Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Hello.

It does not need to be said, but we lost a great man recently. Akira Toriyama is responsible for not just the anime industry, but entertainment itself being what it is today, and it shows in every medium one way or another. High School DxD is full of these from transformations and power ups, powerful beam attacks, and even the actual cannon fact that Issei himself is a fan of Dragon Ball and used the Kamehameha to manifest his Sacred Gear for the first time.

So, to honor him, my friend and I have decided to start a react fanfic where the cast of DxD watch DBZA. And yes, this will be the kind where the cast watch an alternate version of themselves.

High School DxD is the property of Ishibumi sensei.

Dragon Ball Z Abridged is the creation of Team Four Star

Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z, and Dragon Ball GT are all owned by Akira Toriyama, please support the official release.

“Talking”

‘Thinking’

“Host talking”

‘Host thinking’

Chapter 0: Getting together to honor a great man

            It had been over a week since the news broke. One of the greatest Manga artists and authors of all time Akira Toriyama has passed away. All of Japan, nay the entire world, was mourning the passing of such a great man, who practically inspired the Shounen genre into what it is now with his creation Dragon Ball which practically wrote the template for the Shounen protagonist journey. Not only that, but his works where the among first to spread internationally pulling in fans of Anime and Mange with his work from across the Globe! His name and his Legacy are cemented as the greatest Mangaka in history...but now he is gone. And not a single person who enjoyed his work isn’t shaken to the core by this, and that includes those not on the Mortal plane. Yes, there are many supernatural beings who mourn this loss. Already some have made petitions to visit his afterlife, but all requests were immediately denied. We right now go to see one fan in the Supernatural that has taken the news of Toriyamas death the worst.

(Location: Hyoudou Mansion)

              Issei Hyoudou...was depressed. No scratch that, depression was too soft of a word for what he was feeling. Few words known to man could ever fully describe what he was feeling. The loss of a personal hero and the amazing individual who basically kickstarted his love of Shounen Manga is gone. He honestly was still processing his death even days after it was announced. When a man builds up a legacy that big, he almost seems indestructible. Sadly, fate decided to prove him wrong. The girls tried to cheer him up the “Usual Way” but even that didn’t seem to raise his spirits much, and when Issei Hyoudou of all people can’t be cheered up by a naked girl...you know it’s serious.

“I still think it would have worked if Irina had been in on it.” Xenovia said out loud, as she and the other girls set up the dinner table. Turns out, Irina was also greatly upset over the news, and had even joined Issei in his moping depression. Though she was also muttering things like, “one after another, is this a prophecy from God?” and all sorts of other stuff.

“We have to do something to help them cope. I think I speak for all of us when I say we can’t stand seeing them in this state.” said Rias.

“But what exactly can we do to cheer them up? "Asked Akeno “I may not have watched a lot of anime growing up, but I am aware of how influential Toriyama-sensei was and for hardcore fans of his series like Issei and Irina. This is a pretty heavy blow.”

“He actually mimicked Goku to manifest his Sacred Gear.” Koneko reminded them, a soft chuckle in her voice as she reminisced.

“There has to be something we can do for Irina and Issei.” Asia chimed in.

“Unfortunately, Asia we have very little options with how we can fix this, and it’s not like the answer to this is going to just fall in our laps.” Kiba said.

Little did they all know that something would be coming soon.

In fact, they were quite surprised when Issei and Irina both came down to dinner, practically running. They sat at the table and started scarfing down as much food as possible.

“You two seem to be in high spirits all of a sudden.” Rias commented looking and the duo's sudden shift in mood.

              “You want to show them, or should I?” Issei asked Irina excitedly.

“You do it! You do it!” Irina chanted with equal enthusiasm.

“Just tell us already.” Kiba sighed. In response, Issei pulled out his phone and presented a picture on it. Leaning in they could see that it was an advertisement for some theater they had not heard of before.

“We got a notification from one of the fan sites.” Issei explained. “This place is holding a special marathon of Dragon Ball Movies, and never before seen footage of another Dragon Ball project.”

              “Ara Ara, it seems someone is doing this to help the fans of Toriyama-sensei cope with his passing.” Akeno said looking over the picture.

              "But how did this theater get their hands on this ‘Never before seen footage’?” Xenovia asked. “It seems a little sketchy if you ask me.”

“It does seem a little odd, but at the same time I doubt this is a cruel prank” Rias surmised. “For someone to pull something like this in Japan of all places? They wouldn’t get away unscathed.”

“You’re right.” Issei said. “There is a risk. But one we are willing to take.”

“Besides,” Irina interjected. “If this is some cruel joke, like those assholes on Twitter complaining about Mr. Popo,” to the surprise of everyone at the table, she pulled out a bat with nails sticking out of it and dropped it on the table. “We have retribution ready.” There was another Thump, and everyone turned to see Issei drop a set of orange knuckle dusters on the table.

“I’ve had these for a while since that shitty American live action movie.” he said before anyone could ask anything. “Just in case I ever got the chance to beat some sense into the parasites responsible for that insult.”

The rest of the peerage could not hold back their expressions of shock, especially as the two went right back to eating. Issei was one thing. Even before becoming a devil, he never hid his passions and his willingness to defend them. Irina, on the other hand, was supposed to be a good Christian girl.

“Well,” Rias spoke up, clearing her throat. “We shall go with you. This seems like a once in a lifetime chance.” Everyone else nodded in agreement. At the same time, they all had the same thought running through their heads.

‘And to make sure these two don’t end up committing murder.’

With that, everyone finished their dinner. To their surprise, Gorou and Miki Hyoudou joined them at the door.

“Mom? Dad? Where are you going?” Issei asked.

“Come on son don’t forget who introduced you to Dragon Ball, of course I'm going to join you for something like this!” Gorou said while wearing a Goku Cosplay while Miki was wearing one Chichi’s outfit during the Worlds Martial Arts Tournament. “Besides it’s been a while since we did anything together as a family.” she added in.

Issei couldn’t help but agree with his parents, he’s been on so many adventures and quest that he neglected to have moments with just him and his family, and now the opportunity has finally presented itself.

“You know what, your right let's make this a family thing!” Issei exclaimed as the ORC let out a chorus of agreement.

And since his mom and dad dressed up for the event, Issei and Irina decided to follow along. They quickly came back downstairs with Issei dressed up as Goten and Irina as Kid Trunks. Meanwhile the others were given whatever merchandise that Irina and Issei had around to show their support as well. With all of them dressed up, they made their way to the theater.

When they arrived at the address, they found the theater fully decorated outside with Dragon Ball posters, banners, and other objects with a big sign advertising the marathon. You’d expect there to be thousands of Dragon Ball fans covering the streets waiting to get in... but that’s where you’d be wrong.

“Uh...where is everybody?” Issei asked as he looked at the street waiting to see his fellow fans. Only for the street and the outside of the Theater to be completely empty and silent as the grave.

“I know we arrived early, but even with that other fans would be here by now.” Irina agreed.

“Well, we did just get the notice. And we are lucky enough to be in the same town. So maybe we just got lucky.” Issei suggested. “And I say we go ahead and push our luck instead of asking questions. We need to go in, grab snacks, and grab the best seats ASAP.” he said with urgency as he went through the doors. The others followed him, with some trying to grab him out of caution but were not fast enough. Soon, everyone was inside.

While the outside had made the theater seem on the plain side, the inside was actually rather elaborate and clearly decorated for a Dragon Ball event. Numerous posters and photo board cut outs of Goku, and other characters were all over the hallway. The concession counter was larger than average, with pictures of many themed snacks, coolers and other machines humming with life. All in all, it seemed like a proper theater. But something was off.

There was no one else there. No ticket cashier, no ticket checker, not even anyone at the concession counter.

“Um....guys...” Kiba spoke up, looking back at the door they came in. Everyone turned, and through the class door they did not see the streets. Instead, they saw the stars and cosmos.

“Well,” Gorou spoke up. “I don’t think we are in Kansas anymore.”

“We see the Wizard of Oz one time for date night.” Miki sighed.

“Welp,” Issei sighed, pulling out his knuckle dusters. “Should we look for the jackass who decided to mess with us in the worst way possible?”

“Do please give me a moment to explain.” A voice came behind them, making them all turn. To their half surprise, the speaker was not human, but rather a sort of dragon man. He looked like those Dragonborn people from Dungeons and Dragons and other fantasy series with red scales. Except, he was also wearing semiprofessional attire and glasses. Honestly, it made the students think of the teachers at school.

“You have 10 seconds to start explaining.” Issei growled.

“Agreed.” Irina said. “You may confess before we make you repent.”

“My message was not a lie.” The draconic man said, holding up his hands in peace. “This really is to honor Akira Toriyama-sensei.”

Issei and Irina exchange looks and lower their arms.

“Go on.”

“Thank you.” The apparent host bowed.  “This is my domain, and you may call me Composcreator.” The different reactions from the ORC made him smile a bit. “You can just call me CC.”

“Well, Mr. CC.” Rias spoke up, stepping forward. “Why have you brought us here and how does this have anything to do with Toriyama-sensei?” She challenged him, pointing at him with the Android 18 fan that Issei loaned her.

“Well to start,” CC replied, “I believe you are all familiar with multiverse and parallel world theories at this point.” The groans were enough of a confirmation. “Yes, I know. It can be a headache. Anyway, it’s more than just theory. I am in fact from a different world.”

“Does your world still have Toriyama-sensei!” Issei speaks up, hope and excitement in his voice. However, they could all see the sad expression on his face and the way he shook his head.”

“Unfortunately,” He answered with a somber tone. “In all worlds blessed by Akira Toriyama, the date of his death is a constant.”

The Hyoudou’s and Irina both lowered their heads in sadness.

“However,” CC spoke up, getting everyone’s attention. “He is beloved in all worlds.” This statement did bring a smile to their faces and everyone else’s. “In fact,” CC grinned. “There are worlds out there that are shall we say...perfect matches to his writing.”

There was confusion among the group and a few mummers. But then Issei’s expression brightened up.

“You mean...”

“Indeed.” CC’s grin widened. “There are actual worlds out there where the events of Dragon Ball actually happen.”

Issei’s and Irina’s screams of joy hurt everyone’s ears. But they did not notice, too busy jumping up and down in excitement. It seemed like they would not stop, until a loud clap chook the air, making everyone still for a second. They turned to see that it was indeed CC who had clapped his hands together.

“It is certainly exciting.” He agreed. “And part of the reason we are here. We shall watch one such world, though it’s more...silly than the original. At the same time, still and enjoyable watch and tribute.”

The smiles on Issei’s and Irina’s faces widened. But before they could say anything, Rias spoke up again.

“But that does not explain why we are here. What whims would make you want to share all this knowledge and experience with us?” Her words did get everyone's attention and make them turn to the otherworldly being once again.

“Simple.” He smiled. “I’m a fan of you all.”

“A fan?” Akeno spoke up, tilting her head in confusion.

“Let’s just say...I enjoy watching your adventures.” CC came several steps closer. “Especially you, Issei Hyoudou. Or would you rather I call you, the one True Harem King.”

Issei’s expression became one of confusion at first, but quickly became a bright proud smile.

“Yes! I have been recognized! And my dreams will come true!” His reaction made the girls giggle, both at the statement and glad to see him back to his normal self.

“Now,” CC spoke up, getting everyone’s attention. “Time for the rest of the guests.”

“The rest?” Gorou asked.

“I chose to give you all a proper invite because of your won love for Dragon Ball.” CC explained, gesturing to the cosplay The Hyoudou’s and Irina were wearing, making them smile with pride. “The others, I figured it would just be easier to do this.”

CC clapped his hands twice, and the lobby they were in was filled with people they all knew. Vali’s group, Azazel, Serafall, Sirzechs and his wife/maid Grayfia and their son Millicas, Michael and Gabriel, Sona and Saji, Yasaka and her daughter Kunou, and finally Ophis.

“What the-” and other such reactions could be heard. There was another loud clap, and once again attention was on CC.

“I have already explained things to Issei Hyoudou and his family. Simply ask them what’s going on, then grab your concessions. Don’t worry, everything is literally endless. Once you are all ready, we shall proceed to the viewing area.” With that, he disappeared before anyone could say or do anything. Not even Ophis was able to react.

Itt took nearly 10 minutes to explain everything, and another 5 for everyone to accept that they would be there for quite some time. Part of the reason it took so much time was that certain individuals kept trying to leave. Feel free to guess who.

But once that was done with, everyone decided to just make the most of it. Sirzechs was perhaps the strongest supporter of this as it allowed him to spend Time with his wife and son on a normal family outing.

They all proceeded to grab drinks and food from the snack counter. Turns out that CC was not joking at all with them being endless. Koneko drank half of her Extra-Large drink, but it was replenished instantly, and Ophis’s bucket of butter popcorn never seemed to empty.

Finally, once the last person got their food, the only movie door opened presenting an empty theater room. Everyone came in and sat down, making themselves comfortable. It took a bit of effort and coordination, but the girls of the ORC along with Kuroka, Yasaka, and Kunou managed to figure out a way to sit around Issei. Though there were still looks of jealousy to Rias and Irina who sat right next to him.

“Before we start,” CC’s voice came out all of a sudden from behind, prompting everyone to turn around and see him at the very back right next to a classic movie camera. “Don’t be too shocked by these versions of the characters.” He spoke. “It’s part of the reason you all are here watching.” He added cryptically. The camera came to life, and the old-fashioned countdown on the screen started.

3...

2...

1...

This chapter definitely took a while, but I think my friend and I have gotten our process down. I hope you all enjoy this project we dedicate to all fans of Dragon Ball. Akira Toriyama, you will be missed but never ever forgotten

That’s it for now. Please Favorite, Follow, and Review. But most of all, thank you for reading!

Chapter Text

Hello.

For those of you wondering about this fast update time, it's simple. We decided to write up the reactions to the first 2 episodes before posting. Meaning the first three chapters get posted all at once. That way it will be much more enjoyable.

We hope you all enjoy.

High School DxD is the property of Ishibumi sensei.

Dragon Ball Z Abridged is the creation of Team Four Star

Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z, and Dragon Ball GT are all owned by Akira Toriyama, please support the official release.

“Talking”

‘Thinking’

“Host talking”

‘Host thinking’

Episode 1

KAISERNEKO: The following is a fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, Toei Animation, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release.

Some members of the audience chuckled. But there were also a few who got looks of embarrassment. And a few who unashamedly smirked at their history of piracy.

(Scene opens up showing mountains followed by showing many wildlife until a Saiyan Space Pod comes crashing down at a distance, startling many ostriches and a farmer.)

Issei and Irina giggled in excitement, recognizing the iconic scene.

FARMER: Oh, God, no! My marijuana patch! I mean, er... my carrot patch... yeah!

This got chuckles from some of the audience. Others tilted their heads in confusion, knowing very well this was not the original line. A sign perhaps of what CC was referring to.

FARMER: (thinking while driving towards the explosion) I better do what any sensible Middle American would do in this situation: (pulls out a rifle) Get mah gun!

“Accurate” Azazel snorted.

(Space Pod opens up in a shiny light and Raynare emerges)

The sight of this woman made Issei one of the original members of the ORC spit take a bit.

“What the hell?!” The boy cried out.

“What’s this bitch doing here!” Akeno cried out, getting nods from Rias and Koneko.

SPACE POD: Hello, and welcome to Earth... With open bar.

FARMER: Holy crap, it’s Sonic the Hedgeho-- Eh, no, it’s an alien! Holy sh**, it’s an alien!

RAYNARE: Finally on this dead plan-- (notices teeming wildlife) Wait... What the crap? Did Kakarrot screw this up? Oh, God damn it, I knew we should’ve sent Turles.

“I-is she...is she Raditz in this world!” Issei cried out in realization.

FARMER: Better think of something cool to say to make him stop! (cocks shotgun while Raynare scans him with his scouter) Hey, you! (thinking to himself) Heh, genius farmer, genius!
“I think she is!” said Irina with a scowl seeing the Fallen that killed her Childhood friend.
“But why would this viewing have Raynare play the part of a character from this show?” Asked Asia, more than a little unnerved seeing the Fallen that killed her.

“Actually,” CC spoke up getting everyone’s attention. “It’s not so much that she’s playing the role per se. Rather, that is her character, so to speak.” His words got looks of confusion from everyone else. “Just continue to watch and you’ll see.”

RAYNARE: Aw, look at him. He thinks he’s people. What’s your power level, little human? (checks his power level with scouter) Five, huh?

FARMER: Protect me, gun! (fires a shot at Raynare, who catches the bullet with his hand)

RAYNARE: Hey! No! Bad human! (flings the bullet back at the farmer, sending him flying at towards his truck and killing him)

FARMER: (extreme quickly while flying towards his truck) Gah, I voted for Bush!

There were a few chuckles from the audience with the farmer’s dying words. Though others, notably older supernatural's, slightly winced as Raynare’s words remind them of their attitude towards humans in the past.

RAYNARE: Bad! Now get back up and tell me you’re sorry! Human? Huuuman? (sighs) So this is why Dad said I couldn’t keep Appule...

(opening sequence; scene shifts to a wasteland, where Sirzechs is standing on top of a plateau)

“Me?” Sirzechs asked out loud. “What am I doing there?”

The locals examined the screen closely, taking note of the Wardrobe of the on-screen Sirzechs as well as the location.

“Wait,” Issei spoke up. “You’re Piccolo!”

“You’re right!” Irina agreed in excitement. “This is where Piccolo was when Raditz landed!”

A collective sound of understanding went through the audience. All of a sudden, someone cried out, “OHH!!” Turned out it was Rias.

“Now I get it!” He exclaimed. “While we are watching a world where the events of Dragon Ball happen, albeit a bit more silly, it’s also a parallel version of our world! One with parallel or alternate versions of us living out different lives!”

“Ding ding.” CC replied. “Got it in one. Here’s your prize.” A box materialized in Rias’s hand. Inside was a novelty DBZ coffee mug.

“Damn it!” Azazel cursed. “How the hell did I not figure that out before her!”

“Because I am fiction savvy.” Rias boasted with a smirk on her face, though her brother gave an embarrassed chuckle at her words.

SIRZECHS: Good ol’ wasteland! Yep! Sure, is some kickass training!... Damn it, I’m lonely. Might as well check MySpace. (opens up his MySpace page) No new comments... No friend requests... Damn it. Well at least I have you, Tom. You’re always there for me.

Feeling some of the looks he was getting, Sirzechs spoke up. “Now, I have never been that lonely. Don't be getting ideas now.”

“Don’t worry father.” Millicas spoke up. “I’ll friend you on MySpace.”

A collective “Aww.” went through the audience, along with a few chuckles. Clearly the young boy did not know the current state of the site.

RAYNARE: Hey! You!

SIRZECHS: What the hell?

RAYNARE: Are you Kakarrot? Seriously if you are, stay still! I need to talk to you about killing and selling this planet! It’s really important! Oh, wait a second; you’re not Kakarrot. My bad!

SIRZECHS: I’ve got green skin, pointy ears and a turban. Oh yeah, I must look like SO MANY other people!

“This is a first.” Kiba commented. “I’ve never known Lord Sirzechs to be so snarky like that.”

“Well, if he’s a more comedic version of Piccolo I get it.” issei replied.

RAYNARE: Oh, a smartass, huh? I don’t appreciate smartasses. Prepare yourself for my signature attack: Double Sun--

(Screen suddenly turns monochrome and the scene pauses)

“Uh, what just happened?” Azazel spoke up.

“Just go with it.” CC answered.

RAYNARE: (in a different voice) Now prepare yourself for my signature attack: Keep Your Eye on the Bir-- (scouter beeps) Oooh! A higher power level!

“Are we just supposed to accept her voice changing like that?” Issei asked, recognizing one voice as the Yuuma voice while the other was the real Raynare voice.

“Yep.” CC said.

“Well,” Issei sighed. “At least we know she’ll be dead soon.

(Raynare flies higher in the air and looks around)

SIRZECHS: (off-screen) Hey! What the hell?! Weren’t you going to kill me?

“Such snark is unbecoming of you.” Grayfia commented towards her husband, who was the only one to pick up on her teasing tone.

“Are you forgetting the time we met back during the war?” He shot back.

RAYNARE: Ah, there we go. Considering the average set by this one green guy and that farmer, the chances of this being Kakarrot are-- Dah, screw it, I’ll just go and check!

(Raynare flies off)

SIRZECHS: Fine! Go ahead! I didn’t want your company anyway! Right Tom?

(scene changes to Kame House with Sona's ship arriving and Sona walking towards the front door)

SONA: Hey, I’m here!

SAJI: BOOBS! I mean, Sona!.... Hi!

Heads turned towards the Saji in the audience who started to sweat bullets, especially with the way his King was glaring at him through her glasses.

“To be fair.” Issei spoke up in defense of his fellow Pawn. “This version definitely has bigger boobs.” He said with a completely straight face. “And if I am understanding this right, she’s this world’s Bulma.” He nodded in satisfaction. “Already had the smarts, the looks just needed an update.”

He said all this, fully aware of the glares he was receiving. Which made Saji mentally sigh in relief as the stress was off him. This also allowed him to take another look at the screen, and specifically take in what his counterpart was wearing.

“Hold on...that’s Kame house, and I’m wearing the orange Gi.” He said out loud. This got everyone’s attention, and they confirmed his words.

“Holy shit you’re right!” Issei exclaimed.

“That must mean you’re Krillin!” Irina exclaimed in agreement.

“Huh...mixed feelings.” Saji said, knowing he was not going to be having the easiest of times.

“But then that means...” Vali spoke up at last, looking at the other character on screen.

SONA: Oooooooookaaaaaaaay, how’s it going?

MASTER AZAZEL: I’m drinking OJ! (cup changes to brown) Now it’s apple juice! (cup changes to orange) Now it’s beer! Yay, beer! (chugs down beer)

There was a bit of silence in the audience, but before long everyone burst into laughter.

“Oh yeah.” Vali snorted. “That’s Azazel all right.” Even the man himself was laughing at himself.

“That really is something I would say.” the Fallen Angel laughed. “Probably a joke about western censorship or what not, but I'm on board with it. Plus, I still get to be the wise master.” Everyone could hear the smirk in his voice. “In fact, this makes me Goku’s teacher.” He boasted, making the laughter die out as the older members of the audience pouted in jealousy.

SAJI: So where’s Motohama?

“Why would you be asking about that person?” Sona asked out loud, making Saji shrug next to her.

SONA: I think the bastard’s cheating on me!

“WHAT!!!!!!” All the Kuoh students shouted. Except for Sona and Saji who were absolutely frozen in shock.

SAJI: Why do you say that?

(flashback of Sona walking in on Motohama)

MOTOHAMA: (appears as a silhouette) Sona! It’s not what it looks li-- oh okay, it’s totally what it looks like. Can I still live here? Please? Before this I was living in the desert. Oh, and did you change Puar’s litterbox yet?

PUAR: (appears as a silhouette) I made boom-boom!

(back to present)
The silence was so deafening you could hear a pin drop from the next country over. And for a very good reason. Absolutely NO ONE was prepared for what they saw, ESPECIALLY Sona and Saji.
Sona was frozen, unable to say a word as her brain tried to process what she had just witnessed.
Saji on the other hand was on a rage fueled triad against the shaven headed pervert that wasn’t only dating Sona but also cheated on her. And Serafall wasn’t doing any better given how Sirzechs was trying to keep her from freezing the whole theater over.

The sound of growing laughter, however, got everyone’s attention. They turned their heads to see it was Issei and Irina. The childhood friends had tried to hide but they were laughing very hard.

“And what is so funny about this you assholes!” Saji roared while Serafall narrowed her eyes at them.

“Don’t you realize who he’s taking place of?” Issei asked between laughs.

“He-” Irina could barely hold on. “He’s Yamcha!”
“So? What's that have to do with anything?” Said Serafall maintaining her glare.

A collective sound of “Ohhh” in realization went through the audience that knew what this meant. And Saji himself started cackling.

“It means that bastard is going to get what’s coming to him and then some!”

SAJI: Oh, are you serious? Motohama? Oh, that is so out of char-- so you’re single then?

Saji nodded in agreement at his counterpart’s words seeing it as a very important question, despite knowing how relationships play out in the original series.

(Issei jumps off Nimbus walks towards the front door)

ISSEI: Hey guys!

Once again silence reigned supreme in the Theater. Only to be replaced by a single excited shout of “YESSSS!” from Issei loud enough to make everyone else jump.
“I’M GOKU! I’M FREAKIN GOKU!!!” Issei yelled out, jumping out of his seat while doing what could be described as an impromptu victory dance. He was jumping up and down so much, he started flying with his dragon wings out. There were smiles and laughter from others, but it was all drowned out by the Red Dragon Emperor’s cheers of joy.

It took quite a while for him to calm down and catch his breath, realize everyone was looking at him, and then float down with an embarrassed look on his face. He did get a lot of head pats from his girls, both comforting him in his embarrassment while also congratulating him like he had gotten a leading role on Broadway, which was not far off. Meanwhile, Vali had a bit of a smirk on his face.

“If Issei Hyoudou is Son Goku, that could only mean...” he grinned in anticipation while also ignoring the pouts of his teammate Bikuou, the actual descendent of Wukong.

(Sona opens the door with Saji running up after her)

SONA: Issei!

SAJI: TAIL-- eh, wait, what?

(Issei laughs and holds up his arm, in his other arm, there is a small toddler with crimson hair and a tail clinging onto Issei)

A gasp of shock ran through the audience.

“Isn’t that-?” Grayfia said in disbelief.

SONA: Uh, Issei? I can’t help but notice that five-year-old you’re carrying.

SAJI: Issei, just because we picked YOU up in the middle of the woods when you were a kid doesn’t mean you can go around stealing children.

ISSEI: Erm, okay. (places Millicas on the ground) This is actually my son.

Another gasp went through the audience.

“Wow!” The Millicas in the audience exclaimed. “Uncle Issei is my father here! That’s amazing! But who’s my mother?” Before anyone could say anything, a loud cough came from Akeno, grabbing everyone's attention.

“We really won’t know until the film tells us.” She stated in a very pointed manner. At the same time, she was giving a powerful glare towards Rias, who had a very prominent smirk on her face, and was sitting up a bit straighter than before, clearly confident about something.

(Saji, Sona and Master Azazel are shocked along with the head of M. Night Shyamalan popping up)

1. NIGHT SHYAMALAN: What a twist!

“Fucking hack.” Azazel snorted seeing the face of the famous director.

SONA: Oh, wow! I guess this means you finally, you know.

ISSEI: Know what?

MASTER AZAZEL: (appearing right next to Issei) You know, "Bow chicka wow wow."

ISSEI: (completely oblivious) What are those noises you’re making?

“Huh...” Issei spoke up. “Is it just me or am I a bit...” he left his words unfinished.

“Lacking in more brain than usual?” Koneko piped up. “Yes, you are.”

SONA, MASTER AZAZEL: (thinking simultaneously) Oh, my God, he’s a parent!

SAJI: So when’s the little guy gonna start training?

(Millicas is seen playing with Turtle)

ISSEI: Actually, Rias is making him study.

Upon confirmation who Millicas’s mother was, the collective audience turned to see the reactions of the females of the Gremory Peerage. Needless to say, what they saw was exactly what they expected. All the girls, save for Rias of course, were in various states of shock as they looked like their souls had just left their bodies. Defeat was not a word that would best describe the looks they had... “CRUSHED” Was a much more appropriate word.
Rias on the other hand had a look of triumph, as if she had finally been given a prize, she had been striving her whole life to win. She cast a smile on the stunned Akeno and the other girls.
“Don’t be so upset ladies, it was obviously going to be me given Millicas’s Crimson hair” she said brushing her hair to show it off. But from the tone of her voice, some could tell she was barely holding back from shouting her victory to all.

meanwhile, himself, meanwhile, was fantasizing about the married life this version had with Rias. Mainly the part where they conceived Millicas.

Before anything else could be said, a loud clap disrupted everyone’s thoughts and brought their attention back to CC.

“I think it’s about time we returned to our program.” He smiled, getting nods from everyone as they settled back in to watch more.

ISSEI: She wants him to grow up and be... what’s it called?

SAJI: A productive and responsible member of society?

ISSEI: Yeah-- lame, that’s it! (to Millicas) Hey, son, come here! (Millicas runs towards Issei) Stop playing with the turtle! We don’t need people saying things...

“Aww.” Millicas pouted. “I still have to study.”

“Glad to see Rias is working to raise you the right way.” Grayfia nodded while hiding her mixed feelings about her precious son not being her son in another world.

SONA: Hey, is that a DragonBall on his head? Doesn’t that sorta make him a target for villains who might want them?

ISSEI: Aw, come on. I beat Sirzechs. I’m strong enough to beat anyone who-- (senses a disturbance) holy black on a Popo, what is that?!

Laughter ran through the audience. Azazel himself considered making a comment but decided it would be too easy a joke.

MASTER AZAZEL: What’s wrong?

ISSEI: I just felt a power level bigger than... than... Saji’s losing streak!

“Hey!” Saji cried out. “I don’t have a losing streak!”

SAJI: (off-screen) ...You know, you guys are the reason I go to therapy...

ISSEI: (thinks) He’s getting closer!

SAJI: Shouldn’t we grab Millicas and put him insi-- (Raynare flies down in front of the group) Oh, son of a...

“And here we go.” Issei grinned, eagerly feasting on his concessions as the plot was ramping up.

RAYNARE: It took me a while to get here, but I finally found you, Kakarrot.

ISSEI: ...What?

RAYNARE: That’s right, that’s your name.

ISSEI: ...What?

RAYNARE: The name you were given before we sent you to this planet!

ISSEI: ...What?

RAYNARE: Yooouuu... hit your head as a child, didn’t you?

(flashback of Issei banging his head as a baby)

ISSEI: ...What?

“That explains a lot.” Koneko snarked.

“Hey.” Issei pouted a bit. “That’s actually what happened in the show. It’s not that bad, but still.”

RAYNARE: Oh, for God’s sakes, listen! (display montage of Issei's Space Pod travelling to Earth and a group of Saiyans) You were sent here as a child to take over the planet. Your part of a dead race of intergalactic super warriors called the Saiyans. And to top off this expositional onslaught; I... am your sister!

(Shows the shocked faces of Issei, Sona, Saji, and Master Azazel. A crab falls off a tree in total surprise)

The members of the audience not as familiar with the source material gasped in shock. Meanwhile, Issei himself was thinking for a bit.

“Eh, could be worse.” He decided.

SAJI: So, you’re his sister, huh? (walks up towards Raynare) Wow, that must mean you’ll be involved in lots of future events, right? Right?

(Raynare hits Saji with his tail, sending him flying straight into Kame House)

(Saji Owned Count: 1)

“Oh, come on!” Saji cried out loud. “Is this going to be a thing!”

“Fraid so.” CC spoke up, getting chuckles from everyone. Saji moped a bit, only to perk up as Sona patted him on the head for comfort.

SAJI: What did I say?

ISSEI: Hey! Stop hitting Saji!

RAYNARE: Why?

ISSEI: Because you’re breaking Kame House!

SAJI: (offscreen, weakly) Yeah... Stop breaking Kame House...

Saji turned to Issei.

“Glad to know where your priorities are.” He said sarcastically.

“No problem.” Issei snarked.

ISSEI: So, what are you here for? The Dragon Balls?

RAYNARE: The... the dragon’s what?

ISSEI: The Dragon Balls, you know? There are seven of them. They grant any wish you want-- like immortality?

A collective groan went through the audience. Issei sunk into his chair a bit in embarrassment, while Saji preened at Issei being the one humiliated right now.

OOLONG: Or Sona’s panties!

“Excuse me!” Sona cried out.

“I will fry that pig!” Serafall declared. “Sona’s panties belong to me!”

“To be fair.” Issei spoke up. “That was the first wish they ever made, but only because they needed to stop Pilaf.”

“Not helping.” Rossweisse said.

(cuts to Vali and Riser on an unknown planet)

“I knew it.” Vali smirked. “If Issei Hyoudou is Goku, then I must be Vegeta! His eternal rival!”

“Greaaaat.” Issei sighed. “So, you’re always going to be on my ass in every universe we exist in?”

“How do you know you’re not Nappa.” Bikou chortled.

“Never gonna happen.” Vali glared at him.

RISER: Vali, did you hear that?

VALI: Oh, yeah, we’re totally going to Earth to get our wish!

RISER: Yeah, we’re gonna get panties! ...I mean, immortality. Immortality is what I meant, right, Vali?

There was silence once again. The shock at Riser being so openly perverted just like Issei’s human friends was...jarring to say the least.

“I think it's safe to say that’s probably Nappa.” Rias commented.

“Actually,” Issei smirked. “Considering Vali’s tastes, I could see him saying something like that in a world like this.” His comment made the silver haired youth glare back at him.

“Oh, so you’d prefer to have that blondie peacock as your rival?” He shot back, making Issei consider his words.

“Damn. I lose either way.”

VALI: ...Just get in the damn pod!

(cuts back to Kame House. Raynare walks towards Kame House while Sona picks up Millicas and moves away.)

RAYNARE: No... I’m here for you, Kakarrot.

ISSEI: So, what are we gonna do? See a ballgame? Catch a movie?

RAYNARE: We’re going to kill everyone on the planet and then sell it for profit to an alien overlord who may or may not have destroyed our own planet. (scene shows a planet flashing and then exploding)

“You mean definitely destroyed.” Issei commented.

ISSEI: Oh. Well, uh, I sorta like people here, so with all due respect-- (Raynare knees Issei in the stomach, sending him flying and screaming as he comes crashing down into the ground)

MILLICAS: (runs towards Issei) Daddy!

RAYNARE: (walks up and grabs Millicas) I’ll be taking this! Yoink! (flies away holding Millicas in his arm)

“Huh, I kind of prefer this relationship I have with Raynare.” Issei commented out loud.

ISSEI: (weakly) Quick! Somebody stop him! (crickets chirp in silence) Damn it, Saji!

SAJI: Hey! I was bitch-slapped through a house! What’s your excuse?

ISSEI: I was kneed in the stomach!

(Saji gasps and looks into the sky)

SIRZECHS: You guys are pathetic! (Issei gasps while everyone looks at the sky and stares at Sirzechs) ...What?

“Wow. Talk about timing.” Sirzechs commented. “I show up too late to save my son.”

“Technically not your son.” Grayfia pointed out.

(Sirzechs lands in front of the group)

ISSEI: Aw, Jeez... Hey, look, I know you totally wanna kill me and all, but today's kind of a bad day. My brother just showed up, turns out I’m an alien, he stole my kid!

SIRZECHS: Oh, yeah; I was watching that! That was priceless! (Sirzechs starts laughing while Saji and Master Azazel stare at him in disbelief) ...Sorry for your loss.

“Seems you were just watching.” Michael pointed out, making the current Lucifer sink into his seat in embarrassment.

ISSEI: Yeah. Anyway, wanna help me get him back?

SIRZECHS: Whyyyyy?

ISSEI: I’ll friend you on MySpace!

(Sirzechs stares blanky at Issei and then the scene suddenly shifts to Issei and Sirzechs flying towards Raynare)

SIRZECHS: (in his thoughts) Tom, you’ve been replaced!

“You really are lonely aren’t you father?” Millicas said in a comforting tone which actually ended up wounding his father even more.

(ending sequence)

[STINGER]

(Master Azazel is seen holding a Crunch bar)

MASTER AZAZEL: Now it’s a Nestlé Crunch bar! (Crunch bar turns into a gummi bear) Now it’s a gummi bear! (gummi bear turns into Riser's head) Now it’s Riser!

RISER: Wait, what the hell?

Azazel grinned. “Nice.”

“Sooooo.” CC spoke up as the screen went blank. “You got the idea now?”

“Heck yeah!” Issei cheered. “And we need to see more. Like, right now!”

CC grinned, bowed, and the projector started up again.

Many thanks once again to my friend who is writing this with me. It is largely thanks to them that I am able to do this for a number of reasons. Anway, get ready, because episode 2 is coming right up!

That’s it for now. Please Favorite, Follow, and Review. But most of all, thank you for reading!

Chapter Text

Hello.

