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The day Jaehyun walks into the practice room for the first time, Riwoo challenges him to freestyle. It's intimidating, but Jaehyun, who's always assertive and in charge and carrying the burdens of himself and those around him and almost just gave up on the idol dream last week, is drawn to Riwoo's initiating attitude. It resonates with him, but more importantly, even if he won't admit it easily, he likes relenting to someone else for a change.
When he tries to seek Riwoo out the next day, Taesan tells him about Leehan. Taesan kind of adopted him last night after a day of stares that creeped the jeepers out of Jaehyun, pulling up the Soundcloud app on his phone and sitting Jaehyun through a never ending amount of demos, requesting feedback and nosing around until Jaehyun played him some of his own. Taesan is the trainees’ leader and Jaehyun reckons this adoption is a good start for his future with KOZ. He also gathers that Taesan is a good source of information on everybody else here.
Taesan tells him Leehan was the newest one here until Jaehyun showed up, hasn't joined all that long ago, sleeps in the same room as him at their dorm, and is weird. He's weird, Taesan stresses, like an alien who came down to study the human race, and Riwoo is obsessed with him. Packages won't stop showing up at their door, all addressed to Leehan, all full of gummy candies and knick knacks that Leehan organises around their room. All from Riwoo.
Once at the practice room for his first group session with everyone, Jaehyun sees them together for the first time. For all of Taesan's talk, he clearly forgot to mention a very important detail. Leehan is stunning, and Riwoo is busking in his glow. They're constantly touching, leaning into each other, Leehan framing Riwoo's elfin body with his bigger one in some way or another. Jaehyun knows boys well enough to be able to tell this is more than any regular kinship and feels a slosh of jealousy in the very pits of his stomach at the radiance they have as an obvious power couple.
Jaehyun resultantly concludes that they are off limits for him, with all their glory and shine and their loud laughter that keeps filling up the room when they're on break, and any of that jealousy he is trying to keep stagnant in his stomach will just have to slowly die out like the rest of the ugly green and red emotions he's been harbouring for the past few years. He eyes Sungho a little, because he's pretty and is easy to throw off kilter with a little flirting, and figures falling into his regular behavioural patterns will have to do.
Getting into KOZ is already a solid achievement, and making it straight into the debut lineup is something he could've never imagined. Wishing for anything more would be too greedy, and it's his responsibility to work on himself and pull his head out of the acidic pool his thoughts have been swimming in for months. He can't expect everything to simply fix itself just because he has one thing going for him.
Within a few days Zico tells him to move into the dorms, only temporarily before they move into their new lodging, mostly to help him bond with the others further. When the weekend comes he treks his way up to the apartment and only stops to eye the package addressed to Leehan on the welcome mat for a few seconds before ringing the bell. Taesan opens the door like he promised over text, an excited Woonhak behind him rushing to snatch Jaehyun's suitcase and take it to their room.
Well into the night Jaehyun carefully makes his way out of his bunk bed and then the room, intentions fully set on violating his diet and eating some late night ramyeon. He makes it two minutes into the four minute wait until his noodles should be cooked before he hears the padding of another pair of feet making their way into the kitchen. He turns around to be met with Leehan's Olympian smile.
Leehan convinces him to crack an egg in there, to add some of the sausages in the fridge and a slice of cheese as well, claiming that he wants to have some of it too and then eating exactly one bite of noodles and leaving Jaehyun to munch on the rest. Once they're done, Leehan offers him some gummy worms. When they head back to bed, Leehan holds his gaze in the dark from his bunk across the room until Jaehyun turns around and closes his eyes shut, heart and thoughts racing.
Between song selection meetings and PR training sessions, Riwoo invites Jaehyun out on a stroll. Jaehyun accepts of course, thrilled at Riwoo taking the initiative once again and giddy watching him waddle as they go down a particularly steep slope. Eventually, the butterflies in his stomach demand to be fed, so he offers they stop for some doughnuts at a nearby shop. He pulls out his card before Riwoo can and thinks to himself that this must be how Leehan feels whenever Jaehyun catches him gazing at Riwoo with his sparkling eyes as they eat.
The day they move into their new dorms Riwoo comes up to sniff around his room. He inspects every little corner of Jaehyun's en suite, exclaiming at every detail of the design and beaming at Jaehyun, who puffs his chest in pride despite having nothing to do with it. He sees Jaehyun's hanger-less closet, and the next morning Jaehyun finds a box with his name on it at their front door, with hangers inside.
In LA Jaehyun is committed to his recently appointed leader position. He follows Sungho to all of his shootings and hypes him up, because Sungho doesn't do it enough for himself. He feels calm waters wash over him as Sungho poses and acts for the camera.
Taesan and him go on a walk when they catch a little break from filming deep in suburbia. They're chatting and laughing, and Jaehyun feels like he is floating.
