Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Travis didn’t know how he got here, he just did. The bright LED lights that showcased thousands of colors blasted his eyes. His heart was pounding harshly, breath speeding along with it. People were crowded around him, sweating bodies bumping into him as if he isn’t even there.

He looked up at the stage, the next band being announced. He didn’t plan to be here all night, but the name interested him to stay. “Please welcome Sertraline Filled Losers!” The audience cheered, and the blonde joined in.

He might actually enjoy himself tonight. However, as soon as the band stepped out on stage his face went white.

There he stood.

Pigtails were loosely hanging on the side of his head, ears full of jewelry was being shown off. His shirt was cropped, baggy jeans gently cradling his chubby stomach. His decorated sneakers were laced in stars. With addition of his mask, even Travis had to admit it.

He looked cool.

His eyes were illuminated by the stage lights. He didn’t even pay attention to the rest of the band. His eyes were completely stolen by one Sal Fisher. As the band played he bobbed his head to the beat. The songs seemed to be heavily entertaining to the rest of the crowd as they cheered.

Suddenly the rest of the band went silent as the bluenette stood at the front of the stage. He played his bass amazingly. Travis imagines this is how Johnny was with his fiddle from that old country song. It was almost godlike, actually scratch that.

Sal was devil-like and he was clearly proving it as he played. His one eye looked down at Travis, and the world was quiet.

The stare down was completely captivating. Sweat filled blonde locks were stuck to head and his braces felt like a tight leash around his teeth but that didn’t matter in this moment. The buildup of overstimulation was strung away from his mind and body as the blue eye locked with his own.

He began to push himself near the floor as he once again joined playing with the rest of the band, leaning himself towards the blonde in the front. He tilted his head, leaning even closer to his face. He could feel the breath coming out of the mask onto his face.

Travis’ face went a terrible shade of crimson, his mouth agape. Within seconds he retracted himself back to the others as the song ended. They took a bow and exited the stage on the left, returning to their seats on the grass near the sign labeled “BAND MEMBERS ONLY.”

He maneuvered himself to get closer to the area, without intruding. He stood awkwardly, staring at the ground as the next band began to play. With everyone else dressed extravagantly or at least somewhat alternative to what Travis would wear. He stuck out like a sore thumb.

His white tee and perfectly ironed jeans was the closest thing he could wear to- Crap. What kind of venue was this? He couldn’t remember. A loud whistle drew his attention to behind him. There was Sally Face and his band. Larry was smiling at him for once. His gapped tooth smile caused an odd feeling in his stomach. It made him feel sick.

These people were supposed to hate him right now. It’s the way it always was. He hated change, and especially this kind of change. Knowing these sinners at least somewhat tolerated him in this moment caused all the guilt to rush to his head.

Why was he here? Near them of all people as well. He obviously showed some disdain on his face, causing the brunette to roll his eyes. “Y’know when people smile it’s polite to smile back.” Travis never smiled that much. It was hard for him to push his inner self outwards.

He wanted to smile but that guilt was making it even harder for him to show it. “Cut it out Johnson, you’re gonna make me regret complimenting your little band of heathens.”

He smirked and tossed a drum stick in the air. “Wow Travis Phelps can enjoy actual good music? This some sort of opposite universe?” The blonde put his attention towards the quiet boy holding his bass. He swallowed the bile rising in his throat to talk. “You were good. I liked your solo.” What was he saying? Why he was such a weird little obsessed freak? God he wanted to disintegrate into a thousand pieces. Sal nodded.

“I noticed you were staring, ever seen a guitar in real life before?” He shook his head quietly, tapping his fingers on the tip of his thumb. The eyes of the group felt piercing with their judgment. As if he was transported to the gates of heaven and they were deciding whether or not he deserved eternal damnation.

Sal tried to clear his throat and continue the conversation. “I like the color, red’s my favorite. What’s your favorite color?” He felt like a kindergarten teacher taking turns with icebreakers to encourage the kids to socialize. Travis was like a scared little boy, in a scary place with nobody he knew around. Nobody but the group.