Glad to see you sticking around. It means you are enjoying this project my friend and I have started. Please do not hesitate to give feedback.

We hope you all enjoy.

High School DxD is the property of Ishibumi sensei.

Dragon Ball Z Abridged is the creation of Team Four Star

Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z, and Dragon Ball GT are all owned by Akira Toriyama, please support the official release.

“Talking”

‘Thinking’

“Host talking”

‘Host thinking’

Episode 2

“Time for the first fight of Dragon Ball Z.” Issei and Irina cheered. Their reactions got a few chuckles from the rest of the audience.

“Why exactly are you cheering about seeing yourself lose a fight and die?” Vali asked in a pointed tone of voice.

“It’s still fun to see.” Issei protested. “And it expands the world a lot. Not to mention the benefits of dying.”

[DISCLAIMER]

KAISERNEKO: The following is a fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, Toei Animation, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release.
(scene opens up with Issei and Sirzechs flying through the air trying to track down Raynare)

ISSEI: Hey Sirzechs. Mind if I ask you somethin’?

SIRZECHS: What is it?

ISSEI: You’re not human either, right?

SIRZECHS: Yeah...

ISSEI: And your dad spit you out as an egg, right?

SIRZECHS: What about it?

ISSEI: Are... Are you a Yoshi?

The audience was stunned in silence at the insane question. At the same time, they could not stop themselves from thinking it through. And then the chuckles started, before turning into full blown laughter.

“The Crimson Satan is actually a Yoshi.” Azazel choked out between laughs. “Imagine if the Old Maou Faction tried saying this stuff to dethrone you.”

“Well lucky for me, I’m not actually green. So, they wouldn’t have any reason to say that.” Sirzechs scoffed, making a point of ignoring the giggles coming from his son and wife.

“It’s called magic photoshop.” Azazel smirked back. “And don’t tell me you Devils don’t sometimes mess around with the color of your skin just for the hell of it.” The silence coming from Sirzechs was proof enough.

(Sirzechs gives an annoyed look at Issei)

SIRZECHS: (sarcastically) ...Yes, Issei. I’m a green f**king dinosaur!

ISSEI: Can... Can I ride you?

(Sirzechs lets out an annoyed groan)

Issei nearly let out a laugh at his own words but could feel the glare coming from the crimson haired man, so he chose to swallow the laugh.

(opening sequence; scene shifts to a crying Millicas and Raynare)

RAYNARE: Shut up. I said, shut up! SHUT UP! Damn it, why isn’t screaming angrily making you cry less?! I’m going to put you in the time-out pod. (puts Millicas in his Space Pod and closes the door) (thinking) Thank sweet merciful God that’s over. (out loud)

If their glares were lasers, Grayfia and Rias would have turned the screen to ashes for what Raynare was doing to Millicas.

“Huh, guess she’s always going to be a bitch.” Issei commented.

RAYNARE: Now I can just sit back and—(scouter beeps) ...beat the crap out of whoever’s coming. (sighs) ...Great.

(Raynare looks into the sky and sees Issei and Sirzechs come flying down)

ISSEI: Raynare! Give me back my son! (jumps off Nimbus) Wheeeeee!

RAYNARE: So, you’re here already. And I see you brought the Namekian as well.

ISSEI: A-actually, that hasn’t been explained yet.

“Yeah, no spoilers!” Irina cried out with Issei nodding.

“Does it really count at this point?” Bikou snarked. He quickly shut up when he felt the glare from Issei and Irina and even Issei’s parents.

RAYNARE: Oh. Well, it’s not like anyone cares about him anyway.

(Sirzechs removes his cape and grabs his turban)

SIRZECHS: Well screw you too!

ISSEI: Sirzechs, you use weighted training clothes as well?

SIRZECHS: (sarcastically) No, Issei. I just love to get naked when I’m around you. (drops his turban)

“Please no.” Rias moaned. “I don’t want to compete with my brother as well.” She complained, getting chuckles from everyone else.

RAYNARE: (thinking) Their power level is rising! (out loud) So, nudity makes you stronger on this planet! (unzips his pants)

“If only I could find a world where that was reality.” Issei said in a teary voice.

ISSEI: Uh... no. We’re wearing weighted clothing.

RAYNARE: (quickly zips up his pants and crosses his arms) Oh... Of course! Because that would be ridiculous! (laughs nervously)

SIRZECHS: ...So that hair does compensate for something.

(Phil Sebben's head pops up)

PHIL SHEBBEN: Ha ha! Lady parts.

RAYNARE: SHUT UP! (quickly dashes behind Issei and Sirzechs and elbows both of them, knocking them off their feet.)

“Got to admit.” Azazel grinned. “Nice to see Sirzechs being tossed around a bit. Total opposite to everyone being careful of him vaporizing them in one hit.”

SIRZECHS: Okay, what the hell was that?

ISSEI: I don’t know! But let’s try it again... from behind!

(Issei and Sirzechs tries to attack Raynare from behind, who counterattacks by kicking at both of them, knocking them away)

SIRZECHS: We really shouldn’t be announcing our attack strategy!

ISSEI: Rush him! (leaps towards Raynare)

SIRZECHS: Damn it, Issei! (also rushes towards Raynare)

“You really are a novice.” Vali says mockingly.

SIRZECHS: Will you at least try to dodge this one?!

ISSEI: Dodge what? (Raynare fires his Double Sunday attack) OH GEEZ!

(Issei manages to dodges the blast, but Sirzechs isn't as lucky as he loses his left arm)

ISSEI: Ha! You missed me!

(Raynare appears behind Issei)

RAYNARE: My bad. (kicks Issei, knocking him away)

ISSEI: (thinks) Note to self: Less talky, more fighty. (slowly gets up and look towards Sirzechs) Hey Sirzechs. We may be taking a beating, but at least we managed to dodge that one. (Sirzechs gets up with blood dripping from his severed arm) High fi-IIIIIEEEEE!! Uh... handsha—... thumbs u—... G-good job!
“Having trouble there Sirzechs?” Azazel says with a Smirk.
“Don’t you dare say it.” Sirzechs says through gritted teeth.
“Cause I’m more the willing to lend you a hand!” He yells out before bursting out laughing followed by a few others.

RAYNARE: Ha ha! Aaaahaha! Aaaahaha! Aw, excuse me, has anyone seen my arm? You can’t miss it, it’s green! Ha ha ha!

SIRZECHS: Yeah... Anyway, listen. I’ve got one more attack that should do it. Upside is, I can use it with one arm.

ISSEI: And what’s the downside?

SIRZECHS: You’ll have to distract him while I charge it...

ISSEI: That’s not too bad—

SIRZECHS: For five minutes. And considering he beat us to a pulp in under one and—ah, never mind, I’m sure you can handle it.

ISSEI: Wow. You really have that much faith in me?

SIRZECHS: Yeah, sure. Why not?

There were many sighs going through the audience. Partly because of Issei’s stupidity, partly because of Sirzechs’s sarcasm, and partly because of the ridiculous charge time for a single attack. Though with the last one, it was hiding a bit of regret from many remembering their own past where they had that issue.

ISSEI: Well then, I won’t disappoint you. (dashes towards Raynare) Here goes nothing! Haaaaagggghhh! Ready or not, here I—(gets attacked by Raynare while the screen shifts to Sirzechs) aaaaahhh!

SIRZECHS: (in his thoughts; singing the tune of “Mahna Mahna” while Issei is getting beaten senselessly by Raynare) ♪Mahna Mahna do doo be-do-do. Mahna Mahna do do-do do. Mahna Mahna do doo de-do-do de-do-do de-do-do de-do-do Ima chargin’ my attack.♪

Sirzechs could feel the glare coming from Rias as his on-screen version was mentally humming while her boyfriend/on screen husband was getting thrashed. By a version of his ex-girlfriend no less.

(Scene changes Issei getting the upper hand by grabbing Raynare's tail.)

ISSEI: Ha! Got your tail!

RAYNARE: Please let me go?

ISSEI: Well, since you asked nicely...

(Issei lets go of Raynare's tail; who thanks him by kicking him away)

The sound of everyone slapping their head in disappointment rang loudly.

SIRZECHS: (in his thoughts while Issei receives another senseless beating from Raynare offscreen) Perhaps on second thought, a whole five-minute startup time for an attack is pretty abysmal in terms of usability in battle.

The different leaders thought to themselves ‘You think!’ but did not say anything to avoid their own embarrassment.

ISSEI: (offscreen) Sirzechs help! (scene changes to Issei grabbing Raynare’s tail again) Ha! Got your tail...! Again!

RAYNARE: Please let go?

ISSEI: I’m not falling for that again!

RAYNARE: Pretty please let me go?

ISSEI: (once again lets go of Raynare's tail) Well.... (Raynare elbows Issei, knocking him away) Oooh! Ow! Spine! (Raynare stomps on Issei's ribs) Ow! Ribs! Definitely ribs!

The audience could only sigh in disappointment.

RAYNARE: Aha! Attacking an opponent roughly four times your strength in a one-on-one battle. A cunning strategy! No, no, no, not cunning. What’s the opposite of that?

SIRZECHS: (offscreen) Retarded?

RAYNARE: That’s it, thank you! Now, disregarding the Namekian, I—

ISSEI: Uh-uh! A Yoshi!

SIRZECHS: (offscreen) I’m not a god damn Yoshi!

ISSEI: But you said you were!

SIRZECHS: (offscreen) It’s called sarcasm!

ISSEI: What’s that taste like?

SIRZECHS: (offscreen) Damn it Issei!

“Maybe Issei Sempai really is that dumb.” Koneko snarked.

(Raynare crushes Issei's ribs)

RAYNARE: STOP IGNORING ME!!!

ISSEI: Aaah my ribs! I think you broke my...mmmmmm ribs.

RAYNARE: Uggggh. (stomps on Issei's ribs three more times and prepares to kill him) Stop! Ignoring! Me! AND DIE!!! (scouter beeps) Huh?

Issei and Irina sat up in their seats in excitement.

“This is gonna be good!”

MILLICAS: Stop beating up my daddy! (breaks out of Raynare's Space Pod)

(Millicas rushes towards Raynare)

RAYNARE: Nooo, my Space Pod—(Millicas headbutts Raynare) Augh! My space armor!

SIRZECHS: (offscreen) We get it, you’re from space!

(Millicas lands next to Issei)

“Wow! Look mother! I knocked down the bad guy!” Millicas cheered.

“Yes, you did. And such a wonderful job.” Grayfia cooed, patting her son’s head.

ISSEI: M-Millicas. (MILLICAS: Huh?) What... was that?

MILLICAS: (gets up) Daddy!

ISSEI: No-no, seriously. What the hell was that? We were getting slaughtered out there, and you could do that—(Millicas looks behind and notices Raynare) Oh, crap.

RAYNARE: (approaches a frightened Millicas) Aunt Raynare is PISSED!!! (smacks Millicas, which the screen pauses upon impact)

KAISERNEKO: We here at Team Four Star do not condone child violence. We do, however, find it hilarious.
Most of the Women in the audience, especially Rias and Grayfia, seethed with fury at not only seeing Millicas getting hurt, but the creators of this version finding it hilarious that he’d gotten hurt. Thank every Deity out there that they can’t find them because the pain they’d be put through would be Legendary.

(Screen unpauses as Millicas is sent flying by Raynare's attack)

ISSEI: Wait, hold on!

RAYNARE: Oh, what? Mister Shattered Ribs is going to stop me? (begins walking towards Millicas)

ISSEI: Listen, you don’t understand! Nothing you could do could ever compare to what Rias would do to me if she found out he died!

Sirzechs nodded in understanding. The fear of the wife was stronger than the fear of the son getting hurt.

(Raynare begins charging up a Ki blast at Millicas)

RAYNARE: Well, sucks to be you!

ISSEI: (thinking) I don’t have any choice. I have to use my last technique!

RAYNARE: NOW DIE!!! (prepares to kill Millicas)

(Issei grabs Raynare from behind)

ISSEI: Full Nelson!

RAYNARE: A Full Nelson? That won’t work on me! I’m Raynare! (tries to break free but can't) Hurghhurgh! ...Okay, let go! (continues trying to break free, but no avail) Hurrrggrrrg! Seriously, this is starting to piss me off!

“So she’s pissed off. Tell us something new.”

ISSEI: Sirzechs!

SIRZECHS: Ready!

ISSEI: Good! Just make sure you give me a signal before you fire that thing! I’m right behind him!

SIRZECHS: Oh sure; I’ll give you a signal. It’ll be the last signal you’ll ever get!

(scene shifts to Issei as Sirzechs laughs evilly offscreen)

A look of realization dawned on Rias’s face as she remembered how exactly this played out in the original.

ISSEI: Well, okay. As long as we’re clear on that.

SIRZECHS: MAKANSA—... MAKAKASAPOP—... MEKKASAPPA—... (groans) Oh, to hell with it. SPECIAL BEAM CANNON! (fires the Special Beam Cannon at Issei and Raynare)
“Makankosappo!” yelled Issei and Irina.

“If you are going to do the attack, get the name right!” Irina added with Issei nodding.

ISSEI: Is that what you’re going to yell out when you— (Special Beam Cannon pierces through both Issei and Raynare) OH GOD!!!

MOUNTAIN CLIMBER: Riiiiiicolaaaa— (blast hits mountain) AAAAAUUUUGH!!!

(both Issei and Raynare hit the ground, fatally wounded)

Sirzechs could feel the glare from Rias without even looking behind him. He did not even dare turn for fear that she might actually attack him. Or worse, turn her nose up at him and pointedly look away!

RAYNARE: Damn it! And there was no way I could have gotten out of there!

SIRZECHS: You know, you could’ve flown.

RAYNARE: Damn you, hindsiiiiight! Bleh. (dies)

“Ah yes. Hindsight. Truly the bane of every living being.” Michael said in an almost reverent tone, like he was making a sermon at church.

(Sirzechs looks up in the sky and notices a ship heading towards the battlefield.)

SAJI: (from ship) Issei! After several hours of debating, we decided you might need us— (notices both Issei's and Raynare's damaged bodies) ah, crap!

(scene shifts to Saji holding Issei's hand while Sirzechs and Master Azazel watch)

SAJI: Issei! You can’t die! Here, I brought a Senzu Bean!

ISSEI: (dying) I don’t think that’s gonna work.

SAJI: Why not?

ISSEI: (dying) I sort of have a hole in my esophagus.

SAJI: Wait, then how are you breathing? (Issei slowly closes his eyes and dies) ...Issei? ...Issei? Holy crap... I’m not the first person to die in this series!

MASTER AZAZEL: Saji!

SAJI: What?

MASTER AZAZEL: Too soon!

“Yeah, seriously man.” Issei spoke up with a grin. “At least wait until I have a funeral or something.” Saji merely responded with a middle finger.

BULMA: I can’t believe he’s gone.

SIRZECHS: Yeah, pity that. RRRRRRAAAAHHH!!! (regenerates his left arm)

“What was that about willing to lend me an arm Azazel?” Sirzechs asked the former governor with a smirk on his face.

SAJI: (runs up to Sirzechs) Wait, what the hell? You can regenerate?

SIRZECHS: Yeah. And you know what else?

SAJI: What?

SIRZECHS: (quickly) I’m taking Millicas. Bye! (flies off with Millicas)

Grayfia looked like she was about to raise an objection, but then thought it over. Then shrugged.

“This is still preferable to being left to Azazel for training.” Her words got a large reaction of “Ooooohhhhs.” from the rest of the audience.

SAJI: Quick! Somebody stop him! (crickets chirp in silence) Damn it Azazel!

MASTER AZAZEL: Shut up, Saji!

(Saji Owned Count: 2)

SAJI: Aww...

The Sai in the audience had a very similar reaction.

(ending sequence)

[STINGER]

ISSEI: Millicas, do a Headbutt!

(in the style of Pokémon)

MILLICAS: Miiil-LICAS!

"Millicas used Headbutt!"

(Millicas headbutts Raynare)

"It was super-effective!"

“Damn right it was!” Issei cheered.

Many thanks once again to my friend who is writing this with me. Since episode 2 was the end of the Introduction of the Abridged series, so to speak, we figured putting in some extra effort to get these out would be beneficial to the popularity of the story itself. Just don’t expect this sort of thing all the time lol. We might be able to write and post a couple of chapters back-to-back, but both of us will be working on other fanfic projects. Not to mention real life stuff.

That’s it for now. Please Favorite, Follow, and Review. But most of all, thank you for reading!

Chapter Text

Hello.

Thanks for all the positive feedback. You have no idea how much it means to me right now. There is stuff going on in my personal life causing me lots of stress. I can’t get into it for multiple reasons. But doing stuff like this...it’s a big help.

Just a heads up, we don’t be doing what we did before where we post multiple chapters at the same time. That was something we did because the story was being published and instead of just posting about the set up, we decided to go ahead and do the reaction for episode 1. Afterwards, we realized that episodes 1 and 2 were their own mini arc and decided to go ahead and write up that reaction as well. But with this story now properly set up, we can move forward at a steadier pace. So, let's continue the fun!

We hope you all enjoy.

High School DxD is the property of Ishibumi sensei.

Dragon Ball Z Abridged is the creation of Team Four Star

Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z, and Dragon Ball GT are all owned by Akira Toriyama, please support the official release.

“Talking”

‘Thinking’

“Host talking”

‘Host thinking’

Episode 3

The excitement from watching the first fight of the series died down as the audience got ready to move forward with the plot.

[DISCLAIMER]

KAISERNEKO: The following is a fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, Toei Animation, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release.

Scene opens up with Saji, Master Azazel, and Sona lamenting over the loss of Issei.)

MASTER AZAZEL: Well, Issei has passed. But his sacrifice has stopped a great evil. (Saji picks up Millicas's hat) Thanks to him, our lives can return to peace once more.

“I got to say, I’m surprised at how calm I am looking at my own dead body.” Issei mused, munching on his popcorn.

“To be fair, we already know what’s going to happen next.” Irina laughed. “Including the fact that you do come back to life.”

“You’re right.” Issei nodded, then his face lit up in realization and excitement. “And that’s what actually happened to me! I died twice but came back stronger each time! I’m a real life Saiyan!” Issei cheered, getting laughs from his girls and a few scoffs from other members of the audience.

RISER: (speaking through Raynare's scouter) Raaynare? Raaynareeee?

Most members of the audience raised their eyebrows at Riser’s voice coming out of the scouter on the ground. Meanwhile, the hardcore fans had looks of confusion on their faces.

“Pretty sure this didn’t happen in the original.” Gorou commented.

(Saji and Sona look at Raynare's scouter.)

MASTER AZAZEL: What the hell is that?

RISER: (speaking through Raynare's scouter) Girl-who's-as-strong-as-a-Saibaman says "What?"

The insult made all the girls of the ORC laugh. Seeing that bitch be insulted even after death was hilarious to them.

RISER: ...That usually gets to him; I think he's dead, Vali.

VALI: (speaking through Raynare's scouter) Big shocker! Nobody cares! We're ten times stronger than him anyway! We'll go to Earth, find the Dragon Balls, and kill everyone! And we'll be there within a year or so—depending on filler, of course.

Issei shrugged at Vali’s words. “Sometimes filler is good.”

RISER: (speaking through Raynare's scouter) Anything else we need to go over, Vali?

VALI: (speaking through Raynare's scouter) Nnnope, that's about it.

MASTER AZAZEL: Well, fu—

“And we still don’t have proof that you’re Vegeta.” Bikou snickered to Vali. “So maybe Riser here is the even stronger one!” The descended of actual Sun Wukong laughed until Vali bonked him on the head.

(opening sequence)

(Scene shifts to a wasteland where Sirzechs is talking to Millicas.)

Sirzech’s face became a bit sulky.

“I have to kidnap my own son to spend time with him.” He moped.

“Technically that’s not your son. That’s Rias’s son.” Grayfia countered pointing at the screen. Her words merely made Sirzechs mope even more.

SIRZECHS: Alright, you little human... Saiyan... thing. I saw what you did to that Saiyan back there; that kind of power can be useful.

MILLICAS: Wh-what do you mean?

SIRZECHS: I'm going to make you my pupil. And then, I'll use YOU for my conquest to take over the world.

Hearing Sirzechs declare he was going to try to take over the world made the audience laugh at the irony of it.

“Thankfully our Sirzechs doesn’t have such goals.” Azazel laughed.

MILLICAS: But-but where's my daddy?

SIRZECHS: Hate to tell you, kid, but your dad's dead! ...Actually I kind of like saying that. Haha! Your dad's dead—(Millicas starts crying) Ah. Damn it. This is why I hang out in wastelands...

Sirzechs could feel the glares from two women for making Millicas cry like that.

(Scene changes to the front of the Check-In Station.)

HEAVENLY ATTENDANT: (through bullhorn) Hello! Welcome to the heavenly Check-In Station! Please no cutting in line! If you are caught cutting in line, you will be sent straight to Hell!

Azazel pulled out his own megaphone and called out, “Their stuck in a line! They’re already in Hell!” getting laughs from everyone. Even CC laughed, though he did give Azazel a look that made him put the megaphone away.

(Scene shifts to inside Yemma's office. Michael is seen touching Issei's shoulder while talking in a wheezy voice.)

MICHAEL: And so, we need Issei here to get to King Kai's for his masterful training, Lord Yemma.

KING YEMMA: Give me one good reason I should allow this.

MICHAEL: Because, if you don't, (camera cuts the entrance of Yemma's office showing a group of dead souls along with an attendant) that line’s going increase by six billion!

KING YEMMA: Six billion?! I'm supposed to be intimidated by six billion?! Please, I can judge six billion souls faster than you take a piss, old man!

MICHAEL: You know, I am the guardian of Earth. Can I please get a little bit more respect here?

“Huh,” Issei spoke up in realization. “Michael is Kami. That checks.”

“AMEN!” The Church Trio cried out.

“In all worlds, Lord Michael is the protector.” Asia said.

“His guiding light is truly eternal.” Xenovia nodded.

“And may he bring salvation to everyone!” Irina cheered. The Church Trio sighed as if they had just heard a beautiful sermon.

“Doesn’t this mean he is Sirzech’s other half?” Vali spoke up, interrupting their bliss. On top of that, it got the minds of everyone in the audience stuck in a whirlpool of thoughts. Some of them not suitable for kids.

“Well, I suppose it is even more appropriate.” Michael himself spoke up, giving off a soft chuckle. “Some have had that brother Lucifer and I are two sides of the same coin.” His tone was so melancholic that it made everyone calm down.

“Though from the sound of it, the job has clearly stressed you out.” Azazel joked, getting a smile from Michael.

KING YEMMA: Big deal! I'm the closest thing to a God in this show—until you get to the Kais—then, I'll be horribly insignificant. I do have a desk though! It's made of mahogany! Ma-ho-gany.

MICHAEL: Uhhhh anyway, can we please—

KING YEMMA: SILENCE!!!

(both Issei and Michael are surprised and keeps quiet)

KING YEMMA: (whispering) Mahogany.

MICHAEL: Umm... Sir?

KING YEMMA: Wh-what? Oh-uh sure, whatever. He can go to King Kai's, but he'll have to run on (in an echoing voice) SNAAAAKE WAAAAY!!! (sound clip from "Gustav Holst's Mars: the Bringer of War" plays)

ISSEI: Sounds fun!

KING YEMMA: Prepare to be surprised.

ISSEI: (nods) Alright, I'm off! (begins to leave but stops) Oh wait. By the way, did you see a girl named Raynare come through here? (King Yemma begins flipping pages from a book) She has black hair and a tail?

KING YEMMA: Oh yeah, I remember that girl. I put her in my patented Yammalock!

ISSEI: And it worked?

KING YEMMA: F**K NO! She kicked me in the balls and ran away! Now I don't know where she is!
Issei didn’t want to laugh at anything Raynare did, but the image of King Yemen getting hit in the bean bag...not even his anger could block out the sheer comedy of it. Let’s face it, getting hit in the balls (when it's not yourself) will always be hilarious.

(Scene cuts away to Raynare with a halo.)

RAYNARE: He didn't keep his eye on the birdie!

“Even in the afterlife she’s a bitch.” Rias snarled.

(Scene cuts back to Issei.)

ISSEI: Huh, okay. Well bye! (leaves Yemma's office)

KING YEMMA: See ya next time you die!

“Does that count as spoilers?” Issei asked.

(Michael glares at King Yemma)

KING YEMMA: (in a soft voice) ...Mahogany.

(Scene change to Kame House.)

MASTER AZAZEL: So Saji, how did Rias take the news?

SAJI: Um....

“Oh, looks like it’s my turn.” Rias giggled.

“Is it just me or does Saji look really nervous.” Kiba pointed out.

(flashback to Saji's conversation with Rias and Zeoticus dressed as the Ox King)

Rias nodded. “So, father is still my father.”

RIAS: Well Saji. What did you need to talk about?

SAJI: So, Rias. Hypothetically: what would you do if you were told that your husband was dead; and your son were kidnapped by his worst enemy?

RIAS: I'd castrate the messenger in his sleep with a rusty carving knife!

Her words made some of the audience chuckle uncomfortably, especially the male.

SAJI: Oh. ...Then it's a good thing I'm not telling you that!

(both Saji and Rias laugh)

RIAS: Would you like to spend the night?

SAJI: Aaagainst my better judgment.
Sona sighed and put a hand on Saji’s shoulder.

“You really should have run.” She said, making the blonde Pawn gulp.

(Scene changes to an outside view of Issei's house at nighttime. Camera cuts to a bedroom with the Zeoticus is snoring loudly while Saji tries to sneaks out of the house, but shrieks as he hears a sound of someone sharpening a knife.)

RIAS: ♪Saajiii, where are yoooouuuu?♪

(Scene changes to a roadway, where Saji quickly drives his car towards the screen while screaming.)

Saji nervously turned to look at Rias, who was nodding and grinning at what was happening on screen. He quickly turned away to avoid eye contact, scared of what might happen.

(scene changes back inside Kame House)

SAJI: Relatively well.

SONA: So, are you going to gather the other Z-Warriors and go train with Michael?

SAJI: The Who-Warriors?

SONA: (with a scouter on her face) The Z-Warriors: (text on the bottom reads: Where'd that scouter come from?) You, Issei, Tien, Yamcha, Chiaotzu. That's what we always call you guys!

SAJI: That's the stupidest thing I've ever—

RIAS: (offscreen) SAJI!!! (camera cuts to Rias angrily driving towards Kame House) Where the hell are you?!

Grayfia nods in approval. “That is the appropriate response.” she said, making her sister-in-law blush at the compliment for being so violent.

SAJI: (quickly) Well, I'm off to gather the Z-Warriors! Bye!

(Scene changes to another roadway with, where Saji quickly drives his car away from the screen while screaming.)

(Scene changes to wastelands, where Sirzechs is talking to Millicas.)

SIRZECHS: Listen up, runt! Today we're going to commence your intense training under me!

MILLICAS: But wait, wouldn't that cause horrible muscle degeneration for somebody my age? Crippling me for years to come?

SIRZECHS: ...You're a wordy little bastard, aren't you?

MILLICAS: My mom wants me to become an ortho—

SIRZECHS: NEEEEERD!!!

“There is nothing wrong with that.” Grayfia glared at Sirzechs, making him wilt in fear. “It is good that he is knowledgeable.”

“But mother, it's getting in the way of training with dad.” Millicas pouted. His words made CC stifle a laugh.

MILLICAS: Wh-what?

SIRZECHS: Anyway, I've figured to unleash your hidden potential, I'd have to put you in immense physical danger. So I'm gonna through you at that mountain.

MILLICAS: Actually, that looks more like a pla—(Sirzechs throws Millicas)TEAAAAAAA—

Stares and glares were leveled at Sirzechs, who tried to sink into his seat in a futile attempt to hide.

SIRZECHS: (thinking to himself) Any second now.

MILLICAS: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—

SIRZECHS: (thinking to himself) Here it comes.

MILLICAS: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—

SIRZECHS: (thinking to himself) And—

MILLICAS: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—

(a splattering sound is heard with Millicas crying offscreen)

SIRZECHS: Uugh.

(Sirzechs begins walking towards a crying Millicas.)

SIRZECHS: (thinking to himself) This is gonna be a loooooooong training session.

“Is that really all you have to say brother.” Rias glared at Sirzechs.

“I promise you my dear Rias I would never do that.” He whimpered.

‘Tannin would.’ Issei thought to himself, knowing now was not the time to voice that opinion.

(Scene change to the entrance to Snake Way.)

HEAVENLY ATTENDANT: Alright, Mr. Muscle Man. Here you are at Snake Way. Now you might want to pack a lunch, 'cause it's going to be a long run. Nah, I'm just joking; you're not going to be eating nothing.

ISSEI: (noticing how long Snake Way is) Wow! That looks like it's going to take me a while.

HEAVENLY ATTENDANT: Now be careful running—you don't want to fall off and die. That's just a little bit of dead humor. But seriously, do not fall off or you will go to Hell.

ISSEI: Has anyone ever run the whole thing before?

HEAVENLY ATTENDANT: Well, there was one man.

ISSEI: Well, who was he?

HEAVENLY ATTENDANT: (writing something in a book) I believe his name was—

(Scene change to Michael's lookout.)

MICHAEL: Miss. Ophis!
The screen changes to Ophis who looks relatively the same except her attire matched Mr. Popo’s, with turban and everything. Even the pointed ears with golden earrings. Her expression was the same blank look she always had. However,...
“Is it just me or does her eyes look like she's staring into our souls...more so than usual” said Azazel feeling a little unnerved.

“I feel it too.” Albion spoke up from Vali’s wings.

“Indeed.” Ddraig agreed, the Boosted Gear appearing on Issei’s arm suddenly. “Reminds me of the old days.”

1. OPHIS: Yes, Michael?

MICHAEL: I just received word that we have a new batch of trainees coming! Make sure you take good care of them!

(Miss. Ophis starts laughing evilly while the camera begins to zoom in to his face, with music from a horror film playing by the time the camera focuses on his eyes. The camera begins to slowly fade into black.)

The scene made everyone’s eyes widen in terror. Hearing Ophis laugh was shocking enough. But to laugh like that, with clear malice and dark thoughts...let's just say that the two old dragons were glad they did not have physical bodies for they would have been ashamed of their reaction. Everyone turned to look at the actual Ophis who was sitting on the seat in front of Issei’s. Feeling everyone look at her, she looked around at them. All while drinking her bottomless soda.

(ending sequence)

[STINGER]

KING YEMMA: And not just any mahogany, (shows a planet named Malchior 7) but mahogany from the planet, Malchior 7! (shows a tree, which suddenly breathes fire) Where the trees are three-hundred feet tall and breathe fire!

(scene shifts back to Yemma's office)

KING YEMMA: From these trees, this desk was forged 2,000 years ago! Using ancient blood-rituals of the Malchior people! (shows a group of Malchior people all with the heads of Lanipator grunting)

(scene shifts back to Yemma's office)

KING YEMMA: Not only does this make my desk nigh indestructible, but it can bend the fabric of the universe itself! Also, it's a very fine material—very expensive.

MICHAEL: Ooookay?

KING YEMMA: (quickly) Mahogany.

“I think that was an attempt to distract us from that last scene.” Azazel managed to squeak out. “Didn’t work.” He added, making everyone nod in agreement. They now had a new nightmare. Unhinged Ophis.

Once again, many thanks to everyone for following along. Hope you enjoyed reading this as much as we enjoyed writing this out. We especially hope you like our choice of characters.

That’s it for now. Please Favorite, Follow, and Review. But most of all, thank you for reading!

Chapter Text

Hello.

First things first, we made a few fixes to the previous chapter. Realized there were a few things that needed to be changed, so you may or may not notice. Anyway, glad to see more positive feedback. Especially to Ophis.

We hope you all enjoy.

High School DxD is the property of Ishibumi sensei.

Dragon Ball Z Abridged is the creation of Team Four Star

Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z, and Dragon Ball GT are all owned by Akira Toriyama, please support the official release.

“Talking”

‘Thinking’

“Host talking”

‘Host thinking’

Episode 4

Issei was perhaps the most exciting out of everyone. With him being Goku in this world they were watching, he knew it wouldn’t be long before he would meet King Kai and everything that came with it.

[DISCLAIMER]

KAISERNEKO: The following is a fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, Toei Animation, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release.
(Scene opens up with a full view of Snake Way.)

NARRATOR: Last time on Dragon Ball Z Abridged... Issei began his journey down Snake Way. ...Wait is that some kind of innuendo?

Some members of the audience contemplated the question.

“I mean...” Issei spoke up. “Not really?”

“If it is, it’s a weak one.” Azazel said.

(Issei is seen running down Snake Way.)

ISSEI: (in his thoughts) This is going to be the longest, toughest journey I’ve ever made! I have to receive King Kai’s training, and battle the biggest threat to the planet we’ve ever faced! I have to run as fast as I can—I have to keep running! For the sake of the Earth, humanity, and my fam—

(Camera cuts to a sleeping Issei on a moving cleanup truck. The truck bumps into something, causing Issei to fall off Snake Way and down into the clouds.)

Laughter could be heard all around as Issei was not only caught slacking but received clear punishment for it. Issei himself sunk a bit into his seat in embarrassment.

ISSEI: (hits his head on Snake Way) OW, GAAAAAAAAA...

(Opening sequence with Issei's scream fading out, which resumes at the end of the sequence.)

(Scene changes to a screaming Issei falling straight into the depths of Hell.)

ISSEI: AAAAAAHHHHH—

(Issei crashes hard onto the floor.)

ISSEI: (in pain) Oowwww...

GOZ: Oh, who do we have here? A little girly man, yeah?

ISSEI: I’m Issei. Who are you?

GOZ: I am Goz.

MEZ: And I am Mez.

GOZ & MEZ: Und we are here to pump (camera cuts to a surprised Issei while a clapping sound is heard) you up!

Everyone stared at the screen, surprised by the...attitude of the ogres.

“I don’t remember them being this...chirpy.” Issei spoke up.

“Neither do I.” Irina agreed.

ISSEI: (disturbed) Okay... well I’m sorta—

GOZ: (interrupting) First we are going to do a hundred squats!

MEZ: And then lots of push-ups on the hard ground!

GOZ: And then a bunch of jumping jacks! Oooooooooh!!

“Hyoudou, bit of advice. Run.” Saji spoke up.

ISSEI: (even more disturbed) That...sounds like...fun. But I’m sort of in a hurry? How do I get out of here?

MEZ: 'Agh, there's no way out of here; unless you manage to beat us in a test of strength and speed.

GOZ: Yeah, lots of running, 'und wrestling, 'und 'sveat!

MEZ: Grappling each other on 'ze cold ground, yeah.

“Nope!!!” Issei cried out. “Nope nope nope!”

“The only one who can grapple Issei to the ground is me!” Xenovia decalred.

“Wrong. That’s my job.” Akeno smirked.

ISSEI: (desperate to avoid this) Okay, now let’s say we went through all of that, then where would you say the exit is?

GOZ: (points towards the exit) Oh. It's right over 'zere.

MEZ: Ja, but you have to beat us first, and—(sees Issei running off) Ach! He’s running away!

“So you use your full brain to get out of awkward situations instead of everyday life.” Azazel smirked. “Sounds about right.”

ISSEI: (stops running and turns around) Oh, before I go, have you seen my sister Raynare around here? Spikey hair, tail?

MEZ: Agh, yes, she made a horrible mess of 'ze Blood Fountain.

ISSEI: (looks at the Blood Fountain) Looks fine to me.

GOZ: (angrily) IT USED TO BE 'VATER!!!

“That sounds more like Vali.” Bikuou spoke up, pointing at the silver haired devil next to him. But he did not respond, merely smirked at the idea.

ISSEI: Wow. Well, I’m going now! By the way, thanks for the fruit! (reveals a fruit he took from the tree)

MEZ: (horrified as he watches Issei eat the fruit) Agh! He has a piece of 'ze fruit! Agh, nein! Don't eat 'ze fruit! Don't eat 'ze fruit!

ISSEI: (finishes eating the fruit) Bye! (leaves)

GOZ: Oh, now we can't make 'ze fruit salad for King Yemma's barbeque!