At night at the hotel Jaehyun tiptoes around Woonhak's bed, occupied by Woonhak himself, in deep slumber with a little pout plastered on his face. He is so adorable, Jaehyun grins to himself as he weasels his way out of the room without waking the baby. It's a short trip down the hall to Riwoo and Leehan's room, and they're both at the door when he knocks on it ever so gently. Jaehyun gathers them both in his arms for a tight hug, elated when they let out yelps followed by giggles and the door shutting behind them. He falls asleep in a cuddle pile, warm and fuzzy and content.
Today Jaehyun messed up. While bickering on their live stream, in front of the whole world to see, he hurt Leehan. Nothing too major, nothing Leehan didn't immediately brush off with his easy laughter and insistence to go back to talking to the fans. But Jaehyun still hurt him, enough to make Riwoo lose composure just a little, enough to watch them carefully as Jaehyun attempted to dote on Leehan who was brushing his efforts off. It weighs on him, causing harm. It weighs on him even more, though, that Leehan didn't properly accept his apologies.
Their dorm building looks a lot taller and vast when Jaehyun steps out of their company car at the end of his workday. He had stayed behind even after they were told they were free to go home, as he often does, half because he wanted to continue working on a song he'd drafted the day before and half in order to give Riwoo and Leehan some alone time. Most of the time it’s Jaehyun's job to take care of everybody, but sometimes, Jaehyun will now admit to himself, it’s his turn to relent.
They don't need to text or call him for it to be clear as day to Jaehyun that he is headed to Riwoo's dorm tonight. It's much later than just the middle of the night, an ungodly hour really, but he knows that they're waiting for him there. The butterflies in his stomach might just climb up his throat and burst out of his mouth if he doesn't calm down, but his rabbit heart is uncontrollable and the nervousness is thrilling in a way he doesn't really want to end.
The ringing of the padlock after he punches in their passcode makes him wince a little, but he braves through and pushes the door gently, tip-toeing around the shoes scattered on the floor before taking his off as well. A little peek past the entryway shows him that Woonhak seems to still be asleep in his little tent setup in the living room. Woonhak's deep slumber is definitely a constant that Jaehyun has grown very thankful for over time, even if it means his baby is still growing well and leaving them looking shorter and shorter by the day.
Jaehyun carefully pads over to the room that was once his, his hands trained to use just the right amount of pressure for the door to push open without making a sound. A recalcitrant smile creeps onto his face as Riwoo, seated against the headboard, looks up to meet his eyes. Leehan is asleep, head in Riwoo's lap and limbs sprawled across the bed as his back raises and falls with his slow breathing. Jaehyun looks at him, graceful even in his sleep, then back at Riwoo, who nods his head in invitation.
All the tension that's been winding his muscles up today slowly dissipates as Jaehyun makes his way to kneel by the side of the bed. He leans his head up against the side of Riwoo's ribcage and is immediately rewarded with gentle fingers in his hair, massaging his scalp to mollify him further. Riwoo takes such good care of him, of the both of them, even on days when Jaehyun messes up and on days when he is a lot to handle. He is like a puppeteer who knows how to pull at Jaehyun's strings just right to stabilise him when he's about to stumble and fall.
He is so good, so talented at this craft, that he knows exactly how to pull at Jaehyun tonight in order to bring him back up from the fall in the afternoon. The fingers in Jaehyun's hair glide down along the line of his nape, coming around and up his neck to hold at his jaw. The pressure is firm yet gentle as Riwoo lifts Jaehyun's head up to look at him once more. “He's okay,” Riwoo says ever so softly in the quiet room. “I checked his head, there's not even a bump. You don't need to worry.”
Unfortunately, worrying is a trait built into the very fiber of Jaehyun's bones. “I feel awful, though.” He tells Riwoo, eyes darting to look back at Leehan who's still breathing softly by their side, locks of soft brown hair scattered on his face, celestial as ever. “I didn't mean to hurt him, but I did, even if it didn't leave a mark.”
Riwoo knows that there's no talking Jaehyun out of his emotions. Instead, he gives Jaehyun what he needs to remedy his guilt. The fingers on Jaehyun's jaw leave him as Riwoo moves, ever so slightly, to pat Leehan's head and the tender spot that connects his nape and back. “Leehan-ah, wake up darling. Jaehyunie hyung is here.”
Jaehyun watches intently as Leehan's lashes flutter open, Riwoo's gestures slowly volatilising the sleep from his body. “Hyung,” Leehan blinks at him with a groggy voice and a comfortable smile. “I’m sorry, I fell asleep.”
The swell of Jaehyun's heart hurts and he thinks it might rapture through his chest so it could reach Leehan. “I'm the one who's sorry.” Jaehyun reaches his hands out to join Riwoo's on him, a palm to cradle his cheek and another to tangle in his hair. “You got hurt because of me,” Jaehyun ignores the enervated exhale Riwoo lets out above them, knows it is not so secretly full of love. “Let me make it up to you.”
