Chapter Text
It starts with words, a sentence, a greeting; we all know that. You can’t have a relationship without a starting point. They say communication is key and use your words. Those phrases were like a slap in the face to Carmilla. It’s not that she doesn’t have words, it’s that using them with people, certain people, most people, was terrifying. Books didn’t judge, they were silent like she was; they were comforting. She was fine in certain situations, when she was comfortable. When she’s with people she knows, she’s sarcastic and playfully abrasive, quick-witted, caring and even friendly.
When it first started, her teachers implied that she was just rebelling. She was living after a tragedy and clearly, just wanted the attention focused squarely on her. That was the opposite of the truth, she wanted less attention; she didn’t want the focus on her at all. The more they pushed her, the less she spoke. She sat quietly in a therapist’s office, as they tried to talk to her about things, anything, but usually her mother. They pushed and pushed, the anxiety that came with speaking got worse and worse. She got by, using her cellphone for things, signing if she had to, she’d made it to college with this method of communication. She’s a selective mute; communication just required her to be in her comfort zone. One that Laura was very much not a part of. Yet.
Carmilla had resigned herself to admire from afar. She’d seen the girl around campus, at the library, in the commons, leaving classrooms as Carmilla entered them. The girl had caught her eye immediately. The way her face lit up when a smile crossed her features, the caramel colored hair highlighted with simple honey tones that caught the sunlight just right, the sun-kissed skin and pale pink lips, Carmilla found it hard to look away from her when she happened to be in Carmilla’s vicinity. One of the times she spotted Laura she’d asked her brother if he knew her, he smiled and teased her but didn’t know the girl Carmilla had pointed out. Carmilla sighed dejectedly. It took asking Kirsch before she found out who Laura was, Kirsch who had classes with the girl who seemed like walking sunlight. She’d walked around with the knowledge for the remainder of the year, but was unable to do anything with it. The school year ended and she filled out her housing request for the next year, requesting the same single room she’d been in for the past two years.
The summer passed uneventfully. Carmilla worked in the library, stacking, sorting, checking new arrivals, anything that didn’t require her to talk to anyone. She saw Laura every so often, as she took summer session classes. The tiny girl curled up in the corner of the library with a text book and a package of cookies never failed to make her smile. She’d tried to work up the nerve to speak to the beautiful girl but could never get past the anxiety weighing on her chest to actually get words out.
Two week before the start of the semester, she received her housing assignment. Crowley Hall 307. Carmilla’s eyebrows furrowed, Crowley Hall had exactly zero single rooms; it was all double or triple rooms. Carmilla’s eyes scanned the paper again, before landing on a line, a line with a name that she’d missed on her first read through. Roommate: Laura Hollis. Carmilla’s breath caught in her chest. Her roommate was going to be her, Laura, sunshine and cinnamon rolls incarnate. Carmilla squared out her breathing, hoping to avoid a panic attack. The only way to get this rearranged so she would have a single room was to call, there was no way she was going to do that. She sighed softly.
A week later while she worked in the library, she received her first text message from Laura.
Unknown number (12:52): Hey! It’s Laura! Um, I mean I’m Laura Hollis. I’m going to be your roommate. I thought we could get to know each other a bit and stuff before the semester.
She read and reread the message a few times, her eyebrow arching delicately. At least she didn’t call. Carmilla’s mind was turning nervously as she looked down at her phone. Should I respond? Wait for another text? Carmilla imagined Laura smiling down at her phone before grumbling softly to herself and starting her response. She wasn’t sure how to have a conversation with Laura. She wasn't sure how she'd come off via text. She shrugged, trying to figure out what to say; she typed things in only to delete those things moments later.
To Laura (13:19): Hey Sweetheart Cutie. I won’t be getting that single I wanted Yep. Looks like we’re roomies. Well? What all do you want to know?
Carmilla nodded to herself after she hit send. It was simple. Besides she wasn’t sure what to ask Laura. She didn’t want answers to things she already knew, but she definitely wanted to unravel Laura, in more ways than one. Laura responded almost immediately.
