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Shi Wudu crosses his arms, glaring. “I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”
“That’s my point,” Pei Ming says, “I don’t . What you did—“
“Was for Qingxuan’s sake!” Shi Wudu exclaims. “You wouldn’t understand because you never had to watch your sibling—“
“I know , Shui-xiong,” Pei Ming says. “But an innocent life—“
“Was well worth it. It will always be worth it, if it means saving my brother.”
Pei Ming inhales sharply. “And if it comes back to bite you later? The fate-switching spell, that’s forbidden magic, it could harm you.”
“I don’t care,” Shi Wudu says. “If my brother is safe, then I don’t care.”
“Shi Wudu—“
“I’m done with this,” Shi Wudu announces. His sapphire eyes are burning Pei Ming. “I don’t ever want to speak of this with you again, do you understand that much, at least?”
“ Shui-xiong—“
Shi Wudu slams the door behind him, leaving Pei Ming in stunned silence. But he can’t help but feel like something is terribly wrong.
It’s the same sinking feeling in his gut that Pei Ming used to feel on the battlefield—like his heart is melting and slowly dripping down through his chest. It’s the feeling he gets whenever everything is about to prove worse than he could ever imagine.
But this is Shi Wudu , not a corps of soldiers. They’re in heaven, not on a battlefield. And it was an argument, not a mass bloodbath. Things will be alright, once Shi Wudu cools down.
They will.
It’s much later that night when Pei Ming gets an unexpected voice in his communication array.
General Pei!
Shi Qingxuan? Pei Ming frowns. Usually, when the newly ascended Wind Master calls him, it’s to mock him, or accuse him of something he didn’t do, but it never occurs so late an hour. Is there something—
My brother, Shi Qingxuan says. Pei Ming can hear the panic in her voice. I’m—I’m at your doorstep, I’m sorry, there was nowhere else I could go—I just—
There’s that awful feeling in his gut again. Pei Ming stands up so hard he hits his knees on the wood of the desk. I’m coming, don’t worry; I’m coming.
Please hurry, Shi Qingxuan begs him, and that’s practically confirmation that Pei Ming’s suspicions are correct.
Pei Ming races through the hallway, ignoring questions from the deputies. He can only hear two things—the sound of his shoes against marble floors and the pounding of his own heart.
Pei Ming nearly knocks Pei Xiu down to the ground as he pushes his way through the entrance hall.
Shi Qingxuan is standing by the doorway, her hands threatening to twist each other apart, biting her lip, and ten million other nervous things that make Pei Ming even more worried. “Pei—“
“Where is he?”
“Back at Fengshui Palace, but—“
“Let’s go,” Pei Ming says, grabbing Shi Qingxuan’s arm. She stumbles after him as the two of them leave Ming Guang Palace in a flurry of panic.
The two of them push through the streets of the Heavenly Capital. Pei Ming pretends he doesn’t hear the people calling out his name and asking questions. Once they get to Fengshui Palace, Shi Qingxuan leads Pei Ming on a frustratingly winding path past the Palace, and towards the gardens at the back.
Pei Ming knows these gardens well—when Shi Qingxuan isn’t around, Shi Wudu brings him here. Fengshui Palace does have the most beautiful gardens in the Heavens, with elegant water features and beds spilling the most exotic flowers Pei Ming has ever laid eyes upon.
But Pei Ming isn’t thinking about that right now. He can’t afford to be thinking about that right now.
Shi Qingxuan stops, panting, out of breath, covering her mouth with one hand as the other points to a pavilion, tucked between perfectly manicured trees. “He’s…”
Pei Ming doesn’t need another word. The cobblestones skitter under his feet. Shi Qingxuan doesn’t follow him, but he doesn’t need her to.
On the steps of the pavilion, there’s a spatter of dark brown—unmistakable. Pei Ming’s fought in too many wars to not be able to recognize dried blood.
Pei Ming squeezes his eyes shut as he climbs the steps. And then he opens them.
Collapsed, in the center of the pavilion, hair fanned out around him like an ink stain seeping into the wood floor, white robes soiled by dots of blood, there he is.
