Chapter Text
“Mangi..?” the voice coming from Wooyoung’s mouth is hesitant as he cautiously sneaks in the hotel room using the key-copy Mingi always manages to get him, then a softer “are you sleeping?” follows him in his steps through the dark space in his attempt to reach the older’s bed as silently as possible. He stops when his toes touch the bed structure, his lower lip nervously captured in his teeth and his breath carefully held in his lungs as if letting it out would be enough to wake up the other. Wooyoung still hasn’t learned how to treat him as if he isn’t made of glass, a perfect artwork made of crystal that could break from just a whiff of air - and deep down he knows, he knows damn well Mingi is much stronger than his fears, but when you love someone so deeply it’s so easy to get scared of nothing, Wooyoung came to learn.
“...’m not” Mingi’s voice is low when the words come out, deeper, and slightly rougher than usual (he was probably half asleep) snapping the other boy out of his head. Mingi shifts in the bed to make him space - a futile action, considering how big these hotel beds were, and Wooyoung takes a total of two seconds (maybe less) to take his place there.
Their bodies shift and adjust almost automatically in the dark, Wooyoung positioning a couple of pillows against the headboard to support his back, and Mingi’s body smoothly sliding in between the tinier boy's legs, back leaning against his chest.
They grew familiar with this routine easily, Wooyoung sneaking in his room and under his covers to cuddle him, sometimes chatting about the day, sometimes watching an anime and, more often, to simply spend time with him while he slept in his arms, the new meds making Mingi extremely sleepy. It’s been two years now, and luckily the chats and movies outnumber the nights in which the boy is too sleepy to resist Wooyoung’s warmth, but Wooyoung wouldn’t mind if it was different. Another thing he came to learn during these years is that no matter the plan, he just needs to hold him in his arms for the day to feel complete.
“I thought it was churros night?” Mingi asks as he relaxes under the delicate touch of Wooyoung’s fingers playing with his short hair, a distracted “mhh, my nights are all taken by a big cuddly boy” coming out of Wooyoung’s mouth as he let his muscles loosen up after the long day of practice - and the extra workout he just pulled off before coming to the boy’s room.
“As if you never come to my room at 3 in the morning, you could’ve gone there before joining me, you’ve been craving some since the last time we came to Madrid” Mingi points out, slightly turning his torso enough to shoot him a pouty look - he doesn’t like when he cut out on his social wants to spend time with his introverted anxious ass. “I’m on a diet anyway” Wooyoung just shrugs, it’s always a good - and true - excuse and it’s better than yeah, but you’re so distant lately, I don’t wanna spend any free second apart.
Mingi lets it slide - because it’s been a long though day and he is a bit too selfish when it comes to snuggling with Wooyoung to set that aside and have THE big talk, switching the toping “I’ve found a new anime I’d like to watch together” and Wooyong just nods.
The ability to not indulge his best friend quite not mastered yet - Yeosang would tell him that it’s hard to master an ability if you don’t even try to do so, but Yeosang isn’t here, so.
He leaves a soft kiss on the back of Mingi’s head before switching on the bedside lamp and follow his instructions to get Mingi's laptop from the nightstand next to the bed and hands it to him so that he can start the anime. They follow the scenes running on the screen in peaceful silence, focusing on the story displayed in front of their eyes - maybe Wooyoung is a bit more focused on his fingers tracing random shapes on the other man’s chest, his hand taking advantage of the deep neckline of Mingi’s t-shirt to leave soft, comforting touches on his warm skin.
Mingi feels all the tension built up in his muscles through the day leave his body and, caress after caress, he slowly drifts off without realizing it. It’s always easier to fall asleep when Wooyoung is there.
The younger boy, on his side, doesn’t know how much time has passed nor at which episode he lost his battle against sleep following Mingi into dreamland when he’s abruptly awakened by the sudden movement of Mingi, no longer laying in his arms.
The boy is completely seated, almost at the edge of the bed, with a hand on his chest as he feels his breathing getting thicker and heavier and his heart running a mile a minute.
It takes half a second for Wooyoung to register the situation, instantly stopping the anime and moving the laptop back to the nightstand to make space in front of him, it's like he's going on auto-pilot, knowing this scene quite well.
“What happened?” he asks, shifting from his half-seated position to his knees in an attempt to get back closer to Mingi, but all he gets back is a dry and distant “it's nothimg, I’m fine.”
He sighs as he pushes some hair locks escaped from his little ponytail away from his eyes, “Min please, let me hel-”
“No, I’m fine, I’m fine Wooyoung” his friend repeats robotically, almost as if he practised those words, rehearsed them over and over again in his head before letting them out.
