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Beginners Diner was a significant and important place for Jake.
He and Rooster frequently went there to have breakfast together, ofter after a run alongside each other, sometimes to have a coffee after a complicated day at Top Gun, or to quickly eat a hamburger before going to Penny and filling their bellies with ice-cold beers between pool games.
Beginners Diner’s large interior windows looked out onto the calm ocean, bathing every single object – tables, booths, plates full of delicious food and glasses filled with thirst-quenching drinks – in a delicate, clear sunlight.
That place was associated for Jake with comfort and warmth, but he would never admit that it was due to Bradley's presence there.
Sometimes they were joined by Javy and his girlfriend Jasmine, sometimes by Phoenix and Bob, and even by Fanboy and Payback – when none of these established couples were lost in each other's eyes and that made Jake want to throw up.
Being so corny or cheesy wasn't really Hangman's thing, he knew that.
Jake wasn't cut out for feelings, for the vulnerability they brought into his life and for the loss of control that came with them.
He was the best around, so he knew how to be cold and detached from everything and everyone by definition.
If this facade of his didn't fully translate into the sensations he felt every time he sat down at his usual table with Bradshaw in front of him, with his stupid mustache, his stupid Hawaiian shirts, and his stupid habit of wearing sunglasses indoors, that was his own business.
Jake felt on edge with Rooster every single fucking time they were alone.
It was hard to explain: it was as if his chest was closed in a terrible grip that didn't let him breathe.
But he still felt comfortable around Bradley Bradshaw, hey, mind you.
The Mission forced them to face a new situation between them, as if that desperate rescue by Jake had suddenly removed, like a magic eraser, everything bad and dramatic happened between them up until that moment.
Their personal relationship was finally decent, after over ten years of knowing each other since flight school.
Jake genuinely enjoyed Bradshaw's company, and it was nice to be able to have a human conversation with him and spend time together in an easygoing way, without feeling a constant itch under his skin that made him want to provoke him, to want his attention at any cost, even hurting him.
Everything was soft now, more real and autenthic.
Jake didn't understand why this made him so secretly happy, so much so that sometimes he looked at Rooster and felt the breath fly out of his chest, but he knew himself and knew from time immemorial that he could allow himself to be aware of everything in his life except his own heart.
That stupid muscle had never been of any use to him, and full self-awareness wasn't of much use to him, either up in the air flying or on the ground.
And the crooked smile that naturally appeared on Jake's face when he saw that, that Saturday morning, Bradshaw was already waiting for him at their usual booth, waiting to have breakfast together before going to Phoenix's house - she needed a hand assembling two new IKEA bookcases, and had asked for help from the two of them and from Bob, of course –, it was only a conditioned reflex due to the fact that soon he would be filling his stomach with delicious fresh pancakes dipped in maple syrup, and nothing else.
One of Jake's favorite activities, however, was constantly pestering Rooster with jokes about roosters.
He just couldn’t help it, and that was one of the few constants that had not dissolved with their new working partnership and... friendship?
He still didn't know what was the most suitable label to define his relationship with Bradley Bradshaw; every single label seemed too little, or too big for what they had finally managed to establish between them.
And every time, that strange feeling came back into his chest.
He couldn’t get rid of it, no matter how many beers he drank or how many pool games he played, or how absolutely and totally perfect he was in the air.
All he had to do was stay next to Rooster for more than two minutes, look him in the eyes, and that specific, painful grip always, always, always returned, like clockwork.
That Saturday, after finishing their breakfast, Jake got up from his seat – in front of Bradshaw – to stand next to him in their booth and show him some silly video on TikTok.
His algorithm had been completely fucked up for months because he was always compulsively looking for videos about roosters to send him through chat, but he didn't complain too much about it.
In the end, he only used that particular social network to laugh with him about his little brothers, as Jake called all the other roosters on the face of the Earth.
The first video that came through his For You section was about three roosters in a chicken coop bobbing their heads to the Macarena, and Jake laughed out loud when he heard the happy, heartfelt sound coming out of Bradshaw's mouth – their sense of humor was, objectively speaking, so stupid, but they had to compensate for the fact that they were elite fighter pilots willing to risk their lives every time they were in the sky.
It was so nice to laugh together and be so relaxed with each other for Jake, to finally be on the same side and not on opposite sides ready to go to war... even if he would never admit it, not even under threat of death.
Jake didn't try to analyze anything about their new relationship: he simply moved forward, trying not to go too far and push Rooster to do his best in a healthier way, without raising his father's death topic or his flying style, so different from his own.
The Mission had widely shown what Jake had always known about Bradley Bradshaw: he was an exceptional and very fast pilot, who just needed to trust himself and his instincts more.