“ Shui-xiong—“
Pei Ming’s body moves of its own accord, lifting Shi Wudu into his arms without a second’s hesitation. He’s so cold . Maybe if Shi Wudu was slightly more conscious, he’d be shivering, but he isn’t. Each brush of his skin feels like someone is pouring ice directly into Pei Ming’s bloodstream.
Pei Ming carries Shi Wudu out of the pavilion, his Shui-xiong’s head leaning against his chest in a way that would, in any other situation, make Pei Ming’s heart stutter. But now, his dangerously low body temperature is only making Pei Ming’s heart beat faster and faster.
Shi Qingxuan is standing outside of the pavilion, arms wrapped around herself like she’s going to be sick, but Pei Ming can barely stand to gauge her reaction. “Is there somewhere inside we can take him?”
Shi Qingxuan nods. “His bedroom,” she says, like each word is trying not to call tears to her eyes.
Pei Ming knows the way to Shi Wudu’s bedroom. It would be stupid if he didn’t .
Shi Wudu stirs in Pei Ming’s arms, letting out a weak cough.
“Shui-xiong?” Pei Ming tries to look down at him and also navigate up a winding staircase at the same time, which isn’t entirely a good idea.
Shi Qingxuan catches up, breaths rising and falling so quickly that she might work herself into unconsciousness if she doesn’t calm down. “Is he—did he—“
“He’s going to be alright,” Pei Ming says, but he can’t tell if he’s trying to convince Shi Qingxuan or himself. And he can’t tell if he’s being honest or just blatantly lying.
They reach the door to Shi Wudu’s rooms, and Shi Qingxuan pulls the door open. The rooms smells like books and salt and Shi Wudu , but the moonlight streams in through the windows in a way that’s more foreboding than familiar.
Shi Qingxuan tugs back the sheets on the bed, and Pei Ming carefully places Shi Wudu on the sheets, though he’s reluctant to let him go, especially when the feeling of Shi Wudu drifting away for good is so real .
They’re just silent for a second, except for Shi Qingxuan’s soft gasps. It looks like she is trying and clearly failing to calm herself down, her eyes locked on her unconscious brother. “What happened ?”
“It… looks like a qi deviation.” Pei Ming swallows. “Judging from the, ah, bleeding and low body temperature.” He’s going to be alright.
Pei Ming’s mind is trapped in a familiar state that Ling Wen once aptly nicknamed ‘lucid denial’. When he knows he’s lying to himself, but also so desperately wants the lies to come true that he’s willing to believe anything.
“And what could have caused it?” Shi Qingxuan asks.
“I don’t know,” Pei Ming lies. He knows. “Let me contact Ling Wen.”
Ling Wen?
Pei, Ling Wen says. She sounds somewhere in the realm between bored and disappointed.
Would you happen to know… what are the side effects of practicing forbidden magic? Spells, I mean.
Why are you asking this? Ling Wen asks. Pei Ming imagines her leaning forward in her chair, her eyes flicking towards the spot on her massive wall of books that would hold his answer. Having trouble with an ex?
No, Pei Ming replies, I was just curious.
In that case, Ling Wen says, still sounding a bit skeptical, it depends on the magic. For minor spells, it would be something like an imbalance in qi.
And for major ones?
A qi deviation is likely, Ling Wen admits.
And what would one do if he encountered a person experiencing those symptoms? Pei Ming asks.
Is there something I should be worried about?
No, Pei Ming says, hoping he doesn’t sound suspicious. After seeing just how concerned Qingxuan is, he doesn’t want anyone else to worry, not until he has a plan. Just tell me what I should do.
Feed them spiritual energy and let their body rest. Now, Ling Wen just sounds exasperated. Honestly, you should know this, you’re a god—
Thank you, Ling Wen, Pei Ming says. Get some sleep.
Never, Ling Wen says jokingly, and severs the connection.
Shi Qingxuan sits down hard on the edge of the bed. “What did she say?”
“To give him spiritual energy,” Pei Ming repeats, “and let him rest.”
