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The Gryffindor common room is full of people, which during the Quidditch season was not exactly unusual since the house had accumulated several consecutive victories, something that James Potter, the Chaser, was very proud of and bragged about whenever he had the opportunity. He smiles as he observes the familiar faces of his housemates and some not well-known. He watches people dancing, drinking, and chatting, and accepts some congratulations for Gryffindor's victory as he enters the room.
He wanders through a few groups of people and starts some conversations, mostly about what the team's strategies would be to maintain their winning streak. Throughout the night, Sirius asked him to dance a few times, knowing that James would accept without hesitation and of his friend's ease with things that most people might find embarrassing.
He dances to several upbeat songs he doesn't know until his belly hurts from laughing at Sirius, and the soles of his feet feel like they're burning. James takes a break to wet his whistle and tries to find a drink that isn't too strong, not intending to overdo it tonight.
He leans against a wall beside the table with the food and drinks, watching the room. He laughs as he sees Lily, Marlene and Dorcas dancing enthusiastically on the makeshift dance floor he had shared with Sirius earlier.
Speaking of Sirius, he also seemed tired of dancing and was now sitting on one of the sofas while chatting with Remus. The two were quite close despite no one else sharing the sofa with them, their faces were near each other as they talked, seemingly unaware of the party happening around them.
James smiles at the scene before his attention is diverted to Peter, who bumps into him as he approaches the table. He grabs one of the bottles without much ceremony and raises it to his mouth, drinking in large gulps.
“Take it easy, Pete.”
He's aware of his friend's issues related to his difficulty in social interaction, especially in a crowded room with people he doesn't know. Sometimes Pete would cope with this anxiety by drinking, hoping it would help him loosen up and engage better in conversations. It usually didn't end well.
“I’m fine.” He dismisses James with a wave of his hand, who casts one last concerned glance at his friend as he heads towards the exit of the hall, carrying the half-full bottle with him.
He returns to observing the hall, and his eyes land on a particular group that stands out a bit from the rest due to their green attire. He watches two boys, whom he recognizes as Barty and Evan, engaged in lively conversation while a third figure merely listens.
James' gaze is immediately drawn to the neutral features, perhaps even a little bored, yet irrevocably beautiful.
Despite the rivalry between the houses, it wasn't exactly uncommon to have members from different houses at celebrations, especially when they involved smuggled drinks, food and music. Since today's match had been against Ravenclaw, James wasn't surprised by the presence of Slytherins.
He gazes at Regulus Black while wondering, does he enjoy the parties or just come to accompany his friends? Is he having fun? Does he like the food and drink? The music? Did he watch the game? James wagered not, as even when playing against Slytherin, he had never seen Regulus. Not that he was scanning the enemy stands seconds before a game to find him, of course not.
He realizes he has drifted off in his thoughts, and what snaps him out of it is a pair of feline eyes returning his steady gaze with a raised eyebrow. James quickly looks away, sipping from his nearly empty glass and feeling deeply embarrassed at being caught. He wasn't sure how long Regulus had been staring back at him and felt his hands sweating nervously.
He was debating whether he thought his attempt to disguise had been effective or if he should risk another quick glance to see if Regulus was still looking at him when suddenly the music drastically lowers in volume, catching everyone's attention in the room.
The gazes descend upon Marlene, who walks to the middle of the hall with a mischievous smile and an empty bottle in her hands.
“What if we play truth or dare?” She says with anticipation and cheers when a chorus of approval sounds and everyone begins to make space in the middle of the hall to form a circle around the bottle.
It's been a while since they played this at parties, ever since the last time a dare resulted in a small explosion and a few visits to the infirmary. James hopes everyone takes it easier this time, but at this late hour and with several drunk people around, he's not sure if he should brace himself for the worst.
The game begins and James quickly realizes that the focus seems to have shifted from potentially deadly things to simply: gossip. At one point, all the questions and dares are about kissing, dating, and similar things.
James finds it extremely comical, as it's obvious a bunch of teenagers with hormones raging would want something to gossip about in the corridors for the next few weeks. He is relieved that the heavier dares were kinda like "I dare you to kiss the person to your right or left," because it means he won't have to visit anyone in the infirmary or spend hours thinking of a convincing enough story to tell Professor McGonagall.
