Chapter Text
Dieter was fast asleep in his bed.
He looked so innocent and small here: lying on his stomach, one arm wrapped around a little stuffed toy pressed against his chest… One of his hands, used as a pillow, was trapped under his right cheek, which made Nina smile a bit.
He will have a little mark on his face when he wakes up, in the morning…
As if he had heard her thoughts, the boy shifted in his sleep, moving his hand away: his small body slowly rolled up into a ball, and the huge, red blanket that covered him from his toes to his chin moved with him.
As red as those five kids’ blood.
Nina closed her eyes and shuddered.
Not now!
Of course, she wasn’t listened to, once again. The smell of blood immediately filled her nostrils. Multiple images of the blood staining the carpet flashed in front of her eyes.
She gritted her teeth. Over the past few days, she had learned how massively uncontrollable a mind could be. How malleable human senses were.
The worst part was that… she was already familiar with intrusive thoughts and traumatic flashbacks. Yet, when she was younger, thick walls of amnesia had always kept her relatively safe.
It was not the case anymore.
She didn’t have the luxury to forget.
She took a deep breath, blinked a few times, and then, she gently stroked Dieter’s forehead with her thumb to distract her mind, smiling down at him.
This little boy had truly been her anchor, over the past few days: as she physically recovered with him and Dr. Tenma, he had kept following her, checking on her, asking her if she wanted something to eat, and no matter what she answered, he would always come to her a few minutes later, holding a little tray on which had been placed some cakes and a cup of tea.
Her current smile faltered. While she enjoyed - no, craved - his company, another part of her, uglier and more aggressive, had been silently begging him to stay away. To hide and never talk to her.
He couldn’t know this - he just wanted to take care of her - of course, but everytime she would see him, she would think of them. Of these murdered boys - whose names were still unknown to her - who were even younger than Dieter.
It was a punch in the stomach, each one more painful than the last, and it could sometimes make her feel nauseous.
And to be fair, Kenzo’s company was not better.
Her deep uncomfort wasn’t their fault: they both behaved as usual. None of them forced her to tell them about what she endured, when she was kidnapped. At some point, Dr. Tenma did ask her about the children she had mentioned when she woke up, but when he saw the look on her face, he never tackled the issue with her again.
No, the problem was her and her alone.
The company of the two people she cared about the most - Dieter and Dr. Tenma - became less and less enjoyable, more and more irritating, and she didn’t know why.
Was it Dieter’s childish innocence that painfully reminded her of the innocent boys her brother killed just to make a point? Was it Dr. Tenma’s worried eyes constantly on her? Was it the isolating house itself, in which she couldn’t check the newspapers to find the kids’ identities?
Either way, she was now doomed to have her life contaminated, even the parts that used to bring her comfort and joy.
Congratulations, Johann: you have managed to corrupt the light of my life.
Her jaw clenched. That outrageous truth made her all the more impatient to leave the house. To run away, and get to Bonaparta’s hiding place to find Johann.
She had allowed herself three days here, in this house, to regain her strength. And in fact, she had been extremely obedient.
To all appearances.
She had taken all the medication Dr. Tenma had prepared for her, while discreetly packing up some useful stuff for her runaway. She had been stretching her legs in the little garden twice a day, as he asked, while checking where the car keys were, to steal them at the right moment. She had been eating all the bowls of soups the two cooked for her, while planning her drive on a little notebook, drafting the fastest route to get to Ruhenheim.
And finally, tonight was the night: she was going to leave.
Everything was ready.
And yet, she was now in Dieter’s bedroom, in the middle of the night, watching him sleep. She should be already driving by now. She had no idea what she was doing here.
No, it was not true.
She knew.
She had wanted to pay Dieter a visit before running away. To say goodbye, silently. To make her betrayal less brutal, in her mind. To soothe her conscience.
It was pathetic. She couldn’t allow herself this kind of weakness anymore. She pulled herself together. She had to go, now. She couldn’t waste any more time.
She bent down, and kissed Dieter’s forehead.
“Have a long, happy life, little brother.” she whispered, so softly that even she struggled to hear her voice. She had just spoken Czech, as if using her mother tongue would bring more power to her prayer.
She stood up, swallowed the few tears that burned her eyes, before forcing herself to turn around and leave the bedroom, not without throwing a last glance at the boy she was abandoning.
OoO
Nina was almost out of the house, holding her bag in one hand. She was in front of the front door, in the dark, reaching out to touch the handle.
She paused for a second, before taking a deep breath. She took the keys to unlock the front door...
“Good evening, Nina,” a masculine voice interrupted her, coming from the living room.
She froze and held her breath. Dr. Tenma. What… What was he doing here?
