Work Text:
Dear diary:
Never in my life have I fallen for someone so hard from a simple picture. I saw this guy on the dating app I've been using and he was perfect, he is perfect! I started talking to him and he's gentleman, old fashioned, sweet. He agreed to go on a date with me, I'm so excited! I haven't exactly been very confident as of late so I think this could really help me. I wonder if he's just as charming in the flesh, I really hope so!
Chapter 1
When I saw him he was like a beacon, otherworldly in nature. He was the kind of person that you couldn't look away from, naturally attractive and drew you in like a moth to a flame so to speak. He sat down in front of me and I anticipated his words.
“Well hello, you must be Veronica.” His voice was deep and clear.
“I am, and you're J.D I'm guessing.” I spoke in a voice much more nervous than I'd intended.
“That I am. I hope I don't sound too forward but you look incredible.” I couldn't believe that a guy like him thought a girl like me was pretty.
“Oh thank you, you don't look too shabby yourself.” I spoke earnestly.
“You know your pictures don't do you justice.” He said in a tone that suggested this was an injustice to me.
“Yeah, I'm not the most photogenic. So uh, what do you like to do for fun?” I switched the topic nervously, being a little uncomfortable with all the praise.
“I like to hunt.” He was unphased by the awkward shift in topic.
“Oh that's awesome, I wish I had the hand eye coordination for stuff like that, my aim is abysmal. What animals do you usually hunt?” I spoke in earnest. He chuckled a little before speaking with an intense, flirtatious look.
“Pretty girls like you.” He said lightly.
“Oh you're so sweet.” I could feel myself begin to blush.
“You don't look too bitter yourself.” He licked his lips a little while looking me up and down, almost like a predator admiring its next meal. I laughed awkwardly.
“Thanks, I think?” I was genuinely confused as to how to take the comment.
“I'm sorry, that was weird. What I mean is that I'm just really happy to have you for lunch.” He looked into my eyes with a look that made me forget about his weird comment in an instant.
“How would you like to see me hunt?” He proposed.
“I would love to see you hunt, after we eat maybe?” I said, trying to sound more confident in my tone.
“Sure thing, you should order something sweet to raise your blood sugar, you look a little pale.” He motioned to my face. I could've sworn I'd be red as a tomato at that point but I didn't think much of it.
Once we'd ordered I could tell J.D was nervous. I was nervous as well so I'd figured we were in the same boat. We chatted a bit before our food came. Once J.D was faced by his pasta he froze up.
“I'm really nauseous suddenly, I'm not gonna be able to eat this.” He said matter of factly.
“Oh come on, just eat a bit and see if you can handle it.” I encouraged.
“No, I really can't.” He sounded firm and even a little aggressive, making me question just what his intentions were.
Chapter 2
After dinner he took me to his favourite spot in the woods to hunt. He told me all about snares and about how his guns (which were luckily in the trunk of his car) worked. I listened to him with admiration of his abilities, he sounded like a skilled hunter.
“So when they get scared that's when they run. You don't want them to run, so you have to make sure they don't notice anything is wrong and then bam! They're dead before they even know what happened.” J.D sounded excited as he spoke.
“You sound like you have a lot of experience, how long have you been hunting?” I questioned.
“Oh god, a long time I can tell you that much. I honestly lost count of the years a long time ago. Sometimes it feels like I've been hunting for a hundred years.” He chuckled a little at his own joke.
“I get that.” I agreed.
“Oh wow, you wanna see me make a shot.” He said while beginning to lag behind me.
“Yeah.” I said excitedly.
“Ok then, stand perfectly still. I've just gotta line myself up for the shot.” He spoke with a smile I couldn't see.
“Uh, why are you getting behi-” I started, a little confused.
“Shhh, just wait. Eyes forward. Wait a minute. And-” He cut himself off with the sound of his gun hitting the ground as he jumped on me.
I screamed as he tackled me to the ground like an apex predator catching its prey. He bit my neck with sharp teeth that pierced my skin. I felt myself slowly slipping away until it was all black.
I woke up slowly, fading into being aware. I realized my face was under water and began to freak out, sitting up and out of the water quickly before realizing that I wasn't breathing, I hadn't inhaled any water and my chest wasn't moving. I was miraculously alive despite the earlier events that were now rushing back to me while pain seared through my body along with an intense hunger. As I remembered what happened a rage ignited in me. I got up and started walking through the woods, stumbling and hitting trees. After what felt like an eternity I saw him. He was walking leisurely, whistling. In that moment I felt nothing but blind rage. I ran at him and pounced. He began screaming as I sunk my teeth into his neck and began drinking, mimicking his earlier actions. I kept going until there was nothing left, after which I got up and looked down. I was horrified by the sight, still confused and dazed. I ran as fast as I could out of the forest in the direction of my house.
