Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Alex met Henry when he was ten years old. He had never been the best at making friends so when the new kid arrived, he didn’t even think of giving it a try. But surprisingly, said new kid - after a few days in school - had come to him.

“Hi, I’m Henry. Do you mind if I sit with you? Everyone is so loud here, I need more quiet and I saw you around and it looks calmer around you.” 

Alex watched the blonde boy, Henry, say all of this in one big breath, and then play with his hands, looking somehow worried that he had said something wrong. Alex probably waited too long to answer because he saw the boy nod and get ready to leave so he spoke before he did.

“Hey! I’m Alex. You can stay here, that’s fine. But I have to tell you that people say I talk too much, or am too much, so I won’t be, like, offended if you choose to leave at some point.”

“Thanks Alex. People tell me I don’t talk enough so maybe we’ll work out fine as friends.”

The smile on Henry’s face that day would remain in Alex’s brain forever. They stuck together for every lunch and recess, and at some point, decided they even needed to spend more time together. That’s when Alex had suggested Henry come for a sleepover. They were a few months into their friendship and while Henry knew everything about Alex’s family, he hadn’t talked much about his own. Their first sleepover, Alex would understand why.

“My mom said we could watch a movie in my room tonight. She put a screen there so we can. Are you a James Bond fan? Because I am and I’d like to watch the last one with Arthur Fox. I know there’s newer ones but he’s my favorite.”

Henry didn’t answer while Alex was rummaging through the DVDs but when he turned around, the tears on Henry’s face were unescapable.

“Henry, what’s wrong?” Alex went to his friend and hugged him. “It’s okay if you don’t like it, or don’t want to watch it. We don’t have to.” When Henry didn’t say a word, Alex asked in a small voice if he wanted to go home, but Henry only shook his head no.

“Promise me you won’t repeat what I'm about to tell you.” Henry asked and Alex nodded. “No. I need you to actually promise, Alex. I don’t want anyone to know.”

“I promise Henry. You’re my best friend, you can always tell me secrets and I won’t say a word.”

“You’re my best friend too.” Henry smiled at him and said through the tears. “Do you know my last name, Alex?”

“Yes, it’s Moutchristen.”

“That’s the one we gave to the school. My full name is Mountchristen-Fox.”

“Hey! you’re like me, you’ve got a double last name!” Alex said before Henry’s words finally registered. “You mean…?”

“I mean Arthur Fox was my dad. And I don’t want people to know because it hurts.”

“I’m sorry. We’ll watch something else. And I won’t tell anyone. But Henry, if one day you want to talk about him, I’m here.”

It had been their first real hug. Alex hadn’t let go until Henry’s tears had receded and they’d settled on watching Star Wars.

Fast forward to their second real hug. They had turned fifteen a few weeks before and were currently watching Henry’s favorite movie, on Alex’s bed, Henry’s head resting on his best friends’ chest, Alex’s hand running his fingers through Henry’s hair.

“Alex?”

“Hm?”

“I need to tell you something.” Henry began and Alex tried to sit upright, only for Henry to hold him down. “I need you to not look at me, I’m sorry. I’m afraid I can’t face your reaction.”

“Hen, you can tell me anything. But sure, lay your head down again. You’re safe.”

“I’ve known something for a while now, and I’ve been wanting to talk to you about it but there’s never been the right moment and I don’t think now is the right time either but I need to tell you.” Henry began and Alex patiently waited for him to go on. He tried to make sure to keep his breathing deep and steady, and his hand moving on Henry’s scalp, having an idea of where this talk was going. He felt more than heard Henry take a deep breath and release his truth on the next exhale. “I’m gay.”

Alex’s arms automatically strengthened their hold on Henry, who was shivering against Alex’s body.

“Sweetheart, thank you for telling me. I am so proud of you. I love you and I am so grateful you’ve trusted me with who you are.”

Alex felt Henry squeeze him some more and he knew his friend needed time , and to just be for a while.

“Have you told anyone else?” Alex asked after a while.

“You’re the first one I feel comfortable enough telling. I’m almost certain Bea knows.”

“Yeah, she probably suspects at least.”

“Did you?” Henry asked, voice small.

“I wondered, because you never say a word when I talk about girls. But honestly, it didn’t matter. I love you, just as you are, no matter how you identify.”

“It sounds so easy when you say it.”

“What?” Alex asked.

“How you feel.” Henry answered shyly.

“Ah, yeah I guess. Does it bother you when I tell you?”

“No. But aren’t you worried about what people might think?” Henry asked and Alex knew he wanted to look at Henry for this part of the talk.

“Can I look at you? I’d really like to see you when I tell you my answer.” Alex asked and only moved Henry around when he felt the other man nod. He moved their bodies until they were face to face. When he noticed Henry looking down, he placed two fingers under his chin and lifted his face so they were eye to eye.

“I. Love. You. Henry. I don’t care about whoever in third period thinks about it. I want you to know it because I know you’re constantly worried about how people feel about you.”

“But what if they get the wrong idea?”

“You mean what if they think “love” love?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t care. And unless it’s a problem for you, then I really - really - couldn’t care less.”

Alex said and let Henry slide down against his body, going back into his initial position. After a few minutes, he heard Henry speak softly.

“I do too, you know.”

“I know.” Alex said, because it was enough and he knew how much it had already cost Henry to tell him that.

Soon enough, Alex and Henry left for college. They shared a dorm at UT Austin, doing four years of undergrad there. Their dynamic, which had worked well in high school, worked even better in college. Where Henry was shy and introverted, Alex was outgoing and friendly with everyone he met.

One evening, Alex got invited to a party and asked if he could bring someone.

“You got a girl hidden somewhere, Claremont?” One of the guys asked, a lewd smile on his face.

“First, it’s Claremont- Diaz , then rude and finally bold of you to assume it’s a girl.”

Texas was a wonderful place to live in, but sadly, some people were more than narrow-minded when it came to origin or sexual orientation.

“You’re kidding, right?”

“So what if I’m not? Would it be a problem?”

“Did your roommate turn you or something?” the guy asked, disgust evident in his voice.

Alex had planned on remaining calm, he really had. But the guy in front of him made a huge mistake bringing Henry into the conversation and Alex wasn’t about to let it slide.

“Again, bold of you to assume he would be the one to turn me, as you say, and not the opposite. Second, your knowledge of human identity is severely lacking and I somehow hope you take biology at some point, and stop being a fucking asshole.”

Alex wasn’t done but he noticed a crowd had gathered around them. After all, the guy he was currently talking to was somehow well-known on campus and Alex made no effort whatsoever to keep his voice down.