“Wait it’s for a Barbeque? That fruit is supposed to have special properties." said Issei.
“What kind of Properties?” said Saji
“Anyone who eats the fruit has their health and physical form fully restored. The fruit restores and doubles the consumer's energy and physical might. It also prevents them from losing stamina or needing sleep or nourishment for three months straight” Irina explained

MEZ: Yeah, 'und Dabura's going to bring something totally kickass, 'und we will have nothing, 'und WE WILL LOOK LIKE FOOLS!!!

GOZ: Ugh, I am so mad!

MEZ: Yeah, let us go 'vork off our stress by doing squat thrusts 'und stretches.

GOZ: Yeah, 'zen we'll do grappling in our speedos.

MEZ: I'll grab 'ze oil. (they both walk off)
Issei, Saji and Azazel made a gagging noise

(Scene shift to Earth at nighttime.)

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, back on Earth.... Now that’s got to be some kind of innuendo.

“Definetely not.” Issei scoffed.

(Camera pans upward on a plateau, with a frightened Millicas looking down from the top as a wolf howls from a distance.)

MILLICAS: I can’t believe Sirzechs left me out here all alone! How am I supposed to get down from here?

SIRZECHS: (offscreen) CLIIIIMB DOWWWWWWWN!!!

MILLICAS: I can't even get any food or water! What should I do?

SIRZECHS: (offscreen) I SAID, CLIIIIMB DOWWWWWWWN!!!

MILLICAS: If only I had some sticks or reeds lying around, I could make a makeshift ladder, or a rope...

(Sirzechs screams offscreen in frustration.)

“You know,” Azazel spoke up. “I really want to make a comment here about kids being spoiled and not knowing how hard we had it back in the day, but just thinking about it makes me feel old.”

“Honestly I can’t even complain here.” Grayfia added, surprised some of the audience. “The training itself is obvious, and clearly this Sirzechs is keeping an eye on him.” She puts a hand to her chin in contemplation. “Perhaps we are spoiling Millicas somewhat.”

A shiver ran through the audience and the Gremory siblings sent a mental apology to young Millicas.

(Scene shift to Michael's Lookout.)

MICHAEL: You have all come to train on my lookout. But since I am quite old, I shall leave you in the capable hands of Ms. Ophis. (begins to walk inside the lookout) Ms. Ophis, you know what to do...

OPHIS: Yes, Michael.

“Maybe we jumped to conclusions before.” Michael spoke up. “This version of Ophis seems to serve me in some way.”

“I mean that was Mr. Popo’s job.” Issei agreed. “But I have a feeling that’s not quite it.”

(Camera changes to Ms. Ophis looking at Saji, Kiba holding Gasper, Motohama, and Xenovia as a sound of a door slamming can be heard.)

OPHIS: Alright maggots, listen up! Ophis's about to teach you the Pecking Order!

“Oh shit!” Issei and Vali and their dragon partners cried out.

(screen goes black)

OPHIS: It goes: You (show a text "YOU"), the dirt (shows dirt), the worms inside of the dirt (shows a group of worms), Ophis’s stool (shows a black censored box, literally not meaning a type of seat), Michael (shows Michael), then Ophis (shows Ms. Ophis's eyes on top). Any questions?

The audience was silent, with the exception of Issei and Vali. Their bodies were shivering so much they were actually making sounds effects. All because the dragons within were getting nightmares about what the world would have been like if Ophis had been half as serious/crazy as this one.

SAJI: Um, yeah I—(cut to an outside shot of Michael's lookout as a punching sound can be heard, followed by a black dot falling off said lookout)

SAJI: (as he falls off the lookout) GGGAAAAAA... (scream fades out)

(Saji Owned Count: 3)

“That’s completley on you dumbass.” Vali spoke up. “Don’t question Ophis when she’s like this, ever.”

OPHIS: Enjoy the climb back up, BITCH! Now, any more questions? (everyone remains silent) Good, then we can begin.

(Scene changes to Issei running on Snake Way.)

ISSEI: Okay! No more diversions! This is really important! No more sidetr— (notices a house) Oooh, a house!

(Issei stops running and looks at the front entrance)

ISSEI: (in his thoughts) Is that a snake?

“So I am doing this little adventure.” Issei nodded. “It got skipped in the Kai remake.”

(Snake-house sucks Issei inside its mouth.)

ISSEI: ...EEEEEEEEEEEEEE—

(Issei falls through an open door from the ceiling and hits his back on the the floor, causing him to scream in pain.)

(Cuts to a black screen, with a sound effect from Metal Gear Solid's intermission playing, and then a screen opens up, which is a reference to a Codec conversation in "Metal Gear Solid".)

Azazel threw up his hands and cheered. “Fuck yeah! Kojima reference for the win!” Heads turned towards the Fallen Angle, and he coughed in embarrassment. “I’m a fan.” was all he said. To this, everyone nodded. Who wasn’t after all.

SERVANT: Princess Akeno! you have a visitor!

“Ara ara.” Akeno grinned. “Seems I’m the royalty this time Rias.” She teased her friend.

“In case you forgot Akeno,” Rias scoffed. “My father in this world is the Ox King. Making me the Ox Princess.”

“But you don’t have a palace to show off.” Akeno retorted, making the crimson haired girl sulk a bit.

PRINCESS AKENO: Ah, perfect... Now let me assess the situation from here...

(Princess Akeno looks out a window and notices Issei talking to a servant)

PRINCESS AKENO: Well, he’s quite the hunk of man-meat!

(Door opens and shows Princess Akeno and two servants walking towards Issei.)

Issei’s eyes bulged out of face seeing Akeno dressed so...seductively on the screen. It was a style totally different from her usual ones. The girls reacted jealously like always. Meanwhile Akeno herself was memorizing the style, intending to get herself an outfit like it.

PRINCESS AKENO: (in her thoughts) I just love this fur coat! Especially since I killed all the animals for it myself!

Rias tilted her head. “Huh, I could actually see Akeno doing that.”

ISSEI: Huh? You don’t look like you be King Kai.

PRINCESS AKENO: (blushes) What? Did my magnificent breasts tip you off?

“YES!” Issei cried out. Slaps followed.

ISSEI: (confused) W-what?

PRINCESS AKENO: Nothing. Are you hungry?

ISSEI: Yeah! I could eat anything right now!

PRINCESS AKENO: Me too...

ISSEI: What?

PRINCESS AKENO: Nothing! Take a seat!

The girls glaread at Akeno, as if offended by her forwardness.

(Scene shifts to a table filled with steaming food.)

PRINCESS AKENO: I killed everything here with my bare hands. Including the bear hands—It’s a PUN!

(Issei is seen chowing down on the food.)

ISSEI: (with his mouth full) I can’t believe you took all this down yourself!

PRINCESS AKENO: I wanna take YOU down...

“Stop it Akeno.” Rias grumbled.

“But I'm not doing anything~” Akeno tittered.

ISSEI: What?

PRINCESS AKENO: Nothing! Get in the hot tub!

(Scene changes to Issei taking a bath in a hot tub filled with red water.)

ISSEI: Wow, this water’s really nice!

(A cardboard box slowly moves behind Issei.)

PRINCESS AKENO: (spying at Issei from inside the box) Not as nice as your ass!

(An exclamation mark appears above Issei's head, along with the alert sound effect from "Metal Gear Solid" playing.)

ISSEI: Huh?

(Princess Akeno quickly moves out of the screen in her cardboard box.)

“Now that is crossing the line Akeno!” Rias growled. “No peeping on Issei!”

“I don’t see the problem. It's only fair since we let him peep on us all the time.” Akeno could not hold back the amusement and excitement in her voice.

(Scene changes to Issei entering Princess Akeno's castle, fully dressed.)

ISSEI: Well, thanks for the food and stuff, but I’ve got to get to King Kai!

PRINCESS AKENO: (runs behind Issei) No! First you must pass the test of... endurance!

ISSEI: What’s that mean?

PRINCESS AKENO: It means I want you... (blushes and covers part of her face with her fur coat) inside me!

ISSEI: (completely clueless) What do you mean?

PRINCESS AKENO: You’ll see...

Issei clapped her hands together and closed his eyes in concentration.

“I know what’s actually going to happen next.” He said. “But For a moment, I just want to imagine what could have been.” he said outloud, getting pouts from everyone else. Meanwhile Akeno was taking notes for a roleplay session with Issei.

(Scene changes to Issei flying away from Princess Akeno in her snake form, with the "Encounter" music from Metal Gear Solid playing.)

ISSEI: Aaaaaahhhh!

PRINCESS AKENO: Hah! Total supplication! (breathes fires at Issei)

Issei sighed. “Well, at least I have the fantasy in my mind.”

ISSEI: Whaaaaa! Stop chasing me!

(Princess Akeno tries to bite Issei but Issei flies out of the way)

PRINCESS AKENO: (makes grunting noises)

ISSEI: Stop grunting—it’s creepy!

PRINCESS AKENO: (grunts) Wakka wakka wakka—

(Scenes changes to Princess Akeno chasing Issei in the style of a Pac-Man game)

PRINCESS AKENO: Wakka wakka wakka wakka wakka wakka.

“FUCK THAT GAME!!!” Azazel and Sirzechs cried out at the same time, shocking everyone.

“I lost so many fucking quarters!!” Azazel nearly screamed, smashing his fist into the chair.

“I was so close to a new record but that fucking ghost!!! Curse you Blinky!!!” Sirzechs full on cried with tears in his eyes.

ISSEI: (simultaneously as Princess Akeno is saying "wakka") Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa—(notices meat) Ooo! (stops moving and eats meat)

PRINCESS AKENO: Wakka wakka wakka wakka wak—

ISSEI: (simultaneously as Princess Akeno is saying "wakka") Aaaaaaaaa—

(Scene changes to a wasteland at nighttime. Sirzechs is watching Millicas from the sky as he is still stuck on top of a plateau.)

The change in scenerey made the audience breathe a sigh of relife, especially as Sirzechs and Azazel calmed down. That’s also when the fans realized what scene was coming up.

“This is gonna be interesting.” Irina muttered to Issei.

SIRZECHS: Oh, for God’s sake, now he’s just standing there looking at the moon like a retarded puppy! (camera zooms out and shows Millicas looking at a full moon) I was trying to teach him to fend for himself, but nooo, (Millicas begins his transformation into a Ōzaru) he has to be a WEAK, DEFENSELESS LITTLE—(finally noticing Millicas's transformation) Wait, is he getting bigger?
“Ooooh, and it beings,” said Issei

“What begins?” Grayfia said sounding worried.

“The most destructive force of Nature known to Dragonball” Said Azazel as the two parents looked on worried.

(Millicas fully transforms into an Ōzaru and holds up a barrel, with the theme of "Donkey Kong" playing.)

The two parents looked on in shock as their sweet little boy. Transformed into a hulking colossal Monkey.

SIRZECHS: (surprised) Okay, that’s new! (in his thoughts) Wait a second, that tail! (remembers Issei and Raynare's conversation) His Saiyan blood! Does this mean... (out loud extremely quickly) Everyone of Millicas’s race can become a giant gorilla!

(Ōzaru Millicas shoots a mouth beam, destroying some terrain.)

SIRZECHS: Damn it, if he destroys everything, what will be left for me?!

(Sirzechs stares at the moon while Ōzaru Millicas continues to cause destruction offscreen.)

SIRZECHS: (shoots a ki blast at the moon, destroying it) STOP MOCKING ME!!!

(Ōzaru Millicas shrinks, with the "Super Mario" sound effect of going down a pipe playing, and reverts to his human form, naked (which a Dragonball is censoring), and falls down unconscious.)

While Issei and Irina clapped and laughed at the scene of Sirzechs destroying the moon, others in the audience were a bit more...disturbed.

“The scary thing is knowing he can do that.” Azazel muttered to himself. “Release all his power in one direction, he really could destroy the moon.”

SIRZECHS: (lands next to Millicas) Hah! Take that, Moon! Perfect orbit, my ass! And— (looks at Millicas) Huh? Where’d the monkey go? Well, he’s back to normal. (notices Millicas's "male jewels") Oh, God, what the hell is that thing? Well, whatever it is, I don’t like looking at it. This either. (pulls off Millicas's tail) Now... CLOTHES BEAM!!! (fires a beam at Millicas, giving him a new pair of clothes and a sword) That is easily my most metro attack.

“I really wish that had that.” Sirzechs pouted.

“I mean you all do.” Issei pointed out. “Magic.”

“Ohhhh.” Said every magical person in the audience just now remembering they could use magic to create clothes.

(Scene changes to Issei once again running on Snake Way.)

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, back on Snake Way...

ISSEI: Man, that was close! Sure am glad I got away from that giant snake lady!

(Scene cut to Princess Akeno tangled up in a knot.)

PRINCESS AKENO: (grunts, trying to break free, but no avail) AAAAAAGGHHH!!

(scream echos as the screen fades to black, showing the "Game Over" screen from Metal Gear Solid with its theme also playing)

SERVANT: Princess Akeno? Princess Akeno? PRINCESS SNAAAKE!!

“Now that’s quite mean of you.” Akeno teased. “Leaving a girl all tied up like that, not knowing when you’ll return~”

Rias responded, by taking out a spray battle and firing it Akeno.

“Down!”

(ending sequence)

[STINGER]

(Scene shows Sirzechs with an unconscious Millicas.)

SIRZECHS: Yep, and once again wanton destruction has solved all of my problems! With absolutely no negative repercussions!

(Scene changes to Kame House.)

REPORTER: We’ve got breaking news that the Earth’s moon has been completely destroyed. While the long-term environmental effects can only be guessed at, preliminary speculation puts the short-term death toll from tidal effects alone, at the hundreds of millions. We now go to our resident expert on lunar science, Sailor Moon. Sailor?

SAILOR MOON: (getting shocked) OH, DEAR GOD!!

REPORTER: Thanks, Sailor! We now return you to Nick at Nite’s 24-hour Full House Marathon, already in progress.

“The real damage would be all the wars started because of it.” Michael mourned. “Each pantheon has their own unique claim to the moon. Vandalism is enough to make them snippy each other. Full on destruction...” A shudder went through the audience.

(Camera turns black. Scene changes to outer space, where Vali and Riser's Space Pods are seen flying through space and passes a few planets.)

RISER: Hey, Vali.

VALI: What?

RISER: Are we there yet?

VALI: No.

RISER: Are we there yet?

VALI: No.

RISER: Are we there yet?

VALI: No.

RISER: Are we there yet?

VALI: No.

RISER: Are we there yet?

VALI: No.

RISER: Are we there yet?

VALI: No.

“And we still can’t tell who’s who here.” Kiba commented.

“I could see Vali being the annoying one.” Bikou smirked.

Once again, many thanks to everyone for following along. Hope you enjoyed reading this as much as we enjoyed writing this out. We especially hope you like our choice of characters.

That’s it for now. Please Favorite, Follow, and Review. But most of all, thank you for reading!

Chapter Text

Hello.

Glad to have you all back for another chapter. And now finally we get an answer to the important question...is Vali Vegeta?

We hope you all enjoy.

High School DxD is the property of Ishibumi sensei.

Dragon Ball Z Abridged is the creation of Team Four Star

Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z, and Dragon Ball GT are all owned by Akira Toriyama, please support the official release.

“Talking”

‘Thinking’

“Host talking”

‘Host thinking’

Episode 5

“If I'm right.” Gorou spoke up. “This should be when we meet King Kai.”

“Right.” Irina nodded. “Also, I think that we’ll probably see Vali and Riser get to that bug planet.”

“Good for you Vali.” Issei called his rival. “We’ll probably figure out at last if you’re really Vegeta.”

“Of course I am!” Vali shot back. “I’m the only one who can be a warrior worthy of being your rival!” As he sat back down, some of the other audience members giggled a bit at Vali’s insistence that he was Vegeta. Especially considering the character’s...track record in future arcs.

[DISCLAIMER]

KAISERNEKO: The following is a fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, Toei Animation, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release.

(Scene opens up with a full view of Snake Way.)

NARRATOR: After endless running and detours, Issei has finally reached the end of Snake Way. How very convenient.

(Issei looks up and notices a small planet in the sky)

ISSEI: Oooooo! Oh wow, that must be King Kai’s place! (jumps towards King Kai's planet) Woohooo... (begins falling towards the planet) ...aaaaaahhhhhh--

(Issei crashes onto the planet)

KING KAI: (offscreen) Nice job, jackass!

“Fucking love that show.” Azazel giggled. “Seeing humans do extremely stupid things in absolute ignorance of their mortality is peak entertainment.”

ISSEI: (in pain) Ow...

[OPENING SEQUENCE]

(Scene changes to outer space, where Vali and Riser's Space Pods are seen flying through space.)

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, back in the deep reaches of space...

RISER: Are we there yet?

VALI: (annoyed) No.

RISER: Are we there yet?

VALI: (becoming more annoyed) No!

RISER: Are we there yet?

VALI: (much more annoyed) NO!

RISER: Are we there yet?

VALI: (now very angry) NO!!

RISER: Are we there yet?

VALI: (even angrier) NO!!

Ravel stood up in her seat and turned towards Vali and bowed. “I am truly sorry. He’s not that...annoying in real life.... I think. But still, I apologize on behalf of the Phenex family.”

Vali just nodded his head, accepting the apology. While at the same time smacking away Bikuou’s tail trying to steal his snacks.

RISER: Hey, Vali.

VALI: (ready to snap) WHAT?!

RISER: (sees that they are approaching Planet Arlia) Can we stop at that bug planet?

VALI: (temper stabilized) Riser, if it’ll shut you up for five minutes then fine!

“Huh.” Irina commented. “Guess we are doing filler after all.”

(scene shifts to Planet Arlia)

VALI: (looking at a floating debris) See? Look how fun this is.

(Two Arlians riding on giant millipede-like steeds appear out of the ground)

RISER: Hey, Vali-- the locals.

VALI: Seems they brought a welcome service.

RISER: You know, Vali, on some planets they really appreciate foreign commune. Really brings in the revenue. (One Arilan unsheathes their sword) They’ll probably treat us like royalty, considering the--

(Arilans handcuff Riser and locks Vali and Riser in a cell)

Laughs were heard all around the theater as Vali and Riser were unceremoniously locked up.

“Looks like Riser actually did the impossible.” Issei said before laughing. “He got you arrested!”

“Honestly,” Vali commented. “I always figured it would be Bikuou here who would land me in trouble.”

“Aw shucks boss.” Bikuou rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment. “Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

VALI: Well...

RISER: Yeah...

ARLIAN PRINCE: I see. You too have been imprisoned by our horrible fascist king.

(Arilan Prince continues to speak unintelligibly offscreen while Vali and Riser talk)

RISER: Hey, Vali.

VALI: What is it?

RISER: We’re in prison, Vali.

VALI: I see that, Riser.

RISER: Hey.

VALI: What?

RISER: Don’t drop the soap.

VALI: I swear to God, Riser, I will shiv you.

There was even more laughter all around.

(Scene changes to King Kai's planet)

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, on the Kai planet...

ISSEI: So, you’re King Kai.

“Huh, guess King Kai is staying as himself.” Issei commented.

KING KAI: That’s right. I am the most superior martial artist in all of the galaxy--

ISSEI: (notices Bubbles) Ooo, a monkey!

KING KAI: Yes, this is my monkey, Bubbles. Say hello, Bubbles.

BUBBLES: (subtitled) You have come far, young warrior. Allow me to--

“Awwww.” Asia cooed. “Such a polite animal.”

KING KAI: Alright, that’s enough, Bubbles. Anyway, welcome to my planet.

ISSEI: (struggling to stand up) Man, I’m so heavy here!

KING KAI: Well, because of the small size of my planet, the gravity here is much more intense than that on Earth.

GREGORY: (offscreen) That doesn’t make any sense!

“Yes it does!” Azazel cried out in frustration. “It’s basic physics!”

KING KAI: Shut up, Gregory! Alright, fine-- how’s this for a reason: I have an unbelievably powerful space pirate locked within the depths of my planet. That’s why the gravity is so heavy here.

BOJACK: (inside King Kai's Planet) Yarr! Get me out of here!

“Would be interesting to see that guy.” Kiba chuckled. Then all of a sudden Issei jumped out of his seat in excitement.

“What if we get to see the movies!!!” He shouted in glee.

“Oh my god that would be amazing!” Irina cheered.

KING KAI: Shut up, Bojack! (stomps on the planet three times) Anyway, what are you here for?

ISSEI: Oh! Well, King Kai, I need you to train me. (shows Vali and Riser's Space Pods flying in space) There’s a terrible threat coming to our planet, and I’m its only hope. I’ll do whatever it takes for you to train me, I’ll withstand any test, I will try as hard as I have to, and I--

KING KAI: Sure.

“Oh come on!” Issei sulked. “I was in the middle of a motivational speech.”

ISSEI: (dumbfounded) What?

KING KAI: I’ll train you.

ISSEI: S-Seriously? I thought I'd have to do some kind of test.

“That’s how it was in the original.” Gorou nodded.

KING KAI: Are you kidding me? The only company I’ve had for the last 500 years have been a disembodied pirate... (BOJACK: Yarr!) ...a monkey... (Bubbles screeches) ...and a grasshopper!

GREGORY: Actually, I’m a cricket.

KING KAI: Nobody cares!

BUBBLES: (clapping his hands; subtitled) I care!

KING KAI: You tell him, Bubbles!

“This.” Azazel pointed at the screen. “This is why a lot of the gods and others do what they do. Cause they know that if they just hole up, they will go insane.”

ISSEI: Wow, you’re right. I can’t imagine anything more boring than that.

(scene shifts to Planet Namek)

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, on Namek...

“Wait,” Issei tilted his head in confusion. “We’re taking a look at Namek already?”

(scene goes inside Falbium Asmodeus's house, where there's a long silence and a splashing sound can be heard)

FALBIUM ASMODEUS: Biiikuou. Biiikuouuu!

(Bikuou walks inside Falbium Asmodeus's house and kneels)

BIKUOU: What is it, Lord Asmodeus?

At this point, Sirzechs could not hold back the laughter that erupted from his mouth. Soon followed by Azazel.

“H-h-he's so fat!” The demon lord managed to say at last.

“And it looks like he’s glued to that chair!” Azazel added, holding his sides in pain.

“I’m just surprised that Bikuou is Nail” Issei commented

“Why’s that?” asked Bikuou raising an eyebrow.

“Well Nail character is defined by his stoic demeanor and seriousness towards his duties as guardian of the Namek Elder. You on the other hand are…um.” Irina started but had to stop to find the right words

“Are a chronic prankster with the attention span of a sparrow” Vali finished without missing a beat. Bikou grumbled but couldn’t argue because…well…it was true.

FALBIUM ASMODEUS: I saw a fish. That is all-- you can go back outside now.

BIKUOU: (walks outside of Asmodeus's house; thinking) Oh God, this is so horribly dull. I hope something exciting happens around here soon. I don’t care what it is.

FALBIUM ASMODEUS: (offscreen) Biiikuouuu!!

BIKUOU: (sounding a bit annoyed) What?

FALBIUM ASMODEUS: (offscreen) I saw a bird. It was pretty. Kick its ass.

“Looks like you found a job you can actually be good at.” Kuroka snarked. The man in question himself just shrugged.

“Spending my time doing stupid stuff. Sounds like the story of my life.”

(Bikuou groans in annoyance)

(scene shifts to planet Arlia)

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, back on Arlia...

(scene goes to the Arlian prison cell, with the Arlian Prince still talking to Vali and Riser)

ARLIAN PRINCE: As you can see, many questionable people have been locked away in here.

“Kind of the point of prison in the first place.” Gorou snarked.

“Now now. You know that’s not what he meant.” Miki chuckled.

ARLIAN PRISONER: Welcome to Oz, bitch! That’s right, (to Vali) you with the silver hair!

“Huh. I guess Vali pissed this guy off somehow while we weren’t looking.” Issei mused before taking a sip from his soda cup.

“Knowing him, probably from just walking or even standing cocky.” Kiba agreed, also taking a sip from his drink.

“Truly the greatest Lucifer ever.” Azazel snorted as he started to down his cup of beer.

All while Vali smirked, expecting the pathetic bug to cluster about trying to show off that he was the big dog. And none of them were expecting...

ARLIAN PRISONER: You’re going to be my BITCH!

So many spit takes happened all at once. All while the man himself now had a dumbfounded expression on his face. Which only made the choking laughter in the theater start off even faster and become louder even faster.

“Y-you might want to close your mouth!” Bikou cackled.

“Yeah!” Issei roared with laughter. “Someone might stick something in there!”

ARLIAN PRISONER: I’m going to sell you for a cigarette-- but not before I violate you, because you’re my BI--

“Oh man!!” Azazel managed to say while rolling on the floor holding his aching sides. “That bug is so fucking dead!! Hell, the entire planet is probably dead after this shit!!”

Vali was seething in his seat as he slowly crushed the arm rest in his hand.

“The pain I would inflict on that insect would be the stuff of legends” he said through gritted teeth

(Scene cuts to the Arilan throne room)

ARLIAN KING: I love ruling this planet with an iron fist! Right, my quee-- (throne room shakes as an explosion occurs offscreen) What in the great Arlian moon was that?

Finally, everyone was able to get back in their seats, no longer laughing like crazy.

“The sound of me parting your heir…all over the walls and ceiling” Vali said with a smirk

RISER: Hi!

ARLIAN KING: Who the f*** are you two?

RISER: Hi, I’m Riser, and that’s Vali. He was a prison bitch.

Vali tightened his fist in rage. “I barely know this Riser in real life. But I swear I am going to beat the shit of him next time I see him.”

Back at the Phenex Household Riser Phenex feels a chill go up his spine. Like something bad was going to happen to him…and he had no idea why.

VALI: Shut the hell up, Riser!

RISER: 'Kay.

VALI: Anyway, we’re here because my partner’s an idiot. Now that we’ve got introductions out of the way, I think I’ll just kill you and--

RISER: Hey, Vali.

VALI: Oh God, what now?

RISER: (notices Arlian Queen) I think that’s their queen. I’m curious how they breed.

This time, instead of sounds of laughter, sounds of holding back vomit filled the room.

“Why the fuck would you ask about that!” Issei groaned.

“That’s just disgusting to even think about!” Sirzechs said as he and Grayfia held their hands over Millicas’s ears.

VALI: Oh, goddammit, Riser-- that’s disgusting! I say we just--

RISER: (To Arlians) Hey, you guys, breed for us!

Rias groaned as she too was almost sick. “Somehow how I feel like the actual Riser might say something like this! Now I'm even more grateful the engagement got cancelled!”

ARLIAN KING: Why should we listen to you? (Arlians guards begin surrounding Vali and Riser) You’re surrounded by my thirteen elite... (Riser kills guards with an explosion) ...dead guards. (to his wife) Well, you heard him, honey.

Everyone went pale.

“Th-they’re not actually going to-” Arthur panicked, already covering Le Fay’s eyes and ears as best as he could.

RISER: They’re not doing anything; they’re just standing on top of each other and... (a snapping sound is heard while both Arlians start mating)Awww, there we go!

“Oh boy!” CC said. A snap of his fingers, and everyone had a bar bag in front of them. Which they all proceeded to use. Lucky for them, they were designed to be bottomless.

“Just in time.” he sighed. But then he realized that three members of the audience were completely unbothered by the disgusting sounds.

Azazel looked around the room and chuckled. “Kids. Can't handle the natural process of creating life.”

“Such a shame.” Michael sighed.

“Really now.” Gabriel sighed. “What on earth makes them act like this.”

“Huh.” CC said. “Makes sense that you guys wouldn’t be bothered by this.”

(Riser takes his cell phone and takes a picture. Vali’s cell phone vibrates, and he takes out his cell phone and sees the picture.)

VALI: (disgusted from what he saw) Oh, goddammit, Riser!

Vali himself started throwing up extra hard at the thought of being forced to actually see such a disgusting picture.

(scene changes to Earth, on a barren wasteland)

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, back on Earth-- Sirzechs has finally begun his training with Millicas.

“Oh, thank God!” Irina said as everyone started to recover, using cups of water that were provided to clean their mouths.

MILLICAS: So, Mr. Sirzechs, what are you gonna teach me today? A brand-new technique? How to sense energy? What about how to fly--

SIRZECHS: Dodge! (kicks Millicas)

Everyone winced at this. Though at the same time, none of them objected.

(scene cuts to the barren wasteland at dusk, Millicas is seen injured, has a wart covering his right eye and is sweating)

MILLICAS: (thinking) Oh man, this training with Mr. Sirzechs is really difficult. But I think I’m finally getting the hang of it--

SIRZECHS: DODGE!

MILLICAS: What? (gets blasted at point-blank by Sirzechs) WAAAAAAAAAAA--

(scene cuts to Sirzechs and Millicas in the middle of the wasteland accompanied with a long silence)

SIRZECHS: (punches Millicas in the face) DOOOOOOODGE!

MILLICAS: Aaaah!

“Ok, that’s a bit concerning.” Rias said, watching her precious family member get hit like that and struggling to dodge even right in front.

(scene shifts to the Hall of Justice)

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, at the Hall of Justice...

“Booooo.” Issei and Irina said out loud.

“Oh boy.” Miki chuckled. “Here we go again.”

“Booo. Booo American heroes.” Irina chanted.

“Booo superman.”

SUPERMAN: Alright everyone, we have to do something about these Saiyans. They’re approaching Earth quickly, and I don’t think we have the strength to take them on alone. Batman, what are your thoughts?

BATMAN: Well, I think...

At the same time and in perfect sync, Issei and Irina pointed at the screen and said. “You’re cool.”

AQUAMAN: (offscreen) I have an idea!

BATMAN: Oh God, it’s Aquaman...

AQUAMAN: (offscreen) Come on, guys, we could use whales! WHAAALES!

SUPERMAN: Someone, get him out of here!

AQUAMAN: (sadly; offscreen) I’ma whaaaaales....

“The most useless Superhero of all time ladies and gentlemen,” said Azazel

(Scene shifts to planet Arlia)

There was a mix of sounds. Some relief at getting away from the random appearance of American heroes. And some groan at going back to the planet where...that was happening.

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, back on Arlia...

ARLIAN KING: There, I banged my wife, will ya leave us in peace?

VALI: Actually, no, I’m still going to kill you.

“Honestly, I don’t even feel sympathy for those bugs like I did when originally watching this episode.” Issei commented.

ARLIAN KING: Summon the Rancor!

(the Rancor arises from the ground, which is a gigantic Arlian)

RISER: Vali... It’s... It’s... It’s so cute! Can I keep it? Can I keep it?

“I can’t help but agree.” Asia cooed. “It’s such an adorable innocent creature.”

VALI: Fine, just catch it or something.

RISER: Yay! (Rancor tries to attack Riser, who grabs its hand) Here boy, shake-- (rips off one of the Rancor's fingers) Ahhh, I got your finger. Okay, now boy, catch the ball. Catch the ball! (hurls a blast at the Rancor, completely destroying it) Hagh! Awwww! Aww, I broked-ed it, Vali. It must be made of something weak-- like paper maché, or Raynare.

ARLIAN KING: (the audio downgrades in quality) (terrified and begins running up to his throne) Please, I’ll do anything you want! (Vali begins hurling debris at the king's throne) We’ll give you riches, women-- Wait, what are you doing?

VALI: I’m about to rock you... like a hurricane.

Azazel snickered at this. “Guess you’re still in your chunibyo phase here Vali.” He chuckled towards the silver-haired boy.

ARLIAN KING: I love that song! (debris hits the king in the torso, killing him) AAUGHWRR!

VALI: Ha, did you see that, Riser-- that was totally bada-- (looks towards Riser) What are you doing?

RISER: (offscreen) I’m cuddling it, Vali.

VALI: It’s dead, Riser.

“Awwww.” Asia pouted, prompting Xenovia and Akeno to pat her head lovingly.

RISER: NOOOOOO!! (cries) Oh, I remember when we first got him, Vali.

(flashback of Riser Killing the Rancor with Barbara Streisand’s “The Way We Were” playing in the background)

RISER: (audio returns to normal) Ah, good times.

ARLIAN: You have freed our race! You two are the greatest heroes known to our planet! We shall erect statues of you...

RISER: Well, isn’t that nice of them, Val--

ARLIAN: ...out of our dung.

(silence)

While this caused a few laughs and raised eyebrows among the younger audience, the angels and fallen angel were totally unaffected.

“Not the first time that material’s been used for construction.” Azazel yawned.

RISER: Well, isn’t that nice of them, Va--

VALI: We’re leaving, Riser.

RISER: 'Kay.

(Vali and Riser fly to their Space Pods and leave Arlia)

RISER: Look at us, Vali, we saved an entire race from tyranny. We’re heroes, Vali-- we are a couple of really great guy--

(Vali exits his pod and destroys Arlia)

RISER: Ha ha! Ahaha! Ahh... tragic.

“Again,” Issei spoke up. “Not really sympathizing with this version here.”

[ENDING SEQUENCE]

[STINGER]

(scene shifts to a barren wasteland with Millicas eating berries)

MILLICAS: (thinking) Wow, I finally learned how to survive all by myself, live on my own, and surviving off the fat of the land. Mr. Sirzechs will be so proud-- (gets blasted) YAAAYYYAYAYAY... (falls down and starts mumbling)

SIRZECHS: (offscreen) DOOOOOOOOODGE!!!
Sirzechs started to sweat as Grayfia turned towards him, only to be surprised as she looked down at Millicas sitting between them.

“You really need to work on your situational awareness.” she said in a lightly chastising tone. “Even in our real life, you are a valuable target for our enemies. So, you must be aware of your surroundings in order to respond quickly.”

“Yes mother.” the young boy nodded. Meanwhile the crimson haired demon lord mentally sighed in relief. He wasn’t in trouble this time! And he too hoped that Millicas would soon get over this hurdle.

Once again, many thanks to everyone for following along. Hope you enjoyed reading this as much as we enjoyed writing this out. It did take longer, but I hope you all are ok with the current pace we are doing this story. I am also working on other stories at the same time while we both work on personal matters in life. Thank you for your patience.

That’s it for now. Please Favorite, Follow, and Review. But most of all, thank you for reading!

Chapter Text

Hello.

Glad to have you all back for another chapter. Hope you all are fine with the current pace of things.

We hope you all enjoy.

High School DxD is the property of Ishibumi sensei.

Dragon Ball Z Abridged is the creation of Team Four Star

Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z, and Dragon Ball GT are all owned by Akira Toriyama, please support the official release.

“Talking”

‘Thinking’

“Host talking”

‘Host thinking’

Episode 6

“Looks like it has finally been settled.” Vali spoke up smugly. “Even in another reality, I am your destined rival.”

“Yeah yeah.” Issei replied, barely paying attention as he popped some candy into his mouth. “At least I'm the main character/hero.”

“A dim one here it seems.”

“Enough you two.” Azazel interrupted before the two could continue firing off snippy comments. “Shows about to continue.”

[DISCLAIMER]

KAISERNEKO: The following is a fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, Toei Animation, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release.

(scene changes to a dark room with swinging pendulum in the ceiling as Ms. Ophis, Saji, Motohama, Kiba holding Gasper, and Xenovia are seen walking forward)

“Oh! This is where the Z-fighters do the special training!” Irina said excitedly. “I wonder how it’s going to be shown here!”

SAJI: Um. Ms. Ophis, are you sure this’ll make us strong-

1. OPHIS: Pecking order.

SAJI: Sorry!

A shiver went down the spines of the dragons in the room. Great Red was too busy chilling to actively intimidate others. But the idea of Ophis actually using her authority and power to boss around other dragons, was like a nightmare for them.

(everyone arrives at the Pendulum Room)

1. OPHIS: Damn right you are. Now, stand in this circle here.

(everyone minus Xenovia is seen standing on the magic circle)

KIBA: You mean, like this?

1. OPHIS: Yeah. Bye!

SAJI: Wait, what?!

“You know,” Ddraig spoke up. “I think her saying it so cheerfully makes it even worse.”

“At least her usual tone makes it seem like she doesn’t really care.” Albion added in agreement.

(everyone gets teleported to another dimension)

[OPENING SEQUENCE]

(scene changes to King Kai's planet)

KING KAI: Alright, today we will commence your training.

ISSEI: Woohoo! Alright! Now, what’s my first lesson?

