Chapter Text
"I've learned that there is no healing in not feeling anything,
I'm just a cage of skin that threw away the key
To fall apart right now, that'd feel like ecstasy
but
These walls weren't built to break."
─ Citizen Soldier - Wish I Could Cry
Naruto woke to mind-numbing static, spreading through his entire body, and even as his eyes fluttered open, he was only welcomed by a blinding shade of white, forcing him to squeeze them shut immediately. A grunt escaped him, a displeased one at that as he couldn’t quite sink back into the same void he emerged from, a throbbing headache slowly but surely becoming more and more prevalent.
Where am I? - was the first thought that crossed the darkness, and Naruto slowly, carefully cracked one eye, attempting to get used to the sheer brightness that immediately assaulted his senses, the violent, sharp pang thundering through his skull as if someone had taken a hammer to it. As he slipped more and more into consciousness, the ache began to spread, thrumming through the sides of his neck, trickling down into his arms, his fingertips, every inch of him filled with it. The familiar sense of complete and utter chakra drain tugged on his limbs, yet somehow it felt amplified by a thousandfold.
Hesitantly, Naruto opened his other eye, staring up at what he now recognised as a sterile, white ceiling.
He’s seen it enough times to not know immediately; he was at the hospital. In Konoha.
Konoha… where was he before?
His mind lurched, fragments of memories stirring up, before it all came back to him, barreling through the haze of his half-asleep state.
Sasuke.
Sasuke.
Sasuke was gone.
Sasuke left him.
Inhaling sharply, Naruto sprung up on the mattress, though the blood at the back of his throat tasted like immediate regret. A pained cough escaped his lips as it became apparent just how little his body had to give right now. He now remembered why, but somehow the sharpest, most devastating pain couldn’t be tied to anything physical.
Unconsciously, Naruto’s fingernails dug into his palm as he clenched his fist, uncaring of the way every muscle set ablaze from the smallest of movements.
”If I cut our bond, I will become much stronger.”
It couldn’t be real. But then Naruto had every wound to prove it was. Whilst most of it had healed thanks to the chakra of the Nine Tailed Fox within, there was no cure for the way he had pushed his body and soul to its absolute limit. Even he knew he needed rest right now, despite that being the last fucking thing he wanted to do. He wanted to swing himself out of bed, and go after his friend, his comrade, his … Sasuke , because by the gods above that just never listened to him, it couldn’t be true.
Sasuke didn’t leave, he didn’t really, did he?
Because if he did, what would that make Naruto?
No, he didn’t want to think about that right now.
The longer he sat in the hospital room he now realised was completely empty, with only the unbearable taste of defeat and blood on his tongue to keep him company, Naruto’s initial panic turned to a deeper visceral anger. Anger that overrode sense in the moment, and before he knew it, before he could truly comprehend his actions, his legs sprung to action, and sent the blanket hurtling to the floor. He himself was to follow suit, moving to jump off the mattress. Who cared if he was spent? Who cared if he was injured? He’d bring back Sasuke with all his limbs missing, if he had to.
But then, as soon as he rose to stand, his knees buckled, and with a feeble attempt to catch himself on the nightstand, he yanked something along with him, though he couldn’t stop himself crashing into the cold tiles. Blinding pain shot through his entire body all at once on impact, and for but a moment he wished he could’ve passed out from it.
Fuck it hurt.
The noise must have drawn someone’s attention, because Shizune - where did she come from? - came rushing in, shouting his name, though the rest of her words faded to the pain.
“...shouldn’t be moving yet! You need to rest!”
“I don’t care, I need to find Sasuke,” was the response in the form of a growl, though when the woman’s hands gently pressed against his shoulders and arms to help him back up on the bed, he didn’t resist.
With some difficulty, Shizune lifted Naruto back onto the mattress, but even so, her presence didn’t feel real. None of this did. She spoke, but her voice became a monotone buzz, the room fading in and out of focus all of a sudden. A sliver of fear struck him, then, he finally realised what was happening.
“M’gunnapassout-” he mumbled before the room spun out of his vision into the void, and he couldn’t even fight its presence anymore.
─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ☀︎ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───
People have been in and out of Naruto’s hospital room in the next two days. Sakura, sweet beautiful Sakura had come to visit, along with Shikamaru, and whilst he had almost expected his teammate to have some choice words for him, or at the very least seem disappointed, the kunoichi had proven to be neither. The way she stood by the window, her voice had never sounded out so soft, yet so steeled with an undercurrent of something… determination, almost. She hadn’t for a moment yelled at him, called him any names, or even told him he had failed.
Instead, she had made a promise to him, as if Naruto deserved any such promise. She had swore she would stop relying on him from now. She had sworn she would do her part, as if she hadn’t done so much for them already. She had been the brains, the soul, the glue, the one to drag them down to earth, when they had been blinded by their endless greed to one up another. Perhaps her strength was not in battle, but when she had to, she stood her ground. Naruto loved her for it. And now she promised she would do more, and while he couldn’t have been happier for her newfound determination, a sharp sting of disappointment tore through him also.
At the back of his mind, the thought of having failed her to the point where she felt she couldn’t rely on him anymore had taken root, and spread like a rotting disease. He made her a promise, and he failed her. He had taken a team of his closest friends out of the village for this, and they had all given it their all. Neji, Choji, Kiba, Shikamaru had all done their part. Even Bushy Brows has, from the sounds of it.
They all did what they had to do.
It was Naruto, who couldn’t play his part the way he was supposed to. When it all came down to him, Sasuke slipped through the cracks and away from him, into the arms of that despicable snake. He wanted so desperately to cling to hope, to cling to the words of everyone else that had come to his room to speak to him.
If that weird pervert of a sannin was to be believed, he had three more years to track Sasuke down, and drag him back to the village. Sakura had already turned to training and bettering herself in order to help out.
