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On a hot summer morning in 2025, Sirius bought a Malibu beach house on a whim. In his 33 years on this planet he did a lot of things on a whim, but buying a house was new.
Sirius lived in a lot of places since he and Remus decided they wouldn't live together anymore. The first house he lived by himself was in London of course, as close to James and Lily's as he could manage. There’s also the house in Santa Monica he bought after the pandemic, in the first few years he barely stayed there, spending more time in Marlene’s or hotels and Airbnbs because of his busy schedule. He also inherited some houses after his mother passed, a lovely flat in Paris he lived in for a few months in 2021, a house in Edinburg he goes to once in a while and the secluded real estate in the French countryside he had run off to so many times before.
He lived in a lot of places in the last few years, but none of them felt like a home. Not like James’ childhood home, with the bedrooms with a view to Effie's garden and the late nights playing board games with the Potters. Not like Charity Lupin’s house, with the old and stained floral wallpaper and the cookie dough smell. Not like Marlene’s house, with the loud dog barks and movie nights with salted caramel popcorn. Not like the Marauders flat at the beginning, with the crazy parties, the late night songwriting sessions, the laughter, the stolen kisses at the kitchen, the certainty he had someone to have his back at all times. Not like James' and Lily’s house, both in London and in LA, with the photographs along the walls and the scattered polaroids that keep the love and the memories alive.
For a long time Sirius thought he was to blame. The house he was born and raised in wasn’t welcoming, he didn't get the chance to learn what it took to make a house a home. The houses he lived in by himself always felt cold and empty no matter the changes in decoration and furniture he made. Sirius thought he would never own a house he could feel at home in, not until Cassie.
Cassandra was only four years old when she lost her home. She was the one who called 911, scared because her mom wouldn't wake up no matter how much she shook her or how loud she screamed. Cassie’s mother overdosed in the middle of the night, heroine, alcohol and fentanyl, the same combination that almost took Sirius’ life on the biggest concert of his career. She was also 27 when it happened, and she wasn’t as lucky as him. When Sirius heard Cassie’s story, he knew their paths hadn't crossed by chance. Cassandra had been in the system for two years, he was told she was a difficult child, that she’d hide and run away when displeased or cry for minutes on end for apparently no reason. They warned she’d spend days without saying a single word and then she’d appear in your bedroom in the middle of the night like a ghost, scream as loud as she could, and wake the whole neighborhood.
Many more experienced families had tried to foster her, the social workers thought he wouldn’t last a week. But a week became a month, and a month became almost a year. Sirius studied more about being a first-time parent than he did in seven years of school, hired the best adoption professional to help him and arranged his Santa Monica house so it looked welcoming and homely for the home study. The first few months were challenging, Sirius thought he was doing it all wrong many times, he found out that no matter how much he tried to be ready, nothing could prepare him for what really having a kid was like.
To be worthy of a child's trust can take a while, with time and patience Sirius was able to understand that Cassie thought she couldn't get too comfortable in a loving home because at any minute it could be taken away from her. She had lived in many places, but just like Sirius, still had to find her home. They both had been given a second chance and he was determined to prove to Cassie and to himself they could build a home as warm and welcoming as the ones they have lived in briefly.
On a windy Monday afternoon the day before Sirius bought a Malibu beach house on a whim, he received a call from his lawyer Edgar Bones, saying they had scheduled the last hearing about Cassandra’s adoption for the next Monday. Sirius decided Cassie deserved to have the best weekend ever with the people they loved the most. How could something go wrong after such a brilliant weekend like the one he planned? On Friday, he sent a message inviting everyone to a weekend at the beach and told Cassie to pack her things first thing in the morning because they were going out for the weekend and he had a surprise for her.
“Is it a dog?” Cassie asked, she was making guesses since they got in the car.
“I already told you, our cats wouldn't adapt to a dog,” Sirius answered.
“Is it… a new guitar?”
“You already have three of those, I don't think you need another.”
“A tiara?” she asked, putting her long brown hair into a loose bun and imagining the tiara on her head.
“No,” Sirius replied with a tight-lipped smile.
"So it must be a car!"
“Maybe in about 8 years,” Sirius laughed.
“Uncle Kreacher, do you know what it is?” She asked.
Kreacher, Sirius’ long time bodyguard and friend, shook his head without taking his eyes off the road. Cassie pouted and looked out of the window still thinking, but sleep caught her before a new idea would come up. Sirius observed Cassie sleeping soundly against the window, thinking about how he could tell her about the final hearing. After a few minutes, slowly so she wouldn't wake up, he placed a travel pillow around her neck and took the toys she was holding from her hands.
“Who met her in the first few weeks would never guess she could speak so much,” Kreacher said.
“I could say the same thing about you,” Sirius retorted.
After a while, Kreacher spoke quietly.
“You're a good father, mister Black.”
Sirius scoffed, put his hands in his hoodie pocket and looked out the window.
It wasn't the first time Sirius heard those words, it surprised him every time and he still didn’t quite believe it. The truth was all Cassandra needed was someone willing to value her difficult emotions and help her deal with them, that's all he ever wanted from a parent too, so he knew at least where to start. Sirius was sure he wasn’t the best father in the world, but he tried his best.
