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this is me trying

Summary:

Jan has never been in love and doesn't really want to be. But somehow the most important friendship in his life feels all of a sudden different than before.

A story about friendship, love and coming out.

Notes:

This is all fiction!!!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: It's nice to have a friend

Chapter Text

Once again Jan would be late to the meeting. In itself it wasn't really surprising, because he was late quite often. Sadly it wasn’t just a silly joke between his friends. But this time it wasn't even his fault. His bus had been cancelled and so he walked to another stop, only for the bus to drive away right in front of him and he had to wait for at least fifteen minutes. In the meantime, he had considered just walking to the bar where he wanted to meet the band, but it would probably be quicker to just take the bus. And he really didn't feel like walking.

Luckily, the next bus arrived on time, so Jan was finally able to get on the bus and even the air conditioning was working. Nevertheless, his shirt was sticking slightly to his body because of the heat. Jan was still not sure why Bojan wanted to go out today and had even managed to persuade the whole band to come with him.

A look at his cell phone told him that the rest of the band was already in the bar and was just waiting for Jan. He felt sorry that he once again made all of them wait for him. And if the first bus had come, he wouldn't have been late. He would probably have been there first. But the guys probably wouldn't believe him.

He almost missed his stop. Luckily, he realized it at the last moment and almost had to jump out of the bus.

Outside, the burning heat hit him again. Maybe it would be a bit cooler in the bar. That was unlikely, but one could hope.

The bar was directly opposite the bus stop, so Jan only had to walk a few steps to get there. The sun burned down on him. He pushed open the heavy door and entered the familiar bar. They almost always met here. He didn't have to look around too much before he saw his friends.

When Bojan saw him, he waved towards him happily.

“Finally, you made it,” he said as Jan snaked his way through the bar and sat down on the bench next to Nace.

“I would have been here earlier, but my bus got cancelled and then I wanted to go to the other stop and the bus drove away right in front of me and then I had to wait for the next bus,” Jan said almost defensively.

Bojan then just started laughing: “It’s OK, Janci. Your excuses are becoming more and more believable with each new story.”

Jan wanted to say something, but he just didn't know what. So he just crossed his arms in front of his chest. He could have showed them in his bus app that his bus got cancelled, but he didn’t care enough for that. Also laughing, Nace put his arm around Jan's shoulder and squeezed it gently.

“It’s okay, Janci. Next time you’ll be on time,” he said encouragingly.

Jan looked at the bassist in shock. It was new that he was making fun of him. But when Nace gave him a warm smile, he couldn't be angry at him. For a brief moment, Nace took his hand off Jan's arm to push a strand of hair behind his ear. Then he placed his hand back on Jan's upper arm. A slight tingling sensation ran through him. That was also new.

Suddenly Kris, who had been staring at Jan the whole time, asked: “Isn’t that Nace’s shirt?”

Jan didn't even have to look down. He knew full well that he was wearing Nace's shirt.

Nace squeezed his upper arm again: “I was wondering where that was. I was looking for it literally everywhere.”

“Should I take it off now or what?” Jan said grumpily.

Kris just looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

Why did he agree to the meeting? The meeting wasn’t the biggest issue right now. Of course he could have just worn something else. At first he didn't even remember that it was Nace's shirt. It wasn't until he was waiting for his bus that he noticed that it belonged to the bassist, but there was nothing he could do about the situation. He just hoped that no one would notice him. But of course Kris would notice and make a stupid comment.

“I’ll go get some beer. Anyone want to come with me?” Jure asked the group.

As soon as he stood up, Kris and Bojan stood up too. Before the three of them made their way to the bar, Kris quietly mouthed to him, "Your chance." It was probably not just Jan who heard that, but also Nace, and everyone else in the bar. Bojan asked Jure something as they made their way through the crowd.

Nace's arm was still around him and Jan really didn't want him to take it away.

