Chapter Text
“…everybody is happy; ‘cept for Derek, who is…never happy.” Stiles said under his breath, flippantly.
I looked at de-aged Derek through the glass window. We were inside dad's office and I hoped it was soundproof so that he couldn't hear my brother. He sat forlornly on the bench with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders (it was Deputy Jordan, bless him) and somehow, I just couldn’t take it anymore.
So after all those months (or years, I was not sure any more) silently screaming at them in my head, I finally exploded at a relatively innocuous of Stiles’s barbs.
“When will you stop being an utter moron for one second when Derek is concerned?” The protest burst through my lips before I could swallow it down. Both Scott and Stiles turned towards me, utterly dumbstruck. Yes, you jerkface, your sister could, apparently talk.
“What???” Stiles broke the silence first.
“What do you mean?” Scott bristled in all his righteous anger!
“What I mean is…” I closed my eyes and took a calming breath. I needed it to organise my thoughts which were going utterly haywire for what I was going to say was important. Also it was not easy to break the lifelong habit of being the non-talkative one, the silent one, the always-hovering-in-the-background-but-never-taken-notice one, the non-challenging one…and become one who was strong enough to stand up to Scott and Stiles, who were undoubtedly great and God knows I loved them both, but something had gone on too long and I knew I had to put an end to it. Right now!
“What I mean is what else does he have to prove to be in your good graces? Does he need to take a bullet for you by physically standing between you and whatever enemy you are facing, shielding you with his body, distracting them? Oh wait…he has already done that.” I lashed out, each word distinct and clear so that the message got across loud and clear. “Or he has to actually DIE from the wound and only then you will get it. Or probably even then…” I stroked my chin deliberately. “You would probably want to write on his headstone: Here lies Derek Hale, wearer of leather, creeper, stalker and lurker, beloved by nobody, fond of banging people’s heads against the steering wheel, allergic to happiness, amen!”
I turned my burning eyes towards Stiles. “You would like that wouldn't you? That would be just like you.”
Stiles tried to open his mouth. Oh no, you were not getting off that easily.
“You,” I pointed towards Scott. Stiles might be my brother, but Scott was no less, and I had to drill some facts past his thick skull today, right into his stupid brain. “he has shown nothing but kindness to you since the day you met, even if his face wore a scowl. He returned your inhaler, didn't he? Remember, I was there! I saw it. It was such a small gesture, but it proves he is not a jerk.” I breathed in and out again. I didn’t even know if I was making any sense at all!
“Allison, you remember Allison…” My eyes had started to sting. “He knew she was the niece of the murdering bitch Kate Argent, he knew she was the daughter of Chris who bullied him constantly, without rhyme or reason, broke his God damn car window, again for no reason…but it didn't stop him from trying to keep her safe, from YOU.”
“I wouldn’t have hurt her.” Scott growled.
“Oh you would. You almost killed Stiles…yes, I know that too.” Both Stiles and Scott winced at the memory.
“Hunters would have got you if he hadn't taken them out and drag you to safety. That is just ONE time I am talking about and how did you repay him?” I was suddenly aware of a pair of wide, startled eyes watching me. I looked up and I saw de-aged Derek, the 15-year old Derek with all the innocence in the world, looking at me, leaning against the doorway with Dad and Deputy Parrish standing behind him and bafflement was written all over their faces. Oh fuck, now my eyes were spilling over.
“When he came to you for help, Stiles wanted to let him die on the road. Scott said -” I bit down my lips to keep me from screaming, “Scott said if he died it wouldn't be a bad thing.” Derek’s eyes were bugging out of his head.
“Vi, is it really necessary right now?” Dad tried to interject.
“Damn right it is dad. We are always running from one danger to the other. When do we have the fucking time to sit down and discuss? It has been long overdue.”
I looked back at them. “You accused him of murder, and the second time, deliberately, knowing full well he was innocent. He should have bit your heads off and instead he helped.” My voice broke on the last word.
“When he took Jackson to the Hale house for threatening him for YOU,” I pointed my finger at Scott, “were being blackmailed by him, you decided to play the knight-in-shining-armour when all he wanted was to keep you safe. And then he faced the hunters knowing what was there in store for him, simply to let YOU get away.” I sobbed. I couldn't help the tears any more and I was not even bothered by them.
“He was hunted down and tortured and constantly being pushed to a corner and he had nobody – no Stiles, no Allison, no parents, no siblings, no anchor at all and still he didn’t run wild. He always tried to protect the innocent even at the cost of his own life, but all you could see in him was a monster, a killer, a person whom you can yell at and vent your frustration and he took it all in like the black ink of pain that he takes from others, he took it in and he never lashed back. He just bowed his head and dug his heels deeper into the ground and found out new ways to help you.”