When Kreacher parked the car in front of the house, Cassie woke up with a snap. Sirius helped her out of the car and pointed to the house in a “ta-da!”gesture.
“The surprise is… going to the beach for the weekend?” She asked, trying not to sound disappointed.
“No, this is the surprise,” he showed her the keys to the house, with a replica of the same sparkly star keychain from their Santa Monica house keys.
“You bought me a beach house!” Cassie shouted excitedly.
“I bought us a beach house, to spend the holidays and other special dates,” Sirius corrected her. “I invited the rest of the family to spend the weekend.”
“Why? Is today a special day?” She asked while they walked to the front door.
“Well, let’s consider it a housewarming party,” Sirius said, he didn’t want to tell Cassie about the final hearing just yet.
“Is uncle Moony arriving today?” she asked excitedly.
“I don't think so, he's probably coming tomorrow with everyone else. We still have to get the house ready.”
“Can you ask him to come today? He can help us! Tell him I miss him, I’m sure he’ll be here earlier if you say that” she said, using the puppy eyes on him. Sirius laughed in disbelief.
“I’ll text him,” he promised. “But first, let me show you the house.”
Sirius helped Kreacher let their four cats out of their travel boxes to explore the house, and then walked Cassie around the house, talking about all the changes they could make in the different rooms, planning on how to make it theirs. After the tour, they decided the best way to start was by stocking the kitchen. Cassie was sitting on a stool on the kitchen island texting a grocery list for Kreacher, who went to the market while Sirius was setting the cats’ litter box and dishes.
“Dad, can I ask Kreacher for a box of Reesee’s?”
“We already have one at home and I brought some,” Sirius said. “Did you put the eggs on the list?”
“Yes. What about nachos? Harry loves nachos.”
“Okay, why not…” Sirius answered distractedly, while putting sand into the litter box.
“Can I ask him to buy lavender bath bombs?” she tried.
“Only groceries for now, Cassandra. Are you putting things we really need?” Sirius asked, taking the dishes out of the cat backpacks.
“I am! Dad, can we buy mint chocolate chip ice cream?” Cassie asked.
“No, Moony said he will bring the ice cream,” he answered absently, putting cat food into the dishes.
“Can Moony be my other dad?”
Sirius almost gave an automatic answer before what Cassie said registered. He looked up and she was looking at him sheepishly.
“I beg your pardon?” He stopped what he was doing and sat next to her.
“When you and uncle Moony get married can he be my other dad?” She asked again.
Sirius raised his eyebrows.
“Why do you think uncle Moony and I are going to get married, Cassie?”
“Because you're boyfriends,” she said simply.
Sirius laughed a little and shook his head.
“We’re not boyfriends, love. We’re just friends.” He said calmly even if his heart was beating a mile a minute.
“But he’s around all the time!” She said indignantly. “And Harry told me he heard aunt Lily tell uncle James she is sure you and Moony are sleeping together again!”
“Sleeping together?” Sirius repeated with wide eyes.
“When two people sleep in the same bed, duh.” She explained, as if he was being stupid. “My friend Padma said her mom explained that only couples sleep together! Kids can only sleep in their parents' bed if they have nightmares like I do sometimes.”
Sirius was completely speechless. Did Lily and James really believe Remus and him were back together all this time? Why hadn’t they said anything?
“So, can Moony be my other dad?” Cassie asked again.
“I… Cassie, Moony and I… We’re friends. Just friends.”
Cassie frowned suspiciously, not quite believing him.
“You should be boyfriends then. So you can marry him and then Moony can be my other dad,” she stated, nodding to herself.
Oh, if things were that easy, Sirius thought.
“You should tell Kreacher to buy that peanut butter cereal you saw in that TV commercial. The one that comes with the cat toy.” Sirius tried to distract her, going back to setting the cat dishes.
“Really?!” She said excitedly.
It worked like a charm, they continued unpacking without any other difficult questions asked. Kreacher came back shortly after they finished, Sirius put the groceries away and they had lunch at the backyard, on the couch around the fire pit. It was one of his favorite parts of the house, because of the view of the ocean.
“Don’t forget to ask Moony to come early to help us,” she reminded him for the fourth time in the last hour.
Cassie knew there was nothing else Remus could help with, but at least she forgot about the “you should marry Moony” nonsense for now. Sirius sighed. He opened his conversation with Remus and read their texts from earlier that day.
I may have bought a malibu beach house
I wish I could say that surprises me
Is this because of Cassie’s final hearing?
maybe
but i’ve always wanted a beach house
I thought your Santa Monica house was a beach house?
but it’s not in front of the beach like Marls’
anyway, want to come by to spend the weekend?
Sure, send me the address
Tell Cassie I’ll buy the mint chocolate chip ice cream she likes
You spoil her too much, what about me?
Sirius smiled at the texts, closed the chat and opened his gallery. There were loads of photos of his cats, a lot of family photos and a considerable amount of photos of Cassie and Remus or even the three of them. He’s here all the time, you should be boyfriends, pounded on his head. He still didn't know what to think about his restored friendship with Remus, and Cassie’s comments from earlier made him do something he’ve been trying to avoid in the last few months: to wonder.
