towards the blade of grass in his palms.

“The problem is that you’re too kind, Moomintroll.”

“The problem- What??”

“Just… Look at you! You’re always understanding and patient! You wait for me in spring, and you wait for me if I randomly disappear during summer!”

“I don’t understand the problem”

“The problem is me! Look at you! And then look at me…” Tears were running down his face again, something Moomin had hoped not to see so soon again.

“And look at me now, I’m once again a mess and you’re once again  the one comforting me! Just like every other time!”

“Hey, hey, hey, Snuf,” Moomin caught Snufkin’s paws again with his, “I said it before and I will say it again. I do all that because I want to. You’ve given me so much too.”

“Like what?” Snufkin asked wryly.

“You taught me how to sit alone with my thoughts. You showed me how the world is never never truly silent, how there is always a song if you’re willing to listen. You taught me how to make fire and find shelter, should I ever have to. You share your music and bring joy to people. You help wherever you can. You’re such a beautiful soul, Snufkin.”

Snufkin stared at him wide-eyed, then almost whispered “Thank you, Moomintroll, this means a lot to me. Sometimes I get these moods where it becomes hard to remember.”

Moomin pulled him slightly closer and soon felt the weight of Snufkin’s head on his shoulder.

“Please know that I’m there if you ever need someone.”

“I know, thank you. Truly, I appreciate it a lot. But sometimes having to explain is just too daunting…”

“Well, you won’t have to if you don’t want to, of course! You still would have to shortly let me know, but then we just could do something fun or calm, no further explanations necessary.”

Snufkin nuzzled closer. “Thank you again, Moomin. It might be worth trying. Just be warned that I’m not as fun to be around during those times.”

“But, Snuf, you’re always worth being around, no matter the mood. As I told you earlier: I love all the parts of you.”

“Oh, Moomintroll, what have I done to deserve you?”

“Being you.”

And as they looked at each other, their eyes and smiles were as bright as the early afternoon sun.

Chapter Text

“So, that’s it, then?”

“It seems like it, yes”

“So, uhhh, how do we do this?” Moomintroll wringed his hands. “I know you’ll go in this direction and I in that one, but.. I mean…”

“I know what you mean, Moomintroll, I feel the same.”

Autumn was ending around them now, the wind that already carried the first of winter’s briskness rattled at those leaves that still endured at the trees. Other leaves had already lost their fight and were sinking to the ground. And there, on the edge of Moominvalley in between stood two trolls, one Moomintroll and one Mumrik, uncertain of how to proceed.

“I have never been good at saying goodbye, but I feel I have to do it well this time.” Snufkin took a deep breath. “Moomintroll, thank you for joining me on this journey. May the path be smooth on your way home.”

Moomin couldn’t hold back his laughter, but it quickly died as he saw a shimmer of hurt flash in Snufkin’s eyes.

“Snufkin, my home is not even one hour away from here, I’ll manage.”

He took Snufkin’s paw in his. “However, I wish you smooth paths and mild weather. Thank you for taking me with you on this journey, I hope you know how much it meant to me. Take care of yourself, please, for me.” 

Snufkin put on a smile. “When have I ever not taken care of myself?” 

At Moomin’s incredulous look he conceded. “Okay, okay, I’ll take care of myself. You take care of yourself too, I want to see you doing well when I return in spring.” 

Moomin’s eyes filled with tears. ”Promise me you will return in spring?” 

“I promise.”

At that moment, Moomin flung himself in Snufkin's arms, squeezing him tightly, but let go quickly again because he felt Snufkin tense, missing however, was that Snufkin had just begun to relax in the embrace. 

Snufkin gave Moomin’s paw one last squeeze, let it go, and set off south, while Moomin turned to return to his family.