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The first thing Sakura did when he woke up was to check his messages. It became a routine, otherwise he’d get chewed out about not keeping up with Bofurin’s activities. It was such a hassle, mostly because he had to pass through mountains of useless messages and weird stickers, and the worst part was the voice messages. That was where he drew the line, no way in hell he’d listen to any of those – last time he did, it was a three minute recording of someone badly singing some obnoxious shit.
There was nothing different for today’s schedule, but he had a few messages from Kaji, so he checked to make sure. Sometimes he did send him important messages privately, though it seemed like it wasn’t the case today. Just a good night that he’d missed before going to sleep, then a link, no doubt to a song, that Kaji sent way too late. He didn’t want to listen to it, knowing Kaji’s taste it’d be too loud for someone who just woke up, so he made a mental note about it. He knew there was technically a way to save it for later, but he couldn’t remember how to do that at the moment.
He pondered sending a good morning in return, but that felt embarrassing. He’d see him at school anyway, so what would be the point in doing that? It didn’t make any sense, yet he knew it was a normal thing to do in a relationship, as evident by the message he was currently looking at.
He started typing, but then deleted everything. His pathetic attempt discouraged him because he was aware of how badly he was dealing with this relationship. They might as well not be dating, he thought bitterly as he put down the phone, with the little progress that they were making? Might as well…
He shouldn't dwell over stupid things. He should be dragging himself out of bed and getting ready for school. There, his uniform jacket and pants were hung up on the curtain rod, he only had to pull a t-shirt out of the pile of unfolded shirts in his closet. Despite that, uneasiness settled heavy in his chest. What if Kaji was holding back because he was being considerate…? What if he was matching Sakura’s pace, not choosing to say anything…? That scared him because he…didn’t want that. He’d been spending his entire life being on edge, so being allowed in his comfort zone for so long weakened him. He didn’t even try…
That wouldn’t do, he told himself and picked up his phone from the floor. He forced himself to send the message and was able to sigh in relief after that. Just a small step though, he shouldn’t be satisfied with that!
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When he arrived at class, he was surprised to see Suou absent and, instead, Nirei was speaking enthusiastically with Tsugeura. They were so immersed in their conversation that Nirei almost hit Sakura with his hand when approached them. The closest he’d get to ever landing a hit on Sakura and even that fell short, Sakura thought as he stopped his hand.
“Oh, Sakura-san, I didn’t see you! Good morning!”
“Good mornin’, Sakura-kun!”
They both greeted him with too much energy for a Tuesday morning. He acknowledged them by nodding quickly and then sat by his desk. He figured they’d continue their conversation, but they didn’t.
“Sakura-san, are you…okay?”
“All good.” He answered as he scrolled through his chat log mindlessly.
“But you seem upset over something?” Nirei couldn’t ignore it.
“Whatever it is, ya can just tell us!” Tsugeura joined in.
“None of your business.” Sakura growled at them. Ah, fuck, it really bothered him that much if that was his immediate reaction. “Just…nothing…” He slumped in his seat.
“No! It’s clearly upsetting you, so let us help!” Nirei grabbed his arm, ignoring any common sense regarding personal space, but Sakura was already used to that happening.
In all honesty, Sakura was doubtful. This was Nirei and Tsugeura, it didn’t take a genius to know that their advice would be…unusual, if he had to put it nicely. They had a tendency to feed off each other’s excitement to the point they lost sight of their original goal, so no, Sakura did not want their help.
“Yeah! We’ll help ya!” Now Tsugeura was invading his personal space, too many people! Sakura tried to distance himself, but they just leaned closer. Fuck, he might as well listen to them and then dismiss everything they say. They didn’t need to know.
“Sure, whatever.” The hard part was admitting out loud that he wasn’t happy with the slow pace of his relationship. “I just…” He fiddled with his sleeves as he tried to put his thoughts into words. “The whole relationship deal…”
Fortunately, it appeared these four words were more than enough for them to get it. Well, Nirei, at least, because Tsugeura was still waiting for him to continue.
“I get it, Sakura-san! It must’ve been hard on you.” Nirei nodded with empathy. “I think what you’re lacking in is mostly experience, isn’t that right?”
“Oh! That’s so smart of you, Nirei-kun!” Why was Tsugeura getting excited over that?! He didn’t even have anything to do with this problem!