“Lavender. It’s my mom’s favorite too.” “That why you always wear that sweater?” He nodded quietly once more, and sat on the ground in front of them. Ash was applying some mascara to her heavily lined eyes as she talked, not clumping her lashes once.

“What brings you here anyways? Figured you only stayed in the church choir music wise.” He chewed on the skin of his finger a little more. “First of all, you don’t even know me Ashley. Second of all, I just wanted out of the house.” “Why?” “That’s none of your business, quit being nosey.”

She rolled her eyes dramatically. “Guess I’ll never care about your problems ever again.” He balled up his fists and gritted his teeth at that line. “I don’t have problems! Why does everyone think that?! First Fisher, now you?! I’m normal!” The group was astonished.

His outburst was definitely odd, but not because he doesn’t have them, but because the tone was different. It wasn’t angry or upset. It was desperate. He wanted them to believe he was normal. He wanted to be seen as a regular person.

Travis felt the heat flash to his face, his throat going numb as the tears tried to escape. He rushed away from the area and away from the crowd. He made it to the car, the one his father bought for him. He unlocked it and practically dove inside.

He finally let them fall. His throat burned as he wailed. It was such a loud, strained noise. It was pathetic. He couldn’t even hold himself together from a simple question. He wanted to peel his skin off and let his muscles touch the ragged ground, the nerve fibers screaming to his brain to stop. His face was soaked and red. Yellow strands of hair falling to his lap as he tugged at them.

His cries got louder, intensely escaping from his mouth. He knew why he had to leave the house. He knew that he has problems. That his family has problems. That his world has problems. These problems no matter how little, buried themselves into his stomach.

If he had a secret and secluded space, he would let them out, but only if. His brain racked itself daily, the noises pushing outwards inside his skin. Travis’ pity session was interrupted by a blue haired teen, mask gazing upon the window he knocked on.

He tried to shrink himself in the driver’s seat, but it was no use. He could tell that Sal knew he was in there, and most definitely saw his tear stained face. After a couple seconds of shaking and desperately trying to make himself presentable, he rolled down the window.

“I won’t bother asking if you’re okay, you obviously aren’t, but do you need some company?”

He couldn’t speak. The stress rose to his mouth, locking it. He simply nodded and unlocked the door. Why was he letting this freak into his car? While he was crying? God today is terrible. Sal stepped in and shut it back. He looked intently at Travis, causing him to look away.

“What’s going on man, I can’t just leave you to cry in your car.” The lock loosened at his voice. It felt smooth like the feeling of his blanket. “I’m just upset.” “Why?” His lip quivered. “I don’t k-know. I’m just being a baby.” He looked down and Sal immediately placed his hand on his chin and lifted it up. “You aren’t dude, sometimes we just need to cry.”

He wiped the tears off his face with his fingers. With a sniffle, Travis followed his eyes to match with the other’s. “Clearly you were raised wrong.” He turned to face the windshield and burrowed his face into his knees. “Boys don’t cry.”

The hand traveled to the cup holder, a bottle placed inside. “Drink this, it might help.” Without looking at Sal, he picked up the bottle and swallowed the water. It felt refreshing and tough all at the same time. His head hurt as he realized the dehydration that was occurring.

Sal took one last glance at Travis. “I’ll leave you be now, don’t worry I won’t tell anyone.” Before he shut the door the blonde croaked out a sentence. “Thank you Sallyface.” “You’re welcome."

Sal walked back over to the van, already filled with the band equipment. Larry gave him a look. "You saw Travis didn't you?" "So what? I said I wouldn't tell. Don't press." He sucked in the air through his teeth, making a small whistle. The car ride was anything but quiet.

The group was entirely giggle drunk. It was their first time playing a show with a crowd and the excitement clearly hadn't left yet. After making it to the apartments, everyone went into their respective homes. Except for Sal.

He followed Larry down to his room, adrenaline riding through his bloodstream. The smell of bleach and paint attacked his nostrils. As the door closed he took off his mask, wiping sweat off of his face.