James refocuses on the game as the bottle stops beside him, pointing at Remus. A Hufflepuff girl asks if he wants truth or dare, and he chooses truth.
“Is it true that you’re seeing someone?”
James is close enough to see Remus' cheeks acquiring a rosy hue.
“Yes, it's true.” There is an excited buzz around them, and as Remus leans forward towards the bottle, James notices Sirius raising a glass to his lips to conceal a smile.
The bottle is spun again and James watches it rotate a few times until it stops with the neck pointing towards him.
There's a new celebration as James was one of the few in the circle who hadn't been asked yet, and he turns with a smile to Remus, who promptly says:
“Truth or dare, Prongs?”
He strokes his chin as if pondering a very difficult question and smiles as he answers.
“Truth.”
Because of their history of pranks they had all played together, James admitted he was a little afraid of what Remus' mind might come up with for him if he chose dare.
“Are you currently interested in someone?”
James hesitates for a few seconds as Remus looks at him inquisitively.
Everyone knew that James had a crush on Lily around the second year, he wasn't exactly discreet about his feelings because he felt he didn't need to be, but now...
“Yes, I am.”
It's okay for him to say because it's impossible for anyone to figure out who the person in question is, not even if every person in that room were to guess, could they hit upon the person who haunts James' thoughts day and night. And if any of his friends ask about it later, he can just make up a person and avoid the subject until they forget about it.
His response is followed by comments and whispers and Mary gestures towards Remus, pretending to be discreet.
“Ask who.” Everyone laughs at her, and James promptly picks up the bottle in front of him.
“Only one question per round, those are the rules.”
He spins the bottle with a bit more force than intended, and it rotates several times before gradually slowing down, completing a few turns before pointing in the opposite direction to James, towards Regulus.
James can see everyone looking expectantly and feels a bit nervous. What are the chances?
“Truth or dare, Regulus?” He pretends to be relaxed as he looks at the boy in front of him.
“I'm going with truth.” Regulus replies with an indifferent expression.
James starts to ponder what to ask, feeling his thoughts jumble and tangle. What the hell would he ask Regulus? If he was dating someone? Fancying someone? Oh, James was afraid to know the answer.
He spends several seconds thinking, growing more nervous when he wonders if anyone might notice his anxiety. Remus nudges his arm gently as a signal to 'get on with it' when the question lights up in his mind like a bulb.
A simple thing, nothing too compromising and nothing James wouldn't want to know.
“Regulus, when was your first kiss?”
He smiles openly, inwardly proud of his clever thought until his gaze falls upon Regulus, who has been watching him the whole time while he pondered the question, a fact James had chosen to ignore.
Regulus looks down at his lap and adjusts his hair before lifting his head again to respond:
“I have never kissed anyone."
James felt like a stone dropped in his stomach, his seemingly perfect question had embarrassed Regulus in front of everyone.
If he didn't hate him before this, he certainly does now.
The room is filled with an eerie silence and James can't look in Regulus' direction. He desperately tries to think of something to break the mood when a slurred voice speaks coming from the sofas where they are leaning.
"Really? I thought I was the only one, that's cool!"
Peter says in a comical tone that reveals that he has already crossed some limits with the drinks, causing a collective laugh in the room, much more because of the way his voice sounded than because of what was said and that is enough to dispel the strange atmosphere. James allows himself to laugh along, feeling relieved, and risks a discreet glance at Regulus who is showing a small smile until he meets James' gaze and his expression changes to completely neutral again.
“Okay, Regulus, it's your turn to spin.” Pandora says, wiping the tears from her eyes as she laughs.
Regulus spins the bottle which ends up pointing at Barty.
“Finally! I choose dare.” He hurries to say, not even waiting for Regulus to ask the question.
Some people in the circle shouted and clapped in approval as they had been doing many rounds where no one chose dare.
“I dare you to chug this bottle." He says, pointing to the half-full bottle of Firewhiskey that was forgotten near them outside the circle.
Barty promptly gets up and counts to three until he turns the bottle over and starts drinking in large gulps. The hall goes crazy and James is sure the entire castle is hearing the screams. However, he allows himself to surreptitiously observe Regulus while everyone's focus is on something else.
His hair is slightly clumsy and he's laughing at Barty's expressions.
