Chapter Text
Shinobu always felt like she was short on time.
The sands of time were always slipping away from her fingertips, never quite able to grasp them. Time always flew past her, quick and fast, too fast for her to keep up.
Her parents used to scold her for trying to grow up too fast. From the moment she learned how to walk and talk, she was headstrong, wanting to be seen as mature, strong, and independent. They said she had all the time in the world to grow up, to learn the intricacies of life. Time was abundant.
Once upon a time, she believed those words. She thought she had all the time in the world with them.
At the age of eleven, her parents died a tragic death at the hands of a demon. At eleven, time seemed to accelerate. At eleven, she didn't mature and harden herself because she wanted to, but because she needed to, lest she let time outrun her.
It didn’t take long for her and her sister to pick up a sword and start hunting demons for stealing their time. It took even less time for her to form her own breathing style when she learned she could never possess the strength to behead a demon. All the while, she developed poisons to fight the demons. And before Shinobu could even blink, her sister rose to the ranks of the top of the Demon Corps in just two short years. Together they handled the medical team and hospital of the Demon Slayers. Together they supported the organization, hoping to give people more time.
Time to heal. Time to train. Time to get stronger. And time to fight back against demons. For a while, she thought she was ahead of time.
Then her sister's time was cut short in another tragic incident.
In her last moments, Kanae told her to live life, to forget about demons, and live a normal life.
But Shinobu simply couldn’t. Time was running past her, demons were getting stronger, and more people were suffering and dying. How could she spend her time living happily while others were losing theirs? She didn’t deserve all that time, not when she wasn’t allowed to spend it with her parents or her beloved sister.
So she had no choice but to pick up the pace. Her small stature offered no physical strength, but it benefited her speed. Something she used to her advantage. She had to be faster to keep up with time. She had to pierce her enemies swiftly before they could kill her. She had to analyze poisons quicker than they could deteriorate and kill. She had to train her Tsugukos harder so they would have more time.
It’s why she spent a year injecting herself with wisteria. To become the ultimate weapon against the demon that killed her sister, she would gladly sacrifice her time.
And yet, in her last moments, as she felt coldness seep into her skin, her lungs, every vessel of blood in her veins, she wished she had more time.
Briefly, she could see Kanao, her darling little sister, her Tsuguko, rushing in as she felt her time slowly seeping away. She wished she had more time to see her grow. In these past few months, Kanao had made strides to become more independent, less scared to make her own choices.
How Shinobu wished she had more time to see her grow into her full height, into the bright young woman.
She thought of Aoi and how much the girl reminded Shinobu of her younger self. Always pouting with a serious attitude held in her brows. Always acting older than she was. She thought about how Aoi hid her big heart and overwhelming worry with her brash and curt words. She thought about how the girl begged her to teach her medical care because, even though she was too cowardly to hold a sword, she still wanted to help people.
Shinobu taught her everything she could, yet she wished she had more time to teach her more.
She thought of the three girls, Naho, Sumi, and Kiyo. She thought about how young all three of them were when they came into her care. How young they still were. How Naho liked to weave flowers into Shinobu’s hair. How Sumi still crawled into her bed in the middle of the night. How Kiyo always begged for sweets before dinner.
She felt guilty for leaving them so soon, for not spending more time nurturing them.
It was odd how all her memories seemed to replay in her head with vividness. She recalled what she had said to Zenitsu on Mount Natagumo: that her body was searching for a way to avoid death. The irony in how she came into the fight knowing she would die, betting on the fact that she would get eaten by this demon, and yet her body was looking to avoid it.
It was null, there was no hope in her surviving. She was already bleeding to death from the wound across her chest. Her lungs could barely intake any air from the multiple puncture holes and cold icy air produced by the Upper Two Demon. She was already losing consciousness, her eyes feeling heavy.
She hoped her sacrifice was enough. That her time was enough. She hoped she finally caught up to time.
The world went black.
Time felt still.
She felt like she was floating. In a state of nothingness. She didn’t know how long she had been in this state. It didn’t feel like anything particular. No pain. No temperature. Just voidness.
And suddenly, she was in a forest. It was familiar. She realized it was the forest by her childhood home. The one her parents would take her and her sister to on bright summer days to have lunch and play in the stream. The same forest they foraged for medicinal herbs. The forest that held the fondest memories, memories she had almost forgotten.
Across the stream stood her sister, Kanae, smiling proudly at her. Behind her were her mother and father. Tears pricked the corners of her eyes. She could finally see them again.
She took a step to cross the stream. She was nearly halfway when her sister met her to hug her. Shinobu sobbed as she clutched onto her. How she longed to hug her sister once more. She pressed in close, burying herself into her sister's collarbone.
