Chapter Text
He would have given anything to turn back the clock. He knew that if he closed his eyes he could still take refuge in the memories of the week before, he could still hear his own laughter, loud and real and clear from too much beer, from too much guinness. If he closed his eyes and tried hard, he could feel a little happiness, even if it was just a memory.
He felt ungrateful. He should be content, he should be happy, this was what he was supposed to want. Milan was a beautiful place, the fashion show had gone well and yet he couldn't ignore the overwhelming feeling growing inside his stomach.
It hadn't been ten minutes since he had arrived at the hotel when his manager knocked on the door of the room. He let her in without excuse, after all she looked and must have been as exhausted as he was.
"Maybe you should watch this," she said, holding out the phone.
Nicola's face appeared before his eyes, he could recognise it was an old video, shot on set, he had seen her almost five months in a row and although he once thought her face would bore him, he would have given anything to talk to her at that moment. No matter who or whom it bothered.
Without thinking twice he clicked on the Tik Tok video.
"Because if you think about it...I was the best thing that ever happened to him. Actually, I pity him. Because I get to walk away and be me and he has to walk away and stay him..." if the audio said anything else, Luke couldn't hear it, normally a video like that wouldn't have affected him, for months he had seen Nic record videos, delete them, edit them or save them, he had even participated in some, however, this was different , something in his heart said it was clear that they wanted to send him a message and they had succeeded.
He read a couple of comments on the video before slowly dropping the phone on the desk.
Yeah, great.
If he thought he was exhausted, he'd been wrong. He would have liked to cry right there, scream even, he would have liked to know how to get some of what he was feeling out. Instead he sat on the bed, he knew he had two pairs of eyes waiting for his answer, but he was unable to respond. After all, time had taught him that any kind of comment could create problems.
How ironic , he thought, he had been thinking about Nic just a few minutes ago, about her laughter and how he wished this weekend she was the one to help him cope with the situation, the people, the stress.
The feeling was clearly not mutual.
He knew his silence annoyed Antonia, they had been months apart and yet he knew that if he looked into her eyes she would make a comment and so far he had stayed on his phone trying to ignore the situation, clearly she had failed completely.
He supposed he couldn't blame her for being upset. If he was honest with himself, he didn't care anymore. Not really.
"I need to know what we're doing, I'm not going to ask you to read the comments again because it won't help you at all. It seems like people are taking sides, it's really toxic and above all, overwhelming..." the woman commented, exhausted. "I'll write to Nicola's team, someone must be awake by now".
He stared at the floor.
What was he supposed to answer? What was he supposed to do? When he had been approached with the idea of separating his image from Nic it hadn't seemed wrong, it had seemed coherent, this way she could enjoy this moment of success as well as him, he supposed as with so many other things, he had been wrong.
How was it possible that a couple of days seemed like centuries? That everything felt so wrong?.
"Luke," said the girl, meeting his gaze, "is there anything in particular you want me to tell them... Nicola's team?"
"Don't call them, don't bother them, it's nearly two in the morning in London"
She gave him a puzzled look back.
"So? What's on your mind?"
"Nic"
"What about Nicola?" she replied exhausted.
"I'll call her now, I need to... I'll talk to her."
"She's probably not awake, tomorrow is Monday and besides she started shooting her film, right?"
"She's awake."
Without further explanation he took his phone and went out to the hotel balcony, it had a beautiful view. The streets were empty, the lights generated a sense of peace and tranquillity in the intensity of the night. He wanted more than ever to feel as peaceful as the streets in front of him.
He looked for Nic's contact to write, not surprised to see that he had been online only a few minutes ago.
[02:04, 17/06/2024] Luke: Are you awake?
[02:04, 17/06/2024] Nic Coughlan: I've just gone to bed, is everything okay?
[02:05, 17/06/2024] Luke: Can I call you?
[02:05, 17/06/2024] Nic Coughlan: Always.
His phone was vibrating before he could press the call icon. He allowed himself one last sigh before answering the call.
"How is everything going in Milan?" he heard her say through the phone.
"That's what you think of me?" asked Luke immediately, as if he had needed to throw up that question. He thought he had spoken low, in a whisper, but he must not have because Nicola, who always had something to say, remained silent.
"What do you mean?" he heard her say after a couple of seconds that seemed like an eternity.
"Your Tik Tok, Nic. Is that what you think of me? That I didn't learn anything, that I started going my own way, that you're the best thing that ever happened to me, explain it to me, because I'm not getting it," he said in anguish. "I'm tired, Nic. Please, whatever it is you have to say, just say it."
Nicola sighed.
