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Henry was trying to walk through all of what he had said for the last 12 hours. Nothing seemed to jump out at him as he couldn’t place Alex’s unusual quietness that replaced his quick wit and unadulterated thoughts. It wasn’t that Alex was acting completely out of character. He was still physical with Henry, holding his hand and having a hand on his back when talking to Bea and Pez, but the usual boisterous personality that challenged Henry’s own quiet nature was not to be found. He could normally chalk it up to the jet lag, but Alex and Henry had made this trip countless times, and even if Alex was tired, the coffee with an ungodly amount of espresso and cinnamon surely would’ve worked by now.
“Henry?”
It took him a moment to realize that he had gotten lost in a spiral and missed everything Bea had been saying to him.
“Sorry, what did you say?”
“Ughhhh, Henry! I was just saying that I was planning a trip to Brooklyn soon, and would love to have a place to crash. But I guess if you aren’t interested…” Bea had sarcastically said.
“You know we would love to have you, and David misses you anyway.” He says, finally snapping out of the Alex spiral he had been in.
It was a few more minutes of planning out her trip to Brooklyn when Alex had excused himself to go upstairs.
“I just realized that I had to send something over to my mom, it was really nice to see you, Bea.” Alex had said, then he rushed quickly up the stairs.
To Henry’s knowledge, Alex hadn’t been working on anything for his mom. Ever since the election his only focus had been law school, and they had both agreed that his duties as First Son may have to take a backseat. Henry would never call Alex a liar, but there was something else going on.
After Alex was out of earshot Bea asked, “Is he ok?”
“So something is wrong?! I’m not just losing it?! Right?!”
“Well–”
“I must have done something! I don’t know what though!”
“Henry–”
"What if he’s going to break up with me? What if this is all too much?”
“Henry for the love of god shut up!” Bea yelled as she grabbed my shoulders. “Maybe just go and ask what’s going on, and maybe stop jumping to conclusions?”
With that, Henry nodded his head and weighed his options. Ultimately he knew he just had to talk to Alex because if the roles had been reversed Alex would have clocked it immediately and attempted to fix the problem. Henry headed up the stairs to his bedroom, though he hadn’t considered it his room for quite some time now. Home was wherever Alex was. As Henry walked into the room, he noticed Alex was not on his phone, but instead under the covers seemingly trying to sleep. Henry walked quietly to the side of the bed where Alex was and kneeled.
“Alex, love?” He says quietly, but just loud enough to where he knows Alex can hear him.
Alex opens his eyes and that’s when Henry notices the light sheen in Alex’s eyes. The once fiery brown eyes that challenged anyone looking at them, were not put out by the tears threatening to escape. Henry’s heart which had been protected for years yearned for the protection again, and it yearned for Alex to have it as well.
“Talk to me love,” Henry whispers, trying to calm his own emotions.
If Alex wasn’t going to cry in front of Henry, then that sentence changed everything. The tears streamed down Alex’s face, and Henry caught them with his fingers.
“Don’t want you to be mad at me.” Alex gets out.
“I could never be mad at you Alex, please just let me help. Is there something that I said or did?”
The expression that Alex gives him is gut-wrenching.
“Yes.”
And well, Henry’s heart truly does break. Henry would truly do anything to have the pieces of armor protecting him once more, but he had allowed himself to feel with Alex, and that didn’t just mean the love and the lust of it all, but the loss as well.
“Hen, come up here with me,” Alex said quietly.
Henry was sure this was it.
“Before you jump to conclusions, we’re okay, it’s just…” Alex had tried to finish the sentence, but tears were threatening to escape again.
“Whatever has you this upset darling, I want to know, even if it hurts me.”
Alex takes a deep breath, then continues.
“It’s just that, this is really the first time I’ve sat and thought about this room and the memories it brings. Knowing that you sat in here for two weeks not answering my calls or texts, and then storming in here not knowing if you would take me back, it’s just a lot. Yes it all worked out in the end, and god am I thankful it did, but it hurts. It just reminds me of a time where things were so uncertain, and I just think I haven’t gotten completely over it all? I left my heart on the floor of this room, and sometimes when I’m here I’m reminded that this is a place that doesn’t want me here.”
