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Ever since the day Riko died, Suguru found it hard to shower. The sound of the water hitting his head was like the echoing applause from the members of the Star Religious Group as he stood across from Satoru with Riko’s covered lifeless body in his arms.
The memory was sickening.
It was at that moment Suguru realized how truly awful humans could be. He thought he understood, just by being a Jujutsu sorcerer. But now he knew, humans were the same as the curse spirits he absorbed tasted, disgusting.
He tried to push those thoughts aside, the same way he pushed back the ever present nausea of his curse technique. Somehow the latter of the two was easier to do.
It never became easier.
Suguru often tried to push off showering as long as he could. Even if he hated how gross he felt, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. When he would shower it would always be as quick as possible, followed by a sleepless night.
Half of the time he wished he could just shower like a normal person. He hated how much of a chore it had become. He wondered how he went from being one of the strongest to being scared of the sound water made.
It had been days since Suguru last showered. He had spent a lot of that time away from people, ashamed of what they would think of him. His hair was a mess, his body itched, and he knew he couldn’t put it off anymore, but he couldn’t bring himself to even turn the water on.
He had become so weak.
The only thing Suguru could think to do was to call Satoru.
Suguru wasn’t even sure how Satoru could help, he wasn’t even sure if Satoru was home right now. He did hope his friend could at least lessen his anxiety.
Bringing up Satoru’s number on his phone was muscle memory for Suguru. From when they used to do missions together to their casual late night conversations, the two spoke to each other over the phone almost every day. Suguru could recite Satoru’s number as easily as his own.
Suguru held his phone to his ear, listening to it ring. He leaned against the bathroom counter waiting for Satoru to pick up.
“Suguru?” Satoru said, as he answered the phone.
“Hey,” Suguru replied.
“What’s up? You okay?” Satoru asked.
“It's pretty stupid actually,” Suguru again replied.
“If you called it’s probably not stupid.”
Suguru sighed suddenly, feeling his throat tighten as he fought back tears. He would feel even worse if he started crying over this. “I need to shower, I just can’t.”
“Why not?”
Suguru realized he had never told anyone about this, of course, Satoru wouldn’t understand. It made the whole situation feel even more stupid than it already was.
“I told you it was stupid,” Suguru mumbled his reply.
“It’s not. You just need to tell me so I can help you.”
Suguru could tell just by his tone of voice how much Satoru cared and how he was trying his best to reassure him.
“It just,” Suguru paused with a sigh, “reminds me of Riko.”
Suguru hoped he wouldn’t have to explain it anymore then that. He knew couldn’t talk about that day without breaking down, and he didn’t want Satoru to deal with that. Satoru has already helped him enough when it came to mental breakdowns.
“If you can’t shower why not try a bath?” Satoru suggested.
“I can't, only have a shower.”
“I have a bathtub at my place off campus,” Satoru said. “We can just go there.”
Suguru was a bit surprised at Satoru’s problem solving. He never considered doing something other than showering, it was such a simple solution he hated that he never even considered that.
“Sure,” Suguru replied, taking up the offer.
“Cool.” Suguru could hear the smile in Satoru’s voice, “I’ll be at your place soon.”
“Okay, see you soon then.”
“See you soon.”
It was Satoru who ended the call.
Suguru sighed, pushing himself away from the counter. He wondered if there was anything he should bring with him to Satoru’s place. He figured if anything he should have a change of clothes.
As he was going through his dresser there was a knock at his door, followed shortly by it opening. Satoru and Suguru would always just enter each other's room. If they were home, they were always willing to let the other in. It had become an unspoken agreement between the two after Suguru’s break down months ago.
“Hey,” Satoru greeted, his smile as bright as the setting sun behind him.
“Hey,” Suguru replied, “I’m just getting a change of clothes, then I’ll be ready.”
“It’s okay, take your time.”
Once Suguru had his things and was ready to go, Satoru teleported them to his place.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Satoru’s place was as nice as Suguru thought it would be. Satoru coming from one of the three big Jujutsu sorcerer families meant he had money, and money meant a nice house. The place was clean and well put together, a lot larger than what Suguru was used to. He couldn’t help but feel intimidated by it.