He is so beautiful laughing. James imagines what it must be like to make him laugh.
The game goes on for a few more rounds without anything interesting happening. James' thoughts travel to someone who occupies more of his mind than he cares to admit.
Until before that night, he was sure that he maintained a friendly relationship with Regulus, which had been built with much, much effort.
Ever since Regulus entered Hogwarts and was sorted into a different house than his brother, the two have grown apart considerably, surrounded by their friends, which includes James. He thought that Regulus didn't like him very much, which he honestly didn't understand because almost everyone likes James. At first, he tried to start a conversation and test some of his jokes, which were met with eye rolls and silence.
Things got drastically worse when Sirius left home to live with James, and it took a lot of effort on James and Remus' part to convince Sirius to try to talk to Regulus and present his point of view.
There were months of difficult conversations between the two brothers until the situation stabilized again and they began to get along well.
In the meantime, James was able to observe his best friend's brother from a relatively short distance, which resulted in James spending several sleepless nights with only one thing on his mind: Regulus.
And now, with just one question, he had ruined everything.
Regulus must think he asked on purpose to embarrass him in front of everyone. He must think James did that to laugh at him behind his back later.
The moment faded quickly and no one seemed to make much of it but James did, and he's sure Regulus did too.
Regulus must hate him and James needs to do something about it.
James doesn't even realize that it's been some time since the game ended and now the room is much emptier, there are many fewer people on the dance floor and more lying on the sofas and armchairs.
He sees some people start to say goodbye and go up to their dorms, or residents of other houses leave on their way to theirs.
James sees Regulus heading towards the exit door and thoughtlessly goes after him. He gently touches his wrist and Regulus looks at him a little surprised.
"Hey."
"Hi." Regulus speaks a little suspiciously.
"I know you're already going to sleep but can I talk to you for a moment?"
"Why?"
"It won't take up much of your time, I promise."
Regulus seems to think, battling internally whether he should accept it or not until James feels an arm go around his shoulder and someone supports their weight completely on him.
"I'm so fucking tired Prongs, can you help me get up there?"
James laughs when he notices Sirius' drunken and sleepy expression.
"Where’s Moony? Why don't you go with him?"
"He's in the bathroom, helping Peter to throw up."
"Again? Why does he keep doing this at every party?" Sirius mutters something that James thinks is a response but notices that Regulus is impatiently beside him, snorting.
"Alright Pads, let's go to bed."
James turns to Regulus and gives an embarrassed smile as he says softly:
"I be right back."
James wraps his arm around Sirius' waist and guides him to the stairs to the bedrooms, helping him climb the steps. They walked together to Sirius' bed and James laid him down, removing his shoes and covering him with a blanket.
"Thank you Prongs, you're the best friend in the world." Sirius murmurs in a sleepy voice, indicating that it won't be long before he falls asleep.
James smiles but feels his conscience weighing down a little. Would Sirius continue to think that if he knew the thoughts that were running around in his friend's mind?
"Good night, Pads."
James leaves the room and starts going down the stairs, noticing that the common room is empty except for two or three people who are fast asleep on the couches.
He is a little surprised when he sees a short figure leaning against the wall at the end of the stairs, with arms crossed and a look of annoyance in his eyes.
"Hey, you waited."
"Yes, you asked me to."
"Yeah..." James notices he's acting awkward, usually he's good with people and you could even say he's charismatic but something about Regulus makes his mind go blank and feel like he always chooses the stupidest thing possible to say.
"So... you wanted to tell me something?"
"Yes! I just wanted to make it clear that I didn't ask that question to embarrass you or anything like that. I didn't mean to put you on the spot in front of everyone, and I'm sorry if you felt that I did."
Regulus looked at him with uncertainty, as if deciding whether to believe him or not.
"Okay. Whatever. You couldn't have known." He shrugged his shoulders.
"So, you're not mad at me or anything?"
"Why do you care?" He arched his eyebrows in curiosity.
Why does James care?
"Ah, because... because you're Sirius' brother and I didn't want things to get awkward or for you to think I tried to shame you or... anything like that... you know."
"Sure..." The tone of Regulus' voice is infused with skepticism and perhaps a hint of humor. "Everyone was kind of drunk, I think tomorrow they won't remember half of what happened."
