Chapter Text
He was lying in his nest, nuzzling his face into a piece of fabric that smelled like salted caramel. It was nauseating but brought him some sort of comfort, not enough of it, though. Never enough comfort because it wasn’t his alpha.
Mikey shook his head, instantly making the world start to spin around him.
He should eat something, he realised. His body was exhausted, barely keeping it together to keep both of them alive at the same time. With the amount of calories he was consuming, he couldn’t sustain himself, let alone the baby. He knew this. Of course, he knew this. But this one therapy session Haru insisted on him having, had completely messed up his head, leaving him like that.
He curled himself into a ball. Maybe if he folded his body enough times, he would disappear from this Earth? But what about the baby then? He couldn’t do that to the baby.
He sniffled at the scented fabric to calm his nerves, but it only made his stomach churn. Using the remaining strength he had in himself, he threw the piece of fabric away from his nest, pulling the components of the fluffy walls closer to himself instead. He liked this one much better: the clean scent of their washing detergent and the sweet aroma of Haru’s sweat.
They told him he could die.
The stupid doctors—two of them—said that his body was too weak to carry the pregnancy. He knew they were right, deep down he knew they were right and that begging Haru for a baby was an idiotic idea. But he wanted this. He wanted to start a family with him.
He wanted…
“Haru~” Mikey whined, suddenly feeling too alone in his solitude. He couldn’t be alone in his nest. It needed to be full: full of love and cubs, full of his beloved beta.
He wanted this baby. He wanted to carry it to the world, to prove to everyone that he wasn’t a bad person. Maybe. Or maybe he was just tired of destroying every nice thing he ever had in his life and wanted to do things differently now.
“Mikey?” As if sensing his distress, Haruchiyo entered the room, holding a glass of a smoothie. His eyebrows knitted together when he stepped over a rag reeking of some salty caramel bitch alpha. “I got you a smoothie. Can you…?”
He didn’t even finish the sentence. Up till this point today, Mikey has refused every meal that was brought to him. He just couldn’t. He didn’t deserve it.
“I’m not hungry.” Shit, just how obvious was it that he lied? Well, he didn’t feel hunger, but his head was spinning, and his heart felt like it was fighting for its life in his chest. Doctors warned him that it might just give up at one point during the pregnancy.
(“Your body is weakened due to years-long malnutrition, Sano-san. Given your blood test results, I’d say it’s a miracle that you even got pregnant, but it’s not a lucky miracle. I don’t think there is an easy way to say it, but… carrying this baby might kill you.”)
“Mikey, please… just a little bit. A few sips. If you don’t like this, I can make you another one. What flavour would you drink? Just tell me and I’ll do it. Just–“ Haru sat on the edge of the bed, too careful not to mess with the nest he put up in Mikey’s room. “Please.”
Mikey squirmed in the nest, moving his body closer towards his lover. He grabbed his arm and pulled it towards himself, bony fingers wrapped around the thin wrist. He nuzzled his face against the scent gland on Haru’s wrist despite knowing that a beta couldn’t scent him properly.
(“Maybe you would have a higher survival rate if you had an alpha by your side. But an unmated omega with just a beta?”)
He still loved Haru’s clean scent—he smelled of soap, tropical fruits and sweet liquorice.
“The alpha scent…?” He heard Haru ask, but Mikey refused to open his eyes to see the worried expression on his face.
“It stinks.”
“Sorry, I’ll bring you another one tomorrow.”
Scented pieces of fabric were supposed to help calm his inner omega, making him feel like an alpha was present, despite it being just the two of them in the apartment.
Just the two of them and occasional doctors, ensuring that he was still alive. He had to rest to keep the baby alive. He had to gain weight to keep the baby alive. He had to take care of his body to keep the baby alive.
He hasn’t left it in weeks. He wasn’t even sure what story Haru fed to their people, so he could be left alone like that, not bothered by any of the Bonten stuff.
He had to keep the baby alive.
“I want the baby to live,” he whispered, rubbing his cheek against Haru’s wrist.