Henry was crying now.
“Baby, I didn’t mean to make you upset. I’ll get over it soon I just-”
“Alex, please for the love of god do not apologize! I should be the one apologizing. What I did to you was inexcusable, and I will try every day to make it up to you.” Henry said.
Because that's the truth. Alex had once told him that he was the one who hurt Henry, but it had been Henry too hadn’t it?
“Thank you, baby, but I think I just want to relax for the night okay? I promise I’ll be alright tomorrow.” Alex had said quietly.
“Of course Darling, whatever you need.”
“Henry?”
“Yes, Alex.”
"Stay. Please?”
Henry couldn’t bring himself to leave even if he tried.
“Let me get changed and I will be right back.”
Leaving for just that couple of minutes was tearing Henry up inside. To think for a second that he was the reason for the dimmed flame in the next room was a rude awakening. The fact that Alex had even tried to apologize was enough to make Henry want to burn the monarchy to the ground. But the thing that was killing Henry the most was that he had hurt the one part of Alex that Alex had been vulnerable about. He left just like the others had in his life, and what was Alex supposed to think about himself after seeing a person he loves leave without an explanation. He looks at his phone and quickly makes an arrangement for tomorrow, and he calls Shaan to cancel all of their appearances due to Alex not feeling well. All he hopes is that this can be the start of his redemption for Alex.
—-------
Sleep had never come naturally to Henry, but when he was upset it was practically impossible. This was not about him though, this was about Alex. When they had gotten up that morning, Henry had told Alex to put on something comfortable for the day.
“Do you still have an Oxford sweatshirt I could wear?” Alex had asked quietly.
“Packed one just in case.” Henry had said, offering it to Alex, but soon ended up helping him put it on.
As sad as it was to see Alex like this, Henry was also proud of him. Alex has been open with his feelings and is accepting help in whatever small fashion that Henry can give. Soon enough they were being driven into London in a private coach, and Henry just hoped that this would be enough to make Alex happy. They approached an unassuming building that held multiple flats.
“Why are we here? Are you trying to murder me in secret Wales?” Alex joked, light finally back in his voice.
“No no, I could never murder you, just I want you to close your eyes and let me lead the way.”
“Sounds like murder to me.”
With a slight chuckle Henry manages to get Alex up three flights of stairs to the top level of the flat building, and he takes the keys that Shaan gave him out of his pocket. When he opens the door it’s exactly how he asked for it to be set up, and he can’t wait to see Alex’s reaction.
“Smells like cinnamon in here. Can I open my eyes now?”’
With that cue, Henry takes his hand away and lets Alex take in the scene around him. The flat has the lights dimmed and string lights lining the walls. The cinnamon that Alex smelled was coffee that was made before their arrival, and the TV had Empire Strikes Back queued up ready to watch with the couch covered in cozy blankets. It was a little slice of their Brownstone here in London. Henry noticed the glossy look in Alex’s eyes and started to wonder if the idea wasn’t so good after all.
“You did all of this for me?” Alex had said, now looking at Henry in the eyes with what could only be considered disbelief.
“I wanted to give you a little slice of our life back in New York here, and love you deserve it.” Henry said, leading Alex farther into the room. It wasn’t until they were sitting on the couch that one of them spoke.
“Henry, if this is about what I said yesterday, you didn’t have to do all of this. Yes, it hurts sometimes, but now you’re going to get in trouble canceling our appearances, and I’m the reason for that.” Alex wasn’t crying but the tears did escape from his eyes onto his face.
“Love, seeing you not yourself, and knowing that my actions have led you to feel like that showed me that I needed to take care of what I broke. I had always known that night in Kensington would sit in our memories for a long time, but seeing how I hurt you is worse. So yes, I did do all of this because this is the first step of making up for that night, if you’ll let me.”
“Little did you know, you’ve completely made up for it the moment we were at the V&A. I will always forgive you, Henry, because being mad at you or being sad a couple of days out of the month is nothing compared to if I had to live a life without you in it. You are so good Henry, and every day you prove that to me.”
Now they were both crying, but for the first time in the last couple of days, they were happy tears.
“Yours Henry?”
“Yours love.”