Chapter Text
“You will never know how much I appreciate the kindness you’ve shown me. and i will spend the rest of my life trying to pay it back in whatever small doses you allow.”
The words linger in Lucy’s mind well after they’ve escaped Tim’s lips, replaying over and over again until she’s become unaware of her surroundings.
“In whatever small doses you allow.”
Lucy doesn’t want the irrevocable pain in her heart to be treated in small doses. She wants a cure to be injected and pushed straight into her veins, instantly relieving her of the disease tearing her apart. Her hunger is so fierce that she can no longer recognize herself, recognize the person she once was.
She watches Tim smile weakly as he turns around to exit the elevator. He’s done this walk upwards of four thousand times, Lucy often by his side until recently.
And maybe it’s the fact that she almost watched him die today. Whatever the reason, she finds herself following him. Her body reacts before her mind has a chance to catch up; she’s a few paces behind him, and Tim hasn’t yet realized her presence.
“Wait!” she calls out, her voice echoing across the almost-empty parking garage. He quickly stops dead in his tracks and turns around, a wonderstruck Lucy staring back at him.
“Lucy?” he exhales. His heart palpitates as he watches her open her mouth, but nothing comes out. She’s just… standing there. “Is everything alright?”
Without saying a word, Lucy takes a few steps forward until her face is just inches from Tim. So close that she can feel the warm air exiting from his nostrils cyclically every few seconds.
Before he has the chance to say something that could realign her judgment, she crashes her lips onto his. Lucy cradles his face in her hands, leaning so far into him until his back is against the nearest car.
Despite her rather jagged movements, her lips are warm and soft, parting slightly to allow Tim to slip his tongue inside.
Relief washes over him as his hands make their way around Lucy’s familiar structure. Every curve, bone, and muscle exactly as he left her. God, he’d forgotten how much he missed the lingering taste of Vaseline on her lips, and the whiffs of vanilla perfume emulating from her neck.
Forgetting where to put her hands, Lucy travels down Tim’s arm until she runs out of skin, searching for something to hold onto. She worries her legs are about to give out and clutches his hips, hooking one of her fingers into a stray belt loop along his waist.
There doesn’t seem to be a need for any of them to breathe. In fact, this is the most alive they have felt in a long while. It was as if they didn’t allow themselves to take in an adequate amount of air without the other by their side. It simply wasn’t living if it wasn’t together.
As much as they would love to continue this until they disintegrate into thin air, they’re brought back to reality by the ding of an elevator. They’re quick to pull away, as if they were just caught committing a crime.
Tim clears his throat as a patrol officer unknown to both them walks by. Lucy, unsure on how to act, flashes a quick wave, but it isn’t reciprocated.
Once the officer leaves their field of vision, they’re once again left with only the other, which has now proved to be a dangerous setting.A tingling sensation remains on Lucy’s lips as her eyes dart around the garage, doing everything in their power not to land on Tim.
On the other hand, Tim can’t bring himself to look away from Lucy. She has slipped out of his grasp, and he has spent the last weeks fearing that he’s lost her forever. But here she was, right in front of him. Lucy Chen just kissed him in an empty parking garage.
Though, he can’t help but shake the feeling that this isn’t the full story. It can’t be that easy, can it? Surely, she couldn’t have forgiven him this fast, especially without the mature conversation she’s been begging for.
But he pushes it out of his mind, focusing on the large triumph standing right in front of him. It was easy to feel that he deserved to be happy, but Lucy seemed to be the only reminder.
“So…” he exhales, breaking the awkward silence circling around them. Lucy rocks back and forth on her heels, failing to make a single sound.
“Do you wanna…” Tim asks, finishing his suggestion by pointing to his truck, just a few spaces away. Lucy merely nods, nothing more.
- - - - ˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ
Lucy is completely silent throughout the entire drive home; she mumbles here and there, but she can’t seem to put together a string of words. Not once does she look in Tim’s direction, her faze is completely transfixed by the blur of trees and flickering signs out of her window.
“Do you need anything? Water, food?” Tim asks calmly once they settle in at his house.
“No, thanks,” Lucy responds coldly, her arms crossed in front of her guarded chest.
Silence is Lucy’s weapon, it has been since the moment she and Tim met. If Lucy wasn’t talking his ear off, it was clear that something was wrong, and this was one of those moments. Tim knows that no number of apologies could fix the wrongdoings he has committed, but some acknowledgement for trying would be a nice reassurance, especially since she hadn’t hesitated to come home with him.