Chapter 3
I woke up in my bed, sweaty and confused. Everything from the night before was a blur. I got up and walked to the kitchen, I thought I should probably eat even though I wasn't exactly hungry. I opened the fridge and almost threw up at just the smell and sight of the food. I reached in anyway to get some ingredients for a sandwich. The food looked, smelled, and sounded truly disgusting. The lettuce smelled like a handful of grass, the mayo sounded gloopy and rancid, even the meat felt slimy in my hands. I put it all together nonetheless, I figured that I'd feel better after eating. Once I put it in my mouth and took a bite I knew I was wrong, it felt dirty and gloopy and slimy. I fought the urge to throw up as I spit the sandwich out of my mouth and into the garbage can. I proceeded to also throw the entire rest of the sandwich into the trash.
I tried to eat a strawberry and threw it right up, I tried to eat a few crackers and threw it right up. My throat felt raw and I felt dazed by the time I decided to give up eating and go to bed.
Chapter 4
I lounged on my couch reading a book, trying to feel some sort of normal when he appeared in front of me.
“Oh my god!” I exclaimed.
“Oh don't, I'm not gonna hurt you.” J.D said as if he wasn't the man I killed standing in front of me.
“Of course you will, I tried to kill you!” I reasoned.
“Oh no, you did kill me, I can't do anything now.” He said matter of factly.
“So you're like, a ghost?” I asked.
“Yeah, vampires can't exactly go to heaven or hell so we're stuck here.” He said with a slightly sad tone.
“God, so that's gonna happen to me I'm guessing. Well I have some questions for you.” I tried to get to the point and not think about the implications of what I'd just learned.
“Shoot.” He encouraged.
“Why. Why did you do this, why did you put me in a lake, why me?” The words came out of my mouth without much input from my brain.
“Well I put you in the lake because I thought you were dead, I guess I just didn't get all the blood out. You see when a vampire bites someone and they drain all the blood they just die but if we don't get it all we make a vampire. As far as why I did it well, I needed to eat and you? You were so easy to get.” He finished with a smug tone.
“So now I have to kill people.” I stated.
“Haha, I don't think you have it in you. You'll probably starve within the next week.” He spoke with utmost confidence in what he was saying which aggravated me.
“I totally could!” I raised my voice angrily.
“Oh yeah? I don't believe someone as weak hearted as you could do it again, you killed me in a rage and now you're back to being weak.” He taunted.
“I don't have to listen to you, you aren't even a person.” I bit back.
“Well technically neither are you, you're a monster now, get used to it.” By the time I processed what he said he had already vanished from my sight.
Chapter 5
I looked in the mirror and took in what J.D had said to me about being a monster. As I looked in the mirror my reflection began to shift. My face began to look more and more like a demon of sorts, twisting and scowling back at me. My reflection felt like another person staring back at me. As I was getting lost in my thoughts J.D suddenly came into view causing me to jump.
“Whatcha doing?” He said playfully.
“None of your business.” I bit back
“Looking at your new form I see. Must feel awful, such a pretty girl ruined.” He said with feigned pity.
“How am I ruined?” I asked, offended.
“Look at you. Your teeth are huge and sharp now, your skin is scarred and to be frank, you're a beast now. No longer a beautiful girl but now a killing machine. That's what you're supposed to be at least but you're not even that.” He spoke condescendingly.
“I'm not a monster, not like you, I'll never kill again, I'll never drink blood again, I'll be good.” I said, trying to convince myself just as much as I was trying to convince him.
“You can't be good, it's not who you are, not anymore.” He said, beginning to chuckle.
“GET OUT!” I snapped.
“I don't think so, I'm here now and you have to deal with that.” He said before leaning in to whisper something to me.
“You're gonna keep hearing me forever and ever and-” I ran out of the bathroom, hearing him laugh until I looked back at the bathroom to see that he had vanished.
Chapter 6
As I layed on my couch holding my stomach and thinking about my overwhelming hunger whilst following J.D’s advice I heard a familiar voice.
“I thought you'd be dead by now, I guess I didn't factor in you drinking my blood to the countdown.” J.D sounded genuinely surprised.
“Shut up!” I yelled in frustration, fed up with him.
“Are you having fun starving to death? I know I'm having fun watching.” He sounded as if he was gaining some sick pleasure from my suffering.
“What is wrong with you? Why are you doing this?” I pressed.
“You killed me! Also do you really think someone who preys on defenceless women is particularly moral?” He said.
“Well you tried to kill me first and now I'm like this!” I spoke, annoyed.
