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The Land of Lightning was famous for its almost endless mountain ranges and beautiful rivers but all Iruka could see was black concrete walls and the occasional emergency exit signs that lit up in the underground tunnel. The scenery wouldn't change for the next three hours and, thirty minutes in, Iruka was bored. The four match-three games on his phone had already become unappealing on the train ride from Konoha to Shimagokure but at least he'd been able to see the scenery fly by outside or talk to Kakashi.
Everything would be better if Kakashi didn’t keep disappearing all the time.
"Is everything okay, Kakashi?" Iruka asked as the man sat down on the seat in front of him. They had reserved the seats, when they ordered the tickets online at home, but the train was almost empty and they could have saved the reservation fee.
"What?" Kakashi seemed distracted and didn't even look up from his phone.
"You've barely been in your seat since we crossed the border. Are you okay?"
Kakashi mumbled something into the high collar of his grey designer sweatshirt while tapping on the phone quickly. He was completely engrossed in whatever was on the screen. Iruka balled up the used napkin, which came with the bland sandwich he bought on the train station, and threw it at Kakashi's head with easy accuracy.
It hit Kakashi's forehead, somehow tangled itself in his wild hair and then stayed there. Iruka snickered as Kakashi paused his tapping. He raised his head slowly; the napkin stayed firmly in place, looked at Iruka and then looked up trying to see the paper ball, which, of course, was impossible from that angle. Kakashi looked unimpressed by Iruka's awesome throwing skills and removed the napkin gingerly with the tips of his manicured fingers.
"What was that for?"
Iruka rolled his eyes, "I told you it was okay if you didn't want to come with me."
And Iruka had meant it. They'd only known each other for two months and been official boyfriends for half that time. If Kakashi didn't want to spend Christmas and New Year with Iruka and his adopted little brother, who lived, at the moment, a day's travel from Konoha, it was more than understandable. Iruka hadn't really expected Kakashi to say yes when he asked.
"I know that." Kakashi frowned with his perfectly sculptured eyebrows. The man was so ridiculously pretty. "I want to spend Christmas with you. And I told you I wanted to meet Naruto, even though he seems to be annoying."
Iruka sighed. So it wasn't nerves of getting closer to meeting the only family Iruka had left that made him disappear to wherever all the time.
"Then what is it? You seem a little bit off."
"I just need to stretch my legs. It's been a long journey."
"Oh, okay," that was understandable, "want some company?" He asked and smiled. A little walk would be nice.
"No!" Kakashi practically yelled, making Iruka jump in his seat in surprise.
Iruka didn't really know what to respond to that so he just stared at Kakashi, whose eyes were wide open and he had a hand reached out in front of him.
"I didn't mean it like that." He said quickly, "I promise I'm f..."
He was interrupted by his phone that started to vibrate violently on the small table between them. He took the device and practically crawled over the empty seat beside him to reach the aisle.
"Kakashi."
"I'm sorry." He said franticly, "I have to go. Don't leave your seat."
"Excuse me?" Iruka said indignantly.
"I mean it, Iruka," Kakashi's voice was suddenly soft and contradicted the intense look he gave Iruka. "Please, just stay where you are."
Iruka narrowed his eyes at Kakashi's retreating back. That didn't sound weird, at all.
――
On a gloomy and cold day, at the start of October, Iruka had followed Naruto to Konoha Central Station after a two week visit. Iruka didn't really look forward to an empty apartment again but Naruto's endless optimism was infective and Iruka could do anything but smile. The boy had opened a window, and for a minute, Iruka had been sure he would fall out, in his enthusiasm to wave goodbye as the train left the station.
He'd met Kakashi on the way back from the platform. It hadn't been a particular romantic meeting. Iruka had decided to splurge on an expensive pumpkin spice latte to help him fight the feeling of gloom.
As he stood in line to order he was poked on the shoulder by someone behind him. Iruka had always prided himself of his ability to treat everyone fairly, and with kindness, and not be impressed by a pretty face, but when he turned around he was rendered speechless. Perhaps for the first time in his life. Because the man who'd poked him was fucking gorgeous. Iruka's inner voice might have whimpered a little.
The stranger was pale skinned with a shock of white untamed hair and high cheekbones that where slightly pink. He had one blue eye and one black and they were almost hidden by the smile that showed a perfect row of white teeth. He had on a grey woollen coat with black leather sleeves that hugged his torso in all the right places and his black skinny jeans were tucked into shin-high boots.
"You dropped this." He said and held out what Iruka recognized was his phone. "I've always liked Lumpy Space Princess scathing wit."