After the fifth silly video about roosters in a row – and geese too, but those were actually cute, sweet TikToks that relaxed both of them –, Jake noticed Rooster's eyes frowning angrily as he stared at the Beginners Diner entrance.
That was very odd... it was unlikely that anything could ruin Bradshaw's mood, especially after a good breakfast with scrambled eggs and bacon.
Jake couldn't even open his mouth to ask him what was happening, because he simply heard Rooster's low voice whisper a laconic phrase to him.
“I deeply apologize for what I'm about to do, man... you can punch me later, just in case.”
And then Jake felt a pair of lips – Bradley Bradshaw's lips – press against him, fitting so perfectly that his moustache scratched his skin and made Jake close his eyelids involuntarily.
The feeling made of tension that Jake had always had in his chest in Bradley's company - it was useless to call him in an another way in his head, given what they were doing - finally loosened by magic, like a soft silk ribbon that slipped away between his fingers, making room to an immense heat that made its way into every single fiber of his body.
Oh.
That was the only thought that crossed Jake's brain while Bradley’s mouth continued to explore everything he had at hand with his tongue.
And while oxygen was becoming increasingly scarce in Jake Seresin's lungs, a series of concepts formed in his mind, a mind that was very shocked by what was happening.
Something that he never thought could happen.
Now I see why I wanted to spend so much time with him.
Now I see why I felt so tense alone with him.
Now I see why I saved him by flying desperately to reach him.
Now see why I always tried to get his attention in every way.
Now I finally fucking see everything in front of me.
And when Jake's lips were freed from Bradley's wet kisses - holy shit, he was a really good kisser, he had to admit -, he was so, so astonished that he couldn't even find the right words to express what he had just realized.
Something that had completely turned the last ten years of his life upside down in relation to the infuriating and wonderful man who had just taken the breath away from his chest.
Jake didn't have the time to articulate his thoughts, because Bradley stopped him with a finger on his lips.
“Forgive me, man, but my ex just walked through that door. I hadn't seen him in over a year and a half, and I didn't want him to get close to me... usually seeing others make out prevents someone to disturb them. Don't think, just do, isn’t it?” was all Bradley said to him, the tone of his baritone voice as thin as Jake had ever heard it before.
And Jake felt like the weight of an entire aircraft carrier had fallen on his head hearing those words.
Bradley hadn't kissed him because he wanted it, because he craved it, or because he had realized certain things before him, things Jake had hoped could be reciprocated for just one brief moment in time... he had done it just to prevent a stupid ex of his from approaching him again at Beginners Diner in public.
Fuck, Jake just wanted to cry.
The axis of his entire world had completely shifted on itself, forcing him to become aware of his true feelings, and Bradley Bradshaw was there, next to him, talking about his fucking ex.
“I absolutely don't want to find another place to come for breakfast or coffee, I like it here very much,” Bradley continued, his brown eyes shining like two small suns that were now blinding and hurting Jake. “How about you become my fake boyfriend in here? I kiss you so that asshole won't ever speak to me again if I ever meet him again, and you get free breakfasts in return every time that happens.”
Jake's heart dropped to his shoes, but he still had the taste of Bradley on his lips, mixed with the bacon’s salty grease he'd eaten and the sweet apple juice he'd drank.
And he just couldn't say no to him.
He didn't even find the strength to deny him anything in his heart at that moment.
“Okay, Rooster. Deal,” he told him pathetically, before standing up and walking back to face him in their booth, trying to hide the turmoil that was shaking his heartbeat.
Jake didn't know whether to be more disappointed, angry, or relieved for an endless series of conflicting reasons, but he only knew that he had been fucked in a hundred different ways after finally realizing that Bradley Bradshaw was the person he had probably been in love with forever.
His usual luck... fuck self-awareness and fuck his own feelings.
Over the next few weeks, Jake and Bradley continued to go to Beginners Diner for their usual shared occasions as usual, and they always kissed, even several times in one go, during their breakfast meetings or before going to the Hard Deck.
They weren't real make-outs, for heaven's sake - they were two soldiers on active duty in a public place full of families.
Theirs were often casual, almost natural kisses between a pancake and a cup of coffee, as if they were a real couple just sharing a meal together, but sometimes those kisses became something more passionate suddenly, when their tongues flickered and intertwined for several interminable seconds.
Bradley's ex - Jake didn't know any details about him, not even his name, and that hurt him intimately much more than he thought - was often there, at Beginners Diner, basically every time they went there, and this obviously pushed Jake to keep his promise to Bradley: pretend they were together, so this idiot wouldn't get close to him in any way.
And, beyond a couple of glances from afar, that tall, blond man had never even dared to breathe the same air as Bradley with Jake by his side, intent on shielding and protecting him.
For Jake, the biggest problem had become to be able to separate everything that was going on between them every time they entered Beginners Diner – fortunately alone, because if any of their other friends and colleagues had come with them, the situation would have become unmanageable and impossible to explain – from the rest of their lives outside of it.