“I missed you, Kanae. I missed you so much you don’t even know,” she sobbed as her sister pulled away slightly to get a good look at her face. “I worked so hard. I know you wanted me to live, but I couldn’t, not without avenging you first. And I did it. The demon that killed you is no more.”
Kanae smiled gently, brushing Shinobu’s bangs away from her eyes. “I’m proud of you, my dear little sister, how strong you have grown.”
Shinobu sniffled, wiping away tears. “Let’s go. What’s done is done. I’m ready to go,” she said hurriedly, always needing to be ahead.
But Kanae stops her. “I miss you so much, my dear sister, but I’m afraid it’s not your time to cross yet.”
“What?” Shinobu said, trying to push past her. She wants to give her parents a hug, to run into their arms, to make up for the lost time.
But Kanae’s grip was strong, unrelenting, still her smile shone proudly, beaming. “Thank you for avenging me, Shinobu. You did well, so you deserve more time.”
Shinobu tries to protest. She had enough time. She accomplished all that she set out to do. She killed dozens of demons, saved many lives, and avenged her sister with all the time she had. She didn’t understand.
“Use the time to live. Fulfill my wish, Shinobu, and live!” Kanae said, pushing her back. Shinobu found herself falling back into the stream. She tried desperately to hold onto her sister's hands, but it was out of her grasp as the water took hold of her.
—-
She can feel a dull pain everywhere in her body. She feels weak, too weak to open her eyes. Her lungs especially hurt. Every breath comes with a sharp pain. She finds some strength in her to weakly open her eyes.
It’s bright. So bright it hurts. It takes a while for her eyes to adjust, things are blurry for the first few minutes she registers the wooden ceiling. She’s confused, it takes all of her strength to even move her head a bit to get more of an idea where she is.
She’s in a bed, alone in a small room that she recognizes as one of the private rooms they reserve for patients who would take a long time to recover. Several bags are hooked into her arm, she recognizes them as nutrients and hydration bags. There’s a slight breeze coming from the window opened to her left. Sun filters in through the curtains of the window. On her bedside is a small vase full of fresh flowers.
She’s still so severely confused, that it trumps the pain as she tries to sit up, but to no avail. Her body shoots with pain.
Suddenly there’s a crash. She looks at the door and sees Tomioka Giyuu standing at the door. His one hand is shaking. Just one, his other hand is missing.
A small tray is on the floor along with the shards of the kettle and teacup as the tea seeps into the wooden floors, “Kocho…” he says in a whisper.
His eyes widen in disbelief, a flash of relief and then in realization before he exits the door and yells, “She’s awake!”
It’s the loudest she’s ever recalled his voice being. In a flurry Kanao is the first to rush through the door, followed by Aoi and the three little girls. All of them have tears in their eyes as they rush over, all of them sob and mumble so many words at once that Shinobu can barely understand them.
“So worried!” “What took you so long,” “I thought we’d lost you!” “We missed you so much!”
They’re all clearly in a mix of distress and relief.
She blinks in disbelief. She’s not sure if this is all real. How can this all be? She can feel her heartbeat, her lungs fill with air, and her blood rushing through her veins.
She’s alive. She has been granted more time.
Before she can even speak, small tears fill her eyes, and the world goes blurry. Her hands shake weakly as she sobs. It makes the girls sob harder as they get in closer to her. She sobs and sobs until her tears are fired up and she doesn’t have the energy left in her and she dozes back into slumber.
Part of her hopes that this isn’t some sick cruel dream.
When she wakes again. She doesn’t know how much time has passed, but there are new flowers in the vase on her bedside and the golden hues that seep through the window cue her in what time of day it is.
None of the girls are there, but Giyuu sits on a chair by her bedside. He sits quietly with a book in his hand. She observes for a few moments, his hair is cut short just barely brushing his shoulders. He’s not wearing his mismatched haori or uniform, but instead a light blue kimono jacket over a white button up with gray hakama pants. Something about him in general is different too. His presence is still as calm as still water, but it’s not as cold as it used to be. She tries to sit up and speak.
As she tries her body shoots with pain, her lungs feel tight, and her mouth feels dry. In a flash Giyuu helps her prop herself up against the bed frame before carefully holding a cup of water to her mouth. She drinks slowly, like how she always instructs patients after coming out of a coma.
After a moment she tries to take a deep breath. Her lungs still burn in agony. Giyuu sits back down. It surprises her when he is the first to speak between them. If she had the energy she would tease him.
“How do you feel?”
“Tired,” she says, her voice feeling rough against her throat, “a lot of pain in my lungs.”
Giyuu nods, “That makes sense, they said you had several openings in your lungs,” he says solemnly, “you lost a lot of blood… we weren’t sure if you were ever going to wake up.”
There are so many questions running through her head. How is she still alive? Is this all a dream? What happened? She’s uncharacteristically quiet for once. She can’t decide what to ask first. Giyuu stays quiet by her side, always one to prefer waiting and listening.