Laura (13:20): Everything. I mean we’re going to be living together. This is going to be great. So tell me everything, dark tragic backstory? Deep dark secrets? If you were really a clone, one of many, would you want to know? Oh, we’ll start simple! Favorite color? Author? You know stuff like that. Tell me about you.
Carmilla chuckled as she read Laura’s text, imagining it in her voice, picturing her eyes alight as she spoke. She couldn’t help the knot forming in her stomach at Laura’s mention of tragic backstories and deep dark secrets. Laura didn’t know, how could she, but now Carmilla had a chance to get to know the girl she’d been admiring from afar. And she didn’t have to speak to do it. It wasn’t a chance she could pass up.
To Laura (13:23): Haha Cupcake. You’re something. Favorite color is black. Books are a personal enjoyment of mine. I imagine asking me to pick a favorite author would be the same as asking you to pick a favorite baked good. It’s just not a valid question. As for all about me, I’ll answer your questions but I have to keep some of my secrets, otherwise how will I keep my air of mystery? ;)
Laura’s eyes flicked to her phone, as it vibrated across the table at which she sat with a lit up screen. She grabbed it excitedly, meeting new people was always something she loved. Her eyes scanned the text and then reread it a second and third time. She’s? Is she? Could she be flirting with me? Wait. How did she know I like sweets? Laura reread the screen again before sending her response.
Laura (13:26): Black isn’t a color. Or well according to my friend LaF (LaFontaine, they/them) black is the absence of color in the color spectrum. They’re really into science so I’ve been lectured a bunch about that. How did you know I like sweets? What’s your major? Are you going to ask questions or is it just going to be me? I mean, I guess, if you don’t want to get to know me too, that’s fine.
Carmilla’s eyes moved back and forth as she studied the text she’d just received. As she read the last line of the text over and over, she could picture Laura’s face dropping in a way she never wanted to cause. Shit. Shit. Shit. Fuck. She thinks I don’t want to get to know her. Crap. I need to fix that. She exhaled audibly, sliding her phone into her back pocket and moved down the row of books she’d been working on. She put a few more books away before pulling her phone out again to respond to Laura.
To Laura (13:57): Well from what I know, your friend LaF (they/them noted) is right, black is technically achromatic. It’s still my favorite color. You seem like the type to like baked goods, and a good sugar high, going by your upbeat texts, cupcake. Am I wrong? Philosophy, what about yours? I want to get to know you. In fact, prove to me that you’re not just some scam catfish deal, pics or you’re not real. Besides I need a contact photo for you anyway.
Laura’s eyes widened at the length of the text that had just come through on her newly updated phone. That’s, like, really long. A smile crept along her lips as she read the text carefully. She chuckled softly, earning some looks from people around her. A picture? Well, it would be nice to put a face to the unusual name.
Laura (14:02): Ok. But really since I got you phone number from the university, it should already be clear that I’m not messing with you, but I get it safety first. My dad would agree. Picture coming your way. But since I’m sending you one, it’s only fair you send me one so I have a contact photo for you.
Carmilla’s eyes widened at the picture Laura had sent. She was sitting at a plain wooden table, books spread out around her, her hair, the color of butterscotch and mahogany, framing her slightly rounded sun-kissed face, her face graced by a smile that could warm the coldest of hearts on the darkest of winter days; she wore an army green tank top leaving her arms bare for the heat of the summer. Her eyes drank in the picture, moving back and forth trying to take in every detail. Carmilla could finally see Laura’s eyes clearly, they were better than she could have ever imagined; they were a mix of milk chocolate and whiskey swirled with caramel and honey, the color lit as though they each had their own light source. Carmilla leaned gently against the bookcase she had been working at, taking a picture before returning her phone to her pocket so she could continue to work. It vibrated once as she reached for a book.