James' face lights up with a smile of relief and he nods in agreement.
Regulus looks around awkwardly and then shifts his gaze to his feet.
"If that was all, I think I'll just go-"
"I can help you with that." James completely lost his head.
"What?"
"Not that it's a problem, because it's not. But if it's something that bothers you, I could help you resolve it."
Maybe James had more to drink than he reckoned. Perhaps the part of his brain that filters thoughts before they reach his mouth is not functioning. Maybe his more reckless side saw that he'd managed to fix one mistake and immediately wanted to make a worse one.
"How exactly would you help me?" Regulus asks, genuinely curious.
James considers offering to help Regulus arrange a date or something similar, but he quickly realizes he'd rather endure the awkwardness of rejection than put Regulus in someone else's arms who isn't him.
"I can kiss you."
"You can what?" Regulus looks paler than usual. James feels his stomach churn. Regulus' eyes are wide as if he can't believe what he heard.
He knew he would be rejected. It was obvious. What did James expect to happen?
"Look, this might not have been the best idea, so let's just forget about it, okay?" James forces a laugh. That's it. He'll blame the alcohol and forget about this forever.
"You don’t like boys, why are you offering to kiss me?"
Regulus has his head slightly tilted to the right, which distracts James because it reminds him of a cat, and he finds himself mesmerized by how adorable Regulus is.
"Who said I don’t like boys?" He watches as Regulus' gaze shifts to something he doesn't recognize.
"So you do like?" Regulus' indifferent posture is giving way to nervousness, which piques James' curiosity to know the reason.
"Yeah, I do"
James is genuinely enjoying himself now. He was expecting Regulus to either say he had completely lost his mind or to say that he thinks James is repulsive and would prefer to drown in a lake than kiss him, but never this bewildered and apprehensive behavior.
A few seconds pass in silence and an air of awkwardness returns. James is about to say goodbye and run to his room as quickly as possible when Regulus says:
"Alright then."
"Alright what?"
"You can kiss me."
"Really?" James says a bit loudly, in complete disbelief.
"You're the one who suggested it, idiot." Regulus says indignantly, his cheeks turning a shade of red.
"I never thought you would agree!"
James starts laughing because he's a bit drunk and because he likes it when Regulus says mean things to him, and because the whole situation is so unreal that he wonders if he's dreaming.
"So why did you ask?" Regulus puts his hand over his mouth to stifle his laughter and James feels his entire body brighten.
Regulus and him laughing together.
"Because I want to kiss you so fucking bad."
Regulus' smile fades. They're staring at each other and it's the millionth time tonight that James wishes he could find a spell to shut his mouth forever.
"You can't be serious." His eyes are fixed on James' and his whisper is tinged with longing.
"Yes, I'm not Sirius. I'm James." He suppresses a laugh. He feels stupid but can't resist the joke that's lodged in his brain like a primal instinct.
"Oh Merlin, you’re a fucking idiot." Regulus seems disappointed as he huffs and pushes off the wall as if to leave, leading James to place his hand on the wall beside his head and look into his eyes.
"I'm sorry, I've quit the jokes, ok? I'm being honest with you."
Regulus has his arms crossed and his eyes half-closed in distrust.
"You want to kiss me?"
"Yes."
"You're going to kiss me?"
"Yes, I mean, if you want me to, I would."
Regulus grabs the collar of James' shirt and pulls him close, speaking against his face:
"So stop with these shitty jokes and fucking kiss me." His voice sounds sharp and determined and James absolutely loves it. He'll do anything Regulus asks.
James moves the hand that was on the wall to Regulus' cheek, running his fingers in a very shy caress, observing his face in an infinite array of details that he never thought he would have the pleasure of seeing.
His eyes were a dark grey, like a cloudy night, and were full of expectations. His slender nose was sprinkled with a few freckles that spread across his cheekbones. James feels the urge to count each one of them, connecting them as if they were a constellation.
His eyes move down to his mouth, slowly approaching until their mouths are breathing against each other, sharing the same air.
James feels butterflies in his stomach as he closes his eyes and finally touches his lips to Regulus'. They are both cautious and uncertain, James focuses on not rushing and providing the best possible experience for the other boy.
