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Kaito sat on the edge of the worn leather couch, back straight and hands placed on his thighs. He was nervous– anxiety bubbling in the bottom of his stomach, an involuntary shiver of anticipation running down him every now and then– but not for himself. He was nervous for Yagami.
Yagami stood between the desk in the corner of the Agency and the large window. Kaito looked at his partner, who looked like he was standing on hot coals. He had his back turned to the office, looking out the window with a cup of coffee in his hand. The weather outside was gray and gloom, like it could rain any moment. Instead of his usual outfit, Yagami was wearing a dark suit. A suit much nicer than Kaito had expected him to have, the textured fabric of it being the color of wet pavement, contrasting nicely against the white button up he had under the jacket. Around his neck he had a deep red tie, which was left untied. Kaito didn’t know why he was looking at Yagami so closely, but he was.
The office was filled with people, like it had been quite often lately. Higashi and Hoshino-kun were standing near the door, Sugiura sitting on the chair on the other side of the coffee table. Hoshino had his backpack on, and quite frankly looked like a schoolboy ready to go on a field-trip to a legal hearing for a class, but Kaito hadn’t said that out loud. Higashi had his arms crossed on his chest–like usual– and an unimpressed look on his face behind those sunglasses he didn’t seem to take off. And Sugiura, having looked a bit smug about the pictures he had taken being printed in a paper just a while ago, now also looked a little nervous. Even though Sugiura had every right to be nervous about this, Kaito didn’t find himself to be too bothered by his feelings. He was much more focused on Yagami, who had been even quieter than usual that morning.
A nervous silence had fallen between the men inside the office, all waiting in anticipation for what’s to come. Even Kaito didn’t feel like joking around to try to lighten the mood, instead he sat on the couch closing his clammy fists around the fabric on his slacks. He looked around the room. Should he have dressed up too? He hadn’t been to a trial, so he didn’t know the dress code that well. Higashi looked well dressed enough with his usual yakuza suit, and Hoshino always looked like a lawyer in his deep navy suit. At least Sugiura was wearing something even less formal than Kaito, so if they let him in they would probably have to let him in too. Probably.
Yagami finally turned from the window to face the office, a thoughtful look on his face. It wasn’t unusual for Yagami to look like that, but this time it was more intense. His brows were a little scrunched, his lips pursed together. It somehow made the anxiety inside Kaito swell. He had to swallow hard to keep down the stomach acid rising in his throat.
“It’s almost time,” Yagami said, his voice steady despite the look on his face. It calmed Kaito, but only a little. He watched closely as Yagami turned to face the desk and placed the cup on the table. He then just stood there, staring at something on the table. Kaito knew what that something was; the golden attorney badge pin Yagami had fished out from the pocket on his leather jacket the night before. He had that little trinket in there as a little failsafe for when it was convenient, but today Yagami looked at the pin like it would burn him if he touched it. And Kaito understood him, to a degree.
Kaito knew Yagami had harbored a deep guilt inside him for years now. Emi-chan’s death had really hit him hard, harder than he usually let others see. But Kaito knew Yagami, and could see how much he was hurting, even if Yagami didn’t say it out loud. They had known each other for over 20 years, how could he not know the man like he knew himself? Yagami was quiet and a little reserved, but under that cool and aloof surface he was a snarky, sarcastic son of a bitch who loved bad puns and petting stray cats on the street. He could hook his thumbs in his pockets and stroll around town looking cool all he wanted, but underneath that he loved going to the arcade or (not-so-humbly) bragging about how good he was at darts.
But Kaito knew a lot more about Yagami than just surface-level facts about his likes and dislikes. Kaito knew Yagami had a tendency for self-destructing, like he had done when he had gone around Kamurocho picking fights against Kaito he knew he had no chance of winning. Kaito knew that underneath that surface was a broken man, riddled with guilt. Guilt over the death of his parents, over Emi-chan, and more recently, guilt over letting Okubo-kun rot in prison for years. Guilt over hiding, for running instead of helping Okubo. Guilt over Matsugane-san. Kaito felt a sting in his heart when he thought about Matsugane-san. He and Yagami both had lost someone so important.
Kaito watched as the worried look on Yagami’s face changed to a determined one, grabbing the pin in his palm. The light from the window hit it, making the golden metal glint. Yagami stared at the thing for a while, before closing his fist around it and closing his eyes.