What Cassie didn’t know is that Sirius and Remus were boyfriends once, or as close to boyfriends as they were able to be. They had a long history behind them, Remus and Sirius spent years, since they were teenagers, in a friends with benefits situationship. Remus was his first queer kiss, his first time, the person he shared his vulnerabilities with and who taught him to turn them into songs. Remus was the love of his life, even if Sirius took too long to see. Remus was the loss of his life too, Sirius knew he was to blame for them not being together, for pushing Remus away time and time again until he didn’t come back.
And Remus was also the man who was going through a messy divorce with Sirius’ cousin and an even messier custody dispute for their five year old son. Apparently because Remus was cheating on her with him, at least according to Lily Evans. That explained the cold shoulder Lily was giving him the last few months. He’d thought it was because she didn’t want to admit he ended up being a decent enough father for a change, especially after being the only one who didn’t support him on his decision to start the adoption process. He should’ve known better.
Sirius made a promise to Tonks many years ago, when he thought she could make Remus happy in a way he never could. He promised he’d take a step back, he’d let Remus go. He did his best to keep his promise, he got out of their way, went to their wedding and pretended to be happy for them, moved to Los Angeles to be far away from them and even quitted the band.
What he didn’t expect was for Remus to accept a teaching job in America three years later and leave his family in London, for Remus to insist on being friends again, to slither back into Sirius’ life little by little. It all started with Sunday barbecues at the Potters that ended in late night talkings, and in the blink of an eye they were co-parenting a child together and trying to pretend it was all platonic.
Sirius didn’t know what Remus’ intentions were, all he knew was he didn’t break his promise to Tonks, Remus came looking for him. Sirius couldn’t help himself, he missed Remus all the time, even if they coexisted in the family gatherings and the big events. He wanted him in his life again, and he always knew how to keep Remus around. Sirius would never say it out loud, for the sake of the promise he made to his cousin, but the truth was that deep down he would always try to get Remus back.
Sirius opened their chat again.
actually, can you come today?
to help us set everything up
After some consideration he added:
and Cassie misses you
The answer came a few minutes later.
Sorry, I was in the middle of something.
I think I can be there before dinner time.
And of course I’ll spoil you too, I bought a salted caramel ice cream for us to share ;)
“Moony will be here by dinner time,” Sirius said, trying not to smile too big while he typed the address.
Cassie made a squeaky happy sound, they finished their lunch and ended up slouching on the TV room couch, watching musical movies. The afternoon went by lazily, when they were in the middle of a big debate about watching Mamma Mia (Cassie’s favorite) or Wicked next, Sirius’ phone started to ring. When he saw who it was, he gave up on the already lost discussion and told Cassie to choose the movie while he made some popcorn and answered the call.
"Hello?"
“What the fuck do you mean with ‘bought a Malibu beach house, come spend the weekend’?! ” James said, by way of greeting.
“Language Potter!” Sirius heard Lily shout in the background.
“Sorry love.”
“Good afternoon to you too, dear friend, how’ve you been?” Sirius said ironically.
“ What the hell happened mate?”
“They scheduled the hearing for Monday at 10 a.m.,” Sirius admitted. “I know it’s sudden, but this may be our last weekend together, I want it to be special for Cassie.”
“ I thought we should only throw a party after the adoption is finalized, not a day before.”
“James.”
“ Relax Padfoot. Nothing will go wrong in the hearing, it's just a technicality.”
“ Oh, I didn't know you went to law school Prongs.”
“ Ha ha,” James said ironically. “What is stressing you so much? I thought Edgar sent you the questions they’ll probably ask and told you everything that's gonna happen.”
“He also warned me the judge was skeptical about everything the press was saying about the adoption,” Sirius explained.
“ Oh, but everyone can tell that what they’re saying is bullshit. You're a brilliant father and have been sober for what, four years now?”
“It’s not that. You know being the daughter of a public figure will affect her childhood.”
Being a worldwide famous singer was something he had to take into consideration when he started the adoption process, a lot of things weren't as simple as Sirius would like them to be. He couldn’t even remember the last time he got out of the house as himself without being followed by paparazzi and being stopped by fans in every corner. Cassie seemed to have adapted to the limitations they had way easier than expected, but he wasn't sure if it was enough.
“I put my career on pause but I didn't retire.”
“ To be able to maintain a family you have to have a job ,” James argued.
“You know that's not what I mean.”
“ Sirius, you were practically born famous, if there's someone who’ll know how to raise a child being in the industry, it's you.” When Sirius stayed silent James added. “A lot of people do it, the Weasleys have what, ten kids? If they can do it, so can you. Everything is going to be fine.”
“I’m probably overthinking this.”
“ You probably are.” James agreed. “ So, is Remus with you already? ”
Sirius could hear James’ smirk.
“Cassie asked me the same thing before we even got into the house,” Sirius ignored the sarcasm. “He said he’ll be here by dinner time.”
James answered with a knowing “ Hm .”
They stayed silent for a few seconds.
“What if-”
“ No, no more what ifs Padfoot, nothing will go wrong. ”
Sirius sighed.
“Alright, I have to go. Cassie is waiting for me to come back with the popcorn.”
“ Be safe, we’ll be there first thing tomorrow morning. ”
James hung up and somehow just hearing him saying everything was going to be fine made Sirius feel better. He started looking for the microwave popcorn Kreacher bought, thinking maybe they should make some chocolate chip cookies too.