Compartmentalization had always been one of the strengths of Jake's character: his own ability to allow his various emotional and mental conditions to coexist was what had ensured his perpetual composure in the air.
But it was becoming increasingly difficult to fully maintain self-control when, as soon as he set foot in there, everything he wanted was falsely within his reach, and outside of Beginners Diner Jake had to pretend that Bradley was just a friend he had purely platonic feelings for and he was just doing a foolish favor towards him with no consequences for himself or their relationship at all.
It was so fucking hard not to always be close to him, take him by the hand and kiss him on the mouth every time they were at Top Gun teaching together, or in the rec room having some relax, or at the Hard Deck drinking beer with a pool cue in hand.
It was impossible not to crave Bradley’s attentions, laughter, kisses in a more intimate and truer way for Jake... every single thing between them had become a sublime torture that tormented him daily, as if a crown of thorns had been placed on his head, and with every movement blood dripped from a thousand wounds.
By now Jake knew the taste of Bradley's lips, the texture of his stupid mustache on his skin, how soft his hands were on him or how inviting his hips were wrapped in those fucking Hawaiian shirts.
Jake wanted, wanted, wanted.
And it had now become an exercise in denial to be able to keep everything confined to those moments carved out inside Beginners Diner, knowing that they would never be anything else outside of that place.
It was horrible to see how Bradley's eyes sometimes turned with determination towards Beginners Diner entrance, as if he was explicitly waiting for his ex to come in.
Was it because Bradley wanted to see him kiss Jake, keeping him at a distance to get revenge for whatever had happened between the two of them, or because maybe it was Bradley’s excuse to let his lips mark Jake’s mouth, as it was for Jake himself?
Jake himself didn't know what to do: wanting that asshole to come in – thus allowing him to have everything Bradley gave him in their kisses – or hoping he didn't come, preventing him from having an excuse to kiss him and making him crumble with disappointment.
Everything got confused in Jake, making him pine in a golden cage with thick bars that he had built himself with his own hands.
It was simply horrible to have accidentally managed to get what he wanted the most in the whole world, the second after realizing how much he loved Bradley, and then agreeing to an act that now represented the pure truth for him.
Then, at a certain point, shortly after their first kiss, daydreams and wild fantasies had also begun for Jake.
At night, his mind let itself go freely towards his desires for Bradley.
It wasn't exclusively R-rated content - he could have written a book about that titled "A Thousand and One Ways I Imagine Having Sex on Every Possible Surface in My House with an Oblivious Idiot" - but it mostly involved nonsense and little gestures that Jake would have liked to share with him normally, as if they were a real couple, and those things filled his head before falling asleep.
Holding hands when entering the Hard Deck, going to dinner with Ice and Mav bringing a dessert baked together - or rather, baked by Jake, because Bradley and edible cuisine were two parallel lines that would never have crossed -, going out with Javy and Jasmine to the cinema, going to padel with Bob and Phoenix (those two were deadly together as a team in sports), watching a sci-fi movie with Fanboy and Payback on his couch at home... those were the things Jake craved with Bradley, which his kisses unleashed inside him, but he knew they would never have a follow-up.
Jake was only good as a fake boyfriend for those fifty minutes they periodically spent together at Beginners Diner.
Bradley wanted nothing more from him than to be the guard dog who kept his stupid ex from talking to him, and then to be his usual friend and colleague the rest of the time.
Jake tried to keep all of this mess separated into the various areas of his life, but it was just so, so difficult... more and more difficult as time went by.
Sometimes he sincerely wondered why the fuck he had agreed to all of this, what in God's name had pushed him to say yes to Bradley that goddamned Saturday.
Then Jake remembered Bradley’s soft, full lips, the sweet way his warm, brown gaze rested on him, and how those stolen kisses were the only thing that made him feel as alive as when he was flying.
Bradley could launch him into the stars with a single touch, keeping him firmly grounded in a diner in San Diego.
And he didn't even realize it, too busy as he was not to notice anything else.
Jake had never felt so in love and so alone in his entire life.
"Is everything all right? Can I take your dishes away?” a young waitress asked Jake, while he was all alone in silence on his cell phone, mindlessly scrolling posts on his Instagram.
Bradley was at that moment in the bathroom before going to pay the bill and leave together – that Sunday morning the whole Daggers squad was supposed to meet on the beach for a dogfight football game, they hadn't had one for a while.
Ice and Mav would join too, and there was great anticipation for their presence.
"Sure thing!" Jake warmly answered her, his Texan accent was even stronger than usual and a polite smile curled the corners of his mouth.
Ma' Seresin had raised a polite and respectful boy, especially with working people.
