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It’s been three days since Darius was included in one of Collector’s games. He almost missed them. As uncomfortable as having his puppetified body manipulated so he could participate in a play-pretend tea party, or a fight, or an adventure was, from a certain angle, it beat the mind-numbing boredom of guarding Eda’s and Lilith’s “cell”. Every moment seemed like an eternity and a fraction of a second at the same time, his body felt weightless and his senses about as numb as he downed a whole bottle of mudberry wine
He wasn’t even sure if it truly had been three days. Between the sluggish, foggy state of his mind and lack of any proper way to track the passage of time, more time could’ve easily passed by without him realizing it. The closest indication he had was how often King would visit Eda.
He would come approximately once a day to, quote-unquote, and check on Eda’s progress.
Eda was very much fine. Well, as fine as one could be in this situation, Darius assumed. She wasn’t in her beast form and Darius was grateful. Not just out of basic concern for his friend, but because he was worried that the Owl Beats may see Raine, Eber of his puppet self and decide that they look like nice, sparkly chew toys
He didn’t care much for the other coven heads set up as guards alongside the trio. In fact, the Owl Beast chewing on Graye or Hettie would be a highlight of his day!
This way, the highlights of his day were usually Eda’s ramblings and stories. At first, he assumed she would only visit Raine. Then he found himself feeling guilty for said assumption as she took care to talk to him and Eber almost daily. She would sit by the bars, and he would listen to her musings which varied from schmaltzy speeches to Raine (if he wanted to, he’d have blackmail material for life), random funny or ridiculous stories, cute stories about her kids which would usually end with her crying, or just straight-up depressing thoughts.
He couldn’t blame her. She may have been in a slightly better situation than they were, but she was not to be envied either. Sometimes, Lilith would join too. It felt like the most messed up version of telling campfire stories.
That day, Eda managed to draw a funny story from her memory. One in which she was nearly arrested in the human realm and somehow managed to convince the policemen, who were the human equivalent to scouts, that she was a human actress just strolling about in anonymity.
Darius never thought that the statement Eda Clawthorne’s yammerings were what kept me sane would apply to him, but it was true.
He also had to admit he took some spiteful joy whenever Eda would have a bad day and would pettily take it out on the other coven heads. Was it a bit cruel for her to stand there, listing all the mistakes Hettie, Graye and the others made and rubbing them into their faces, never refraining from full-on ad hominem attacks? Maybe. But he couldn’t care less.
One of them used his best friend’s life to stop him from fighting, and if he didn’t have enough reasons to dislike Graye before, he sure did after he learned what that witch did at Hexside. He only regretted being unable to join Eda in her roasting. He almost wished Terra was also there. He knew Eda would have a few choice words for a witch who tried to brainwash Raine.
Eda’s story about the human realm inevitably brought the kids to both of their minds, as Eda voiced his own thoughts.
“At least Luz and the others are safe in the human realm,” she said, “your kid too.”
There was a time he would think she was saying it in jest. But not anymore.
And his brain was too slow, his emotions too numb to properly explore how he personally felt about Hunter being referred to as his kid.
The general conclusion though was, he really, really liked the idea but he wasn't entirely certain if he earned the right to call Hunter that after everything. In other words, his feelings were unchanged since before he was turned into a puppet.
Hunter was on his mind a lot. How could he not be? The last few weeks before the Day of Unity came as a surprise to him. From (unfairly) disliking the kid, to pettily mocking him, to being slapped in the face by just how the kid had it and the accompanying guilt and, to his surprise, care. With the exception of Eber and his own mother, he didn’t care for a single person like that in a long time.
But from his position, he couldn’t plan on what to do about it, nor could he even untangle just how he felt about Hunter. Did he really see him as his own clild? And what did that mean for their future?
It was difficult to even plan for the future from his current position.
So he just clung to that one thought.
The kids were safe in the human realm.
Hunter was safe in the human realm.
What did that mean, exactly? Aside from the things Eda told (and, while she was a friend, he had a feeling she was not the most reliable narrator) and Belos’ hints about the other realm (and he was an incomparably worse narrator than Eda), he knew nothing about the human world.
Was Hunter happy there? Was he cared for? Did he have anything to eat? Could witches even eat human food?
Hunter was with his friends, but what could five lost kids do in a world that was only familiar to one of them?
Were they truly safe? Was he truly safe? Or did they just trade a really shitty situation for a mildly shitty one?
After everything his been through, Belos, the coven trials, Darius’ own density and meanness, ending up in the Emperor’s mind, the fallout that followed, the attack on Hexside, Hunter deserved some peace and happiness. Did he get them? Did any of the kids?
Luz’s mum was, presumably, waiting for her daughter to come back from another realm. But would she take on four additional teenagers she didn’t know?
