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“Introducing this year's Valedictorian, Ocean O’Connell Rosenberg!”
A walk of shame wouldn’t have felt as harrowing as this. Ocean could acutely register each step against the ground, each blade of grass poking at her ankles as she walked to the small stage. She could feel every pair of eyes watching her as she passed. Maybe in the past, she would have preened at that- outwardly glad to have the attention…
But now?
Her heel hit the solid surface of the stage, and the butterflies that had been fluttering about in her stomach threatened to rise to her throat. Wouldn’t that be something? Ocean O’Connell Rosenberg, spewing butterflies on her graduation…
The podium stood only a few feet in front of her now. Her throat constricted around the calming breath she attempted, the air escaping with a strangled wheeze. Penny waved from the audience, tapping on her palm with its fingers. It was only then that Ocean remembered what she was holding.
She’d been hunched over her deck when it was given to her.
“Ocean? God… you know what time it is, right?” Penny sleepily called out to her from the bed. Ocean looked at the time: 3:47 am. Her heart clenched in her chest, anxiety beginning to hold her tighter in its vice grip. The sheet of paper in front of her was empty, save for two words scrawled across the top: ‘ Graduation Speech .’
An arm wrapped over her shoulders- She could feel Penny rest her chin at the crown of her head, shifting once to press a kiss against Ocean’s hair. “I think you need to get some sleep, Ocean. Really.” Ocean shook her head, a whine working its way up her throat. “I gotta finish the speech though…” She trailed off.
Hot tears pooled in her eyes, blurring her vision. “I just…” Ocean wiped at her eyes angrily. “I’ve never not been prepared for something like this. I need to get it done.” Fingers carded their way through her tangled locks. “You’re running yourself into the ground though…” Penny murmured.
“That’s okay,” Ocean whispered. The arms around her shoulders disappeared entirely before two piercing green eyes appeared in the corner of her vision. “No, Ocean.” The girl’s voice was stern. “It’s not okay. Also, If you won’t get into the bed and sleep, I won’t either.” Penny said.
Now, that wasn’t fair… Ocean shook her head. “You need your sleep though.”
“So do you.”
“But-” Ocean started, but Penny cut her off. “No buts.” She crossed her arms. Ocean blinked. There was no arguing with that, not with Penny. Anyone else, sure, but-
“Ocean?” Penny kneeled in front of her, intertwining their fingers. “You are the smartest person I know. You’ve written so many speeches and led so many debates. I find it hard to believe that you will get up on that stage and not know what to say.” She tilted her head, a sly smirk appearing on her lips. “Chatterbox.”
Ocean gasped, pulling Penny towards her to poke her on the shoulder. “You little…” The brunette ripped free of Ocean’s grasp with a laugh, moving back to sit on the bed. “If the shoe fits.” Penny sang teasingly. She patted the mattress. “Come on. Bedtime.”
With a roll of her eyes, Ocean got up from her chair, only pausing to stretch before walking over. “You think I’ll be okay tomorrow?” She asked. Penny nodded. “I think you’ll be fine. And… wait for it. Wait for it… ” Penny pulled something from a nearby shelf before shoving it in Ocean’s arms. “I give you a good luck charm!”
Ocean pulled the charm closer to her chest, leaning over to give a kiss on her girlfriend's cheek. “Thank you.” She whispered, leaning her head on Penny’s. Ocean didn’t want to let the moment end. “Hey, Penny?” She asked. The girl hummed softly, peering up at Ocean through her eyelashes.
“Yeah?”
“I think I’m ready to tell the choir about us…” She whispered. Penny just nodded against her, leaning to press a kiss to Ocean’s forehead. “I’m right here with you.” She agreed. Ocean gripped the good luck charm tighter to her chest.
“I know.”
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Ocean took a breath, gently placing Penny’s doll on the podium, making sure it was steady against its post before looking out over the crowd. Her graduating class was small, with only seventeen students. Over half of them had boredom painted all over their faces. A few more had a dazed gleam in their eyes- as if they were anywhere but in the present; but five faces stood out from the tiny crowd, giving her their utmost attention.
Even Noel. He had dipped his head dramatically to her with a flourish of his hand as she walked by.
“Okay, Dolly… we got this. You and me up here…” Ocean mumbled, taking another deep breath. She spared a single glance at the note card in front of her- it was empty, save for the messily written ‘I love you’ in the center. Her hand stroked the lettering before she exhaled slowly and began speaking.
“Esteemed students, teachers, parents, grandparents… friends.” Ocean began, voice quivering as her eyes scanned the scattered peers in front of her. A weak smile formed on her lips. “It has certainly been a ride, hasn’t it? In our small town of Uranium, we’ve all grown up together- lived as neighbors… and colleagues… most of our lives.”