Larry stared him in his face, smirking. "Don't think I didn't notice what you did man. Getting all up in his face. Trying to make your little dreams a reality?" Sal blushed and threw himself onto the beanbag. "Maybe. It's not terrible that I have a crush Lar." He snorted.

"On that blonde haired egotistical maniac? Yes it is." "Ughhh don't remind me. Let a man dream for a little bit. There's always a small chance he's projecting." He popped open a can of coke and took a deep fizzy swig. "Whatever helps you sleep at night, but I just can't have you getting hurt. Because if you do, I'm gonna kill him."

"No you won't, you're too scared." "That's what you think." As Sal undid his pigtails, the brunette pushed play on some movie in the dvd player. "What do you see in him anyway?" Sal bit what was left of his lip.

"He's nice sometimes, and he's a cute dude. His blonde curls? Absolutely gorgeous." "Grody Sal, grody. I'd rather have you fall in love with a soup can than him." He huffed and crossed his arms. "You don't even know what love is, not like you ever felt it."

"Sure haven't. Don't want to neither."

The movie played out quietly as the boys fell asleep, the fan humming along. It was cool outside. The autumn air was teasing the branches of every tree with wind. They swayed ever so slightly, movement illuminated in the moonlight.

It was truly peaceful for the last week of summer. Everyone was either relaxing, sleeping, or both. For a moment, the entire town of Nockfell stood still. Every home was quiet and all problems were dissolved into the pitch black night.

Every home except for the Phelps' family.

A woman's scream could be heard. She was on the ground, fearfully looking up at her husband. His brutish face is waiting for a movement. Some form of defense. He wanted her, not just that, he was desperate for her to act out against him.

Striking her wasn't enough. He needed another reason to prove to her that there's no escape. That he is the one in full control. Her legs were trembling as if she was seizing. She heard the smallest noise from behind her, and felt the dread pool in her stomach, like an anvil resting on her torso.

Travis tried to creep his way up the stairs, to avoid the sight of his poor mother. To no avail. "Where do you think you're going?" He stopped dead in his tracks and turned towards his father. He was almost as tall as him now. His throat was warm and ready to push any cries down.

"No where Father." He examined the blonde carefully, seeing his sweat stained shirt and his curls disheveled. "Where were you Travis?" He was scared. He tried to quickly think of a lie. "Just downtown." Malice dripped from his tongue as he spoke.

"Go clean yourself up, for God's sake you're filthy!" He quickly obliged and made his way to his room.

After showering, Travis laid down on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He touched his blanket, caressing the soft, plush feeling. All the other blankets in the house make him feel sick. Like there was something stuck in his nails.

The same thing was with the marble counters in the kitchen. It was too smooth. It made him want to cry. Everything made him want to cry. Even crying made him want to cry more. He felt like he couldn't do anything right because of his stupid emotions. His voice took his thoughts out loud, in a mousy whisper.

"What is wrong with me?..."

Chapter Text

The morning was chilled, attacking the nerves on Sal’s arms. The hair raised up and shocked his eyes open. The icy atmosphere was uncomfortable, leaving no chance of going back to sleep. He rubbed his eye and pushed himself out of bed.

The sky was as bright and gray as a tombstone in the daylight, fog swirling around the apartment complex in a ghostly manner. Even with fall approaching he still felt odd in this weather. Nevertheless, the day had to go on.

He knew school was starting soon and dreaded every second that he remembered. The shower was his first instinct with all the excitement last night, it felt like the sweat was slime covering his entire body.

Water dripped down his hair as he scrubbed away the dirt, blue fuzz returning back to his wavy locks. Sal finger combed the best he could, tossed it into a bun, and threw on the cleanest clothes he had. The mirror was foggy, but the outline of his scars was still mildly visible.

That day was still engraved in his mind. It made his heart heavy, as if it was dropping into shoes constantly. The burden of knowing that his mom put him before herself chained him to the past without a key.

Before he could drown himself with the thoughts of his face, he buckled his mask. As he flung open the front door, the air gave him a chance to breathe, it felt fresh. Turns out Sal woke up earlier than usual. He could see his father getting into the car for work.

A wave signaled him over to the car, a cheerful smile with a scruffy beard hanging off of it.