“And finally, I will never set foot in any party you’re ever organizing if everyone isn’t welcome. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go see my friend because unlike you, he’s actually a person worth talking to.” With a mock salute, Alex jogged away from the guy and went to a group of people he knew from his next class.

Of course, Alex’s speech was all everyone could talk about that day so he wasn’t overly surprised when Henry mentioned it in their room that night.

“I heard you had quite the day today.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Alex, the whole school is talking about you and openly wondering if you and I are dating.”

“I could do worse.” Alex shrugged and smiled.

“Thank you.”

“What for?”

“Saying what you did to them.”

“If you’re not welcome at a party, then neither am I. No fucking way am I going to some homophobic party. They’re not worthy of my time.”

It took Alex a few more months to realize and acknowledge that he, too, belonged to the community. One night, he got back to their dorm and sat down on his bed, waiting patiently - at least as much as Alex could - for Henry to come back. When he did and saw Alex on his bed doing nothing, he dropped his bag and went to him instantly.

“Alex, is everything okay?”

“I don’t know.” Alex answered, his voice weird even to his own ears.

“Fair enough. You want to walk me through your thoughts?” Henry asked him and Alex loved how Henry had gotten so used to Alex’s way of working through things.

“You know Nate? From my history class.” Alex began and went on when Henry nodded. “Well, he asked if I wanted to grab coffee with him after class and I said yes because he’s cool and I didn’t have plans anyway. So we’re having coffee and talking when he says he was worried about asking because he didn’t know if the rumors about you and I were true or not and I asked him if he was just using me to get to you.”

“Oh Alex…”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. He blushed and told me he’d been crushing on me for weeks.”

“You never noticed?”

“No! I’m so oblivious like 90% of the time but even more when it comes to this. I’m pretty straightforward when I want to date people.”

“I have seen you in action, I know. Please tell me you let him down gently.”

“I didn’t.” Alex almost whispered.

“Alex.” Henry’s voice cut him before he could go on and Alex heard the pain Henry felt.

“If you’d let me finish, you’d be having a different reaction. I didn’t let him down. I’m huh… I’m seeing him again on Friday?” Alex saw Henry’s eyebrows shoot up.

“Are you asking me?”

“No. I’m telling you. We have a date at 7. I… Okay so I might be completely oblivious to others but turns out I’m even more to myself because I am a hundred percent bisexual if my recent make out session is any indication.” Alex said, smiling, and he could have sworn he saw a flash of something in Henry’s eyes, but it was gone almost as fast as it appeared, so Alex didn’t have much time to wonder about it.

“Alex… I’m happy for you. I’m glad you let yourself be who you are. Thank you for telling me.”

Alex dated Nate for a few weeks. He never told Henry the reason why they broke up, it didn’t really matter anyway.

* * *

When time came for grad school, both Alex and Henry opted for out of state. They both got accepted at NYU and Henry was the one to suggest they rent a place together.

After all, New York was a very expensive city and while both of them had fond memories of their dorm years, they kind of wanted something a bit more quiet.

Henry could have afforded to live on his own, but as soon as they agreed not to room on campus, Henry had offered a shared place.

“Unless you don’t want to, of course.”

“In what universe would I not want to?” Alex has asked, laughing. “You and I? we’re ride or die, baby. You’re never getting rid of me.”

During their undergrad years, they had met Nora, who had become a fixture in their lives. She and Alex had dated, if you could even call it that, for a few weeks, before they both agreed they were way better as friends. She had also decided to study at NYU, and Alex really didn’t want to think of the reasons why she had decided to move in with his sister, thank you very much. With June and Nora close, also came Percy. 

Percy had been Henry’s friend from England, the only person he had stayed in touch with throughout his American life. And Percy had also decided to relocate to New York, where he worked to open shelters for LGBTQIA+ kids who weren’t lucky with their families.

Every Friday, the group would meet up for drinks, sometimes dinner, but mostly just to spend time together.

Alex had never realized it, not until Nora pointed it out. Henry had taken on the habit of calling him “love”. Alex had been worried about bringing it up, their conversation over how easy it was for Alex to tell him he loved him - though he did it less with age - still a reminder of Henry’s distaste of talking about love. 

When Alex had finally talked about it with him, his answer had been rather simple: “it’s a very British thing to do.” and Alex hadn’t looked for more. Even though part of his brain reminded him that Henry hadn’t lived in England for almost two decades. But Alex didn’t want to push. If Henry felt comfortable calling him love, who was Alex to deprive him from that?

But Nora had told him a few months later that Alex should pay more attention, because aside from him, Henry didn’t call anyone else “love”, not even his sister, or Percy. It appeared that this specific endearment was reserved to Alex and Alex only. And it made him exceptionally great. To know that he mattered to Henry as much as Henry mattered to him, enough to have his own personal name.

In all fairness, Alex probably hadn’t been ready at the time to see what it meant. To realize how big it was and to act on it. But things happen for a reason, and if Alex and Henry needed more time, then they’d have more time.

Alex started dating Emily, a girl from the psychology department, who was extremely kind and made Alex at ease with dating. Where he used to be worried about being the perfect boyfriend and doing everything right, Emily had helped him accept that no relationship would ever be perfect and that it was okay. That working to build a partnership was more important than not forgetting Valentine’s Day or any other milestone of their relationship. They had been dating a little over six months when Emily had told Alec she was pregnant. Alex’s first reaction had been to freak out, which he thankfully waited for when he got home to start doing.

“Everything okay, love?”

“No. Emily’s pregnant.”

“Sorry?” Henry asked and Alex saw how his eyes opened wide at that.

‘It wasn’t planned or anything but she wants me to think about it and tell her what I want to do. The fuck if I know…”

“What does she want? Did she say?”

“She said she’d like to keep it, but wants my input in it. Says I can be as involved as I want to be, meaning I can also be completely out of the picture.” Alex said and saw Henry look at him, worried. “You know I won’t be able to do that, I couldn’t live with myself having a kid somewhere and not be there for them. I don’t want to become my own father.”

“So, it’s either she doesn’t keep the baby, or you raise the baby together.”

“That’s where we are, yes. She’s still thinking about the whole thing too. I mean, she was supposed to graduate in a year but she might have to push back her graduation because she might not be able to complete all her classes. She wants to talk with the group that was supposed to hire her after school, to see if their offer still stands if she pushes back to the end of year for graduation instead of May.”

“What can I do?” Henry asked and Alex huffed a laugh, feeling way too lost.

“Right now? I could use a hug. Everything else will have to wait.” Alex said and Henry was in his space before he finished talking, hugging him fiercely.

