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Who dares awaken me from my peaceful slumber which I so need 18 hours of and is totally not detrimental to my own health?
Oh it's just him again.
"Hey Sunny, so I uhhhh, noticed the 'FOR SALE' sign in front of your house, and I errrrr... heard from my mom that you were moving away soon..."
...
"I was wondering... If you wanted to hang out one more time before you go... or whatever... for old time's sake, y'know?"
...
I guess he's right...
...
So I must woefully leave behind my top-tier meal of microwaved steak to open for Kel. So be it.
_______
"Woah, you actually opened the door... I'll be honest with you, I don't have a game plan today, totally did not expect you to open up."
Bruh.
Kel's 7 braincells dig through his pebblebrain to find a gameplan. this results in the two standing at the doorstep, awkwardly staring at each other, for a solid 8 minutes.
Then, his 4 remaining braincells return with critical information after fighting a war equivalent to the Vietnam war.
"...Hey, how about we head to Hobbeez?"
I try to speak to agree, but turns out 4 years of a steak-based diet and borderline scurvy along with not using your voice causes problems. Surprisingly. And now I can't use my voice. Shocker. So instead, I nod my head.
"Great! Come along!"
_______
How did we get here?
I thought we were at Hobbez's like 20 minutes ago!
" THE TWO OF YOU AGAINST ME! HOW'S THAT SOUND?"
What do you mean the two of us? I didn't agree to this.
Kel picks up his basketball. From somewhere. Probably had it in his head in place of a brain. Why would you fight someone with a NAIL FUCKING BAT???
Kel throws his basketball and it hits Aubrey right in the face. It rebounds and he catches it nicely.
Basil is fucking terrified.
Aubrey is busy doing fighting stuff without using her nailbat.
I search my pockets to see if I can save my life with something.
...
Oh a knife.
...
On second thought.
I didn't even agree to fight.
This is scary. I wanna go back to Headspace. Auby is scary here.
_______
SUNNY'S wish is granted instantly as he flops, making a thud sound as he plants himself headfirst into the grass and snores.
KEL looks to the source of the noise and sees his friend knocked out, snoring.
AUBREY stops in her tracks, stopping her fist from connecting with KEL'S face, and looks to his left to see SUNNY sleeping spontaneously.
BASIL and THE HOOLIGANS are just thoroughly confused as they watch AUBREY and KEL practically truce instantly to look at whatever SUNNY is doing.
SUNNY is doing the hikikomori route, but he forgets that grass isn't a bed.
KEL is trying desperately not to lose his friend to a (speculated) spontaneous heart attack.
AUBREY is telling KEL is SUNNY is just asleep.
BASIL has rebooted for the 17th time.
THE HOOLIGANS are watching their leader try to console her enemy over a not-death as KIM joins in the fray to attempt to help AUBREY.
SUNNY is fucking around in Headspace and wondering why it's having a fucking earthquake of a 80.0 magnitude. (spoiler alert, KEL is trying to shake him awake like the ADHD gorilla he is)
KEL slaps SUNNY awake.
AUBREY tells KEL that he is an idiot and should've done that from the start.
SUNNY is just in a daze and wondering why Headspace has normal colours.
AUBREY and KEL are trying to confirm that SUNNY is not in fact having a spontaneous heart attack and have completely forgotten their conflict.
BASIL has shut down to prevent overheating.
KIM is just fumbling around trying to stop pandemonium. (spoiler alert #2, it didn't work.)
THE HOOLIGANS stop common sensing and join in the overreacting.
SUNNY decides to move this story back to his POV.
______
I wanna go back to headspaceeeeeee
What is everyone worried about? It's not like I'm a malnourished 16 year-old that looks half-dead and just collapsed out of nowhere.
.
..
...
....
.....
oh.
Right.
I am.
POV switch again please.
_______
Mmm... love my coffe-
OH SHI-
okay.
SUNNY has just realised what the fuck he's just done and it all starts going to shit. AUBREY and KEL are worrying after SUNNY in such unison that they're like lifelong friends, leaving no space for THE HOOLIGANS.
"BRO YOU OKAY ARE YOU DEAD ARE YOU A SPIRIT NOW OH SHIT AM I GETTING HAUNTED IM SORRY I DIDNT STOP YOUR HEART ATTACK"
SUNNY is hyperventilating at the revelation that he just had a heart attack.
"KEL YOU FUCKING IDIOT HE'S STILL ALIVE"
AUBREY is trying to pacify SUNNY. It works to a certain extent.
Meanwhile, BASIL just wants to head to Mt.Ebott and end it all, but he's not in Undertale.
THE HOOLIGANS have given up trying to matter in this situation.
KIM finishes pacifying SUNNY with a piece of taffy. yay.
SUNNY, being the bastard he is, asks for a POV switch.
_______
So I wasn't having a heart attack. Phew. It's not my time to die. I'm gonna fucking live forever.
"By the way, Sunny... you look awfully malnourished. Have you been eating...?"
oh shit aubrey asked the forbidden question.
I try to answer using my voice. It fails miserably. Violent coughing included.
Kel pats my back. I wave to him to tell him I'm ok.
"So, Sunny, can you answer my question? Have you been eating well?"
"Aubrey, I don't think he can speak."
"Oh. Okay. That's not a good sign.
...
Okay, when was the last time you ate?"
This week... Nope, all sleep. No groceries.
Last week? Also all sleep... Oh, right. Mom's groceries ran out last Monday. Today should be Monday. So...
I raise two fingers.
"Two days?"
I shake my head. Aubrey seems to get slightly anxious.
"You can't mean two weeks."
I nod.
Aubrey cringes.
Kel's gaze darkens.
I wonder why they're reacting like that.
Basil looks like he just finished processing whatever the fuck just happened, only to gain more shit to process. Goodluck, my friend.
The Hooligans just doing hooliganery. Or something.
Hero is stunned.
...
Wait what the fuck when did hero appear what the fucking hell aaaaaa-
"Oh, hey, bro. Perfect timing. We were just thinking of heading to Gino's and treating Sunny to a well-deserved meal. You wanna come with?"
Oh hey free meals. Nice.
"..."
Hero has a noticeable pause. "...Sure."
"That's great then. Let's go!"
Aubrey walks to Basil, who just finished processing everything, and hisses something to him. That prompts him to follow us.
I guess this means mission accomplished. I am the god of peace and have solved this conflict flawlessly and peacefully. Bravo.