She slowly turned her head towards the living room. The light was turned on. Dr. Tenma was here, wearing casual clothes, calmly sitting down on a little sofa. His dark, intense eyes were staring at her, even though she was in the dark.
Nina stayed frozen like a child caught with her hand in the cookie jar.
He knew. That was the only reason why he was still awake. He had been waiting for her the entire time.
But… How could he know what she was about to do?
She cursed at herself. Maybe she hadn’t been as cunning and manipulative as she thought. If Johann was there, he would be laughing at her, probably. He would have managed to trick everyone. She still had some progress to make if she wanted to beat him.
She sighed, and finally she walked towards the living room, to join Kenzo. Once she entered and sent him a poor smile, the doctor smiled at her, calmly.
He didn’t seem angry.
“Have a seat,” he said.
Nina bit the inside of her cheek. Her mind worked fast. What could she do? Turn around, run away and pray to be faster than the doctor? No, it was too risky, too reckless, and that would wake Dieter up.
There was a reason why she had planned to run away in the middle of the night… She didn’t want to talk. She had made up her mind already.
She will leave tonight.
If they talked, he would try to convince her to stay, to stay safe, to stay hidden, to recover with Dieter. He didn’t understand that she couldn’t do that. It wasn’t who she was, anymore.
She had changed, radically.
She had to get rid of him, in her own way.
She had an idea, suddenly. She may still have some flaws, but her cold mind worked quicker than before.
“Tea?” she suggested.
He nodded.
“Yes, please.”
Good.
While doing her best to ignore her guilt, she turned around and walked into the kitchen. As she prepared the two cups of tea, she took from her bag some sleeping pills. She took one, crushed it with the back of a spoon and poured the white powder in one of the cups.
As she mixed the tea, she reassured herself. That wasn’t dangerous at all. That would just make him fall asleep. It wasn’t right, but she had to do it. She had promised herself she would go for anything to destroy Johann.
She couldn’t back down at the slightest inconvenience.
Holding the two cups in her hands, she came back to the living room, relieved to see that Dr. Tenma hadn’t moved. He was waiting for her.
She handed him the drugged cup, while trying to smile, and then, she sat down right in front of him, on the other sofa. She waited, forcing herself not to stare. He just had to take a sip, that was all.
Sadly, right after Kenzo brought the cup near his lips, he smelled it, and put it down. Without taking a sip.
Shit.
“What did you put in there?” he asked.
The old Nina would have flinched in shame, or at least, she would have recoiled or lowered her eyes. Yet, right now, she stared at Kenzo, although she deeply wished he wasn’t as smart as he was.
She had wanted to avoid a fight, for both of their sake. Now, she was forced to jump right in.
“Sleeping pills...” she answered honestly.
What was the point of lying, anyway? She had bought those sleeping pills yesterday, when he had allowed her to go to the pharmacy - a stone’s throw from here - to get new dressings for her legs.
Now, she watched carefully as Dr. Tenma blinked. She had no idea how he would react, which made her a bit nervous. She didn’t expect hysteric yells and violent punches through the walls, but he could get angry.
As gentle and compassionate as he was, he was still human.
He slowly nodded. His eyes turned colder when they looked up, but his face got more unreadable.
“Powdered, I assume?” he asked, calmly.
“Yes.”
“Would you care to elaborate on that unusual choice of yours?” he asked. It was a really soft way of saying that she was completely slipping. That he wasn’t recognising her anymore.
She didn’t say anything.
He sighed.
“Nina, I get it,” he said with a pure gentleness that she didn’t deserve. “You are sick and tired of being stuck here. You want to go to that village and confront Johann. I get it, but… it’s only been 3 days. You need to give yourself more time to heal… To be fair, I don’t want you to leave the house at all, but I am open to the discussion. If you truly want to go, then we will go together, with a plan, and with backup…”
She shook her head. She already had a plan, one that didn’t require any of that. Everything she needed was in her bag. Yet, a simple shake of the head wouldn’t satisfy him.
“You don’t get it.” she replied. “There is no ‘we’. I leave tonight. But I knew you wouldn’t agree, so…”
She stopped talking, while looking at his drugged cup of tea. She didn’t need to say more.
Dr. Tenma nodded, calmly.
“I see,” he said, before sighing. “You are right about one thing, though. I won’t let you go.”
Of course he would not.
She took a sip of her own tea, to calm down her nerves. The old Nina would have appreciated his concern. She would have felt loved and supported. Now, it was only a problem.
She wanted to be left alone, and he was in her way. She saw him as an obstacle.
And that scared her.
“Why would I obey you?” she asked, coldly.
He shrugged.
“See this as a doctor’s order,” he answered, calmly. “You are my patient, Nina. As your doctor, I have the right to determine whether your health is good enough to allow you to go out on your own, which is… not the case.”
She couldn’t help but smirk. He had some nerves.
