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Fear wasn't something Zoro was used to, having long since come to terms that if he died, he died. There was no point in worrying about something that may or may not happen, especially if it hindered his abilities in the moment. Maybe after the fact Zoro would allow himself to feel how close he had come to dying, but never in the moment. And he had never really been afraid for another person. At least, not until a certain rubbery-limbed captain had crashed into his life.
Luffy was strong. Zoro knew this. He was also resilient. This he also knew. However, that didn't stop trickles of fear running through him when they went up against particularly strong opponents. Or when Luffy did something incredibly stupid.
It was his captain's stupidity that led to the current fear in Zoro, the ice spiking deep in his gut until it felt like his entire being was frozen. Zoro wasn't close enough. He was too far away. Luffy was going to die and there was nothing he could do.
Because Luffy just had to see the platform that the King of the Pirates was executed at. And not only that, he had to see what the man himself had seen, to take in the last sights that the king saw before he perished. And of course, that stupid clown had to arrive—though, that wasn't really Luffy's fault. That was just bad luck.
The icy feeling grew as Zoro cut down pirate after pirate, hardly paying any attention to them as he fought his way to his captain. He was vaguely aware of Sanji at his side, the cook kicking people out of his way as if they weighed nothing. But none of that mattered. All that mattered was Luffy, up on that platform stuck in a pillory and unable to escape and with a sword poised to strike.
He was too far. He wasn't going to make it. There were too many pirates in between him and his captain. His friend. His lover. Luffy was going to die and there was nothing Zoro could do to protect him.
“I'm the man who will be the King of the Pirates,” Luffy shouted above the din of battle below him, causing Zoro's gaze to go up to his. Despite his predicament and the sword above him, the bastard was still grinning ear-to-ear, his voice still as sure and steady as it always was when he declared his dream. He laughed even louder and god he was staring certain death in the face and laughing. Fucking laughing.
Fuck, not like this, Zoro's brain pleaded as he cut down another pirate. He knew he was too far away but that wasn't going to stop him. He was going to do everything he could to get there. To stop this.
“Hey, Zoro!” At Luffy's voice, Zoro looked up again, his teeth gritting around Wado's hilt in his mouth. “Sanji, Nami, and Usopp,” he continued, his eyes fixed down below. Despite the distance, Zoro was sure it was him Luffy was staring at, his black eyes sparkling. “Sorry! I'm dead.”
You— Zoro never finished that thought, a light flashing across his vision as if the very sky itself split open, the roar that followed it nearly deafening.
Staring wide-eyed, it took Zoro's brain a few seconds to comprehend what it was he was seeing. The execution tower that had stood for so long was a smoldering pile on the ground, beams twisted and scattered. And standing among it all, unharmed as if his life hadn't nearly been ended several different ways, was Luffy. A lone hand stretched out to catch his hat, placing it firmly on his head as he looked at the rubble around him in almost disinterest, as if he knew he wasn't going to die that day.
Zoro blinked and looked over at Sanji who was staring at Luffy with the exact same stunned expression. Their gazes met for a second and Zoro could see the same thoughts reflected in his eyes, the “what the hell was that” being at the forefront followed by “you saw that right?”
”Do you believe in god?” Sanji finally muttered, staring at Luffy like he wasn’t sure if he was having an epiphany or a stroke.
No Zoro really didn’t. But he felt like he should start believing in Luffy’s luck. Or maybe he should just start believing in Luffy. He was already his captain and someday he’d be his king so he may as well be his fucking god too. He had saved him after all.
“Let's go!” Luffy exclaimed happily, running up to them with his dazzling grin back in place. “I'm not going to die today!”
That was hours ago now, the storm having finally faded out around them as they sailed across the ocean. But the scenes still played back in Zoro's mind, keeping him awake despite the late hour of the night. They got lucky, there was no other way to look at what had happened. It was only because of dumb luck that Luffy was still alive. If that lightning bolt had been seconds later, or hadn't struck at all, Luffy would be dead. He would have been executed in the same place as Gol D. Roger and there wouldn't have been anything Zoro could have done. He was powerless to stop it. And that, that scared him too.
He was supposed to be the strong one. He was supposed to protect those of the crew who couldn't protect themselves. He was supposed to always be one step behind his captain, watching his back while he focused on the horizon in front of him. And yet, when his captain needed him the most, Zoro wasn't there. How could he call himself the first mate when he nearly let his captain die? How could he be a good lover if his partner almost died on his watch?
Zoro was so engrossed in his thoughts, his steps pacing across the damp deck, that he didn't hear the steps approaching him, their distinctive sandal-slapping sound lost amid the chaos of his mind.
“Zoro thinks too much.”
He didn't jump. Trained swordsmen do not jump. Zoro simply startled was all, his hands reflexively reaching for his blades as he turned to see who had snuck up on him.
“Huh?” was his elegant response, eyes focusing in on the person whom his mind was currently fixated on.
“I said that Zoro thinks too much,” Luffy repeated, his head tilting minutely as he regarded him. His dark hair hung partially in front of his face, casting shadows across his features. Though his eyes remained visible through the strands, concern piercing their dark depths.
Zoro turned partially away, his hands pulling away from his katanas' sheaths. “It's fine. It's nothing.”
“No it's not,” Luffy insisted as he sat down, his legs crossing beneath him. He continued to stare up at Zoro, tracking him as he continued to pace across the deck, his feet unable to sit still. Voice soft, Luffy pressed, “What is it?”