“The bathroom is this way,” Satoru explained, pointing down the hall.
Suguru nodded, following Satoru down the hall.
The bathroom was as nice and clean as the rest of Satoru’s place.
“You can leave your clothes over there,” Satoru said, gesturing towards a shelf full of clean towels.
As Suguru placed his clothes down, he heard Satoru turn on the tub's faucet. The sound of the water hitting the tub created a loud continuous sound as opposed to the one made by Suguru’s shower back home.
When Suguru turned to face Satoru, he saw the other teen removing his shirt. His body was laced in scars from when Toji had tried to kill him. They were another reminder of what had happened that day. They were not a reminder of failure, but also not a reminder of victory, but something else entirely; perhaps a memory of what they had before. Either way, a memory of loss.
Suguru of course had his own scars that went across his chest. Even though Toji had never intended to kill him that day, the cuts he left were deep enough that they would never fade away.
Suguru began to take off his own shirt, placing it down by his clean clothes, followed by his binder. He took in a few deep breaths and massaged his chest, something that had become a routine after taking his binder off. Shoko told him he should be doing that to keep things safe. After he had removed his sweatpants and boxers he joined Satoru.
In the bath Suguru sat in front of Satoru. The water was warm and welcoming, it was like a hug. It had been a while since Suguru had a bath. The past few years of his life he only had access to a shower.
He had also never bathed with anyone before, there was an air of awkwardness. Though Suguru and Satoru had seen each other naked before, they had never been naked and close. It was a new level of intimacy between the two.
Even with the tub being larger Suguru still found himself leaning against Satoru, and Satoru had his arms softly around Suguru. It was a moment of peace between them, the first in a long time.
Even in bodies scared both inside and out.
“Suguru,” Satoru said softly, “can I wash your hair?”
Suguru was glad he was facing away from Satoru, because those few words turned his face red. “Yeah,” was all he could say.
Suguru sat as Satoru carefully got his hair wet. Though he couldn’t see what type of shampoo Satoru had, he could smell it. It was sweet, but in a subtle way, it was not overpowering, but a comforting smell.
He closed his eyes as he felt Satoru gentilly run his fingers through his hair. He never thought about Satoru being so tender. The Satoru he knew was brash and arrogant, made only worse after his near death experience. But he always knew under all that was a man who cared, but never learned how to express that care.
“You know, Suguru,” Satoru said, while still working at Suguru’s hair, “I’ve always loved your hair, especially when it’s down.”
“Thank you,” Suguru wasn’t sure what else to say.
“It suits you. Even your weird bangs.”
Suguru couldn’t help but smile as he tried to suppress a laugh, “my bangs aren’t that weird.”
“Weird enough to stand out,” Satoru replied, his voice full of a warm kindness. “I mean it though,” he added, “I love your hair, never cut it okay.”
“I’ll have to cut it someday. Satoru,” Suguru explained.
“Well, let me know before you do. Okay?”
Suguru knew it wasn’t about hair, it was about the past year of their lives. The faded memories of the last moments of relative normality they shared together. The scars they shared. The things only they knew. It was the promises they shared. It was Satoru’s burden of being the strongest and the strongest for them both.
“I will.”
“Thank you.”
The two never kept track of the time, but soon the water grew cold, the comfort it once brought was gone. They got out of the tub and dried off and got dressed.
Suguru’s hair, even while still wet, felt lighter and softer than it had in weeks.
“Wanna stay here for the night?” Satoru asked.
“Sure.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The two often spent the night together; the offer wasn’t strange. Sometimes it was easier to sleep in the company of your best friend. It wasn’t always easy, especially when they both lived in the dorms at Jujutsu high. Twin XL beds were not meant for two bodies.
The bed in Satoru’s room was large, Suguru assumed it was imported from the west due to its size. The sheets were tucked in nicely; the pillows look as if they have never been used before. It was hard for Suguru to connect such tidiness with Satoru.
Satoru was the first to get into bed, sprawling out at first before moving to one side. “Are you coming to bed or not?” Satoru asked, in a teasing tone as he beckoned Suguru over.
