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Jaskier was simply so easy to love. He was charming, with a radiant smile, and a way of speaking that sounded like poems were practically dancing through the air. His brilliant smile lit up his already bright eyes, crinkling the skin beside them into beautiful lines. He brightened every room he entered with his easygoing and cheerful nature.
Jaskier had held the room captive that evening with his rowdy and cheerful songs. Geralt had been off on a hunt outside of town and had left his two travel companions behind to make some coin, Jaskier had already been well known to the town and they had been tipping well, and (Y/N) was pleased to find an open stall at the weekend market to sell her tinctures and salves made from wild herbs she gathered on their travels. The hunt was taking Geralt a few days, and the two had not been disappointed to spend some time alone together in such a quaint and lively village. This particular evening had been especially fruitful for the bard, and he had purchased a slice of strawberry cake for them to share as a special treat, they rarely indulged in such things while Geralt was around. Afterwards, they went for a stroll along the soil path that took travelers from town to a deck overlooking the nearby river. Jaskier could imagine himself retiring to a village like this someday if he spent long enough daydreaming.
Their dates usually resembled this one, quiet and simple, yet beautifully intimate in their own way. They swung their arms with their fingers interlaced, melodies of laughter erupting from their jokes and conversations. They had been officially dating for just a few months now, and it had been utterly blissful. Their personalities meshed very well, and Geralt would even admit that he could appreciate how well they worked together. It kept Jaskier out of his hair, and made visits to towns much easier when he wasn't enticing every suitable single in every tavern.
Some time alone had brought on a different side of the two, they were rarely truly alone and it was a special occasion for them.
Like any couple, there were still plenty of secrets between them, carefully kept for the right moment, after all, secrets should only be shared at the proper time and place. And this surely was a lovely place for such quiet conversations, it was only a matter of time until one came out.
(Y/N) was certain Jaskier had some of his own, and that was soothing to know, however her own felt as if it was hanging more closely over her head than before. The idea of telling him something so important to her was scary, and she was terrified to ruin what they had already built, this exciting love that was so fresh and free. He was beautiful, and loving, and kind, and the idea of losing that was terrifying. They had first travelled together for quite some time as dear friends, but it had taken so very long to admit their feelings, and she couldn't afford to lose that so quickly.
They shut the door behind them, and were still deep in laughter and joy from the delightful evening. The sunset filled the oak walled inn room with beautiful amber light, and the evening felt warm and golden. (Y/N) stepped in to drop her sweater into the chair, and turned around to Jaskier leaning with his arm propped above his head on the doorway into the room. With a smile, she approached him, snaking her arms around him to hug him close, pressing a kiss to his nose as she rose to her tiptoes. Shutting the door, Jaskier grabbed her by the waist and spun her to press her back to the door, peppering her hands and cheeks and forehead with kisses before settling his own lips against hers. She laughed, kissing him back and pulling him impossibly closer. Jaskier deepened the kiss, and she swooned, he kissed her until they broke apart breathlessly.
Jaskier ran his hands up and down her back, sliding his fingers down her arms, across her waist and sides. He brought one to her waist again, the other winding fingers through her hair. Her own hands had moved from his arms to around his neck, and she swayed with each movement he made. Jaskier moved his head to kiss her neck softly, his hand drifting down her hip to her thigh. They had often held each other, kissing and cuddling close, but this time, the intentions felt different. The air had seemed to shift from an air of soft romance to one of deeper desire, and she felt the rise of discomfort settle into her stomach as his hand inched towards her center.
"Jaskier, I-" she began, unsure how to continue. He finished pressing the kiss to her skin and immediately pulled away, a look of concern painting across his face. She felt lucky that he was so immediately responsive. She trusted the man wholly, but she was certain it would take a long time for the fear of not being taken seriously to fade away.
"What's wrong?" He asked gently, his eyes glimmering with care as he took her in, raising his hand to cup her cheek. Her face was fairly neutral, if not a bit panicked. After a few minutes passed, he gently led her by the hand to the couch looking out the window into the town. He settled in beside her, wrapping his arm protectively around her shoulders where his hand settled to slowly rub circles into the crest of her shoulder. She leaned back into him, his warmth and embrace was comforting.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked, his voice was soft.
"Yeah," she began timidly, "I think I probably should."
"Is it something I did?" He asked. "I'm sorry if I moved too quickly for you, I didn't mean to make you nervous or uncomfortable."
"No, it isn't that." She reassured. "It's just hard to talk about."
Jaskier didn't press or prompt her to continue, and just continued his soft circles. She appreciated the way he didn't push, and allowed her take her time until she was ready. Part of her was relishing in the way he held her as if she were something precious, afraid that this conversation would make that end for good. She savored the moment a while longer while she considered how to continue.
"You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to, you know." Jaskier broke the silence. "If it's easier, we can talk again later, or another day, or never. My feelings aren't hurt."
She smiled softly, tilting her head sideways to rest it on his shoulder. He pressed a whisper soft kiss to her temple. "I'm afraid what I have to say will make you leave, and I've only just truly accepted that you actually reciprocate my feelings." She explained.