“Okay, assuming you’re right, how can I…” Sakura was willing to entertain them just for a bit longer. He wasn’t curious at all, no – he was just listening…! Nothing more! “Gain this…e-experience…?”
“Ah, I’m glad you asked! I think the best way is to do extensive research, and wouldn’t a bookstore be the best source of information?” He presented his idea like it was the best plan in the world, but Sakura was screaming internally. Who would want to go to a bookstore!
“No, I don’t wanna – “
“Nirei-kun! That’s a great idea!”
“Hold on, listen to me – !”
“Yes, and I know just the right place for that!”
“Hello?! You guys…!”
“Alright, then let’s all go together after school today!”
Sakura was about to bang his head on the desk. He should’ve never gave them the opportunity to talk, but now they were already planning everything out, without his input whatsoever.
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When he woke up that morning, he didn’t imagine ending up at a bookstore, of all places. He had better use for his time, but Nirei begged to differ. Before Sakura could ditch them, Nirei found him somehow, like he knew exactly where Sakura went. Then again, he should’ve expected that, he probably had a list of the places Sakura loved to frequent at school somewhere in his notebook.
Not only was he unwillingly dragged to a bookstore, he had to travel all the way out of town, because Nirei’s favorite bookstore wasn’t in Makochi. He didn’t account for the traveling expense, but more than anything, he didn’t account for the traveling companions. They were talking loudly about the most boring topics in the world. He could’ve been at home already, doing something more productive! Like…walking! Or…something else!
“There it is!” Nirei pointed at the store and they entered. It was empty, save for two employees who were stocking books. They were greeted by the employees, before Nirei quickly walked to a specific section.
“That’s a bad idea.” Sakura grumbled. “You know I don’t like to read, right?” He mentioned it at least ten times in the past hour, just to drill it into Nirei’s head that he wasn’t going to read some book about love advice.
“Ah, but of course, Sakura-san.” Nirei put his hands on his hips, probably aiming for that confident pose, but rather nailing the dorky one instead. “You don’t need a book.”
Looking at the shelves next to them, Sakura noticed these were manga. Oh, that made…more sense. Except it really didn’t, because how would a manga help him…?
Nirei, still unbothered by the small holes in his plan, scanned the shelf and once he found the one he wanted, he took it from the shelf and handed it to Sakura.
“What is…AH!” Sakura yelped and dropped the book on the floor after seeing the cover. “YOU…!”
“Shh!” Tsugeura hushed him. “We have to be mindful of the place!”
“That’s not a library, Tsugeura-san…” Nirei told him. He bent down to pick up the manga. “And you ought to be careful with the merchandise, Sakura-san!”
“I-I can’t help it!” He looked nervously at the manga in Nirei’s hands. “T-they were…they were…” He gulped. “K-k-kissing!”
“Ah?” Tsugeura took a look at the cover himself. It presented two guys kissing rather passionately with some cheesy title. “They are!”
“Yes, that’s the point!” Nirei said. “Don’t you want to learn about kissing?”
“No!” Sakura’s face heated up. “I don’t know!”
“Sakura-san…” Nirei said disapprovingly. “You can’t take a step towards a goal if you don’t set the goal in the first place.”
Fair point, but Sakura believed there were better ways than that.
“Look!” Tsugeura shoved another manga into Sakura’s face. This one had a less provocative cover, with the two guys staring at each other. “Apparently this one is about delinquents!”
“Good find, Tsugeura-san! Let’s buy this one!”
How in hell did it come to buying rather than browsing, Sakura couldn’t tell. He was being manuvored towards the register by Nirei and Tsugeura, because that kissing cover still affected him.
“Uh…” The cashier was at loss for words when they asked to purchase that specific manga. Three guys asking to buy a BL manga was a rare sight, after all, and maybe it was a good thing they came all the way here instead of looking for manga in town. If there was one thing he was certain about, Sakura would never set foot at this store again. NEVER again.
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He almost thought about throwing that manga as soon as he was home, but that shit cost more money than he’d expected. He didn’t usually buy manga, so he didn’t know it was this expensive, that was like…two curry breads! Fuck! He stared angrily at the manga that was currently lying on his floor and cussed it in his head.
