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Seonghwa sighs, staring at his bedroom's ceiling.
Once again, the day has been exhausting him to no extent.
From their dance practice first thing in the morning followed right after by their vocal practice in which he had to help the other younger members to take care and not strain themself, to Wooyoung and Yeosang bickering to decide on what they would eat for dinner.
Talking to Jongho to understand why he was so out of it lately and discovering the younger's crush for Yeosang.
Helping Yunho when his hand got stuck -he doesn't even want to ask how- in one of the chairs in the meeting right after lunch.
Cuddling Mingi when the younger came knocking on his door just half an hour earlier because he couldn't sleep.
Not to mention his constant worry for the other eldest of the group.
It may not look like it, but Hongjoong is the one that actually contributes the most in his exhaustion. Because worrying for him is -and will forever be- the thing that worns him out the most.
Their leader, only a few months younger than Seonghwa himself, of course helps him a lot in taking care of the other members, but he was and is never able to take care of himself.
Always overworking himself, practicing even after everyone else has left the room, staying late at his studio, sometimes even until the morning.
That's what happened today too.
Right after their meeting Hongjoong went off mumbling something along the lines of 'I have to finish a track' and he hasn't come back since.
The feelings he has been harboring for the younger since forever do not help at all.
Seonghwa shoots a glance at the digital clock on his bedside table and sighs once again, the numbers casting a fleble glow on the surface all around it and showing a bright '23:56'.
He picks up his phone from beside the clock and unlocks it, staring at his contact list until he finally presses on Hongjoong's name.
The phone rings once, twice, and then Hongjoong picks up from the other line.
"Hey Hwa, is everything alright?"
Another sigh.
"It's almost midnight, Joong"
A few seconds of silence followed. Seonghwa removes the device from his ear to see if he has accidentally ended the call, but Hongjoong's voice reaches him once again.
"Shit– I didn't notice. I'm coming back now. Thanks."
The soft beep from his phone signals the actual end of the call, and Seonghwa finds himself running a hand through his hair.
Is it really that much to ask?
Is it wrong of him to be wanting to be the one taken care of for once?
Be the one who doesn't have to care about whether everyone around him is getting along nicely or not, or that could whine to someone because he wants to eat a specific food when someone else disagrees. And maybe be the one being cuddled.
And not the other way around.
He is about to close his eyes when the door opens without warning, the lights from the corridor seeping through and hitting him right in his face.
Uncharacteristically, he lets out a whine as he covers his eyes with the blanket.
Normally he would sit up on the bed and ask whoever it was at the doorstep if everything was fine, but today he just can't bring himself to.
As steps approached his bed he feels tears starting to prick his eyes.
No, why now? Yeah, he is stressed, and he could use the little bit of relief crying would bring him, but he is not alone right now.
He doesn't want someone to see him like this, as much as he would like for the other to understand him.
"Hwa... Are you ok?"
Oh no. No. Hongjoong is the last person he wants to see him in this miserable state. He doesn't even know how to explain without sounding like a whiny child, so he keeps silent instead, gripping the blanket tighter from where he is holding it over his head.
"...Hwa?"
He stays silent again, hoping the other will just give up and go sleep on his own bed. However, Hongjoong seems to have other plans as he slowly but with decision holds the hem of the blanket, dragging it and freeing Seonghwa's now wet face from under it.
In an attempt to hide, Seonghwa turns his face to the bed and buries it in the pillow, but it's already too late and Hongjoong's gasp only further proves his point.
"Hwa..."
He feels the bed dip when Hongjoong sits by his side placing a hand on his shoulder. He wants him to leave, but this is Hongjoong's room too and he knows he can't possibly ask something like that.
And maybe he hopes Hongjoong will get it.
Being cuddled by none other than Kim Hongjoong... The thought briefly crosses his mind. He knows it is most unlikely to happen, but it would be... nice.
Incredibly nice, actually.
"Hwa, what's wrong?"
Oh, the gentleness in which Hongjoong is speaking to him right now. It's doing things to his heart, but he really can't bring himself to look up from his hiding spot in the soft pillow.
"Do you..." Hesitation is obvious in the younger tone, but he keeps going nonetheless, "...do you want a hug?"
That's when Seonghwa finally turns to Hongjoong with wide eyes and heart fluttering almost aggressively inside his chest.
"...yes, please." He whispers out, sitting up. He brings up an arm to rub over his wet eyes before gingerly leaning into the other.