"You're the best thing that's happened to me, at least in the last few months..." Nic replied on the other end of the phone. "I'm fine if you don't feel the same, I didn't think I'd want to go back on tour, for weeks I thought all I wanted to do was rest. You want me to tell you what I have to say, fine. I miss you."
It was his moment of silence, he hadn't expected to hear those words. They stayed like that for a few minutes, they had somehow gotten used to communicating that way, with silences, with smiles and with looks. At some point in the filming they had all made it known to each other, it was something that everyone saw, even those who said nothing about it.
"Problem solved" commented Nic snapping him out of his thoughts after a couple of minutes.
"What did you do?" he asked in surprise.
"The video was deleted. I hadn't looked at the comments, I didn't think... Luke, I'm sorry."
After months of touring and almost five years of knowing each other, Luke, despite being hours away, he knew, had made her cry. It was after midnight in London and he'd made the only person who probably understood him cry at the time.
"Nic... I'm sorry too" He hadn't specified what he meant, there were so many things that had gone wrong, which at that moment seemed wrong. Which one was he apologising for? Maybe it didn't matter, he knew Nic would understand.
"Who's there with you, who can hear what I'm saying?" asked Nicola then.
His heart was racing hard, he looked carefully into the room and could see how both girls were chatting sitting at a small meeting table, they didn't look particularly happy but neither did they look worried about whatever it was he was doing.
"No one can hear you," he said, for some reason, excited. "I'm on the balcony of the room, there's no one here."
"Right. I was looking at pictures of us when you called. They emailed the Washington Post photos in high quality. You look hot, We look hot." she said jokingly for the first time since the call had started.
Luke felt a smile appear on his face. His smile disappeared when Nicola said, "Lukey. I need to know how you're doing?"
"Yeah, honestly, I don't know."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
He took a few seconds to ask himself, for the first time over the weekend, whether or not he wanted to talk about how overwhelming the last few days had been. He looked back into the room, everything was the same as it had been a couple of minutes ago.
"I miss you too" he then said in a faint whisper, automatically a feeling of guilt grew inside him, before the bravery left his body he spoke again. "I was thinking about us, how good I feel every time you're around, how I wish I could hold your hand again even if it's just for an event..."
"Can you see the moon?"
"Yes. I can see the moon."
"Don't you think it looks deformed tonight?"
"No... just excessively bright."
"Well, I was just confirming that you weren't lying to me," she commented as she laughed. Luke noticed a warm air spread across his skin, he couldn't help but smile at the warm feeling. "See, you're over there, looking at the moon from a nice balcony in Milan and I'm here, it's my messy flat in London. We're a distance apart but still we're looking at the same sky. Together."
"Nic, I wish you were here that..." He couldn't finish what he was thinking. The conversation was interrupted by a light knock on the window.
Great .
He knew Nicola had heard the knock when she said "don't say goodbye. I've got a plan. Put on a loudspeaker."
Luke felt his heart beating fast, he wasn't sure what to do, or how to act, but if he knew one thing, Nic would never betray him. "Nic, you're on loudspeaker."
"Hi everyone, I don't know who's really in there with you Luke, but as I was telling you, the Washington Post photos were sent a couple of hours ago, I think it's a good idea to post them."
"Hi Nicola, I saw the photos. The propaganda for Bridgerton ended exactly four days ago."
"I don't think we came to an agreement as to how to exploit or not exploit a story, or how extensive a campaign should be..." said Nicola distantly but confidently, using a completely different tone than a minute ago "but if I understand correctly, people think, for some reason, that there are problems between Luke and me. The way to silence that thought is to send a message."
"I haven't seen the pictures but it sounds like a good idea. Let's send a message." said Luke suddenly. He was tired of trying to do the right thing instead of going with his gut and his gut said Nicola was right, it was generally always like that.
He felt Antonia stand up in annoyance from her seat, he watched out of the corner of his eye as she locked herself in the bathroom.
"OK, let's publish the photos tomorrow before noon, is that OK with you?"
"No, I was thinking of doing it now."
"Nicola. It's almost 3 o'clock in the morning here in Milan, it doesn't make sense."
"It's good then that we have fans all over the world." explained Nicola. "I know it's late but people are watching, they're commenting, it's one thing you see on any Instagram account. You may not share the sentiment but timing is important."
Luke knew Nic had won the battle with that phrase, the famous timing was the only thing his team had heard for the last three days. Deep down he shared the sentiment too, he knew Nic was right.
"Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll leave you, I've got a couple of pictures to post."
"Yeah, right."
"Get some rest, Nicola"
"Thanks Nic, sleep well." said goodbye Luke picking up the phone to end the call, before he did he heard Nic speak once more.
"Before I go, did you happen to see the moon, from here it looks prettier than ever, it looks as beautiful as it does on Brazilian nights."
Luke couldn't help but smile.