Constance waved at her from the audience. “The seventeen of us have been through all of our schooling… relatively in the same place.” Ocean’s eyes found Mischa. “Mostly.” He cracked her a grin. “We’ve all faced challenges and trials, and math class…” A few chuckles greeted her from the crowd.
“We’ve grown as people, from small seedlings to a small bushel of apples. Some of us grew to be more rotten than others.” A hush fell over the student body. Ocean gripped the sides of the podium. “I’ve been your class president on more than one occasion. Many, actually. All. Ever since the role of class president became available to us, it was always me.”
“Only me.” Ocean spared a look at Penny, worrying her lip.
“I felt I’ve led everyone well over the years, not to toot my own horn…” Ocean trailed off with a nervous chuckle. “I was perfect in that position. The things that needed to be done, got done. The people who needed guidance… got guidance. I was loved, with a bright future, and no one was allowed to be in my way.” She inhaled slowly, exhaling through her mouth.
“That’s where the rot started.”
Ocean locked eyes with Constance. “I got things done, sure; But I created a world for myself that never allowed people on my pedestal, and it only sunk in once the world had no place for me, either. It took some freak accident for me to figure that out… that I’d dragged others down so far, just for me to stay on top.” She paused, looking at Noel. “Humans don’t belong in pyramids.”
The doll shifted on the podium, beginning to slide. In a quick effort to save it from the inevitable fall, Ocean pulled it to her chest, holding it close. “The cyclone. A freak accident. Marked as one of the six saints in newspapers before reporters even knew that we were still alive…”
“In the hospital, I was knocked down many pegs- an even playing field with everyone else.” Mischa cupped his hands over his mouth, “Good!” He yelled. Ocean felt the tension and nerves disappear completely, and she smirked, pulling the doll closer. “It was good, truthfully. Forced self-reflection was good for me. Because it forced me to learn one thing.” She paused. “Well, more than one thing… but one thing! ” Ocean flung out a finger.
“That I’ve never been fair to those around me, in any sense of the word. I thought myself perfect, and perfection is not making mistakes. But hurting people is a mistake... and it was one I made over, and over again. It took me a while to learn my way out of that habit…” Ocean looked to Penny again. The girl was looking at her with such adoration and care- it made the next thought easy to say.
“I am not perfect. None of us are perfect.” Ocean looked out over the audience again before sighing.
“I guess what I’m trying to say is… we’ve all come so far together. We’re all at this one event, at this arguably important occasion… and.” Penny’s green eyes drew Ocean in again willingly. “I’m sorry. To everyone I’ve ever treated lesser… for being overweight, or gay, or disabled… for wearing glasses or having braces, or having scars…” She looked out over the crowd- every student was staring at her now.
Ocean felt how her voice quivered. All these students. All these lives… She tensed her jaw, taking another breath. “I want you to go out in this world being who you are. Do what you want to do. Be as imperfect, and messy, and uncoordinated as you want to be, because after all these years of class president, and straight A’s… perfect attendance; I find myself wanting to live life as imperfect, and messy, and uncoordinated too.”
Penny was smiling at her when she looked again. Ocean felt her heart melt. “Because I don’t want to be a hypocrite any longer- not when I have a beautiful, spunky, firecracker girlfriend cheering me on too.” The crowd erupted in a series of excited voices- even the teachers behind her whispered in hushed tones behind her.
“Thank you for the good luck charm, Penny.” Ocean hooked her fingers under one of the doll's arms, making it wave out to the audience.
A kiss was blown her way.
Ocean looked back out to the crowd again. “Fellow graduates. It is an honor, as your Valedictorian, to lead you in the turning of the tassels.” She moved her tassel to the other side of her cap with a grin. “Thank you all… and congratulations.”
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Noel walked up to her the moment the ceremony concluded. “You’ve done good kid.” He smirked. Ocean punched him lightly in the shoulder, a playful scold ready on her lips. But Noel wasn’t done. He leaned in close to whisper in her ear. “I called it. Ricky, Constance, and Mischa owe me twenty bucks each.” He rubbed two of his fingers together with a wink. “Dinner’s on me tonight.”
With that, he sauntered away. Sauntered . Ocean watched him leave, slack-jawed. Penny came to a stop at her side, quickly handing over a twenty.
“Ezra didn’t think you’d be able to say it publicly.” Ocean slowly took the money, blinking up at her girlfriend. “What?” Her voice cracked.
“I knew otherwise.” Penny nudged her arm. “Clearly.”
Ocean stared at the cash in hand, pulling Dolly even closer to her chest as reality truly sunk in. They’d been betting on them!? “Uh huh…”