KING KAI: First, you must--

ISSEI: Catch the monkey! (begins chasing Bubbles)

Issei and Irina nodded at this. “That’s accurate.”

KING KAI: Actually, I was going to--

ISSEI: (continues to chase Bubbles) Whee!

KING KAI: Okay, have fun with that.

“Wait,” Asia spoke up. “It sounds like that wasn’t the training here.”

“Guess in this version, Issei is so easily distracted and crazy he does that stupidity on his own.” Azazel laughed.

(scene changes to the Z Fighters walking in a ruined city)

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, in... somewhere...

MOTOHAMA: Wow, this place is a wreck.

KIBA: I know-- the desolation, the ruin, the horror.

SAJI: Where are we, New Orleans?

(record scratch)

KIBA: Saji!

SAJI: What?

KIBA: Too soon!

“I don’t get it?” Saji said looking as confused as his on-screen counterpart.

“This is why you need to watch the world news more Saji.” Sona sighed. “If my assumption is correct, then this is a reference to the time the city of New Orleans, Louisiana was hit with powerful hurricanes devastating the area. Meaning your counterpart said a rather rude and tasteless joke” Sona finished adjusting her glasses.

“Oh...OH!...oooooh. I apologize on my other self's behalf” Saji said lowering his head in shame.

(Gasper looks at a helmet)

GASPER: Huh?

HELMET: (quickly) You must construct additional pylons.

“Fucking loved that game.” Azazel grinned.

(Gasper shrieks)

KIBA: Gasper, get away from there.

GASPER: Why?

(helmet disintegrates, revealing the head of a Saiyan)

“I still don’t get how that happened.” Irina commented.

KIBA: You have no idea where that’s been-- it could give you an infection.

GASPER: You’re not my dad-- don’t tell me what to--

(Saiyan attacks Chioutzu, causing him to scream as he falls off the city)

KIBA: Gasper, My partner!

“Sounds about right.” Rias commented. “You and Gasper do get along.” It made Kiba and Gasper smile.

MOTOHAMA: ......Gay.

KIBA: Hey, at least I don’t spend all my free time living alone with a cat!

MOTOHAMA: Hey, at least I get some puss-- Wow, that did not come out right.

“That’s what you get for cheating on Sona you jackass!!!” Saji cried out, not realizing it just made Sona embarrassed at the idea of ever dating him.

SPRAUT: (disembodied echo) Hey, Bruzzel, look what we got here.

BRUZZEL: (disembodied echo) Yes, we’ve got some tourists, Spraut.

SPRAUT: (disembodied echo) Well, then we should give them the tour.

BRUZZEL: (disembodied echo) Yes, the tour straight to hell, because we’ll be killing them, with our own two diabolical hands, which are comprised of many sinister fingers, which we shall use to fiendishly destroy them one by one until--

SPRAUT: (disembodied echo) Oh, for Christ’s sake, yes, they get it-- we’re evil. Shut up!

“Rookies.” Azazel scoffed. “Making the monologue waaay to long.” he looked back at Vali and smirked. “Had to teach You that lesson myself.”

“Shut the fuck up old man.” The silver-haired boy replied, clearly trying to hide his embarrassment.

(Saiyan grabs Saji's ankle and pulls him underground)

SAJI: Oh, God, why?!

(Motohama and Kiba look at the hole as fighting sounds can be heard along with Saji screaming)

SAJI: Oh, God, this can’t possibly get any worse.

1. OPHIS: Hi.

(Saji screaming louder, possibly due to seeing Ms. Ophis.)

(Saji Owned Count: 4)

“You know, I just realized something.” Issei commented. “That counter might get pretty high up there.”

MOTOHAMA: It’s up to us! We have to attack together!

KIBA: Right, back to back! Let’s do it for Gasper!

MOTOHAMA: And Saji!

(crickets chips in silence)

MOTOHAMA: Eh, okay, just Gasper.

“Oh, come on” Saji cried out.

(Motohama and Kiba charge up to attack the Saiyans)

(scene shifts to the Pendulum Room with Ms. Ophis standing next to the circle)

1. OPHIS: Alright, let’s see how they’re doing inside.

(Motohama and Kiba are seen getting hit and screaming in pain as Ms. Ophis laughs, loving every moment of it.)

Meanwhile in the theater, everyone was shivering in fear at her laughter. It was something that should never ever happen in real life. Even her normal monotone laughs are nothing compared to this.

(Eventually, everyone returns to the Pendulum Room, exhausted and terrified.)

1. OPHIS: So, how was it?

(Heavy breathing are heard with Saji muttering something unintelligible about "darkness")

KIBA: It was... horrible.

1. OPHIS: Good, you survived the first test.

SAJI: (relieved) Oh, thank God!

“Since I am acting in their place, you’re welcome.” Michael said.

1. OPHIS: But I have some bad news.

SAJI: What?

1. OPHIS: You’re going back.

“That....that’s a bit different from before.” Gorou gulped.

SAJI: (sounding a bit scared) Wh-What?

1. OPHIS: Bye!

(Z-Fighters all get teleported back to the ruined city)

SAJI: (screaming) No!!!

(short silence with Michael suddenly appearing next to Ms. Ophis)

MICHAEL: Ms. Ophis, where did you send them?

1. OPHIS: I’ll tell you where they’re not: safe.

Azazel shuddered. “Just imagine what Ophis would actually do to someone who pissed them off.”

Everyone turned to the dragon god herself, slurping on her Mega Large Soda with that same blank look. Realizing eyes were on her, she looked around.

“What?” she asked bluntly.

“Nothing.”

(scene changes to King Kai's planet, Issei has just caught Bubbles)

ISSEI: Woohoo! Alright, I caught the mon-- (notices Gregory) ooh, a cricket! (drops Bubbles who screeches in pain)

Issei winced a bit seeing himself act so nonchalant about this.

GREGORY: Yeah, I’m Gregory--

ISSEI: (holding a hammer) I’ma smash him!

GREGORY: (visibly terrified) What? (shift to inside King Kai's house; Gregory is seen blasting by) OHMYDEARGOD!!!

ISSEI: (chases Gregory with the hammer) Wee-hee!

KING KAI: (watering a plant, unconcerned) Shut up, Gregory.

(Gregory screams as Issei hits the ground with a hammer)

BOJACK: Yarr...

KING KAI: (continues watering a plant, unconcerned) Shut up, Bojack.

Issei could not help but drop his shoulders at this. “I’m turning the interesting training into a joke.”

“Story of your life Mr. Oppai Dragon.” Azazel chuckled, even as bits of popcorn were thrown at him.

(scene changes to Michael’s Lookout)

MICHAEL: It seems that your training here is complete.

SAJI: But we--

MICHAEL: Ms. Ophis, do you have any last comments for them?

1. OPHIS: (extremely blunt) You’re all going to die.

“Wow, you didn’t even try to be subtle about it.” Saji said with a sweat drop.

“I mean everything I say, and I am right. You all really are going to die” she said drinking more from her Soda.

MICHAEL: Thank you, Ms. Ophis. Now I believe it is time for you to leave.

SAJI: But-but all we did was--

1. OPHIS: Pecking order.

(Z-Fighter fly off the lookout with Kiba screaming)

SAJI: Oh, God, get out of my way!

Ophis nodded at what happened on the screen while the others winced.

(scene changes to King Kai’s planet)

ISSEI: I completed the first two lessons, King Kai.

KING KAI: Yes, congratulations, you’ve managed to catch my pet monkey, Bubbles, and give Gregory a concussion.

GREGORY: (in pain, off-screen) You psychotic bastard!

“That should be directed at Vali.” Issei grumbled.

KING KAI: Now we can start on your real training, and I can teach you the--

ISSEI: Oh, before you do, could you tell them about the Saiyans.

KING KAI: Not much to tell you other than they all died 20 years ago.

ISSEI: (gasps) Even my dad?

(flashback of Gorou screaming while burning)

This made the Hyoudou’s wince a bit.

“Hey, at least I went out a cool warrior!” Gorou added in a chipper tone as his wife held his hand.

(King Kai is seen holding his mouth, trying not to burst out laughing)

KING KAI: (abruptly) Yes.

ISSEI: Really? What killed them?

KING KAI: Let me check. (checks Wikipedia entry) Let’s see here. "Stupid monkeys hit by falling rocks. Hahahahahahaha! P.S. Freeza rules you." That doesn’t seem right--

ISSEI: Bored now. Let’s get back to training, King Kai!

KING KAI: (lets out an exasperated sigh)

“Even in another reality, Wikipedia ruins minds!” Azazel grumbles.

“I had heard you were not a fan.” Michael interjected. “But I did not think you were this much against the website.”

“Let’s just say that some of the corrections I have made were rejected or undone by dumbasses who don’t know what they are talking about.” was the only think the Fallin Angel had to say.

(scene changes to Master Azazel’s Island)

NARRATOR: And so, one year has passed-- the characters who actually did anything in the last series, but not in this one, have finally found themselves of use and have summoned the Eternal Dragon to wish back their fallen comrade, Issei!

“That was mean.” Asia pouted.

SONA: I don’t get it. Why are we doing this again?

MASTER AZAZEL: Because my sister, Baba, told us to.

(Yu-Long gets summoned)

“So instead of the magic dragon Shenron, we get the magic dragon Yu-Long.” Issei mused.

“Makes sense.” Ddraig spoke out loud. “He’s known as the Mischievous Dragon King because of his magic skills.”

YU-LONG: You have summoned the eternal dragon. Make your wish and I’ll--(recognizes Master Azazel, Sona, and Oolong, with disdain) Oh, God, it’s you guys again. Can’t anyone else find these damn things?! Ah, screw it, whatever, what do you want?

“You know, this actually makes you think a bit on the fact that they are the ones always using the balls and summoning him all the time.” Irina contemplated.

“Yeah, but before, they weren't being used much.” Issei added. “So, it’s kind of a mixed bag if you ask me.”

MASTER AZAZEL: There are two horrible Saiyans coming to our planet and we need Issei to be brought back to life in order to defeat them.

YU-LONG: Really? You know you could, um, just wish me–a magical dragon–to send them into an asteroid field. One crossed wire and BOOM, right in the sun!

“Go on and try it.” Vali smirked. “I’ll survive all right.

MASTER AZAZEL: (insistently) No, you see, as long as we have Issei, we’ll be fine.

YU-LONG: (puzzled) Right... Yeah, okay, fine, whatever, I’ll grant your wish. Just don’t come crying to me when half your stupid asses get killed! Ah, who am I kidding? You will.

His comment made the experienced Dragon Ball fans wince a bit, knowing what was going to happen next.

(Yu-Long's eyes starts to glow and then the scene changes to King Kai's planet, with Issei's halo disappearing)

ISSEI: Hey, King Kai, I’m alive again!

KING KAI: Yes, and you’ve conveniently learned the Kaio-ken and the Spirit Bomb off-screen. Now get the f**k off my planet!

ISSEI: Alright, and thank you, King Kai, for all the training. It’ll be a hard fight when I return to Earth, but now, I’m truly confident--

KING KAI: GO HOME!!!

ISSEI: 'Kay, bye! (flies off King Kai's planet)

(silence as King Kai, Gregory, and Bubbles watch Issei leave)

KING KAI: (sudden realization) Oh, God, what have I done?! I’m all alone again!

“You’re own fault dumbass.” Azazel chuckled.

BUBBLES: (subtitled) Well, good sir, you’ve still my modest company. How about I grab us some tea and some quiet music and we---

KING KAI: Shut up, Bubbles!

GREGORY: Well, I’m still here for you, sir.

KING KAI: Shut up, Gregory!

BOJACK: Yarr, You’ve still have--

KING KAI: Shut up, Bojack!

[ENDING SEQUENCE]

[STINGER]

(scene shifts on Earth in a barren wasteland)

“Oh! It’s us again father!” Millicas cheered, bringing smiles to his parents. “We finally get to show up!”

SIRZECHS: All right, runt, your training is complete. Now you and I will take over the worl--

MICHAEL: (telepathically) Hello? Hello?

“Wait, Michael can talk to me through telepathy!” Sirzechs exclaimed.

“Oh right.” Issei nodded. “Piccolo and Kami could do that.”

SIRZECHS: (telepathically) Ugh. What is it, old man?

MICHAEL: (telepathically) I just wanted to check in and make sure you were ready for the Saiyans.

SIRZECHS: (telepathically) Ready for the what now?

“Oh...right.” Sirzechs sweat dropped. “This version of was doing it to turn Millicas into a warrior of conquest.”

MICHAEL: (telepathically) Didn’t Ms. Ophis tell you? There are two Saiyans headed towards the Earth as we speak. Both several times more powerful than the last one you faced. They should be landing pretty soon-- within a few days, in fact.

SIRZECHS: New plan, Millicas, we’re going to kick some Saiyan ass!

MILLICAS: Um, okay?

(silence)

SIRZECHS: (telepathically) You’re still there, aren’t you?

MICHAEL: (telepathically) I’m just so lonely...

SIRZECHS: (out loud) Get out of my head!

The audience laughed at Sirzechs basically yelling at himself.

Once again, many thanks to everyone for following along. Hope you enjoyed reading this as much as we enjoyed writing this out. Also, we are currently looking into ways to do the “Make a Man out of You” parody. We can’t find a transcript that has the scenes already typed up, but maybe it could be worth it to type them up ourselves. Plus, it would be just for a song.

That’s it for now. Please Favorite, Follow, and Review. But most of all, thank you for reading!

Chapter Text

Hello.

Glad to have you all back for another chapter. Hope everyone is ok with the pace this gets written.

We hope you all enjoy.

High School DxD is the property of Ishibumi sensei.

Dragon Ball Z Abridged is the creation of Team Four Star

Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z, and Dragon Ball GT are all owned by Akira Toriyama, please support the official release.

“Talking”

‘Thinking’

“Host talking”

‘Host thinking’

Episode 7

“The big fight is about to begin!” Issei cheered.

“I know!” Irina cheered right next to him.

“Soon, my rival and I shall have our glorious first encounter.” Vali grinned.

“Of course that’s what you focus on.” Azazel laughed along with a few others. However, the laughter died down as music started to play.

“What’s going on?” Saji.

“Hey this sounds familiar...Isn’t this that song from that Disney movie Mulan?” asked Bikou.

“Of course, you would know that song and movie Monkey boy” said Kuroka with a snicker.

“Now now.” Miki spoke up. “This is a classic. One of the first Disney things to come to this side of the world. And it’s actually good.”

“You quoted that song a few times in the bedroom, didn’t you honey.” Gorou chuckled, wrapping his arm around his wife in a hug.

“Aaaand Disney has now been ruined for me.” Issei groaned.

“Isn’t it already in shambles?” Kiba spoke up. “And by human hands alone no less.”

“Don’t remind us about that last part.” Sirzechs moaned. “There are some factions, that actually think some devils interfered with their business, but nope. It's all them.”

“At least we have the classics.” Yasaka sighed.

“But that begs the question. Why is a Disney song playing in a Dragon Ball themed series” asked Irina.

That was when the singing began.

(Sirzechs) Let's get down to business, to control the world
(Millicas) But I don't think I'm ready. (Sirzechs) Shut up, you nerd

“Wait those aren’t the real-” Bikuou began.

“Zip it. This is good.” Azazel shushed him.
(Sirzechs) You're the saddest runt I've ever met
But you can bet before we're through
Millicas I'll make a man out of you. (But I'm only four.) DODGE! (throws Millicas) (AUGH!)
(King Kai) Raise your hands to the sky to collect the ki
(Issei) Hey, I think I've got it. Ooh look a monkey
(Miss Ophis) You're a spineless, pale, pathetic lot, and you haven't got a clue
Somehow I'll make a man out of you
(Kiba) Oh my god, this is worse than death
(Motohama) Hope Toriyama doesn't screw me
(Gasper) Man I really hope Kiba will be okay (Motohama: Gay! Gasper: Hey!)
(Miss Ophis) What's wrong, maggots? Out of breath?
(Saji) I don't wanna die a virgin
(Miss Ophis) Boy you really need to watch just what you say
(Be a man) (Sirzechs)You must be swift as a coursing river (AAH!)
(Be a man) With all the force of a great typhoon (Mr. Sirzechs, help!)
(Be a man) With all the strength of a raging fire
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon (Millicas: You blew that up, Mr. Sirzechs. I know.)
(Riser) Time is racing forward until we arrive
(Vali) Shut the hell up Riser and you might survive
(Riser) Vali are we there yet? (Vali) No Riser, no we're not
(Riser) How about now? (Vali) No, goddamn it Riser!
(Be a man) (Miss Ophis) You must be swift as a coursing river
(Be a man)With all the force of a great typhoon
(Be a man)With all the strength of a raging fire
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon

Seeing Ophis’s face take over the moon, everyone in the audience could not hope themselves from shivering a bit at the thought of that actually happening. What if she really tried to-

“Boo.” Came from behind them, making everyone jump out of their seat. They slowly turned to find Ophis casually munching away at her infinite snacks. Yet a few of them could see the subtle way the corner of her lips was turned up.
(Be a man) (Issei) I must be swift as a coursing river
(Be a man) With all the force of a great typhoon
(Be a man) With all the strength of a raging fire
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon

Issei: Hey King Kai I did it!

King Kai: Awesome.

A small round of applause went through the audience.
[DISCLAIMER]

KAISERNEKO: The following is a fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, Toei Animation, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release.

“It’s getting started now!” Issei said gleefully.

RISER: Are we there yet?

VALI: (slightly annoyed) No.

RISER: Are we there yet?

VALI: (more annoyed) No.

RISER: Are we there yet?

VALI: (really annoyed) No!

RISER: Are we there yet?

VALI: (now irritated) NO!

RISER: Are we there yet?

VALI: (relieved) Yes.

“Finally!” Vali cried out, raising his hands in victory which inadvertently revealed that he had been clenching the arms of his chair very very tightly.

(Space Pods crash through a building and land in the middle of the road, forming two huge craters)

RISER: Yaaay!

Ravel could only hang her head in shame at the actions of her on screen brother.

[OPENING SEQUENCE]

(scene cuts to Vali and Riser landing on the street, in front of a group of shocked citizens)

RISER: Hey look, Vali, more locals.

(citizens are shown to be completely scared with most of them whimpering)

CITIZEN: ....So, are you guys alien--

(Riser destroys the entire city, leaving nothing but a gigantic crater)

RISER: Ahhh, I hate awkward silences.

“Ah, right.” Issei said nervously. “There actually are a lot of deaths.”

“This is gonna get brutal.” Rias agreed in concern as she patted Asia’s head, knowing how sensitive the former nun was.

VALI: Dammit, Riser, think before you act! What if you’d have blown up one of the Dragon Balls?

RISER: The what now, Vali?

VALI: The Dragon Balls, Riser. Don’t you remember our wish?

(flashback of Issei talking to Raynare about the DragonBalls)

ISSEI: The Dragon Balls, you know? There are seven of them. They grant any wish you want-- like immortality?

OOLONG: Or Sona’s panties!

“Why must that pig bring that up!” Sona shreiked.

(back to present)

RISER: Yeah, pandas...

VALI: You know what, Riser? One of these days you’re going to die. Then you’ll be out of my hair forever. (caption appears at the bottom of the screen saying "Epic Foreshadowing") Now let’s just go. (Vali and Riser fly off towards the Z-Fighters)

Around of chuckles went through some members of the audience, mainly those who remembered the original events. Meaning they know the fate of the poor Phenex. Ravel was one of those who just looked confused at why they were chuckling.

(scene changes to a barren wasteland)

SIRZECHS: (senses the Saiyans' ki) Millicas, on your guard! They’re coming right towards us.

MILLICAS: But, why would they be headed our way?

SIRZECHS: They’re probably seeking to eliminate the strongest power level.

MILLICAS: (not catching on) But... my dad’s dead.

SIRZECHS: (getting irate) I was referring to me!

MILLICAS: Oh, well by that logic, I suppose you would have the strongest power level on Earth.

“Oh, right in my pride” Sirzechs said holding his chest in mock pain.

Miss. OPHIS: (appears as a tiny speck on top of a faraway plateau) Hah!

That made Issei, Vali, and Saji jump in their seats a bit.

(Saji arrives at the battlefield)

SAJI: Hey, guys, Saji’s here!

SIRZECHS: Oh, I thought I sensed someone else coming. Good, it seems you’ve increased your power since we last met.

SAJI: I know! Isn’t it great? I--

SIRZECHS: You’re almost as strong as Millicas now.

SAJI: I-- Wait, b-but he’s only five...

MILLICAS: It’s because I’m a Saiyan!

“And it’s crazy how the real thing actually has that much potential as well.” Saji grumbled.

SAJI: Well, at least there’s only two of you.

“Ohhh how wrong you are.” Issei and Irina chuckle.

SAJI: So, uh, how bad was the training with Sirzechs?

MILLICAS: Well, the training wasn’t that bad. Mr. Sirzechs’s actually really nice after you get to know him.

(flashback of Millicas training with Sirzechs)

SIRZECHS: Millicas, I’ve brought you a sparring partner for today.

MILLICAS: Really? Who?

(scene cuts to Millicas getting chased by a dinosaur)

“Oh. Father, can I have a pet dinosaur!”

“Absolute-” Sirzechs started...

“No.” only for Grayfia cut him off.

(back to present)

MILLICAS: So how was your training, Saji?

(Saji begins whimpering while Miss. Ophis can be heard laughing and his eyes comes up behind Saji.)

SAJI: (breaking down crying) First rule of Ophis’s training: Do not talk about Ophis’s training!

MILLICAS: (puzzled) Saji, why are you crying?

SAJI: (voice starts breaking down) Second rule of Ophis’s training...

“Sounds about right.” Ddraig said with a bit of a sweat drop.

SIRZECHS: Aw man, he’s already crying-- and the Saiyans aren’t even here ye--

RISER: Yeah we are!

(Vali and Riser has arrived at the battlefield as Mars: The bringer of War by Gustav Holst plays in the background)

RISER: Hi.

“It’s strange how this one is dumber, yet more polite than the Riser we know.” Rias somments out loud.

(Vali and Riser land in front of the group)

SIRZECHS: So, you guys are the Saiyans?

RISER: No.

VALI: Don’t be rude, Riser.

SAJI: And you’re here for the Dragon Balls?

RISER: No.

VALI: ...We are. And I am the prince of all Saiyans!

SIRZECHS: You’re a prince?

RISER: No.

VALI: .....F**k you, Riser.

“It’s like dealing with Bikuou except he’s actually dumb.” Vali groaned.

“Right here.” Interjected said monkey king descendant.

“I know. Unfortunately.”

SIRZECHS: So what do we call you?

RISER: I am Riser, and this is Vali. He was a prison...

VALI: (interrupting) Shut up, Riser!

RISER: (whispering) ...bitch.

VALI: (Through clenched teeth) Dammit, Riser.

“Hah!” Azazel laughed. “Imagine that was how you were introduced to someone you just met!” the silver haired youth just grit his teeth.

RISER: (notices Sirzechs) Oh look, Vali, it’s a Namekian.

“Oh, cool we’re getting to that plot point!” Issei grinned.

SAJI: Hey, I take offense to that.

SIRZECHS: He’s referring to me, you idiot. And it’s not an insult; the Namekians are a fine, proud race of--

RISER: That means he doesn’t have a penis, right Vali.

(Sirzechs stands gaping his mouth in shock as snickering from Saji can be heard off-screen trying not to laugh)

VALI: (Amused) Eunuchs.

Looks of shock went through the audience, soon followed by laughter.

“I-I never thought of it like that!” Gorou managed to choke out. “But he’s not wrong!”

“Th-they don’t reproduce like we do!” Miki agreed through her laughs.

MILLICAS: So what exactly does that make you, Mr. Sirzechs? You survive mostly on water-- Does that make you a slug or a plant?

SIRZECHS: (trying to restrain his anger) Millicas, not now!

MILLICAS: And do you also conduct photosynthesis or do you---

SIRZECHS & RISER: NEEEEEERD!!!

MILLICAS: Wait, what?

“Will you stop calling my son a nerd for just stating common sense you knuckledraging neanderthals” Grayfia said through gritted teeth.
“Uh honey you know thats not ‘Me Me’ saying that right?” asked Sirzechs with a worried tone.
“It doesn’t matter, that’s still you” Grayfia said in an uncaring tone

(a couple of news helicopters arrive at the battlefield)

1. KENT: These are them, folks-- the terrible monsters who destroyed West City! Jimmy, hurry up and get a shot of the blonde one.

JIMMY: (looks at Riser  and Saji) Um, Which one, Mr. Kent?

RISER: Look, Vali, the Paparazzi. I have to protect my image! (destroys a cargo robot)

JIMMY: Oh, my God, he blew up the cargo robot! And the cargo was people! (the rest of the news helicopters leave)

“Was that a Superman Reference?” asked Saji.

“I think so.” Bikou replied

RISER: Good, now I’m gonna read their power levels, Vali.

(Riser uses his scouter to read Millicas, Sirzechs, and Saji's power levels, which reads 0.8 Raynare for Millicas, 1.1 Raynare for Sirzechs, and 0.9 Raynare for Saji)

VALI: (removes his scouter) Riser, don’t you understand? They can hide their power levels-- those readings are useless.

“Besides where's the fun in letting a machine tell you how strong they are when you can the evaluation yourself.” Vali said with a smirk

RISER: (also removes his scouter) You mean like YouTube friends?

VALI: Yes, and I have a better way of testing their power levels. Plant the Saibamen.

RISER: (plants a seed at the ground) Yay!

(six Saibamen erupt from the ground)

RISER: Ta-da!

SIRZECHS: (shocked) Wha-what are those?

VALI: They’re cultivated life forms. All with the same power level as Raynare. That’s right; he was so weak, we could actually grow Raynarees!

RISER: But, Vali, then you have to worry about the Fraggles.

VALI: Oh God dammit, Riser, nobody’s going to get that.

“Did anyone get that?” Rias asks looking around, only to see nearly everyone shaking their heads no.

KIBA: (off-screen) As a matter of fact...

(Kiba and Gasper arrive at the battlefield)

KIBA: I did.

“Looks like we have arrived to the party.” Kiba chuckled as he gave Gasper a reassuring smile.

VALI: (sarcastically) Oh, goody, more of them. Who the hell are you?

RISER: Vali, look, more blonde people, (looks at Saji) the small one, (looks at Kiba) the tall one, and-- (looks at Gasper) Ah... Ah... Vali! Look, a Pokémon.

Another round of laughter echoed among the audience.

“Now that I get a better look, Gaspe/Chiaotzu does look like a little Mister Mime.” said Issei between laughs.

GASPER: I’m not a Pokémon! I’m Gasper! Gasper!

RISER: Did you hear that, Vali? It’s a Gasper. (holds a Poké Ball) I’m gonna catch it!

“Where the hell did he get that from!” Issei and Irina cried out with obvious jealousy in their voices.

GASPER: I told you, I’m not a Poké-- (gets hit by a Poké Ball) OW!

RISER: Awwww, it didn't work, Vali.

VALI: That’s because you have to damage it first.

“That’s a good line.” Vali said out loud, taking out a notebook and opening it up. “Might want to save it.” Azazel could only look on and chuckle.

RISER: Alright, let's see if I can get a critical!

There was a moment of silence.

“Ok, I’m going to say it.” Issei spoke up. “That line, is actually kind of hardcore.”

(Gasper flinches in response; Motohama arrives at the battlefield)

MOTOHAMA: Hey, guys, I’m here now.

SAJI: (joyfully) It’s Motohama!

There was a snarl from Sona and Saji, but Issei and Irina merely grinned, as well as the Hyoudou parents. They knew what was coming.

MOTOHAMA: That's right-- don't worry, guys, we worked ourselves half to death with our training, so I know as long as we stick together, we'll take on these Saiyans, and WE WILL WI--

(Saibamen latches onto Motohama and self-destructs. All that's left after the explosion is Motohama's corpse.)

“Aaaand first casualty” said Issei in a monotone voice.

“I have to admit,” Azazel spoke up. “Thanks to the way things have been so far, it’s not that dark.”

“Yeah.” Issei agreed. “Even if it’s a version of one of my friends, I'm not freaking out. Huh.”

SAJI: (off-screen) Yeah...! Woooo...!

“In death as he was in life...All talk, No shock” Saji said with a grin.

“At least my alternate self is rid of that Dumpster fire of a relationship” Sona said with a sigh of relief.

“Amen(Ow) to that” Serafall added.

[ENDING SEQUENCE]

[STINGER]

(Riser is naming the remaining five Saibamen, with an arrow pointing to the first four from right to left)

RISER: And that one’s Snuggles, and that one’s Foofoo, and that one’s Cabbagehead, and that one’s Other-Cabbagehead, (shows a Saibamen struggling to get up) and that one’s Vali Jr.

[Vali kills Vali Jr.]

RISER: Vali Jr., Nooooo!

“Eh.” Vali shrugged. “Story of my life.”

Once again, many thanks to everyone for following along. Hope you enjoyed reading this as much as we enjoyed writing this out. Rather than do a separate chapter for the song, we decided to just throw it in the beginning of the episode reaction.

That’s it for now. Please Favorite, Follow, and Review. But most of all, thank you for reading!

Chapter Text

Hello.

Glad to have you all back for another chapter. Hope everyone is ok with the pace this gets written.

We hope you all enjoy.

And Merry Christmas.

High School DxD is the property of Ishibumi sensei.

Dragon Ball Z Abridged is the creation of Team Four Star

Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z, and Dragon Ball GT are all owned by Akira Toriyama, please support the official release.

“Talking”

‘Thinking’

“Host talking”

‘Host thinking’

Episode 8

“And so begins the joke that is Yamcha.” Irina bemoaned dramatically.

“In this case, it’s Motohama.” Issei pointed out with a chuckle.

“You know, we’re about to see other deaths here.” Azazel pointed out, being knowledgeable about the series.

“Yeah, but its not actually us, and we know how things play out...eventually.” Issei countered. “So it’s fine.”

“Besides,” Vali interjected. “I’m more interested in seeing our rivalry bloom.”

“Big shocker there.” Kuroka interjected sarcastically.
[DISCLAIMER]

KAISERNEKO: The following is a fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, Toei Animation, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release.

(scene opens up at Kame House with Sona, Master Azazel, Oolong and Puar watching a telecast of Motohama's death)

1. KENT: And there you have it, folks. That man is dead. Very, very dead.

JIMMY: Mr. Kent, if you had to come up with a word for how dead he is, what would it be?

1. KENT: "Cadaverific!"

“Using that!” Vali and Azazel said. Vali pulled out his notebook again, taking notes while Azazel kept it in his mind.

SONA: (breaks down crying in Master Azazel's chest) Motohama! No! I was saving myself for him!

MASTER AZAZEL: (...?) Bulls**t!

“Yeah, I agree with myself here, total Bullshit” said Azazel lazily.

“How dare you!” Serafall shrieked. “Are you calling my dear Sona’s chastity into question!” she yelled, much to Sona’s own embarrassment.

“No, I’m calling BS on the fact she was going to waste it, on that waste of space” he said with a chuckle. Serafall glared at him, as if trying to see through his words.

“All right then.” She finally said before sitting back down. At the same time, gears started turning in Issei’s head. If Sona was filling in Bulma’s role, and Vali was filling Vegeta’s....

“Ohhh boy.” He said to himself, sweat dropping. “I think I’ll keep quiet about that for now.”

[OPENING SEQUENCE]

(scene shifts to the battlefield with Saji being struck with grief over Motohama's death)

SAJI: Motohama! Motohama! Motohama was our friend...and you bastards killed him! Don’t worry, Motohama, I’ll avenge you!

“Do I have to.” Saji Grumbled.

"No, but it does add extra drama to the story.” Issei responded

“Besides he is still technically your friend” Irina finished as Saji Grumbled

SIRZECHS: Oh right, you're going to avenge him? The five-year-old over here is stronger than you are!

Grayfia patted Millicas’s head at this.

SAJI: But I--

SIRZECHS: Face it, you’re pretty much here as a meat shield.

(Saji is extremely angry)

RISER: Ha! Look at him, Vali. He’s like the Raynare of their group.

SAJI: That’s it! I can’t take it anymore! I can only be pushed so far!

(HUD from Final Fantasy VII appears at the bottom of the screen, selecting "Saji" and "Limit")

A collective groan went through the audience.

“Man I feel so old seeing that.” Azazel commented as one of the more active gamers in the audience.

(Scatter Shot appears at the top of the screen)

SAJI: SAJI LIMIT BREEEEEAK!!!!

(Battle music from Final Fantasy VII plays as Saji uses Scatter Shot to kill three Saibamen; Victory music from Final Fantasy VII plays after Saji's rampage)

SAJI: (while catching his breath) That was...for Motohama.

“There.” Saji said. “Avenging done.”

VALI: Congratulations, you've just destroyed the equivalent of three Raynare.

SAJI: That’s right! What now, you son of a bi--

VALI: Riser here is worth five Raynare.

SAJI: I-- uh... What?

“Aaaand now we’re starting to see some of the drawbacks of power levels and stuff like that.” Gorou commented.

VALI: And I am worth fifteen Raynare.

SAJI: (disappointed) I... Oh...

RISER: Aw, come on, don’t get so down on yourself. At least you’ve proven that your Raynare is still stronger than our Raynare.

(scene shift to Raynare)

RAYNARE: I...hate...all of you!

“Right back at you bitch.” Issei said bitterly. Even some of the girls threw up middle fingers at her on screen appearance.

(scene shifts back to the battlefield)

VALI: So in short, good for you. Oh, by the way, you missed one.

(one Saibamen pops out from hiding and tries to attack Millicas, only to be grabbed by Sirzechs)

SIRZECHS: Yeah, no.

(punches the Saibamen in its stomach and throws it in the air before blasting it with a mouth blast)

“Don’t you think that was a bit much for just one of them?” Grayfia asked her husband.

“He wanted to show off a bit.” Sirzechs said confidently.

MILLICAS: That was incredible, Mr. Sirzechs!

KIBA: Yeah, way to go!

SAJI: But, what about--

SIRZECHS: Well, you can all learn a thing or two.

SAJI: But I just killed three of them--

GASPER: Nobody cares, Saji!

“Wow.” Kiba whistled. “Never seen you talk so sharply.” He commented to Gasper.

“I-I-I can do it too! One day.”

“I know you can.” Issei said in encouragement.

SAJI: Aww...

VALI: Well, Riser, looks like it’s your turn to teach them a lesson.

RISER: Yeah, right out of Saiyan University. (begins walking towards the Z-Fighters)

VALI: Hold on, you went to college?

RISER: Yup.

VALI: What the hell could someone like you possibly major in?!

RISER: Child Psychology.

“Ok that is unbelievable on soooooo many counts.” Rias interjects. Ravel wanted to say something but couldn’t think of any intelligent retorts.

MILLICAS: Wow, That sounds really interes--

RISER: With a minor in Pain! (dashes towards Kiba and severs his left arm in one punch)

(Kiba screams in absolute pain)

“I know that’s not me.” Vali grumble, jotting in his notebook again. “But it’s still a good line.”

VALI: Looks like he’s been...disarmed!

“Boooo” Said Bikou and Kuroka together.

(silence as the wind blows)

RISER: (off-screen) I get it!

VALI: Shut it, Riser.

(Kiba leaps in the sky)

RISER: Oh, I love this game! Tag! (chases Kiba and kicks him towards the ground) No tagbacks.

Vali could not help but snarl as he wrote this down as well.

KIBA: (thinking) Agh, damn, this guy’s strong. Maybe it would be best if I just took Gasper and-- (notices Gasper is gone) Wait, where is he?!

(Gasper is seen latched onto Riser's back)

“Oh no...this part” Issei said with dread. True this wasn’t HIS Gasper. But it was still a version of Gasper. And it wasn’t just the scene itself, but everything about it.

RISER: Vali, the Pokémon’s on my back.

KIBA: Gasper! No!

RISER: Aww, I can’t get it off, Vali! Here, I’ll use Rock Smash.

(smashes his back into a rock, causing Gasper to whimper in pain)

“Damn it.” Vali grunted, pen moving quickly.

KIBA: Gasper, you get down from there this instant!