“Cassie! What do you think about making cookies to go with the ice cream Moony will bring?”
He waited a bit but there was no answer.
“Cassie?” he called again, going back to the TV room.
The movie was already playing on the TV, but Cassie wasn't anywhere to be seen. He wanted to start shouting her name and searching the house, but it has been weeks since the last time she hid or ran away, there was no apparent reason why she would do it again after the nice day they had. Sirius knew there was no reason to panic, he should wait a little for her to come back, she was probably in the bathroom or something. His heart started racing anyway, after only five minutes waiting he started searching the house and didn’t find her in any of the reasonable places, so he went to the front door.
“Kreacher, have you seen Cassie?” he asked his bodyguard, who was smoking at the curb.
Kreacher got up and tossed the cigarette in the pavement.
“She didn't come out through here. Lock the door, I'll take a look around the house,” he said.
Sirius nodded, locked the door and took a deep breath. Sirius knew calling for her wouldn't help, she wouldn't answer, so he searched the rooms, looked inside closets, cabinets, behind doors, under the beds and certified the doors that lead outside were still locked. After 10 minutes Kreacher sent a text saying he hadn’t found her and thought she was probably still in the house, because he would’ve seen her get out otherwise. Sirius couldn’t help but panic, he went to the stairs in the middle of the house and started shouting her name.
“Cassie! Please, if you're listening, tell me where you are!”
Silence. He got down the stairs.
“Please, I just want to know you're okay!”
No answer, he continued shouting the same sentences while walking around the house, desperately trying not to imagine the worst. Sirius didn't know how much time had passed when he sat on his bed in the main bedroom, his throat aching and phone on his hand to call for help. Before he could place the call, he heard footsteps in the distance, he got up and ran to where the noise was coming from, bumping into Remus halfway down the stairs.
“How the hell did you get in here?!” Sirius asked surprised, the only set of keys were in his pocket.
“The service entry was unlocked, I heard you screaming,” he explained. “What happened? Why is she hiding?”
“I don't know,” he said desperately. “We were watching movies, I went to the kitchen to make some popcorn and she just vanished.”
“We’ll find her, you know she doesn't go far, she's probably still in the house.”
“How can you be so sure? If you can get in she can easily get out. What was I thinking? Buying a giant house right next to the beach? This house have at least five exits, she's probably downtown by now, or worst, lost on the beach or drowning in the ocean, alone and scared and-”
“Hey, let’s not think of such terrible scenarios,” Remus shutted him with a finger to his mouth. He looked behind Sirius at the piano at the end of the stairs. “You know what, you should sing her a song.”
Remus went down the stairs, Sirius followed him, frowning.
“Are you mad Remus?”
“No, really. We both know calling for her won’t help. I’m sure she’s still inside, we just need to get her attention.”
Remus pointed to the TV, at the Mamma Mia scene in which Tanya and Rosie sing Chiquitita to make Donna feel better.
“It doesn’t hurt to try. The acoustics here are amazing, if you stay in the middle of the stairs she’ll probably hear from most of the bedrooms and other rooms downstairs.”
It seemed crazy, but Sirius was already out of ideas. Remus motioned for Sirius to go up the stairs and sat down on the piano bench. He opened the lid and quickly ran his hand over the keys to remove the dust. Sirius watched him anxiously, Remus looked up and nodded for him to start singing.
“Dear Cassie, tell us what’s wrong,” he started, still skeptical with that idea “ You’re enchained by your own sorrow. In your heart, there’s no hope for tomorrow. ”
Remus started playing the piano, while Sirius sang, changing the lyrics here and there and getting more confident and hopeful Cassie would show up. Remus eventually joined him on the vocals, Sirius tried to convey everything he felt into those lyrics, so she knew he was singing from his heart.
“ Try once more-”
When they got halfway through the song, Remus suddenly stopped playing.
Sirius looked up and saw Cassie on the top of the stairs, nose red and dry tears on her cheeks. Sirius sighed in relief, she ran away again the moment he looked at her. Remus and him got up the stairs two steps at a time, when they reached the end, Remus held his wrist.
“Oi, wha-”
“Shh,” Remus shushed him, he heard faint sniffs.
“It sounds like it’s coming from the main bedroom, I think, but I was just there!” Sirius whispered.
“Did you look under the bed?” Remus whispered back.
“I did! I… she must be changing places, she's done this before,” he whispered back. “Fuck, how can I be so stupid? She was right there in the room with me.”
“Hey, don't say that,” Remus made him look. “We found her, that’s what really matters. I’ll give you two some space.”
“Thank you,” Sirius said and took a deep breath. Remus squeezed his shoulder.
“I’ll be downstairs if you need me.”
Sirius nodded and went into the bedroom. It wasn't the first time Cassie hid or stopped talking to him, he should’ve known how to deal with the situation by now. All he wished was it got easier with time, that she’d truly trust him, but he knew by experience trauma wasn’t that easy to deal with. The sniffs suddenly stopped when he entered the bedroom. He waited a few seconds and then got under the bed, Cassie hid her face and turned her back to him.
“I don't wanna talk to you!” she screamed.