Later that night, Alex went back to the living room, where he found Henry reading.

“Hen?” He asked, his voice soft.

“Yes?”

“If I tell Emily I want the baby… would… I mean, could I… ugh okay listen, I don’t know what’s going to happen between Emily and I, but I think I want the baby but I need to know beforehand that it won’t change anything between us.”

“Of course it’ll change things Alex.” Henry began and Alex almost broke down until he felt his friend hug him. “You’ll be a dad. You’ll have to take care of another human being. But if your question is: will I be there along the way with you? then the answer is yes. Of course I’ll be there with you.”

Alex hugged Henry tighter and the relief he felt in that moment allowed him to make the decision he needed. Everything was going fine for a few weeks, until it all broke down.

Alex entered his house late that night, to find Henry still on the couch, reading. His best friend lifted his head when he heard movement, and instantly put his book down, a look of concern evident on his face.

“Alex, love, are you alright?”

“Not really.” Alex began and before he knew it, tears were running down his face. His breathing quickened and he felt like suffocating.

“Love, come and sit down, you need to breathe. Try and listen to my breathing.” Henry told him and placed Alex’s hand on his chest. Alex was fighting to get his breathing under control, but in the back of his mind, he could hear Henry’s soothing voice, repeating that everything would be fine and that Henry would be here for him no matter what. Slowly, he felt himself easing from the pain and got closer to Henry. “Is it okay if I touch you now?” Henry asked and Alex nodded.

“Emmy doesn’t want the baby anymore.” Alex whispered and he felt Henry stiffen.

“What do you mean she doesn’t want the baby anymore?”

“She told me that we would never be a real family anyway, because she didn’t love me enough to consider building her whole life with me. Which, honestly? Fair. I’m not sure I would have started a family with her either. But the baby is here and we have to do something. She told me I should think about it. She can still abort if she wants to, or more accurately, if I want her to. Because what she offered is basically to get the pregnancy to term, and sign off her parental rights as soon as the baby is born. She doesn’t want to be a mother, at least not right now, and not with me, but she can understand that I might want to have a child and she’s willing to bring my child to life if I want her to. And listen, I am thankful that she’s giving me a choice, because it’s her body so it should be her choice, but she wants to know how I feel about it too. Oh and obviously, we broke up.” Alex ended and let a new wave of tears fall down his cheeks. He felt Henry tighten his grip on his shoulders.

“Maybe you should just try and sleep on it. How much time do you have before she needs a final decision?”

“She told me she’d like to know before the end of the week, so four days.”

“Okay. Then definitely sleep tonight, you have time. Get some rest and maybe make a list? You know how those help you when you need to clear your head. Pros and Cons of being a dad.”

“A single dad.” Alex said, his voice broken.

“You’ll never be alone in this Alex. I’ll be right there with you along the way, no matter what you decide. And you know that if you decide you want to become a dad, your sister, Nora, your parents, they’ll be more than happy to help. Hell, I’m sure Pez and Bea would be ecstatic to give a hand too. But the most important thing you have to decide right now, is if you’re okay being a father.”

After a night of sleep, a phone call to June and Nora and more coffee than reasonable, Alex went to find Emily and told her he’d raise their child. And while she didn’t want to raise the child with Alex, the night had also made her think and she agreed that if the baby wanted to know about their mother at some point, then her door would be open to them. 

And so the longest seven months of Alex’s life began.

Slowly, Alex got accustomed to the idea of raising a child, and started thinking out loud about the future.

“So I was thinking, at least during the first four/five months, that I would keep the crib in my room, because it’ll be easier for night feedings and it should wake you up less.” Alex told Henry one evening. When Henry didn’t answer and Alex saw the look on his face, he asked. “Everything okay?”

“Yes. Yes, I just assumed… I thought that maybe you’d want to have your own place once the baby is born.” Henry told him softly.

“Do you not want me here once the baby is born?” Alex asked, feeling his heart starting to race. “I didn’t think it would change anything, at least at first. But I understand if you’d rather I didn’t stay, a baby is a lot of work, a lot of noise…”

“Alex, love, stop.” Henry told him and got in front of him. “You just surprised me because I thought you wouldn’t want a roommate after having the baby. But if you do, then I’d be happy to make room or even find a new place.”

They smiled at each other and Alex felt something in his chest that he couldn’t explain, so he did what he usually did when this happened: he pushed it aside and went on.

The months went by fast. Emily and Alex went to all the appointments together. Their relationship had gotten better after they separated and they made a great team. It turned out they worked way better as friends than partners. 

One evening, Alex got home and found Henry already in the kitchen, getting dinner ready. Still high on excitement, he went to him and hugged him from behind, feeling the other man tense and relax as soon as he recognized his hugger. Henry turned around and Alex just couldn’t help himself.

“I’m having a girl. Hen, it’s going to be a baby girl.” Alex said and he watched Henry’s smile widen, probably as big as his.

“You wanted a girl.”

“I did. I’m so fucking happy I could just…” Alex wouldn’t be able to explain what happened next, one minute he was talking and the next his lips were on Henry’s. They were gone as fast as they had dropped. But Henry’s stunned expression brought him back to reality. “Sorry, I don’t…” Panic started to bubble until he saw Henry smile.

“It’s okay, don’t worry. You’re happy, I understand.” Henry told him with a shy smile and a lovely blush on his cheeks. Alex hugged him fiercely and they remained in each other’s arms until Alex’s energy levels finally depleted.

When the seventh month came, Alex told Henry he wanted to go shopping to prepare for the baby’s arrival. When Henry offered to tag along, Alex’s smile grew tenfold. The store was huge and Alex suddenly was even more glad for Henry, because alone this would have led to some big anxiety.

“Have you thought about what you want to buy today?” Henry asked him.

“Not really. I figured I could take a look at cribs and strollers? and maybe one of the kangaroo pooch that you put on yourself to walk with the baby?”

“Crib and stroller are a good idea, you’ll need those first. And I do agree on the carrier, but do you think size matters?” Henry asked and Alex couldn’t help the smirk on his face. Before he could say anything though, Henry rolled his eyes and huffed playfully. “Get your mind out of the gutter for a minute. I’m just saying you’re quite tall and built so you might want to check if they offer various sizes.”

“We don’t, technically, though if you opt for a scarf, then it would be perfectly adaptable to your partner’s size, or yours for that matter.” A voice cut in and both men turned to find a lovely young woman smiling at them. “Sorry I overheard you talk. My name is Carla and I would be happy to help you both if you have any questions.”

“Thank you Carla. I’m Alex, this is Henry. And we have tons of questions.”

“Let me guess: it’s your first baby?”