He immediately feels Hongjoong's arms gently wrapping around his body as he rests his head on his shoulder and exhales loudly, nuzzling his face in the crook of Hongjoong's neck.
Usually, Hongjoong is never the type to give or accept skinship. It is probably the first time in years the younger has hugged him like this, without any camera around them to film, or because of the nagging of one of the other members.
And it is caring too.
It feels nice.
It's what Seonghwa wanted.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" He hears Hongjoong whisper softly beside his ear, and he doesn't remember why he didn't even want Hongjoong to see him like this in the first place.
Maybe out of fear.
He shakes his head without actually removing it from the other's neck. He's basking in his scent like it's the only thing that's grounding him right now, and maybe that's the truth, because if Hongjoong's wasn't here he would probably be sobbing alone under the covers, trying to muffle his sniffles to the best of his capabilities.
"...Joong?"
He's unsure. He really is. Because he has never asked for something like this before, not to Hongjoong, not to anyone else beside his mother when he was just a child.
But the hum the younger gives him is enough for him to try, because what does he have to lose?
"...Can we cuddle? Can... Can you cuddle me?"
He feels the grip around his body tighten as Hongjoong lets his head rest atop of his.
"Of course I can."
A relieved sigh escapes his lips as Hongjoong lowers them both onto Seonghwa's bed, struggling for a few seconds in getting under the covers himself.
Once Hongjoong is resting beside him under the blanket, Seonghwa still hesitates. Hongjoong is the one to pull him closer and embrace him in his arms, head resting with his chin right over Seonghwa's, one arm wrapped securely around his waist as the other caresses his hair gently.
"Is this what happened? Did you want to get cuddled?"
Seonghwa buries his face further in the other's chest, his hands fisting the fabric of Hongjoong's t-shirt.
"It's just... too much sometimes." he breathes out, "It's exhausting. The members are a handful most of the time and..." He bites his lower lip, unable to go on with his sentence.
"...I'm sorry." Hongjoong speaks without halting the soothing movement of his fingers running through Seonghwa's hair.
Seonghwa looks up at him.
"...I know I probably add to the stress. I still have to learn how to take care of myself. And I'm the leader, I should be the one to handle this, not you. I'm sorry Seonghwa."
Hongjoong's leans back a little to stare at him too, and Seonghwa finds himself lost in those eyes.
They hold a care, an affection, that Seonghwa has never seen in them before.
And it all feels so right right now, him in Hongjoong's arms, drowning in his scent, in his voice, that he might as well just slip and–
"I love you."
Hongjoong's eyes widen. Seonghwa's follow right after with the realization of what he just spoke. He got too fucking comfortable, too vulnerable. He messed up big time.
As he abruptly sits up a hand tugs on his wrist, making him fall right back into the younger's arms.
"...you never told me that." Hongjoong's speaks, holding Seonghwa's head to his chest without letting him look up.
"...I didn't plan on it." Seonghwa voices out.
Because really, he didn't want to confess. His feelings were something he had swore to bring to his grave, but it's too late for that now.
"Sorr–"
"I love you too."
All the air leaves Seonghwa's lungs. His breath hitches.
He feels like crying again, because that's one weight lifted off his shoulders, and lately, he has had a lot of those.
And so he does. Hiding in Hongjoong's chest, with his comforting warmth surrounding him, he lets himself go and cries to his heart's desires as the younger whispers calming and affectionate words in his ears.
Only when he stops crying Hongjoong's pulls away, and he's oh so beautiful in Seonghwa's eyes. He always was, but now, after their confessions, he is even more.
He weakly smiles and receives another smile in return, then, he rests his head on Hongjoong once again.
This is probably the best night ever in his mind as Hongjoong's fingers thread through his hair and trace simple patterns onto his back.
They should probably talk, decide what they are going to be from this moment forward, but Seonghwa is too tired to throw himself into this kind of conversation.
He lets sleep take him over; Just as he is about to drift off to dreamland, the sweet voice of his love reaches his ears and forces his eyes to open.
"Hwa?"
He hums softly, already too gone to speak actual words.
"...If I'm giving you a hard time... tell me. I'll try to be more present with the others too. And... I know I usually say I hate skinship, but... not with you. If you ever need to be cuddled again I would be more than happy to do so."
Seonghwa is smiling to himself as he closes his eyes once again, and he can't imagine a better way to fall asleep than to the feeling of Hongjoong's lips pressed softly on his forehead.