After a moment or so she decides, “How long have I been out?”
“Six months and fourteen days,” he says without missing a beat.
Six months. She blinks in disbelief, “…and the others?”
She knows she doesn’t need to clarify what she means by others. The other Hashira, her fellow slayers, the Kamado siblings and their friends. She tries to read Giyuu’s expression. It’s another change about him. He now has subtle changes in his expressions. It’s not much, but it’s more movement in his eyebrows and lips, but what really surprises her is his eyes.
She’s used to his sapphire eyes reflecting back nothing. It was like staring at the water at the bottom of the well. Dark and still.
But now there’s a flurry of emotions running through the sapphire blue. They seem brighter too, like the ocean on a summer day.
“The Kamado siblings are alive and well, Tanjiro was almost turned into a demon but he was saved by your serum, Nezuko is human now too. They moved back to their home in the mountains along with Inosuke and Zenistu,” There’s happiness in his voice, another change that she notices, but isn’t unwelcome to it. It sounds softer.
“There were a lot of casualties… many injured, a lot more dead,” She expected that, “I was out for the first few months and they were still making certificates and identifying people when I came to.”
She wonders for a brief moment how high those numbers were. Death was common in war. Shinobu knew that there was no war without casualties.
“Besides us, Sanemi is the only other Hashira that survived.”
The information shakes her to her core. They were supposed to be the strongest pillars gathered, but now nearly all of them are gone. Himejima. Igurou. Tokito. Kanroji. Gone.
She tries not to cry. She looks up and weakly grips the sheets under her fingertips.
“And Muzan…?”
“He’s dead,” Giyuu says before she can finish her sentence, “it was a long and tiring battle, but now he’s gone and so is every demon in the world except that demon boy with Tamayo.”
She feels relief rush over her. It’s over. It’s all over. No more people losing their lives, no more fighting till they were on the brink of death, no more battles that feel impossible. It took so many sacrifices, so many lives. But they did it.
But as the relief comes, a question still stands, what comes next? She hadn’t thought about life after the war, she planned to die with it.
“You should rest,” Giyuu says, but she shakes her head.
“No I still have questions,” but her body betrays her as her eyes get heavy.
The corners of Giyuu’s lips move upwards. She blinks, as if she had imagined it, a trick of the light. But his soft small smile is still resting on his face. It’s the first actual expression that Shinobu has seen him make. She’s so in shock that she doesn’t protest as he helps her to rest on her back.
“You’ve changed Tomioka-San,” she finds herself saying before he leaves. Giyuu freezes on his way to the door.
“I- I hope that’s a good thing.” He says so softly.
Shinobu finds herself smiling, not one of her fake and practiced ones, but a genuine soft smile pulls onto her lips, “You’ve always been so cold and distant, but it’s different now, you’re warmer,” she explains, speaking from the heart.
Giyuu smiles again at her, “The world has changed since the end of demons, I guess I thought I should too.”
Like water, she thinks, as adaptable as ever. She finds comfort that in that aspect Giyuu is still the same. He wishes her a good night before leaving, and slowly exhaustion takes over her again.
—-
The next time she wakes up Aoi and Kanao are in her room. Kanao sits by the bed, holding her hand, while Aoi hovers above her checking her IV. The two are quiet, yet to discover her awake. Shinobu takes the time to observe the two girls.
Aoi looks the same as ever, her perpetual pout still tugging at her lips, and those brows scrunched into a stern furrow. Yet, beneath that familiar scowl, there are new, deeper shadows under her eyes. Her skin is paler, a testament to countless sleepless nights. It’s clear she’s been bearing the brunt of the medical responsibilities in Shinobu’s absence, working herself to the bone.
Kanao, too, appears largely unchanged at first glance, but Shinobu’s heart clenches when she notices the severe damage to her right eye. The once vibrant pupil is now clouded, the aftermath of a brutal battle. Shinobu cannot suppress the gasp that escapes her lips, a sound that shatters the quiet, drawing both girls’ attention instantly.
“Your eye,” she breathes out, her voice cracking with concern. She tries to sit up, desperate to get a closer look at her adoptive little sister’s face. The pain is immediate and overwhelming, but she doesn’t care.
“Shinobu-sama, please stop trying to move, you might reopen a wound!” Aoi scolds her, but her reprimand is accompanied by gentle hands that help her up carefully, slowly, ensuring she is as comfortable as possible.
Shinobu brings a trembling hand to Kanao’s face. Kanao flinches at the touch, clearly not expecting it, but then she smiles, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. She takes Shinobu’s hand in hers, pressing it softly against her cheek.
“I did what I had to do to save you. I don’t regret it,” Kanao says earnestly. The words are strong, but there’s a fragility to them that breaks Shinobu’s heart.