They move their mouths slowly against each other, with Regulus mirroring James' actions. He feels Regulus' hand moving up to his back, and the other sliding down his neck until the fingers curl into his curly hair.
James sighs and brings his other hand to Regulus' waist, who leans fully against the wall and pulls him until they are pressed tightly against each other.
Regulus gasps as James runs his tongue along his lower lip and allows James' tongue to enter his mouth.
The two boys mumble in unison at the sensation of their tongues colliding. Regulus tightens his grip on James' hair, sending a shiver down his spine.
Regulus sucks his lower lip before pulling back slightly to murmur.
"Oh God, now I understand why people do this all the time."
James grins and admires the sight before him, Regulus with his altered breathing, cheeks flushed, and a radiant smile on his lips. James believes he has never seen anything so heavenly in his life.
"I could definitely do this all the time with you."
Regulus laughs shyly and bites his lips in hesitation before bringing his mouth to James', sealing it with small kisses.
"I waited for so long."
"To kiss for the first time?"
"To kiss you, James."
"Wait, what?" James asks with astonishment, pulling back to look at Regulus' face. "How much is 'so long?'”
"Ah, I don't know, a couple years, I think."
“You must be joking. I thought you hated me."
"Well, I did for a while because you were so loud and foolish, and so self-centered and arrogant."
James makes a sound of indignation. "Oh, you think so badly of me, Reggie."
"And it's all true!" Regulus says with a defiant smile. "And then I realized that I actually like those things about you, and the others that I never really paid attention to."
Regulus' voice is dreamy and passionate and James feels like he's going to faint.
"You're also kind and gentle, and I like the way you treat people around you. You are a really good friend and you bring brightness to everybody's lives." Regulus' hand slides onto James' face, caressing his cheek. James is completely shocked.
"And you're also very hot." Regulus reluctantly says, rolling his eyes.
"Oh my God." James covers his mouth to muffle his loud laughter. "Regulus, you never cease to astonish me."
They both laugh together, immersed in a haze of affection as they gaze at each other passionately.
"I can understand. It was really confusing to me when I realized that I was thinking too much about you, like an unsettling amount."
James thinks about the sleepless nights. About the glances across the Great Hall. About Potions classes shared with Slytherin where he always made witty remarks because he thought they would make him seem smart.
"And I always thought it was madness, completely out of the question, that you would never look at me."
"Come on, you're my brother's best friend and the shining light of this place, everyone looks up to you."
James is suddenly self-conscious. He knew this was a common thought and wasn't usually very modest, but it was different to hear it from Regulus.
"Hey, I'm not sure I agree with all of that."
"You know it's true. And that's why I never dare to make a move. Like, what chances would I have?"
James holds Regulus' face in both hands and his pleading gaze makes James feel like his heart is going to burst.
"All the chances in the world. You're the only one who stands a chance." James presses his lips together once more, leaving pecking kisses on his cheeks.
"James..." Regulus whispers to get his attention, as he's very focused on kissing every inch of his face. James' name sounds so good in his hoarse, whispered voice. James wants to bottle the sound and drink it whenever he needs to quench his thirst for Regulus.
"Yeah?"
"Earlier, during the game, you said you were interested in someone..."
"Yes, I remember that."
"So, does all this mean that..."
"I mean it, I've spent so much time thinking about it. Thinking about you. And it seemed absurd but it got harder and harder to deny to myself. You fascinate me. I'm enchanted by your intelligence, captivated by your humor, by the tenderness you radiate when you do the things you love. I'm incapable of denying it. I am deeply and completely in love with you."
The brightness of Regulus' smile could light up an entire city and James thought he saw a glisten in his eyes.
"I can't believe this is real." James doesn't have time to agree because Regulus is embracing his neck, their mouths intertwining between kisses and smiles, their tongues dancing together as if they were made for it.
Regulus' hand trails down James' back and slips into the shirt he's wearing, eliciting a sigh as James senses the chilly touch of his hand on his warm skin. He presses his lips against his a few more times before tracing a line of kisses along Regulus' jawline, kissing his cheeks and the path down to his neck.
He cautiously kisses the pale skin and watches to see if Regulus will object. James gently sucks the skin against his mouth and his mind goes blank at the sound that escapes Regulus' lips.