“Yes it is.”

“Lovely. How soon are you guys expecting the baby to be born?” Carla asked, and Alex knew he should say something to clear up the situation that they weren’t having the baby together but somehow it didn’t matter.

“In two months. It’s a baby girl.” Alex couldn’t help but add.

“Congratulations. Welcoming a baby is such a wonderful adventure. I’m happy to help today, what are you looking for?”

“We need a crib and a stroller for sure. And maybe if you could show us some of those scarves you mentioned before?” Alex asked and Carla showed them the way towards another part of the store.

Henry hadn’t said a word and Alex could see the tension in his shoulders so when they walked, Alex made sure to place his hand on Henry’s back, to try and diffuse the tension. It did not work as well as he had hoped but the difference was still there.

They walked through the store to the crib corner. Alex saw the one he wanted from afar but was thrilled to see Henry navigate next to it as soon as they arrived. When his friend lifted his head, Alex just smiled at him.

“Agreed.” Alex simply said and Carla laughed.

“I love people who know what they want and agree so easily. Are you picking things up or do you want us to deliver?”

“Delivery would be best.”

“Okay, then we’ll go to the desk after we’ve made our selection.”

They went to the strollers next and Alex didn’t even know what to look for. Carla helped him through the first notions and then motioned them towards specific ones that would probably fit them best.

“Those ones have higher handles. Seeing as you are both tall, I think it’s a good idea to plan for that. Give it a turn, try it out.” Carla said and pushed the stroller next to Henry, who looked at Alex uncertainly.

“Give it a try, sweetheart. Unless you don’t plan on ever taking her out.”

“You know I do.”

“Then it’s okay, Hen.”

Alex watched Henry turn the stroller around, and his heart skipped a beat. Objectively, he knew Henry was hot. It was a fact, he didn’t need any pointers to realize that. But seeing him like this? it probably was the hottest Alex had ever seen him look.

They chose a stroller with neutral tones, as Carla pointed out, very cleverly, that it didn’t really matter for the baby if the stroller was blue or pink and that color theory was a stupid concept anyway.

Next was the scarf. They found a few that looked sturdy and comfortable. Carla then suggested they try it on, to see the fit and everything. Alex tried putting it on on his own, only to turn to Henry, eyes pleading.

“What would you do without me, love?” Henry asked him playfully.

“I’d be lost, obviously.” Alex answered, the truth of his own words making him stumble a bit.

They then switched roles trying it on and added two to the list of things they’d get delivered soon. Carla also suggested they might want to look into basic things, like bottles and changing tables, which neither Alex nor Henry had thought of. After a good four hours in the store, they went to the register to ring everything up. Alex paid the bill and scheduled the delivery. As they were about to leave, Carla thanked them and smiled at them.

“You know, I see a lot of parents to be in my store. You guys are ready. It’s obvious. You’ll make wonderful parents. I sincerely wish you much happiness and feel free to drop by when little one is here, or if you need anything else.”

They exited the store and walked back to their apartment. Alex was still thinking about his purchase, until he noticed Henry being quiet next to him.

“Everything okay, Hen?”

“Yes.” Henry began but his voice sounded rough. He cleared his throat and went on. “Yes. Just… You didn’t correct her. Carla? When she assumed we’d be having the baby together.”

“Did it bother you? I’m sorry, I didn’t think anything of it. We’ll be living together and the baby will be with us, so you’ll be part of her life.”

“True. But she thought we were together.”

“She probably did, yes.” Alex said and didn’t extrapolate, for several reasons.

First, he didn’t really want to have that talk in the middle of the street. Second, he didn’t particularly like the angst in Henry’s voice. And third… well third made his head spin because somehow, it had felt great to be considered as both parents. Not that he would tell Henry that, especially with how his friend was looking at him. They finished their walk silently and when they arrived home, Alex shut the door and looked at Henry.

“I’m sorry if it made you uncomfortable Henry. I will correct people who assume we’re raising my daughter together now. I honestly didn’t think anything of it, but I can understand if you want me to be clear about it.”

“Don’t worry about it Alex. I was just surprised. And you’ll find it harder to date if people think we’re together.” Henry mumbled the last sentence and Alex felt his jaw drop.

“Honestly, I don’t see myself dating for the next three years. I’ll have a baby to take care of, on my own, plus my studies. I’m already a lot on my own but as a single dad? believe me, people won’t be lining up to date me.” Alex said and smiled sadly at Henry. “I’m dead on my feet, I’m going to head to bed early. Emmy and I have an appointment in the morning for the baby anyway. Good night.”

Alex left the room without waiting for an answer. When he got up the following morning, his mood hadn’t improved much. He arrived at the appointment to find Emily already waiting outside.

“Morning sunshine.” She laughed and handed him a cup of coffee. “I assumed you’d like that.”

“Thanks Emmy.” He grabbed the cup and emptied it by a third before putting it back down.

“What crawled up your butt today?”

“Henry and I went shopping yesterday, for the baby.”

“Okay?”

“He was pissed because I didn’t correct the woman who helped us when she thought we were having the baby together.”

“Well, you’re not.”

“I know. But it’s not like it mattered anyway. And then he went on with how it’ll be hard to date if I don’t correct people, like I plan on dating now… I won’t have time. The baby will take a lot and don’t get me wrong, I’m super excited about it all, but I will have my studies and I can’t even bring myself to think of dating.” Alex said in one big breath, and saw Emily watch him perplexed. “I know you want to say something, I know that look. What is it?”

“Have you thought that maybe you didn’t correct that woman because you liked the idea of having a child with Henry?”

“He’s going to be there with me the whole time, he kind of feels like the second parent in that scheme.”

“But he’s not though. I mean, yes he’ll be living with you and all, but it’s not the same.” Emily told Alex and his brain reminded him of several occurrences, examples of times when Alex had wondered what if… “Can I ask you something?”

“You’re carrying my child Emmy, I think you’re past asking for permission.”

“When I told you I was pregnant, you told me you needed to think. What is the first thing you did?”

“I went home.” Alex answered.

“Why?”

“Because I needed Henry.”

“And when we learned you’d be having a baby girl, who did you tell first?” Emmy’s voice was soft, and Alex knew she used that one when she was trying to get people to perceive what she had seen and they yet hadn’t.

“Henry.” 

“Not your mom? not your sister?”

“No, Henry is my best friend. I share everything with him.”

“Is that all he is though?” Emmy asked and Alex couldn’t answer. “Do you know that the first time we met, you talked about Henry so much that I thought to myself this guy was lucky to have a boyfriend like you. Until I realized that you were not together and I couldn’t believe it. I’m not telling you this to make you feel guilty or anything, I cherish you both dearly, but I think part of why you never tried to convince me to stay together is because your heart already belongs to someone.”

