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Cas sighed. “What is it like, Dean?”
Dean shook his head slightly, pulling his attention away from the movie that was playing. Cas had always been a master at non-sequiturs, but sometimes he still managed to catch Dean off-guard.
“What is what like?”
The former angel waved a hand at the television. “Dancing.”
“You’ve never -“ Dean stopped himself. “Of course you’ve never been dancing.” He paused, thinking the question through. The truth was, he wasn’t much of a dancer himself. “Well, there are a lot of different kinds of dancing.”
Cas seemed to take that in and then gestured at the movie again. “What about that kind of dancing?”
Dean turned his eyes back to the screen, letting out a quiet scene as he watched the couple dance slowly in their bedroom. Their arms were locked around one another and they were barely moving; for just a moment, Dean let his eyes close as he remembered what it was like to be that close to another person.
“It’s…it’s nice,” he finally said, tearing his eyes away from the screen. “I mean, I’ve only danced like that with someone a couple of times,” his thoughts drifted back for a moment to Lisa, “but it’s nice. It’s pretty comforting to be that close and comfortable with someone that you really care about.”
Cas was quiet for a moment. “Oh.”
Dean knew that his description hadn’t done much for his friend. He glanced around the room until he found what he was looking for, and then he shut the television off. Cas turned to look at him with a frown.
“What are you doing?”
Dean stood up, not meeting his eyes. “A man should know how to dance, dammit.” He walked over to Sam’s laptop and opened it, scrolling through his brother’s music collection for a minute before hitting play. Then he came back to Cas and gestured to him.
“Come on, man. Get up.”
Cas did so slowly, his forehead still creased in confusion. “You’re going to teach me to dance?”
Dean nodded. “Yeah.”
“How do you know how to dance?”
Dean shot him a look. “My mom taught me, okay? I mean, I was really young and stuff, but I remember dancing in the kitchen. She’d, uh, she’d have me stand on her feet and we’d dance to one of her records…” He trailed off, clearing his throat. “And then me and Sam were at Bobby’s once when I was teenager and Ellen was there…and she showed me how it was really done.” He rolled his eyes. “Does my experience rate high enough for you, Cas? I could always go see if Sammy’s willing -“
“No,” Cas said, cutting him off as he stepped closer. “I would be honored to dance with you, Dean. I was just surprised.”
Dean cleared his throat and restarted the song before closing the rest of the distance between them. “Yeah, well, I’m full of surprises.” He took a hold of Cas’ left hand with his right. “Now, I’m gonna let you lead so that you know how to do this right when you’re dancing with a chick.”
“But I don’t know how to lead, Dean.”
“Trust me, you’ll figure it out.” He took Cas’ other hand and wrapped it around his own waist before he wrapped his left arm around his friend’s shoulders. “Now we just move slowly.”
Dean leaned forward, letting his cheek touch Cas’ so that they wouldn’t have to make eye contact. This was weird enough, and he didn’t need things getting any more awkward than they already were. Instead, he closed his eyes and listened to the song.
Just before our love got lost you said
“I am as constant as a northern star” and I said
Constantly in the darkness
Where’s that at
If you want me I’ll be in the bar
On the back of a cartoon coaster
In the blue TV screen light
I drew a map of Canada
Oh Canada
With your face sketched on it twice
Dean stirred slightly. “Don’t tense up, Cas,” he murmured, his voice low and quiet. “You’re doing fine.”
Cas nodded, the movement causing his scruff to scratch against Dean’s own. The sensation was different, but pleasant, and Dean found himself pulling Cas just a little bit closer.
Oh you’re in my blood like holy wine
You taste so bitter
And so sweet
I could drink a case of you, darling
And I would still be on my feet
I’d still be on my feet
Cas turned his hand in Dean’s suddenly, entwining their fingers. The movement startled him, and Dean pulled back just enough that he could stare at their hands in disbelief. Cas leaned in and pressed his forehead against Dean’s temple, breathing him in as his other hand tightened in the small of Dean’s back.