“Sweet, but we are not in a hospital.” she hissed in a whisper. They both kept their voices down, not to wake Dieter up who was sleeping upstairs.
“And…” she paused, before nodding at his untouched, drugged cup of tea. “This was me being generous.”
“Generous?”
She sighed. Well, he obviously wanted to confront her verbally. She was going to give him what he wished for.
So, she attacked.
“You have nothing, Kenzo, nothing to make me stay here. The main door is locked, but I got the keys. I already have my bag prepared. I have taken the car’s keys.”
“Which car?”
“The one parked right in front of the house.”
“That’s mine, actually.” Kenzo said, without her knowing if he was amused or not.
“And I am going to be honest,” she continued. “That’s not the only thing I stole from you. I stole a bit of cash too, but don’t worry, I’ll repay you, I promise.”
His face didn’t budge. He couldn’t care less about his money, it seemed.
Nina fidgeted. It was disturbing to fight him, to be fair. She had assumed it would be easy, or at least, easier than dealing with the fucking psychopath that she called brother.
Yet, it was as if she was punching the air right now. She was poking him, attacking him, to make him react, to make him see who she had become, and yet, he seemed unbothered.
“So… What could you possibly do, Kenzo?” she continued, narrowing her eyes. “Do you think you can convince me to stay, with the power of your puppy eyes and your I-am-a-super-serious-doctor face?”
She let out a humorless chuckle.
“You are powerless.” she concluded, firmly.
“If I am powerless, why did you try to drug me? Why did you try to sneak out? The whole point was to avoid a fight, was it not?”
He had a point.
She scowled.
“Again…” she grumbled, darkly. “It was me being gentle.”
This time, he didn’t answer. Her harsh tone finally touched something in him, making him more distrustful.
“There are only two choices you can make…” she explained. “One, you can let me go without doing anything. You stay here, in that warm, cozy room, I can even make you a cup of tea that is drinkable, if you want…”
She deeply wanted this option to happen, but she was not that naive.
The doctor’s face slowly darkened.
“And if I don’t?” he whispered.
She held his gaze and raised her chin.
“Then, I’ll do whatever it takes.”
He looked down, but he didn’t seem frightened nor horrified by her threat. In fact, he only looked… pained. Saddened. He pitied her, openly, which made her… angry.
She could almost understand Johann and his burning hatred of pity right now. It was not a good sign, she knew. Having more and more similarities with Johann could only be bad…
“Don’t let him win, Nina.” Dr. Tenma suddenly whispered, so gently.
She flinched as if he had just stood up to slap her.
“What are you talking about?” she hissed through clenched teeth. That was an useless question. She already knew what he was implying.
“Don’t let him change you.”
She blinked.
Then, she laughed.
Oh, that was so ironic.
That was what Kenzo didn’t understand; if Johann had actually managed to change her the way he implied, she would have won already. He would have been dead, that night, she would have managed to stab his throat, and those innocent kids would still be alive.
Her not being changed was the reason why they died. No matter how painful it was to admit it, those murders were her failure.
Suddenly, she didn’t want to talk anymore. She was sick and tired of this little chat that would lead them nowhere.
She smiled at Kenzo, before standing up and turning around.
“Thank you for everything you did for me, Dr. Tenma. Take care of yourself, you deserve it. Ha-
“Nina, wait!”
He suddenly stood up, rushed towards her… and he gently grabbed her wrist. She stopped walking and she saw red. Her body reacted instinctively, before she could think.
She turned around, grabbed his wrist and twisted it. The doctor immediately bent down, trying to ease the pressure on his joints. He let out a painful gasp, which pierced Nina’s heart.
She hated herself. She wanted to die.
She was so furious at herself for doing this to the person who helped her the most. Her blood was boiling. How on Earth was her frail body able to carry so much pain and rage without exploding?
“Do you want to know something?” she suddenly whispered, her tone far too flat compared to the gravity of the situation. Dr. Tenma’s face was twisted in pain, but he was listening to her.
“When I was kidnapped…” her voice shook, but hardened. “Johann was in the same posture as you, at some point. I had actually managed to restrain him. I got the upper hand over him, Kenzo... For the first time since we’ve fought, he was the one who was powerless, at my mercy… And do you know what I did, with that control… ?”
She paused, while knowing that Kenzo was unable to answer her.
“Nothing!” she spat. Her lower lip shook. “I did nothing, I couldn’t hurt him, and then, I was restrained once more, and those five kids… You asked me who they were, do you remember?” she sniffed. Her voice broke. “They died, Kenzo! He had kidnapped them too, and he murdered them all, right in front of me!”
She let go of him.
Now free, Kenzo stood up, out of breath, and finally, he took a few steps back, away from her. His hand wrapped around his painful wrist to stroke the red area.