Eda shared a few stories she knew about Luz and her mother. She pointedly did it for his sake.
“You’re probably worried about Blondie, huh? Well, no need, from what I know about Luz’s mum, she’s a good one!”
He felt vague gratitude towards her. And towards King, for saving the rest of the children. All of his feelings were, in fact, vague. On the one hand, with the amount of negative ones he would probably currently feel otherwise, it wasn’t that bad of a deal.
On the other, he couldn’t feel proper care for people like Eber or Hunter, or even feel something small like proper amusement at Eda’s funny stories.
It felt like being drunk and depressed at the same time, except even when he was depressed his mood would oscillate more. He wondered what being turned back into a regular witch would feel like. He knew it was possible, it happened to Lilith, but while she said it was confusing, she was only a puppet for a few days.
He didn’t care much, though. Even if it was the most overwhelming experience of his life, he’d welcome it. Because anything would beat the utter lack of anything, and the boredom this state brought.
That evening, something was different. There was a sense of dread he couldn’t get rid of. Nothing was happening. He tried to use his weakened hearing to detect if something was going on, but there were no strange sounds from the archives. Neither Eda nor Lilith said anything bad. King didn’t come with any bad news, such as someone else they knew being turned into a puppet for a few days now.
Maybe that was it? Dreading the inevitable bad news one of the days that King visited.
But this was worse than a regular premonition akin to what one would feel before getting sick on an important meeting day. It clutched at his heart and gut like a vice, and it wouldn’t let go. He felt restless but without the ability to move.
What was going on?
Then the dread started to turn into sorrow. It was a choking, horrible feeling that completely blindsided him.
Stronger than a single emotion he felt ever since he was turned into a puppet, sadness and despair on a magnitude he could barely comprehend at the moment. He felt like he was watching something awful happening, as if he lost something or someone close to his heart, except he had no context for it. The why was banging at the head of his mind as the sorrow pressed on his chest weighing like a ton.
He didn’t feel sorrow like this since…
Since Justin.
But it was even worse this time. Because if he felt this bad in his numb, puppet-state, how bad would it be if he was awake? What happened?
He wasn’t thinking about Justin. And even if he was, as much as he missed his mentor, it’s been decades since thinking about him brought this level of acute sadness. Even on the memorial of his presumed death, it hasn’t been this bad for years.
Did something happen to someone else? But with the kids gone to the human realm, who was left on the Isles that Darius cared this much for? Eber and Raine were next to him. King told him a few weeks back that he and Collector found a woman who looked remarkably like him, so he knew his mother was safe-ish in the archives.
The pressure in his chest was sickening, suffocating. He felt like screaming, but he couldn’t open his mouth. He felt like curling up on himself, but, of course, he couldn’t move.
Something hot and wet trickled down his face and he realized he was crying. He didn’t even know he could cry. He couldn’t stop, he couldn’t wipe his tears. He just stood there, with the gloomy hole in his chest and tears falling down his face, drowning in despair without even knowing why he was drowning.
The feeling wouldn’t go away, and it felt like it had been going on for forever. All of a sudden, he couldn't get Hunter out of his mind and, for some reason, fear joined the sorrow he felt. It clawed at his stomach and his heart, it was all-consuming and, for once, he was glad for his currents numbness.
The last thing he wanted was to experience this at a full scale.
The tapping of small feet in the distance managed to pierce through his sadness. He realized it must be evening and Eda’s kid was about to come any minute. Even in the dreadful state he was in, he had enough sense not to want to alarm a child, especially one with so much on his plate already, so he tried calming down but couldn't. The tears wouldn’t stop and he couldn’t close his eyes to slow them down nor could he wipe them away.
He could just helplessly stand there, crying while not knowing why. Something awful happened, he knew, but he didn’t have any more information about it.
Unable to calm down, to suppress the inexplicable grief he felt, he waited for Eda’s kid to round the corner. What if he came carrying some awful news? Would that help? Or just make things even worse?
A small, black figure entered the hallway. He couldn’t focus on him, his eyes locked in one position of the puppet form, so the image was blurry. But, as King got closer to them, he didn’t miss the small yelp the kid let out, and how he hurried once he passed half of the hall.
“What the…?” The kid scurried up to him, “What’s going on? Are you…crying?”
King sounded confused and worried. Even though his numb senses, Darius realized that this was probably not something normal, even from puppets. King spent days and nights surrounded by them, if it was normal or at least common, he wouldn’t be this surprised.
“Since when can you guys do that? Did something happen? Will you guys wake up? Darius? Eber? Why are you two the only ones teary?”