"Hey kiddo, how was the show? I’m sorry I couldn’t catch up with you afterwards. It was date night with Lisa.” He chuckled a little, awaiting his son’s response.

“It was fine. You’ll never guess who was there!”

His eyebrow raised, “Who? Alice cooper?”

“Oh my God I wish! But no, it was Travis!” Henry clicked his tongue in confusion.

“That Phelps boy? I thought that rock was recounted as devil music. Actually that might be changed now, I haven’t been to church since you were born.”

He nodded quickly.

“He was alone, I think he snuck out.” The older man pretended to plug his ears.

“Well I didn’t hear anything! Anyways, I’m gonna be late if we keep chatting. As you kids say these days, I’ve gotta bounce!”

As he pulled out of the driveway Sal fake gagged and waved his father goodbye.

“God he’s so corny.”, remarked Larry. He didn’t even notice the brunette behind him.

“Dude it’s like six, why are you up?” He rolled his eyes.

“Don’t say that, makes me seem lazy.” The boys made their way inside, ready to spend their time enjoying the last days of vacation.

The internal alarm clock awoke Travis. He stepped out of bed and put on his house shoes. The kitchen was cleaned and empty. He felt bad about sighing in relief, knowing that this meant his mother had no sleep, but he couldn’t help but feel better knowing his dad would be in a slightly better mood today.

He poured himself a bowl of cereal and wrapped his hands in his sleeves to avoid touching the counters. He was determined to make it all day without crying, and leaving his skin to touch that surface would be nothing but self sabotage. As he ate, he let his brain wonder and dive itself into scenarios. Not just scenarios, but fantasy.

He could feel it once again, he could see it even. The lovely house that was at the end of the street. The lights shone brighter than they did at home, and the air was thin, being stirred by laughter. He was the one laughing at a joke that no one would remember in an hour.

He couldn’t tell who told it, but it didn’t matter. He was more comfortable in this place with these people he’s put through social torture for years than anywhere else.

Somehow they aren’t angered to see him. The environment is entirely docile. With a look to his left he once again sees the bluenette. Mask adorned with drawings and stickers. His heart lurched even at the vision. If looks gave heart attacks, he would’ve been a dead man.

It made him ache that this could never be achieved. Not unless he was willing to let his soul be put through eternal suffering. Still the thought made his cheeks burn. These thoughts and fantasies were to never leave his head, that was his main principle. No one is trustworthy and never will be. Trust is for airheads who think the world is all sunshine and rainbows. Travis didn’t get a chance to think like that his entire life.

Nobody else should either, wouldn’t be fair.

He knew that group of misfits all trusted each other. They all probably think they’re the coolest when they’re nothing but a bunch of punk losers. God did Travis want to be a punk loser with them. As breakfast finished, the blonde changed into some outside appropriate clothes. It was awfully cold outside for summer. He enjoyed the cold however.Sweaters were his trademark in fashion.

A taller man approached him in his doorway.

“Where do you plan to go?” His breath picked up.

C’mon Travis just answer his stupid question. God why can’t you make your mouth work? Despite the noise in his head violently attacking his subconscious, he was able to speak.

“Just to the park Father. I just want to keep myself entertained.”

“Be back by dinner.”

His father voice felt like having the tag on a shirt rubbing against his shoulders or when the texture of his noodles were just a bit too slimy. It made him want to scratch at his skin until the feeling went away. The green sneakers slipped onto his feet perfectly, just the way he liked.

As the morning air swirled around the boy, he actually felt like he was enjoying his walk. He was tall and slim, it made him stick out like a sore thumb. As if his bright blonde hair didn’t do that already. He hated dealing with it but he felt pretty having it. Even as shameful as it is for a boy to feel pretty.

The park closed in on his gaze and he tried not to rush, hiding his excitement. As soon as his knees his the grass he was at peace. Pulling the grass was a habit he never quite let go. He didn’t understand why he like it, but in a strange way he didn’t need to. It felt good and that was all that mattered. With each blade, Travis deepened into his mind. The pulling was second nature at this point.

