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“Come ON Moony, tell me who she is! I promise I won’t laugh.”
“James, for the last time, I don’t fancy anyone.” Remus was lying on his bed, reading while James swung around one of the posts sending sparks to circle around his friend’s head. “Lies! I know a case of heartache when I see one, I’m the king of heartache. And you, my friend, are clearly in the grips of what you believe to be unrequited love.”
“You keep telling yourself that.”
“I’ll buy you chocolate if you tell me.”
“No.”
“I’ll steal all your existing chocolate!”
“Go ahead and try, I’d love to see your hands covered in luminous orange warts.”
“I’ll... ha!” James seized the novel from Remus’s hands and sprinted across the room.
“Hey! Give that back!”
They ran in circles around the room whooping, jumping on beds and over trunks. Remus managed to tackle James onto his bed, but his shorter arms couldn’t reach the paperback in the taller boy’s outstretched hand.
“Wait, no- HA!- that’s not fair- HaHA!- stop James!” James had suddenly rolled, pinning Remus under him and started tickling him mercilessly, book forgotten.
“Tell me!”
“Never!”
“Who do you loooooove?”
“No one!”
“Come on Re, say it with me, Moony loooooves-“
“Sirius!”
“What about him? Does he know? Unless you mean it’s him you fancy,” James grinned sarcastically.
A deadly silence filled the room. James moved back to look at his friend's face. It was pale and wide with horror. Remus tried to stutter out a reply. “I sh- shouldn’t have s-s-said th-that. Merlin, I’m s-so sorry, I-“
Instead of finishing his sentence, he bolted out of the room, leaving James sitting dumbfounded on the floor.
Several moments later he was brought back to earth by a confused looking Sirius dropping his bag on his trunk.
“What the hell happened here? I just saw Moony sprinting through the common room as if a flock of harpies was after him.”
James shook himself. He crossed the room in two paces, throwing items all over the floor as he rummaged through Remus’s trunk to find the map. It was still a work in progress, but they’d managed to get the homunculus charm to work most of the time. Soon he was running down the stairs, having given his best friend a rare, serious look and a blunt “don’t follow me.” His eyes raked the map as he stumbled out the portrait hole searching the busy halls for his friend, finally spotting the dot labelled Remus Lupin in a small alcove on the 7th floor.
James made his way up, still trying to figure out what to say. He pulled the tapestry aside and dropped to sit against the wall opposite the shaking figure of the werewolf who hunched smaller, wiping at his eyes furiously.
“Bugger up,” James grunted. Remus pulled his knees up to his chest, making room for James but resolutely looked away. “It’s ok, you know.”
“No. It’s so far from ok.”
James sighed. As much as he liked to pretend that he was an expert at romance, he really didn’t have the first clue, and this had really caught him off guard. “Have you always felt this way about guys?”
Remus nodded, face buried in his arms. “I know, I’m a bent freak. It's like I was just born… wrong. I fuck everything up. And worst of all, he’s my best mate. When he finds out, he’ll hate me, and I’ll lose my best mate. Why are you even here, anyway? Shouldn’t you be running the opposite direction and telling everyone to stay the hell away from the fag?”
“First of all, you’re being a drama queen. That’s best left to your beloved Padfoot I reckon, it doesn’t suit your role as the sensible one. We found out that you’re a bloody werewolf for Merlin’s sake, and in case you forgot, we not only didn’t tell anyone, but did a whole host of stupid things to help you out. So really, I don’t feel like a little crush should break up the band.”
Remus breathed out, relaxing a little, trying to shove his emotions back into their correct boxes. He glanced at his friend. “You don’t hate me?”
James stared at him. “You’re a bloody werewolf and you’re actually worried that I think it’s weird that you like boys?” After a few moments of silence James sighed. “Look, I’ll admit I don’t exactly know how I feel about it. I knew that boys could like boys, but... I guess I never really thought about it much more than that. But I reckon if you’ve lived in a boy’s dorm this long and you’ve not made it weird, there’s a good chance you can keep it in your pants for another couple of years. Just no ogling my stunning behind.”