GASPER: (telepathically) No! I have to do this, Kiba! For all the people of Earth, our friends, and especially you!

KIBA: But Gasper...!

GASPER: (telepathically) Don’t worry, you can just wish me back with the Dragon Balls! Now, goodbye, my friend!

KIBA: That won’t work, Gasper! We already wished you back once with the Dragon Balls; we can’t do it twice!

“And that’s what really makes this scene hard to watch.” Issei gulped, Irina squeezing his hand as he looked to the Gasper in the audience.

GASPER: (telepathically) Wait, wha--? (explodes)

KIBA: N-No! No! Gasper! GASPERUUU!!!

SAJI: Oh, my God... He blew into more pieces than Motohama!

Many members of the audeince glared at the real Saji.

“Hey!” He shouted in protest. “Not me! I’d never say soemthing like that!”

KIBA: Saji!

SAJI: What?

KIBA: He was my closest friend! I... I loved him.

SAJI: As a memorial to Motohama: gay.

KIBA: (thinking) At least your sacrifice wasn’t in vain, my friend.

(Riser is revealed to be alive, leaving Gasper's sacrifice to be in vain)

RISER: Aww, dang it, Vali. He used Self-Destruct. I hate it when they do that.

KIBA: (off-screen) DAMN IT!

RISER: (lands next to a grieving Kiba) Awwww, I think I made him mad, Vali. Should I talk to him about it? The first step to working out your problems is healthy communication. And--

KIBA: HUAAAH! (tries to punch Riser, but hits a boulder)

RISER: Hey, that was very rude! I was talking to VALI! (punches Kiba, launching him into a boulder)

“Don’t you just hate when that happens.” Vali said.

MILLICAS: Should-- shouldn’t we help him?

SIRZECHS: Can’t you see he has to fight this battle on his own? He’s fighting for the honor of his fallen comrade.

(Riser is seen beating Kiba to a pulp)

KIBA: (getting hit with each word) HELP ME, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, HELP MEEEE!!!

SIRZECHS: Like a hero.

“Sounds noble and all, but he’s getting his ass handed to him!” Saji cried out.

MILLICAS: Mr. Sirzechs, help him!

SIRZECHS: Oh, fine! (to Saji) Saji, go!

(Sirzechs and Saji jump into the air to help Kiba)

RISER: For PONY!!!!!!!! (Sirzechs hits him) UWAGH! He hit me! (Saji knocks Riser towards the ground) GAH HA! He hit me too!

(Riser is seen flying towards Millicas)

SIRZECHS: Millicas, hurry up and blast him with all your strength! Before he has time to DOOOOODGE!

("dodge" echoes traumatically in Millicas’s head, causing him to scream and run for cover)

SIRZECHS: Damn you, Pavlov!

“Don’t blame him.” Azazel chuckles. “Blame the kid for being spineless and you for your training.”

“Perhaps Millicas does need to be touched up.” Grayfia muses.

(scene goes static and switches to a news reporter)

NEWS REPORTER: For those of you who don’t know who Pavlov is, allow us to take a brief moment to explain. Back in 1904--

OOLONG: (banging his hand on the TV) Get back to the fight!

NEWS REPORTER: Annnd back to the fight.

“Thank you!” Issei and Irina say in unison.

(scene goes static and changes back to the fight, with Riser recovering from Sirzechs and Saji's surprise attack)

RISER: Hey, not gonna lie. Dick move, guys, dick move.

SAJI: Sirzechs, do you have a plan?

SIRZECHS: That depends; can you get him in a Full Nelson?

“NO! No no no no no!!” Saji shook his head furiously.

SAJI: Any plans that don’t involve killing me?

SIRZECHS: Well, there is the multi-form technique.

SAJI: But doesn’t that cut our power levels by--

SIRZECHS: Plan A or Plan B, Saji!

SAJI: Plan B! Plan B!

SIRZECHS & SAJI: Kage Bunshin no Jutsu! (three clones of Sirzechs and Saji appear)

RISER: Vali! I can’t....."believe it".

(Vali gives off an annoyed groan off-screen)

So did the teenagers in the audience.

“Was the Naruto reference really needed?” Issei groans.

“I don’t think the last part was needed at least.” Irina added.

(the three Sirzechss and Sajis attack Riser, who dominates them with his superior strength)

SIRZECHS: (thinking) Hrgh, he’s dodging every hit! We can’t lay a finger on him! What kind of incredible mental discipline has this guy gone through?

RISER: Patty cake, patty cake, baker’s MAN! (punches a Saji clone) Bake me a cake as fast as you CAN! (punches a Sirzechs clone and eventually launches all three clones towards the ground)

(Saji slams onto the ground, followed by his two clones, causing him to groan in pain)

(Saji Owned Count: 5-7)

(Sirzechs also hits the ground, followed by his doubles, which knocks him down)

RISER: Good effort, but I’m the Patty Cake champion.

Ravel shook her head in embarrassment while Vali tried to hide the notebook he had been using to write down Riser’s lines.

SIRZECHS: (after a short pause) What?

RISER: But, at least you didn’t uselessly self-destruct like that Pokémon.

KIBA: (gets up from Riser's beatdown earlier) You stupid...ugly...son of a bitch. (begins charging a blast) His name...was GASPER! KIKŌHŌ! (fires a Spirit Tri-Beam at Riser)

RISER: Yeah, that Gasper-- OH, MY GOOOOOD! (gets hit directly by Kiba's attack)

KIBA: (thinking) Right here... Right behind you, Gasper. (falls on the ground, dying from using up all his energy)

There were more looks of sadness on the faces of the audience, seeing another sacrifice right before them. Especially since...

(Riser again survives the attack, this time, losing some of his armor)

RISER: Aha, pointless.

“Aaaand he lived through it.” Issei grumbled. “Kind of makes sense that it’s Riser with that endurance of his.”

SAJI: (absolutely terrified) We’re gonna die, aren’t we.

RISER: Yep! (charges towards the remaining Z-Fighters, who all stand frozen in fear, but suddenly stops in midair and looks at Vali)

RISER: Vali!

VALI: (annoyed) What?

RISER: I can fly...!

VALI: (starts stammering before letting out a sigh) Yes, Riser, yes you can.

“You know, somehow, he’s making you seem intelligent Bikuou.” Vali groaned.

“Thanks, I guess” Bikuo replied

“Also saying this respectfully but if I have to endure this idiot any longer, I’LL go in there and kill him myself.” Vali said.

“Wait can you even do tha-” Issei started before Vali Interrupted. “I’M ABOUT TO TRY!”

SAJI: You know, you’re gonna be in a lot of trouble once Issei gets here!

VALI: Who?

SAJI: Issei! He’s stronger than all of us combined!

VALI: Well then, I guess we better kill you before he gets here.

SAJI: W-Wait, I mean...

RISER: But Vali, I wanna meet the strong guy!

VALI: Riser just kill them first and--

RISER: But I want him to see us kill them!

VALI: Oh, God, there’s no arguing with you. Fine, I’ll give you three hours tops. After that, I’m killing all of you.

“Huh.” Azazel spoke. “Normally you’d be the one playing around for the showmanship of it.” he said to Vali.

“It has been a LONG Day. For the other me anyway.” Vali said with a groan.

“So when you mean ‘All of you’ does that include Riser” Asked Kuroka.

“Probably knowing myself” Vali said without hesitation.

“Can you NOT talk about killing my brother like its nothing!?” Ravel yells

“Not my fault I have a low tolerance for Idiots” Valis said leaning back.

“What does that make Bikou?” replied Issei.

“HEY!” he yelled back before Vali replied. “He scrapes by because he's useful...if only slightly”

RISER: Yay! And now we wait.

(Thirty seconds later...)

RISER: Is he here yet?

SIRZECHS, MILLICAS, & SAJI: No.

RISER: Is he here yet?

SIRZECHS, MILLICAS, & SAJI: No...!

RISER: Is he here yet?

SIRZECHS, MILLICAS, & SAJI: NO!

RISER: Is he here yet?

SIRZECHS, MILLICAS, & SAJI: NOO!!

(long pause)

RISER: ...Is he here ye--?

VALI, SIRZECHS, MILLICAS, & SAJI: NOO!!!

Ravel buried her head in shame once again.

“Even as a child he was not this annoying.” Rias grumbles

VALI: Goddammit, Riser, just go do something! Go have fun-- I don’t care how.

RISER: Oh boy! This is gonna be my best...day...ever.

(scene shifts to Riser destroying both naval and air forces, laughing while doing so, while Peewee's Pocket Circus plays in the background)

(scene shifts back to the battlefield with the Z-Fighters waiting for Issei until Vali's scouter beeps)

VALI: Well, time’s up-- time to die. (removes his scouter and throws it at the ground)

SIRZECHS: So, where’s your friend--

RISER: I'm back! (elbows Sirzechs in the head)

[ENDING SEQUENCE]

[STINGER]

VALI: Riser, where did your armor go?

RISER: I had a hell of a day, Vali. I sank their battleship...and their whales.

(scene shifts to the remains of a navy ship floating in a bloody ocean, presumably the blood of the whales Riser indirectly murdered)

AQUAMAN: (off-screen) Nooo...

“That was unnecessary.” Azazel sweat dropped.

“I imagine the Heavenly father would be most upset for this.” Michael nodded in agreement. “He was most proud of the whales.”

“Indeed.” Gabriel sighed. “I still remember when he spoke to Job and went into great detail on them.”

Once again, many thanks to everyone for following along. Hope you enjoyed reading this as much as we enjoyed writing this out. We threw in a reference to something recent. Comment if you think you got it. We'll reveal the answer in the AN of the next chapter!

That’s it for now. Please Favorite, Follow, and Review. But most of all, thank you for reading!

Chapter Text

Hello.

Glad to have you all back for another chapter. We are making good progress! Getting these first few episodes out at least once a month is great, but I doubt we’ll be able to keep this pace as we get into longer episodes.

We hope you all enjoy.

High School DxD is the property of Ishibumi sensei.

Dragon Ball Z Abridged is the creation of Team Four Star

Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z, and Dragon Ball GT are all owned by Akira Toriyama, please support the official release.

“Talking”

‘Thinking’

“Host talking”

‘Host thinking’

Episode 9

“So, they are left with just Sirzechs, Saji, and Millicas.” Azazel tallies.

“And Sirzechs was just knocked down by Riser.” Grayfia added. “Definitely something you won’t normally see.”

“And we are still waiting on Issei.” Vali finished for them. “Care to explain what’s taking him so long?” He says, turning to the fans.

“Well, I think it’s a matter of the incredible distance he has to cover.” Irina theorized. “At least I think that was the reason for Goku taking so long.”

“I’ll be there soon.” Issei gulped, knowing that by the time he arrived, the battlefield would look...worse.
[DISCLAIMER]

KAISERNEKO: The following is a fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, Toei Animation, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release.

(scene opens up with Millicas trying to wake up Sirzechs, who is unconscious from Riser's attack last episode)

MILLICAS: Mr. Sirzechs, wake up! You have to stop him!

SIRZECHS: (incoherent mumbling)

“The Maou ladies and Gentlemen” Azazel said before laughing followed by a few others. While Sirzechs sinks in his seat.

SAJI: Don’t worry, Millicas! Issei's never let us down! I’m sure he’ll be here any second!

(scene cuts to Issei eating food at Princess Snake's castle at Other World)

“Oh come on!” Issei cried out. “I’m not that bad! And neither is Goku!”

“Seems you lack self-control.” Vali said in a mocking way getting chuckles from everyone else.

“Now now.” Akeno cooed. “It just shows that Issei could not resist spending more time with me.” She trills giving Rias a playful look.

ISSEI: (with his mouth full) Thanks for the food again, Princess Snake!

PRINCESS SNAKE: Well, it’s the least I could do for trying to eat you like that. But I thought there was... (ISSEI: Hmm, bacon!) something else you had to do? Something about Saiyans...and the Earth?

(Issei gulps down his food and takes a long pause)

(scene cuts to Issei running on Snake Way)

ISSEI: Crap! Crap! Crap! Crap!

“You better move your ass Hyoudou or we’re good as dead!” Saji yelled shaking his fist at Issei while Grayfia was glaring at him.

[OPENING SEQUENCE]

(scene shifts to Millicas still trying to wake up an unconscious Sirzechs)

MILLICAS: Mr. Sirzechs, get up! Please, get up! Seriously, he’s gonna kill us!

RISER: Well, the green guy’s out. Too bad. Guess I’ll have to find someone else to play with!

SAJI: (thinking) Please not me! Please not me! Please not me! Please not me! PLEASE NOT ME!!!

RISER: Eenie-meenie-minie-(to Millicas) you.

“What!” Rias and Grayfia cried out.

MILLICAS: Wh-What?! (Riser kicks Millicas) AUGH!

(Millicas gets sent flying into a boulder and lands on the ground)

SAJI: (off-screen) WHOOO! Not me! (notices Millicas does not get up) Millicas? (Riser looks towards Saji) Uh-oh! Thought that would have lasted longer!

Saji could feel the glares aimed towards him, as if they were burning holes through his skin, making him slide down as much as possible.

RISER: Midget's next! (charges after Saji) RHAAAA!!!

SAJI: (desperately) Wait! My turn! My turn! My turn!

RISER: Oh! (suddenly stops dead in his tracks)

VALI: What-- Riser, what are you doing?

RISER: It’s his turn, Vali. I have to wait for him.

“Hmmm. That’s actually clever Saji.” Sona said. “Taking advantage of your opponent's simple mind to trick them.” Her words made Saji perk up. “But it’s only good if you can actually take full advantage of it.” that made him go flat again.

VALI: (stammers in complete confusion while his nose starts to bleed)

RISER: You okay, Vali?

VALI: Yes just...just an aneurysm out of sheer stupidity...

“I feel that here.” Vali groaned as he held in face in his hands. “Thankfully I’m more durable and don’t get aneurysms that easily

RISER: Wow, didn’t think you were that stupid, Vali.

(Vali screams in frustration)

VALI: (struggling to restrain his temper) Nine minutes, eighteen seconds... Nine minutes, eighteen seconds...

RISER: What’s that, Vali?

VALI: Happiest...moment...of...my life.

SAJI: Hey! STOP TREATING ME LIKE A JOKE, DAMMIT! I’ve got a new technique-- (begins charging his Destructo Disc) Which I probably could have used earlier and maybe saved all of our friends’ lives... But, that’s besides the point! Get ready for my DESTRUCTO DISC!

“You took too long to take advantage of the opening you created.” Sona lectured Saji, making the sandy blond sulk deeper in his seat.

SIRZECHS: (barely alive) Laaame...

“You use the last of your life to throw an insult?” Grayfia asked stockily as Sirzechs could only chuckle and shrug his shoulders.

“Not much else he can do at this point” Azazel commented

SAJI: Now, take THIS! (throws Destructo Disc at Riser)

RISER: Ooo! A frisbee, Vali!

VALI: Riser, no! It's a trick!

RISER: But Vali, Trix are for kids.

VALI: ...You know what, Riser? On second thought, catch it. Catch it with your teeth.

Everyone looked at Bikuou, making him turn around.

“What?” He asked.

“We’re wondering if you’re that stupid as well.” Kuroka spoke up, grin on her face.

“Screw you guys!”

RISER: Yay, like a doggy! Bow--(gets cut by the disc, which rebounds towards a small mountain) Ow!

RICOLA GUY: Riiiicolaaaa... (The disc cuts the top of the plateau off, causing it to fall) OH, GOD DAMN IT!!! (the top collapses into a pile of rubble)
“Uhahah...whoops...sorry about that” Saji laughed nervously.

“Sooo close” Vali said hoping the attack would lop the annoying bastards head off.

RISER: (seeing the cut on his face) Oh no! My face! My precious modeling career!

(Remembers having his photo taken for a Vogue magazine)

Rias felt like throwing up, while Ravel buried her head in her hands.

“It sucks how I can see him doing this.” Rias groaned in disgust.

“He actually did brag about being model level handsome one time.” Ravel groaned. “But this is just ridiculous.”

“Well I have to say it’s nice to see that face of his all messed up.” Issei chuckled.

“Same.” Vali nodded.

RISER: You know, I was trying to be a team player. (begins charging a blast) Trying to be a nice guy!

SAJI: You killed half our friends!

RISER: I said, "trying!" (throws blast at Saji)

SAJI: Well you’re failing-- Oh, God! (gets hit by Riser's blast)

(Saji Owned Count: 8)

RISER: And so are you!

SIRZECHS: I’m back! (shoots Riser in the back)

RISER: AAAAAUGH... Iseewhatyoudidthere.

“That’s what you get for underestimating me.” Sirzechs declared puffing his chest out.

SIRZECHS: Now, it’s you and me, big guy! And I’m gonna kick your a--

(Millicas, also regaining conscious, kicks Riser into a pile boulder)

MILLICAS: Take that, you insufferable f**king simpleton!

SIRZECHS: WHOA, Millicas! What the hell?!

The audience was just as shocked, though in different ways. While all of them were surprised at the swearing that came out of nowhere, Grayfia and Rias were more angry surprised.

“Millicas!” Grayfia scolded. “There is no reason for you to use such language!”

“But mother, I didn’t.” Millicas pouted.

MILLICAS: (calmed down) Oh? Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Sirzechs, I didn't mean to snap like that!

SIRZECHS: No, stay snapped! STAY SNAPPED-- (Riser recovers from the attack) Augggh, God damn it...

RISER: (growls) You-a-making-me-so-mad! (begins charging up a powerful blast while Millicas stands still, completely paralyzed in fear)

RISER: Vali, look, "Imma firing my--" (face turns into Shoop the Whoop) BLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!

“That joke.” Issei groaned.

(Millicas still does not try and dodge the blast and stands still, paralyzed with fear)

SIRZECHS: (thinking while running towards Millicas) Alright, it’s time to redeem myself-- through one final act of redemption. (appears in front of Millicas to protect him from Riser's attack) I’ll save Millicas and-- Wait a second, why didn’t I just grab him? I can probably still do that now, actually! Yeah, that's it, I’ll grab him and throw him out of the way-- (gets hit by Riser's blast) GAAAAAAAAAAH!!

“Reaaaally should have done that first.” Sirzechs groaned. “I know that I would first grab Milicas and take him to a safe spot first.”

“I would believe that you would first make sure he’s nowhere near a battleground in the first place.” Grayfia interjected, narrowing her eyes at Sirzechs.

“Yes of course.” He replied quickly.

(a giant explosion occurs, which causes a giant shockwave)

SAJI: WAAHAA!!

(smoke clears, revealing that Sirzechs is still alive, but mortally wounded)

SIRZECHS: Yeah, that’s right, I can take anything you can dish o-- (in his thoughts) oh, God, there go my organs. (falls to the ground)

MILLICAS: Mr. Sirzechs!

SIRZECHS: (weakly) Unh... Millicas...come closer... There’s...something...I have to tell you...

MILLICAS: Is it that you always pictured me as a son, because you can never make your own-- considering you lack the reproductive organs to produce your own legitimate offspring?

“But you are my son.” Sirzechs pouted.

“Not there. That version is Issei’s son.” Millicas replied, making the crimson devil glare at Issei, who tried to hide in his seat.

SIRZECHS: (weakly) Neeeeerrrrrrd.

MILLICAS: Wh-what?

SIRZECHS: Just...shut up and...listen.

MILLICAS: What is it, Mr. Sirzechs?

SIRZECHS: (weakly) Why...didn't...you... (at the top of his lungs) DOOOOOOOODGE?! Bleh. (dies)

Members of the audience lowered their heads in respect, never expecting to see Sirzechs actually fall in battle, even if it was an alternate version.

“You know he has a point.” Bikuou spoke up. “If the kid didn’t just stand there, he wouldn’t have had to jump in at all...” he trailed off as he felt an increase in intensity in the atmosphere of the room. He looked around to see glares leveled at him. At the same time, Millicas was hugging his father, clearly upset. Making Grayfia glare at Bikuou even harder.

There was a moment of rest before they continued to watch.

MILLICAS: NOOOOOO!! (his scream continues to echo, eventually being heard at Michael's Lookout)

MICHAEL: Ugh! Well Ms. Ophis, it seems my time has come.

“Interesting.” Michael commented. “So, our life forces are connected.”

“Hah.” Azazel chuckled. “The holder of title Lucifer and holder of seat of God connected. Can't tell if that’s fitting, or ironic.”

“Well,” Michael began.

“No!” Issei interjected. “We are not having that Red vs Blue debate!”

“Huh?” most of the older audience members said.

“Forget it.” Issei sighed. “Just don’t. We'll be here forever.”

MICHAEL: But don’t worry, my friend, you can go to Namek and wish myself and the others back with their Dragon Balls. It will be a long and arduous journey, but I’m sure you can--

1. OPHIS: Bitch, I ain’t going nowhere.

MICHAEL: But Ms. Ophis, the fate of the entire universe is--

1. OPHIS: Pecking order!

“Big mistake thinking anyone can order around Ophis.” Ddraig spoke up.

“You said it.” Albion shuddered. “Reminds me of that one time some god tried that.”

“Wait what?” Azazel turned around. “First I’ve heard!” his brother nodded in agreement.

“That’s how bad they got wiped out.” Ddraig said. “Not even a trace left.”

“They were annoying.” Ophis interjected, confirming to everyone that this indeed did happen.

MICHAEL: But... I... Well then... goodbye, my friend. (fades away following the death of Sirzechs)

1. OPHIS: (zooms in to her eyes) BYYYYE.
   Everyone backed away, they could see that a hundred times but still feel like thier souls where wrapped in permafrost from the sight.

(scene shifts back to the battlefield, with Saji helplessly watching Millicas mourn over Sirzechs's death)

RISER: Vali, did you see me kill the green guy?

VALI: (reading a magazine) Yes, Riser, that was a very good kick.

“That’s how I feel being in charge of you two.” Vali said pointedly to Bikuou and Kuroka.

RISER: Daww, Vali! You weren't watching! Can you at least watch me kill the toddler?

VALI: Ugh, fine! (throws magazing at the ground)

MILLICAS: GRAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! I'm gonna eviscerate you and use your gastrointestinal tract as a condom while I fornicate with your skull!

Most of the audience sat there in utter silence at the absolutely HORRIFIC and not to mention GRAFIC image the little devil had created from his words. Poor Rias and Grayfia were pale white like statues hearing their adorable Son/Nephew paint such a vile and violent scene with his sweet voice. While others of the less mature bracket, including Azazel were laughing their Asses off at what the kid said.

“Damn kid you kiss your mother with that mouth!” Azazel said between laughs.

RISER: (short pause) What?

MILLICAS: I’M GONNA SKULLF*CK YOU! MASENKOOO-HAAAAA! (fires a Masenko at Riser)

That erupted more laughter which eventually snapped the stunned Grayfia and Rias from their petrified state.

“Millicas!!” Grayfia and Rias cried out in shock.

“It’s not me!” The young boy protested. “I never heard of that expression before!”

“And you will certainly not say it ever!” Grayfia scolded.

RISER: AAAAAH!

(Riser deflects Millicas's blast into a plateau)

RISER: (while holding his hand, which is numb) Arrrrrgh. Bitch Please!

MILLICAS: I’m sorry, Mr. Sirzechs. I-I failed you...

SAJI: You sure did! I uh... I mean...sorry for your loss.

RISER: Well, it’s been fun, kid--I mean, for me, not for you. As for you, everyone important to you is dead.

SAJI: Hey, I’m still alive--

RISER: Everyone important!

Saji just flipped off the On-screen Riser for that comment.

SAJI: (sadly) Damn it.

RISER: (raises his foot) Now, Riser Smash!

Those who have never seen Dragon ball where on pins and needles thinking the boy was done for and Grayfia closed her eyes not wanting to see her son crushed under the brutes' foot.

(Millicas and Saji both close their eyes, preparing for the worst, but Millicas is suddenly moved out of the way before Riser can crush him with his foot)

RISER: Oo-wa-waa? Hey! Where’d he go! Did he disappear, or was he never there to begin with? (dramatic music and screen zooms in on Riser's face)

(Millicas is shown to be on top of Flying Nimbus)

Issei smirked. “That can only mean one thing.”

“He’s stealing my thing.” Bikuou pouted.

RISER: Oh, wait, there he is.

MILLICAS: Huh?

(Issei lands, finally arriving at scene of the battle)

The girls of the ORC cheered as Issei appeared, finally.

ISSEI: Hey, guys! What'd I miss? I--(notices everyone's corpses) Oh, are they all... Kiba... Sirzechs...? Motohama? Oh wow, especially Motohama... (notices Gasper’s body is nowhere to bee seen) Wait, where’s Gasper?

SAJI: Oh, he’s here...and there...and there...and--

MILLICAS: Saji!

SAJI: What?

MILLICAS: Too soon!

“Yeah Saji.” Kiba said glaring at his fellow blonde.

ISSEI: I’m sorry I’m late, you guys. But I brought some Senzu Beans for you!

SAJI: Woohoo! Thank you, Ex Machina.

ISSEI: (to Vali and Riser) Hey! Which one of you did all this?

RISER: That was me, totally calling it. (Issei is shaking in rage over the loss of his friends) I killed every single one of them-- except for Gasper. He blew himself up!

(Issei continues to shake in anger and begins to power up)

ISSEI: (powering up) HHHHAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!

“Rival if you can do even remotely one favor for me. Is that you will shut this jibbering oaf up” Vali said while also being impressed by Issei’s explosive power up.

RISER: Vali, what does the scouter say about his power level?

VALI: (Takes off his scouter) It's...one thousand and six.

“Huh?” Issei and Irina said.

“That doesn’t sound right.” Gorou commented.

RISER: Wha-- really?

VALI: Yeah, kick his ass, Riser! (turns off his scouter)

RISER: YAY! (charges into battle with Issei)

(Riser gets beaten to pulp while Vali, Millicas, and Saji watch, completely shocked at Issei's beatdown)

RISER: (while getting pummeled by Issei) OOOWWW! Ow ow ow ow! Dah! Doh! Dah! Doh! Doh! Doh! Doh!

VALI: Hm, that doesn't seem right...

RISER: (faintly in background) My arm doesn't bend that way! My arm doesn't bend that way! (loud crunching sound is heard) Oh, now it does!

VALI: Wait, wait, wait, wait... Riser!

(Riser gets knocked over next to Vali)

RISER: (in pain) WHAAAAAT?!

VALI: I had the Scouter upside down. (once again takes off his scouter) It's over nine thousand. (calmly crushes scouter) Rah.

“Ohhhhh.” The native japanese said in realization.

“Well this does confirm its more like the american version.” Issei commented. “Because it’s supposed to be eight thousand. Uncultured swine.”

RISER: Why do you sound so bored?!

VALI: Because, Riser, it's still not a threat.

RISER: But--

VALI: To me. Besides, once we get the Dragon Balls, we’ll just wish for immortality! Then no one will be able to stop us.

ISSEI: Wait, what? But you killed Sirzechs.

“Still wrong to think happened.” Rias said.

VALI: And your point is...?

ISSEI: Well, if he’s dead, the Dragon Balls don’t work.

VALI: Wh... what?

RISER: Oh, and I totally killed that guy. Oh well, at least we still had fun getting here, right, Vali? (Vali growls in anger) Vali? Remember the bug planet? (Vali continues growling in anger) Vali? Vali? Vali? Vali? Vali? Vali? Vege-- (scene cuts to Riser getting killed by Vali) AAAAAAAAAGH!!! (gets obliterated in an explosion as Vali is last seen staring at the sky and giving an evil smirk)

[ENDING SEQUENCE]

“Ohhhh yes.” Vali shivvered in excitement. “The idiot is finally gone!”

“That’s my brother you’re talking about!” Ravel cried out.

“Is he that stupid in real life.” Vali asked.

“No.”

“Then nothing to worry about.” The White Dragon Emperor shrugged.

“That’s not the point Vali.” Issei interjected.

“Whaaatever.” He said. “Now we get to the real fight.” He grinned. Everyone else just sighed at his obvious battle lust.

‘Be careful what you wish for’ Issei thought knowing full well how the battle with Vegeta ended for him and how it will end for Vali.

Once again, many thanks to everyone for following along.

Seems like no one got the reference last chapter. The whole thing with Whales, we made a reference to Good Omens. Specifically, the scene where God starts ranting to Job about everything that went into creation, and Job walks away remembering how proud God was with the whales.

That’s it for now. Please Favorite, Follow, and Review. But most of all, thank you for reading!

Chapter Text

Hello.

Glad to have you all back for another chapter. We are making good progress! As you can see, we chose to make episode 10 one long chapter instead of breaking it apart into 3 chapters. Yes, we know that it was released on YouTube as 3 separate parts, but we decided to do just one chapter. This won’t be the case for other season finales. Since those parts are longer and dense compared to the parts for episode 10, we’ll do those reactions as separate parts. Still, you can see why this took so long.

We hope you all enjoy.

High School DxD is the property of Ishibumi sensei.

Dragon Ball Z Abridged is the creation of Team Four Star

Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z, and Dragon Ball GT are all owned by Akira Toriyama, please support the official release.

“Talking”

‘Thinking’

“Host talking”

‘Host thinking’

Episode 10

“Here we are at last.” Vali gleefully said. “The beginning of our epic rivalry in another world. Truly we are destined-”

“Please stop.” Issei groaned. “You’re ruining the anticipation with your dramatics.”

Vali merely shook his head and sighed.

“As always, you prefer to ignore the strings of destiny.” He said with a big gesture. “Perhaps seeing this fight with alternate version of ourselves will change your mind.”

“Your host is quite dramatic.” Said Ddraig.

“How do you think I feel, I have to live with him. He can turn a five-minute story into a Greek Tragedy.” Replied Albion with an exasperated tone.

“Better than this perverted brat spending a whole hour about women’s body.” Ddraig shuddered.

“Let’s focus on Vali’s flare for the dramatics later. We finally got to the good part of the show.” Azazel said drawing everyone’s attention back to the screen.

[DISCLAIMER]

KAISERNEKO: The following is a fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, Toei Animation, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release.

VALI: (laughs maniacally) He's gone! He's finally gone! I’m so happy right now! I might not even slaughter you all!

“Can you please not revel in the fact you blew my brother to smithereens!” Yelled a frustrated Ravel.

“It was his own fault for not shutting the hell up. I’m surprised my counterpart lasted that long; I would have done it ages ago.” said Vali

“Then how can you stand Bikou” asked Issei

“Hey! Don’t drag me into this!” Yelled the monkey king descendent in question.

“He knows my limit.” Vali said. “Plus, it helps that I got that nifty gourd to trap him in. And when he does push my limits, he’s actually a good workout.”

“Something also tells me that the Vali on screen has much less patience than the one we have here.” Kiba commented.

SAJI: Re-Really?

VALI: (laughter dies down) Oh no, you’re all thoroughly screwed.

SAJI: Awww.

“Did you really think he would leave?” asked Sona

“A guy can hope, can’t he?” As Saji with a nervous smile.

ISSEI: Millicas, Saji, I’ll handle Vali on my own. I need the both of you to get as far away as-- (Saji is suddenly gone) Where’d Saji go?

(scene cuts to Saji screaming flying away and then back to the battlefield where Issei places his hand on Millicas)

“Really Saji?” Asked Sona shaking her head.

“Hey! I know my limitations and so does Issei, no way in the seven circles of Hell I’m fighting Vali Lucifer without some level of assurance of my survival!”

“My assurance is that you at least won’t feel anything.” said Vali giving Saji a sinister grin making the host of Vritra gulp nervously. Though this quickly got him a slap on the back of his head from Sona.

ISSEI: Millicas, follow Saji. Get home to your mother.

MILLICAS: Right, Daddy. Is there anything you want me to tell her?

ISSEI: Yes, Millicas. Tell her... ("Coming Undone" by Korn plays as the camera slightly zooms in on Issei's face) to put dinner on... ("Coming Undone" plays again with the camera zooming in on Issei's face) because I’m hungry. (plays a third time with the camera once again zooming in on Issei's face)

“Really, that’s all you wanted our son/my nephew to say to me? Get dinner ready?” said a slightly annoyed Rias.

“In my defense this version of me/Goku is pretty one track when it comes to food or fighting.” said Issei.

“Or maybe he’s that confident.” Asia spoke up. “He’s certain he’ll return home in time for a good meal.”

“Only here it’s cranked up to eleven leaving them…kinda dumb.” said Irina.

[OPENING SEQUENCE]

(scene cuts to Issei flying down on the battlefield)

VALI: Alright, are you ready for this?

ISSEI: You bet I am! But first, why don’t we take this battle somewhere else?

VALI: What’s wrong with here?

ISSEI: I don’t know. Something about it doesn’t feel right.

VALI: Well, it is a little corpsy. (looks at the corpses of Motohama, Kiba, and Sirzechs)

“I don’t know why he’s complaining nothing wrong with battle surrounded by the dead.” Said Albion.

“That’s how a battlefield should be.” Ddraig scoffed. “And just because you don’t see corpses, doesn’t mean they weren’t there at some point.”

The supernatural leaders could not help but sweat drop at these comments. Not because of how insensitive they were by normal standard, but by the fact that they mentally agreed. A sign of their own war experiences.

(scene shifts to King Kai's planet)

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, on King Kai’s planet.

KING KAI: (in his thoughts) So, the fight is about to begin. The showdown between the Saiyan elite and the low-class warrior, trained by me. (out loud) Takin’ all bets, guys! Takin’ all bets!

BUBBLES: (subtitled) 70,000 zeni on the noble young warrior!

BOJACK: (from inside King Kai's planet) Yargh! I bet 50 gold doubloons on the short one!

GREGORY: Uh, sir, is this really appropriate? If Issei loses, the entire Earth could be destroyed!

“Boooooo. Soil sport!” Azazel jeered. “Big fights have big stakes anyway. Might as well make them fun with some small betting stakes on the side.”

“You mean like how you and other siblings tried to bet on whether or not Cain would kill Abel.” Michael asked levelling a look at Azazel.

“Exactly.”

(King Kai creates a large hammer)

KING KAI: You were saying?

GREGORY: D’ah, 1,000 zeni on Issei.

NARRATOR: Hey, can I get in on this?

KING KAI: Wait a second. Don’t you already know the outcome of the fight?

NARRATOR: N-Noooo......

“Didn’t stop the heavenly father from making wagers.” Azazel scoffed.

“Those were tests of human faith, and you know it.” Michael countered.

(scene cuts back to Earth where Issei guides Vali to a wasteland to start their battle)

ISSEI: This is it!

VALI: Ah, yes. A perfect place to mark your grave.

“FINALLY! Now we get to the fun part. The epic battle between two powerful warriors!” said Vali ready to see His and Issei’s own counterparts' clash.

ISSEI: Listen, we don’t have to do this, you know. If you leave now and promise to never come back, I’ll let you go. And we can stop this meaningless bloodshed.

VALI: Such trite! Where’s your Saiyan pride, Kakarot? We are proud warriors! Bred to fight and conquer. This planet has made you soft.

“You know...” Issei commented. “He’s actually sounding like you even more Vali. Literally asking for a fight.”

ISSEI: Are you sure about this? Because even if you’re a little sorry--

VALI: No! I’m not sorry!

ISSEI: Are you absolutely sure you--

VALI: Yes! I am entirely sure! (Issei begins powering up) I’m going to obliterate you and the rest of this planet myself with my own two--

ISSEI: KAIO-KEN! (charges at Vali)

VALI: Kaio-what--

(Issei punches Vali in the face and proceeds to attack him with a barrage of punches before knocking him away. Vali however recovers from the attack and kicks Issei in the face)

“OHOHO! You actually drew first blood Hyoudou! Impressive what technique was that?” asked Vali.

“Nothing really, just a sample of the Turtle Hermits school of Martial arts.” Said Issei with confidence.

“Hope you're ready for more!” said Irina behind him.

VALI: (breathes heavily) Okay, not bad. But still nothing compared to me. Now witness the power of a Saiyan elite!

ISSEI: Elite? What’s that mean?

VALI: It means I’m of the upper class. A finer breed! The highest grade of warrior!

“Even his posturing about his heritage is similar.” Azazel groaned a bit.

(Issei floats there silently, blinking confusedly)

VALI: (sighs) Okay, consider yourself beef jerky while I’m filet mignon.