"Huh?" Iruka asked intelligently.
The stranger turned Iruka's phone around to show the Adventure Time cover.
And that was how Kakashi asked a blushing Iruka if maybe they should enjoy a cup of coffee together.
――
Of course, Iruka didn't stay in his seat. He'd been rebellious as a child, and even though he'd matured into a responsible adult, some of that defiant attitude had stayed. He remained in his seat for a couple of minutes, fiddling with his phone to make sure Kakashi didn't return.
The chatter of the other passengers had fiddled out some and most of them were occupied with their phones, computers or books. Iruka wasn't to concern about leaving their luggage behind. The train didn't stop until they reached Kumogakure so it was possible to catch a potential thief.
He walked in the same direction as Kakashi, which was toward the cab. He strolled casually through the different sections that were divided by narrow sliding doors. Some places were more filled than others but it was still a quite empty train considering that there were only two days until Christmas. What Iruka found even more odd was the lack of his boyfriend.
There was only one corridor connection running through the train so it should be impossible to miss him. He could be in the bathroom but it hadn't seemed like that was where he was heading.
When he reached one of the front carriages with a sign that said 1st class on the sliding door he dared to enter. He could always leave if someone asked him to. The section of the carriage was completely empty. Before he could think more than that there should be at least a guy in a suit occupying one of the luxury seat two train stewards entered the section from the sliding door across the aisle.
They were dragging what appeared to be a bruised and bound Kakashi between them. Everyone froze.
Unfortunately, for the stewards, Iruka was the first to recover.
――
"How the fuck, do you know how to do that?" Kakashi asked through clenched teeth as they were lugging the now unconscious and bound fake stewards, as Kakashi told him, out of the empty 1st class section and out to the deserted vestibule.
They were heavy and bulky and Iruka was sweating already.
"You're seriously not asking me that right now." He grunted as he, not too kindly, yanked his goon across the dirty floor.
He could hear Kakashi huff loudly behind him.
"Where, exactly, are we gonna put them?" He asked quickly before Kakashi could ask any more questions.
"The toilet. They must have keys to this train. We should be able to lock it."
"This is so not my idea of some heavy petting." Iruka grumbled.
"Just search the goddamned pockets."
――
After stuffing the lumpy goons into the pee smelling toilet and locking it, because, yes, they did have a set of keys, Iruka thought that they would fight their way to the cab and regain power over the train.
Maybe they'd find a way outside, climb on the roof and make a sneak attack. Kakashi promptly shot that idea down when he went all realistic, snidely telling Iruka that the train was moving with 200 kilometres per hour and it would mean sudden death. Such a mood killer.
What Iruka hadn't expected was to sit in the stewards' small compartment with the food cart, munching on a stolen Snickers as Kakashi tapped furiously on his phone, which they'd retrieved from one of the goons back pocket.
The train was high jacked in secret, apparently.
"So, James Bond or Ethan Hunt?"
Kakashi glanced up briefly. "It's not like that."
"So you're not a super secret agent, who goes on super secret missions and lead a super secret double life?"
"You don't need to tack on the super part." Kakashi said and actually pouted.
"Oh, I'm sorry, your secret double life then." Iruka threw the Snickers paper at Kakashi but it was too light to reach its destination and floated lifelessly to the floor.
"Does this happen often?"
"It's my job."
"No, I mean, like, a mission springing on you when you least expect it."
Kakashi didn't answer.
"And I totally made you admit you're a secret agent, by the way." Iruka said triumphantly.
His smiled faded, when Kakashi kept quiet.
――
At least thirty minutes went by in silence. It was sometimes interrupted by Kakashi talking to someone on the phone. He talked in a language Iruka couldn't understand but it sounded serious, by the tone of his voice.
Iruka was shuffling through the menu card a third time, pondering what to steal next.
"You never answered me how you knocked two men out; double your size, that easy."
Iruka exhaled loudly and looked up at Kakashi and said, very seriously, "I'm a secret agent."
Kakashi gaped in surprise.
"That face is only attractive when you're on your knees."
Kakashi then managed to choke on his own saliva and Iruka spluttered with silent laughter. It quickly died down, though.
"I have a master rank in Commando Sambo." He said quietly. "And I'm teaching the basics at different shelters for domestic violence in Konoha."
Kakashi ran his slender fingers through his hair but he never stopped watching Iruka. There was a softness in his mismatched eyes.
"You've never talked about it." It wasn't an accusation.
"I know. It's just," Iruka hesitated, "some of my exes got weird after I told them that I'm, in theory, capable of killing someone with a pen."