The waitress – whose name was Jennifer, Jake glimpsed it written on the badge on her waitress uniform – quickly collected plates, cutlery and glasses they had used that morning on her large tray, and then straightened her back before looking at Jake and talk to him.
"May I tell you something?" she asked him, her voice ringing and her blue eyes looking up at him smiling.
“There is something wrong?” Jake replied hesitantly.
What was happening?
Jennifer's brown head shook in denial. “No, no... I just wanted to say that you and your boyfriend are a very nice and loving couple... it's very sweet,” was all Jennifer said, unaware that she had just metaphorically sent a very heavy brick wall crashing down on Jake.
Did even people Jake didn’t know realize how desperately in love he was with Bradley?
How much was every single kiss exchanged between them a promise of loyalty and love that his body and his heart had made to him?
How much was this whole fucking situation a disaster waiting to happen that would only end with Jake having his palms sliced open by pieces of his shattered heart?
Jake's voice managed to whisper a surprised, soft “Thank you so much” before Jennifer strutted away, perfectly happy to have told a complete stranger how handsome and in love he and his boyfriend were.
Except it wasn't like that, it would never be like that between them, and when Bradley's asshole ex would call it quits and eventually stop going to Beginners Diner, Jake would lose everything.
He would no longer even have Bradley's lips to kiss, but only the memories of what they had shared and they had given two completely different meanings to.
One of the upsides of being Bradley Bradshaw's fake boyfriend within the sacred confines of Beginners Diner was the fact that Jake could finally clean him up whenever he got dirty, spilled something on himself, or he had crumbs from whatever he was eating in that moment settled on his face or his moustache.
He did it with a small and sweet kiss, or with a slow caress that expressed all the desire he had that this whole messed up situation between them could be real, but at least Jake could let this impulse act, and it was fucking liberating.
Now he understood why Bradley never wore his naval aviator uniform when they were out, but he rather was always in his civilian clothes... that beige color would get stained in record time due to his constant distraction.
And the worst part was that Jake found all of this extremely endearing, and not as revolting as it really should have been.
A man almost in his forties who couldn't even eat a hamburger without getting ketchup on himself was a clear hopeless case, but Jake was madly in love with Bradley the same.
That Thursday night, Beginners Diner was already shrouded in darkness, the sea and the sky were a single blur of dark blue outside the windows, and Taylor Swift's new single from her latest album was playing in the background.
Bradley had eaten a Caesar salad on the fly, and the croutons had left a trail of small crumbs trapped in his mustache, which made him even more ridiculous and, obviously, more handsome.
Jake no longer even thought about it every time: he did nothing but lean out of his seat, in front of Bradley, and remove all that mess with his thumb, with a tenderness that he would never have imagined in his life to dedicate to another human being – least of all to Bradley Bradshaw.
Life sometimes really knew how to lead you down unimaginable, absurd paths, and that was the perfect demonstration of it.
Then, suddenly, Jake's wrist, still in mid-air, was grabbed by Bradley, who pushed him to sit next to him on the booth they were occupying.
That was the coded signal between them: it meant that they had to keep an eye on the Beginners Diner entrance threshold and be ready to kiss in case Bradley's ex entered.
Every single time it happened, Jake's heart would soar into the sky and break in flight, in a constant loop of happiness and torment that he couldn't get over.
But he just wanted to feel Bradley close, as close as possible, in any way possible, and at any cost - even his own heart.
The reassuring silence that had formed in their little bubble was eventually broken by Bradley, who cleared his throat and looked at Jake straight in the eyes, chocolate mixing with jade in a very tight knot.
“You know, you've been helping me with this for almost two months while getting free breakfasts and coffee... but I don't think I've ever told you what actually happened between me and my ex,” Bradley began before tormenting his lower lip with small bites.
Jake wanted to caress his face, reassure him, stop that movement with his fingers, but it was just not something he was allowed to do.
There were boundaries between the two of them, and he wasn't about to cross them and push their strange physical intimacy in a direction that, he knew very well, wasn't what Bradley wanted.
He was a too much believable and very good fake boyfriend every time they entered that specific place... nothing more, nothing less.
Jake's head motioned to make him continue, so Bradley resumed doing so, his fingers mauling the paper napkin beside his Caesar salad empty plate.
“Michael was the first boyfriend I ever had... over two years ago. We met through an app, slept together right away, and then started dating steadily shortly after,” Bradley said, every single word stinging like a pin stuck under Jake's skin. “It wasn't easy given my job, but I was still stationed here in San Diego, and I thought things were fine between us. I trusted him, and you know that for me trust is even more important than saying I love you."
Jake knew it very well: he had heard him say it many times in reference to Natasha and Bob, or Fanboy and Payback. How incredibly lucky their friends had been to have found by their side a person they knew they could truly trust, and then they found love in that solid trust... loving someone wasn't a big deal without trust as an essential basis.