Well, King did get him some news. Eber was apparently also crying. Darius only felt worse thinking that his best friend felt as awful as he did. Eber and nobody else? Not even Raine?
Why him and Eber? Were they the only puppets who cried among the coven heads, or among the puppets in general?
“Hey, hey! Can you guys hear me? Can you talk or do something? Um…sorry about this,” Darius felt King climbing up his leg and over his torso till he perched on his shoulder, poking his cheek lightly, “You…you can’t talk yet, right? You aren’t awake, you just…cry? Is there a reason?”
King sounded almost disappointed, but also worried and sad.
“Um…Eda! Eda!” King called, “Eda come here!”
“King! Oh my, you’re early,” Darius heard Eda’s voice coming from behind him, “Wait, why the shouting? You sound worried! Did something happen?”
“Um, I don’t know? I know you like talking to Raine and Darius and Eber. Did you talk about something sad today?”
“No? I was telling them that story when I tricked the cops into thinking I’m an actress! Even Lilith with her lack of the sense of humour found it funny-”
“I DON’T LACK A SENSE OF HUMOUR!”
“-so yeah, not tragic for anyone aside for the intelligence levels of those cops. Why?”
“Um…Darius and Eber are crying…”
“What?”
“Yeah, look,” King climbed down Darius' body, “Sorry, but I gotta turn you around. I know you don’t like whale this thing with being a puppet and moved around, but just this once.”
If he wasn’t feeling stifling sorrow, Darius may even find the sentiment endearing. This way, he just wanted the grief to go away.
He was turned around and was facing Eda. It was never easy seeing the inside of her “cell”. He was a puppet, so were his friends and the friends that weren’t puppets were prisoners. And Eda was a mess.
“Ok, that is strange,” she reached out through the bars with her remaining hand, but not enough to actually touch him. He was glad. He felt his body stiffen in alarm like it did every time something or someone other than King tried to pass the bar. The last thing he wanted was to be put in alert mode now. “Come on, guys my story wasn’t that bad,” she said, humourlessly. “Do you think they are shaking the spell off?” she asked King.
“I don’t know. Maybe? But why the tears?”
“Good question,” Eda said, “Darius isn’t the crying type. I’d expect him to be more…angry…if he was turning back. What’s on your mind, Daemonne?”
Her voice was compassionate, and her hand lingered at the bars as if she wanted to offer comfort, but they both knew she couldn’t reach him without making things worse.
If only I knew, he thought. This way, the only things on his mind were anguish and heavy feelings of…loss? Why loss? What did he lose? He felt like, if he could, he would hyperventilate.
“Nothing happened here, right?” King asked,
“No, perfectly normal morning. Well, normal is a generous term. On your end?”
“Same. As normal as it can be. Nothing…more tear-inducing than usual. And even if it happened…if you guys didn’t know, how would Darius and Eber?”
“I…I don’t know,” Eda sighed. “Dang it I wish I knew what was up so I could say something comforting.”
Well, that makes two of us! Her compassion was touching, but it couldn’t break through the horrible feeling that nestled in his chest.
For a moment, they all just stood there. Eber and Darius held up by the Collector’s magic and Eda and King by helplessness.
Suddenly, he felt something hug his leg. For a moment, he hoped that maybe the puppet spell really was losing its effect and Eber hugged him, but he quickly realised that wasn’t Eber's hug. He couldn’t look down, but he knew it was King.
The kid quickly let go and, in his peripheral view, he could see that King also hugged Eber.
It was cute.
The horrible feeling started to leave as suddenly as it started, his chest feeling lighter, the grief no longer there. It was a nice thought that a hug from a child was what helped but he knew that wasn’t true. There was another reason for it, and he had a nasty feeling about that too.
As the ball of grief and despair in his chest dissolved, there was still a lingering feeling of wrongness. Something happened, something awful and he didn’t know what, and he couldn’t do anything to change it. He couldn’t even scream his throat out like he wanted to.
“I’d offer a hug too, but, you know,” Eda said from behind the bars, “Don’t think it would help much. Don’t want to make you attack me.”
The part of him that wasn’t freaking out appreciated the sentiment.
As the sorrow in his chest lessened, he stopped uncontrollably crying, his eyes getting dryer. The bad feelings weren’t entirely gone, but he no longer felt like he was drowning in them.
Did something awful really happen, or did he just have some sort of anxiety attack? The theory would have some credence if Eber didn’t have the same happen to them.
“It stopped,” King said as he let Eber go, “both stopped crying! I hope, I hope you guys feel better.”
Darius wasn’t sure what he’d answer if he could. Frankly, if he could do anything he would be more likely to go and try to figure out what the heck was going on. But, alas, he helplessly stood there with the still-present weight in his chest next to Eber who probably felt the same, helpless and the three people who were willing to help were currently as helpless as he was.