"They were stupid."
"Yeah." Iruka agreed softly.
"It's not like you've ever done that just because you can."
"That's classified."
Kakashi groaned, "No more secret agent jokes, Iruka."
"That wasn't a joke."
――
"I have to confess something." Kakashi whispered all of a sudden. He'd been quiet, almost subdued, after Iruka's own little kind of confession. He'd been wise enough not to prod for more information.
"There's more? Are you a double agent? Am I really helping the evil villains?" Iruka gasped dramatically.
"What? No!"
Iruka mocked a sigh of relief and ignored the stink eye Kakashi sent his way.
"Me, asking you out, wasn't as unplanned as you think. I was sort of on a stake out at the station, and I saw you enter Starbucks, so I went after you."
"So you stood behind me on purpose?" He asked curiously. It was a bit tame. Lots of people met that way.
Kakahi nodded.
"That's not so bad. It's kinda cute actually. I'm feeling all flattered here." Iruka grinned.
Kakashi cleared his throat and started stacking the small peanut packets; he'd stolen, from the food cart. "It wasn't the first time I saw you there or the second... or the third. And I may have been the cause of your phone falling out of your pocket."
Iruka would vehemently deny it later, but the sound of him slapping Kakashi was the reason the evil villains found them.
――
"I want you to know I blame all this on you." Iruka growled as he glared angrily at Kakashi.
They were strapped tightly to a chair in the empty 1st class carriage. Kakashi sat on a chair across the aisle. They were able to see each other and they hadn't been gagged.
"They aren't very clever." Iruka tried to wiggle around to loosen the ropes around his arms. "And this style of knotting is very bondage like."
"Iruka," Kakashi groaned exasperated, "stop talking."
"What? So you can avoid answering how you're able to carry a gun in those pants. Those things are painted on." It was true. Iruka had never seen anything so obscene on a man. "Or that you totally knew about all this before we even boarded the train."
Kakashi's expression turned very guilty, very fast.
"I'm an excellent user of my brain, Kakashi." He seethed. "You've probably known since before I even asked you to come with me."
"Iruka."
"That's the real reason you agreed so easily, isn't it?"
"Yes. No. It wasn't... Would you stop wriggling around and look at me." Iruka stopped.
Kakashi sat with a straight back and even though he was tied awkwardly to a chair with his arms behind his back he was exuded gracefulness and calm.
"We had an informer, who disappeared a while ago so we weren't sure the high jack would still be executed. I know that killing two birds was a dick move but I promise you, baby, that being with you has never been a lie."
Iruka swallowed the lump in his throat. He'd been hurt, ever since he guessed that it wasn't some freak mission popping out of nowhere.
"Iruka, my life has been spinning out of control for years, but that day, when I saw you in the crowd everything stopped. And I knew I had to have you and to keep you."
Iruka twisted his arm free from the ropes and bend down to remove the ones around his ankles. He crossed the distance to Kakashi in two steps and planted a sizzling kiss on his soft lips. It didn't take long for Kakashi to reciprocate and he became almost pliant under Iruka's hands, leaning his head back and moaning delicately.
"You're such a sap." Iruka whispered against pink lips.
Kakashi answered by slipping in some tongue.
――
They stood ready at the door into the cab. The bodies of goons spread around, where they fell, behind them. Kakashi stood poised with a gun in his right hand.
"I really feel like there should be a music score to this. You know, playing subtly in the background."
"Shut up, Iruka!" Kakashi hissed.
Iruka started to hum the theme melody from Mission Impossible.
"Shut. Up!"
――
"This is very anticlimactic." Iruka said as he sat, on the bench, in the back of an open ambulance after a medic had checked him for injuries. He had a split lip and bruised rips but he knew the evil villains were much worse off.
They hadn't really done anything besides sitting around waiting, being caught by villains, fight some more and then being caught smooching by the good guys
Iruka still didn't have any fucking clue why the train had been high jacked and none of the passengers had been threatened or known something sinister was going on. Iruka had a small inkling that Kakashi was the person to thank for that. How he did it was a mystery.
Kakashi had joined him in the ambulance after his own check up and they sat snuggled up together under two heavy blankets.
"Naruto's gonna be worried."
"We'll call him in a minute." Kakashi murmured into Iruka's hair. His breath was warm and Iruka nestled closer.
"This is also very Die Hard. It being Christmas. And I totally saved you're perky ass."
The deep rumble of laughter in Kakashi's chest was something Iruka didn't mind being his own secret mission to accomplish for the next many years.