“I thought I told you never to use that technique! That it was too risky!” Shinobu’s voice is a mixture of anger and guilt. She feels a deep, gnawing guilt that eats away at her. If only she had been stronger, if only she had weakened the demon more, if only the demon had devoured her instead, if only she had died…
“You’re one to talk about risky!” Aoi’s voice slices through her spiraling thoughts, snapping her back to reality. She turns to see Aoi, hands trembling as they grip the clipboard, her eyes ablaze with a mixture of fury and hurt. “You can’t say anything after the stupid plan you came up with!”
“Aoi… Please,” Kanao interjects quietly, trying to calm her. But Aoi shakes her head vehemently.
“No, she needs to know how stupid it was to poison herself deliberately,” Aoi’s voice is sharp, each word a stab of pain and frustration.
Shinobu stills, her breath catching in her throat. So, Aoi found out. She had kept it a secret, only a few knew. Aoi was not supposed to be one of them. She swallows hard, opening her mouth to explain herself, but Aoi continues, her voice rising with every word.
“And don’t say it was all you could do, or some bullshit like that! Nothing, and I mean nothing, should be more important than your life. Don’t you realize how many people rely on you? Do you know how hard it was to use the same techniques you taught me to try and save you? How much it hurt to tell the three girls that their big sister would get better, even though I wasn’t even sure you were ever going to wake up? How much fear we had when we thought we’d lose another sister!”
Shinobu has nothing to say. She can’t even look at Aoi, her heart weighed down by an unbearable guilt.
“Aoi-chan.” Kanao tries again, standing up to grab the girl’s hand. Aoi swats it away, her face contorted with anger and pain.
“I know you wanted to avenge Kanae-nee-san. I know you miss her, and would do anything for her. We all did. We all do. But poisoning yourself? Is that honestly what you think Nee-san would've wanted?” Aoi’s voice softens, cracks appearing in her fierce facade, “I know you felt like all of it weighed on you, but don’t you know we could have borne the weight with you?”
Shinobu’s tears flow freely now, falling silently onto her lap. She had been so consumed by her quest for revenge, so blinded by her hatred, that she had tunnel vision toward her goal. She hadn’t thought about how it would affect those around her, the people who loved her and depended on her.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers, her voice breaking. It’s all she can manage, but it’s filled with the depth of her remorse. She finally meets Aoi’s gaze.
Her face is red, there are tears welling in the corner of her eyes. Hurt and anger in her blue eyes. Something crumbles in her resolve as she says her next words, “I know I’m weak, I’m not strong like Kanao, but to not tell me? That hurt Nee-san. I thought you trusted me.”
It’s like the twist of the knife, a deep pang of pain reaches Shinobu’s heart, “You’re not weak Aoi-chan, and I trust you, I do. It’s just…” she says softly, she wishes for Kanae for the right words to say, “I’m the weak one, I’m selfish and unkind” She pulls the words together.
“And I was afraid of being so because I know how much you girls rely on me, you all deserve someone much stronger, much kinder. I thought by poisoning myself I would become stronger, stronger to kill the demon that killed the sister you deserved. I see now how stupid and naive I was.” Shinobu really thought she was doing the mature and selfless act, but she really was immature and selfish, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she sobs.
All three girls are sobbing, Kanao surprisingly goes up to Shinobu to pull her into a gentle embrace, “You’re not weak either Nee-san, you were just doing what you thought was best, but please never do anything like that again, I don’t want to lose any more siblings.” Shinobu shakes, holding the small girl.
She never knew the true depths of Kanao’s trauma. She knew the girl had been horribly abused, but she never investigated too deeply into it, after all it was the past and the girl should just focus on the future.
Aoi walks up, “I won’t forgive you,” she says, Shinobu tries not to be hurt by the words, she is not entitled to her forgiveness, but she continues, “I won’t forgive you, until you swear from this point on, you’ll start relying on us more, and that you’ll never do anything so stupid to get yourself this hurt ever again.”
Shinobu smiles, tears flowing down stronger than before, “I promise.” She weakly tugs Aoi in and the three stay there in a soft embrace for a good while until their sobs calm down.
As they embrace, Shinobu thinks back to what Kanae told her to do: to live.
If Shinobu were honest she doesn't know how. She doesn’t even know where to begin.
Through the war against demon’s Shinobu lived solely on hatred and anger. Her hatred for demons, her anger for all that she had lost, it was her driving force in life. She wouldn’t rest until every demon was dead. But now every demon is gone. Muzan is defeated. There’s no need for that anger, for all that hatred. It leaves her feeling hollow, stripped of purpose.
Yet, in the warm embrace of her precious little sisters, despite the absence of blood ties, their bond feels profoundly strong. She realizes there is one thing that could fill the void, one thing that could rekindle her will to live in this new world, the world she had never planned for. Love.