"I can give you your shirt back in a few days. I'll wash it and bring it to the next rehearsal. I shouldn't have worn it," Jan stammered to himself.

Before he could stammer any further, Nace interrupted him: "It's all good. You can keep the shirt. It looks much better on you than on me anyway."

For a moment Jan just looked at him. There was another slight smile on Nace's lips. He wanted to say something else, but once again he didn't know what. Before he could think of anything, the other three came back and put a glass in front of each of them.

Nace slowly removed his hand from Jan's arm. Before he finally removed his arm from Jan, however, he gently stroked the back of the younger man's head. He almost purred like his cat. But luckily he could stop himself before he did something stupid.

“What about our camping trip?” asked Jure after taking a big sip of his beer.

“I’m not sure yet if I’m coming,” said Kris, almost disgusted.

If Kris didn't come, Jan wouldn't come either. It was that simple. He didn't feel like camping any more than Kris did, but Jure and Bojan in particular thought it was a very good idea.

"But you have to come with us. We're all going. It's going to be really fun," Bojan replied excitedly.

He had placed one hand on Kris' forearm and was shaking it gently. Maybe Jan had to call in sick.

"First of all, it's not really camping. We're sleeping in my cousin's cabin. There's fresh water and electricity. If you want to camp, you're welcome to do so," Nace added.

Jan could also live without the cabin. He didn't have to spend several nights in the middle of the wilderness with these four chaotic people. That couldn't end well. He needs to plan something with Kris, that they won’t go onto the trip. Or they could rebook the trip to a spa. That would be much more fun.

“Can we fish there?”

Of course Bojan would ask something like that.

Nace seemed to think for a moment and then nodded: "There's a small lake and there should definitely be fish there. I definitely remember fishing there as a child."

"And are you sure you can still fish there? It's been a while since you were a child," Jan said.

He didn't mean to be so mean. It just came out of him. He didn't even dare to look at Nace. Out of the corner of his eye, Jan saw confusion spread across Nace's face, but it was immediately replaced by a big grin.

“I’m not that old yet,” Nace replied with a slight laugh as he bumped his shoulder against Jan’s.

“You are not old, but can we fish there or not?”

Bojan sounded almost desperate. Fishing seemed to be a very important topic to him.

“I’ll ask Branko again in a few days.”

Bojan just nodded. Maybe he would cancel the whole trip if he couldn't go fishing. Jan could at least hope that he would do something like that.

 


 

Wearing one of Nace's T-shirts, Jan sat down at his dining table. Jan actually wanted to go home to his home, but all the buses were cancelled, so he could have either called a taxi or slept on the sofa at one of his friends' houses.

Normally Jan would have slept at Kris', but Kris' little sister, who had a pretty serious fight with her parents and wanted to leave home for a few days, and Bojan were already sleeping at Kris'. Actually Jan deserved to sleep at Kris' more than Bojan, but he didn't want to argue with his friends. Nace said that it wouldn't be a problem if Jan slept at his place. He didn't have a guest room and his sofa was too small for Jan, but he did have a very big bed. It also wouldn't be the first time that Jan slept at Nace's play or that they shared a bed.

If Jan had known that he wouldn't be sleeping at home tonight, he would have taken clothes with him for the night. It wasn’t a problem for Jan, to wear Nace’s clothes. They were quite comfy.

“I only have gluten-free bread,” said Nace as he came out of the small pantry.

He was holding a packet of bread in his hands. Jan just shrugged his shoulders slightly. He had no choice but to eat it. Jan could have gotten a kebab on the way, but then he would have felt guilty towards Nace.

It wasn't his fault that he was hungry now. He hadn't chosen it himself.

"Or would you rather have yogurt? Or a banana or something? Otherwise I could cook you pasta, but I also only have gluten-free ones."

Nace looked a little overwhelmed with the situation.

Jan staggers slightly: “I can eat anything.”