Laura’s phone danced across the table as it vibrated gently. Laura’s reaction was quick as she jumped to pick up her phone, flicking the unlock icon before her phone was in front of her face. Her eyes jumped straight to the girl in the middle of her screen. Carmilla’s dark chocolate flecked espresso eyes drew her gaze immediately, Carmilla’s gaze was intense, her pale, angled face held a knowing smirk. Laura’s eyes traveled the length of the picture, taking in the full aesthetic, Carmilla’s face was framed by loose onyx curls with natural sun-kissed highlights scattered sparsely, her jawline was as impressive as the work of a master artist, her shoulder were draped in a loose v neck, black and gray shirt that hung off to one side revealing a black bra strap and her thin pale shoulder that Laura’s eyes traced. Wow. Laura took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as she finally noticed the background of the photo. Carmilla was leaning against a bookshelf, a very institutional looking bookshelf, all gray-green metal. Laura looked around herself, noticing the bookshelves surrounding the lair (as the students called it), the library commons as it was actually called.
Carmilla was moving down the row of shelves, placing books back in their places, adding books to the pile she had before her. She felt her pocket vibrate again and again. She bit back on the smile that formed on her lips at the thought that Laura was messaging her as she pulled her phone from her pocket.
Laura (14:02): No. You’re not wrong, I do love cookies, baked goods and hot chocolate (favorite drink by the way). I’m impressed you could tell that about me via text. You’re messing with me on that aren’t you? :P I haven’t declared a major yet. I know I should I mean I’m starting my second year and still haven’t figured it out. My dad is pushing me towards something he says is safe and reliable, Marketing. Totally not my deal. I like Mass Communications. I might do that with a focus on Journalism. I don’t know though, seems like a pretty big decision, I don’t want to pick anything I’m unsure of. Wow I just rambled via text at you… oops. Sorry, Carm.
Laura (14:29): Wow.
Laura (14:29): Wait. No. I mean. Well, I mean the wow. It’s true. But. Are you in the library?
Laura (14:29): What I mean is, I’m in the library too. :D
Carmilla smiled broadly at the rambling text Laura had sent her, knowing this girl was something else. Her mind was already on how she was going to respond to Laura as she read through the other three texts that Laura had sent. Her face warmed at the first; her mind stuttered at the next two. Oh. She’s here. Carmilla couldn’t help the smile on her face as she looked around realizing that Laura couldn’t be too far from her. Her smile dropped just as quickly as it had risen. If she’s here, she might want to meet, if we meet, she’ll want words. She’ll want me to speak. Carmilla’s mind started swirling, she could feel the knot form in the pit of her stomach. This was going so well. Carmilla typed up her response to the first rambling text as she thought about the next ones.
To Laura (14:37): Haha yeah I was just messing with you, cupcake. Nothing in your texts screams I like sugar more than normal. I might have already had a clue as to who you were. Maybe. But it’s good to have unconfirmed information solidified as facts. (Also hot chocolate noted, I assume you’ll keep some in the room (that I can steal ;))) As for your major, don’t worry, you’ve got time, but don’t let your dad dictate what you do for that. It’s your life. And the rambling was definitely cute, sweetheart.
To Laura (14:39): Yeah. I’m at the library. I work here, cutie.
Carmilla sighed softly as she hit send. Maybe if she didn’t mention anything else about it, Laura would leave it as information she had received and not search her out. Carmilla mentally crossed her fingers that Laura wouldn’t come looking for her to start a conversation, expecting her to speak. Carmilla had only just started barely speaking to her boss, and even then it was stilted and difficult despite having worked at the library for about two years. She just had to hope Laura wasn't the sort to come rummaging through the stacks to solve a mystery. She wasn’t known for her luck though.
Laura stared down at the book she was studying, it was summer session finals week and though she was keeping up, she felt woefully behind. Her lit course had been killing her as the prof had condensed three months’ worth of material into a six week course. She flipped her notebook over again, reading and rereading her notes on the book she was looking at. Her vibrating phone pulled her attention away from her books, as she let out a delighted squeak while picking up her phone. She was starting to truly enjoy texting with Carmilla. Laura read and reread the texts Carmilla had sent. She seemed truly caring in the first, though tone, intention and inflection were kind of hard to read via text, Laura had an inkling from the first text that Carmilla was being sweet, kind. The second text seemed weirdly clipped. Laura looked around with a great sigh. I think I’m due for a study break. Maybe I can find Carmilla. Maybe she and I can go for hot chocolate as a get to know you before we move in together. Laura let a slow smile spread across her face as she stood from her chair leaving her stuff where it sat.