“Emmy…” Alex began but he could feel tears rushing to eyes. He heard their name being called for the exam and stood up, giving his brain some time to process everything Emily had just told him.

The thumping in his ears remained throughout the whole exam. He heard the words “great”, “ready to be born” and “c-section” but he couldn’t focus on anything with the cogs turning in his head. They left the room and once outside, Alex felt a hand on his arm. He turned his head to see Emily look at him worriedly.

“I’m sorry Alex, I shouldn’t have said anything. I thought you knew.”

“Knew that I was in love with my best friend? Yes I understand why you thought I’d know…” The mirthless laugh that followed his sentence made his heart break a little.

“Maybe you should try and talk with him?”

“I don’t know Emmy. I can’t… I have to think of the baby first. Everything else will have to wait.”

“I understand. But Alex, he’s going to be there every step of the way. Maybe it’s worth trying if he could be there with you every step of the way, and not just on the outskirts.”

“I don’t know.”

“It’s okay. Again, I apologize, I didn’t mean to create turmoil.”

“It’s all good. I probably should have seen it anyway.” Alex told her, his brain suddenly remembering something he heard. “Oh, did I hear the doc say something about a c-section?”

“Yes. I figured you wouldn’t mind me giving birth that way. It’s just… I’d rather have it planned so I know when and how. I’m not having second thoughts or anything, I know you’ll make a wonderful dad and I’m not ready to  be a mother, but she still grew inside of me you know?”

“Emmy… we haven’t talked about it but it’s because I didn’t know you felt that way.”

“I didn’t know either. But with the birth coming soon, I’m realizing I’m going to have to let her go. And again, I’m thrilled to bring a human in this world with you, because I firmly believe you are an amazing human, Alex Claremont-Diaz.”

“You’ll always be welcome in her life Emmy. I know you don’t want to be a mother, just yet, with me, or anything else, but there will always be room for you in her life if you choose to have one.”

“Thanks Alex. I don’t know.”

“It’s okay. It doesn’t have to be now. When is the c-section planned for?”

“I wanted to discuss it with you, find a date that fits both our schedules?”

“I love you when you talk to me like that Em.” Alex told her, making them both laugh. “I’ll send you my calendar for the next few weeks. Match it with yours, and let me know which date you decide on.”

“I will.” Emily said and after a breath, went on. “And Alex? Please think about what I told you. Don’t waste your chance on happiness because you’re scared. For what it’s worth, I’m sure that man is as in love with you as you are with him, if not more.”

Alex watched Emily leave after hugging him, her words ringing in his ears. So many memories or thoughts were coming back to his brain. part of him was laughing at the visual, imagining himself as Professor X in the Cerebro with all the dots and links and somehow, he couldn’t believe he had never seen it. Henry meant the world to him. But it was more than that. He needed Henry in his life. Like he needed air. He was the first one he wanted to tell things to. The one he wanted to share things with. The one he went to for comfort. The one he wanted to hold and be held by. Fuck, how could he have been so blind?!

He arrived back home that night to find Henry in the kitchen. He chuckled and the sound made Henry turn over. He smiled at Alex and something in Alex’s chest burned.

“Hi love. How was the appointment?”

“Good. Baby’s healthy. Emmy’s fine. We’re going to look for a date for the c-section.”

“It’s getting real, isn’t it?”

“Fuck, tell me about it.”

“I’ve made dinner. I figured you’d appreciate doing nothing tonight.” Henry told him matter of factly, but after the brewing afternoon Alex had, it brought tears to his eyes, which of course Henry saw instantly. “Are you okay, love?”

“I’m huh… Yes, I guess I’m tired. I should… is it okay if I go shower before we eat?” Alex asked, suddenly unsure of his own words.

“Of course it is. Is there anything I can do?” Henry asked and Alex saw the concern in his eyes, bringing a new wave of want.

“I could use a hug.” Alex told him shyly, and barely had time to finish before he was engulfed in Henry’s arms.

“Take your time, love. I can always reheat the food. Just relax.”

Alex left Henry in their kitchen, the lump in his throat even more palpable than before. How was he supposed to go on like nothing now that he knew how he felt. How was he supposed to go shower when his best friend was looking at him worryingly and taking care of him like he was the most precious person in the world.

Alex discarded his clothes and hopped under the scorching hot spray of water. Barely there, the tears started running freely on his cheeks, until he was sobbing uncontrollably. He had no idea how long he stayed like this, until he heard a knock on the door.

“Alex? Are you alright?” Henry asked, bringing a new wave of tears and sobs. “Love, you’re scaring me. I can hear you breathing from here.” The concern made Alex’s sobs amplify, until all he could hear was ringing in his ears. His heart was pounding in his chest, he could feel the water rolling on him, droplets hitting his skin and leaving trails that felt like slashes opening his back and arms. Until it all stopped. Suddenly, he felt warm and safe. When he came back to himself, he realized he was on the floor, water off, a towel wrapped around his shoulders, his best friend sitting on the floor next to the shower, breathing loud enough for Alex to hear and match. When he got his breathing under control and his eyes could focus better, he noticed Henry looking at him.

“Is it safe and okay for me to touch you now?” Henry asked him and Alex could only nod.

Henry got into the shower stall with him and sat next to him, wrapping his arms around Alex and bringing his head on his shoulder, Henry’s fingers absentmindedly playing in Alex’s drenched hair.

“I’m sorry.” Alex whispered.

“What are you apologizing for?” There was no heat in Henry’s voice, only concern.

“I’m such a mess.”

“Alex… love, you’re going through so much right now. You’re allowed to break down. I just wish you’d tell me when you feel it coming, so I can be there for you. Or call someone you’re comfortable sharing those moments with if you don’t feel like you can share them with me.” Henry told him and Alex’s hands grabbed him to keep him in place.

“Please don’t leave me.” Alex told Henry, his voice broken.

“Never, love.” Henry answered in a second. “Why would you even think that? You are such an important part of my life, you’d have to throw me out of your life for me to go away. And even then, I’d probably fight you with all I have.” Henry told him and hugged him tighter. 

Alex felt a new wave of tears come to his eyes but somehow it didn’t feel as consuming as it did a little while ago, because Henry was holding him against his own body and Alex felt safe. He didn’t even realize that his face had turned and was secured in Henry’s neck until he heard the gasp of his best friend above him. He realized two things at that moment: Henry’s skin on his neck was so soft, and the reason why he knew this was because he had just kissed it. His lips were still close to Henry’s skin, Henry who hadn’t moved an inch after Alex’s impromptu kiss. 