“It will live. I’ll make sure that both of you make it alive, but please, Mikey, you must eat for this to happen. Please.”
“If they make you choose during the birth…” Mikey forced his eyes open. His eyelids felt heavy, like they were made of lead. “I want you to choose the baby. The baby must live, please.”
He noticed when Haru’s eyes widened in panic at the realisation of what he was asking for.
“I want you to raise it. It’s yours. I’m carrying it for you, so take care of it, okay?”
“Mikey…”
“It will be… your new purpose in life. Okay?”
It was hard to say what was showing on his face, but whatever it was, it brought tears to Haru’s eyes.
“I want both of you to live, please.”
“I’ll try,” he lied—Mikey realised it as soon as the words left his mouth. He never cared about his own survival, only about the baby, since he learned they had finally succeeded in making it. Haru must have realised it too because he intertwined their fingers and squeezed them painfully tight.
“Please.”
“But you can’t give the baby up.”
“Mikey…”
Mikey closed his eyes because he didn’t want to see that. He didn’t want to see the tears streaming down Haru’s cheeks. But even as he might have stopped looking, he could still hear a broken sob that escaped his beta’s mouth.
"I won't give up the baby, I promise, but you can't die, please. You can't ask me to tell the doctors to let you die."
“I’ll try. But you have to promise me this. You have to.”
When after a whole minute there was no answer, Mikey sluggishly blinked his eyes open. Haru was still there by his side holding his hand, but he was hiding his face in his other one, covering his mouth to muffle the sobs.
Oh.
(“I think it’s important to remember that despite all the people you have lost in your life, Manjiro-san, there are still people who care about you now .”)
Of course, Haru cared about him. Haru was there for him, fulfilling his every whim, making sure that despite everything falling apart, he would still have at least one reason to smile.
“Haru,” he called his name quietly, too tired to speak. His heart was hammering. Shit, maybe he should have at least drank some water? “Lie down with me?”
He watched Haru wipe his tear-stained face, acting a bit sheepishly now that he realised he’d been seen. He moved his body a bit, making more room in the nest for Haru to crawl over and lie behind him.
It felt warm—the moment he lay down next to him, Mikey could feel his body relax, his senses flooding with his delicate scent.
He closed his eyes again, feeling Haru press his forehead between his shoulder blades, thin but strong arms wrapped around his waist. He was resting his hands on Mikey’s slightly protruding belly.
Swollen with their baby.
Mikey couldn’t help but smile and push his back into Haru’s body, his expression, however, faltered when Haru whispered:
“I promise to do anything to save you both. Don’t make me choose someone who isn’t you. Even if it’s our baby. “
“It’s our baby,” he repeated quietly. Maybe he should try, he realised. To stay alive to see their baby out in this world.
He placed his hand on top of Haru’s.
“It should go first,” he asked quietly. “I want you to choose it, please. But I promise to try too. You can… could you do something for my smoothies to be more… caloric?”
It was hard to miss that Haru tensed behind him. “You’d do that?”
“Just… don’t tell me about it.”
“I won’t. I promise.” With their fingers now intertwined, Mikey sighed with relief. Haru would help him stay alive. For their baby. “Could you try the one I brought now? It’s strawberries with almond milk since you felt sick after the regular one last time.”
Mikey nodded and tried to push himself up, but in the end, he had to accept Haru’s help to sit. His hand was shaking when he took a glass and brought it to his lips. Maybe it was for the best that even sitting up, he was still resting his back against Haru’s chest because that way, he didn’t have to see his panicked expression when it became apparent just how weak he was today.
His stomach twisted at the contact with the first thing resembling food in over twenty hours, but the cold liquid felt divine on his parched throat.
Haru’s hand were gently massaging his belly as if begging it for the food to please, fucking please, stay down. The morning sickness has been insane lately—yet another reason for him to avoid food.
“Will you… try to eat solid food too? It can be tomorrow, but please.”
“It will make me feel sick”
“For the baby.”
For the baby, yeah. Mikey rested his head back against Haru’s shoulder. For their baby, he could try.