“We saved his ass -"
“Oh yes.” I rounded up on Stiles. “Damn right you did. Out of a sense of duty, like you would save the life of Jackson, somebody you despise and look down upon, like you are doing him a favour. Don’t forget Stiles before you held him up in a swimming pool for two hours, he had stood between you and the kanima and he turned his back on kanima, against all his instincts, to physically shove you away from it and that is how he got scratched in the first place, while trying to save you, again. When Allison was brainwashed by Kate and threw arrows at Scott, he tore out arrows from his own flesh so that he could drag you to safety.”
“What are…”
“What I am trying to say is when he said ‘we are brothers now’ he really meant it.” I shouted at Scott, “but it was never like that for you. He loves you Scott, granted he has a shitty way to show it. He would put his body between you and an oncoming bullet any given day, not out of any abstract idea or duty or honour, but because he loves you…all of you…each one of your crappy pack. Hell, do you know he shielded Chris, his mortal enemy, with his own body, when the bomb went off at the police station. I was there, I saw it. He had fucking splinters all over his back and he could have died. He didn't hesitate even for a second….and he kept on saying ‘I am fine’…” I choked on my tears.
“And happiness, Stiles” I turned towards him. “You still miss mom right?” Stiles flinched and I knew it was a low blow, but he had to see.
“Remember he was once like you and Scott. He laughed without a care in the world, he played basketball, he whistled and sang out-of-tune songs, he fell in love…and then his entire family was wiped out. IN FIRE. Can you even begin to imagine the pain?” I heard a sound and whipped my head towards the door to see Derek gone limp and would have fallen face down on the linoleum if dad had not held him by the shoulders and settled him down gently on the bench.
I walked towards him, sat down by his side and pulled his left hand on my lap.
“You didn't have to tell him that.” Scott’s voice was low and menacing. But it would not work for me today buddy. I was far too furious.
“He has a right to know.” I said quietly, gripping his hand tightly, knowing it was probably not helping at all.
“How can he be ever happy?” I wondered aloud. “How can he trust anybody after what Kate did to him? To a fifteen year old boy?” I looked into their eyes in turn. “It was a rape you know? Rapes don’t need to be non-consensual. She seduced a 15-year old boy, while hating his very guts and using him to murder his own family.”
Derek sucked in a breath, but I was not finished yet.
“Yeah, happiness, bring it on! Especially when Kate went scot-free and it was the victim who became a fugitive. Kate hunted him in his own house. Electrocuted him with cattle-prod and God knows what else she did to him beside the physical torture and that was a rape, once again. Jennifer pushed herself onto him when he was at his most vulnerable self. He completely surrendered to her only to be used by her too. You see a pattern forming, Stiles, you are so fond of finding out the patterns.” I raised my eyes at my brother.
“Then of course, there was the brilliant true-alpha Scott, who forced Derek to bite Gerard, never disclosing to him anything about his back-up plan.”
“I didn't know it either.” Stiles protested.
“You were not the one being forced to give Gerard ‘the bite’ and waiting to be slaughtered like a dog.” I glared at him. “You used him and you stripped him of his dignity. Isn’t that what a rape is? Stripping somebody of his dignity?” I spat at them.
“When he was forming a pack because he only wanted to stop feeling helpless, you accused him of power play. Well, didn't the Alpha pack offer him exactly that? They made their point even better by skewing him through a rod, didn't they, until he gave his consent? They only let him go because Deucalion was convinced Derek would bleed out, to the last drop, rather than join them. Some power-hungry monster he turned out to be.” I mocked.
“And when he was possessed by the Nogitsune, he could have killed Chris instantly, but he held on.” I turned towards the door which was by now filled by the tall frame of Chris Argent, looking at me with his unnerving light eyes like he was seeing me for the first time.
“But he didn't kill you right away, did he?” I said quietly. “He played with the lighter, threatened to burn the building down around you but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. He was subconsciously giving you the time to break free for in some corner in his mind, he was fighting it.” Chris nodded his head imperceptibly.
I knelt down on the floor in front of Derek, who was just sobbing quietly and heartbreakingly and held his hands.
“All you did was to accuse him that how he was not a good alpha or good whatever you wanted him to be. You know he tried. God damn it! He tried so hard to have a pack and keep them together and to protect them and to nurture them. He tried so hard to save everybody…only he didn't say it in so many words. Scott may be your hero, but he is your fall guy Stiles.” Derek did not look up. I was not even sure he was listening.
“Ironically, he had nothing but good things to say about you Scott.” I smiled through my tears. “Do you know what he told the twins when they were trying to join your pack?” I heaved a sigh. I knew I needed to stop, that I was rambling on endlessly, but I was helpless. I knew I had to get it out of my system or I would burst.