So instead of talking about it like he should, Alex did something else. He applied his lips on Henry’s skin once more, this time more conscious of it all. He registered the moment Henry tensed and waited a bit, hoping that it would get better but when his friend didn’t relax, Alex detached himself from Henry and looked at him. 

Henry’s eyes were screwed shut, his breathing coming in puffs and the tension in his jaw made his bone structure even more prominent. Alex lifted his hand and placed it on Henry’s jaw, angling his face so that they’d be looking at each other if Henry’s eyes were opened.

“Hen?” Alex asked softly and Henry opened his eyes.

“Please, Alex.” Henry’s voice was pleading, but Alex had no idea what he was pleading for.

“Please what?”

“Please don’t.” Henry whispered and Alex felt like a bucket of cold water was toppled on his head. He detached himself from Henry like he’d been burned, holding his knees to his chest.

“I’m sorry.”

“Can you get out of the shower on your own?” Henry asked him, hands at his side.

“You’re gonna leave, aren’t you?” Alex asked him, pained.

“I’m just going to the kitchen, love. You need water and I need to get changed anyway, I’m drenched. But it looks like the panic attack is over, so you can finish showering if you didn’t have time, get dressed and then meet me up in the kitchen once you’re done.”

Alex watched Henry get up. Before he left the room, he turned to Alex and smiled, even if it wasn’t one of his full smiles, it was still better than nothing. Alex got up, showered quickly and once he was wearing comfortable clothes, he got to the kitchen, to find Henry already there, a glass of water on the counter and once in hand.

“This one’s for you, love. Drink it.” Henry told him, giving him the glass he had in hand.

“Thanks.” Alex grabbed the glass and drank it in full. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.”

“I have to. You had to tell me to stop Heny.”

“And you did. No harm done.” Henry smiled at Alex, but Alex could see it was taxing him.

“Can we talk?”

“Sure, what about?”

“Emmy mentioned something earlier. And it’s been on my mind ever since and I don’t know how to deal with the immensity of it.”

“Is the baby okay?” Henry asked him and Alex felt his heart expand with how much his best friend already loved his unborn child.

“She is, yes. It doesn’t have to do with the baby.”

“God, you scared me for a second.”

“I love how you love her already.” Alex told Henry softly.

“How could I not? She’s a part of you.” Henry whispered back and Alex saw a faint blush dust Henry’s cheeks.

“Maybe at some point, we can talk names together? I know Emily doesn’t want to give her her name, I guess it feels too much like a parent thing to do for her.” Alex told him and saw Henry’s eyes widen.

“Do you… huh… do you already have ideas? I can of course listen and let you brainstorm.”

“No, Hen, I want your input. I want to know what you think and if you have names you like and stuff.”

“Alex… she’s your daughter.” Henry told him, as if it made any sense.

“And you’ll be here all along with us, won’t you?”

“Of course I will.”

“Then maybe you can get involved in everything? Just like when we went shopping?” Alex said. When Henry didn’t answer, Alex looked at him and saw the confused look on his face. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.” Henry’s voice was hoarse but Alex didn’t want to stop. Maybe Emmy was right and they needed to get to the bottom of that before the baby was there, to avoid any drama after the birth should drama arise.

“Why did you ask me not to kiss you?” Henry’s head whipped up at the question, and his eyes settled on Alex’s.

“Alex, please.”

“Please what, Hen?”

“I can’t. You’re… you have so much going on lately. I can’t add to that. But I can’t just be a way to cool off or distract yourself. I… I care too much for that.”

“What do you mean?” Alex asked.

“Just… I can’t be a one time thing and move on. It would hurt. Too much.”

“Why?”

“Please Alex, don’t make me say it.” Henry whispered and Alex got closer to him. “We’re both tired, I’m going to head to bed. Have a good night, love.” Henry said and began to leave.

“Have you ever noticed how you don’t call anyone else “love”?” Alex said, not certain Henry could still hear him when he spoke, as his back was to the door. So he turned around and saw that Henry had stopped in his tracks. “I asked you once about it, and you said it was a very British thing to do.”

No answer.

“But Nora noticed that, while it might be a British thing, you don’t use that specific word for anybody but me.”

“Do you want me to stop?” Henry asked, his back still to Alex and Alex hated instantly the way Henry’s shoulders slumped.

“No. I really don’t. I love it when you call me “love”, it makes me feel special.”

“You are. Special, that is.”Henry told him, after turning around. Alex didn’t like the way Henry’s eyes looked, filled with fear and something else that looked akin to regret.

“Henry, why just me?” Alex asked. Henry was looking paler by the minute and shaking his head. 

“I can’t, Alex.” Henry told him and left the room, leaving Alex alone with his empty glass of water.

Once in his bedroom, Alex replayed the day in his head and came to the conclusion that Emily was right. First, he was definitely in love with his best friend. Second, he needed to have an actual talk with said best friend about their relationship, and this had to happen before baby girl was here, because once she would, then Alex wouldn’t have the capacity to handle heartbreak on top of being a single parent. And third, if Emmy was right, then he would never have to be a single parent. He needed a plan. So instead of going to sleep, he made lists. And when morning came, he had his plan ready. He got downstairs and began preparing breakfast. Henry entered the kitchen twenty minutes later, a confused look on his face.

“Morning, sweetheart.” Alex said , flashing his best smile. “Did you sleep well?”

“Not really. What’s happening?”

“I’m making breakfast.”

“Why?”

“Can’t I spoil you?” Alex asked and got back to his task. “Tea is ready in a minute, do you want anything special in your eggs?”

“No, thank you.”

“I’ve made mine with spice, but you can give it a try if you want.” Alex said and pushed his plate in front of Henry before placing Henry’s eggs on his plate and bringing him his tea.

They began breakfast in silence, Alex giving Henry some time to digest everything, both figuratively and literally. Every so often, he saw Henry look at him, puzzled, but as soon as Alex’s eyes met his, Henry would look back down. 

“Do you want more eggs? Another tea?”

“No, I’m good, thank you, love, it was a nice surprise.”

“Cool.” Alex answered and began cleaning out.

“Can I do anything to help?”

“You’re good. Just stay seated and look pretty.” Alex joked and thrived in the blush blooming on Henry’s cheeks. “Though you can stand up and look pretty I guess. Doesn’t really matter which position you’re in, you’ll be pretty anyway.” Alex said matter-of-factly and went on to cleaning. “I was thinking maybe today we could discuss names for baby girl? Emmy sent me a message earlier, she wants to have the c-section in exactly six weeks, so I figured we might as well start working on it? And maybe do a little more shopping if you’re up for it?” Alex said and waited for Henry to answer, as patiently as he could.