Wooyoung takes a deep breath picking his following words with extreme carefulness “Mangi, it’s just us, you don’t need to hide that part of yourself and pretend”, he pauses to move a bit closer to Mingi who’s still struggling with his breath and, once close enough to him, he leaves his hand hanging in the air as he waits for a silent okay to touch him. When Mingi nods, he’s quick to connect his fingertips to the boy’s hair again with tender touches.
“I know it hurts to let yourself feel when it comes to your struggles with anxiety, but you don’t have to deal with it alone. Let me in, it’s just me” the begging tone, the hurt and worries displyed on plain sight in his voice making Mingi's heart shrink.
Mingi knows it’s just Wooyoung.
Wooyoung whose eyes always manage to be on him at every interview, show, or event since he came back, silently taking care of him, noticing if he is spacing out and needs some grounding minutes before he could realise it himself.
Wooyoung who is always instantly by his side to anchor him, sometimes with a hand resting on his thigh, gentle fingers running up and down, some other times scraping his neck in the cute tender way he knows Mingi loves, a gentle whisper in his ear " it’s safe here, you’re with me, okay? I’m with you".
Wooyoung, who took it upon himself to practice and master all of Mingi’s favorite recipes so that he could leave him food for the whole day when the group was out shooting and practicing during his hiatus.
Mingi knows it’s just Wooyoung, it’s I’m always there for you Wooyoung, but he also knows that he’s Mingi, I’m always just taking from you Mingi, and he hates himself for being so selfish with the most loving, selfless person life could possibly gift him with.
"Can you…" Wooyoung doesn’t need for him to finish the sentence, he knows exactly what Mingi needs as he leaves his spot and Mingi shifts back to where he was sitting when he fell asleep in Wooyoung’s arms. This time he is the one leaning against the pillows while the smaller boy climbs on his lap, legs straddling his tiny waist.
Wooyoung is quick to leave a soft kiss on Mingi’s nose, a kiss that means thank you for letting me in before laying down, head heavy on his chest.
༓☾ a year before
“I did some research!” Wooyoung chirps as he enters Mingi’s dorm room “apparently, there are these blankets, they are called weighted blankets and Google says” he pauses in the middle of the room to unlock his phone, proceeding to recite the whole internet definition out loud “that they create firm pressure on the body and that it can benefit people who have anxiety or stress."
When he finally lifts his sparkly eyes to look at Mingi, he finds the boy looking back at him with a soft smile. They’ve known each other for years now, but Mingi still can’t believe a person as tender in his love as Wooyoung is, can be real.
“So, you bought me one?” he jokes, his playful expression morphing into a shocked one when Wooyoung nods enthusiastically. No matter how much his life is sucking at the moment, he’s never felt as lucky as having Wooyoung next to him makes him feel.
They spent the whole afternoon chatting, watching movies, and sleeping, enjoying each other’s company since Wooyoung was finally having a break from the group’s hectic schedule, when Mingi starts feeling his mind getting clouded by all the thoughts and worries that have been bothering him for the past months, the familiar feeling of anxiety spreading over his chest.
“Mhh that blanket could really come in hand right now, you know? I wonder if it’d work” he says, his voice a mix of hope, sadness, and a pinch of playfulness because you're not letting it hurt you that much if you joke about it, right?
“I read a lot of positive reviews about it, it doesn’t do miracles but people say it makes it a bit better. But,” Wooyoung stops mid-sentence to ponder “if the logic is that you need firm pressure against your body, it should work if I lay on you, right?”
Mingi gives him a confused look, eyes squinted trying to imagine what he was talking about while there’s still an ongoing marathon of worries clouding his mind, so Wooyoung decides action will work better than words. He stands up from the spot he’s occupying on his friend's bed and easily straddles him, delicately pushing him to lay down and following his body so that he can lay down on him, chest against chest, his face hiding in the crook of Mingi’s neck.
“Can you breathe with me? Follow my rhythm?” he asks with such delicacy that Mingi feels like crying, his heart shattered into a million pieces. He simply nods - talking would make the tears hanging at the verge of his eyes fall - and focus on the rhythm of Wooyoung’s breath, the gentle pressure of his body on him making him feel safe and comforted. They spend what feels like hours in silence, Mingi rhythmically trading his fingers through Wooyoung’s dark, long locks “I think Google is right” he whispers, almost afraid to break the peace of his mind. “Yeah?” Wooyoung chuckles as he raises his head from Mingi’s chest to meet his eyes, looking for confirmation, a big smile spreading through his face when Mingi nods again.
From that day he has been using the new weighted blanket only when Wooyoung isn't around.