But he already bought it and under no circumstances was he willing to go back to that bookstore and return it. He’d rather shove it in his closet and forget about it.
Still…what if Nirei was right? The doubt gnawed at him. Maybe it can help.
Begrudgingly, he opened some random page to check and just his luck, it was another kissing drawing.
“Damn it!” He slammed the book shut. He should’ve never listened to that idiot!
He paced in his apartment for about fifteen minutes, stared outside the window for ten more, and spent far more time than should be okay groaning to himself. Only after that, he was able to approach the manga once again, very cautiously, and start with the very first page.
Thank goodness, there was nothing that’d make him red in the first pages. It was mostly an info dump about the characters, two guys in rival gangs, which certainly didn’t help him. They were harboring deep hatred towards each other, but also were uncomfortably close when they spat vulgarities in each other’s faces. At least they loved to fight? That could be…helpful…maybe…Sakura wasn’t sure because he was distracted by their looks. They were too pretty in his opinion, all of them, even the mob characters. He didn’t think of himself as particularly attractive, perhaps he could call Kaji handsome, but only when he wasn’t wearing that angry expression, so the odds weren’t in Kaji’s favor for that one as well.
At least the first chapter was semi interesting, with it opening in a fighting scene. Sakura had to compliment the artist for making the fight look realistic enough, he believed he could execute some of the moves himself. It flowed well, until they stopped fighting and started kissing for some reason!
“So that was that one…” He mumbled to himself and covered his face with his hands. “Why would you kiss in the middle of a fight!” His eyes were still closed and he refused to open them. The kiss was unexpected! He was enjoying seeing that one dude with the short hair kicking the other’s ass, and then, out of the blue, they decided to kiss!
He gathered his courage to look at the page one more time, trying to actually study it, but his head was full of thoughts about kissing after this afternoon, and he only managed one minute.
“I’ll continue…on another day.”
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He was supposed to train with Kaji…
It was their weekly training and the entirety of the Tamon group gathered for it. Students would usually train with their class due to the hierarchy, but Sakura didn’t care for informal rules and always challenged Kaji. So much so that he no longer had to ask, Kaji stood in front of him and they started fighting without saying a single word.
This time, however, it was…slightly different.
“What’s the matter?” Kaji frowned when Sakura didn’t move an inch from his spot.
“Ah…” In his head, all he could see was that damn kissing scene, right when they were fighting, and then he couldn’t help but imagine himself with Kaji in that situation. “I think…I’ll train with my class this time…” He said weakly, with his face red all the way to his ears.
“Huh? Sakura?”
Sakura turned his back and pretended he didn’t hear Kaji calling him.
This manga could single-handedly ruin his life…
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He was already angry with it, but he thought that maybe something would change if he could read the manga from start to finish.
“It can’t be that bad…” He opened the last page he’d read and forgot it was the fucking kissing part. He turned the page so quickly that it almost tore off. “Ugh…”
The next chapter started innocently enough, the guy with the longer hair was walking down the streets looking very edgy and miserable. Maybe he didn’t like that kiss, Sakura concluded, nothing hinted that it was about to come, so Sakura imagined he’d have the same reaction if that happened to him. The internal monologue kept talking about some shit related to their territory and how he couldn’t like someone from a rival gang, Sakura didn’t know why that was relevant. According to the info dump from the previous chapter, it didn’t seem like they were in a gang war, so would it matter if they got along? Unless the long haired dude was thinking about expanding his territory, Sakura had a feeling he had other preferences though.
Then the other dude entered the scene and…shoved him up against the wall…?!
“What!” Sakura squeaked. “Are they gonna…?” He was on his edge, flipping the page, just to see them so close. Not kissing, just intensely staring, right next to a huge crowd who looked at them. “That’s…” He buried his face in his hands. “That’s…too much!”
He couldn’t read the words because the conversation between them was about that kiss, with lines that made Sakura’s heart beat up like crazy. For a chapter devoid of any real content, it was sure as hell unhealthy for Sakura!
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Sakura was on his way to school, holding a curry bread in one hand – an actual good use of his money – and a plastic bag that contained his lunch. He was munching on his curry bread when he saw a familiar figure in the distance.
