Chapter Text
I storm out of the house and onto middle of the road. Nobody really drives through here, and especially not at this time of night. The street lamps reflect off of the pavement. I've always found being outside at this time of night calming, beautiful even. Not today.
Today, Tyler announced he was going to replace me with someone else on a project mayhem mission that I spent weeks preparing for. He said that he didn't think I was ready. That I wasn't devoted enough to go through with it, just because I don't repeat and follow every goddamn word he says like some brainwashed fuck.
I'm not usually the one to throw a tantrum and storm off, but I won't stop myself today. I can't win with him. Whatever I may do to try and prove myself, it's never enough. I never get any assignments, which to Tyler means that I'm sitting on my ass and not helping, which in turn, makes him not give me any assignments 'cause I'm "too inexperienced" and I'll "just fuck it up". It's an infinite paradox I can't escape.
Tyler has been distancing himself from me for a while now. I have no clue why. I was here first, this was mine and Tyler's house, our plan for the world, but this whole project mayhem shit has gone too far. Now, it feels like everything's been opened to the public. Especially the house. There's strangers running around, screaming, fighting. The smell of sweat seeping into the walls, making it physically impossible to get rid of.
-Jack! The hell man?- I hear his voice behind me.
I do not turn around.
-Oh come on! You're seriously gonna be this mad about this? I thought you hated project mayhem?
-I never said that, just didn't want a bunch of random men living in our house.- I reply, still walking down the street.
-Boo fucking hoo. Remember this is still my house. You just came to live with me one day. And as for that mission shit, I just think that you aren't experienced enough. Its nothing personal, its just-
-Why do you keep cutting me out of this. I thought we were co-owners. Remember? We started this shit, this whole philosophy. - I pick up my pace.
-Don't you get it? This does not belong to us. We are not any better than the others. We are all part of the same compost heap! Don't you fuckin' forget it!- He's like a real life pop up ad. Still promoting his bullshit, even at a time of crisis.
- Well you sure act like you're better than them. Ordering them around. What kind of equality is that?
-Jesus.- I almost hear him rolling his eyes. His ocean-like eyes. They use to know me, those blue slits on Tyler's face. Scars that exposed the under layer of skin, which in the case of Tyler Durden, was a soul, that he despised showing anyone.- The fuck happened to you man?- That question gets me to turn and look at him.
-What happened? You happened.- I start slowly walking backwards, there's no time to waste when escaping Tyler.- You took me out of my normal, comfortable life and threw me into this crazy bullshit! The least you could do now is you make me throwing my life away worth it!
-So what? You think no one else has sacrificed their 9 to 5, corporate, ikea obsessed ass to be involved in this? All of those fuckin' space monkeys had lives before project mayhem.
-But they joined after the struggles. After fight club got popular, people started testing the waters and realized this was the way they wanted to live, and that they weren't the only one's. Me? Since day one I have been there with you. I threw the first punch in the history of fight club. I quit my job for this. I listened to you fuck marla every single day! I had no idea if this was a feasible way to live, there were no testimonies to go off of. This was a risk no one else took. - I turn back around.
-Yeah? What about me huh? I had a life before all this too, you know! I was perfectly fine just making soap without you. And you were barely living. Some ikea obsessed, tourist and insomniac walking around pretending to still have a pulse. I helped you. When I first met you, you were fucking miserable!
-Well I'm miserable now too, so I guess you didn't change me much.
-You're not miserable. You're just overreacting because of something stupid.
-God....- I force my tired legs to speed up.
-Oh come on! Where the hell are you even going?- Still following me, he pulls out a cigarette and lights it. I cannot believe he's smoking right now.
-I don't know. Maybe Marla's.
I hear Tyler whispering something to himself, barely audible because of the cigarette he's holding between his lips. We walk like that for a little bit until he calls out to me.
-Jack! Jack!!! You know that if you don't turn back willingly, I'll drag you back to that goddamn house, right?!
-Why bother? It's not like I contribute anything.
-Fuckin'..- I hear him running towards me, and before I can turn to look, Tyler has me in a chokehold and is dragging me onto the side of the road.
Fighting back doesn't help. Every time I move he squeezes my throat even more, making me desperate for air. I wonder in that moment, if he's going to beat me up. Hit me square in the jaw, rendering me unconscious.
But alas, we sit down on a nearby curb, he's holding me in a loose, one-handed chokehold now. A threat. If I try to run, he'll cut off my oxygen supply again. My head rests on his chest, while the rest of my upper body sits between his spread out legs. With his free hand, Tyler takes the cigarette he's somehow still smoking, and lowers it to my mouth. I take a drag of it, and slowly exhale. We sit like that for a while.