Sirius took a deep breath.
“I was worried about you Cassandra. We had an agreement, no more hiding, remember?”
She ignored him, he waited a little bit more.
“Moony is here.”
Cassie sniffed, but still didn't answer. Sirius sighed.
“Alright, I’ll let you be-”
“You are going to send me back!” She shouted, before he could finish.
“What… Of course I’m not, where did you get that idea?”
“I heard you talking to uncle James, about this being our last weekend together,” she started crying again. “And you didn’t tell me about the hearing! I knew you were hiding something from me!”
“Cassie-”
“That’s why you don’t want Moony to be my other dad, because you’re sending me back!”
“Cassie-” Sirius shook his head.
“You are just like all the other ones!”
“Cassandra!” Sirius said forcefully, Cassie puffed and looked at him, with her arms crossed. “You understood it all wrong, I’m just worried about the hearing, I’m not sending you back.”
“You’re not?” She asked surprised, in a small voice. It made Sirius’ heart physically ache.
“Of course not,” he assured her. “And even being scared about the hearing, I’ll fight with all I have for our family because you are my daughter and I love you. Nothing can change that and I won’t let anyone take you away from me, ever.”
“You promise?”
Sirius knew that was a promise he couldn’t make, not before the final hearing, but he decided to take a leap of faith.
“I promise.”
Cassie nodded and hugged him tightly.
“I love you too,” she murmured.
Sirius finally let some of the tears he was holding all that time fall.
“Did you see if Moony really brought ice cream?” She murmured after a while.
Sirius laughed and they disentangled from the embrace.
“I don’t know, you should probably ask him.”
They got out from under the bed, Cassie washed her face and ran down the stairs even after Sirius’ protests.
“Ouch,” Remus exclaimed when she collapsed against him in a bear hug. He picked her up and spinned her.
Sirius observed them fondly from the middle of the stairs, Remus looked up at him and smiled affectionately. Cassie recovered quickly after seeing Remus, dragging him for a house tour and talking nonstop about everything she loved in it. Sirius took advantage of that to, with Kreacher’s help, make sure every door that led outside was really locked and to make the promised popcorn. Remus, Cassie and him ended up scattered on the couch to watch Mamma Mia for the hundredth time. Cassie was sleeping before the main song was sung. When the credits started to roll, Sirius turned to Remus smiling lazily.
“You know what? I feel like baking cookies,” he said.
“You mean you feel like sitting there and looking pretty while I bake cookies?” Remus raised his eyebrows.
“You know me so well,” Sirius said with a hand on his heart.
Remus covered Cassie with a blanket and they both went to the kitchen. Sirius set apart the ingredients for Remus and sat in one of the stools to observe. They talked about nothing special for a while, until Sirius made a question that made Remus pause.
“You said you were in the middle of something earlier, what was that about?” Sirius asked curiously. Remus made a funny face.
“Dora is in town,” he started, not looking up from the cookie dough.
“Did she bring Teddy?” Sirius asked hopefully, he knew Remus hadn’t seen his son since before Tonks sent him the divorce papers.
“No, not yet,” Remus smiled grimly. “We signed the divorce papers though.”
Remus looked up at him, waiting for his reaction. Sirius tried not to show any emotions on his face.
“That’s good, right?” He couldn’t help but ask.
“It is,” Remus agreed. “It’s for the best, that’s for sure.”
Remus kept looking at him intently. Sirius had no idea what to say after that, so he grabbed a spoon and stole some cookie dough. Remus laughed and shook his head.
“Did you know the first time I went to the beach was with you?” He changed the subject.
“It was? When?” Sirius asked, surprised.
“Our first press tour, for Marauders Map. I’ve never been out of the UK and you brought me here, to Malibu.”
“Oh, I remember that day,” a lot of memories from those years were somewhat blurred, but that was a day he couldn’t forget. “We disappeared without telling anyone and went back to the hotel in the middle of the night as if nothing had happened.”
“Peter thought we were kidnapped but James was unimpressed,” Remus added, grinning.
“Yeah, I still can’t believe we thought we were subtle,” Sirius chuckled.
“The only ones we were fooling were ourselves,” Remus pointed, adding the chocolate chips to the cookie dough.
“You were scared shitless of the ocean,” Sirius remembered.
“And you begged me to get in the water with you, said you’d never speak with me again if I refused.”
“I shouldn’t have done that,” Sirius shook his head, chuckling.
“I’m happy that you did,” Remus confessed. “I felt so free after I lost the initial fear, and I probably would never try if it wasn’t for you. I was braver around you, still am.”
“Oh, you’re just trying to woo me,” Sirius said playfully.
“Maybe I am,” Remus said quietly, molding the cookies and placing them on the tray. Sirius’ couldn’t help but be mesmerized with the way his hands worked on the dough. Remus caught him looking and smirked, Sirius cleaned his throat and averted his gaze. He waited for Remus to go wash his hands, with his back to him, to get the courage to ask a question he has been waiting a long time to ask.
“Did you ever wonder? About…” Sirius sighed.
Remus turned around, drying his hands.
“Us?” he finished for him. Sirius nodded.
“‘Cause I wondered.”
“I know, I heard your last three albums.”
