Chapter Text
It started with a bang. Loud, repeated thumping startled him from his uneasy sleep, his eyes coming alight as he thrashed to a sitting position with a half-formed gasp in his throat. The realization that it was just his room set in and he sank back down into his bed, his arm over his eyes, regretting everything about being awake. There was someone knocking loudly at the door of the small apartment he shared with his brother, and Paps must be out; otherwise he would have answered it.
It had to be at least mid-morning, judging from the piercing sunbeam filtering through the holes in his window shade. The ever present sound of traffic and crowds from the street below was relatively mellow at the moment, lacking the urgency of rush hour. He fished his pillow from the floor, burying his face as he rolled over into his sheets, hoping he could fall back to sleep. Whoever was at beating on the front door would have to give up eventually, and he sure as hell wasn't going to get out of bed to answer it. His shifted the pillow so it blocked some of the sound, trying not to grind his teeth as he waited for them to go away.
He probably should be more concerned about this situation. There had been a time where he would have been on his feet in an instant, magic at the ready and weapon in hand. There had been a time when he would have known exactly who was going to come looking for him and his associates. When he took pride in his set of skills. When he felt satisfaction from a job well done. When he would have been hoping for a fight, because he had been young and cocky, when he knew that he had the backing of the underground's largest crime syndicate.
...There had been a time when he cared. And now, he couldn't even get out of bed.
Maybe someone finally put a hit on him. That would be pretty funny. He hadn't done anything remotely resembling criminal activity in months. If they finally sent someone to dust him now--He grinned to himself, imagining the headlines.
"NOTORIOUS UNDERBOSS KILLED UNDERCOVERS: MOBSTER STUCK DOWN SLEEPING"
or maybe
"ASLEEP AT THE MOB"
or even
"HE HAD A BED TIME."
Maybe he should go get a job at the papers. Write bad pun headlines all day. Surely they'd hire someone who's resume includes "Good at robbing people, through extortion, gambling, and racketeering. Best safecracker this side of the Underground. Knows how to handle self in fights. Will even kill for money." They'd probably hire him out of fear.
The jerk was still relentlessly beating on his front door. It had to have been several minutes by now. They had to know he wasn't gonna let them in. One of his neighbors would probably flag down the cops if this kept up. For fuck's sake..what kind of ass would just bang on a door for this lon-
"YOU HAVE 30 SECONDS TO LEMME IN OR I'M PUNCHING IT DOWN."
Oh. Undyne. Pap's favorite person, Dr, Alphys's lover, and Asgore's trusted consigliere.
They didn't get along.
She started hitting the door again, and he swore he could hear the framing creak. There was no doubt she would follow through with her threat. He sighed and sat up.
"I'm awake, but gimme a sec. I'm bare bones here." She must have heard him, as she relented momentarily.
He had actually fallen asleep fully dressed, or what he was considering fully dressed as of late. He definitely wasn't sure when the last time he changed was. His shirt was an interesting mix of stains, the suit-jacket he had last worn days ago was crumpled on the floor, his pants tattering at the ankles. His remaining clothes were scattered about his room, and he vaguely remembered Papyrus telling him to hang everything up or he'd ruin them, and suits were expensive so he really should take care of it. He swung his feet over the edge and stood. There was nothing much cleaner than what he had on already, so he settled for grabbing his house robe He had just woken up, after all, to hell if it was the middle of the day. At least his slippers were relatively intact.
Finally standing, he made his way to the combined living room-kitchen area, a mere few steps down what was really too short to be considered a hallway. He could actually here Undyne's impatient mumbling through the thin walls. Resigning himself, he unlocked the door and swung it inwards. Undyne crossed her arms, eyeing him up and down.
"Took you long enough." She raised an eyebrow. "You look like shit."
"Nice to see you too." He met her one good eye. "What do you want?"
She glanced down briefly, busying herself with brushing off her suit. It looked new. "We have a job for you."
He almost managed to slam the door in her face, but she must have been expecting his reaction and shoved both her foot and arm through the threshold.