He was interrupted by a girl. Ashley.

He was confused on why she would be here so early, and why on Earth would she approach him?

“Hey Travis, just wanna thank you for showing support at the show yesterday.” He nodded quietly, continuing pulling at the grass.

“Got something on your mind?” This sentenced triggered him intensely.

He wanted to apologize, but he didn’t wanna seem like a wimp. He breathed in deeply.

“I just wanna say sorry, for everything I’ve done. I’ve honestly been feeling the guilt the past couple of months. Just didn’t know how to say it.” Why was he actually saying it?

What happened to trust no one? It was completely thrown out the window the second she approached him. It’s like he instantly stopped caring. She was flustered mildly.

“Really? I’d never think that you would actually apologize. Just figured you got bored.”

He scoffed. “I didn’t get bored. I just stopped wanting to hurt you guys.”

She smiled, showing off the gap in her teeth. “Well since you’re sincere, I forgive you. Let’s shake on it.” He seemed hesitant to touching her.

“C’mon dude, won’t you shake a poor sinner’s hand?”

He shook her hand limply, and smiled back. It felt nice to hear her forgive him. She joined him in the grass and watched silently as he picked and pulled.

“Do you wanna come and join the group?”

He felt exasperated? Did she really mean it?

“They’re right over there you can come hang with us today, not like there’s anything better to do.” And with that a frown tugged on his face. Why would they want him to actually be in their group.

They were the 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 rocker kids who hung out it corners and alleys, and he was the preppy rich church boy who was in the ‘popular crowd’. It’s not like he wanted it that way, but that’s just how it was for him. Hanging out with them for today wouldn’t be so bad, though. He stood up and motioned for her to lead the way to where the group was. He looked at them carefully, studying them. After deciding that they weren’t joking with him, he sat on the rocks next to them.

They were smiling, they were smiling near him. Near the biggest bully they’ve ever had.

“You’re not so bad out of school, Phelps. You’re nice and quiet away from that place. How come?” Travis ran his tongue over his braces and stared at the ground.

“I don’t know.”

At school he was a different person, he had to be a different person. Why? God he wish he knew. Sal made a cutting motion near his throat, signaling Larry to quiet down. The blonde tried not to look his way, knowing he would be stuck staring once again without fail.

The boy had that quality to him, for different reasons than why Travis stared. Most stared because they found him quite strange. His prosthetic was eye-catching to everyone that was near. The blonde stared in admiration, they stared out of shock. The group continued talking and he got lost in the moment. It was very smooth and enjoyable, however he was shocked back into reality by a paper touching his fingers.

He quickly turned towards the boy who had slipped it, facing a mask. He frantically picked up the paper and read it.

“Apologizing took a lot of guts dude. Also are you okay from last night?”

Travis took the pencil from him and scribbled his response.

“Thank you, and yes I’m fine. Thanks for helping.” He passed it back.

Sal read it and began writing again.

“Glad to hear, and I’m happy you’re coming around finally. Thought it would happen way faster after what happened last year.”

The blonde wanted to take a jab back at him, but quickly decided not to. Wasting your only chance is nothing but a braindead decision.

"I just wanted time to decide. You guys are kind of intimidating.”

As the bluenette read it, he smirked under his mask. “Aww how sweet of you Trav!”

The exclamation point was dotted with a heart. The blonde didn’t bother writing back. He shoved the note into his pocket and tried to contain his smile from Sal calling him sweet. That one word drove him crazy, it made him want to scream and kick his feet like a little girl.

He had to wait to do that, until he got home. It’s not like anyone here needed to know that anyways. The boys eventually joined the conversation and talked with everyone.

They all had a lot of similarities, all except Travis. He was destined to be relevant to them, to seem some form of cool.

“I, uhm, I like that rock music you guys played. I would like to hear more.” Larry immediately piped up.

“That was Metallica. ‘For Whom the Bell Tolls.’ I have some cds that you can listen to if you come over sometime. I think you’d like Whiskey in a Jar too.”

He felt his breath speed up and his mouth curled into a smile. “I’d like to listen to music with you guys.” And with that, the group was off to the apartments, with a new addition.