Laura wandered over to the circulation desk with a courteous smile. “Excuse me?” The girl, whose name escaped Laura, behind the desk looked up slowly, eyebrows raised in askance. “I’m looking for my friend, Carmilla.” Laura spoke quickly enough so as not to give herself too much time to think, time to think gave her time to doubt and time to doubt would make her ask herself too many questions. “She works here, I just wanted to say hi. I mean we’re going to be roommates and I haven’t seen her in, well, in forever. Do you know where she would be?” Laura looked at the woman before her with hope filling her eyes.
The woman grunted softly, before mumbling. “She’s on the second floor, filing and cataloging in the special collections.” She turned her attention back to the book before her before Laura could say anything else.
“Ok. Thanks, for your help!” Laura smiled brightly as she turned to the stairs at the center of the library lobby, taking them as quickly as possible. Laura made her way through the areas of the second floor of the library looking for the special collections area. Her eyes widened at how large the library truly was. She found the sign for specials collections with a grateful sigh. “Carm?” She stage-whispered as she made her way down the rows, searching. “Carmilla?” Laura turned, walking up and down rows, trying to quietly find the girl.
“Carm?” Carmilla heard the loudly whispered voice. That’s a new one, never had a nickname like that before. Her head snapped up in realization. Her heart raced, she vaguely recognized that voice, and it didn’t belong to either Kirsch or her brother. “Carmilla?” The voice was getting closer, and Carmilla was frozen. She tried to respond, she wanted to but her lungs were seized, her heart raced, sweat broke out on her forehead. Her mind swam with what-ifs and worries. She opened her mouth like a floundering fish, turning just as Laura arrived at the end of the aisle in which she stood. Carmilla gasped, quickly turning her back and walking around the corner of the shelf, willing herself to disappear.
Laura heard a gasp, drawing her attention, she turned quickly only to see a glimpse of what looked like a black shadow turn the corner. Laura sighed, her eyes searching as she walked carefully. She walked the aisle, following after the shadow she thought she’d seen. She turned the corner with a gentle lilt to her voice, “Carm?” Laura exhaled harshly looking around, there was no one around. Laura shrugged. Maybe she had imagined the form turning the corner. Maybe there wasn’t anyone here. Maybe Carmilla had left this area to go help someone who had a question. Laura let her shoulders drop, turning up and down another set of rows, with no luck. I guess I should get back to studying. Maybe I’ll run into her sometime this week, she does work here. Laura gave up her search, returning to the pile of books and notes awaiting her in the library lair.
Carmilla grinned softly as she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. She turned back to the books she had been filing before pulling her phone out. She looked through her texts, hopefully.
Laura (15:34): Thanks for the support, Carm. I’m just not ready to decide what I want to do with the rest of my life yet. And I really am not a fan of marketing, much to my father’s chagrin. It’s nice to know you don’t think it’s terrible that I don’t have everything figure out.
Laura (15:35): I tried to find you in the library. Like I didn’t realize our library was so freaking massive. So that was impressive. Maybe I’ll find you some other time and we can hang out before we move in.
Carmilla groaned under her breath as she read Laura’s words. I knew this was too good to be true. Carmilla looked at the texts again, responding to them separately.
To Laura (15:46): No worries, cupcake. I understand entirely. Families are rather hard to please at times. Mine isn’t too happy with a lot of things about me. So I can definitely understand. Definitely here if you need to talk.
Carmilla cringed internally at the last sentence of her text. She meant it, if Laura needed to talk she’d be there, but she wasn’t sure she’d be able to talk in response.
To Laura (15:46): Yeah. Sorry you couldn’t find me. Maybe some other time. We’ll get hot chocolate or something.
Carmilla wasn’t sorry Laura didn’t find her, she hadn’t figured out how she was going to handle things with Laura, but she didn’t want Laura to think of her as broken or any other sort of adjective like that.