I am a lonely painter
I live in a box of paints
I’m frightened by the devil
And I’m drawn to those ones that ain’t afraid
I remember that time you told me
Love is touching souls
Well surely you touched mine
‘Cause part of you pours out of me
In these lines from time to time
Oh you’re in my blood like holy wine
You taste so bitter
And so sweet
I could drink a case of you, darling
And I would still be on my feet
I’d still be on my feet
Dean let out a shaky breath, his fingers tightly tangled in the shoulder of Cas’ shirt. He could feel every inch of his friend pressed against him, and somehow it was completely different from the times when they had embraced before. The heat of their bodies mingled and it was like a buzz that went straight to Dean’s head. He was suddenly very aware of his own body, his skin feeling too small and stretched. He let out another shaky breath as they continued to sway slowly.
I met a woman
She had a mouth like yours
She knew your life
She knew your devils and your deeds and she said
Go to him
Stay with him if you can
But be prepared to bleed
Oh you’re in my blood like holy wine
You taste so bitter
And so sweet
I could drink a case of you, darling
And I would still be on my feet
I’d still be on my feet
Dean turned his head so that his forehead was pressed against Cas’, their faces so close that each breath was shared. He wasn’t surprised to find that Cas was staring at him, but once Dean met his eyes, there was no turning away. Everything else in the bunker just fell away into the darkness.
“Cas,” Dean breathed, his grip on him tightening.
Cas’ eyes dropped down for a moment and everything inside of Dean seemed to twist and drop into the pit of his stomach. He moved his head just slightly, just enough to brush his lips against the corner of Cas’ mouth, and his eyes slid shut of their own accord. Cas inhaled sharply at the contact, but then he was turning his head as well until their lips could meet fully, pressing against each other with cautious intention.
Dean had never kissed a man before, and the new sensations were amazing and overwhelming. He moved to kiss Cas again and again, his mouth tugging first as his bottom lip and then at the top, his body becoming greedy for rough drag of his skin against Cas’. His friend was right there with him, his mouth slowly opening under Dean’s ministrations.
And then his tongue was sliding along Dean’s and the floor seemed to disappear beneath him completely. Dean moaned and pressed himself completely against Cas, their feet no longer moving as they focused completely on discovering more of one another. Cas’ hand slid down and back up under Dean’s shirt, his short fingernails scratching against the skin.
Dean pulled his mouth away, breathing sharply, “Dammit, Cas,” he muttered.
He felt his friend’s body go still under his hands. “I’m sorry, Dean. Did I do something wrong?”
Dean shook his head, pressing his mouth unsteadily to Cas’ jaw. “No. I just…I need a minute.” He shook his head. “And I need you.” He kissed Cas hungrily. “Goddammit,” he breathed. “I just…I just need -“ He shook his head again as the words failed him.
Cas kissed him. “You have me, Dean. You have always had me. And I would do anything to give you what you need. You know that.”
Dean was still shaking his head. “It’s too much,” he said, his chest heaving as it became harder to breathe.
Cas frowned. “Do you need space? Do you need me to step away?”
At the thought of Cas not being pressed against him anymore, Dean’s fingers tightened convulsively on his shoulder.
“Don’t,” he said hurriedly.
Cas gave him a small smile as he locked his arm more firmly around Dean’s back. The move seemed to make the hunter relax just a fraction.
“I’m not going anywhere.” He paused, eyes dropping down to Dean’s mouth again. “I would very much like to kiss you again, Dean. If that’s okay with you, of course.”
Dean almost moaned out a ‘yes’ when his eyes snapped back up to Cas’. “How are you so calm about this?” he demanded. “How is this not having any effect on you?”
Cas’ smile grew and he chuckled quietly. “No effect?” he asked. “Dean, it feels as though there are a thousand bursting stars just beneath my skin. My head is buzzing, and it feels as though you have your hand wrapped around my heart instead of my shoulder.” He paused, tilting his head slightly. “I’m fairly certain that I am terrified. I’ve been intimate with a person before, but I have never felt that I truly understood the depth of the word until this moment with you. And I know that this is only the tip of the iceberg. You affect me in every way, Dean. Please don’t ever forget that.”
Throat tight and eyes wet, Dean lunged forward and captured Cas’ mouth with his own again, deepening it immediately. He kissed him slowly and completely, letting himself feel everything in its entirety. He slid a shaky hand up into Cas’ hair and took a firm hold, the movement suddenly grounding him.
He pulled away again, this time meeting his friend’s gaze with more confidence. “You wanna explore the rest of that iceberg?”
Cas thought for a moment. “Could the exploring be done naked and in your bed?”
Dean grinned and pulled the him close again.