Sirius scoffed, Remus gave a small laugh, putting the cookie tray in the oven and setting a timer.
“I still wonder,” Sirius said in a whisper, not sure if he was ready for that confession.
Remus looked at him, as if searching him for something.
“I’ve always wondered,” Remus said quietly, heading towards him.
Remus approached Sirius with excruciatingly slow steps, testing the waters. He stopped right in front of him, eyes still searching for a sign he was reading it all wrong. Sirius gave him the smallest of nods, Remus touched his face, thumbing his cheek lightly the same way he did in the piano room in Hogwarts all those years ago, when they shared their first kiss. Sirius closed his eyes.
“Will we always have to wonder?” Sirius whispered.
Remus pressed his lips against Sirrius’ delicately, they both sighed in relief, savoring the moment. Sirius was delighted to discover kissing Remus was even better than he remembered, but kissing him wasn't the only thing he remembered.
“Remus I… I can’t, we can’t,” Sirius pushed him away, but couldn’t bring himself to get out of Remus’s arms.
“Don’t think too much about it,” Remus whispered, leaning in again.
Sirius held Remus’ shoulders and pushed him a little.
“We need to think about it.” He said with conviction. “We need to talk about it, we shouldn’t, I can’t… not without talking.”
Remus seemed taken aback, frowning at the space Sirius put between them. Sirius jumped off the stool.
“I’ll put Cassie to bed.”
He walked to the couch and slowly picked Cassie up. Remus watched him from afar still frowning, Sirius avoided his gaze and went up the stairs. After tucking his daughter in, he stayed there watching her sleep peacefully. Sirius knew he was only buying himself some time to really think it all through, to articulate in his head what he needed to say to Remus, in an assertive way like his therapist had taught him.
Sirius couldn’t stop thinking about Remus' words and about their first kiss, when Remus whispered those same words for the first time before kissing him and changing everything he thought he knew about himself. “ Don’t think too much about it.” Sirius took those words to heart, on their first kiss, on their first time, everytime they got back together after a messy breakup, everytime they were reminded they shouldn’t think too much about it. After a while those words didn’t need to be said anymore, they were understood, hidden in a simple glace, in a soft sigh, on the touch of a hand. Until it wasn’t anymore, until Remus was the one who started thinking too much about it.
After some time Sirius started to be the only one silently saying those words. Don’t think too much about it, we don’t need labels, I just need you. It was very hypocritical of Remus to teach Sirius how to not think too much about everything and then be the one who started thinking too much about them and what they were to each other, what they should be and what they never had the chance to be. Well, apparently they have a chance now.
Remus was sitting on the couch staring into space when he came back, a bowl full of cookies on the center table. Sirius grabbed a cookie and sat on the couch next to Remus, who gave him a strained smile and grabbed a cookie too. They both took a bite at the same time, Sirius had never heard a silence quite this loud.
“So,” Sirius started. “You just got divorced, like, today.”
“Indeed,” Remus agreed patiently.
“And you have a kid,” Sirius continued.
“So do you,” Remus raised an eyebrow, confused.
They stayed silent, looking at each other. Sirius sighed.
“We’ve been through a lot in the past,” he said at once.
Remus stayed silent, face unreadable.
“I… don’t know how to talk about this,” Sirius laughed a little desperately, putting his hair in a messy bun, an anxious habit.
“Take your time,” Remus said, grabbing another cookie and relaxing his back against the couch.
The words hit Sirius like a gunshot and took him back to the past again. Take your time, Remus would say kindly when Sirius couldn't think of the right word for a verse on a new song. Take your time, I’ll be here when you’re ready Remus would say sadly after Sirius explained again about how he wasn't ready for a serious relationship. Take your time, make your excuses, Remus would say and roll his eyes, after Sirius tried to explain his feelings for what felt like the hundredth time. Take your time, Remus would interrupt sarcastically, when the angry tears started turning into sobs and Sirius couldn't articulate what he was feeling into words anymore. Sirius was tired of taking his time. Take your time, three words that started so kind and became a warning he wasn’t being listened to anymore, words that made him want to shout so that he could be heard.
“What do you want from me Remus? What do you truly want from me?” He asked tiredly, grabbing another cookie and relaxing on the couch too, staring at the ceiling.
Remus seemed surprised, Sirius knew what he was waiting for. He was waiting for the beginning of the screaming and fighting that always ended with a messy kiss and a night they both would regret in the morning. But Sirius wasn’t that person anymore, he hadn't been for quite a while.
“I don’t want anything from you, I just want you.” Remus said, looking at the ceiling.
“You can’t say things like that, not if you don't really mean them.”
“I do mean them, of course I mean them. All I’d always wanted was you. Just you.”
“But I’m not the Sirius you fell in love with anymore. I’m not adventurous, or confident, reckless-”
“I know that.” Remus said calmly.
“Or free-spirited, passionate, seductive-”
“I think you're selling yourself short, the way you licked that spoon a few minutes ago was very seductive to me,” Remus said with a small smile.
Sirius’ cheeks reddened a little and he rolled his eyes.
“Sirius, hey, look at me” Remus placed a hand on his wrist, which started a series of goosebumps on his whole body. Sirius turned his head to look at him. “I love you, the way that you are. The same way I loved you the way that you were and I just know I will love you until the day I die.”