Chapter Text

Limerence. A state of involuntary obsession with another person. The experience of limerence is different from love or lust in that it is based on the uncertainty that the person you desire, called the “limerent object” in the literature, also desires you.

Since limerence is the desire to be desired, it is a cognitive, as well as physical, and emotional experience. As the focus of limerence is whether or not the object of desire reciprocates the feelings, rather than actually falling in love with the person, it is almost always one-sided. That’s what any psychologist says anyway. God why couldn’t this whole thing go away.

When he saw the quote-unquote ‘therapist’ in his fathers office that’s what he called it. Limerence. The word made him shudder. He went into his obsession using as little details as possible. Especially the detail about the gender of this limerent object.

Friends. Something he didn’t really care for. Something that was unnecessary to his life. Not like he could make much anyway. Something about him was different, and everyone could tell. They hated him for it and he felt entirely helpless about socializing.

He hates the idea of even interacting with others, but here he is. Walking to a building he’s never been to, with people he barely knew, and a boy he was in love with. The adventurous fire in him was entirely snuffed out from the beginning, as if done with an emotional flour.

Both of these things he’d never thought he would have issues with. Considering he didn’t know what one of them was until about a week ago. He glanced over at the almost-shortest of the group. Being beaten by Todd, only by around half an inch or so.

Regardless, Travis noticed. He notices everything. Just not emotions to his dismay. Just looking at him made him want to die. He wishes he knew how to grab his attention, romantically. If he had it, he’d never let it go. Nobody else knows that except for himself, and hopefully not God. He didn’t need to have another reason to banish him to the dark, fiery pit of torture his father warned him about since he was just a boy.

He tries everyday to convince himself that it’s innocent; it’s a gamble that it just so happens to be a man he’s obsessed with. Gentle sin is still sin at the end of the day, no matter how rose-tinted those glasses on your face are. That is the motto his father gave him.

Doesn’t change how much he needed it. He was beyond repair. He wanted to feel the love from Sal underneath his fingernails. He wanted to feel it in the air. He needed it to occupy his ears like sweet gentle music.

Speaking of music, he’s supposed to be paying attention to the song. He can’t. All he can focus on is the head of blue hair rocking back and forth. He seemed to be in sway of the music.

Wasn’t exactly like the song they played. Was more upbeat, he forgot what genre Larry called it.

“Dude the clash is one of my favorite punk rock bands.”

“It’s way more new wave man, maybe post-punk if you wanna push it.”

With that, both of the brunettes were arguing. Sal giggled behind his little mask. It was tantalizing. The sound of his cracked voice was barely audible against the music, but Travis could tell.

He knew how to decipher his voice throughout anything. Even in crowds. No matter what he could immediately tell when Sal was talking. The blonde didn’t even notice he was picking at the carpet until hid finger pricked something sharp.

He sucked his teeth deeply, eyeing the cause of his pain. A small tac. The sound of paper folding alerted his eyes upwards. He stood up to put the tac back in the poster, but he stopped. The poster wasn’t just for any band, it was for Sal’s band.

The album cover art was actually very interesting. It was a charcoal drawing of all of the members, outlined with a painted version of the skate park downtown.

The words at the bottom read

“I thought maybe if I told you how I feel, things could be different.”

He froze. His body sunk into the floor. This has to be a coincidence right? Nobody read it. Nobody. He threw it away way back didn’t he? He turned towards Sal.

“W-Where did you get this from?”, he asked gesturing towards the quote.

“Oh dude, it was from a random letter I found on the ground. Seems like some dude is really going through it. Especially with his dad.”

He sucked in his bottom lip, biting it.

Why didn’t he check to see if it was fully in the trash? What if someone knew it was from him? God, he’s such an idiot.

Sal was reading some lyrics in his little notebook, editing them as he went along. Despite not ever singing, he was good at writing lyrics. If he sang, it would be muffled. And he’s super insecure about his voice anyways.