ISSEI: Oooh, I like both those things!

“I prefer beef jerky myself.” Vali interjects. “It’s easier to get and simpler to eat, so I don’t quite get the comparison.”

VALI: (after a short pause) I'm going to start beating you now. I don't know when I'll stop.

“Hey Vali said that to me when we first met.” said Bikou.

“The difference was annoyance quickly turned into excitement because you were kind of fun to fight.”

ISSEI: Hopefully before dinner, because I told Millicas to tell Rias to-- (Vali headbutts Issei) AH! (Vali elbows Issei towards the ground) Unh!

VALI: Hah! What’s wrong, Kakarot? Can’t keep up? (throws a fiery ki blast at Issei) I told you, Kakarot. There’s no way you can measure up to an elite like me! You’re fighting a losing battle here. (Issei removes the torn portion of his shirt) You may as well just surrender this pathetic planet now and--

ISSEI: Kaio-Ken times three! (once again turns Kaio-Ken and flies at Vali)

VALI: Times wha--

(Issei punches Vali in the face, sending him screaming and flying into a plateau)

VALI: (in pain) This... proves... nothing.

“I think this proves everything boss, you're getting your ass handed to you on a silver platter” Bikou said with a chuckle.

ISSEI: Are you okay in there?

VALI: (sarcastically) Yeah, I'm fan-f**king-tastic... nothing but gumdrops and ice-cream in here.

ISSEI: (delighted) Oh, really? Can I come in too?

VALI: (short pause) I'm surrounded by idiots.

ISSEI: I thought you were surrounded by gumdrops and ice-cream.

(Vali screams with rage as he destroys the plateau around him)

“Uh oh, you made him mad” Laughed Kuroka seeing Vali’s counterpart getting angry. Which in itself is VERY Rare.

VALI: I will not stand for this! I will not be humiliated by a low-class wretch!

ISSEI: Aww, sounds like somebody's got an ice-cream headache!

VALI: THAT'S IT!!! EVERYONE DIES!!! (launches himself into the air with a purple aura surrounding him and begins charging up energy) Say goodbye to your planet, Kakarot!

“Ahhh that reminds me of when you were just a little kid. You always went for the scorched Earth tactic when you were losing.” said Azazel as if remembering a fond memory.

ISSEI: Well, that's not very nice.

VALI: OF COURSE NOT! I'M F**KING EVIL! GALICK GUN...!

ISSEI: Oooh, did he say Garlic--

VALI: (in distance) AAARRRGH!

ISSEI: (powers up to Kaio-Ken x3) Oh man! (cups his hands behind his back for a Kamehameha wave) KA... ME... HA... ME...

VALI: FIRE!!!

ISSEI: HA!!!

(both energy waves clash in mid-air)

VALI: This is the end, Kakarot! You don’t stand a chance! I put all my power into this attack! (Issei is seen struggling in the clash) Now perish, with the rest of your pathetic world!

ISSEI: Hungh... Kaio-Ken...

VALI: (stunned pause) No...

“Yes...” The Vali in the audience grinned.

ISSEI: Times...

VALI: (as if trying to deter Issei) No, no, no...

“Yes yes yes...” Vali chanted, making everyone look at him weird.

ISSEI: FOUR!!!! (Kamehameha overpowers Galick Gun)

VALI: Nononononononono-- (gets carried away by the blast) FUUUUUUUUUUU...

“Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes!!!!!” Vali cheered! “Hyoudou actually put his all into that!”

“Huh.” Irina spoke up. “Kind of forgot he’s that kind of shonen rival.”

“Yeeeep.” Issei groaned. “The kind who wants the other to get stronger and keeps coming back for more.”

(scene shifts to Kame House)

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, back at the ranch.

(camera cuts in inside Kame House with Sona, Rias, Ox King Zeoticus, Master Azazel, Oolong, and Turtle)

SONA: Remember when we used to do stuff? You know, be out there with them? And help?

“Aaaand there it is.” Gorou said with a sigh, with the other Dragon Ball fans nodding with small frowns on their face. “The unfortunate side lining of great characters from the past, which unfortunately continues even in the newer material.”

“And it’s definitely copied by other shonen series.” Azazel added in an analytical tone. “Kind of surprised you’re all willing to admit it.”

“A true fan is willing to acknowledge the flaws and still love the work.” Miki replied passionately. “Just like I still love my husband despite his flaws.”

“Heyyyy.”

Giggles with through the audience, the girls of Issei’s harem nodding in agreement as they looked towards their man.

(They all agree. Fortuneteller Baba is seen working her crystal ball.)

OOLONG: And remember the Red Ribbon Army?

(They all remember)

MASTER AZAZEL: And what about King Lucifer?

“That kind of raises questions.” Issei comments.

(They all remember, with Sona saying "Good times. Good times.")

SONA: Whatever happened to Aika?

(silence)

MASTER AZAZEL: Who?

(scene cuts to a bar with a hungover Aika and a bartender with "The Singing Sea" from "Cowboy Bebop" playing)

AIKA: (sighs)

“Holy crap, Aika Kiryuu is Launch! Man, if this is supposed to be her violent blonde persona. Then I’m curious what her blue persona looks and acts like.” said Issei.

“Oh, right when Launch sneezes her whole physical appearance changed as well” Saji followed up. But suddenly Irina had a revelation.

“Wait Launch is in a relationship with Tien in cannon…that would mean Aika is in a Relationship with Kiba!”

Everyone now came to that realization as well and all looked at Kiba who was equally surprised, meanwhile Tsubaki was having a mini-panic attack imagining the man she loved stolen by the infamous female pervert of Kuoh.

“You know if they were in a relationship she’d never let Kiba leave the Bedroom.” Said Issei as if stating a fact. Which made Tsubaki go pale as her soul flew out of her mouth.

(scene cuts to the sky)

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, back at the plot...

VALI: (still getting carried off by Issei's Kamehameha) ...UUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! (moves away from the blast and starts breathing heavily) Son of a bitch! This can’t be happening! I’m the prince! I’m supposed to be the best by default! (continues to breathe heavily before smirking) I’ll show that little bastard! I’ll become the mighty Ōzaru and crush him into the-- (tires to look for the moon) Where’s the moon? (in distance) WHERE’S THE DAMN MOON?!

The audience collectively turned towards Sirzechs and gave him a humorous stare, making him shrink in his seat a bit.

(cuts to a flashback of Sirzechs staring at the moon)

SIRZECHS: MOOOOOOOOOON!!! (fires a ki blast that destroys the moon)

(Cuts back to the present where Vali lands in front of Issei.)

ISSEI: Huh?

VALI: Very clever, Kakarot! I’d taken you for a fool, but it seems you’re far more cunning than you let on! But destroying the moon won’t stop me! We’ve learned to create artificial moons that supply the necessary pl--

ISSEI: Question.

VALI: What?

ISSEI: Are they made of cheese?

VALI: (short pause) I’m going to enjoy this far more than I should.

“I disagree.” Vali shook his head. “There is no such thing as enjoying beating someone up too much. Unless they are weak, in which case it’s just overcompensating.”

Everyone looked at him with expressions of disbelief and even disgust.

(Vali creates an artificial moon and shoots it into the sky)

VALI: Now watch, Kakarot, as your life becomes inconsequential, (camera slowly pans up Vali's body) as I reveal my giant monkey...

(camera stops in front of Vali's crotch; scene cuts to a group of viewers gasping in fear over seeing Vali's crotch at a jumbotron)

VALI: ...form.

(camera moves quickly up to Vali's face; crowd watching the jumbotron sigh in relief)

PENIS GUY: Thank God, I thought he meant penis!

“Why in the world is this even being broadcasted.” Yasaka said, having covered Kunuo’s ears in time. “Or for that matter how?”

“I think it’s more a joke on how camera angles can be sometimes.” Rias said. “Like they always seem to be below characters so they can look up their skirts, right Issei?” She said leveling a look at him.

“Really! You're still brining up that time you walked in while I was watching anime and that sort of shot was on screen! It was a serious show; they just have to break it up every now and then with fan service”

(Vali begins transforming into an Ōzaru)

ISSEI: (thinking) He’s getting huge. That means he’ll only be stronger. That means he won’t be as fast-- (Ōzaru Vali punches a plateau Issei is standing on) Oh, God, he’s still as fast! (dodges a punch and lands on the ground)

“If only it actually worked like that.” Issei groaned.

“Thinking of those boss fights against Ozaru Vegeta huh.” Irina nodded.

“I lost track of how many hours it took to beat that stage.”

“I think if we put it all together, it would probably be a whole day.”

“Maybe you just had the difficulty setting too high.” Kiba interjected, only to immediately regret it as both Irina and Issei glared at him so hard it was like they were trying to set him on fire.

“No way am I beating a game by playing on baby mode.” Issei growled.

“Amen.” Irina nodded, ignoring all the pained reactions from the devils in the room.

ISSEI: (thinking)He’s too powerful! I have to come up with a plan! Wait, I know! (out loud) I just have to think like a monkey! (closes his eyes) Hmm... (hears screeching noises) Hey, it’s working!

KING KAI: (telepathically) No, that’s just Bubbles. Get off my back, Bubbles!

(a loud thud is heard off screen with Bubbles groaning in pain)

KING KAI: Issei, listen, the only way that you can beat him is if you use the Spirit Bomb!

ISSEI: (raises both hands into the sky) On it!

KING KAI: And whatever you do, make sure you’re very well hidden! It’s going to take a lot of time to gather up all that energy!

ISSEI: (gets hit by Ōzaru Vali) Aaaaaaggggghhhh!

(crystal ball goes static)

PHONE OPERATOR: We’re sorry. The number you are trying to reach has been disconnected. Please hang up and try again later.

KING KAI: Huh.

“HAH!” Azazel laughed loudly, nearly falling over. “Reminds me of that time the Heavenly father tried to send a message to some prophets while they were in the middle of battle!”

(scene opens up with Issei getting launched by Ōzaru Vali's attack)

ŌZARU VALI: What did I tell you, Kakarot? I'm ten times stronger in this form, while you are beaten and weary.

ISSEI: (thinking) Man, this is worse than that time I was in high school, and all the guys called me "Geeko", and I was Piccolo's slave, I couldn't get Rias to like me, and... (out loud) Oh wow, I hit that rock harder than I thought.

The air got much colder in the theater. Everyone looked around, trying to figure out why, until they looked at Issei, his parents, Irina, and Saji. They had looks of anger on their faces unlike anything they had ever seen.

“I don’t get it.” Vali dumbly spoke up. “Did that Issei say something offensive?”

“Trust me Vali.” Azazel spoke up. “If anything, he explained that atrocious movie with a concussion. But that’s still not enough to satisfy Japan.”

Without saying anything, the 5 people got up, and walked towards the lobby, the door already being held open by CC, who closed it behind them quickly. Within less than a second, sounds of immense destruction and cursing could be heard, forcing Yasaka to use magic to cover Kunou’s ears, even though she had a cross expression herself. This lasted for nearly 5 minutes before finally dying out. CC waited for a bit, then when the silence continued, cautiously opened the door. The 5 reentered, but behind them everyone got a glimpse of what could only be described as pure unadulterated vandalism on an immense scale. Everyone else remained quiet as they returned to their seats and started chomping on their snacks.

“Well,” CC coughed. “Let’s continue, shall we?” everyone nodded, and the viewing continued.

ŌZARU VALI: Now, Kakarot, to finish this!

ISSEI: (thinking) Oh man, what would Motohama do?

(flashback to Motohama exploding)

A few people laugh but none louder then Saji seeing the guy who disrespected his President getting blown to hell again.

“At least it’s not Aika the other four eyes.” Issei interjected. “If it was her, she’d be measuring Vali’s dick.” That got everyone to shut up.

ISSEI: (thinking) Um... um... What would Kiba do?! (out loud) Wait, I know! (jumps in front of Ōzaru Vali)

ŌZARU VALI: Prepare to die, Kakarot!

ISSEI: Solar Flare! (blinds Ōzaru Vali and flies away)

“That is actually something I would do. When facing a large enemy, the best option is to either throw off its balance or blind it.” Kiba said.

“Pretty sure that’s the standard for fighting any kind of giant.” said Azazel. “Or just any enemy in general.”

ŌZARU VALI: AAAAH!!! My eyes! Oh God, it's like walking in on Rizevim in the shower! Wait a minute, Rizevim's always naked. AAAAAAGGGGHHH!!!

The second those were uttered by Vali’s on-screen counterpart, most if not everyone in the theater became violently ill and began to vomit. Thankfully CC managed to magic up some barf bags before things got messy. When it was over everyone was drinking something to recover.

“Why would you walk in on your grandfather naked!” Yelled Issei.

“How should I know!” Replied Vali who still looked VERY green.

“So, the son of Lucifer is the great and terrible Freiza, galactic dictator and casual planet destroyer.” said Azazel taking a swing from a flask in his jacket.

“I should have figured, the bastards evil and sadistic enough to fit the bill.” said Vali now with a dark look on his face.

“And technically speaking, he’s your boss right now.” Gorou added. Which made Vali look like he was about to commit murder.

ISSEI: Alright, that should buy me some time, now let's see. Planet, give me your energy-- everything you can spare!

ŌZARU VALI: (in background) Kakarot, when I find you you're going to die! And not any sort of good death! You’re going to die horribly, terribly, I’m going to eat your... (continues to speak in the background)

ISSEI: Oceans, forests, people of the planet, and all the animals that live alongside them! (starts glowing)

ŌZARU VALI: (in background) I’m going to hammer you... (continues to speak in the background)

“I can’t decide if Hyoudou is in the wrong for ignoring me,” Vali contemplated, “or this other me for monologuing.”

“This coming from the kid who filled a whole notebook with-”

“Zip it Azazel!”

ISSEI: There, I think I have enough energy-- but, maybe a little more wouldn't hurt...

(scene cuts to a large buck groaning and then collapses)

BABY DEER: Daddy? Daddy?

(scene cuts back to wastelands)

Everyone was shocked while those of a more sensitive nature let out a gasp or a whine at the sad scene.

“Uh…whoops” was all Issei could say.

“Rival…you monster. If you’re going to kill the father at least kill the son too” Vali said shocking everyone.

“WHAT THE FUCK VALI!?” Issei yelled.

“DON’T YOU HAVE A HEART!” yelled Irina next.

“Of course I do. It’s much crueler to leave it an orphan.”

ISSEI: (thinking) Alright, that should do it! All finished.

ŌZARU VALI: (regaining his eyesight) Finally, I can see again. Kakarot, I am going to KILL you!

ISSEI: Now, take this! Energy from the entire world! (Ōzaru Vali fires a mouth blast at Issei) Well, if that don't beat all... (gets hit with the blast, losing the energy for the Spirit Bomb) AAAAAAAAH! (gets knocked into a plateau and onto the ground)

ŌZARU VALI: Hey, Kakarot, what's the opposite of Christopher Walken?

ISSEI: Huh?

Others in the audience also voiced their confusion, though Azazel and Michael seemed to know what was coming as cross looks appeared on their faces.

ŌZARU VALI: Christopher Reeves! (crushes Issei's legs)

“Ohhhhh.” Everyone winced, both at the pain and the cruel joke itself.

ISSEI: (in agony) AAAAAAAOOWWW! That was in terrible taaaaaaste!

ŌZARU VALI: Don't care; evil! Now, time to crush you like an Arlian.

ISSEI: A... what?

ŌZARU VALI: Exactly, now die!

(Ōzaru Vali prepares to squash Issei with his finger, but Issei retaliates by blasting Ōzaru Vali's eye)

ŌZARU VALI: AAAUGH!! Again with the f***ing eye! God... dammit!

ISSEI: Hah! Now to make my cunning escape.

(shows Issei dodging Ōzaru Vali's attacks before jumping into the air... which it turns out to be an imagination in Issei's head)

ISSEI: Ah, that would be awesome.

“I’m just going to assume you are to exhausted and damaged to actually take advantage of this opening.” Kiba said as others giggled at Issei’s day dream.

ŌZARU VALI: I've had enough of this. (grabs Issei) I'm going to crush the life out of you, you insolent little... (squeezes Issei)

ISSEI: AAAAAAGGGH!

(scene shifts to Millicas and Saji flying away)

MILLICAS: Saji, are you sure my dad's going to be okay all on his own?

SAJI: Oh, come on, Millicas, you saw how much stronger your dad's become. I'm sure he can take care of--

ISSEI: (in distance) AAAAAAAAH!

SAJI: Ah, Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter.

(scene shifts back to Issei being crushed by Ōzaru Vali)

ŌZARU VALI: All right, Kakarot, let's hear those bones shatter! (crushes Issei harder, causing him to squeak)

Everyone in the audience stares at the screen, confused and dumbfounded, not believing what they were hearing.

ŌZARU VALI: What the? (crushes Issei again, causing him to squeak again) My God, that's hilarious! (begins to repeatedly crush Issei, who squeaks while doing so) Hahahah! Muhahaha!

Everyone turned slowly to the Issei in the audience, who started to sweat and cross his arms over his chest.

“No, you cannot try.” he said adamantly. Unfortunately, that did not stop the various looks of curiosity. Vali was clearly imagining making him squeak like that during a fight. But the girls seemed to be having...other thoughts, considering the way they were blushing and even having nosebleeds.

MILLICAS: (arrives to help his father) Get your filthy hands off him, you damn dirty ape!

ŌZARU VALI: Oh, very creative. And what exactly will you do if I don't?

MILLICAS: I'll make you regret it! Law of mass dictates that the mass of an object dramatically increases the force of impact when said object collides with the ground! And with your size, you'll make an extensively large impact upon your inevitable defeat!

(long pause)

ISSEI & ŌZARU VALI: What?

MILLICAS: The bigger they are, the harder they fall! (gets into a battle pose accompanied with a bwong sound)

“Ohhhhhhhhhh.” Many in the audience said in unison, voicing their realization at what the crimson haired child was saying. This made the Millicas in the audience sink into his seat a bit in embarrassment.

“Don’t worry son.” Grayfia cooed patting his head. “It was an excellent war cry. It's just that most opponents won’t have your level of intellect, so they won’t understand at all.” she said, making the young boy smile again, while Vali frowned, realizing he was being insulted.

ISSEI: What?

(Ōzaru Vali crushes him again, making him squeak)

ISSEI: Argh! Stop that!

“Enough with squeaking you prick!” yelled Issei.

“Come on Rival you have to admit it's pretty entertaining.” said Vali with a snicker.

ŌZARU VALI: Listen, kid, you're real brave and all, but your dad's beaten and broken. And neither of you have the skill or energy...

SAJI: Kienzan! (fires a Destructo Disc at Ōzaru Vali's tail, who dodges the attack by jumping)

ŌZARU VALI: ...to take me on.

SAJI: (offscreen) Dammit!

“Bullshit!” Saji cried out. “You weren’t even looking! How the hell did you dodge like that!”

“The yell of your attack, the buzzsaw sound itself, the increase in energy behind me.” Vali listed off.

“Not sure about that last one.” Issei interjected. “Vegeta can’t sense energy yet.”

“But what if this was actually the first time he was able to, but just didn’t know it yet.” Irina pointed out.

“Hmmm.” Issei hummed in thought, making Saji sweat drop and sulk a bit at how easily it was for them to accept his attack being dodged.

ŌZARU VALI: You're finished! All of your planet's greatest fighters—all of them—worthless in the presence of a Saiyan elite! None of you can stop me! None of you! (tail gets cut off by Xenovia)

XENOVIA: Runningrunningrunningrunningrunning! (runs away)

“It seems I have saved the day!” Xenovia declared puffing her chest in pride.

“Where the hell did you even come from?” Kiba asked. “And why can’t be you craftier like that in actual combat!”

“This version is weaker and just showed up, so I can accept what happened here.” Vali nodded, making Saji sulk even more that he got shown up by someone who just arrived to battle.

(Ōzaru Vali drops Issei)

ISSEI: (squeaks as he slams the ground) Ow.

“Again with the Squeaking” said Issei frustrated.

“I think it’s cute, besides at least you aren’t in mortal danger anymore” Rias said reassuring him.

ŌZARU VALI: God... God dammiiiiii... (reverts back to his original form)

VALI: ...iiiiiit! (starts breathing heavily)

SAJI: He's back to normal! Millicas, we can do this! We can beat him! WE HAVE A CHAN-- (gets sent flying into a boulder)

(Saji Owned Count: 9)

Saji sank into his chair even deeper in embarrassment.

“Never declare victory until you’ve actually one Saji” Sona said adjusting her glasses

“Yes Kaichou.” Saji said defeatedly

SAJI: (in pain) Oh God...

VALI: (to Millicas, who's whimpering in fear) You know, I thought I'd be angrier, what with the utter humiliation and loss of my tail, or maybe I'm just so unbelievably enraged that I have come full circle. (punches Millicas in the stomach and throws him next to Issei) Oh well. Either way, it's time to put an end to this.

ISSEI: (telepathically) G-Millicas, is that you?

MILLICAS: (telepathically) Hey, daddy... I'm... really sorry.

ISSEI: (telepathically) It's okay, Millicas... You tried your best... At least you got home to your mother and told her to--

MILLICAS: (telepathically) Um, actually, I never went home... I came back to save you...

ISSEI: (telepathically) Oh...

MILLICAS: (telepathically) D-Daddy?

ISSEI: (telepathically) Everyone makes mistakes, Millicas...

“Really?” Kiba sighed. “You’re acting like that’s the biggest issue here.”

“I suppose that just means my cooking is that important to Issei.” Rias preened, getting looks from the girls.

ISSEI:(reaches out to Millicas's hand) But we have to be strong now, okay?

MILLICAS: (telepathically) Daddy... (reaches out to Issei's hand)

ISSEI: (telepathically) Son... (gets kneed in the stomach by Vali)

“WE WERE HAVING A MOMENT ASSHOLE!” Issei yelled at Vali

(eyecatch animation from DragonBall Z plays)

(Issei is seen spitting out blood as Millicas screams in horror)

VALI: What now, Kakarot? (stomps on Issei's stomach) You damaged me! (begins kicking Issei repeatedly) You cut off my tail! You've insulted me beyond belief. But you still haven't taken my pride! (gets kicked by Millicas) Ow, my pride!

“Excellent job!” Sirzechs cheered, patting his son on the head.

(Millicas and Vali begin exchanging blows in midair)

MILLICAS: I'll teach you to hurt my daddy!

VALI: What are you going to do, huh?! You barely have any energy left! (Millicas elbows Vali in the eye) UAGH! (thinking while holding his right eye) Gah! My eye! Why is it always the god damn eye?!

“Good idea going for his injured eye Millicas, in situations like this any advantage no matter how underhanded is crucial in fights to the death” Grayfia said petting her son's hair.

ISSEI: S-Saji, come here. I have something to give you. (Saji limps over to Issei)

SAJI: Your last will and testament?

ISSEI: No, it's energy from the entire world. It's our last hope.

SAJI: And you're giving it to me?

ISSEI: I'm kinda out of options... (passes the remaining of the Spirit Bomb over to Saji)

SAJI: Holy crap! So this is what being important feels like!

“My self-esteem is not that low!”

(Vali is seen gaining the upper hand against Millicas, launching him onto the ground)

VALI: (while walking towards Millicas) Alright, Kakarot. Say goodbye to your son! (begins running towards Millicas)

SAJI: (thinking) Wow! Such power, from every living being on the planet. I can feel it all surging inside of me. Every man, woman, and child. This is Planet Earth's very essence! (out loud) BOO-YAH, MOTHERF**KER!!! (throws Spirit Bomb at Vali)

“And you’ve ruined the moment.” Irina sighed.

VALI: (stops running and notices the Spirit Bomb) Wh-what the hell is-?

SAJI: ENJOY YOUR STAY IN HELL!!! (Vali dodges the Spirit Bomb by jumping) Gyaaaah! God dammit! (continues pouting in background)

(Spirit Bomb is seen flying at Millicas)

ISSEI: (telepathically) Millicas, listen, you have to bounce it back at Vali.

MILLICAS: (telepathically) But, are you sure? I don't think energy works like that.

“In fact, I am sure it does not work like that.” Millicas spoke up. “You need an actual technique to bounce energy, or the attack must be designed that way.”

“Don’t question it.” Issei called out.

ISSEI: (telepathically) Don't worry, Millicas, you can do it. You're a good guy.

MILLICAS: (telepathically) Oh, okay, if you believe in me then I'll--

ISSEI: (telepathically) Or it'll kill you.

“WHAT!!!” Rias, Grayfia, and Sirzechs cried out, especially since Millicas is a devil, an attack like that might automatically kill him even though he was an innocent boy.

MILLICAS: (telepathically) What?! (puts his hands out, making a spring sound effect from Sonic the Hedgehog, bouncing the Spirit Bomb back at Vali)

VALI: There's nothing left now-- your last hope and you missed. You're all defeated and there isn't a damn thing you can-- (thinking) What smells like deer? (notices the Spirit Bomb but gets hit at point-blank) WAAAAAH!!! (gets blasted into the sky with the Spirit Bomb) CURSE MY HUBRIS!!!

SAJI: (jumps into the sky) Yahoo! (rushes towards Issei) Issei, we did it! We won! We beat him with the Spirit Bomb!

While some started to cheer, others waited for the other shoe to drop.

ISSEI: (telepathically) Way to go, you guys. (Millicas starts laughing)

SAJI: All right, Issei. Let's get you and Millicas home. It's been tough, but now, we'll never have to see that rotten Saiyan ever again. (Vali lands next to Issei and Saji) Alive again. We'll never have to see him alive again, that's what I meant. (approaches Vali's motionless body) But at least it's finally over.

Bikou and Kuroka could be heard laughing seeing Vali’s body flop on the ground like a dead fish. Vali decided to be silent not even dignifying them with a response.

XENOVIA: You gonna eat that Saiyan?

SAJI: Wha--

XENOVIA: Dibs!

“Xenovia!” Asia cried out in shock. “How could you ask something so blasphemous.”

“How could you doubt me!” Xenovia protested vehemently. “I am a true woman of the Lord! I would never!”

‘But you have no problem trying to kill and eat a unicorn.’ Irina said to herself remembering one of their missions for the Church back in the day.

SAJI: Rrright. Anyway, it seems the Spirit Bomb's done the trick. And with that, we can all go home and live in peace and--

VALI: (wakes up) HUAAAAAAAH!!

SAJI: WAAAAAAHH!!

MILLICAS: AAAAAAAHH!!

XENOVIA: UAAAAAHHH!!

SAJI: WAAAAAHH!!

VALI: AAAAAAH!!

MILLICAS: AAAAAAAH!!

XENOVIA: UAAAAHHH!!

(everyone continues yelling in the background)

“Theeeere it is.” many people in the audience said at the same time. Meanwhile Vali himself was smirking in pride, as he was certain he still had juice left in the fight.

ISSEI: What's going on, guys? We won, right?

VALI: You know, at a time like this I really only have one thing to say to you... BITCH SLAP!!!

SAJI: OH SNAP!!!

(Vali slaps Saji, knocking him down and whining in pain)

(Saji Owned Count: 10)

“OOOOH COME ON!” Yelled Saji

“Chalk that up to another line to use in the future” Vali said writing it down.

VALI: (walks up to the remaining Z-Fighters) And as for the rest of you... I’m going to end this, with a Big Bang... kind of attack.

(Vali begins gathering up energy)

ISSEI: Oh, this isn’t going to end well... (closes his eyes)

(Vali screams and unleashes an explosive attack, causing Saji, Issei and Millicas, who gets knocked away, to scream)

VALI: (breathes heavily and notices that everyone's still alive) Oh, you have got to be kidding me! They’re still alive?! Oh to hell with it... (begins floating and lands next to Millicas, with an arrow pointing to his tail)

The native fans mentally cringed at the arrow, knowing full well the arguments that have spawned because of this plot point.

VALI: (thinking) I may not have enough energy to kill you all at once, (begins walking towards Millicas) but I can still kill all of you without any troub--

(Xenovia comes out of nowhere and slashes Vali's armor with his katana)

VALI: You... You cut through my armor! This was a gift from my father!

“And now I hate it.” Vali sulked.

XENOVIA: I’m sorry, I’m sure your father was a great man!

VALI: I hated my father!

“No, that tracks.” Vali spoke up again, getting a chuckle and nod from Azazel.

XENOVIA: Well then, I’m sure your father was a total prick.

VALI: (punches Xenovia in the face) How dare you talk about my father like that!

“Now that I have to disagree with.” Vali shook his head. “As far as I’m concerned, everyone is free to trash talk that piece of shit.”

(Xenovia gets sent flying into a pile of rocks)

VALI: (while beating up Xenovia) Finally, I can just sit back and enjoy myself. No cares in the world! (Millicas is seen staring at Vali's artificial moon) I can beat these worthless cretins all day long and I-- (stops attacking Xenovia) I think I’m forgetting something...

(Millicas begins his transformation into an Ōzaru)

VALI: Oh dammit, the kid-- that’s right! (in his thoughts) Oh wait, I’ll just become the mighty Ōzaru and... Wait, I don’t have my tail! (out loud to Xenovia) This bimbo cut it off!!

XENOVIA: Haha-- (gets hit) Ungh!

“Hitting me won’t erase the fact that I still cut off your tail.” said Xenovia.

VALI: (begins attacking Millicas to stop his transformation) No, no, stop it! Stop it, damn you! WHY?! WHY WON'T YOU PEOPLE JUST DIIIE?! (Millicas fully transforms into an Ōzaru)

“Huh,” Azazel said under his breath. “That sounds familiar.” He said, recalling a certain brother of his saying that line during the Great War and other times before that.

SAJI: (noticing Millicas as an Ōzaru) Yay! Millicas’s transformed! He’s gonna save us all!

(Ōzaru Millicas roars and smashes rocks)

SAJI: (covering his head) Oh no! Millicas’s transformed! He’s gonna kill us all!

(Ōzaru Millicas roars and grabs a huge rock)

ISSEI: (telepathically) Millicas? This is Daddy... I know you’re angry right now, but you have to focus your anger. Re-Remember Icarus?

“Who?” Many people in the audience said, thinking of the Greek boy who fell while trying to fly.”

(shows a flashback of Icarus getting blasted. Ōzaru Millicas is angry)

“A pet dragon! Can I-”

“No.”

ISSEI: (to Vali) He did it!

(Ōzaru Millicas roars in anger)

“You sneaky son of-” Vali started.

“HEY! None of that my mother's right here” Issei said cutting him off

VALI: Oh, that's bulls***! (dodges Ōzaru Millicas's attack) I haven't killed a damn thing since I got to this godforsaken planet! (Looks at camera) Not for a lack of trying, mind you.

Vali took a moment to replay everything that happened since the saiyans landed on Earth and found himself sulking that this was correct. Technically, all the kills belonged to Riser, even the city and the bystanders. And the whales.

(Ōzaru Millicas continues to attack Vali)

VALI: (to Xenovia) Hey bitch, wanna take off this one’s tail too?

(cuts to Xenovia groaning in pain)

VALI: FINE! I’ll DO IT MYSELF, THEN! (fires a Destructo Disk at Millicas's tail, cutting it off)

“How the fuck did you steal my move that quickly!” Saji cried out in protest.

“Wouldn’t be the first time.” Vali shrugged.

VALI: Haha! I did it! I’m the best, around! (Ōzaru Millicas begins shrinking in front of Vali) No one's ever going to keep me down... (notices Ōzaru Millicas falling right above him) No... (Ōzaru Millicas falls on top of him) NOOOOO!!!

(Vali gets crushes by Ōzaru Millicas, cuts to Vali badly injured with Millicas, naked and unconscious, lying on top of him)

Grayfia gave a disapproving look at the fact that her son was on screen naked again.

VALI: (thinking) Crushed and broken beneath an unconscious naked child... (takes out a small remote control device to call his space pod) Yep, I think I’m done here...

“I think anyone would be done with the ass kicking you got today boss.” Bikou said with a laugh.

“The only way I’m retreating is if my bones are shattered and I’m unable to move” Vali said stubbornly

“Well looks like you on screen shares the same mentality” said Kuroka

(cuts to the ruins of East City where a number of radiation-suited investigators are gathered around Vali and Riser's space pods)

KIRK: So Mr. Spock, what do you make, of this... ship?

SPOCK: Well sir, I would have to find it highly illogical to refer to this as a "ship"; the spherical design incorporates no propulsion system. It looks more like an orbiting vessel, or a satell-- (Vali's space pod becomes active and flies away) Aaah!

KIRK: Suck it, Spock!

“Damn straight!” Azazel cheered, getting a few looks.

(cuts back to the battlefield with Vali's space pod landing in front of him)

VALI: (thinking while flipping himself over) Alright, I’m just gonna get in my ship... (starts crawling to his pod) I’m gonna fly back to Rizevim Station... And I’m gonna sleep this off like a baaad hangover...

SAJI: (appears next to Vali holding Xenovia's katana) You’re not going anywhere! You think you can kill all of our friends and threaten our lives and just leave??

VALI: Would you be surprised if I said "yes"?

“Is that a serious question?” Saji asked.

“Meh, fair enough” said Vali off handedly. Disturbing a few people, he’d take his own death so lightly.

SAJI: I’m going to end this, and YOU, RIGHT NOW! NOW DIE!!!

(Saji prepares to kill Vali with Xenovia's katana, but stops short)

ISSEI: Saji, wait! Vali, are you sorry?

VALI: Wh-What?

ISSEI: If you say you’re sorry Vali, then you can leave.

VALI: You can’t be serious...

SAJI: What are you talking about Issei? He killed all of our friends!

ISSEI: But Saji, if he’s sorry—truly sorry—then there’s nothing we can do.

There was a silence in the air as everyone who never saw Dragon Ball looked at Issei’s counterpart on screen as if he grew a new head. But those who did know could tell from an outsider's perspective...this was dumb

VALI: I’m sorry. Yep, totally sorry. I just feel terrible.

ISSEI: Let him go, Saji.

SAJI: But-But Issei...

VALI: (now inside his space pod) Yes, I am very, very, very sorry... (space pod closes) That you’re all still alive! (blasts off into space) SUCKERS! (starts laughing from inside his pod) Ah, it hurts to laugh!

“And here we have more of the shonen trope of forgiving bad guys no matter how much shit they have done.” Azazel joked, dodging the bucket of popcorn thrown at him.

NARRATOR: And so our heroes looked towards the sky, their battle finally over and victory on their side. Many lives were lost, many lessons were learned, and I made out with a cool one hundred thou!

(cuts to King Kai's planet)

KING KAI: You cheating son of a--

NARRATOR: Can’t hear you, don’t care! Now where was I... (cuts back to Earth) how will our heroes bring back their fallen compatriots? What new dangers will present themselves? Has anyone really not seen this show already? Find out in the next season of DragonBall Z Abridged!

(scene cuts to Vali's space pod flying through outer space)

VALI: (thinking) They’ve broken my body... I failed in my mission to find the Dragon Balls... I even lost my tail... but at least... it can’t get any worse from here...

???: Vali... Vaaaaaliiiiiii...

VALI: Wh-What?

Vali’s eyes went wide as his blood went cold.

“Nooooo” Vali said slowly

RISER: (appears as a ghost) I'm haunting you.

(Vali's space pod is seen flying off into the distance)

VALI: NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

“NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!” Vali screamed out with his onscreen counter part.

(credits roll with Ghost Riser's theme song, a parody of the Ghostbusters theme song, playing in the background)

♪Vavavali-ali vavavavali♪

♪ Vavavali-ali GHOST RISER! Yeeeah!♪

♪If there’s something strange, in your neighborhood.♪

♪Guess who it is? GHOST RISER!♪

♪Is it something weird? And it don’t look good.♪

♪Guess who it is? GHOST RISER!♪

♪Yo, Vali-ali-ali-ali-aliali♪

♪Ali-Ali-Ali-you know you love me as a ghost-ali♪

♪ Ali-ali-ali-aliali ♪

♪ Ali-ali-ali-ali WHOOOOO!♪

“That-that was something.” Ravel spoke up breaking the silence caused by everyone’s being shocked not only at Vali actually being enraged, but the now Ghost Riser.