Suguru chuckled to himself and rolled his eyes before joining Satoru in bed.
It was one of the softest beds Suguru had ever laid in. It smelt like Satoru.
Suguru felt the bed shift as Satoru moved closer to him, pressing himself against Suguru’s back, spooning him.
For a moment there was silence, it was both comfortable and welcomed. It felt like it brought an actual pause to the day, a moment for the two boys to decompress after everything.
“Suguru,” Satoru said softly.
“Mh.”
“You’re perfect.”
Suguru turned as best he could to face Satoru. “I’m not.”
“Wrong,” Satoru replied, with a smile, “in fact, you are objectively perfect.”
Suguru wiggled out of Satoru’s arms and sat up, getting a better view of Satoru. His eyes weren’t covered, they were bright and blue, on full display. His smile matched them in brightness.
Suguru could never forget those eyes.
Those eyes had changed over a year ago. Suguru knew they could never go back as they were before, the same ways his own eyes couldn’t. But Satoru’s eyes are the six eyes, they were different, they were meant to see things, to see everything. Suguru wondered if everything was ever overwhelming for Satoru. He knew the exhaustion and migraines they brought, so he felt the answer was yes. Yet, Satoru never complained.
“Satoru.”
Satoru pushed himself up and faced Suguru, getting to eye level with him. “I said you're perfect,” Satoru grabbed Suguru’s hand. “That means you’re perfect.”
Suguru knew if anyone was perfect, it would be Satoru, as Satoru Gojo was as close to perfect as any human could be.
They locked eyes with each other, and suddenly, something between them finally clicked.
Suguru leaned in slowly, meeting Satoru and kissing him. Satoru returned the gesture.
Suguru wasn’t sure if he had a word to describe what he was feeling. It was an exhilaration, it was calm, it was planned out and spontaneous. It was one of the best moments of Suguru’s life.
It was his first kiss.
They pulled away from each other, both red faced, still holding hands.
Suguru had known for a while that Satoru had loved him, and that he loved Satoru. He never acted on that. He wasn’t sure why, maybe he felt like he didn’t deserve to be loved by the strongest, that Satoru deserved something he could never be. Maybe, it was the fear of knowing one day one of them will die, and that it would be him who died first. But now that love could never be denied again.
“I love you, Satoru Gojo.”
Suguru loved Satoru.
Satoru didn’t respond right away.
“I love you too,” Satoru responded, in an uncharacteristically quiet tone, “I love you more than anything.”
Satoru loved Suguru.
Suguru pulled Satoru’s hand and pressed it to his cheek, “thank you,” he whispered.
The silence returned between the two. Not because they didn’t have anything to say but because they didn’t have to say anything. They had said all they needed to. And, the silence still remained comfortable.
Suguru wasn’t sure at what moment he fell in love with Satoru, he knew that didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was that he loved Satoru, and Satoru loved him, and they loved each other.
It was so simple and perfect.
They had been through so much in the last two years. The near death of Satoru, the failure of the Star Plasma vessel mission, the death of Riko Amanai, the death of Toji Zen’in, the death of Yu Haibara, the decline of Suguru’s mental health, the day at the village, every mission Saturo had been sent on, and they knew they would go through even more. But they will go through it together because that is the promise they made to each other.
Suguru Geto wanted to love Satoru Gojo forever.
“We should get some sleep,” Satoru said, once again breaking the silence.
Suguru didn’t even realize it had gotten so late.
Suguru nodded.
Again they lay on the bed next to each other, Satoru spooning Suguru. Suguru could feel Satoru’s breath against his neck. It was a comfort.
Satoru pressed his face against Suguru's shoulder.
Suguru wanted to stay like this forever. Him and Satoru, not as jujutsu sorcerers, not as their cursed techniques, not as the strongest. Them together as what they truly are, two teens who were almost young adults, given a responsibility too heavy to bear. He wanted them to stay together as humans who were on earth for no other reason than to be here.
Forever is such a long time. But it still wasn’t long enough for Suguru when it came to Satoru Gojo.
However, forever isn’t granted to humans, and they both know that. So they wordlessly will agree to spend all the time they have with each other.
And that would be as good as forever.