Jake knew in that moment that Bradley was really trusting him, telling him something that probably not even Phoenix knew, and he had earned that trust step by step after saving him in the skies with Maverick.
Having disobeyed direct superior orders that day was the best decision he could have ever made, Jake was increasingly certain of it.
“Then the Navy sent me on a mission to Japan for five months, and I thought our relationship could withstand the distance, since it was a serious relationship. Michael swore to me that everything was fine, that he would wait for me, and that five months would fly by without us even knowing,” Bradley continued, his voice reduced to a whisper and his gaze focused on the paper napkin reduced to shreds on the wooden diner table.
Jake was there, motionless next to him, holding his breath and already imagining in his own mind thirty different ways to make that asshole dearly pay for it the next time he dared to set foot in the same place as Bradley.
“After the first month, I noticed him distancing himself, but I thought it was due to the time difference and the stress of my mission... you know how missions abroad are. And then, after a few weeks, he totally stopped contacting me and blocked me everywhere,” were the bitter words uttered by Bradley, full of pain so raw that Jake felt it on his skin.
He had to ball his hands into fists to keep them from shaking or becoming dangerous weapons if that fucking Michael came through the door at that moment.
“I was shocked by this, to say the least. A few days later I managed to text a mutual friend of ours, who told me that he had seen Michael with another guy around San Diego. He cheated on me because he got bored of waiting for me for another four months and got together with this random guy without even having the decency to break up with me."
Jake took a series of very, very deep breaths before opening his mouth and speaking.
Bradley was the person he cared about most in the entire universe and hearing first-hand how poorly he had been treated by a person who should have loved, respected, and adored him was truly terrible.
Anger coursed through his veins like poison, and right now he would have paid big money to be able to vent his feelings against the face of that jackass who had made Bradley suffer undeservedly.
“I'm sorry, man. I don't even know what to say... I just want to call Phoenix to organize a punitive expedition and avenge your honor,” he said jokingly, trying to lighten the atmosphere between them.
Bradley laughed, but with a small, sharp laugh that sounded foreign to Jake's ears.
That sound wasn't like as usual at all: Bradley’s laughter was always warm and thick like molasses... it was one of the most beautiful things that existed in the entire universe for him.
“Then, while I was in Japan, I asked for and achieved a transfer to Oceana to escape him, only to find myself here in San Diego for the Mission some time later... thank goodness I never met him before, but two months ago, when I saw him again, well, it was really hard for me.”
“You don't have to worry or justify yourself about anything... your strategy to reject him has fully worked and will remain so until he understands that he shouldn't come in here anymore. Honestly, I think he needs to stay at least two blocks away from you,” Jake stated, his arms crossed over his chest in an unconsciously threatening move.
Then he licked his lips and indulged in the only truth he could ever tell Bradley at that moment.
“For me it’s insane to betray the trust of the person you claim to love like this. You deserve a man capable of absolute loyalty and faithfulness, who treats you like a fucking jewel and fully understands how damn lucky he is to have you around,” Jake muttered, balanced between confidence and embarrassment.
He was heading for a slippery slope with his words, and needed to get back into his established ranks of friend/colleague/fake boyfriend as quickly as possible.
Retreat, retreat, retreat.
The wide, bright and sincere smile that spread across Bradley's features, however, made that statement worth it.
“I was sure you'd be a great fake boyfriend for me to protect me from him... thanks, Jake,” was all he said to him before touching Jake's hand, still balled into a fist into his arms, and giving him a quick, light caress, like a feather, on his face.
And inside Jake rose, stronger than ever before, the desperate desire to start screaming and banging his head on their table until he fainted.
Michael's presence inside Beginning Diners became increasingly sparse as the following weeks went by.
He only came in once or twice a week, no longer daring to even glance at Bradley and Jake, and slipped towards into the diner very far from them, without saying a word.
And if this was a good thing for Jake - because that asshole wasn't even worthy of being under the sole of Bradley's shoes -, this also meant that the end of the agreement he had established with Bradley months earlier was now ever closer, since the son of a bitch had finally gotten the message.
He would very soon stop being his fake boyfriend to keep him away, and therefore be able to receive his kisses and caresses... and Jake didn't want the only contacts that would ever exist between him and Bradley to be caused only by a stupid agreement created to keep such a person away.
He wanted something true amidst the fake act that he had so easily managed to create for Bradley's sake.
A small, great real thing to hold on to when this whole absurd situation would have vanished in the folds of their daily life and their friendship.
So, one Sunday morning, after both eating waffles with honey and strawberries, Jake just got up from his seat in front of Bradley, and stood next to him on their booth, their arms attached like two magnets.