“Well,” Issei finally said. “That’s one arc down.”

“Indeed.” CC said, making everyone turn to him. “Your thoughts?”

“It was interesting, almost like a parody of the original. But none the less entertaining. Plus, I got to see myself as GOKU!” He said with a smile.

“Of course, with me as his wife this is clearly a work of art.” Rias added, causing the other girls to start yelling and arguing.

“It was so cool seeing my dad be different.” Millicas cheered. “And I got to actually fight!” he added, getting awkward smiles from his parents. On the one hand, they were glad to see him enjoy himself. On the other, the content and context was a bit....mature for his age.

Vali chose not to say anything. Instead, he looked through the notes he had taken discreetly, scribbling down and muttering to himself a bit.

“Well, I am very glad to hear.” CC smiled. “Now I think it’s time for a short break. Stretch your legs and get some snacks.”

“Did you at least add booze.” Azazel spoke up.

“Not yet.” CC replied. “But stay on good behavior and you’ll see it soon enough.”

“Fine fine.” Azazel grumbled. “I’d like to think I've been on my best behavior.”

“For you, perhaps it is your best.” Michael retorted.

Once again, many thanks to everyone for following along.

Now, some of you might have noticed that we have made Frieza be played by Rizevim, even though in a previous chapter we did not make that change when he got mentioned/name dropped (the scene where King Kai is looking up the Wikipedia entry on planet Vegeta). Honestly back then we had not made the decision for this casting. It was something we discussed and decided on as we were writing this one. Stuff like that happens. We genuinely thought we would just have Frieza be Frieza when we started this. After all, he’s one of a kind. But when we realized, and Rizevim would get along well. Shaking hands while crossing fingers and getting energy blasts ready behind their back. So, we are making it official here. Since the mention in the previous chapter was so small, we decided to not go back and change. Not worth the effort and would also require editing the jokes there.

Besides that, hope you all enjoys this chapter! I do believe the wait was worth it. As episodes get longer, it will take more time to finish these chapters especially as we work on our other fanfic projects in between. Not to mention we do plan to do the abridged movies and specials, and they are also long and will take quite a bit of time individually. Just a heads up, but I know you all will enjoy what you have here!

That’s it for now. Please Favorite, Follow, and Review. But most of all, thank you for reading!

Chapter Text

Hello.

Glad to have you all back for another chapter, and sorry for the wait. After doing so much work on this story, I wanted to focus a bit on other stories, especially for the those who continue to support me. Not to mention, had to take some time to think about the order of the future reactions.

To make a long story short, after ALOT of debate on what to do next. After doing a lot of rewatching and relistening.... we decided to use the Creator Commentary playlist on youtube. It's the actual order that Team Four Star reacted to the series. This is a way to make things easier for us.

We hope you all enjoy.

High School DxD is the property of Ishibumi sensei.

Dragon Ball Z Abridged is the creation of Team Four Star

Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z, and Dragon Ball GT are all owned by Akira Toriyama, please support the official release.

“Talking”

‘Thinking’

“Host talking”

‘Host thinking’

Special Episode Bardock (Gorou)

The break lasted quite a while. Everyone really needed to stretch their legs as well as refill on concessions. The girls did get together for a small huddle, mainly to discuss who gets seating rights next to Issei this time, but it just ended up being the same as before, though with promises of Irina trading places with someone. Which girl would that be......

“That will depend on who shows true Dragon Ball appreciation.” She declares proudly in the little corner she and the other girls had taken for themselves. “For this, only a true Dragon ball fan should be allowed to share a seat with Issei.”

“And how will we decide this?” asked Rias crossing her arms.

“How about a Trivia?” asked Akeno.

“That’s not fair some of us don’t actively watch anime.” Xenovia said while Asia nodded.

“I shall just judge your enthusiasm.” Irina replied confidently. This made the other girls nervously sweat drop, unable to figure out what she meant by that.

As for everyone else, they were doing their own thing. Sirzechs and Grayfia were spending every second with Millicas in this family outing, Azazel was badgering Micheal in a sort of brotherly way, and Serafall was codling Sona much to her annoyance.

All of this was brought to an end when CC clapped his hands, creating wave of energy that grabbed everyone's attention and silenced them.

“I believe it is time for us to return to the theater.” He said, adjusting his teacher glasses. “The next set of viewings are about to begin.” there was a rush to grab all their concessions before heading back in. Irina made sure to claim her seat next to Issei immediately, and this time she actually had a smug look on her face, reminding the others that not only was this her special seat now, she would have power over who got it next. And of course, issei himself was none the wiser to the power struggle between the women.

Once everyone was settled, CC spoke up once more.

“Before seeing what happens next,” the DBZ fans had excited looks on their faces already knowing, “we’ll detour a bit to a special story.” He looked at the Hyoudou family and had a slight grin. “One I think you’ll find interesting and hilarious.” his comment piqued everyone interest, making them murmur in thought as the lights dimmed, and the screen came to life once more.

[DISCLAIMER]

KAISERNEKO: The following is a fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, Toei Animation, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release.

(shows an outside shot of Planet Vegeta with the sound of an infant crying being heard)

“Why are we going back to Issei’s birth?” Akeno wondered out loud.

NARRATOR: Long ago, on a planet long forgotten by time...a young hero was born. A righteous Saiyan warrior who would bring peace to the galaxy. This...is not his story.

“So, it’s not one of the normal episodes?” Issei wondered out loud.

“Maybe a flashback episode?” Irina theorized.

NARRATOR: This is the story of another Saiyan warrior, who slaughtered millions of innocents and brought terror to those who heard his name. And that name is...

("Gorou: Father of Issei Abridged" appears on the screen)

“Oh? Looks like I’m Bardock” Gorou said with a smile seeing his counterpart.

“It makes sense, since I’m Goku that means you HAVE to be Bardock dad.” Issei said stating a fact.

“Meaning I can still smack you for being a smart ass.”

(Cut to Gorou and his crew in their Ōzaru forms causing a rampage on Planet Kanassa with "Dare" by Stan Bush playing in the background. By morning, all of the Kanassans have been exterminated and shows everyone but Gorou laughing.)

“Interesting.” Vali grinned, while most of the rest of the audience was shocked or disturbed by what they were seeing.

“Honestly, it’s not the violence that bothers me.” Azazel. “But that choice in music. I mean really?”

PUMBUKIN: And then I tell the guy, "Don't be angry, I'm just Saiyan!" (everyone but Gorou start laughing) And then I tore out his throat.

“I like them” Vali said with a grin.

“Of course you would get along well with the Saiyans, they’re practically the only species in the universe you would resonate on a spiritual level with,” said Azazel.

“Well, he is their prince after all.” Issei added in. This actually made Vali frown a bit consdiering the implciation son who the “king” would be.

(silence)

TOMA: Hey, Gorou, heard you had another kid. Congrats. Who's the mom?

PUMBUKIN: I bet it's Selypa. I see the way you two look at each other.

“Thank goodness Dragon Ball Super finally showed us who Goku’s mother was in cannon.” said Irina.

“Yep.” Issei said, looking at where his parents sat. More specifically, looking at how his mom was giving his dad.....that look.

GOROU: Nah, it'd never work out between us.

TOMA: Why not?

GOROU: Are you kidding? She's a raging dyke.

While some of the audience where appalled by how bluntly the Sayin said that. Others of the less “Mature” variety let out loud thunderous laughter that echoed the theater. Azazel to no one's surprise was the loudest of them all.

SELYPA: I'm right here, you asshole!

GOROU: And?

SELYPA: God, this is why I hate men.

“Not helping your case their sister.” Koneko retorted.

GOROU: Point proven.

PUMBUKIN: So, uh, why did we attack this rock in the first place?

GOROU: I dunno. The mission briefing said this planet was full of psychics.

TOMA: Wait a second. Doesn't that mean they can see the future? Don't you think they should have seen us coming?

“Enhanced psychic abilities have a range of powers. Not just future sight.” Michael corrected.

“And even if they did have the ability to see the future, it’s arguably the least reliable one out there.” Sirzechs added.

GOROU: Just because they're psychic doesn't mean they're smart.

TOMA: But, aren't psychics supposed to have unbelievable mental--

(a surviving Kanassan warrior [named Toolo] emerges from the rubble)

“Sloppy work.” Vali scoffed.

“That’s your comment on this?” Bikou asked.

TOOLO: I CAN SEE THE FUTUUUURE!

PUMBUKIN: Hey, look! One survived.

TOOLO: Oh no, they can see me! I have to stop you from destroying my race... in the futuuuure!

GOROU: We already did that.

“Aaaand that kids is why the heavenly father didn't’ give his prophets that power.” Azazel chuckled. “Not exactly accurate or timely. And tends to make human brains go mush.”

TOOLO: (silence) I knew you'd do that! Now I have to kill you! (rushes at Gorou and hits him in the back of the neck) Now you too can see the futuuuure! (gets blasted by Toma) WAH!

(camera pans over the burning Kanassan, moment of silence)

TOOLO: I'M ON FIIIIIRE! (gets blown up by Gorou) AH!

“Aaand here begins one of the weirdest plot points.” Irina commented. “Still not sure if it’s better than the version we got with Super.”

TOMA: Well, that was...odd.

PUMBUKIN: Hey, Gorou. What do you think he meant about you seeing the future? Gorou? (Gorou collapses on the ground) Gorou? Gorou? Say nothing if you want me to eat the remains of that alien. (is heard making munching noises as the screen goes black)

“How ghastly!” Xenovia cried out in shock.

“Such barbarians. I didn’t think they were cannibals.” Kiba agreed with disgust in his voice.

“It might have been understood or implied that they ate the species they killed.” Issei admitted after some thinking.

“I don’t get what you’re complaining about.” Vali interrupted. “They didn’t eat their own kind, so it’s not cannibalism.” This got gears turning in the heads of others, though ancient audience members had already reached that conclusion and didn’t have much reaction.

(cut to Rizevim)

KOKABIEL: Lord Rizevim, the reports are saying that Kanassa has been seized.

RIZEVIM: (sounding like an old hag) Thank you, Kokabiel. That's very good to hea-- (starts coughing and then speaks in his normal voice) Ah, sorry about that. I had something in my throat. Continue, Kokabiel.

The whole audience was shocked by the scene before them on soooo many levels.

“Well well well.” Vali grinned. “Seems Rizevim doesn’t have the old Lucifer charming look anymore.” while the being on the screen had been identified by name as Rizevim, appearance and species wise it was Frieza on screen. The only real difference was the color scheme. The pink was replaced with silver, and the purple spots were blue like the robes that Rizevim wore while he was alive.

“He certainly sounded like Frieza at first.” Issei added. “But there’s no mistaking his actual voice.” He said with disgust. “That’s definitely that bastard.”

“Yeah yeah, the son of Lucifer is an evil alien overlord, old news.” Azazel interjected, sounding like he was holding back. “That’s freaking Kokabiel!” he shouted out, barely holding back what was clearly laughter. “And he’s an underling!”

His words made everyone double take and then start chuckling or full on laughing themselves. The great Kokabiel, extreme hater of devils, was subordiante to the son of Lucifer.

“On top of that,” Issei spoke up, now starting to hold back his own laughs, “Since Dodoria is the same, that means he’s Zarbon here. He's not even one of his best soldiers!” this got Irina laughing just as hard now, knowing that the Fallen Angel who once humiliated her was reduced to a mid-level underling.

“Makes sense.” Vali scoffed. “He wasn’t worth the effort.”

“To you he wasn’t, though I can definitely take him now” Issei said puffing his chest out making the girls giggle.

KOKABIEL: The reports say that it was overtaken by a group of low-level Saiyans led by Gorou.

DODORIA: Yeah, that Gorou's a pretty cool guy.

“Not sure how I feel being complimented by him.” Gorou sweat dropped.

KOKABIEL: He conquers planets and doesn't afraid of anything.

RIZEVIM: Hmm... Doesn't afraid of anything, indeed...

“And thus, the tiniest seeds of fear have been planted in the heart of the Overlord.” said Micheal.

“Wait, does that mean here I’m the reason the planet and entire race got destroyed.” Gorou asked in shock.

“Not exactly dad, Freiza destroyed Vegeta because he feared the Sayins potential, and the legend of the Super Sayin. So honestly there are more factors then just Bardock.” Issei said reassuring his father.

(cut to Gorou inside a healing tank)

GOROU: (thinking) What...? What's going on? (sees Planet Vegeta exploding) Is...that my planet? (sees his son as an infant and then as a kid) Wait, who is...? Is that my son? Where is he? Hold on... Is he befriending that alien race? Oh, I get it. He must be earning their trust before he slaughters them all. (screen goes black)

“Not an original strategy.” Azazel chuckled.

GOROU: (thinking) Wait...now everything's gone dark. Is...is it over? Am I...? (Miss Ophis's face appears on the screen, smiling)

1. OPHIS: Hi.

(Gorou lets out a muffled scream as the water in the healing tank drains down)

He wasn’t the only one. In fact, maybe of the audience members screams in shock at the sight. It didn’t help that in shit particular scene, her whole face wasn’t even visible. Just her eyes and mouth, yet her word still carried power and struck fear.

SCIENTIST: Gorou, are you all right? Your heart rate skyrocketed.

GOROU: *gasps* I'm okay! I'm okay. It's just...eyes. Where am I, anyway?

SCIENTIST: Well, you're on Rizevim Planet 692.

As everyone collected themselves, they all thought ‘Really?’

GOROU: Man, you'd think with all his free time he'd come up with better names for his planets.

(cut to Rizevim inside his ship)

KOKABIEL: So Lord Rizevim. Now that we have Kanassa under our command, what shall we--

RIZEVIM: 419!

KOKABIEL: Right, right...

“He would be lazy about something like that.” Vali grunted.

“Definitely going to take a while to get used to seeing Kokabeil take orders from Rizevim.” Azazel chuckled.

(cut back to Gorou)

GOROU: Anyway, where's my team? Are they already on a new mission?

SCIENTIST: Yes, well, it seems that Rizevim passed down a new mission just two hours ago. By the way, while your here, would you like to see your son, Kakarrot?

GOROU: Kaka-wha? Oh right, his name. Nah. Think I'll pass. Didn't pay attention to Raynare when she was growing up.

SCIENTIST: Oh, yes, and we both know how she turned out...

“HAH!” laughter spread.

(Gorou pauses for a brief moment and then cuts to him standing in front of a nursery with Kakarrot crying inside.)

GOROU: Hey there, Kakarrot. It's your daddy! (thinking) Let's see what kind of power level we've got here... (scouter starts beeping) All right... Whoa...! 10,000! That's my boy! (sees name plaque) Wait...Broly?

A small gasp went through some of the audience members, recognizing the reference or perhaps foreshadowing.

“Well at least our Issei’s crying was never so bad.” Miki giggled.

GOROU: (shifts over to Kakarrot's plaque) Ah, here we go. (scans Kakarrot with his scouter) Kakarro-- (starts groaning in dismay) Two? Crap! (out loud) There is no possible way this day could get any more disappointing... (runs off)

“Gee thanks dad.” Issei said in dry yet teasing tone.

“In my other selves defense, he has NO idea how much stronger you get in the Future” Gorou said with a laugh.

(cut to another planet with Toteppo getting killed)

TOMA: Gorou's going to be so disappointed.

DODORIA: I think Gorou is the least of your concerns.

“I don’t like to agree with the villain.” Kiba commented.

TOMA: Why? I don't understand. We've served Rizevim loyally. (Dodoria picks him up)

DODORIA: Seems Rizevim wants you dirty Saiyans out of the picture... And I'm just willing enough to oblige him.

TOMA: Don't you get it? Chances are someday he's just going to kill you, too.

DODORIA: Yeah, well, see... I'm more of a "in-the-now" kinda guy. Like, what am I gonna eat now? What am I gonna kill now? And in this regard, you're probably gonna be both.

“Ok what’s with everyone eating each other.” Bikuou spoke up. “Kind of barbaric.”

“Sayins in general are a barbaric species, so I guess when it comes to the others they are in good company...well, before now that is.” Irina said while slightly grossed out herself

TOMA: You... You won't get away with this.

DODORIA: Oh, yeah? Well tell me something... What looks like crap, feels like crap, and probably ain't gonna wake up in the morning?

TOMA: Is... Is it me?

DODORIA: And that's the punchline.

Of course, Vali copied down that entire exchange.

(Dodoria throws Toma in the air and punches him in the jaw before cutting to Gorou arriving at the planet)

GOROU: (sees multiple corpses of the planet's inhabitants) Whoa, looks like I'm late to the party. Where's the gang-- (sees the corpses of his crew) Oh... Oh. Oh, God! Guys... Tell me you're just resting in the blood of your enemies! Selypa... Totepo... Pumbukin? Toma?

Gorou may not have known these people well, or worked with any of them, but it still pained him to see the people he called his Team get whipped out like this. Miki saw this and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

TOMA: (weakly and coughs a few times) P-present...

GOROU: Toma! Oh, thank God Toma, you're okay. I'll be honest, you're the only one I really cared about. Everyone else was kinda bland. 'Cept for Selypa, she was the only one here with a decent pair of t--

Miki slapped Gorou on the back of his head.

TOMA: Gorou...listen. Rizevim's...turned on us. He's afraid of the Saiyans. He sent someone to...to take us out.

GOROU: (terrified) Oh, God! He sent the Ginyu Force?

TOMA: No...

GOROU: (less terrified) Kokabiel?

TOMA: No...

GOROU: (disappointed) Dodoria?

TOMA: Sorry...

“Well at least Kokabiel has enough rep to not be an embarrassing foe.” Azazel cackled.

GOROU: Listen, it won't end like this! We're not too far from a healing planet. We're gonna get you fixed up. We'll get you better, we'll warn everyone else, and then we'll-- (Toma closes his eyes and dies) (thinking) My best friend just died in my arms, didn't he? Yep... Yeeep... (removes Toma's handkerchief and cleans the blood off his fallen comrade's face)

“That’s pretty hard core.” Vali grinned. Meanwhile, the older members of the audience thought about their own losses.

GOROU: (thinking) All right, Plan B. Don't worry, my friends. You shall all be avenged! (clutches Toma's handkerchief, which starts turning red with blood) If Rizevim's afraid of us, I'm gonna give him something to be afraid of. (starts tying the bloody handkerchief on his forehead) Then I'll know why I'm still alive... And I'm gonna rain hot vengeance down upon every single one of those sons of bi--

(Eachpe fires a bunch of ki blasts at Gorou)

“You got caught mentally monologuing dad.” Issei pointed out.

EACHPE: All right guys, let's hit the show-- (scouter beeps as Gorou appears above him) Tell my brother, Appule, I love him! (Gorou hits him hard on the skull) Aaah... (starts falling to the ground)

“You were saying son?” Gorou replied with a confident smirk.

MANGO: Eachpe, no! (he and his comrades fire a ki blast at Gorou, who vanishes before all three blasts connects) Where the hell is he?

LEMI: Keep sharp! These Saiyans can pull off all kinds of tricks! You have to be very careful--

MANGO: Got him! (fires a ki blast through the smoke, accidentally shooting down his teammate) Pierre, no! You dirty monkey!

LEMI: You're the one who killed him, you ass!

MANGO: Oh, gee Lemi, I never thought of it like tha-- Shut the f**k up! (both of them start charging at Gorou)

“Well, this certainly shows that Saiyans really did have skills even without going full monkey.” Xenovia commented.

GOROU: (thinking) Man, I can't believe they lost to these guys! What a bunch of-- (starts having another vision) Oh, sweet crap, not again!

KAKARROT (ISSEI): (through vision) Kaio-ken!

GOROU: Kaio-wha-- (gets kneed in the face) Ugh!

“HAH!” Vali laughed. “Definitely funnier when it happens to someone else.”

(Lemi grabs Gorou from behind as Mango proceeds to punch him in the stomach. Gorou starts having another vision.)

GOROU: (through vision) For years, you've kept us under your foot...

GOROU: (thinking as he's getting pummeled in reality) What? Is that me? That's it!

MANGO: NOW, DIE!

(Gorou manages to flip over, causing Lemi to get in the way of the attack)

LEMI: What the f-- (gets punched in the back by Mango, coughing up blood) Guah! (Badrock breaks free and fires a ki blast) Goddamn it, Mango, you team-killing f**ktard! (both he and Mango scream as they get disintegrated by the blast)

GOROU: (thinking) I understand what I have to do now. I'm going to raise an army. We're going to rebel against Rizevim. And nothing is going to stop me. (scouter starts beeping) What the--? (turns to see Dodoria charging up a mouth-beam) (out loud) USELESS-ASS PSYCHIC POWERS! (screams as he gets engulfed by the blast)

“Especially with how they distracted him during the fight.” Azazel grinned. “In fact, I’m pretty sure those were the exact words of a few prophets who had that kind of visionary power.” He cheekily said towards Michael, who chose to remain silent.

DODORIA: (singing "Another One Bites the Dust" by Queen)

♪Do-do-do, another one bites the dust♪

 ♪Dodo-do-do-do, another one bites the dust♪

 ♪And another one gone, and another one gone♪ (flies off)

 ♪Another one bites the dust♪

 ♪Hey, I'm gonna get you too♪

 ♪Another one bites the dust...♪

“That is a great song.” Sirzechs spoke up. “But for it to be known in space?”

“Don’t question it.” Issei commented. “Then you’re going to start questioning how everyone speaks the same language across the galaxy without actual translators.”

GOROU: (muffled while under his teammates' bodies) Oh, God! It's true! You really do soil yourself when you die! Ah, it's everywhere! It's in my Dodoria wounds! (frees himself from under the pile and starts coughing) Oh, well, uh, later guys. Off to raise that army. Vengeance... Yada, yada...

(cut to Kakarrot inside a space pod)

OPERATOR 1: All right, little guy. Time to send you to planet "Ee-arth."

OPERATOR 2: I think it's pronounced "Earth."

OPERATOR 1: That sounds stupid.

OPERATOR 2: You're stupid!

“Looks like I’m heading out. Man, it really makes you think how lucky Goku was that the scientist wasn’t told about Freiza’s plan. Otherwise, they wouldn’t have bothered to send him/me” Issei said.

(cut to Rizevim's ship)

RIZEVIM: So... how did the mission go?

DODORIA: Complete Annihilation.

KOKABIEL: Where are your men?

DODORIA: Complete Annihilation.

RIZEVIM: So, you're absolutely sure you killed every single living thing on that planet?

DODORIA: Complete...Annihilation.

“Got to give props on that delivery.” Vali noted. “Just one phrase answer to all those questions, an evne just saying it differently can make an impact.”

(Gorou's space pod is seen flying by Rizevim's ship)

KOKABIEL: So, "Complete Annihilation," huh?

DODORIA: (stammers a few times before speaking) I'm sorry, Lord Rizevim. I'll go take care of it right away.

RIZEVIM: Oh, forget about it. He's already on a direct course for Planet S.O.L.

“Huh?” Most of the audience said. Even the teenagers were a bit confused. Surprisingly, it was Vali who figured it out.

“He means Shit out of Luck.” He said with a grumble, clearly not liking the fact that he could follow Rizevim’s train of thought.

KOKABIEL: Planet what?

RIZEVIM: (groans) Planet...

(cut to Gorou)

GOROU: (thinking) Vegeta! I've gotta warn King Vegeta.

(cut to a bar with many Saiyans socializing as George Thorgood's "Bad to the Bone" plays in a radio)

GOROU: (enters inside from a door) You guys! Rizevim's going to... (hit a table) Augh! (falls to the ground) Who put that table there?

SAIYAN 1: Dude, Gorou, are you wasted?

“Never that bad.” Gorou sweat dropped.

“I have.” Azazel bragged.

GOROU: Nooo. But my crew is...

SAIYAN 2: You smell like poo!

GOROU: Listen to me! We don't have much time. Rizevim's on his way here and he plans to kill us all! We have to raise an army and--

SAIYAN 3: You're mom's an army! (Saiyan crowd starts laughing)

GOROU: What are you, stupid?! Do you--

SAIYAN 4: You face is stupid! (Saiyan crowd starts laughing again)

GOROU: Augh! Do you idiots even get it? Rizevim's about to commit genocide on our entire race!

(short pause)

SAIYAN 5: Cool story, bro! (Saiyan crowd starts laughing once more)

GOROU: You know what? F**k it! I'm done! I hope you all die and go to hell! (runs off)

SAIYAN 6: Wow, that guy's a douche.

“Psh.” Vali scoffed. “Weak material. Clearly, they would have been of no help anyway.”

“Maybe...but if they all went Ozaru at once-” Issei started but Vali cut him off.

“NO HELP, whatsoever” Vali emphasized which Issei just let him have this one.

GOROU: (thinking) Screw them! I don't need an army. I took on those elites, I can take on this tyrant! Rizevim must be stopped...no matter the cost!

("You Got The Touch" by Stan Bush starts playing as Gorou flies off towards Rizevim's ship)

“Ohhh yeah.” Azazel grinned. “This song takes me back.”

“On that I must agree with you brother.” Michael nodded a serene smile on his face.

“Stan Bush, the master of Hype.” Issei said remembering this song from the original Transformers movie.

KOKABIEL: Lord Rizevim, Gorou is approaching from the planet--

RIZEVIM: Waves of Rizevim-soldiers...

(multiple Rizevim soldiers start flying down from the ship)

DODORIA: It's raining men!

KOKABIEL: Hallelujah!

There were a few raised eyebrows at that particular phrasing, but also quite a few chuckles.

GOROU: RIZEVIM!

(soldiers simultaneously fire a ki blast at Gorou)

SOLDIER 1: Yeah, take that-- (Gorou rushes forward and elbows him in the face)

GOROU: RIZEVIM!

(Gorou flies through the multiple soldiers, killing a few of them in the process)

GOROU: RIZEVIM! (gets dogpiled by multiple soldiers) RIZEVIM!

SOLDIER 2: Ah, yo, Gorou, I'm really happy for you and I'ma let you finish, but--

“Huh....” Issei spoke up. “That feels like some sort of American reference.”

“I think it has something to do with one of their award shows.” Rias suggested. “Maybe the Emmy's or Oscars.”

(Gorou launches a blast to free himself and continues flying forward, ramming through multiple soldiers. It then shows the onslaught through a monitor at Rizevim's ship.)

KOKABIEL: Sir, I think he wishes to have words.

RIZEVIM: Oh, whatever gave you that impression?

KOKABIEL: Well, he does keep on shouting your name.

GOROU: (over the speaker) RIZEVIM!

RIZEVIM: Just get my freaking bubble car.

KOKABIEL: Too bad. That Gorou was such a dashing rogue...

DODORIA: What?

The pink alien was not the only one. In fact, the entire audience was taken a back at Kokabiel’s words in different ways. Miki put her arm in front of Gorou as if keeping him from being taken. Others were just disturbed. But Azazel and Bikuou were straight up laughing.

“I wondered sometimes!” Azazel managed to say. “Maybe it’s the same for the real Kokabiel! Maybe he was just repressing himself!”

(Rizevim emerges from inside his ship on his bubble car, which makes a Jetsons mobile sound effect)

GOROU: There you are, Rizevim! I've been looking for you.

RIZEVIM: Well, I'm not exactly hard to find!

GOROU: We've had enough of this! We're done working for you, Rizevim!

SOLDIER 3: (off-screen) Uh, just so you know, that man does not speak for us!

GOROU: We're here to kill you, and take our planet for our own!

SOLDIER 3: (off-screen) Seriously, we're not with him!

“You know,” Rossweisse mused. “If you look at the scene with 0 context, it’s hard to tell who the other soldiers are with.”

“Their armor being all the same certainly does not help.” Ravel agreed.

GOROU: For years, you've kept us under your foot... (continues speaking inaudibly under Rizevim's thoughts)

RIZEVIM: (thinking) Oh, lord, these heroic types with their speeches. "Blah, blah, blah, injustices. Blah, blah, blah, tyranny. Blah, blah, blah, Rizevim, stop killing me!" God, does he have any idea how hard it is to run an empire? I've got other things to do today, you know... Like decide what wine will I have for dinner tonight. White wine, red wine, or dare I say...rosé? Oh, perhaps I should give Shalba a call; his birthday's coming up. Nah, he's a prick. Wait a second, where was I? Oh right, mass genocide. (starts charging a Supernova)

Vali scoffed at the attitude of the on-screen version of his detestable deceased grandfather.

“At least have the decency to honor the heroic speeches.” He declared. “It makes your own retorts more meaningful.”

GOROU: ...end your miserable life, once and for all! (starts charging up a ki blast) Now... Take this, Rizevim! The power of the Saiyan race! (hurls his blast at Rizevim) Hyah!

(Gorou's blast is seen flying towards Rizevim and his growing Supernova and gets swallowed by the tyrant's blast. Rizevim starts laughing madly and fires his now massive Supernova directly at Planet Vegeta.)

GOROU: (thinking) Well, I'd say I should have seen this coming, but that would be ironic...

Everyone in the audience felt the same way. Obviously, this ended in failure. But seeing the events of the past of this world play out, some like Asia and Xenovia could not help but have hope that things would work out.

(Gorou gets engulfed by Rizevim's Supernova, with many pieces of his armor falling off. Soon after, the screen stharts to show different visions and scenes.)

GOROU: (thinking) I see it... My son. He... He's facing Rizevim! He's gonna do it! He's going to avenge our people! But, wait... Wait, there's more...

“Huh.” Issei noticed. “This definitely was not in the actual movie special.” He said, making him and Irina leaned forward in interest.

GOROU: (thinking) He fights...a giant green bug...man. And then a...giant...pink...man-child. Oh, no. It's dark again! Where...? What is...?

The audience was on the edge of their seat. Not only were they given a glimpse of the franchise’s even bigger villains, but the darkness on screen also had them worried Miss Ophis was going to show up again. Even the Ophis in the audience was curious if that would happen.

PARAPARA BROTHER 1: Bonparapara...

PARAPARA BROS.: Bonpappa!

As the screen flashed and presented strange alien creatures danding with spotlights, the Dragonball fans looked like deers caught in their own headlights, with shock and disgust on thier faces.

“Not those guys!” Irina moaned.

“Is this really the last thing I see before I die!” Gorou lamatned, holdig his face in his hands.

PARAPARA BROTHER 1: Bonparapara, bonparapara, bonparapara, bonparapara!

PARAPARA BROTHER 2: I'm gonna lay this one down thick like whole milk!

PARAPARA BROTHER 3: Raise the cane, ra-ra, ra-ra-raise!

PARAPARA BROTHER 1: Bonparapara, bonparapara, bonparapara, bonparapara!

“Oh fan-fucking-tastic that fucking song is stuck in my head...AGAIN!” Issei yelled in frustration and despair.

“It’s annoying! But its catchy too!” yelled Irina equally

GOROU: (thinking) And I now welcome the sweet embrace of death... (Supernova falls and collides with Planet Vegeta)

“Finally” said Gorou in relief...but less of his death and more that he didn’t have to suffer those Nimrods singing any further.

(cut to Shalba in his spaceship)

SAUZA: Monsieur Shalba! It seems that your brother is destroying ze Planet Vegeta!

“Well, this is interesting.” Sirzechs chuckled. “Rizevim and Shalba are brothers here.”

“With Shalba being the older one.” Grayfia noted.

SHALBA: Very impressive, killing off a bunch of monkeys. Any liquored-up hillbilly with a shotgun could have done that at the zoo...

SAUZA: Wait, sir! It seems he has missed one ship. We are within range to intercept--

SHALBA: No, let it go.

SAUZA: But, why?

SHALBA: Because, I'm a prick.

“Not wrong, but our Shalba would have destroyed it to be a prick.” Azazel commented with a sly grin.

(cut to Planet Vegeta getting destroyed)

NARRATOR: And so, Planet Vegeta was destroyed, along with all its inhabitants. Save a lone Saiyan child...and his brother...and a space pirate...and a renegade monster and his father...and, of course, Prince...

(cut to kid Vali and Riser)

“NOOOO!!!!!” Vali cried out in extreme pain, getting looks and laughter from the rest of the audience.

“Oh, relax kid.” Azazel teased. “So, what if we get to see how cute you used to be.”

“I thought I was free of that idiot!!!!!”

“Ohhhhh.” Issei realized. “You’re upset about being in a scene with this version of Riser again.” His words made Ravel shrink in her seat as she was reminded of this version of her brother’s stupidity.

“Didn’t she show up as a ghost anyway?” Xenovia asked, making Vali scream in pain and Ravel more embarrassed.

RISER: Vali!

VALI: What is it, Riser?

RISER: Well, I've got good news...and bad news. The bad news is...reports say our entire planet has been destroyed by a gigantic meteorite along with all its inhabitants.

VALI: Aah... But, what about--

RISER: Aaand your father.

“That’s actually good news.” Vali managed to say, starting to calm down.

VALI: My whole family...! My race!

RISER: But the good news is, we're going to Dairy Queen!

“REALLY!!!!”

VALI: My entire race is go--

RISER: DAIRY QUEEN!

VALI: Just take me to the damn queen, Riser.

RISER: Yaaaay! This seems the beginning of a beauuuutiful friendship...

“Oh you have no idea how wrong you are blondie.” Vali growled.

(cut to planet Earth with Kakarrot being heard crying...again)

GRANDPA GOHAN: Oh look, someone threw out a perfectly good baby. Aren't you just adorable? I think I'm gonna call you...Clark. Heeeey, Claaarrrk. (thinking) Nah, that sounds stupid.

“Take that Superman.” Issei and Irina said at the same time totally smug.

GRANDPA GOHAN: (speaking again) Oh! How about...Issei? (Issei starts laughing) Yes, Issei! You like that, huh? Yes, you do! Whee! Wheee! Wheeeee! Whoops! (Issei is seen landing hard on his head) Uh, oh.

Miki and Gorou could not help but turn to the actual Issei, worry in their eyes, and sighing in relief.

“So that’s how it started.” Xenovia mused.

“Don’t know if we should say it’s a good or bad thing.” Koneko said.

(credits roll)

As the credits played, scenes played out showing young Issei going through the adventures of Dragonball, making Issei and Irina super excited as they could not help but point out each one.

“Well,” CC spoke up getting most of the audience’s attention. “I hope you like this special showing before we return to the main timeline of events in this world.”

“Hilarious.” Azazel said with two thumbs up. “Can’t wait to see more of Kokabiel being all that.” He added with a giggle.

CC had a sort of smirk as they clapped their hand and the credits finished, and concessins refilled.

“Then lets get started on watching the next adventure.”

Once again, many thanks to everyone for following along.

Thanks for your patience, and thanks to my patrons for supporting me. Speaking of which, this is a good place to share.

Special supporters got to read this two weeks early!

This is my first time doing this and I intend to continue doing this. The number of days might vary, but the point is if you want to read my stuff early as well as decide what I focus on, ask how to support me!

That’s it for now. Please Favorite, Follow, and Review. But most of all, thank you for reading!

Chapter Text

Hello.

Hope you all enjoyed the Bardock Special reaction. Especially my supporters who got to read it two weeks early. And yes, supporters got to read this chapter two weeks early as well.

Depending on the chapter or story I might just do one-week instead of two. We'll have to see how things play out or what sort of mood I am in. The point being, if you want to read my stuff ASAP, make sure to support me!

We hope you all enjoy.

High School DxD is the property of Ishibumi sensei.

Dragon Ball Z Abridged is the creation of Team Four Star

Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z, and Dragon Ball GT are all owned by Akira Toriyama, please support the official release.

“Talking”

‘Thinking’

“Host talking”

‘Host thinking’

Episode 11

Having finished the Bardock Special, or perhaps Gorou Special would be more appropriate, everyone was back in the mood to see their alternate selves be part of their own version of Dragon ball adventures, as strange as they might be.

“It we are getting back to the main events,” Issei began to speak. “Then that means....”

“One of the most epic arcs is about to begin.” Irina finished excitedly.

“The Namek Saga!” they both cheered arms in the air, getting chuckles of amusement and pouts of jealousy.

“That’s probably why we watched that special just now.” Kiba spoke in realization. “From what I remember this is where Freiza is truly a villain, and so that showing just now served as a sort of preview to how evil this version of him is.”