Ah, that’s Kaji…
But he was listening to music on his headphones, so even if Sakura shouted at him, he wouldn’t hear that. In the oddest manner of coincidence, just as he let go of the idea of calling out to him, Kaji turned around and noticed him. He waved at Sakura and slowed his walking so Sakura would be able to catch up with him.
“Hey, what’s up?” He took off his headphones.
“Everything is fine.” Sakura’s throat was dry all of a sudden. To his right, he saw a bricked wall, very similar to the manga in the manga and – fuck. His brain was working overtime replaying those images, until he profusely blushed at nothing but his imagination.
“Are you sure…?” Kaji extended his hand, trying to do something. What thing, that Sakura would never know because he took a shaky step back.
“A-anyway, I’ll go to school now.” He took off without waiting for Kaji’s response.
“Hold on, you idiot!” Kaji yelled after him. “I am also going – oh, for fuck’s sake!”
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He managed to avoid Kaji all day and he actually had to try. Kaji was looking for him, with that murderous expression, according to Suou. That was the only reason his friends agreed to help him hide, they realized the situation must’ve been severe if it came to that. Nirei looked confused when Sakura ordered them to shut up about his location if Kaji asked, as though he wanted to ask if that manga didn’t help.
But Sakura glowered at him until he understood that he shouldn’t bring up the topic next to Suou. He was already in trouble explaining why Kaji was so pissed off, he didn’t need to add more fuel to the fire.
Maybe this is the one! He promised himself that the third chapter would be the last. Third time’s a charm, after all. What was the meaning of this one should’ve been his main concern, but at this point, he was too deep in to question himself.
After that whole wall shoving, the longer haired dude was, rightfully, enraged. He refused to speak to the other guy and basically ignored any attempt at reconciliation.
“At least someone has common sense.”
The guy with the shorter hair was persistent, though, and the next thing he’d done was to buy the other man a drink. As if that would amount to a good apology! Sakura huffed, don’t sell yourself too short! If it was one of those fancy packed meals, that might’ve worked, but a drink? Something that costs as little as one hundred yen at a vending machine?
Longer haired dude had more patience than Sakura because he sat down and listened. He did get angry at the bullshit excuse he was hearing and out of anger, he squeezed his can too hard. It didn’t stain his clothes, but that was a waste of one hundred yen, and that’s when the other dude offered his own can.
That was technically two hundred yen, almost a curry bread but just right for an anpan bread, nice. Sakura was focused on the calculation that he was caught off guard by the next line.
Guess that can be considered an indirect kiss…
Oh…?
Oh…
O-oh…!
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God, that line haunted him! He didn’t sleep a wink that night because of it! He didn’t even know it’s a thing, an…indirect kiss…and why the hell did it make him more embarrassed than the actual kiss?!
He was trying to wrap his head around it, making all sorts of weird noises.
“You’re so out of it.” Kaji commented.
“Yeah, just…thinking about stuff.”
“Then maybe you should stop thinking and start telling me what’s going on?”
They agreed to meet during lunch break to discuss the recent…matters. It was made possible with the effort of Kusumi, who made sure they didn’t start fighting on the spot. Sakura promised Kusumi he’d get it sorted out, but now he wasn’t sure how. What was he supposed to say?
“I don’t know.” He was red as a tomato just from thinking about that entire indirect kiss from yesterday.
“Sakura…” He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Did I do something?”
“N-no! Absolutely no!” Sakura denied it almost instantly.
“Are you sure you’re not angry with me for some reason?”
“I’m not, I swear I’m not.”
Kaji reached out and Sakura let him grab his hand. He squeezed it lightly, such a pure gesture compared to kissing, but Sakura truly enjoyed it. He liked the warmth of Kaji’s hand as it held his.
“Alright, so long we’re okay.”
“We are…uh…” His gaze followed Kaji’s gaze, right to his can, which reminded him of… not this shit again. He groaned out loud.
“Hm?” Kaji looked at him with curiosity. He quickly noticed Sakura staring at his can. “You want a sip?”
“No!” Sakura rejected the offer. “You know I can’t stand that sugary peach taste!”
“I don’t know, I thought maybe you did!”
Kaji was too obsessed with his peach drinks, they all tasted disgusting. But what if he said yes? What would happen? Would they share an indirect…
Sakura actually banged his head against the wall.