"Oh no, not today you asshole." She hissed, shoving her weight against the door. Sans could hold his own when it came down to casting, and was absolutely deadly with a gun, but Undyne far outstripped him when it came to physical strength, and he didn't actually want to give her a real reason to be mad at him. He stepped back, letting go and she ungracefully stumbled the rest of the way into the dimly lit apartment. He settled for turning his back on her instead.
"I'm not interested."
"Figured you would say that." She turned and lowered herself onto the couch, resting her feet on their battered coffee table. He heard her shifting around, trying to find a spot on the couch that wasn't filled with busted springs or burnt holes from his occasional cigar. "You don't seem interested in anything we ask you anymore."
He shrugged, looking at her over his shoulder. "Sorry, guess I can't stomach it anymore."
She glared at him again, fins flared, but surprisingly she said nothing. It seemed as if she was actually trying to pick her words carefully, instead of just shouting at him. That was new.
After a moment, she sighed."You know, Papyrus won't hear a bad thing against you, and Alphys defends you till she's blue in the face. But there's nothing to show for it, and frankly, there's been questions about how loyal you really are."
Of course that's where she was going with this. Even Papyrus had been bringing it up lately, and he was the most sheltered member of their‘family,' as almost everyone considered him their little brother. Fuck all of them.
"I'm not going to rat, Undyne. I'm in way too deep for that."
"No, but you're not exactly helping either. Asgore has been very kind in letting you get a pass for this nothing you've been doing, but it can't continue. You're one of the best capo's we have."
He bit back a laugh, turning to face her fully. "If Asgore doesn't care, then why do you?"
"Because my job is to make sure Asgore stays in charge of this family." A small knife seemed to appear in her hands, quicker than he could follow, and she idly spun it around her fingertips. "It makes us look weak to have slackers and leeches under our care. We give you safety. We take care of you and your brother. And what do you give back?" She stabbed the knife downward, into the table. "You're a friggin dewdropper. At least Papyrus gives a shit."
"Was that really necessary? I get the point." He grinned wider, just for a moment, "But let's cut to the heart this visit. You want something from me, and I'm going to tell you no."
"You don't even know what the job is."
"I can take a stab at it. The only reason you would waste time with me is no one else is no one else wants to get their hands dirty."
Undyne pulled her legs off the table and sat upright. "That's not it. It's about a human. And it's Toriel who took it in."
The name was familiar, but he couldn't place why. "Not ringing any bells."
She raised an eyebrow incredulously. "The boss's ex-wife?"
He shoved his hands in the pockets of his house robe, shrugging."Eh. Before my time."
Undyne rolled her eye at him and yanked her knife out of their table, going back to spinning in around her fingers. "She has a habit of taking in strays. Hasn't happened in a couple of years, but there's a human kid with her now. We want the kid. Asgore's gonna ransom it back to the humans. Easy money."
"Still not interested."
"You sure?"
He returned her glare. Sighing, she raised her hands placatingly. "Ok, alright. I get it. I'll find someone else. You can keep doing whatever it is you're doing." She rose to her feet, turning to the door. "Y'know, maybe Papyrus is ready to take on a real big job. I should give him a shot."
It was a low blow, and they both knew it. Undyne treated Papyrus better than he did, but still...
"Don't you fucking dare." The words were out of his mouth before he could stop himself. "Do it yourself."
Undyne grinned over her shoulder. "Trust me, I would in a second. But Toriel knows me. Well enough that she would recognize my face."
"That's never stopped you before."
"Toriel's the ex-head of the family. She knows how this works. She knows we're after the kid. I'm brash and I would have a hard time getting a jump oh her. It has to be someone newer, and there are only a few people I think could even handle this." She turned back to face him. "And there are fewer people who I think have a chance of both completing the job and getting out in one piece."
He bit back a comment about her smelling like sushi. She couldn't really be thinking of asking Papyrus to kidnap a kid, could she?
She sensed his reluctance, and leaned in close. "Unless you'd rather I ask your brother?"