Naruto still couldn’t swallow the shame of his failure. What went down in that clearing had never left his headspace, Sasuke’s words replaying in his mind over and over again, until the point where it barely felt like… part of his reality anymore.
Brief distractions from visitors were a welcome change of pace from the doom and gloom of his hospital bed, but as soon as he was left alone, the weight of the past week had crashed down on him all over again, and that sharp burning stab at his chest returned with full force.
The nights were the worst, he found. He had lived alone his entire life, and was no stranger to waking up in a hollow room or apartment with no one to seek comfort from after a nightmare. But then again, he never recalled having such nightmares. And never, not once before had he jolted awake, only to find that his gnarly dream was more, so much more than just that. It was real, so much more real than he ever would’ve wanted it to be, and at night, there was no distraction to draw his thoughts away, that scorching, searing pain in his chest demanded his attention, more than ever before. He was no stranger to it, it was an old, but unwelcome friend, one he had thought he left behind long ago.
It was a sense of betrayal, but also something agonisingly familiar. Loneliness.
For he had opened his heart to somebody, for the first time he had let someone in, truly fully let someone close to keep them by his side, and that person had turned around and told him that his love, that the very same bond Naruto considered a rope out of the darkness was all but a burden and a hindrance that held them back. Naruto once again had been cast back into that dark pit on his own, and he just. Couldn’t. Take it. He had been here before. He spent his childhood here, so many miserable years all alone, but after seeing what it was like to be cared for, to have more than just this emptiness, he couldn’t let it back in anymore.
And of course, he reminded himself that he was no longer on his own. He had friends now. He had a family that cared for him all the same. He had Kakashi-sensei, Iruka-sensei and sweet Sakura. He had the pervert sannin, he had Shikamaru, Choji and Neji too. He had Lee. He had that old hag Tsunade, and Shizune. All of these people cared about him now, he could call them his family. He even had that dumbass demon sat sealed away inside his body. Although he wasn’t any more happy about that arrangement than Naruto himself, that was neither here nor there though.
He almost felt ungrateful for this growing pit in his stomach, for the nausea that took hold of him every time he thought of the overwhelmingly large gaping hole Sasuke had left in his life when he deserted the village. There was something special about Sasuke, and Naruto himself couldn’t fully explain why, or perhaps he would’ve found it too much to go through explaining it again. They were soulmates for fuck’s sake, and Sasuke threw that all away, for that snake. All of it, like it meant nothing.
One night, he just couldn’t take it anymore. He had spent too long cooped up inside that goddamn room, he absolutely needed some fresh air, to just stretch his limbs out and feel a little bit like a person again, instead of a useless sack of potatoes he had been cosplaying for the past couple of days.
He had been given crutches so he could take himself to the toilet and back, and as annoying and embarrassing as they were to use, Naruto had to - begrudgingly - admit they were pretty damn neat.
Though the nurses never let him go any further than the shitter, even if Naruto had pulled out his most pathetic begging he was capable of, the answer was still a firm no. Knowing that Shizune would absolutely tie him to a bed - she’s done it before - if he acted up too much, he decided to comply, for the time being. But now, with the moonlight pouring in through the windows, and darkness befalling this particular wing of the hospital, he could… perhaps practice a bit of that shinobi sneakiness he was so great at.
Although realistically, there was no being sneaky with those damn crutches.
As soon as he waddled out into the hallway, he entertained the passing thought that the darkness seeping into the corners, nooks and crannies had perhaps reminded him of a horror movie, and maybe he had discovered a newfound irrational fear of hospitals at night, but his need to leave his room and stretch his legs had outweighed that meaningless little tingling at the back of his mind.
The clacks of the rubbered end of the crutches against the tiles echoed off the empty walls, and despite trying to be quiet, there was only so much he could do to dampen the sound of them, when he needed to put his full body weight on the damn things to support himself; and while he had no real concept of how his recovery was actually going due to the sheer amount of painkillers he was currently on, he definitely felt as though his limbs held more strength in them than the first time he launched himself out of bed, a couple of days ago.
Still, he should be out there, looking for his friend, not stuck in this stupid hospital with these stupid nurses, who wouldn’t even let him go anywhere else other than the toilets.
As he passed the other rooms in the corridor, he may or may not have felt a slightest hint of curiosity spark up within. He didn’t think to wonder about who he must be sharing a hallway with - until now - as he’s been much more focused on… the other aspects of his imprisonment.
He knew peeking in through the small windows built into every single door was probably… rude. But then again, he didn’t care. He wanted to know, damn it.
After pausing in front of the first door, he gripped his crutches a little tighter, then awkwardly shimmied himself up on his toes to be able to see through the grimy window. Imagine his disappointment though, when all that welcomed him on the other side was bellowing darkness, only rough, blurred shapes of furniture similar to the room he himself had been rotting in for days now… but no occupant.
Stupid hospital. Stupid injuries.
Stupid Sasuke.
He let out an irritated groan - maybe a little louder than he needed to -, letting his forehead drop against the glass in his utter exasperation. Maybe, just maybe he was hoping for another patient to be inside that room. Someone who wasn’t going to tell him off for wanting some damn fresh air.
Just as he was about to withdraw from the window, Naruto spotted some movement within the room.
For but a moment a spark of hope lit up within, only to wither away into cold dread as the figure emerged from the bed. Somehow Naruto had been convinced that whoever - whatever - was on the other side wasn’t exactly human. The way the dark silhouette moved, growing bigger as it approached the door, the young genin stumbled backwards, losing purchase on his crutches and fell right on his ass.
“A ghost!” he exclaimed, when the door opened, with such conviction as if he was stating that the sky was blue.
“What are you doing?”
The voice was familiar.