“He’s the son of Lucifer.” Vali grunted. “By human terms, the actual Anti-Christ. Of course he’s evil.”

“Yeah, but I don’t think your gramps has blown up planets.” Bikou chuckled.

“Doesn’t mean he couldn’t if he got creative or motivated enough.” Vali admitted with a grunt. The three faction leaders couldn't’ help but nod. After all, he awakened the beast Trihexa even with his death.

“But this means I’ll get to see that scene!” Issei squealed.

“I am sooo jealous.” Irina squealed back, practically vibrating in her seat with so much excitement she was shining like a light bulb. A few people were confused but must understood.

“You’re talking about going-” Akeno began before Issei and Irina put their fingers to her lips and shushed her.

“Spoilers!” they both said. Though they pulled their fingers back as Akeno took the chance to tease them by licking both of them.

‘Not sure that counts here.’ many people thought.

Thats when the lights dimmed and the screen started to play, and everyone shut up, got comfortable, and started to enjoy the show.

[DISCLAIMER]

KAISERNEKO: The following is a fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, Toei Animation, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release.

(scene cuts to Wukong Hospital where Issei is seen in bandages from his battle with Vali)

MASTER AZAZEL: Hey there, Issei. How goes the recovery?

ISSEI: Well, the doctors say I should be in here for a couple of months, what with the crushed legs, shattered ribs, and the brain damage. And the brain damage. And the brain damage. Oh, hey Master Azazel. When did you get here?

“So, nothing’s changed.” Azazel spoke up. “With both versions.” he added with extra emphasis on the word ‘both’ getting a few laughs all around.

“Hah hah.” Issei said sarcastically.

1. FIELDGOOD: Mister.... Hooodooo? You have another visitor to see you.

ISSEI: What? But all my friends are already here.

1. OPHIS: (appearing outside a window) Not all of them.

Some of the audience felt like jumping from their seats.

“Still not getting used to that.” Serafall muttered

ISSEI: Uh... uh... uh...

(flashback of kid Issei arriving at Michael's Lookout)

“Awwwwwww.” The girls cooed at the sight of young Issei.

“Look at those chubby cheeks!”

“Such an adorable face!!!”

Issei sank into his seat a little embarrassed at his girls calling him cute.

KID ISSEI: Yay! I made it to the top! Now I can train with Michael, the strongest, most powerful being on the... (notices Ms. Ophis) Hmm? Who's that?

(both Issei and Ms. Ophis stare at each other, with the camera moving back-and-forth on their faces before going back to the present)

ISSEI: (starts screaming) GET HER AWAY FROM ME! (screams) OH, GOD! OH, GOD! (continues to scream while the nurses try and hold him down)

NURSE 1: Hold him down!

NURSE 2: Careful, he's injured!

Everyone was rather worried about the Issei on screen, what on earth could Ophis have done to him to elicit that kind of response. But the more questions they had the more they decided not to pursue the answer...after all...they may not like what they find.

[OPENING SEQUENCE]

1. FIELDGOOD: Well, we've finally been able to sedate him. Took us a while; we had to go through some alternative treatment.

MASTER AZAZEL: Oh, really? What did you use?

1. FIELDGOOD: Something I found under the sink. I think it was... Clorox or something.

(cuts to Issei, who is foaming at the mouth)

ISSEI: (gargles)

Miki fainted as everyone else looked horrified at Issei’s current state.

“THAT QUACK POISONED ME!” Issei yelled

1. FIELDGOOD: Well, page me if you need me.

“NEVER!” yelled Issei, the girls, and his family

1. OPHIS: Byyyye.

MASTER AZAZEL:: Oh, you're still here. Who are you anyway?

KUROKA: That's Ms. Ophis. He lives up on the lookout with Michael.

“Well well.” Kurkoa giggled. “Looks like I’m here as well.”

“But who are you replacing here?” Le Fay wondered out loud.

“If I had to guess,” Issei spoke up. “She’s probably taking Korin’s place here. I have to say, definitely like she’s still her true self and not just some talking cat.” he added with his usual silly grin.

“Glad to hear such praise, Issei Chyaan.” Kuroka meowed with a wave.

1. OPHIS: Alright. Everyone listens up if you want to get those other useless maggots back.

SAJI: You mean, you can get our friends back?

1. OPHIS: (sky turns red) Shut up, maggot!

SAJI: (visibly terrified) Yes, ma’am!

This got shivers from the older members of the audience. Several other deities have had that effect on the environment when their emotions went out of control. But Ophis never did. Once again, they felt more fears about what the world could have been like if she had decided to actually act like a god.

1. OPHIS: (sky turns blue) As I was saying, the only hope to get your friends back is to use the Dragon Balls on Michael's home planet: Namek.

SONA: Namek? That's not a planet I've ever heard of.

1. OPHIS: Oh, look at that. A woman who doesn't know any better. What are the odds?

SAJI: To be fair, Ms. Ophis, until recently, I've never heard of that planet either.

1. OPHIS: Oh, look at that. A woman who doesn't know any better.

SAJI: A-- G-- God... damn it, I walked right into that one...

Some laughs went out, though not too many considering the insult thrown at women in general. Though there were also mixed feelings seeing as Ophis was currently female on screen as well.

1. OPHIS: Anyway, I'm the only one who knows where Michael's old ship is. And the only one with the transportation to get you there, and this is a carpet made for two.

SONA: Well, I think the only way to fairly decide on this is to have a democratic vote--

SAJI: Sona.

MASTER AZAZEL: Sona.

KUROKA: Sona.

MILLICAS: Sona.

XENOVIA: Sona.

ZEOTICUS: Yoooohooo. Sona.

ISSEI: (continues to gargle)

Sona’s eyes narrowed as she looked at all the people in the audience who just immediately voted for her on screen version to be stuck with the scary version of Ophis. Even Serafall looked nervous. On the one hand, she hated the idea of her sister being scarified like that. On the other, she couldn't really think of an alternative.

SONA: (desperately trying to avoid being along with Ms. Ophis) Okay, um... uh... Oh, ha! (takes out a remote) We don't need your help! I've got right here a remote control to one of the crashed Saiyan ships. All I have to do is put in these coordinates and... (pushes some buttons on the remote, promptly causing the Saiyan pod to explode, startling a reporter)

TV REPORTER: YEEEEEEE-- (TV shows an off-air color bars screen along with a beeping sound)

VOICE: Critical failure!

Sona face palmed at her other-self's “Accident”.

“Don’t worry Sona-tan, everyone makes mistakes” Serafall said trying to console her sister...it didn’t help.

1. OPHIS: Well, well, well. Look who just ran out of options.

MASTER AZAZEL: Damn it, Sona. Stop being such a scaredy-cat and get on the carpet with the scary genie.

SONA: I swear to God, if anything happens to me while I'm gone, I'm kicking Saji's ass! (Sona starts to get on Ms. Ophis's carpet)

“But why me Prez!” Saji teared up.

1. OPHIS: Oh, you and I are going to get along just fine. (teleports away with Sona)

(scene cuts to the highlands of Yunzabit with Ms. Ophis and Sona appearing on Ms. Ophis flying carpet)

1. OPHIS: Alright, here we are. Yunzabit Heights.

SONA: Wait a sec... how did we make it here so fast? This is the other side of the planet!

1. OPHIS: Yep, this carpet gets about ten thousand miles to the soul.

SONA: What?

“WHAT!” The younger audience cried out. Meanwhile, Azazel mentally chucked at their reaction.

‘Ah the old days of using human souls as resources for some of the more dangerous and experimental magics. Good times.’

1. OPHIS: The gallon.

SONA: But... if you can make it to the other side of the planet so fast, why didn't you help Issei get to the Saiyans when he arrived on Earth?

1. OPHIS: I was preoccupied.

“Ophis must have been doing something important to not be able to help Issei.” Asia commented.

“Or maybe this dumb version of the Oppai dragon didn't even bother asking them.” Bikou cackled, dodging the popcorn thrown at him.

(flashback of Issei at Michael's Lookout)

ISSEI: Miss Ophis! I need your carpet to get to my friends as quickly as possible!

1. OPHIS: (off-screen) Makin' toast!

ISSEI: Aw, fine! Nimbus! (flies away on Flying Nimbus)

1. OPHIS: (off-screen as a "Ding!" sound can be heard) Butterin' toast!

There was silence in the audience. They weren't sure if they should laugh as they were worried Ophis would take offense.

“Must have been some damn good toast.” Ddraig finally spoke out loud.

(back to present with Ms. Ophis and Sona arriving at Michael's ship)

1. OPHIS: Here it is; Michael's ship.

SONA: It's old and covered in moss!

1. OPHIS: I know. Fits, doesn't it? Now, get in.

SONA: But, how do we--?

1. OPHIS: Ophis! (floor of the ship drops down)

SONA: Oh, wow! Your name opens the ship?

1. OPHIS: Ophis! (both he and Sona gets lifted up inside)

SONA: And it closes it, too.

1. OPHIS: OPHIS! (ship quickly flies into outer space and stops in front of Jupiter)

SONA: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!

1. OPHIS: No. It just knows better. Welcome to Jupiter.

“Just her name alone makes the ship listen.” Azazel shuddered.

“Just how strong is the counterpart she’s playing.” Vali asked, excitement in his voice.

“Well,” Issei pondered out loud. “Popo showed quite a few magic abilities, but he was never in a real fight.”

“But he did hold off Super Saiyan Trunks and Goten.” Irina pointed out. This got raised eyebrows as she was deep in thought. “In the Buu Saga, when they wake up, they attack him hard but he’s able to hold them off easily.”

“You sure that wasn’t just a gag?” Issei checked.

“No, she’s got a point.” Gorou spoke up. “Even if it was for laughs, it does show that Popo has significant power.”

“In fact,” Miki spoke up, “Doesn’t that new Super anime have a character with similar eyes?”

The childhood friends thought about her question, then came to the same realization.

“The Omni King has the same eyes and expression!” They cried out.

“You don’t think....” Issei started to sweat.

“They are from the same family....” Irina trailed off.

“Wait, you mean more of Ophis!” Bikuou squeaked.

Everyone turned to Ophis in the audience, mindlessly eating her mountain of snacks. She realized everyone was looking at her, swallowed a large bite, then spoke.

“Only one of me.” She intoned. “Lillith is still part of me, but no one like her or us ever.”

Her words made everyone breathed sighs of relief. Though there were a few who held some level of skepticism.

SONA: My God, we're so far into space! In such a short amount of time! This is wonderful, Ms. Ophis! We can finally save our friends! This is terrific! This is-

1. OPHIS: OOOOPPPPHHHHIIIISSSS! (Ships quickly flies back towards Earth)

SONA: AAAAAAAAHHH!

(scene cuts to Wukong Hospital)

SONA: And we went to Jupiter in just a couple of seconds! We'll be at Namek in no time! And even better, Ophis could be our pilot!

SAJI: Oh, dear God!

1. OPHIS: No.

SAJI: Oh, thank God!

SONA: But... Why aren't you--

1. OPHIS: If I was going to do it myself, why would I need you? (shows a startled Sona) See you when you get back... except... this season... you.

(camera slowly zooms in on Saji's face)

SAJI: Heh... Whaddya think he means by that? Heh.

A hiss of realization went through the teenagers. If Saji was Krillin, that that meant.....

“Damn it.” Saji moped.

RIAS: Well, all I know is that my little boy isn't going anywhere.

MILLICAS: Actually... Mom, I'm going to Namek.

RIAS: (sounding strained) As... I... said... my little boy... (now angry) isn't going anywhere!

MILLICAS: But Mom! Sirzechs died for me! It's my responsibility!

“As much as I love my brother,” Rias spoke from her seat, Sirzechs himself cheering at her words, “I would not let you go off into space like that.” She called out to Millicas who lightly adorably pouted as his father started to mope.

RIAS: Millicas, I am your mother! And as your mother, you will listen to me, and you will do as I say!

MILLICAS: But that's not--

RIAS: Did YOU carry around a baby in you for nine months, with a man who literally thought you had Cinna-Buns hidden in your shirt?!

“Preach it girl.” Miki cheered, with Grayfia nodding in agreement, making Rias blush.

MILLICAS: But I--

RIAS: Now you are going to lay in this hospital bed! Recover like a normal boy! And then, you're going right back to your advanced trig classes, AND THAT IS THE LAST WE WILL--

MILLICAS: SHUT YOUR F**KING FACE!!!

(awkward silence)

The theater was dead silent, except for the sound of glass shattering. Everyone's eyes were wide as jaws hit the floor. Millicas Gremory, sweet little innocent child, had just yelled and swore at his mother/aunt. Sirzechs swallowed a lump in his throat and slowly turned to Grayfia to gauge her reaction, but when he did, he saw his wife was white as a sheet and her soul was levitating from her mouth.

“GRAYFIA KEEP IT TOGETHER” he said gently shaking his wife.

As for Millicas himself, he was shocked in a more cutsey way. As in, he found it funny seeing a version of himself doing something he could never imagine doing.

MILLICAS: (calmly) I'll be going to Namek, now.

RIAS: (walks towards the door; also calm) You'd best. (slams the door behind her)

SONA: Well, uh... better get started on that ship!

MILLICAS: Please hurry...

“Agreed.” The audience said at the same time.

(scene cuts to Sona and Dr. Ajuka working on the Michael's ship)

NARRATOR: With that, Sona got to work on the ship to prepare it for their travel.

SONA: Hey, Dad. How are things coming along?

1. AJUKA: Well, I'm working on your translator, but all I can get it to do is translate the Namekian into another language I don’t understand.

TOILET: Toire de arimasu!

1. AJUKA: Damn moonspeak!

‘Really?’ the collective thought went through the native Japanese in the audience.

(scene cuts to Kame House, where Sona, Saji, and Master Azazel are seen in front of Michael's spaceship)

NARRATOR: And in ten days, the remaining warriors were recovered and ready to set out to Namek.

SAJI: So, you sure this thing's ready to fly?

SONA: Yep! I've gotten everything worked out. Well, except for one thing... We couldn't fix the translator for the toilet.

TOILET: Ich bin gefüllt mit pisswasser!

“But why German.” Xenovia asked incredulously.

MASTER AZAZEL: (notices a twinkle in the sky) Hey, I think I see their car.

(Rias, Ox-King, and Millicas arrive at Kame House)

SAJI: Hey Millicas, how are yo... (notices a blushing Millicas with a bowl haircut) ...OH, MY GOD! What happened to your head? You look like a young Moe Howard.

MILLICAS: Well look who's talking, Curly!

SAJI: Why, I oughta...!

SONA: (angrily) Clam it, chowderheads, we gotta get going!

“Ahh.” Azazel chuckled. “The Three Stooges. Fun guys to have a drink with.”

“Truly the golden age of slapstick comedy” Sirzechs agreed.

It was at this point that Grayfia returned to her senses. She gave both Millicas on screen and in the audience a stern look. One that promised long “conversations” for later.

MILLICAS: Bye, everybody!

RIAS: Now Millicas, don't make any friends with any questionable strangers! That includes you, Saji!

SAJI: So, Sona, where do I put my stuff?

SONA: (angrily) Sit down, strap in, and shut up!

SAJI: Uh, alright. So Millicas, how much stuff did you bring?

MILLICAS: Well, Mom packed my bags, so there's a lot in there.

SAJI: Well, you know what they say, "Always be prepared."

SONA: Ophis.

(Spaceship quickly blasts off into outer space)

SAJI and MILLICAS: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

[ENDING SEQUENCE]

[STINGER]

(cuts to Wukong Hospital with Issei still gargling with foam in his mouth)

ISSEI: (while gurgling) Bacon...

“Really?” Issei sweat dropped. “That’s all I can say?”

“Hah! Even choking on chemicals, you’re a gluttonous dumbass.” Bikou cackled. He got several stink eyes but ignored them.

“Well,” CC spoke up. “So begins the Namek Saga. And honestly, seems like those in the know are the most excited.”

“You bet!” Issei cheered, getting smiles firm his parents. “But...” He groaned and turned towards Saji. “Sorry man. It has to happen.”

“No, I get it.” The blonde pawn sighed. “Doesn’t make it any better.”

“Well...” CC coughed. “Looks like we can keep rolling on at a good pace.

Once again, many thanks to everyone for following along.

If any of you readers have watched the Creator Commentary of FourStarBento for episode 11 and 12, you’ll know that they revealed the inspiration/reasoning behind Popo being so strong. I thought I'd include a bit of homage to it by having the DxD cast debate it a bit.

Anyway, with this we have started the Namek Saga!

If you are wondering about how this got written so fast, we actually set up the script for both the Bardock special and episode 11 at the same time. Since we were still trying to pick the order, we figured it would be best to have both ready. Which is also why we chose to go ahead and write out this reaction soon after the Bardock special was posted, especially since this is still a short episode just establishing the Namek Saga. Future chapters will take longer as the episodes get longer and denser. But that just means better reactions!

That’s it for now. Please Favorite, Follow, and Review. But most of all, thank you for reading!

Chapter Text

Hello.

Here we are with episode 12! I will admit, I was not certain of when I would get to this. But let's just say with my family situation, this was something I could easily work on despite the drama I'm having to deal with. Furthermore, this episode is short and simple. Once we get to real Namek, there are multiple moving parts in the original episode, which means more reactions.

We hope you all enjoy.

High School DxD is the property of Ishibumi sensei.

Dragon Ball Z Abridged is the creation of Team Four Star

Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z, and Dragon Ball GT are all owned by Akira Toriyama, please support the official release.

“Talking”

‘Thinking’

“Host talking”

‘Host thinking’

Episode 12

The excitement Issei and Irina had before, had grown.

“We’re going to Namek.” Irina squealed.

“We’re going to Namek!” Issei cheered back.

“Going to Namek!” Miki and Gorou cheered.

“I should be there, right?” Vali asked, turning to Bikou.

“Why do you think I would know?” He replied.

“You know why.” Vali countered.

“Well even if I did, I wouldn't tell you.”

“Hmmph.”

The screen came to life, and everyone quieted.

[DISCLAIMER]

KAISERNEKO: The following is a fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, Toei Animation, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release.

(scene cuts to an outside view of a mirror spaceship, where Saji and Millicas are inside and surrounded at gunpoint by a group of space orphans)

“Oh boy.” Irina whistled. “Starting off here.”

“They’d better aim their guns somewhere else if they know what's good for them.” Sirzechs glared at the screen, Grayfia doing the same.

“You know...” Gorou spoke up. “I actually forgot about this filler arc.

CUTTER: So, Rizevim sent you to follow us, huh? Looks like he wasn’t satisfied with just our planet!

SAJI: Who the hell is Rizevim--

“If only we could rub it in that old man's face.” Vali sighed blissfully.

CUTTER: Shut up! There's no way we can let you people live! Not after what you did to our planet, our families!

“Does anyone remember this part of the filler?” Issei asked legitimately, wondering what was going on.

“Issei, there are more filler episodes in Dragon Ball Z then some people will admit, it’s best just to roll with it till the REAL story starts” Irina said giving Issei some peace of mind.

(Space orphans cheer)

CUTTER: (while aiming a gun at Saji) And now, for your crimes against our people...

SAJI: Okay seriously, we have no idea what--

CUTTER: WE SENTENCE YOU TO DEATH!

SAJI: Uhhh, isn’t that a little...

CUTTER: Men! Ready your blasters!

(many weapons are heard cocking)

SAJI: Millicas, this may be it. Close your eyes!

In the audience, Grayfia and Sirzechs covered Millicas eyes, shielding their sown from the sight of himself getting shot, even though both were confident he would make it out ok.

CUTTER: Aim! FIRE!

(a shot is fired at Saji's head, which shows to have no effect)

SAJI: Oh... Huh....

“Yeah, most conventional weapons in DBZ are just plain useless, I’m pretty sure the Z-fighters are bullet and laser proof at this point” Issei said.

“And seeing as Saji here trained in Kame-style since he was a kid, no firearm can hurt him.” Gorou added, making the Saji in the audience beam with pride.

CUTTER: Oh, my God! Rizevim's men are stronger than we thought! Everyone! Take your cyanide tablets!

“Wait their what!” Miki cried out, with others still processing the line.

SAJI: But we told you, we don’t know any Rizevim--

(Space orphans drop dead one by one)

Millicas’s ears were covered up as well as Kuno’s eyes and ears as the first body was seen dropping dead. It was quickly followed so many more, leaving the audience as shocked as the on screen Saji, and they had only seen a fraction of it.

SAJI: (completely shocked at what just happened) I... uh... uh...

MILLICAS: (eyes still closed) Saji, can I open my eyes now?

SAJI: Just get back to the ship, Millicas.

MILLICAS: But I can't see.

SAJI: JUST GET BACK TO THE SHIP!

The parents did not move their hands until after the horrible scene was gone, sighing in relief.

[OPENING SEQUENCE]

(scene cuts to the spaceship flying through outer space)

SAJI: (in his thoughts) Saji's log, stardate... uh... November 28th. We've been flying for two weeks now. Starting to feel very pent up. Not just for being trapped on the ship of course, but from Sona walking around in nothing but her underwear!

A few jaws dropped to the floor as Sona on screen was indeed walking around the ship in what was basically underwear. Saji was the most flabbergasted obviously. As for Sona herself...

She had practically passed out. It didn’t help that....

“Look So-tan!” Serafall yelled for everyone to hear. “Your boobs are as big as mine!”

SAJI: (in his thoughts) I would relieve this tension, but I've had no alone time as the toilet (out loud) KEEPS SCREAMING AT ME!!!

TOILET: Scheiße auf meinem gesicht!

“Oh man that’s got to suck” Issei said knowing full well what Saji was insinuating. Clearly, he was one of the few who did as most of the audience had looks of confusion.

SAJI: I’m not sure how much longer I can last...

SONA: Saji, are you saying something?

SAJI: Nothing! (under his breath) Goddamn c*cktease.

“SAJI!” Sona yelled, snapping put of her shock.

“IT WASN’T ME KAICHOU!!” Saji yelled, hiding behind his seat.

‘No,’ Issei thought. ‘But I bet that’s what you actually think sometimes.’

SONA: Huh? You guys! You wouldn’t believe it, but, I see planet Namek!

SAJI: Wait, how the hell do you know it's planet Name... (sees a giant neon sign that says "Planet Namek")

“Really?” Azazel asked sarcastically. “You’re actually going to trust a random sign? Shouldn’t that thing have actual data map or something?”

SAJI: Huh. Well, what do you know? Bring us in for a landing, Sona.

SONA: (puts on her spacesuit) Yeah, um, about that...

SAJI: About what?

SONA: Did I mention I don’t really know how to land this thing?

“You mean to tell me you studied this alien ship from stem to stern and you didn’t figure out how it lands!?” Yelled Azazel

“This technology is foreign to my other selves! Besides can you say you would have done any better” Sona Argued.

“YES! In fact, I bet I could have reversed engineered a whole fleet of Starship” Azazel said puffing his chest with pride making everyone roll their eyes.

SAJI: Uh... Seat-belts, Millicas! (Millicas quickly straps in his seat-belt)

(The spaceship drops down into the planet, with the word "Fake" briefly lighting up on the neon sign above "Planet Namek")

Many people slapped did the facepalm at this.

(scene cuts to the spaceship plowing through a wooded area, with Sona, Saji, and Millicas screaming, until it nearly stops short of falling off a cliff)

SAJI: See? This is why women shouldn't drive!

SONA: Oh, right. This coming from the Asian!

MILLICAS: Well, I’m half-Saiyan, what does that make me?

SONA and SAJI: FIVE!

“And none of you are ready to learn driving.” Gorou said with Miki nodding.

(the ship tips forward and drops over the cliff, with everyone screaming before the screen goes black)

(scene changes to an outside view of a "Namakian" house with Sona, Saji, and Millicas sleeping in a bed)

ZAACRO: Uh, are you sure they're, okay? They've been out for a long time.

RAITI: Of course, I’m sure they’re okay! Now just follow the plan!

ZAACRO: We had a plan?

RAITI: Of course we have the plan, stupid! To take their ship, and get off this stupid rock. (Sona starts to wake up) Oh crap, they're waking up! Act natural, act natural!

“Well look like they are going through that filler after all.” Irina groaned. “Oh Lord, please don’t let this take up 4 episodes.”

ZAACRO: Hi.

RAITI: Hiii!

ZAACRO: Welcome to Namek!

RAITI: Yeah, Namek!

ZAACRO: Totally.

RAITI: We're totally Namekers.

SONA: You mean Namekians?

RAITI: Yeah, those guys. That's us!

“Wow Sona.” Rias spoke up with mirth in her voice. “I can’t believe you’re falling for this.” she teased her childhood rival.

“You know very well I wouldn’t fall for such and obvious lie!” Sona hissed back

ZAACRO: So, uh, what brings you to, like, our planet?

RAITI: Which is Namek.

SONA: Well, we’re here to search for the Dragon Balls.

RAITI: Eww! That's disgusting! Why would you--

ZAACRO: I think they mean the ones that grant wishes.

RAITI: Oh yeah, we totally have those! The wish-granting balls...

SONA: Oh. Well, if you wouldn’t mind helping us look for them.

RAITI: Oh yeah, we’ll help you find the ball dragons.

ZAACRO: (off-screen) Dragon Balls.

RAITI: Yeah that one. Hey Zaacro.

ZAACRO: What?

RAITI: We should totally help them find them, and then we'll take them and then we'll make our wish for ourselves!

“Aren’t they talking in front Sona and the others?” Kiba pointed out.

ZAACRO: Uh, ours don't actually grant any wishes. I think we made that up. Did we make that up?

RAITI: What? No... Why would we make that up?

ZAACRO: Well, 'cause, like ya told me when we read their minds that we wanted their ship so we could get off this planet.

RAITI: That's... that’s... no... that’s just no. We would never do that, dude. Come on, not cool.

MILLICAS: Saji, do these two seem off to you?

SAJI: I like 'em!

“Moron” Vali said offhandedly

“OH WHO ASKED YOU!” yelled Saji

RAITI: Time to find the Dragon Balls!

(scene shifts to an outside shot of Rizevim Planet 218 and then inside with Vali in a healing tank)

“Cool.” Bikuou grinned. “we’re getting an update on you boss man.”

1. BIRDENHEIM: Yeah, he landed here a few days ago. He was pretty messed up; I'll tell ya what.

RUDY: But, what happened to his partner?

1. BIRDENHEIM: Well that's the screwed-up part. They say he killed his partner and that his ghost still haunts him to this very day.

RUDY: What? Really?

1. BIRDENHEIM: No! What are you, stupid? We're doctors! Scientists! Now inject this man with some science! Delicious, magical, science!

Everyone turned to Azazel, being reminded of his experiments with the way the doctor on screen was talking.

VALI: (thinking) Gotta.... get... out of here... Gotta... get to... Namek... Gotta... get the... Dragon Balls... God... dammit... Riser!

GHOST RISER: You were saying... saying... saying...

(Vali's muffled screams are heard)

“Even in Death I cannot escape his Idiocy” Vali groaned

1. BIRDENHEIM: My God! We have to get him out of there! His heart rocket is skyrating!

RUDY: Uh, don’t you mean his heart rate...

1. BIRDENHEIM: Dammit, man, I’m a doctor, not an English teacher! (fluid drains out of the healing tank) Good to see you're awake, Vali. We have to apologize, though. We... couldn’t save your tail.

VALI: (putting on his armor) It’s alright. I can live without it.

“Awww man.” Bikou mock pouted. “And here I thought we could be monkey tail bros.”

1. BIRDENHEIM: If you call that living. You'd walk around a shell of your former self, everyone calling you a "tail-less freak"!

VALI: ...You know, I could probably kill all of you and Rizevim wouldn’t care.

1. BIRDENHEIM: Yeah, but that still wouldn't get your tail back.

A sigh went through the audience. Everyone knew that this man had just signed his own death sentence.

VALI: (now smiling) ...Tell me something, which is your favorite internal organ?

1. BIRDENHEIM: What an odd question! But if I had to choose I guess I have to say my liver. (Vali's shadow approaches Dr. Birdenheim)

(scene cuts away to two soldiers as Dr. Birdenheim's painful scream is heard off-screen. Vali is seen walking past the two soldiers.)

VALI: (thinking) You know, it’s the simple things in life.

“Really Vali?” asked Issei.

“You have to remind them of the pecking order, my rival” Vali said with his signature grin.

GLAYLAS: Hey there, Vali.

“Huh,” Rias spoke up surprised. “didn’t think I’d see Glaylas here.”

“I think Vegeta was talking to some alien named Cue in the original.” Irina said with a serious thinking face, using all her brain power to remember.

VALI: Speaking of simple, what is it, Glaylas?

GLAYLAS: Where are you off to in such a hurry?

VALI: Off to plow your mother!

GLAYLAS: Ha! Shows what you know, Vali. We reproduce asexually.

The teenagers all had to hold back their pukes at hearing this.

“Just great.” Issei groaned, hand over his mouth. “I was going to applaud Vali for making that joke about his mom, but he ruined it in more ways than one.”

VALI: Gross, out of my way. (begins to walk past Glaylas)

GLAYLAS: (grabs Vali shoulder) Off to Namek are we?

VALI: ...Come again?

GLAYLAS: We heard about the Dragon Balls. We know the Namekians made them and Rizevim is way ahead of you.

VALI: What?! How?!

GLAYLAS: The scouter was on the entire time.

VALI: That's impossible! My transmitter was off the entire time! Whose scouter was-- (suddenly realizes that there was only one person who accompanied him to Earth)

(cuts to Vali in a space pod, how having a scouter, on his way to Planet Namek)

VALI: GODDAMMIT RISERAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“That sounds about right.” Vali snarled.

“To be fair,” Ravel spoke up in defense of her brother. “Seeing as at that point you and he were part of this army, him having his transmitter on all the time makes more sense.”

(scene shifts to "Planet Namek" where Sona is seen holding the Dragon Radar)

SONA: Wow, you guys. We’ve already found two Dragon Balls.

SAJI: Wow! This usually takes us, like... months.

RAITI: That's because you’re on the planet Namek. Everything's better up here. You should totally stay here... forever. While we take your ship.

SAJI: What?

RAITI: Oh, look it’s another Dragon Ball in the lake. You should go get it!

“Reaaaaal subtle here.” Azazel said sarcastically. Meanwhile Sona was glaring at Saji even harder.

(shows the ship flying over a giant skeleton)

SAJI: Is that a giant skeleton?

RAITI: Oh come on, dude. What are you, chicken? Don’t you want to have the awesome adventures? On the planet Namek? With the Dragon Balls? And the awesome musical montage?

("Gotta Find That Dragon Ball!" theme song plays while the group is shown finding five Dragon Balls)

“Well good news is they are doing this very fast.” Gorou said, everyone nodding in agreement.

RAITI: Hey, wasn’t that fun?

ZAACRO: Yeah, it was... woo...

SAJI: Hey, um, I’ve been meaning to ask you guys. Where are all the other Namekians?

RAITI: Oh, they’re around. Don’t even pretend you didn’t see them.

ZAACRO: Yeah, we passed them like, three times.

RAITI: Didn’t you see Steve?

ZAACRO: He waved!

RAITI: Don’t diss Steve.

ZAACRO: Yeah, don’t do that.

RAITI: He has social phobias.

SONA: Come on, you guys! We only have one more Dragon Ball left! Then we can wish back our friends!

RAITI: What? No! We can't let you do that!

“Huh?” The audience asked.

ZAACRO: Yeaaah. We-- What?

RAITI: See, we can’t let you have the Dragon Balls. They’re our Dragon Balls! We will take them and we will make our wish for ourselves! And then, you suck our three-foot long Schwanzstuckes!

“Ohhhhh.”

“They’ve gotten so used to lying they ended up fooling themselves.” Michael preached. “Such is the fate for those who live in deceit.”

“Amen.” the Church trio said crossing themselves.

SAJI: Your what?

ZAACRO: Our-- our wangs.

RAITI: It’s funny because "wang" means penis.

SAJI: Wait a minute! Namekians don’t HAVE penises!

Sirzechs fell out of his seat. That random strange statement had been completely forgotten. But now it was being used to prove a lie.

“Really hoping that there is some sort of misunderstanding here.” He groaned while Grayfia shook her head.

RAITI: What?! What are you talking about?! Of course we do!

ZAACRO: Uhh, actually, I, uh, read their minds... and I don't think we do.

SAJI: You guys aren't Namekians at all!

“No shit Sherlock” Vali said.

“AGAIN NO ONE ASKED YOU!” Saji yelled.

(scene shows Raiti and Zaacro in their true forms)

RAITI: Oh look what you’ve done, Zaacro! Why do you have to go and mess this up? Blow our cover.

ZAACRO: Okay, I did not do that. Did I do that?

RAITI: Well you must have 'cause I would never do anything that stupid.

ZAACRO: Well, there was that one time... when you got mad at those two guys... who just wanted to play a children's card game. And you made us chase after them... then we ended up crashing here... on this planet.

“Hold on...” Issei said. “Are...are they talking about Duel Monsters?”

“Could be Card Fight Vanguard.” Kiba pointed out.

“Or maybe Duel Masters.” Gasper spoke up.

RAITI: Why did you have to bring that up? Open those wounds... You know what? Screw it. Just summon the tentacle monsters.

ZAACRO: Oh, all right. Umm, tentacle monsters... heeeere. (roaring sounds are heard from a lake) Okay, I think that did it.

“Huh.” Issei said. “You’d think I’d remember an episode with tentacle monsters.”

“Really?” Kiba said turning to Issei. “That's your reaction.”

“We should be more worried about Kaichou!” Saji shouted. “I’ve seen enough Hentai to know where this goes.” He then realized exactly what he had said and blushed in embarrassment at all the stares going at him, especially the one from Sona burning into the back of his head.

RAITI: Hah! Now soon, you will deal with the many protruding tentacles of the violating tentacle monster.

SAJI: Don’t worry, Sona! I’ll protect you!

RAITI: I was talking to you, baldy.

SAJI: Wait, wha-- (tentacle monster grab Saji's leg) Oh! (tentacle monster grabs Saji's neck and starts pulling him away) No! No!! No not there! (Raiti and Zaacro are seen smiling) Whoa, God! Help me! Help! Aaaaugh--

“Ah.” Issei realized. “That’s why I forgot about this. No way am I remembering a guy getting violated by tentacles.”

“NOT LIKE THIS! NOT LIKE THISSSS!!!” Saji screamed at the scream absolutely horrified

(scene shifts to Saji waking up from inside the spaceship, screaming and taking deep breaths)

SAJI: (thinking) Oh God... Oh... Oh man... That was... that was terrifying...

1. OPHIS: (shows up next to Saji) I’ll say.

SAJI: NOOOOOOOOOO--

Everyone in the audience screamed even louder than the on screen Saji. If it wasn’t for the nature of the theater, the entire city block would be shaking.

Once they caught their breath, they slowly turned to Ophis, who remained unbothered, casually biting down on a giant lollipop.

[ENDING SEQUENCE]

[STINGER]

(scene shifts to Planet Namek with the camera panning up to Falbium's House)

BIKOU: (walks up to Falbium) Lord Falbium.

“Phew.” finally looking at Namek gorou said.

“Wow.” Sirzechs started to chuckle. “I forgot that Falbium here really let himself go.” he said cackling with Serafall joining in.

FALBIUM: Huh?

BIKOU: I have terrible news. Someone has attacked the planet.

FALBIUM: This is very serious. I must put on my war face. Hm! There, now show me yours.

(Bikou shows a serious face)

FALBIUM: Needs work.

“Frankly, that looks like and actual War face.” Vali said.

“Mainly cause the real deal is always so stupid looking Nya.” Kuroka chuckled.

“Aww shucks.” Bikou replied.

“Well, one thing’s for sure.” Irina spoke up. “All the filler is done, and in one episode this time.

“So next week,” Issei grinned.

“We’re landing on Namek!” the childhood friends cheered.

Once again, many thanks to everyone for following along.

It took a bit longer than expected, but we got this done with decent timing. Episode 13 will take a while longer. Not just because of how long it is, but also because I'll be focusing more on updating other stories. And let’s just say my next post will be huge. Patrons who read this early, you know what's up!

That’s it for now. Please Favorite, Follow, and Review. But most of all, thank you for reading!