Shi Qingxuan nods, and reaches for her brother’s hand. Suddenly, she flinches back. “It’s cold. ” She wraps her arms around herself again. “He—“
“Qingxuan,” Pei Ming says, “It’s late. You should sleep.”
Shi Qingxuan shakes her head furiously. “No, I can’t leave him—“
“He’s going to be alright,” Pei Ming says, slightly more confident in the words this time. “Please, just sleep. Your brother’s going to be mad at me if he wakes up to find that you’ve been worried about him this whole time.”
Shi Qingxuan bites her lip, looking down at Shi Wudu, then slowly nods. Pei Ming watches her slip out of the room, casting one last worried glance at her brother, then leaving, silent as a ghost.
As soon as Shi Qingxuan is out of the room, something in Pei Ming snaps.
Pei Ming sits down on the edge of the bed, trying to control his sobs, but they just won’t stop . He buries his face in his hands, rubs his eyes, does a thousand other things, but it isn’t enough.
He can’t stop the feeling that this is all his fault.
I wouldn’t expect you to understand.
No, Pei Ming doesn’t understand. He doesn’t understand what drove Shi Wudu over the edge, what brought them both here, why he’s crying, why Shi Wudu isn’t waking him up and pulling him in and promising that he’s going to be alright.
Spiritual energy. Right.
Pei Ming snaps his fingers, causing his boots and all the uncomfortable parts of his armor to disappear. A handy trick, and one he’s used a devilish amount of times in this very room. Then, he slides into the bed beside Shi Wudu so the two of them are facing each other, even if Shi Wudu doesn’t know he’s there.
Shi Wudu won’t mind that Pei Ming’s in his bed. They’ve done this a thousand times before. Pei Ming reaches for Shi Wudu’s hands, and it’s still so fucking cold. Slowly, he pours a steady stream of his spiritual power—abundant, due to his strong base of worshippers—into Shi Wudu’s body.
He’s just so cold and the rise and fall of his chest is much too slow for Pei Ming’s liking and what if it doesn’t work , what if the last thing Pei Ming said to Shi Wudu was their argument, what the hell is Pei Ming supposed to do then, what’s he supposed to say to Ling Wen and Shi Qingxuan—
Shi Wudu’s eyes snap open. Brilliant, piercing, familiar, comforting sapphire.
“…Pei?” His voice is shakier than Pei Ming’s ever heard it.
Pei Ming is trying his damn best not to start crying again on the spot. “ Shui-xiong.”
Clearly, he’s failed. “You’re crying,” Shi Wudu observes.
“Well, you don’t get to scare me like that and expect me to be—“
“General Pei? Scared?” Shi Wudu laughs weakly. “What could possibly scare you?”
“Losing you,” Pei Ming murmurs, “that’s what scares me.” He squeezes Shi Wudu’s hand like he can’t ever let go. Maybe he can’t. Maybe he won’t. Shi Wudu curls closer into Pei Ming’s chest, and Pei Ming can finally breathe.
“I’m sorry for arguing with you,” Pei Ming adds. “I didn’t try to understand, and maybe I should have, and maybe this is all my fault, but—“
“It isn’t your fault,” Shi Wudu says, firmly. With anyone other than Pei, it would feel tyrannical. “This only happened because of my decisions. And I’ll stand by my choices until the day I face death with open arms. Even if it hurts both of us.”
Pei Ming groans, pulling Shi Wudu even closer to him. “It’s too late for all this philosophical talk. I just want to stay like this.”
“We can stay like this,” Shi Wudu mumbles into Pei Ming’s chest.
And stay like that, they do.
Until the sun peeks through the curtains, coaxing them into waking, and Shi Qingxuan somehow finds her way into the room, glaring daggers at Pei Ming for not telling her the second her gege woke up.
Pei Ming does call Ling Wen and inform her of everything that happened, and he receives quite the verbal beat down from her, too, but mostly, she’s just glad that Shi Wudu’s alright.
And nothing is perfect. They have a lot to talk about and talk through, later, when Shi Qingxuan isn’t around to hear.
But for now, Pei Ming is content to hold Shi Wudu into his arms until everything is alright.