This song in particular, was a love song. He avoided pronouns and tried to make it more towards the second person. Hinting at who he wrote it about would be self-sabotage at it’s finest. The only person who knows is Larry, and even he pokes fun at him sometimes.

It’s a little odd though, isn’t it? The guy who made his life horrible for years somehow turned into the love of his life? He can’t recall when the switch happened; he just knows it did and there’s no going back.

Glancing over at the blonde, he blushed behind the mask. He seemed so clueless about all of the cds and the music in general. It was adorable. Something about a guy who didn’t know anything about one of his biggest interests, and choosing to learn about it made his heart lurch.

He watched as he fiddled with one of his golden curls while sorting through discs. The hair piece felt comforting today. Not sweaty or frizzed out, just perfectly curled to match his fingers. Eyes darting over album covers, noticing the violent and often vulgar art. His father would curse most of these, calling them satanic. Everything was satanic at his home. Everything.

He drowned himself in the copious amount of visual stimulation, far away from the real world. So far in fact, he didn’t notice the rest of the group had left. All except for Sal, who seemed to be scribbling in a pad of some sort. He cleared his throat, catching the boy’s attention.

“Hm?”

Travis silently handed him a CD. The cover art looked to be hangers in a rusted yellow room, with letters too small for him to read.

“Oh! Nine Inch Nails. One of my favorites. I’ll play it for you bub.”

The nickname made him smile. Nobody ever gives him nicknames. Not good ones anyways. The music started up, a unique noise pulling him in. It sounded like waves. The lyrics are what made his jaw drop. He covered his face in embarrassment. The bluenette Sang along.

"I wanna fuck you like an animal" He made full eye contact with Travis. The way he looked at him felt hungry. It made the blonde's face burn. Sal let out a chuckle. “Figured you haven’t heard this one before. It’s Closer.” He nodded, once again silent.

He’s never made it this far into a proper conversation with Sal. Not without it starting with the blonde in tears. The way the boy looked at him stained his mind. Stained his body too. He felt the blood that rushed to his face rush to other areas as well. Quickly, his legs snapped shut.

Chapter Text

His body jolted, cheeks burning harshly as he tried to ignore it. The embarrassment was washing over him like a crude wave of ocean water. A small giggle escaped from Sal. “This too vulgar for you, Phelps?”

He rolled his eyes. “W-Well it’s disgusting!” The stutter didn’t help Sal stop laughing, it made him laugh harder. “You should see your face right now, it’s like an old victorian man seeing an ankle for the first time!” Travis scoffed loudly. “Sorry I have some decency when it comes to these things! This music is just, wrong! Sinful!”

It seemed like Sal was serious, halfway serious anyways as he responded. “Just like love is sinful to you, isn’t it?” He glanced at the ground. “I wouldn’t know.” Sal laid back and looked over at him. “What was your first kiss like?” The blonde couldn’t pick his head up off the ground.

“I haven’t had one, neither a girlfriend. What about yours?” “Haven’t had mine either.”

Staring at the ground, Travis spoke. “I guess sometimes relationships don’t go that far.” The bluenette chuckled. “Never been in a relationship.” “You’re serious?” He seemed genuinely shocked. Gesturing to his mask, Sal responded. “With this thing on all the time nobody has stepped near my direction romantically. I’ve always been sort of the single friend. Pretty sure I always will be.”

He’s never seen Travis express any sort of major emotion, besides anger of course. It was odd, really odd. Maybe it’s from his own feelings, putting the blonde on a higher pedestal, forgetting he’s human. Didn’t make sense no matter how he put it inside of his head. In some odd way, Travis was feeling empathy for him. He had to be. His expression was soft and his eyes showed he was thinking heavily.

His eyebrows were upturned ever so slightly, his tongue running over his braces, pondering something. The blonde wasn’t feeling anything close to empathy, though. He was almost excited. Something about knowing that Sal wouldn’t understand his affection or his own special way of flirting, made him smile. He never smiled all too much. But right now, he was smiling in his own way. “You’re not ugly, Sally Face. And your personality isn’t too unbearable.” Sal’s eyes lit up.