At the same moment, he took the bread from Nace's hand. Nace looked at him for a moment. He was also wearing a T-shirt and his hair was sticking out slightly. He had also swapped his contact lenses for his glasses. Maybe he should wear his glasses more often. They always made him look softer.

Then Nace turned away again and looked for some other things. Shortly after he out a plate and a knife in front of Jan onto the table.

“What would you like to eat on your bread?”

Jan shrugged slightly: “Do you have cream cheese?”

Nace nodded and went to the fridge to get not one but two packages of cream cheese and put them on the dining table in front of Jan. Now that was a real luxury. Jan only had one type of cream cheese, if at all, and then only the own brand ones.

"Anything else?"

For a moment they just looked at each other until Jan shook his head. Nevertheless, Nace turned around again and took two glasses from the cupboard to fill both with water and place one in front of Jan before he sat down on the opposite side of the table.

You could tell that Nace was tired and Jan was an idiot who only kept him awake longer than necessary. He could have just gone to bed hungry. That wouldn't have killed him.

"You can go to sleep now and I'll come after I finished eating. I know where everything belongs," Jan stammered to himself.

It was somehow new that he was nervous in front of Nace and couldn't find the right words. He was always a bit more nervous when the bassist was there, but somehow it has gotten worse recently. Jan also feels a slight tingle in his stomach more and more often. Never before had he felt anything like that and he could really live without it.

Nace shook his head slightly: "It's all good. I'd be happy to stay awake with you."

And once again he smiled at Jan, making his stomach tingle. But that was only because he was hungry. That must be exactly what it was.

"But it would probably still be good if you ate now. You were just saying that you were almost starving to death," said the bassist with a quiet laugh.

Jan felt his face warming up. Even the tips of his ears felt warmer than usual. Jan awkwardly opened one of the two packages of cream cheese and wanted to spread it on his bread until he noticed that he hadn't taken a slice of bread yet. Nace had also noticed this and was already opening the package of bread and taking out a slice to put on Jan's plate. Then he closed the package again.

“Am I only allowed to eat one slice of bread?” Jan asked, almost outraged.

For a brief moment, panic appeared on Nace's face.

Then he shook his head and laughed: “You have to pay for each additional slice.”

Now it was Jan who looked at him in shock. Like a stubborn child, he reached for the bread packet and took out another slice. He didn't look at his bread for a single second while he spread cream cheese on one and put the other slice on top. Instead, he looked at Nace the whole time. There was a slight smile on Nace's lips.

Jan provocatively took an extra large bite of his bread and said exaggeratedly, “mmm, I’ve never eaten anything better.”

They both knew that was a lie because Jan complained every single time he ate the gluten-free bread. It just wasn't as tasty as it should be. Way too dry.

Nace leaned slightly over the table and looked piercingly at Jan: “Have you already thought about how you want to pay for this?”

His gaze wandered slightly across Jan's face and lingered on Jan's lips for a second too long. He wasn't sure if this was all still fun or not.

At that exact moment, Jan obviously choked on the bread. That happened every time he ate that stupid bread.

Jan started to cough and tears formed in his eyes. Stupid ass bread. Of course, Nace jumped up immediately and gently patted the younger man on the back.

“You need to drink something,” Nace said seriously.

And with that, the moment was over. Actually, the moment was already over when Jan choked on the bread. And somehow he wasn't even sure if they had had a moment at all. They had just been having a little fun. Nothing more.

When Jan had calmed down and taken a small sip of his water, Nace sat down opposite of him again.

“If only you hadn’t been so greedy.”

Jan looked at the bassist in shock. What if he just throws the stupid face at Naces face? He would deserve it. But he couldn't stay angry for long, because Nace looked even more tired than before and he would surely have been asleep for a long time if Jan wasn't there.

He would just finish his bread in peace and then they would go to sleep. Maybe he would try to wake up before Nace in the morning to prepare a nice breakfast for him. But he wasn't quite sure yet.