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General Hux was not someone who got invited for dinner. Subordinates wouldn’t dare asking him something like that, fearing they might overstep. Superiors or equals – and there weren’t many left of them – saw him for what he was: dangerous and ambitious. To be in a conversation with him would in the long run be the deadliest thing one could do. For when he’d find a weakness it would be exploited. He was very observant, therefore voluntarily talking with him could reveal secrets you wouldn’t want to be known by someone who would stab you in the back at an opportune moment.
Despite this – he was good. Good at pretending that he was unemotional. (Sometimes he wanted to scream until everything that was left was himself. Other times he wanted to strangle Kylo Ren or hit him in his beautiful face until he bled… and rarely he wanted to tell him how much he likes enjoys fucking him, kissing him, holding him.) Good at holding speeches. (This one time he practiced his long overdue speech in which he finally calls an end to the hated New Republic. Kylo Ren sat on his bed, naked of course, listening attentively and smiling.) Good at knowing his wants and needs. (Wanting to be emperor, begrudgingly needing Kylo Ren.) One thing he was really good at: being evil.
He never gave his first name, never felt the desire to do so. All everyone needed to know was how to address him. (He gave it to Kylo Ren in an ill-considered moment. Kylo whimpered and begged, making Hux light-headed, intoxicated with the submission of the other man, concerned with losing composure, letting the other see him losing control, moaning his name. Almost there – and then: “Call me Ben, please.” And he had whispered back the name ne never wanted to give, least of all to Ren. But then his dreaded rival cried out his first name and Hux came so hard as never before in his life. He cursed that day.)
Hux believed in the First Order. He was sure they wouldn’t fail. They would best the weak Resistance.
And in his dreams… he was emperor and ruled the galaxy with order and discipline. He had control over the entire galaxy. From time to time he indulged in a fantasy where Kylo Ren would be with him – as his right hand, of course.
Contrary to popular belief, Kylo Ren tried to control his emotions. That is to say, only those emotions he didn’t want to have. He wanted to erase the love and care he felt (for his mother, his uncle and even Hux), the regret he held for killing his father, the pull towards his original home, the wish to please and to be safe.
He found himself in a constant circle of self-indulgence and self-hate. He wanted to go to his mother, to beg for mercy, to fall at her feet. He also wanted to stay, stay in the cold embrace of Hix, relish every hated second of their heated encounters, let the desire burn him. It felt like a century that he last saw his mother. It felt like a heartbeat since he last was with Hux. The love for his mother felt pure. This love was like a lasting light he desperately wanted gone. His love for Hux was hurting. (He had accepted the fact that he loved the General a long time ago). They fought, they fucked, they raged against this demanding want they felt for each other.
The day he finally admitted that he had developed feelings for Hux was the only time he seriously considered killing him. He felt stupid when realizing his love and he had the sudden urge to cry. This– They couldn’t be. He didn’t want to have tender feelings. But soon he was deflated. Killing Han Solo had been a mistake. The strength he had expected to gain never came. He felt weaker than before. True, he chose the dark side that day. However, the light was still there. It was like a wound that festered and grew. He couldn’t get rid of it – no matter how hard he tried.
Overall he was exhausted. Tired. He had never been so tired in his whole life. The ongoing fight between light and dark side inside him was so exhausting. He was drained of anger and simply wanted to rest.
In his dreams… he was devoid of doubt. He sat on a table with only merry faces around him. His parents joined at last and happy, Luke with the students Kylo had killed, his cousin Rey with whomever she cared about and… there was Hux. He looked at Kylo like he really loved him. It made him want to cry.
Rey – the scavenger, the girl, the Jedi. She was someone who knew her way around. Nevertheless, at first she was baffled how fast she felt at home. And she did. By the force, how she did! When she came back to the Resistance base with Luke Skywalker she realized she felt like she was coming home. She saw Finn standing side by side with Poe Dameron. Before she left the base she had met Poe shortly and liked him immediately. There was a warmth that spread through her. The smile came naturally to her. Finn winked and Poe grinned. It was the beginning of something wonderful. Her life had completely changed. She now had the force that Luke helped her master. She now had a home she could always return to. She now had two men in her life who she could not bear to lose.