She looked away.
Him being afraid of her was what she had wanted since the beginning of their argument, but she would lie if she said it didn’t hurt.
It did.
“So…” she continued, coldly, looking at her feet. “I won’t make the same mistake again. You are the last person I want to hurt, but I will, if you continue. This is your last chance, Kenzo. Back down, and leave me alone!”
The doctor shook his head, frowning.
“What about Dieter?”
That was a low blow, but she couldn’t blame him for using this specific card.
“What about him?” she whispered, and before he could argue, she said. “He will be better off without me.”
For the first time, a real, intense anger disfigured the doctor’s face. A deep frown attacked his forehead and his eyes dangerously narrowed.
“How dare you say that?” he hissed.
She would have laughed if she wasn’t that tense.
That was what angered him? She had tried to drug him, had stolen money from him, had just physically attacked him, and this simple truth was what triggered him?
She spread her arms.
“Look at me!” she whispered darkly, voice hoarse. “I am ready to break a bone of yours if you come any closer, and you still think I can stay near him?” she shook her head, turning her head to the side, cowardly. “I am not the Nina you once knew, as you can see. Accept it and move on.”
She dared to look at him, again. His face was unreadable. For a tiny second, she actually thought he was going to accept. He was going to be reasonable, finally, allowing her to leave.
He was going to abandon her, because that was all she deserved.
And then…
“No.”
She gritted her teeth.
“Dr. Tenma-”
“Oh, don’t get me wrong, I got it…” he interrupted her calmly, while slowly approaching her once more. All traces of fear disappeared from his face, as if she didn’t attack him a few seconds ago.
She didn’t move.
“You don’t need to threaten me twice, Nina. I understand, but… I can’t. I can’t watch you leave without doing anything. I just can’t, I’d rather be hurt. Because at least, in that scenario, I'd know that I did everything I could…” he paused, his dark eyes carrying a deep sadness that could pierce anyone’s soul.
“At least, I’d know that I didn’t fail you twice.” he said, softly.
That hit her full force. She realized how selfish she had been, since she was rescued. She had been so busy hurting and plotting her revenge that she didn’t consider how deeply affected Kenzo was.
He was blaming himself, of course he was.
“You never failed me, Kenzo.” she whispered honestly. “What happened to me wasn’t your fault.” she swallowed, before continuing with a real, soft tone. “I was kidnapped, because Johann happened to be more resourceful than all of us combined, that’s all.”
Dr. Tenma shook his head.
“I am sorry, but it is not an acceptable answer.”
Too stubborn for his own good.
“Why not?” Nina fought back, but out of despair, this time, not out of anger. “It is the truth…”
He sighed.
“Because I am a doctor, Nina,” he ended up answering firmly. “A doctor heals and protects their patients. And I failed.”
“I am not your patient.”
He let out a little laugh.
“Of course you are,” he answered softly, each word soaked in love. “You have been my patient ever since you arrived at the hospital, when you were a little girl, Nina. You ran away, which of course interrupted the care, but… I’ve always been your doctor. And then, you became more than that: you became a dear friend. And a friend protects. So, in fact, I failed you, as a doctor and as a friend.”
She didn’t even realize that she was crying. Silent tears rolled down her cheeks.
He would never back down. He would never let her go without struggling.
I’d rather be hurt.
“You are so stupid.”
That was all she could whisper, before a lump blocked her throat. Before she rushed towards him, hitting him at the back of his head with the first hard object she could reach - a little table lamp.
It happened quickly. Dr. Tenma didn’t even have the time to dodge her strike. He fell down, unconscious, but she caught him before he could touch the floor. She gently made him lay down on the floor.
She ignored her own silent sobs.
Then, she knelt down right in front of him and checked his pulse. Of course, she didn’t strike to kill, but she just wanted to reassure herself. He was still breathing. There was no blood. Everything was fine.
He was just knocked out. He would wake up with a headache, and a nasty bump.
She let out a strangled breath.
She stood up, looked down at him while she wiped her tears away. As she breathed and closed her eyes, she focused, and slowly locked her guilt and sadness into the familiar bubble of emptiness that had been lodged in her stomach since she arrived here.
Slowly, but surely, she didn’t feel anything. She was free. The cold claws of guilt were sent away. She could think clearly, now.
She opened her eyes, now dry.
She walked away, going into the kitchen to take her bag. Once it was settled on her shoulders, she headed towards the exit. She unlocked the front door, walked outside, and sent one last glance at the unconscious doctor lying in the living room.
Who deserved better than her.
“Have a long, happy life, Kenzo. My dear friend.” She spoke in Czech once more, before closing the door behind her.
It was the second time she wished the best for someone she abandoned.
Someone that couldn’t hear her right now.