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No one asked.
Scott would guess it was because they just assumed he didn't remember or didn't want to talk about it.
Or they didn't care.
No. He couldn't think like that, couldn't let himself drown in self pity.
“You'll heal.”
Stiles was so bitter, so angry. Scott couldn't blame him though, he should never of trusted Theo.
But still, he wished they could make up quickly just so he could talk to Stiles about how weird it all was.
But not the dying part.
Scott would start with telling him how Allison's words made more sense then ever to him now.
“It doesn't hurt.”
"Its okay."
He had felt okay.
Deserving of his fate,
It was only once he got settled down after coming back that after thoughts set in.
How could he possibly think that?
Then Scott would explain how he realized why. How he was the one who always pulled them into this world full of deadly monsters.
Stiles, Malia, Kira, Lydia and Liam.
His pack.
Or what was left of it.
So many thoughts had filled his mind that at the moment back then he hadn't realized how much they hurt until rethinking them.
Would Allison have lived if he had broken it off with her after finding out her dad was a hunter?
Would her mother still have survived?
Would her family be whole?
Would the Alpha Pack have come to Beacon Hills if it weren't for him?
Would Derek be an alpha?
Would Erica and Boyd have died? Would the two of them and Isaac even be werewolves?
Would Jackson have become the Kanima and murdered so many people?
Would Lydia ever of unlocked her abilities?
What would of Peter Hale done if he hadn't bitten Scott McCall?
Would Peter have bitten Stiles instead?
Would Stiles even have gone out into the woods without him?
Would Stiles be Stiles without him?
Would Beacon Hills be a better place if Scott McCall wasn't there?
In the end all this had done was give him a headache.
Scott wasn't narcissistic, he knew he wasn't responsible for all the calamity in their lives.
At each and every point of strife he had done all he could do to help.
And yet, in that moment,all those things were his fault and him dying would somehow help things.
It would've made things easier.
But feeling that wasn't the weirdest part.
He could picture Stiles staring at him, over dramatically. Probably call him a dumb ass or something before urging him on.
Scott would say how the weirdest part had been that he felt more terror the moment Stiles charged at him then when he had died.
He couldn't think of the face Stiles would make at that point because if he were able to talk to him then it would never of happened at all. At least he hoped.
Scott would describe how it felt like his lungs were burning, his insides were on fire. Things were happening so fast and he felt like he couldn't breath.
Then there was also a moment, so small, but a moment where he didn't want to breath.
Would he have been able to admit that out loud if they could talk?
If he told Stiles now would the other even care?
Scott knew it was stupid and wrong and dumb and he shouldn't ever think that when he knew his pack needed him.
But did they?
And those thoughts refused to stop. No matter how hard he tried the thoughts repeatedly occured.
That's why he needed to imagine talking to Stiles.
It was easier then listening to them.
Otherwise the thoughts wouldn't shut up.
Scott had been more scared when Stiles had slammed into him then when he had died.
More sick to his stomach when Theo questioned if he was truly Stiles's best friend and the other hadn't reacted, not really.
(Was he?)
When Malia had shrugged him off he felt kicked, stupid too. Because dying shouldn't have alerted him to the trouble his friend was going through. He saw her distress and could tell something was off, he should of known weeks ago and he didn't.
That wasn't right.
He cared more about when Stiles had said the words 'You'll heal' then when he died.
He would not be able to admit that part to Stiles. He would not be able to let his friend know that because there was only two reactions he could think of.
One where Stiles felt guilty.
Or one where he didn't care.
Scott hated them both.
Stiles's bitter words were more painful then Theo's claws in him.
Scott knew that wasn't right. Being more hurt by words then dying wasn't right and wasn't healthy.
(Not that being hurt by words was wrong, but dying was much worse. At least it should of been.)
Not telling anyone how he had passed out wasn't healthy.
If they were on good terms would he have told Stiles?
He could pass out again, maybe while he's driving or in the middle of a fight.
(And he got into so many of those.)
The wound wasn't healing, he should of mentioned that too.
He didn't last time but he hadn't known then, not really. Stiles had been there then, it was him, Allison and Lydia who saved Scott that long time ago. But Lydia was catatonic now, Allison was dead and Stiles... Stiles wasn't there.
And Scott didn't blame him, things changed.
Last time it happened was because of Derek's 'death'. But this time it was different, because this time it actually was his fault.
Would Stiles agree to that though?
Yes.
There, that was another reason to keep quiet.
Because hearing those words would hurt too much.
And every time he thought about telling anyone the words 'Not yet' sprung to mind. Because then it would get back to Stiles and he didn't know if he could take it if Stiles didn't care.
Plus everyone had so much to deal with already.
There was barely a moment where something wasn't happening, no one needed to add this to their ever lasting list of problems.
That wasn't right.
Because the injury might get him killed (again.)
But letting himself listen to those excuses was easier.
There was also one more thing.
One more terrible possibility.
Because, inevitably, the question would come up.
Discreetly or mockingly or maybe even (hopefully not) seriously.
And if it was serious then there would be concern or worry in their voice.
(The thought made him cringe because that made everything just so much worse.)
Scott knew that if someone knew his feelings then they'd ask in some form.
You didn't... you didn't hope you'd stay dead, right?
You're kidding me right? Don't tell me you wish you didn't come back... Scott?
Do you want to be dead?
The simple answer was 'No.'
Or maybe 'Of course not!'
And then laughing because the absurd thought.
But Scott McCall wasn't a liar, which was lucky considering half his friends (were they still his friends?) would've heard his heart jump.
Even if he tried he couldn't make himself lie for this.
Not about this.
So Scott wouldn't of been able to give them an answer, not a real one.
Because he didn't have one.
And, when he thought about it, that was all the answer they would need.
So, in the end, it was a good thing they never asked.
Wasn't it?