Rey did not feel the pull of the dark side. She knew Jedi were often tempted by the darkness (Master Luke told her so many times). She was amazed that this temptation should elude her. One evening - tangled between Finn and Poe in a bed too small for three - it dawned upon her: she had already defeated the temptation. Back in the days on Jakku when Unkar Plutt offered 60 rations in exchange for BB-8 and she didn’t take the offer. She had done the right thing. And she would do so again. There was no choice between light and dark side, not for her. From this day on she was a bit calmer. She was merely unsettled by her luck. “You deserve it, buddy” would Poe say – honestly, this pilot called everyone “buddy”, she thought fondly. He probably called even his X-wing “buddy”. The only person excluded from this rule was General Organa. Poe wouldn’t dare call his childhood hero “buddy”. Finn would just smile at her, kiss her tentatively and take her hand as if to reassure her. Poe and Finn were both warm. So much warmer than anything else she ever experienced, even the sun of Jakku couldn’t rival them.
She tried to give them what they gave to her.
In her dreams she protected them from every evil. They fought against the First Order in perfect unison. Their love for each other was enough, their devotion to the Resistance enabled them to do everything.
Finn was foremost a brave man. One that looked at the world with amazed eyes. One that shined like a light. The First Order was never a place for him. He knew that. Rationally he knew that even before he set foot on Jakku. Before the prospect of freedom (before the Resistance, before Poe, before Rey) he only had known loneliness and a feeling of being lost. Now he had a place in the galaxy, he could help people. After fleeing the Order he wanted to run away as far as possible. Run until he had no place left to run to. But then it fell apart: he wanted to help Rey, he found Poe again and he wanted to help him, too. He felt the impulse to share everything with them. He longed to see the galaxy with them, longed to share every new joy he discovered.
After he awakened from coma it took weeks for him to fully recover. Poe and Rey rarely strayed from his side. Again the unexplainable urge to smile that always came over him whenever he thought of Poe or Rey.
Finn became a loyal Resistance fighter who was respected among his fellow soldiers and trusted by his commanding officers. (At first he encountered a lot of distrust. He heard the whispers. Isn’t he a Stormtrooper? He could be a spy. He only saved one of our own so we would welcome him. His willingness to fight the First Order changed that quickly. The support of both General Organa and the famous Poe Dameron was also helpful.)
In his dreams he lay beneath a sky full of so many stars that the beauty blinded him. In a good way. His right hand held by Poe, his left hand atop of Rey’s. He wasn’t lost anymore.
Poe Dameron had a way with people. He was the best pilot in the Resistance. He would never (willingly) betray their fight. He could never betray the people he loved. Poe was a man who knew his strengths and weaknesses. He loved whole-heartedly and believed in a cause he would never stop fighting for. He was pleasant and easy company. He got invited for dinner by his fellow pilots as well as his superiors. Everyone just liked having him around. And he always got the job done.
Despite this – he was bad. Bad at showing the deep love he felt. (Rey and Finn were so giving and loving and both were better at showing their affection. He always feared he didn’t let them know often enough how much he loved both of them.) Bad at expressing his devotion. (He was inspirational through his deeds, not words. He did things to show his love. He did things to show his loyalty. He just hoped he got the message across. Other people often wanted words and Poe wanted to give Rey and Finn everything they asked for.) Bad at being fearless. (The nightmares still came. Kylo Ren raping his mind, probing, searching, seeing. Rey and Finn were always there when he woke up drenched in sweat. On top of this he had fears of Rey and Finn not returning from a mission or a trip with the Falcon.) One thing he was really bad at: being evil.
Since the three of them agreed on a relationship he planned for a meeting with his family. He was sure: Finn and Rey will be loved by his family. He’ll tell his family he found people he never knew he was looking for. The first kiss Poe gave Finn was watched carefully by Rey. Poe taught them kissing and cuddling. Rey was exceptional quick at learning and what Finn lacked in skill he made up for in enthusiasm. Their romance developed slowly but Poe had the patience to wait for what he wanted. One day Poe was really surprised as he went to their bed: Bold touches, confident caresses and passionate embraces awaited him. (Had they practiced without him? The mental image that accompanied this thought was almost too good to be true.)
In his dreams… he felt complete.