Jake pretended to look intently at Beginning Diners’s doors and then, without saying a single word, grabbed Bradley's face and, for the first time, allowed himself to initiate a deep kiss between them.
It wasn't a kiss like the ones you watch at the end of a romcom, with fireworks in the background and the world around turning into a crazy pinwheel... it was a contact Jake tried to pour into all the tenderness and all the love he felt for that oblivious idiot he shared the skies, his work, his free time, his fucking life with.
Jake could never tell Bradley in words how much he loved him, how much he would be willing to worship him every day, how much he could pour absolute trust and respect into him without the slightest fear, how deeply undying his loyalty to him was, how fucking happy he was every single day about saving his life, and a million other things that would remain trapped in his heart forever without ever having the chance to be spoken.
Jake just let that long, sweet kiss speak for him, and try to communicate every single feeling he felt.
Then, he pulled away from Bradley to imprint his stunned expression on his mind forever.
He could still taste on his lips honey mixed with the strawberries, and he noticed that Bradley still had his eyes closed, as if he was in a dream, and his mustache curled up.
“Sorry, I thought I saw your ex,” Jake coughed, with the most painful excuse he could come up with at that moment.
That was the most genuine kiss he had ever given to anyone in his entire life and, as much as it hurt to think that it would be one of the last kisses exchanged with Bradley, for Jake that was the most beautiful kiss ever shared between them to keep in his heart.
Jake was always on time.
Always, damn it.
For once, however, that Saturday morning he hadn't heard his own alarm clock, so he had rushed to Beginners Diner for his usual breakfast date with Bradley - he was craving hush brown potatoes - thirty-five minutes late.
And it wasn't just the delay he had accumulated that irritated him.
Jake didn’t like the idea of leaving Bradley there waiting for him, considering that that asshole ex of his could maybe take advantage of his absence to get closer to him and God only knew fill his head with bullshit.
Bradley had the right to get definitive closure with his ex, Jake understood and respected the concept on a theoretical level, but he was afraid that Bradley's proverbial goodness and generosity could push him to give a second chance to a son of bitch like that, capable of dumping him out of the blue in the middle of a mission abroad without a shred of explanation.
Maybe Jake was being unreasonable due to jealousy and the pain of the loss that he would surely have to face within a few days - Bradley had already mentioned to him that his free breakfasts and dinners would unfortunately end, because his services would no longer be necessary -, but, objectively speaking, things remained the same anyway.
And damn, Jake's instincts were never wrong.
Because, as soon as he set a foot into Beginners Diner, he saw someone sitting at his usual table with Bradley – even next to him, while he was gesticulating and talking God knows about what.
It was Michael, and his first instinct was to walk over and get him off Bradley.
But what Jake actually did was just staying there, in the doorway, staring at Bradley again in his ex's orbit again, as if solid roots had sprouted from his feet that kept him tied to the floor and prevented him from to move.
Jake couldn't even understand how long he remained there, motionless like a marble statue, his stomach becoming heavy as lead and time now transformed into a relative concept in his mind.
Then, suddenly, he saw Bradley look away from Michael's face and notice him.
That’s when Jake felt as if his legs had suddenly come back to life.
He looked at Bradley, who in the meantime had gotten up from his table and was calling out to him over other customers' chatter and the music in the background - it was a song by John Denver, one of his favorite singers -, and walked away without even opening his mouth.
Bradley didn't have to justify anything to him; he could even get back with the man who had broken his heart, because Jake was nothing to him except a friend who had done him the small favor of kissing him constantly for almost three months every single time they were in their favorite diner.
But damn if Jake would have preferred a different ending to all of this.
He had wanted a new start with Bradley, one where he could concretely show him that he was capable of giving him everything he was looking for in a man, but that had never been in play as a possibility.
Now it was just all over, and Jake didn't know what to do with his love for him, his disappointment, and his own stupidity.
That Saturday night Jake would have just wanted to stay at home, on his couch, watching any Star Wars movie again to try to put the pieces of his battered heart back together in time for Monday, but he already knew that it would be impossible.
Phoenix had invited everyone to her house for a board games night – Bob was a true nerd who was super passionate about these things (he had a huge collection; he had shown him some pictures once and wow, there were thousands of dollars in those boxes) and every now and then the Dagger Squad would meet there to spend time playing Monopoly, Cluedo, Trivial Pursuit, Cards Aganist Humanity, Codenames, or Pictionary, simple and not particularly elaborate games that allowed them to vent their competitiveness in a healthy way – and Jake had a strong suspicion that if he didn't show up, Natasha would kick his ass on Monday because Bob was so keen on their board game night and if anyone dared make her boyfriend sad, well... they were fucked.
So Jake steeled himself and went to Phoenix's house anyway, a three-room apartment in a building just outside the base, with only one goal: drink ice-cold beer and absolutely avoid even the slightest contact with Bradley.