Remus pulled a face. “No risk there, Prongs. There’s not much to it.”
“Hey! You have been ogling!”
“Not my fault you walk around in your underwear any chance you get. But honestly, just because I like guys doesn’t mean I want to stare at every single male butt. Like, do you look at the rack of every girl you ever meet?”
“Yes.”
“Merlin’s beard Prongs, no wonder Lily hates you.”
“Hey! The female figure is a beautiful thing! It deserves to be appreciated.”
Remus rolled his eyes. “I doubt they appreciate your appreciation. Most girls I know would rather you respect them based on personality and their accomplishments.”
James waved vaguely with an impish grin. “Discussion of the female form is wasted on you.”
“Never said I didn’t like girls, just that they generally prefer not to be objectified.”
“Wait, you mean you like both guys AND girls?“
Remus shrugged. “I feel like it’s more about the person than about the gender. Honestly, looks just don’t mean that much to me.”
James gave him an utterly bemused look that slowly grew into a cocky grin. “So I suppose you’re uncontrollably bewitched by the brash, daredevil type and the fact that Sirius is devastatingly handsome has nothing to do with it? I don’t need to be gay to see why so many girls are always throwing themselves at that.”
Remus ducked his head, blushing. “You won’t tell him?” He pleaded.
James’s face fell back to a more serious expression. “I hate having secrets between us. But no, I won’t tell him. Besides, it might just inflate his head, and Godric knows he’s insufferable enough. Can you imagine how up himself he’d be if he knew he could turn the heads of the ladies AND the lads of Hogwarts? It would be a disaster.”
Remus gave a tiny smile. “Thanks Prongs.”
“You don’t have to keep the fact that you like guys a secret though. No harm in telling him that. And Wormy. Come on mate, we’re the Marauders! We tell each other stuff! We tease each other mercilessly and get detention together, but we also would die for each other. What, you thought you could just not tell us this kinda stuff?!”
Remus shrugged again. “I barely admit it to myself. Really wasn’t planning on telling anyone. Ever.”
James snorted.” Bloody drama queen. It's not a big deal.”
“It IS though! In the muggle world people call it an illness! They used to lock people up for it or make them take meds! I know for a fact that prejudices in the wizarding world aren’t much better- my dad barely talks to his brother because he’s, well, like me. And do you remember what Sirius’s cousin did to that pair of Hufflepuff boys found snogging in a broom cupboard a couple years ago? You know I can’t risk drawing that sort of attention to myself! And what if Sirius feels the same way about it as his family? I know he tried to be different, but he was still raised that way and you know it sometimes still slips out about things he hasn’t taken the time to unlearn!”
“First of all, isn’t that the same uncle of yours that sells off brand potions and weird mushrooms on the side? You think maybe that has quite a bit to do with the reason he and your dad don’t really get along? And really, do you think Bellatrix is a good representative in ANY regard of the wizarding community? Yeah, the rumours spread pretty fast, but not that much more than any other secret romance. We’re at a school full of bloody gossiping teenagers! Most of them would have gotten bored and moved on within the week if it hadn’t been for that hag. And you honestly think that lowly of Sirius? He punched Reg when he said he agreed with Bellatrix about it. Plus, he’s obsessed with that muggle singer, whatever his name is. Dave Bowtie? I don’t reckon you can hate gay guys and still like listening to him.”
“David Bowie. I- I guess you’re right. I shouldn’t underestimate him like that. I’m still not telling him though. It's not like it’ll make any difference, I’m hardly going to go around asking boys out and there’s no way Sirius would ever be interested in me like that anyway. I’d- I’d appreciate it if we just kept it between us.”
James opened his mouth to argue, but then decided against it.
“Fine. I want you to think about it though. It's almost dinner time now anyway. How about we head down via the Prefects bathroom and you can sort yourself out, you look a right mess. Besides, I’ve been dying to take a look ‘round there.”
Remus rolled his eyes, but let his friend pull him to his feet. “Sure thing. But I can tell you, you’re not going to see any naked Lily, you perv.”