The lingered for a bit longer, before King turned him around, muttering something about how they must plan what to do about Collector.
There was a part of him that wanted them to stay.
…..
Darius sat on an improvised bench, one he made from abomination matter, in front of the Owl House. With his villa being placed on Right Shoulder of all places, he was lucky to still have a house, but it was too damaged to safely inhabit it. So, he, Eber, and Hunter decided to spend a few nights at Eda’s.
My house may look like a mess, or rather empty as shit, but we always got room.
He appreciated it, especially as the weight of everything started to set in.
After their reunion at the Archives, the first few hours he spent focusing on Hunter and his wellbeing. But now, after the boy let out some of his emotions out and took a quick nap, he looked…maybe not happy but doing ok considering the circumstances.
He actually seemed excited talking to Luz and King, especially as it turned out that those two wrote his favourite book. There was still a certain hollowness in Hunter’s gaze, but he was smiling. It was one of the few things that kept Darius from having a full-on mental breakdown.
Because he finally knew the reason for that horrible sadness and fear and feeling of wrongness a few days ago. And why Hunter came to his mind while he was experiencing it.
Hunter died.
He was killed by Belos in the worst way possible.
If there was a single thing Darius envied Eda, Raine and King for it was that they were able to stomp Belos to death.
Hunter died.
And he wasn’t there to help.
If it was not for the sacrifice of Hunter’s palisman, he wouldn’t be here.
Darius couldn’t stop thinking about that. How should he?
Hunter died. His heart stopped.
Just thinking about it made that awful feeling return.
There was a small part of him that almost wanted to go back to being a puppet. At least the feelings were number then. At least he could enjoy the bliss of ignorance.
Guilt also settled in. Hunter was in the human realm because he sent him on a mission. Yes, a whole lot of other things happened in the meantime but if Darius figured out a way to keep Hunter at Hexside, the kid wouldn’t have died. He may have been turned into a puppet or would have to deal with whatever mess the Hexside kids had to deal with, but he would’ve lived through all of that.
How should he even address that? Hunter died and was brought back to life. There were many things Darius worried about but for a good chunk of them, he could probably find a book or two as a guideline.
This was a pretty unique situation.
And what was with his sudden premonition? He was never good at oracle magic, not even before taking the abomination sigil.
Was it some type of sixth sense? There were times when Eber was in trouble, and Darius would feel like something was happening or about to happen. Was this similar?
He found his gaze falling on Camila Noceda, who was chatting with Eda and Raine a few years away from him. He realized that his and Hunter’s situation wasn’t as unique as there was literally another kid who also died, and his parent was not there to see her.
Wait, when exactly did he start to think of himself as Hunter’s parent?
Seeing a kid as his own was one thing. But actual parent.
He didn’t dislike the idea.
He wondered if it was a thing. Feeling that horror when your kid is in trouble and you are far away, He always thought it to be just fiction, or an exaggeration at the least.
Did Camila experience it too? How was he even supposed to ask that? She was basically a stranger!
They did form a rapport during the short conversation they had. They both started slightly suspicious of the other. Darius couldn’t blame her and she didn’t blame him.Hunter did appear with multiple new scars. Granted, she did (try to) save him from drowning. It wasn't her fault that Belos (tried) to make sure Hunter did not wake up.
What an awful thing to bond over with a person Hey both of our kids died why we were not present and then they came back and we have no idea how to deal with it,
Well, the two of them and Eda. He knew that she saw Luz as her own. And not that he envied her, as she was there to see it happen, but at least she didn’t have to deal with someone coming to tell her Hey, your kid died!
He should've found a way to keep Hunter out of the action that wouldn't lead to that! But he didn't, and now...
He felt something hit his side, and realized he was sitting with his head between his hands. It was a good thing Hunter was distracted because he probably looked very concerning.
Eber was trying to nuzzle into his side, and he moved to be able to hug them.
Remembering it too?
“Yeah, can’t get that feeling off my mind,” Darius muttered. “Eber he…” Darius couldn’t finish that sentence out loud. He had to suppress his tears. The last thing Hunter needed right now was to see him cry.
I know. But alive now.
“But if he wasn’t there, if I haven’t sent him on that stupid half-fake mission he wouldn’t have…” He covered his mouth, stifling a sob.
Not your fault Dari. Not our fault. Eber said, placing themselves on his lap. The way they said it, the use of us made Darius realize he was not the only one dealing with a supposedly misplaced sense of guilt.
“Well, any suggestions on how to stop feeling guilty? Or awful in general?”
Not know, Dari, Eber said, uncharacteristic amount of vulnerability in their voice, but figure it out. Together.