He really didn't want to hear him talk about how he got back together with his shitty ex, or even worse, receive heartfelt thanks for helping him with the whole fake boyfriend thing in Beginners Diner... Jake just couldn't stand it.
And, thank goodness, he managed to achieve his goal throughout the whole thing, because he was Lieutenant Seresin, for fuck’s sake, and he achieved anything he wanted.
Except the only one thing he really wanted, but that was another story belonging to the past.
There was no point in Jake complaining about how things had gone with Bradley: he never had a chance with him before this whole thing started, and he wasn't going to have a chance after he realized he was in love with him and stopped, inevitably, to kiss him and behave as if he were his real boyfriend.
By now it was really late, the game board night had ended with a long Cluedo game, and everyone had already left Natasha's house.
Jake, as usual, was there to tidy up everything because his obsessive precision prevented him from seeing an immense mess around him made up of used glasses, dirty plates, leftover food, half-full beers... chaos was something that could control, unlike his disgusting and pitiful love life, so he willingly lent himself to the matter and started throwing everything he could get rid of in the garbage bin and bringing back to the kitchen what needed to be put in the fridge.
He was doing this because he was the only one still standing: Bob had long ago fallen asleep on top of Natasha, all curled up on her couch; Natasha was half asleep too, clinging to him as if Bob were her only source of joy in the whole world, and she was slowly stroking his blond hair with a poignant tenderness that almost broke Jake's heart.
Why don't I have something like that with the man I want? What do I have to do to find a person who loves me like this? were the sad and bitter thoughts that arose in him at that very cute sight.
Bradley was at the end of the same couch, his arms crossed and his head lolling low, his mouth half open and his rather loud snoring coming out.
Jake had said no more than five words to him throughout the entire night and he knew very well that his silence had hurt him - he had perfectly seen it in his devastated brown eyes -, but this was not the right time to face everything that had happened between them a few hours ago.
And Jake would make sure they would never talk about it; he really didn't want to further elaborate on his crushing love disappointment.
At a certain point, Natasha's slurred voice rose in the total silence of her house – in the background you could only hear the hum of her refrigerator -, since Jake had just put everything back in place.
“Hangman, please take Brad to my bed and let him sleep there. If you want, sleep there too... it's too late,” was her request, and those words froze Jake's blood in his veins.
“Huh?” was Jake's confused reply.
Really smart, Seresin. Go on like this.
“I will never wake Bob up to take him to my bed, he takes a long time to fall back to sleep and honestly I'm comfortable like that. But now I need to stretch my legs and that fucking human mountain known as Bradshaw is preventing me to do it... take him away from me, Jake, and just go to sleep.”
Jake tried to open his mouth and oppose to her plan, but he didn't have time.
“If I hear a single complaint, I swear I'll make you pay. Give me the blanket that's on that chair over there, wake up Rooster and get out of my sight,” Natasha said in a low voice so as not to wake Bob lying on top of her, but her tone was absolutely determined and scary.
So Jake simply obeyed her: he placed the blanket he had requested on her, making sure that he covered her and Bob well, and then headed towards Bradley to try to wake him up.
“You two need to talk... I noticed something happened. I don't know what, but you have to fix it. And don't you dare do shit in my bed... I remind you that I have sex with Bob there!” was Natasha's giggling conclusion in a very low voice before she closed her mouth again and she relaxed again with her boyfriend in her arms.
Jake was so shocked by everything she'd implied that he couldn't even come up with a suitable sharp response – but Phoenix would pay for it... oh, she'd pay for it dearly.
Next time he would absolutely and totally wreck her playing Pictionary with Javy.
So Jake then approached Bradley and gently shook him awake.
On the fourth attempt, accompanied by a drawled “Wake up, Roo, come on,” Jake managed to make him regain consciousness with a moan and guide him towards the only bedroom in Natasha's house.
“Mhh, do I sleep here?” Bradley asked him, his voice completely dull, but his eyes fortunately wide open.
“Phoenix told me to both sleep in her bed because it's late... she is on the couch with her dear Bob,” Jake replied, carefully avoiding reporting the rest of what she had told him a few minutes earlier.
Bradley didn't say another word: he simply lay down on the left side of his best friend's double bed and left room for Jake to settle in too.
That portion of the mattress covered with hideous yellow flowered sheets – oh, he would certainly have made fun of her later for that! – almost seemed like a bad joke to Jake, but he had no choice now.
So he stood next to Bradley, leaning on his back and staring at the ceiling.
It would take Jake forever to fall asleep in this situation, yet there wasn't much he could do about it.
Then the silence into which he had finally fallen - tense and not at all relaxed, but silence nonetheless - was cut by Bradley's voice, still half slurred by sleep, but certainly alert and present.