“I didn't ask for this, now I have to kill people because of you. I've been putting it off but I know what I have to do. It's not like I can become a human again.” I lamented.
J.D got a sort of sick smile on his face before speaking again.
“Well I might have a solution, you see if you don't drink blood for long enough you'll revert into a human. You probably can't, most don't, they usually just can't endure it.” He sounded cocky and sure of my inability which made me determined to prove him wrong.
“I can! I so can, I'll show you.” I promised, determined to make him eat his words.
“I'm sure you will.” He chuckled before vanishing once again.
Chapter 6
“Hungry?” J.D teased.
Ever since I decided to dedicate myself to trying to become human I started to hear and see J.D constantly. He became a sort of looming figure that always made sure I kept to my plans even at the cost of my health. I noticed that since deciding to stop eating I had no energy, I looked sickly, my hair was falling out, and I couldn't think straight. I thought enduring this hunger would fix me but all it caused me was suffering. I didn't want to be this way anymore, I wanted to be human, but what's the point in fighting for the form I wanted if all it caused was suffering?
“Yeah you could say that. I just can't take it anymore, I can literally feel my body eating itself, it's torture!” I yelped.
“Just a bit more, or maybe stop. If you can't you'll never be human again but clearly you're too weak to do it.” J.D taunted.
His words stabbed into me like daggers. I thought about what would happen if I gave up and ate. I imagined myself slowly becoming more monstrous as the days went on, everyone around me finding out and shunning me, after all who could love a monster? I thought most of all about losing control, about how this felt like the only thing that I could do to control the situation I’d ended up in which felt as if I had been sucked in against my will. I wanted to hold onto that control as much as possible.
“No! No amount of starvation will keep me away from my goal. I will be human.” I stated, steadfast in my resolve.
Chapter 7
“I can feel myself dying, are you sure this'll work?” I desperately asked J.D as I layed on my bed, feeling half dead.
“I'm sure It’s just a bit more, you want to be human don't you?” He said in his stupid smug tone.
In that moment I realized that even if this would turn me human it didn't matter, I would rather live just the way I am than kill myself trying to change something that was never wrong in the first place.
“I do, but this just isn't worth it and I don't think it'll even work.” I looked into J.D's eyes with command to let him know I wasn't joking.
“You're such a quitter.” He spat at me with disgust.
“No, I'm not listening to you anymore.” With that I got up and headed to the kitchen. I settled myself leaning on the counter before taking out my phone and beginning to text someone I wouldn't feel bad killing, my friend's abusive ex boyfriend.
“Woah, what are you doing?” J.D sounded alarmed.
“I'm texting someone who's gonna help with my current hunger.” I said.
“What? Don't do this, it proves you're weak, you'll never be a human.” He tried to convince me to no avail as I just ignored him.
“Veronica! Listen to me! Please! C'mon Veronica. Listen to me, if you ignore me too long I won't have enough energy to stay. If you don't stop right now I'll go away and you'll never be human! Who will motivate you? Who wi-” I cut him off by covering my ears and shutting my eyes. I heard him continue to talk in his now muffled voice until it got quieter and quieter. Eventually I heard silence. I opened my eyes and took my hands off my ears and looked around. J.D was nowhere to be found and I took the opportunity to pick my phone back up and continue texting.
Chapter 8
“Hi!” I said to Ram, he looked awful standing in the doorway, smug and sleezy.
“Hey, I wasn't expecting you to ask me over but I knew you'd come running one day, no woman can resist me.” Ram said in the most condescending and grating voice I've ever heard.
“Oh I know.” I tried to keep the sarcasm out of my voice as I internally rolled my eyes.
I motioned for him to follow me and we both sat on the couch. He immediately put his hands on my waist once we were sitting next to each other, sealing his fate to me.
“I knew you didn't believe her, nobody should have. Just cuz I pushed her around a bit doesn't mean abuse. She's just a lying bi-” I shut him up by lunging at him and biting his neck.
Ram yelped before going unconscious and I drank every drop assuring that he wouldn't come back to bite.
Dear Diary:
My life has changed so much since J.D. I still feel guilty when I eat, I still have thoughts that say I’m a monster, I still hear J.D or catch glimpses of him in mirrors or for just a second, but I’m taking things one day at a time. It’s not all bad, I’ve learned things as well. I’ve learned how to face challenges head on, how to love myself just the way I am, and how to not need control. Most of all I’ve learned my worth. Never again will i let some stupid voice in my head tell me that I’m not worth love or the basic need of food, I now know that there will be people who love me no matter my eating habits or if i look into the mirror and see a monster because at the end of the day I’m not a monster and I’m not unworthy or weak. I’m me and that’s enough all by itself.