-You know..- The back of my head feels the vibrations of those words as they escape through his throat. Like my own personal earthquake. - when I was like 7 or 8, i ran away from home.
-Tyler, I swear, if this is some lesson about how I need your great words of wisdom to survive, then save it.
He chuckles.
-No, no. I um... Me and my dad got into a fight over.. somethin'. He told me to go to my room. I did, I also packed some candy with a half full water bottle and escaped through the window. I had no idea where to go, so I just walked across the street to a park. He didn't even notice until 2 hours later.- He laughs again.- I was so scared that he was never gonna find me.
Tyler takes a moment to examine the stars in the night sky. Almost like he's searching for a specific glowing orb, that he can't seem to find.- But I was also... free? Like, after all that people expected from me, I could just play on the swings and not give a shit. Even though by the 30th minute I was practically shitting myself. I mean, well I didn't have the balls to go through with it back then, but technically, I could have just wandered off. Never to be seen again.
I try and turn to the side and look up at him. My ear, now on his chest. The story Tyler's telling, constantly interrupted by his heartbeat. Not in a distracting way, it's almost like they're synced. Rhythmically complimenting one another. The top of his head and face is illuminated by street lamps, which in turn, shadows the well-placed sharp facial features.
He looks like a goddamn painting. I imagine myself smearing the wet paint, denying anyone else the rights to look at it.
The chokehold-like position Tyler's been keeping me in has completely loosened by now. Instead, the arm he's had near my neck falls onto my chest. He lowers his gaze to make eye contact with me.
-The point is... now that we're here, I once again feel like a weight's been lifted from my shoulders.- Tyler's eyes go back to the midnight sky.- I can finally lay back and breathe. Its a selfish want, you know? To relax. A want I wish I didn't have.
He kept talking like that for a while. I was only half listening. The other half focused on the cool breeze, the hand on my chest, the fact that I haven't experienced this type of quiet in a while. It was only him rambling and me listening, the same way it was back then.
-Tyler?- I interject.
-Yeah?
My hand reaches into the pocket he keeps a few loose cigs and a lighter in.
-Shut the fuck up.
He watches me light one and bring it up to my mouth. As soon as I finish breathing in the smoke, he grabs it out of my hands. To my dismay, using the hand that's been laying on me.
-You know, I wanna put you back on that stillwood street mission.
-No, I mean. It's fine.
-I want to. It's not that I didn't believe in you. I always did, just that.... I don't know. I just had a moment of hesitation i guess. You're not gonna fail.
I watch him inhale half the cigarette all at once. One of his many signature moves. Then, he passes it back to me.
-And I swear to god, if you fail me after I gave you this stupid fucking ted talk, I'll never get over it. Keep that in mind.- I can't figure out if he's joking or not, and the tone doesn't help at all.
I take a drag of the cigarette.
-I won't, I think.
I hear the cigarette being thrown somewhere. Tyler pushes my head off his chest. He grunts and cracks his neck as he gets up.
-Come on amigo.- A hand grabs me by my shirt and pulls me up, not really helping me at all.- We look like a couple of fags, and you look half asleep already.
We start walking back to the house in complete silence. A comfortable silence. It's our way of acknowledging each other and the things that we did together, without having to talk about them. It's better this way, makes our long confusing talks and the stupid, immature shit we do less awkward. By the end of the day, it's all sorted out. Even if it was never verbally talked through. We don't even really have labels, he's never refer to me as his friend and neither have I. Even though we are friends (i think), we're known as just Jack and Tyler.
As we get closer to the house, the first thing I notice is a couple of project mayhem members standing in the front yard.
-What are they doing? It's the middle of the night.
-They're protecting the house so no one can steal our plans or... something like that. I don't know, it was Angel faces idea and everyone agreed that it would make sense to take turns standing guard. I told them that no one's been here for ages but they insisted. Said that one day some government official might find out where we're based and try to kill us all- He stops walking and turns to looks at me. I stop with him.- It's funny, because if that were to happen, they'd bring weapons that could wipe half of us out in a second. I mean, the fuck are a few guards gonna do about a rocket launcher
-The illusion of safety.- I say and glance at him, catching a quick smirk before we both revert our gaze back to the house and make our way to it.
-Sir's!- I hear one of them yell.
-Quiet, you'll wake the other's.- Tyler responds and pushes the door open.
-Why do we have guards but no lock for the front door?- I ask.
-Wish I could tell you man.
I wish I could tell you.