Kaito didn’t realize it, but his own face was beaming. A smile crept on his lips, little wrinkles appearing in the corners of his eyes. He was so proud of Yagami.
Underneath that proudness brewed something a little sinister. Something nasty was scratching at his insides, something jealous and mean. Something about Higashi, Hoshino and Sugiura also being there. Rationally thinking, they had every right to be there. They had all helped tremendously during the investigation, and without them all they probably wouldn’t be there that morning. But that something gnawing at his insides was not a rational thought, rather a primitive possessiveness . None of the others had known Yagami nearly as long as Kaito had, none of the others had been with him through the hardest parts of his life, none of them had taken a literal bullet for him. But here they were, sharing this same moment with Kaito. Like they didn’t deserve to be there, to see this vulnerable moment of Yagami overcoming his past mistakes. Kaito tried to shove that feeling down.
Kaito had been so preoccupied with himself he hadn’t noticed Higashi and Hoshino disappearing from the office. He only snapped out of it when Sugiura stood up from the chair and stretched his arms above his head.
“We’re going to go get the car, you two come down whenever you’re ready,” he said and flashed a quick smile before slipping through the agency door and clicking it shut behind him.
Yagami sighed and opened his eyes, letting his shoulders drop and his posture deflating a little. Kaito watched him open his fist and place the badge back on the desk.
“I don’t think I can do this, Kaito-san,” he mumbled quietly and fiddled with the buttons of the shirt on his wrists. Kaito stood up and took one step to close the distance between them.
“Of course you can, Tabō,” Kaito reassured him, trying his best to sound convincing. And Kaito really thought that, but he couldn’t deny that a huge responsibility had been placed on Yagami’s shoulders. Everything had to go perfectly in the trial for this to work out, and they both knew that. Yagami wasn’t one for worrying, but it had been three years since he had last been in a trial as an attorney. And this was one part of the case they couldn’t help him with. It had to be all Yagami in that courtroom.
“I hate how this suit feels,” Yagami muttered and wriggled under the jacket. It wasn’t the same suit he had worn to Matsugane-san’s funeral, but it wasn’t any less formal. It was honestly quite weird seeing Yagami in a suit again, and Kaito guessed actually wearing it felt even weirder. Kaito flashed him a smile.
“Well, at least you look the part now.”
“I couldn’t even remember how to tie a tie,” Yagami said and gestured towards the red-and-white striped tie draped on his neck in frustration. “I’m a fraud, aren’t I?”
“No, you’re not a fraud.” Kaito smiled even wider now. “Do you need help?”
Before Yagami could answer, Kaito grabbed the tie around his neck and started tying it. It had been a while for Kaito too since he had tied a tie, but it was mostly muscle memory for him. He was kind of surprised it wasn’t for Yagami, who had actually been a daily tie-wearer for a good portion of his life. Maybe being a lawyer really wasn’t written in his stars.
Kaito hadn’t looked at Yagami’s face since he had grabbed the smooth fabric around his neck, but while tightening the knot around his neck he met his eyes. He had a weird look in them, something Kaito couldn’t quite read. A faint blush spread on his cheeks as Kaito tucked the tie under the collar on his shirt and made sure it was hidden behind his neck too.
“There,” Kaito said and took a step back, suddenly realizing what he had done. He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand and dropped his eyes to the floor. Yagami had a nice pair of brown leather shoes on, another thing very different from his usual getup.
Another silence filled the office, this time a little different from the previous tense quietness. Kaito felt Yagami staring at him, and to avoid his eyes he turned to grab the badge on the desk. He turned the little golden circle between his fingers, and then decided to look at Yagami. What was there to lose?
Kaito stepped back into Yagami’s personal space, grabbing the lapel on his jacket. He felt Yagami tense under him, but he didn’t care. He pinned the badge on the little slit it was meant to go in, then straightened the jacket on his partner.
“I know you’ll pull through, Tabō,” Kaito reassured him again. “You always do.”
Kaito placed both his hands on Yagami’s shoulders and gave them a quick squeeze. He looked into his dark eyes filled with swirling emotions. The tiniest smile appeared on Yagami’s lips, something so small you could easily miss it if you weren’t paying attention. But Kaito was paying attention, and the little shift in his partner didn’t slip by him unnoticed.
In the process of reassuring Yagami, Kaito had managed to calm himself down too. He trusted Yagami to come strong for him, for them all. He always did. And he would.