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“Why would you do that…”
That was a great question and Sakura had no real response. He was supporting a brand new bruise on his forehead because he banged his head a bit too strongly. He had to go to class and explain to his classmates that he didn’t get into a fight, he was just a dumbass in love.
Now he was only judged by Kaji, in the safe environment of his apartment, while completely refusing to expand on the reason that made him hurt himself.
“Don’t ask stupid questions.” Sakura grumbled.
Kaji shrugged, not wanting to get into an argument over that. He’d already suffered from Sakura's odd behavior and he didn’t need any more of that. He leaned back on the folded futon, because of course God forbid there’d be anything comfortable in this apartment, but he realized he was sitting on something. A…book?
When he tried to pull it from underneath the futon, Sakura’s yell rang in his ear and the book he was holding was snatched by Sakura.
“What the fuck!”
“You didn’t see that, right?” The blood drained from Sakura’s face and he spoke so softly, acting almost ashamed.
“See what? What are you hiding? Lemme see that now.”
“No!” Sakura hid the book behind his back, but when Kaji moved closer, he put it on the floor and used his body to shield it.
“Sakura, what the actual fuck! What are you hiding from me?!” Kaji hovered over him, still respecting his boundaries. “Is this why you were being so strange lately?!”
“I wasn’t being strange!” Sakura mumbled, he moved his upper body just enough that Kaji could slide his hand under him and take the book.
“What’s this? all this fuss over a…manga…”
The silence was too much for Sakura, he was busted…he figured it’d be better to keep his current position and hide his face with his hands, because he really didn’t know how to face Kaji.
Meanwhile, Kaji was bewildered by the manga he was holding. It was quite clearly a romance novel, and BL one at that. At Sakura’s possession?
“Sakura…why…”
No answer.
“For fuck’s sake, just spit it.”
Some noises that might’ve been words, but were muffled by Sakura’s hands.
“I can’t hear you.”
Sakura finally raised his head, his face reaching new shades of red. “I-it was for research, okay?!”
“Huh.” Kaji looked again at the cover. “What type of research?” He didn’t need to wait for Sakura’s answer, because one of the pages was sticking out, like it was partially torn. Opening the manga, he was stunned to see a kiss on full display. “All of that because of this bullshit?” He showed the page to Sakura. “What, you wanna kiss?”
“No!” Sakura shouted. “I-I mean, maybe! M-maybe yes!”
“Getting mixed signals here…”
“Ugh, you know what I mean…” His voice became so quiet. “I-I really want to…”
“Alright, come over here.” Kaji patted at the spot next to him.
Is this really happening? Sakura wondered as he sat next to Kaji, their faces were closer than they’d ever been.
“Close your eyes, dumbass…”
That’s right, that’s a thing… Sakura quickly closed his eyes.
That was a cute sight for Kaji, Sakura so honest with his eyes closed and his lips pursed, where the hell did he pick that up? Kaji thought with fondness. It was best that he didn't keep Sakura waiting for too long though, so he closed the distance and their lips finally met. It was so soft and gentle, and Sakura could’ve sworn he picked up a peachy taste, but most importantly…it made him feel so warm. That warmness spread from his chest throughout his body and it felt like he was set alight. Unfortunately, he didn’t quite get how he was supposed to breathe, he was barely functioning, so he pulled away when he couldn’t hold his breath anymore.
Kaji stroked Sakura’s face, right above his bruise. “There, we did it.”
“Yeah, it wasn’t such a big deal.” Sakura claimed but he was blushing just as hard as before. He nuzzled into the touch, though, enjoying the feel of Kaji’s hand passing through his hair.
“Alright, let’s get something to eat then.” Kaji stood up and offered Sakura’s his hand. However, when Sakura tried to stand up, he found out his legs were shaking too much.
“Oh boy.” Kaji sighed. “You can’t be serious…”
“That’s not…argh…” Sakura rubbed his thighs in an attempt to get rid of the trembling. “Fucking hell!”
“Don’t worry, Sakura.” Kaji ended up pulling him up in a swift motion. “You’ll be getting plenty of practical experience, it won’t be happening for too long.”
Sakura only read three chapters of that manga, that was hardly enough to become an expert on the matter, but that line? That was, hands down, worse than anything he’d read.