Zoro shook his head, still unable to calm his body enough to stop pacing. Luffy nearly died and yet he was acting nonchalant, as if nothing of interest had happened that day. As if he hadn't been a heartbeat away from death. How could Zoro explain that to him? The fear that tore at his body when he realized he couldn't do anything to protect him?
A small huff of disapproval drew Zoro's attention back to Luffy. His face was beginning to pull down into a pout as he watched him, his eyebrows knitting together. “Zoro. Sit.”
There was a quiet command behind Luffy's words, the order stopping Zoro in his tracks. It took him a few seconds, but he was able to go and sit in front of him, his fingers digging into his own flesh as he did so.
Luffy continued to watch him, his head having straightened up so that his face was clearly visible. Worry marred his features, concern pinching his lips downwards. “Talk to me,” he said, his voice soft but without the command. A lone hand reached out, its fingers gently prying Zoro's fingers off his thigh to hold his hand.
“You almost died,” Zoro managed to get out, the words tasting like poison on his tongue. “You-you almost died and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Nothing I could do to help you. I was useless.”
“You're not useless.”
“I was back there.”
Eyes hardening, Luffy's grip tightened on Zoro's hand. “You are not useless, Zoro.” His voice was sharper as he spoke, eyes boring into Zoro's. “You did what you could.”
“It wasn't enough.”
A soft sigh left Luffy, teeth chewing on his bottom lip. “You showed up. I think that was enough.”
Zoro scoffed at that, his free hand coming up to run roughly through his hair. “How is that enough? I was still across the plaza from you. If it hadn't been for that lightning strike you would have died, Luffy. Do you realize that? The only reason you're alive right now is because of dumb luck.”
“I live on dumb luck,” Luffy joked, his lips stretching into a grin. When Zoro didn't respond or smile back, the smile shrank. “Zoro.”
“You almost died. I.... Do you know that? You almost died.”
“I know.”
“Then why aren't you concerned!” The words came out louder than Zoro meant for them to, much louder than should be as late at night as it was. He instantly let out a sharp sigh, the hand in his hair tugging at several strands harshly in frustration. Even now, his captain was acting like nothing happened. How could he continue to be so carefree knowing his brush with death was nearly permanent?
Luffy's lips turned downwards, his brow creasing. “I guess....if I died then it was meant to happen. There isn't a point in worrying about something that could have happened when it didn't.”
Zoro wanted to argue. He wanted to point out that that didn't count and that he should be more concerned about himself and what almost happened. But he couldn't. Because he did the same thing. What was the point in worrying about what-if's and could-have-been's when they weren't reality?
“And besides,” Luffy continued, mirth sparkling in his eyes, “I can't die before I become the Pirate King!”
A snort and a laugh left Zoro at the same time, his eyes rolling at him. “You can't live on just determination, Luffy.”
“It's gotten me this far!”
He's not wrong. Not that Zoro was going to admit that. Instead, he wrapped his free hand around the back of his neck and pulled him closer until their foreheads bumped together lightly. “Just....please be more careful, captain. I couldn’t stand to lose you.”
Luffy's expression grew serious again, a small nod of his head assuring Zoro he would. “You won't lose me, Zoro,” he promised, pushing in a bit more to press a light kiss to his lips. “I told you, someday we'll be at the top of the world as the greatest! We can't die before that happens.”
Letting out a wry smile, Zoro dug his fingers gently into Luffy's side, eliciting a shriek of laughter from him. “You didn't promise me you'd be more careful.”
Huffing out another laugh before a hand tangled around Zoro's and pulled it away from his side, Luffy said, “That's because I promised not to lie to you.”
At least he's honest, Zoro thought with a sigh, straightening back up. It's not like he was surprised. His captain had always been a bit reckless since the moment he met him. It made sense that he wasn't going to tone that down. And honestly, Zoro didn't really want him to. He just....he felt like the words needed to be said.
Pouting at the loss of touch, Luffy crawled forward, situating himself in Zoro's lap. “Cuddle time. Captain's orders.”
Never one to deny his captain, Zoro wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling him close against his own body. Luffy instantly snuggled against him, rubbery arms wrapping around him several times in loose loops while his face pressed into his chest, right over his heart. A satisfied sigh left Luffy as he rubbed his face against Zoro's shirt like a cat, fingers trailing absentmindedly over whatever part of him was closest.
“Hey, Zoro?”
“Hmm?”
Luffy sat up suddenly, nearly knocking his head into Zoro's chin as he did so. His black eyes bored into his as a small smile rose to his lips. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” Zoro murmured, his own lips curling into a smile. It still felt unreal, at times, that Luffy loved him the same way he did. That Luffy wanted to cuddle and kiss him. It wasn't something he would trade for anything, nor was it something he would give up without a very good reason. Because despite the many heart attacks the boy caused and the peril that came with knowing him, Zoro loved him too deeply to let go. He was etched into his heart and Zoro was never going to let his image there fade, even if he had to fight the entire world on his behalf. All his captain had to do was order it and Zoro would do it, no questions asked.
And while it terrified him sometimes—or a lot of times—just how much he loved Luffy, it wasn't something he would ever wish away. He would take all the pain and all the fear just to spend an eternity at his side. Zoro had long ago forgotten fear, but it had reared its head again in the form of a straw hat wearing boy with stretchy limbs and a grin that was more brilliant than the sun.