“Hm, yes, sure.”

“Cool, let’s move this to the couch then.” Alex told him and grabbed Henry’s hand to lead him to their living room. If Henry tensed at the contact, Alex didn’t feel it so he considered it as a win. “I’ve made lists anyway.”

“Of course you have, love.” Henry chuckled and Alex felt himself relax a little.

“Hey! no dissing the list, it’s a proven method.”

“I’m not dissing, it’s just such a you thing to do.”

“Yeah well, I am who I am.” Alex shrugged.

“What do you have so far?”

“I’ve narrowed it down to a few for the first name. I already have the second one. And I’m not going above two, it’ll already be two first and two last names, I think that’s enough.”

“You already have the second but not the first?”

“Yup.” Alex sat down on the couch and grabbed his sheet of paper. “So, for the first name, I have: Sofia, Isabella, Valentina, Gabriela and Victoria.”

“Do you have a preference?” Henry asked him.

“I do. But I want to hear your thoughts. And suggestions if you have any?”

“I love most of those names too.” Henry said but when he didn’t elaborate, Alex smiled at him and nudged his leg.

“Don’t be shy, sweetheart, tell me. I can’t decide if you hate them all and want to be polite or if you just don’t want to say.”

“I truly love them.”

“And do you have a favorite one? Because I have.” Alex said.

“I do too. And I have the feeling you won’t let go until I tell you so… Victoria. I love Victoria.” Henry told him and Alex just looked at Henry, probably looking as lovestruck as he was feeling.

“That’s my favorite too. I guess Victoria is a winner.”

“And you said you already have a second name?”

“Yes. Baby girl will be Victoria James Claremont-Diaz.” Alex smiled at Henry and waited.

“James?”

“The thing is, none of your names translate well to Spanish, so I had to improvise. And I like it, it’s a strong name.” Alex told Henry and waited. And waited some more while watching his friend open and close his mouth without a sound coming out.

“But…” Henry looked at a loss for words and Alex was smiling internally with how cute his friend looked, trying to solve the problem on his own.

“Are you honestly that surprised that I’d want her to have a part of you?” Alex asked.

Yes!” Henry exclaimed, and looked at Alex like he had grown two heads. Alex got closer to Henry and took his hands in his.

“Sweetheart, look at me. You are a part of my life. You matter to me. I love you.” Alex told him and he wanted to say more, to explain, but he found himself wrapped in Henry’s arms before he could.

“Alex… I…” Alex could feel dampness in his neck and Henry’s shoulder shake with silent tears so he hugged Henry back as fiercely as he could. “I… you matter to me too, so so much. I lo…” Henry began and a fresh wave of tears made themselves known.

“I know sweetheart, I know. You don’t have to say it back. I know.”

“I want to. God, I want to, so much.” Henry told him and put some distance between them so Alex was face to face with his best friend. “I haven’t said those words out loud in years, because the last person I said it to was my dad on the last day I saw him. And I know it’s stupid, but I’m afraid. I worry that if I say something, then you’ll get taken away from me too and I can’t risk it. I can’t lose you.” 

Alex watched his friend crumble in front of him. He knew Henry didn’t tell people he loved them, he had no idea why though. Thinking of it, he had never heard Henry say it to anyone, not even his family. But it all made sense now. 

“It’s not stupid, sweetheart. You were a child when you lost your dad. Fears don’t have to have an explanation, but yours makes so much sense. And I know me telling you this won’t change how you feel, but you will never lose me. I’m serious Henry. I will always be there for you. In whichever form you want me to be.” Alex said, hoping Henry would catch his unspoken words.

Softly, Alex let his hand wander on the expanse of Henry’s back, drawing small circles up and down, until he could feel his friend relax and sluggishly fall onto him, exhaustion clear in his posture. They remained that way a little while longer, until Alex offered for them to go sit down.

“I know it’s morning and we just had breakfast but what do you say we go stay on the couch for a while? We can watch whichever rerun of British BakeOff you want.”

“Don’t you have things to do today?” Henry asked him in a low voice.

“I do. I need to take care of you, sweetheart. Now, in a few months, you’ll have to share me with another human but I’m sure we’ll make it work. She’ll be so small, she’ll fit with us on the couch easily.” Alex joked and was happy to see Henry chuckle. “Come on.” He said, linking his fingers with Henry and taking him to the couch.

They plopped down, Alex grabbing the remote to turn on the tv. He felt Henry’s hand start to withdraw so he squeezed his own fingers, not turning his head until he could feel Henry’s eyes bore into his face and yet not letting go of his hand.

“Anything specific you wanna watch?” Alex asked him, never turning to look at Henry.

“I… I don’t know.” Henry stammered and Alex finally turned his head over.

“Everything okay, sweetheart?”

“I don’t know.” Henry said again and Alex waited patiently for him to find his words. “I’m not sure how I’m feeling right now.”

“Can I do anything to help?” Alex asked him genuinely, smiling softly at Henry, and hoping to convey how much he meant to him with just his smile.

“I feel like I’m repeating myself a lot but I don’t know. I guess I’m still processing that you want to name your daughter with one of my names.” Henry whispered.

“Hen, I’ve been telling you I love you since I was ten years old.”

“But you tell June you love her every time you speak to her, and Nora too, I’ve even heard you say it to Pez, but somehow, I’m the only one…” Henry left his sentence unfinished.

“But that’s because I don’t love any of them the way I love you, sweetheart.” Alex told him, his eyes never wavering under the weight of Henry’s.

Henry nodded and turned his head back to the screen. Part of Alex had hoped for Henry to probe and ask for more. But the other part of him realized how unfair it was, to ask Henry to be the one to take the plunge for them both when Alex was the one behaving differently. He kept their hands firmly locked together and turned his own head back to the screen.

From time to time, he could feel Henry’s hand twitch in his, and the urge to bring it to his mouth to drop a kiss on it was almost overwhelming. Instead, he settled on rubbing circles on it with his thumb, and he could have sworn he heard Henry whimper. They slowly gravitated towards one another, until there was no space left between their bodies, touching from shoulder to ankle, with their hands on Alex’s thigh. They remained on the couch for what felt like hours to Alex, until Henry straightened a bit.

“Didn’t you say you wanted to do some more shopping today?” Henry asked him.

“Yeah. I kinda want to grab some stuff for my room, to make a corner for baby girl. Like stickers and stuff, you know?”

“Do you want to go before lunch? Then we can grab something to bring back home?” Henry offered.