Regulus breathes out heavily and leans his head against the wall behind him, granting James full access to do as he pleases.
James wanders across every inch of exposed skin, up to Regulus' collarbone, delivering kisses and gentle nibbles that are always rewarded with a glorious sound.
Regulus was melting in his arms and honestly, James wasn't much better than that.
James feels mesmerized, intoxicated. His senses are scrambled. His mouth tasting the skin of Regulus, the scent of his shampoo, his hands on his face, hair, waist. The sensation of touching something precious, divine, immaculate.
Regulus' nails digging into his skin every time he leaned towards his ear to say something not very polite. His brain was short-circuiting.
Regulus stands on tiptoe and leans in until his mouth is near James' ear.
"You're driving me insane, Jamie." James gasps as he feels his earlobe being lightly bitten and Regulus sliding his tongue down to the base of his neck.
To the great delight of James, Regulus is much more confident now, with all the cards on the table and all the feelings they've kept hidden for so long finally exposed. He no longer seems shy and lets his hands wander over James' body.
Regulus is so good at learning. James wants to teach him everything.
James' skin was burning and screaming Regulus' name, begging to be touched, and kissed, and marked.
He tightly grips Regulus' waist and presses their bodies together, their hips colliding and causing both to murmur against each other's mouths.
"I never thought I could have you like this." Regulus' voice is husky and brittle, and James shivers at the amount of desire present in his tone.
"You can have everything. Everything is yours. I will give you all you want." James' is breathless and desperate because that's how he feels, with the boy of his dreams kissing every inch of his neck and holding onto him as if he never intends to let go.
Regulus' teeth sink into his neck, and then he runs his tongue over the mark, making sounds as if savoring the taste of his skin. James' head isn't functioning properly, and he can't suppress the sounds coming from his mouth.
"Careful, someone might hear you." He says with a naughty smile before moving to the other side of James' neck and continuing his work. "I can't stop thinking about you walking around showing off those marks."
"You also have some to exhibit." They laugh softly, as if it's a secret, something just between them that no one else has the right to.
"Someday they will know that you are the author of them." James assures, caressing Regulus' face as he strokes his curls.
"I can't wait." Regulus says with one of his dazzling smiles that James never gets tired of admiring. "I hate to say this, but I think I should go to my dorm before someone notices I'm missing."
"No, don't say that." James says dramatically and hugs Regulus around the waist, resting his head on his shoulder.
"It's okay, we'll see each other again tomorrow." Regulus laughs and hugs him back.
"Yeah, but not like this."
"We'll figure this out, okay? Just for a while, until we find a way to tell everyone and... tell Sirius."
"Oh my God. Sirius is going to kill me."
"He's not going to kill you."
"He definitely will, and honestly, after all this, it'll be worth it." James leans in for what could be their last kiss for a while, until a familiar voice interrupts their moment.
"Excuse me?"
The two boys make a loud sound of surprise, quickly letting go and facing Remus, who has a teasing smile and an assessing expression. He is holding around the waist an unconscious boy that James recognizes as Peter.
James completely forgot that Remus and Peter hadn't gone up to the dorm yet, which made his stomach churn with anxiety.
"Okay, I won't ask what was happening here if one of you helps me carry Peter up the stairs. He fell asleep in the bathroom after throwing up."
They are still too stunned to speak, but James positions himself on the other side of Peter and shares his weight with Lupin, starting to climb the stairs.
"Good night Regulus." Remus says in a mocking voice and Regulus just nods and starts heading towards the exit door in quick steps.
In the room, they help Peter lie down. Remus turns off the lights and James is glad he kept his promise not to ask any questions. He also pretends not to notice when Remus sneaks into Sirius's bed.
James lies down on his bed, feeling dizzy, the light of his smile visible from miles away. As he drifts off to sleep, he hopes that none of this was a dream.
During breakfast the next morning, some amusing observations can be made: James is wearing the Gryffindor scarf even though it's spring and the weather is mild, Peter is slouched over the table, occasionally lifting his head to take a sip of coffee, Remus is cracking countless snake-related jokes, with Sirius laughing at each one (even the unfunny ones), and James feels his face grow warm every time he looks across the table and catches the gaze of a certain boy wearing black neck scarf at the Slytherin table.