Leehan's eyes sparkle at him, then shift up to look at Riwoo. He moves, their hands on him falling as he slowly sits up, gaze trained on Riwoo in the process. Jaehyun follows in his stead, raising his head and straightening up to look at Riwoo just the same from his place on the floor. Riwoo lets out a little exhale of a laugh, tightens his lips in a countenance of faux annoyance.
“Go ahead then. Please solve this matter between you two.” He looks straight at Leehan when he talks, even when he's talking to the two of them, and the slosh of green jealousy that used to storm in the pits of Jaehyun's tummy at this sight is no longer there, replaced by amber sap and honey that's heavy and grounding and warm. It's a matter of seconds before Leehan springs into action, climbing over Riwoo's legs on the mattress and dipping his head down, lips slotting along Jaehyun's.
Fireworks are ringing in Jaehyun's ears and dancing on the dark red of the back of his eyelids. Leehan's palms are warm on his cheeks, pressing against the soft give of the fat there, the pressure dizzying. Jaehyun straightens his back, leaning his weight forward to push back into the kiss, hands going up to hold at Leehan behind the crooks of his ears where the skin is especially soft and warm.
The sheet on the mattress rustles as Riwoo moves on it beneath the arch of them. Leehan pulls on his cheeks, strong, forcing Jaehyun's thighs to lift from his ankles on the floor and straighten, raising him to his knees. He breaks their kiss and looks back to Riwoo, turning Jaehyun's head in the same direction to showcase him to Riwoo like a trophy. “Hyung,” Leehan's voice is deep and soft and warm. “What do you think? How could he make it up to me?”
There's a beat of silence as Riwoo's eyes move between them, and then: “Take whatever you want, Leehan-ah. All Jaehyunie and I want is for you to be happy.”
The fireworks in Jaehyun's ears turn out to be the pulsing of his heart. Leehan turns them back to look at each other. There are fireworks in his eyes now, too. Or maybe that's also Jaehyun's heart.
“Come up here, hyung.” Leehan lets his face go, chin beckoning towards the mattress. Jaehyun notices that Riwoo's movements were the crossing of his legs, clearing up more space on the bed. He rises from his place on the floor, bringing his knees to press into the mattress and fill that space up. Then, Leehan shifts. Not towards him, but towards Riwoo, his face a silent question which Riwoo immediately answers with a smile, untangling his legs and sliding them open, freeing up some space for Leehan this time.
Jaehyun stares, transfixed, as Leehan moves to settle against Riwoo by the headboard. Riwoo's slender arms wrap around him, circling his waist, leaning forward to mouth along his jawline. Leehan leans into it, chin arched up, eyes closed until they aren't and are instead boring into Jaehyun's through half hooded lids and dark lashes. Riwoo looks up, too, offering Jaehyun an encouraging smile. Jaehyun doesn't need to be told twice.
He quickly loses track of who's palm is where when Leehan and him are back to kissing. Leehan's kisses are warm and a little greedy, something Jaehyun has learned over time is very characteristic of him. Masked by the unwavering, unapologetic confidence Leehan always wears is a possessive greed for those he loves. It scared Jaehyun, initially, coming between them and making Leehan share, yet before he knew it that greed blanketed him just as well, and Jaehyun couldn't be happier.
Their hands start pulling at his shirt, then, and Jaehyun shivers as he feels it rise to be pulled over his head. He breaks away from Leehan, lifting his arms up to allow them to remove it, and through the quick movement of the fabric his eyes lock with Riwoo's once again. Riwoo pulls him closer by the scruff of his neck, stealing a kiss from Jaehyun for himself.
Normally, both Leehan and him cannot keep their hands off of Riwoo. Riwoo is such a shiny little thing and they're both crows, desperate to build the most gorgeously decorated nest. He loves their neediness, revels in it just like they do in his quiet care. Today, though, he cares for them by stepping back.
The sound of Leehan gasping rings in Jaehyun's ears when Riwoo breaks their kiss as quickly and abruptly as he started it. Jaehyun manages a quick glance at Leehan's face, catches the sight of his eyes all round and blown with desire, mouth gaping at the sight of them, before Riwoo's hold on his neck guides him lower. There's no need for that, really, because even with hundreds of thousands of fans all over the world, Jaehyun is probably Leehan's biggest worshiper.
All his life Jaehyun had been wandering around with a love too big in his heart. As time went by, as he grew in age and the distance between boys grew along, he learned to let go. In pursuing this career, Jaehyun hoped to find himself a place for love after all. If not with his trainee friends that kept on leaving, then with the fans he'd one day have. Maybe he was meant to love at a distance, maybe that was just the way life was.
Now, though, his big love is more than enough for two.