Remus waited for Sirius to say something but he didn’t know what to say. It was everything he tried not to hope for in the last seven years, it was too good to be true.
“I’m tired of pretending I don't love you anymore,” Remus admitted. “I made a mistake, a lot of mistakes, we both did. And I want a chance to make it right, that’s all I want from you.”
Remus removed his hand from Sirius’ wrist and waited.
“We’ve been seeing each other a lot lately,” Sirius murmured, more to himself than to Remus.
“Indeed we have,” Remus agreed.
“You help me a lot with Cassie, almost like co-parenting,” he continues.
“Yes… kind of.”
“And Cassie asked me earlier today if you could be her other father,” he blurted out.
“She did?” Remus asked, surprised. “When?”
“While making a grocery list,” Sirius said distractedly, looking down at how close his and Remus’s hands were on the couch. Remus touched Sirius’s pinky with his thumb lightly, slowly they intertwined their fingers one by one. Even after all these years, Remus’ touch made electricity run through Sirius’ body.
“I know that giving us another chance could either break my heart or bring it back to life,” Remus said, still looking at their joined hands. “But I want to try.”
Remus looked at him intently, waiting for an answer.
“I love you too,” Sirius said at last, looking Remus in the eyes. “Always have, always will.”
Without unlocking their hands, Remus leaned in and kissed him again, slowly and carefully. Sirius wouldn't have none of that, not after all this time. He cupped Remus’ neck and pressed their lips together in earnest, desperately pulling him closer. Remus forgot completely about taking his time, reaching out for Sirius' waist and pressing their chests together. Their mouths and bodies clumsily trying to find their old rhythm or to create a completely new one. The kiss was messy, uncoordinated and the most perfect kiss they ever shared. Remus’ hand traveled from Sirius' waist to the back of his thigh, urging him to straddle his lap while trading kisses along his neck. Sirius went along and Remus untangled their hands so he could wrap his arms around Sirius.
“Wait,” Sirius asked breathlessly before they could go too far.
“What?” Remus tightened his arms around Sirius and looked up at him.
“We can't shag on the couch, Cassie could wake up or Kreacher could come in.”
Remus opened his mouth to say something, but changed his mind and gave him one last long kiss on the lips. Sirius couldn't help but melt against him.
“Come on,” Remus said, getting Sirius off his lap and offering him a hand.
Their way up to the bedroom took way longer than it should, they walked hand in hand, stealing kisses along the way and laughing at nothing specifically, like the teenagers in love they once were. Sirius couldn't remember the last time he felt this light, this happy, it felt like singing in a crowded stadium, like fitting the final puzzle piece, like swimming in the ocean for the first time. It felt like finally coming home.
***
James, Lily and the kids arrived at the house on Saturday before Sirius, Remus and Cassie had even gotten out of bed, first thing in the morning as James promised. Amelia showed up not long after, Marlene and Dorcas arrived at lunchtime, and brought the Longbottoms and Mary in tow. To Sirius’ surprise, Regulus showed up even after not answering his texts, with a giant cactus as a housewarming gift.
Cassie gave each one of the guests a full house tour, explaining what they would keep and what they’d change, who’d sleep in each room and all the parties they would throw in the next ten years. Sirius and Remus watched her from afar fondly, as more people arrived, Remus became more distant, probably out of habit or because he didn’t want people to know about them just yet. They spent most of the day on the beach, the kids had the time of their lives and the adults were able to catch up on eachothers lives.
At night everyone gathered around the fire pit to get warm and tell the kids ghost stories. Lily said a night by the fire wasn’t complete without marshmallows, so she went to the kitchen to grab everything. When she started to take longer than expected to come back, Sirius decided to see what was taking her so long.
“The fire is almost dying Lilyflower,” he told her, leaning against the door.
“I can’t find the marshmallows,” she explained. Sirius pointed to a shelf above her head.
“Fucking hell,” she murmured, getting on her tiptoes to try to pick it up.
“Language miss Evans,” Sirius joked, going to help her. Lily flipped him off.
Sirius noticed an opportunity he couldn’t miss, and maybe it would make Remus stop being so distant too.
“Actually, you should be more careful about what you say around your kids,” Sirius told Lily lightly, giving her the marshmallows. She frowned.
“What do you mean?”
“I had a very interesting conversation with Cassie about what “sleeping together” means.”
Lily 's eyes widened, Sirius smirked.
“Oh my God, Harry heard our conversation,” she said, shocked. Sirius nodded, trying not to laugh at her mortified expression.
“Just so you know, Remus and I haven’t been sleeping together for the last few months. Well, not until yesterday, and you already know why.”
Lily scoffed, shaking her head.
“Can you blame me for thinking you were? You two were always all or nothing!”
Sirius laughed and grabbed the sticks and matches.
“It’s fine Evans, I’m just messing with you,” he motioned for them to go. “Come on, the kids are waiting.”
***
The weekend was better than Sirius could plan it to be. On Sunday afternoon, James and Frank came back from the beach earlier to make dinner. Sirius decided to come back with them, he needed some time alone to internalize everything that happened in the last two days. The conversation with Lily didn’t help with Remus being distant, but he had all the time in the world to deal with it. Sirius was much more worried about the hearing the next day and the promise he made to his daughter, but he knew that no matter what happened, he wouldn’t go through it alone.