༓☾ present
“Do you wanna talk about it?” Wooyoung is cautious to ask when he feels Mingi calmed down.
“I… I don’t know, I think it’s because we are touring? And it’s all so packed and intense, and” he pauses giving time to his brain to translate his thoughts and sensations into coherent words “I have to be present, I need to give my 100% for the show, for the fans every single night and it’s so overwhelming I feel like I can’t stop for a single second or it'll crash all down again and I don’t even want to stop, I don’t want to stop again Young-ah, I don’t…” Mingi lets out the last words almost in a begging tone and Wooyoung feels his heart breaking all over again at the sight of Mingi’s teary eyes filled with fear as he chokes out “I don’t wanna go back to square one.”
“I’m sorry Mingi, I’m so sorry” Wooyoung tries his best to hold his tears and lets his hand reach Mingi’s face to caress his cheek lovingly “thank you for sharing it with me, yeah? You don’t have to figure it out all by yourself. We won’t let it go as down as it did before, do you still have your therapist's number? She said you could always call her, didn’t she?” He doesn’t know how Wooyoung manages to do that, but even in the worst scenario he always tries to find a way out - Mingi loves it about him.
Sometimes he thinks he should learn to be a bit more like him, because Wooyoung won’t always be around to hold his pieces and find ways to glue them back together.
“Min, baby you in here?” he doesn’t realize he has zoned out until he hears the pet-name slipping out of Wooyoung’s lips, it’s so rare that Mingi wishes he was brave enough to tell him he loves when he calls him that.
What he doesn’t love just as much is the fear hidden behind the soft tone, the one that comes out in Wooyoung voice when he thinks he's gone too far, taken up too much space in someone else's persona life.
He hates that Wooyoung lives his life feeling as if he’s taking a space he doesn’t deserve in people’s lives, whatever he thinks, feels, says, there’s always that silly little voice in the back of his brain who tells him it’s not his place, he’s wasting people’s time, nobody asked and nobody really wants that from him.
The boy opened about it to him once, but even that time, Wooyoung was quick to dismiss the topic and Mingi too deep into his own shit to fight it as he wanted to, but even with all Wooyoung's efforts to hide his insecurities and problems to not bug Mingi, they’ve spent enough time together for him to figure it out. He wishes he could show him that even if he took all of Mingi’s space and time with his ideas, thoughts and bubbly personality, Mingi would ask him for even more.
“If you don’t feel like calling her again it’s okay, we can try together or maybe look for a new one? It’s not my place to say any of this but I think it’s the best thin-” so Mingi stops him mid-sentence.
“You’re lovely.”
The words coming out before he could even realize they were in his mind “and it’s 100% your place, it is Wooyoung… damn if it wasn’t already, I’d want it to be” Wooyoung’s eyes sparkles, even if just slightly, and Mingi finds himself speaking again without having to think about what to say just to keep those sparkles there “I wouldn’t have make it halfway where I am right now if you hadn’t been by my side the whole time, so yeah it kinda is your place to suggest something like that” he smiles reassuringly at the younger boy who smiles back at him, not fully convinced yet, but surely less insecure about his suggestion.
“I’ll text her tomorrow morning… or afternoon? I’ll check what time it is in Seoul before maybe, but yeah, yeah I’ll text her” he then confirms, a sudden yawn escaping his mouth and making both of them giggle.
“That sounds like a good plan, now let’s try to sleep… Do you feel okay?”
Mingi answers with a simple nod of his head and adjusts both of them more comfortably ignoring Wooyoung’s attempt to get off of him and into a normal sleeping position “but not enough to have you sleep anywhere else, please?”
The request comes out timidly, because it doesn’t matter how many times this exact same scene happened, he will never get used at how easily his vulnerability comes out when Wooyoung’s around, the big cool though boy facade fading into the comfort his friend radiates.
Wooyoung doesn’t answer and simply leans more comfortably on the man’s chest, scared of what his voice would’ve sounded like if he did.
During these years he learned to handle a lot of things coming from Mingi: his insecurities, his intrusive thoughts, his silly ideas, his tantrums, his bad and his good days, even his physical affection, but he doesn’t recall him being so vocal about his place next to him, and so he’s never had the chance to train his heart to handle that without starting to run a mile a minute.
When he feels like his voice won't betray him, he settles for an easy and safe "goodnight Mingi."
“Goodnight Youngie” Mingi whispers back switching off the light.
Wooyoung waits for Mingi’s breath to fall flat and sound relaxed enough for a sleeping person and then raises his head to leave a soft kiss on his cheek followed by softly whispered words “I’m so proud of you, I think I’m in love with you.”