“This morning you ran away from Beginners Diner... you didn't even give me time to explain.”
Every single word he said was like a blade intent on cutting Jake's flesh, who was really tired and just wanted Bradley to go back to sleep and not talk anymore about everything that had happened between them in the previous months.
“I don't think there's anything else to explain... congratulations on getting back with your shitty ex, Rooster,” was his low reply, far from the detachment and indifference that Jake would have liked to feel at that moment.
The bed lifted under Jake's body and he clearly sensed Bradley's figure approaching him, his eyes wide in the semi-darkness of Natasha's bedroom.
“Is this your problem, Jake? Do you think I got back with that asshole?” Bradley asked him softly, a barely concealed hint of amazement exuding from every syllable uttered.
“I don't care, Bradshaw. It's your business. I'm just sorry about the free breakfasts I won't get anymore,” Jake added, his heart bleeding more and more as he spoke.
I'm sorry that I kissed you for almost three months and you never considered me as a real option. I'm sorry that what were supposed to be fake boyfriend kisses turned out to be the most real kisses I've ever given to anyone in my life. I'm sorry that you chose an asshole who dumped you out of nowhere over me. I'm sorry that I can't be a better man who can make you love me.
Jake's wrist was yanked forcefully by Bradley, panic clear on his features.
“Listen to me very closely now: I haven't gotten back together with Michael!” Bradley whispered while simultaneously shouting, the grip of his fingers almost hellish on Jake's skin, who tried to avoid him, but without success. “He saw me alone and he came to me. He started telling me that he regretted how he treated me and that he wanted a second chance with me and other shit like that. I didn't even listen carefully to what he wanted from me, I didn't give a damn... because do you know who I was thinking of in those moments?
A heavy sigh left Jake's mouth, his heart pounding as if he were performing a complicated maneuver in the air upside down like Maverick.
“No, I don't know who you were thinking of, and I don't care either. Now, for God's sake, just sleep-"
"I was thinking of you. I couldn't wait for you to show up like always, and stand in front of me at our booth,” Bradley muttered, his fingers sliding along Jake's wrist as if he were soft, luxurious velvet that he would never stop caressing.
“Why? Did you want me to kick him out, let me understand? The fake boyfriend coming to the rescue to defend your honor?” Jake chuckled, but without sparkle.
He was so sad and he just wanted all this heartbreak to stop as soon as possible.
“Holy fucking shit, I don't want my ex back, Jake... I want only you, you stupid fucking idiot! And I told you we were going to stop pretending to be boyfriends inside Beginners Diner because I wanted to finally ask you out on a real date and give you some real kisses! But you always rush to the wrong conclusions, without worrying about the rest,” Bradley confessed, his voice hoarse but perfectly clear in the silence of the night.
Jake's brain froze at those words and went into total crashdown, because there was really no way that Bradley wanted him.
It had never been into his plan for Bradley to crave the same things as him.
Jake had never really stopped to think that their kisses, their intimacy, their bond were not one-way, but that everything had begun to have an effect on Bradley too over those long months.
That perhaps, from their first kiss, everything had changed for both of them.
“Do you really think I needed this elaborate and, let me say, frankly expensive strategy to keep an ex-boyfriend away from me for so long? Or maybe the whole thing had always been an excuse to have something that I had wanted for so long and that I didn't have the courage to achieve because I'm always on the fucking perch you've been telling me about for as long as you've known me? Seresin, you really disappoint me if you think that all this between me and you has always been exclusively fake for me,” was Bradley's heartfelt conclusion, whispered into Jake's face and accompanied by increasingly gentle caresses on his wrist.
“It was never fake to me either,” Jake confessed, his heart pounding in his ears and the realization that everything he wanted was finally within his reach for the first time in his life. “Every single moment spent with you meant something to me. Every single kiss we shared... it meant something to me. ”
There was no verbal response from Bradley to his admission.
Jake felt Bradley's lips adhere to his perfectly, just like that first time at Beginners Diner, a magnificent déjà vu that was rewriting their history together in the right direction this time.
Their kiss was light as a shard of crystal, but sweet and full of meaning.
A new promise, a new beginning between them.
Jake pulled away from Bradley to caress his left cheek, where his scars were – God, he loved them so, so much – and just held onto him, wrapping himself in his warmth and his solid presence.
“We'll talk more about it when we wake up, but know that our breakfast at Beginnings Diner is on me tomorrow. Because you're my boyfriend,” were the last words Jake said to Bradley before closing his eyes and trying to sleep with the lightest heart he'd had in his chest since he'd saved his life some time ago.
“Your real boyfriend?” Bradley asked wryly.
Jake placed a quick kiss on his mouth, intimate and precious.
“My real boyfriend,” he whispered, and then leaned into Bradley's warm, muscular arms.