He turned her to look at her carefully. "Nothing you could say would do that, love."
Love. The endearment seeped into her skin, making her feel warm and comforted. She turned the rest of the way, and sat with her back against the arm of the couch. He did the same, their knees meeting in the middle for them to look at each other clearly. His smile was reassuring and she felt safe to continue.
"Jaskier, I know before I travelled with you, you were... Well..." Her voice trailed.
"A player?" He provided with a soft laugh, then apologized, though the grin stayed on his lips. "Sorry, I shouldn't laugh when you're trying to tell me something important, I'm all ears, truly."
"No, I just-" the thought trailed off into silence.
"It's okay," Jaskier spoke again, reassuringly. "We don't have to sugarcoat it. Is that something that makes you uncomfortable?"
"No, not at all." She said. "It doesn't bother me that you've slept with other people before, you've lived a life before me and I know that."
Jaskier nodded after a moment, a bit of relief in his own body language. She briefly wondered if that was something he had worried about. "I'm not meaning it that way at all. I'm just... Afraid to be a disappointment."
"Whyever would you disappoint me?" Jaskier crinkled his brow. "You are an absolute delight, dear heart."
This time, tears pooled to her lashes at his words before she blinked them quickly away. "I'm afraid to lose you if I tell you." She admitted.
He reached out, holding both of her hands in his own, lacing their fingers together. "You won't lose me, I swear it. Tell me what's bothering you?"
"I won't have sex with you." She said bluntly, not sure of how to phrase it better, or kinder. It was easier to just spit it out and to stop delaying it. Her words lost their confidence as she rattled on. "I can't promise I wouldn't ever, just... Probably not, I don't know..."
Her heart was beating into her throat, and she could hear it pounding loudly in her ears. She pressed her eyes shut like one does when they see a fist coming their way, bracing for the impact of the hit, but the hit never came.
"Oh." Jaskier said excitedly, causing her eyes to fly open to see a giant smile pulling to his lips, relief painted across his expression. "Thank the gods!"
"What?" She choked out, unsure of what was happening.
"I thought you were going to tell me you were dying, or that you're already betrothed to someone back home, or that you didn't mean it when you said you love me back." He grinned.
"Jaskier, you don't care?" She asked, baffled.
"Oh, love, there is far more to this world than sex, far better things." He said, mustering a serious expression to show he was not lying. "Darling, you are beyond worth it, I would rather spend a hundred years sitting like this and speaking to you and enjoying your company than to spend a moment with you uncomfortable by anything."
"Are you sure?" She asked. "Won't you miss it?"
"Perhaps." He said honestly, not willing to lie to her in such a genuine conversation. "Maybe I will from time to time, but that doesn't mean that my choice to stay through anything is less true, or that you are not enough."
Now, the tears were freely flowing down her cheeks, so Jaskier let go of one of her hands to brush the tears away, squeezing his other hand tighter around hers. "I would give up all of the years of the past if it allowed me to spend the rest of this lifetime with you."
"Jaskier-" she began again, but he interrupted, his face serious as he looked directly into her eyes.
"If I ever so much as look somewhere you do not want, or touch, or say, or do something you do not like or desire, I want you to tell me, promise me that." He said, shaking their hands together for emphasis. "I trust you'll tell me if you are uncomfortable, or nervous, or afraid. I will never ask why, and I will never continue, I swear on my life."
"Thank you, I promise..." She said, her voice raspy. "I just don't know how to say no."
"Oh, my love." Jaskier began, understanding the weight of her statement. "I'm so sorry, if someone has hurt you before for not listening to you, or for not gaining your consent."
"It's okay." She said softly, accepting his apology.
"No, it absolutely is not okay, if you tell me who did that, I will personally strangle him with my own bare hands." Jaskier said, his face still serious. "I want you to tell me no, right now."
"What?"
"Say no! Say it softly, shout it, shake your head! I will always listen. I swear on my life." Jaskier said with a huge smile, he was so incredibly reassuring. "I want you to practice so you are always comfortable saying it to me, no matter what, no matter when or how."
"No." She tested. His grin was infectious, bringing a smile to her own lips. He motioned for her to continue, and she repeated it another time, with more confidence. "No!"
"Right!" He leaned closer to her, his knees bent to the side. "Now, may I hug you?"
"Please." She said, wrapping her arms around him.
"And may I pull you to my lap?"
"Yes." She said, hugging him even closer, grinning just as wide as he was. "Thank you."
He hummed into her hair, smelling the shampoo and oils on her skin. "Now," he began, pulling back to look her in the eyes again. "May I kiss you?"
"No." She said, her face nervous as she expected him to look disappointed or upset.
He didn't. He just smiled, and hugged her again, cradling her head in his hand.
"I was testing you, you told me to practice." She said softly, and he grinned even larger, his eyes practically sparkling. "Would you please kiss me?"
He took her face into his hands and pressed a soft, gentle kiss to her lips. It was filled with passion, promise, love.
"I love you." She laughed, her body shaking with the noise. "So very much."
"And I love you, more than you could ever know." He kissed her again. She was no longer afraid.