I looked at the boy who was looking so lost and broken and helpless that it was breaking my heart all over again. “You are a very gentle and caring soul Derek,” I whispered to him. “Don’t anybody let you convince otherwise.”
“My eyes flash blue.” Derek whispered back. “Do you know what that means?”
I did know what that meant. A werewolf's eyes flashed blue if they took an innocent life. In Derek's case, it was a mercy kill which he was compelled to do when the girl he loved got bit by a werewolf and instead of turning, was dying in horrible pain. Peter had told us how Paige had begged Derek to take her life to stop the pain and how Derek tried to take his own life, unsuccessfully, after giving in to her request.
“Oh…Derek, it doesn't matter what colour your eyes are.” Would the tears ever stop falling, I wondered for a brief second. “It was not your fault. You got played. You were young and in love. You wanted the best for her and yes, you were a little selfish.” I couldn't tell anything but the full truth. Derek deserved that. “But you are 15-year old. You are allowed not to act like a martyr.”
“Kate was not your fault.” I murmured again and Derek’s entire body went rigid. “Nothing was your fault. It is just that this world has too many monsters who wear smiling faces.” I wanted to hug him tight, but I remembered Jennifer and just squeezed his hands instead. He fell for Jennifer because he was starved of normal human contact. He was not used to be touched with love and gentleness. Underneath it all, he craved the warmth of a comforting hand. He was just twenty-three, practically a kid still for God’s sake. That was why it was so easy to manipulate him. He was so strong and so fragile at the same time!
“Give me your pain.” I said suddenly and Derek looked at me, startled. “You can take pains from others. Does it work in reverse?” I asked earnestly. “Give me half of your pain, for you don’t deserve any of it. You are good Derek, do you understand. You have an invincible heart. A heart that is strong and unique and yet it beats for others, a heart that is not afraid to trust even if it is betrayed over and over.” I squeezed Derek’s hands again. “You can give me some of your pain, if you want.” I repeated.
Derek was looking at me with an expression that so much resembled that of a deer caught in headlight that I had another tirade rising in my mouth, but I held them back. I let my tears flow freely though, not bothering to wipe them.
“Is my family…”
“Yes,” I said, as gently as possible, as if it would make any difference.
He suddenly heaved forward and before I could catch him, he was gone, towards the bathroom.
“You are still just standing here? Help him,” I glared at Scott who scampered towards the bathroom as well. Chris was nearer and he beat them to it.
I finally allowed myself to look at my brother. I could almost see the wheels turning in his head.
“Don’t” I held up my hand. “Just try to…” I choked up again and whatever I was going to say ended up in undignified whimpers.
“I didn't know you feel so strongly about him.” Stiles sounded stunned. Yes, why would he expect that from his wallpaper of a sister who was less intelligent, less witty, less brilliant and less everything in general but who just hovered at the background and observed, never actually having any say in any matter whatsoever.
“You love him.” He was still shocked.
“What is there not to love?” I raised my eyes at him, daring him to contradict. “The fact that he is rough around the edges, that he is not sunshine and puppies like Scott? The fact that his most favourite look is glaring? You of all people know he is all bark and no bite. You know his heart is in the right place, more than right, in fact and that he might be somewhere in the vicinity of being the hero of the story and not the ever-lurking, creepy anti-hero, an antithesis to Scott the great?”
“I am sorry.” Stiles mouthed. “I…” he opened and closed his mouth in a helpless fashion. Well, Stiles – speechless, was a thing to behold and I felt vindicated that my theatrical rant produced a little bit of guilt that was radiating from Stiles right now.
A heartbreaking howl from the direction of the bathroom startled us both and we were sprinting towards it at the same time.
When we reached there, we saw Chris kneeling down on the bathroom floor cradling a sobbing Derek whose face was buried into his chest and his hands were clutching at Chris’s jacket like he was drowning. Chris was rocking the sobbing boy back and forth murmuring low in his ears…and his eyes were glossy! In spite of myself a little bit of warmth started to seep into my limbs from my heart.
Derek’s head snapped up suddenly and he looked at me through red-rimmed eyes. I felt wind knocked out of my lungs for it hit me like a physical blow. I would do ANYTHING to lessen his pain right now.
He held out one hand to me and my knees buckled. I crawled the distance and held his hand and gave it a squeeze.
“Your…name…” he mumbled.
“I am Wiga, Stiles’s twin sister.” I said. “But everybody calls me Vi.” I paused. “You go with Chris. He would take care of you. He has also lost his entire family, but he is strong. He is good for you Derek.” ‘Maybe he loves you too.’ I added silently. Chris’s face was turned away now and I couldn't see it, but I believed every word I said and I didn't need to see his expression to know I was right.
“Goodbye…take care. Will see you around.” I gave a final squeeze to his hand before letting it go.