Sirius was sitting by the fire pit watching the sunset when he saw Remus approaching him slowly, with a guitar in hand, from the corner of his eye.
“You can come close, I won’t bite,” he said, still looking at the sea.
“Sorry, I thought you were meditating or something,” Remus said.
Sirius laughed a little and petted the space next to him on the couch, but Remus sat on the other couch next to his. Sirius frowned.
“Lily definitely knows something is up,” Remus said.
“I kind of told her we’re officially together again” Sirius shrugged, Remus raised his eyebrows in surprise. “What? We are together aren’t we?”
“Yes,” Remus shook his head. “I just thought-”
“We don’t have to make a big deal out of how we tell people,” Sirius interrupted. “Well, maybe we should when we tell Tonks the news, but I have the feeling she won't be surprised.”
Remus smiled grimly at the thought.
“What’s with the guitar?” Sirius asked, changing the subject. The weekend was supposed to be relaxing, they could worry about it all later.
“I wrote something for you,” Remus said, positioning himself.
“Should I be worried? All the songs you ever wrote about me are kind of angsty,” Sirius jokes lightly, but is actually worried about what he is about to listen to. It never ended well for him.
Remus smiled and started playing.
“It's called Malibu,” he said.
“Oh, very creative of you,” Sirius replied.
“Shush,” Remus said before he started singing.
I never came to the beach or stood by the ocean
I never sat by the shore under the sun with my feet in the sand
But you brought me here and I'm happy that you did
Even if I get so scared of what I can't understand
Here I am
Next to you
The sky is so blue
In Malibu
Next to you
We watched the sun go down as we were walking
I'd spend the rest of my life just standing here talking
Is it supposed to be this hot all summer long?
I never would've believed you
If three years ago you told me
I'd be here writing this song
But here I am
Next to you
The sky is so blue
In Malibu
Next to you
We are just like the waves that flow back and forth
Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning and you're there to save me
And I wanna thank you with all of my heart
It's a brand new start
A dream come true
In Malibu
The song was simple and light, it felt like an afternoon on the beach, like stolen kisses in the kitchen or finding love again when you least expected it. Watching Remus sing about what he felt for him while the sun sets behind him is a memory Sirius will cherish for the rest of his life. Sirius thought he would never get a second chance with Remus, he thought he’d lost the love of his life, but there they were, after all this time. When Remus finished singing he gave Sirius a small smile and looked down sheepishly, it reminded Sirius of when he started to fall head over heels in love with the man in front of him, in their songwriting sessions at Hogwarts.
“We should get married.”
There was no other thing Sirius could've said after such a beautiful declaration of love. Remus looked at him as if he was going crazy.
“I beg your pardon?”
“Sorry, I've done this wrong.” He kneeled on the floor and held Remus’ hands. “Remus John Lupin, love of my life, moon to my star, will you marry me?”
Remus stared at him, waiting for the punchline to come.
“You’re serious,” he stated.
“I’m always Sirius,” Sirius said with a smirk.
“Padfoot, I’ve been divorced for two days, and we also have been together for a couple days,” Remus reminded him.
“No, we’ve been a long time coming couple for the last two decades. And your divorce was a long time coming too,” Sirius got up from the floor. “And I’m not telling you we should marry tomorrow. We could be engaged for a while, marry after a year or two-”
“Sirius…”
“Also, Cassie needs another parent and she already told me she wants you to be her dad,” Sirius argued.
“Are you really trying to baby-trap me right now?” Remus laughed in disbelief.
“Oh please, I’ve already trapped you,” he laughed too. “But really, why should we wait anymore? I'm not going back on my decision, are you?”
“Of course not, it's just… I just got divorced, and I’m still trying to get the rights to visit my son again and-” Sirius got up and kissed him to shut him up.
“You once told me, many times actually, that no matter what is happening in our lives, love can find its way to fit in. Did you change your mind?”
“No.”
“So marry me.”
Remus looked up to the sky, in an internal conflict.
“Okay, fine, let's get married… in a year or two from now.”
Sirius hugged him very tightly and kissed him again and again until they were interrupted by Marlene calling them from the dining room door.
“What are you two love birds doing out there in the cold?” She shouted. “Dinner’s ready, and the kids are asking about you, Remus. Something about ice cream?”
Remus closed his eyes and sighed, laughing a little. Marlene started walking backwards giving Sirius two thumbs up and an exaggerated wink only for him to see. Sirius rolled his eyes.
“Things are definitely not going to be like what they were before,” Remus said laughing.
“No, they are going to be way better.”
Sirius got up to follow Marlene into the dining room. He knew no one would believe Remus and he really waited for the divorce and Cassie's adoption to finalize to give their relationship another chance, but that was a price he was willing to pay for his happiness.
Marlene had saved the end seat for him, between her and James. Everyone was chatting, laughing and filling their plates. They looked comfortable, even Regulus who was always more withdrawn. They looked at home in a house Sirius bought not even a week ago. Sirius’ eyes suddenly filled with tears, in that moment, looking around the table at the family he somehow managed to build for himself, he finally understood what it takes to make a house a home.