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Kurt sat in his seat at the theater twiddling his thumbs. He shouldn't be nervous; he'd been to see Paul Körner perform many times before.
Of course, he hadn't been Paul's lover before.
Kurt had chosen a seat in the middle of the theater. Paul had invited him to sit in the front row as his personal guest, but Paul had refused. In the front row, it would be obvious to everyone in the theater that Paul was looking at him, and Kurt did not want that kind of attention. By being seated in the middle of the theater though, Kurt would not be the obvious object of the violinist’s gaze, as Paul could just as easily be viewed as looking at the audience as a whole. Plausible deniability - that was the key to survival.
For extra cover, Kurt decided to bring his sister along with him. Else had been to Paul's concerts with him before. She had once wanted to learn violin like Kurt. Their parents would not allow it - violins and cellos were not very ladylike, as they said. She had taken up the piano instead, and though she denied it, she still seemed a little jealous of Kurt. She sometimes accompanied Kurt when they performed at home, and Kurt could usually see it in her face then.
“Do you think he's going to premiere a new piece tonight?” Else whispered to him as they waited for the concert to start.
“I don't know,” Kurt whispered back. That was a lie. The last time Kurt was at Paul's house, Paul had told him about the piece he planned to debut tonight and even played a little of it for him. But Kurt would rather Else not know how often he was visiting Paul, or that their time together was spent on anything other than lessons.
“I hope he does. It'd be grand to hear a song for the first time!” Else exclaimed.
“Shhh!” the man sitting directly in front of Kurt chastised them. Kurt was thankful for his intervention.
A few moments later, the emcee appeared on stage to quiet the crowd and introduce the evening’s performer. The audience offered him a polite round of applause, which Kurt joined, hoping he didn't look too overeager.
The crowd came to a hush as Paul appeared from behind the curtain. Kurt twiddled his thumbs faster, as he watched Paul walk to his seat on the stage. He looked so dignified like this. It wasn't just that he was wearing his best tuxedo - Paul was always an impeccable dresser and would never be caught in public wearing anything less than a suit - it was the aura that surrounded him whenever he was about to perform. Paul had a way of captivating an audience that just seemed to exude from him whenever he set foot on stage. It was precisely the same presence that had drawn Kurt to him in the first place.
Paul bowed to the audience before sitting on the solitary chair that had been placed there for him.
“He's looking at you,” Else leaned over and said to him.
“No he's not!” Kurt replied, perhaps a little too eagerly.
“Quiet!” the man in front of him hissed through gritted teeth. Kurt slunk into his chair, feeling embarrassed to even be sitting here at this moment.
Kurt glanced back up towards the stage. If Paul had been looking at him, which he hoped wasn't the case, he was no longer doing so, his attention turned fully towards his violin. There was no sheet music in front of him - Paul preferred to play without it. “You have to feel the music. Otherwise, it's just mimicry,” he explained in one of their early lessons. Kurt wasn't skilled enough yet to memorize entire concertos like Paul. But he usually tried to think of something else when he played rather than just the notes on the page, something that the music was meant to invoke. Kurt found that he played best when he thought of Paul. He wondered if Paul ever thought of him when he played.
Kurt shook his head. He was getting lost in thought, something he promised himself he wouldn't do tonight. He glanced over at Else. She was unconcerned with him, her attention undivided on the music. Kurt willed himself to do the same.
Closing his eyes, Kurt pictured Paul up close as he played the concerto, his fingers dancing upon the violin's neck, bow sliding effortlessly across the strings. He envisioned himself playing along with Paul, matching him note for note, their two harmonies blending into one beautiful sound. It was his ultimate dream, to be up there on stage with Paul. His ability was still a long way off for that to happen, but he hoped maybe someday it would.
Kurt felt the sudden sensation of an elbow in his ribcage. He looked over at Else, who was now rolling her eyes at him. She must have noticed that he had drifted off in thought, something he had wanted to avoid. He would have to think of some excuse later. For now, he debated whether he ought to hide in the WC for the rest of the performance.
***
Paul had invited Kurt to join him backstage after the concert that evening. Kurt had agreed, though he insisted on bringing Else along, much to Paul's chagrin.
Kurt still hadn't thought of what he would tell Else about why he seemed so distracted. He didn't end up hiding in the WC like he considered. Paul would surely have noticed he was missing and he didn't want to have to come up with two excuses for the night.
“Kurt, I'm so glad you could come,” Paul greeted him. Paul touched Kurt’s arm lightly, which caused Kurt to flinch. He hoped Else didn't notice.
“Else, good to see you again,” Paul said, giving her a nod. Kurt noted that Paul didn't touch her upon greeting her, as he had with Kurt. Kurt considered himself lucky that Else was fond of Paul and probably wouldn't suspect anything unsavory of him as a result.
“Good to see you again, Herr Körner,” Else replied, giving him a short curtsy.
“How did you enjoy the show?” Paul asked, clasping his hands together.
Kurt suddenly found himself too nervous to speak.
“Oh it was lovely!” Else supplied for him. “That new piece you played tonight was divine!”
“Thank you,” Paul replied. “It was inspired by…a new friend.”
Kurt blushed at what Paul was insinuating. Kurt had briefly thought that the new piece was reminiscent of a love song, but that he was its inspiration… Kurt wasn't sure whether to feel flattered or terrified.
“Why don't I leave you two to talk about it? Surely the insight between musicians is more valuable than what I could contribute.”
Kurt raised an eyebrow at Else in a mild state of panic. She was his guard against becoming overly friendly with Paul in such a public place, what protection would he have should she leave? Kurt grabbed her arm and pulled her aside, excusing themselves from Paul's presence for a brief moment.
“Else, what are you talking about?” he whispered to his sister. “You're a musician too, why would you leave us to have this conversation alone?”
Else chuckled. “You think I haven't noticed how happy you seem whenever you have a lesson scheduled for the day? You gave yourself away long before tonight.”
“B- but…” he sputtered.
“I've attended one of Dr. Hirschfeld’s lectures. I know that it's perfectly natural, what you're feeling. I think it's kind of cute, actually. Two violinists making music together,” Else said. “Don't worry, I won't tell mom and dad. And if worse comes to worst, I can always take them to meet Dr. Hirschfeld.”
Kurt simply stared at her. It was all he could do to keep his jaw from hitting the floor. She already knew? And she was okay with it? Kurt couldn't believe his ears.
“I know you enjoy the night more without me. Now go on!” Else ordered, giving him a gentle shove in Paul's direction. “Don't keep him waiting!”