“Look, is something wrong, Lucy? Because I’m really so-” he starts, but she cuts him off immediately.
“No, stop. I don’t want you to apologize. I don’t want to hear how you made a mistake, and you wish you could turn back time. Because you can't. You just can't. Apologizing doesn’t fix anything, okay?”
Oh. Tim knows that she’s right, though he can’t help but feel liberated of the guilt. She might not want to address the underlying issues at hand, but denial doesn’t waive their existence.
“Lucy, we have to talk about it,” he says calmly, slowly stepping towards her.
“No. We don’t.” Tears subtlety brim in her eyes, forcing Tim to back off. He can’t remember the last time he’s seen her this agitated.
“Okay, it’s okay. We don’t have to talk about it,” he whispers. “Come here.”
Tim wraps his arms around Lucy, pulling her into his chest. Her arm folds up against him, as if always does, and he tucks her face into his henley.
He runs his hands down her curls as she inhales, and then exhales. It all feels so eerily familiar, yet unrecognizable at the same time.
Once they pull away Tim is afraid to speak, worried that he’ll send Lucy back into a spiral.
_
Tim Bradford knows Lucy Chen. He knows that she skips dinner if her shift ends later than 10pm. He knows that she loves reality T.V., but hates movies longer than three hours. He knows that Diet Coke accompanies almost every meal she eats out, but she refuses to keep unhealthy and processed foods in the house.
But at this moment, Tim Bradford fears that he doesn’t truly know her anymore. 3 months ago he could confidently pinpoint how she was feeling at any moment, even if she did her best to conceal it. But now, he can’t recognize Lucy Chen staring back at him.
The sunshine beaming in her eyes, her constant excited jitter, the smile permanently plastered along her soft lips. It’s all gone, replaced with looks of uncertainty and hopelessness. And it’s all his fault.
“Do you want me to take you home?” he eventually asks, fearing that he’s taken advantage of her vulnerability. Despite the fact that she initiated this, he cannot help but feel like she’s here out of pity.
“Um,” Lucy pauses and bites her lip. She knows she should accept the offer and go home, basking in shame. Being in Tim’s house is plain wrong, especially considering the fact that she’s far from forgiving him. But she can’t go home. Going home would admit wrongdoing, and she’d have to live with the sin forever.
“I’ll stay, if it’s alright with you?” Tim nods immediately.
“Of course.”
If she’s being honest, she’s fantasized about this almost every single night since the breakup. The heartfelt reconciliation and undeniable sparks; yet, it all feels… lackluster. It’s not the fairytale she’s dreamed of; but her life isn’t a fairytale. She has to work for everything she’s achieved, and when it’s finally smooth sailing she’s hit with a life-altering substance. Like a gut wrenching breakup out of nowhere.
Fairytales weren’t something that Lucy experienced, and she’s slowly coming to terms with it.
“Do you wanna…” she points to his bedroom door, hoping to skip the awkward conversation concerning sleeping arrangements.
“Yeah, yeah,” Tim sighs. He steps ahead and opens the door with her, kicking the stray clothes underneath furniture as she follows him in. “Sorry for the mess, it’s been a busy couple of days.”
“No, no. You’re totally fine,” she smiles softly. Her eyes wander around the gray room as she observes the barren walls surrounding them. She had always found his house to be less than lively, though they rarely spent time over there.
She notices that even weeks later, Tim has failed to take down remnants of their relationship: pictures, gifts, stupid memorabilia he had on display. He was holding onto the last sliver of her.
Lucy awkwardly sets her belongings down into an empty corner, feeling like a guest who is overstepping her bounds. She doesn’t need to ask, because Tim is already turned around, allowing her to change. She silently thanks him for allowing her to skip that conversation.
Without another word the two head to bed, though none of them really fall asleep right away. They’re turned away from each other, for the first time, just… staring at the wall.
Lucy still hasn’t gotten used to sleeping without Tim’s hands in her hair. Likewise, Tim still finds it difficult to rest without Lucy’s hand circling his torso. And even though they are mere inches away from each other, they couldn’t miss the other more.
Tim Bradford has everything he’s been yearning for: Lucy back with him at night, sleeping next to him in his bed. But for the first time, he isn’t confident that she’ll be here when he wakes up in the morning.