They met up a few minutes later, ready to face the outside and go shopping. Alex felt both excited and nervous at the prospect of their day, and decided that no matter what happened, he would talk to Henry before the end of it. He desperately needed to know how to behave because ever since Emily had opened his eyes, it was becoming harder and harder to not act differently.

They went to the same store they went to the first time and the same girl, Carla, was there to help them. Alex didn’t need much that time around, it was mostly to decorate the room so he didn’t specifically need help but he was glad to have Carla to talk to inside the store, get her opinion on things.

“Okay, so I am definitely getting some of those bottles, and the pacifiers that go with them. After this, I’m looking for furniture and decorations to put in the room.”

“Do you have a place where you plan to feed the baby? Like a rocking chair or something?” Carla asked.

“No, we don’t. The room isn’t that big so I think the couch will have to do.”

“We can always put a chair in the corner of the living room.” Henry said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I mean, you don’t have to, I understand why the bedroom would feel more comfortable, but it could be nice to have a chair in the living room for that purpose. No need to go back to the bedroom once the bottle is ready.” Henry went on.

“Also, it means that only the one of you who wakes up to make the baby eat will be awake. If you put the chair in your bedroom, then the other one will probably be awake too.” Carla offered, and Alex watched the color he knew would come blossom on Henry’s face.

“Then we definitely need a chair in the living room.” Alex said.

“Let’s go then, we have a few that I think would be perfect for you guys.”

They ordered a wooden chair, in a deep oak color, with the top of the chair decorated with golden stars. After this shopping trip, Alex felt a lot lighter on everything he needed for Victoria and somehow, it helped him feel more relaxed about his evening and the plan he wanted to follow. He and Henry grabbed falafels on their way back home for dinner. They sat in the living room and Alex turned to smile at Henry.

“Do you realize that in a few weeks, we’ll have a chair in that corner and a baby with us?” Alex asked.

“It will be a big change for sure.” Henry answered and Alex didn’t like how superficial he remained.

“Hen, you know it’s not too late if you want to change your mind. I can find a new place to live so you can have the whole place to yourself. I know you don’t like big changes, I won’t be offended or anything.” Alex said and while it was true that he wouldn’t be offended, he would still be extremely hurt.

“No, love. I can’t wait to meet Victoria. And I… I can’t wait to share that with you.” Henry told Alex, giving him the courage he needed to aim for his dreams.

“Listen Henry, there’s something I want to talk to you about. Could we move to the couch?”

“Of course.”

“First, I need you to promise me that it won’t change anything. That whatever I’m about to tell you won’t change the fact that you’re my best friend. I know I’m asking for a lot but I can’t… I need to know that you will still be there, no matter what.”

“I don’t think there is a single thing you could tell me that would make me go away. You can tell me anything, love, I promise.” Henry told him and Alex nodded. He took a deep breath and began.

“I honestly don't even know where to start. I can’t believe I didn’t realize sooner - or on my own for that matter - that you are the most important person in my life. We’ve been friends for so long, and when we moved in together, it felt so natural to share everything with you. But what I failed to realize was that it had always been more.” Alex stopped and took a deep breath, readying himself for the plunge. “You are the first person I always want to talk to about whatever is happening in my life. When I’m feeling good, I want to share that with you. When I’m feeling down, you’re the one I go to for comfort. Emmy opened my eyes on all of this and I’m grateful because she probably sped up the process that would have taken place at a later date and I need to… I mean, I won’t have the capacity to deal with everything once baby girl is here, and I’d much rather rip the band aid now.” Alex looked at Henry, who was looking right back at him, eyes wide and eyebrows raised, but too stunned to say anything, so Alex went on. “I’ve been telling you I love you for years, but it will have taken me way too long to realize that the love I have for you is like no other. I love you as in I want to spoil you rotten. I love you as in I want you to be the first and last person I talk to every day. I love you as in I am in love with you. And I think I have fallen even more since I learned I was going to be a father. You’ve helped me along the way, held my hand both literally and figuratively, whenever I needed comfort or reassurance, or just wanted to plan my future. You’ve opened your heart to my unborn daughter like she was yours and yet you don’t get why I want her to carry one of your names. I asked you to promise not to let it change anything because I still have time to… what I mean is I can keep my feelings for myself and still be the friend you need. If that’s what you want. But when I think about my future, there’s only one certainty: you’re it, sweetheart. The shape you take will depend on what you want but no matter what, you will always be a part of it.” Alex nodded, more to himself than anything else, and waited.

His head had fallen a bit while talking, because maintaining eye contact with Henry had proven too difficult. Alex had never felt so raw in his life before. He had never shed more skin than he had in that moment and he really hoped for the best outcome. He would respect Henry’s decision no matter what, but he would like not having to deal with heartbreak just a few weeks before becoming a dad. When Henry didn’t say anything, Alex took it as a negative answer and decided to go on.

“I guess I’m only asking that you give me a little time to process. I’m sorry if I’ve made things weird between us. And please, please, promise me it won’t change anything. I can’t…” Alex felt his throat close around the words.

“Of course it changes things. Alex, love, it changes everything.” Henry began and Alex felt his anxiety spiking up. 

The worry of having ruined his friendship made his head spin, and he couldn’t bring himself to lift his head and look at Henry as he was about to break his heart. Alex was internally debating whether he should have said anything when he heard Henry speak again.

“Love, can you look at me?” His voice was soft and Alex had never been able to resist that voice, so he lifted his head. The tears he saw in the corner of Henry’s eyes made him want to reach out and cup his cheeks, but he wasn’t certain how it would be received, now that his friend knew about his feelings. “I need you to listen very carefully to me, because I know your brain is already going  hundred miles per hour and I need you to slow down and actually listen. You are the most important person in my life. I never thought I would be lucky enough to keep you with me for so long. And yet here we are.” Henry began and took a deep breath, smiling softly at Alex. “That’s also why I’m going to tell you that if you really feel that way, then we can discuss it again later, when the baby is born and we are settled in our lives. For the same reason why I didn’t want more with you the other night, I am afraid that the current situation is making you act differently than you would. You told me Emily was the one to help you realize all that you felt, and while I am grateful that she did, part of me wonders if you would ever have crossed that bridge on your own and if somehow, I’m not only better than nothing. I have cared for you in a way so intense for so many years that I can’t risk everything either. And just like you, I would rather have you as a friend than not have you in my life. I never want you to regret taking that step with me, if we ever do, because love I’m going to be honest, you’re it for me too. And I know it sounds counterproductive when you put it that way, but if we’ve been in love with each other for so long, what are a few more months?”