Nobody has ever really talked to him like that before, nobody that wasn’t family. It felt nice to get someone to care, someone who wasn’t inclined to say things like that to him. He squinted his eyes, signaling a smile. The silence in the room was gentle, like an ocean almost, washing over the boys. Travis scooted closer to where Sal was sitting, not even bothering to acknowledge how close they were.

The blonde picked up a sharpie laying on the ground, doodling on his hand. Drawing stars and crosses and little smiley faces, all in his favorite color. Purple. Without breaking the silence, he reached over and drew on Sal’s hand, circling the chipped black nail polish on his fingernails. The world seemed softer, quiet. The bluenette spoke up. “I meant what I said last year, we don’t have to be enemies. We could always be-” He was interrupted by his house phone ringing, quickly rushing over to answer it.

Travis finished the sentence in his head. Lovers. We could always be lovers. The empty feeling in the pit of his stomach returned. He had gotten so used to it, he never even realized how much of a nuisance it was. He wanted his heart to go back to fluttering, he felt alone. Was it too much just to want to feel okay? Even for just a second?

He chewed on his lip again, pulling at the loose strands of carpet as he would with grass. He felt like an ignored child as Sal talked on the phone. He needed something to grab his attention. Glancing over at the glass bottle on the desk next to him, he pushed it off.

Surprisingly, it broke even against the soft carpet. Sal immediately turned around, rushing to Travis’ side. “Are you hurt?! God, i’m sorry. Larry always leaves things hanging around.” With a small shake of the head, he went to focus on cleaning up the mess. Travis smiled slightly as Sal cleaned up the glass. He felt loved for a moment, nobody ever went that fast to check on him. Not even his father cared that much. Then again his father never cared much at all.

It was so hard for him to explain his feelings. He hated everything about Sal. His stupid mask, his whiny voice, his ripped clothes, his music taste, he hated it all. Yet somehow, he fell in love. After ridiculing him, beating him, talking about him like the scum of the Earth, he still managed to fall in love. It wasn’t Sal who was making him turn to filth. It was himself.

He was the reason his father beat him and hated him. Sal had nothing to do with it. He’s just an awful person. For once in his life, Travis felt sorry for his father. He has been a godly man all his life, with a worthless queer for a son. He doesn’t deserves this. Even with how he dressed, how he talked, how he ignored the words of God, Sal would be a better son than him, because at least he could take fault for himself. At least he cared about people. At least he could make it through the day without breaking down because of noises or an itchy sweater. At least he was normal.

His train of thought was thankfully broken by the click of the phone going back into the wall and the thump of Sal’s boots against the floor. His eyes squinted into a smile, and he went over to the floor with Travis, holding a small needle in his hand. His heart raced, he hated needles. “So I was thinking, how about we give you a piercing? You might like it-” “There is no way that needle is going to pierce anything one me. My father would kill me. Literally.”

He thought for a moment. “How about we give you a nice shiny jewel on a place he won’t look. Maybe your belly button or your eyebrows, they’re always covered by your bangs.” He sucked his teeth lightly. “Bellybutton? Isn’t that for, y’know, homos? No offense.”

Dramatically, Sal gasped and laid back. “How could you Travis?! How could you use such a word!” He smiled and rolled his eyes. “Are you just forgetting who I was freshman year?” “Maybe, I like to see the good in people.” After thinking for a moment, the blonde responded. “I like the thing you have in your ears, I think they’re called studs. Can you put that on me?” “More like in you, and yea. Just depends. Pick bellybutton or eyebrow.”

“Bellybutton.” Sal snickered a little bit. “The one for homos? Alright. Lay back and I’ll get the stuff.” Travis laid down on his backside, pulling his shirt up slightly. He’d be a liar if he said he wasn’t terrified. Sure, his father wouldn’t see it but still. He was excited through his fear, though.

The door opened slightly as he watched the smaller boy carrying a bottle of alcohol with a shiny gem, cleaning it off gently as he positioned himself at the end of the bed. “Take a deep breath, you might feel a pinch.” This warning didn’t stop a yelp from Travis.

Chapter Text

The small gem stuck out of his stomach, light mildly reflecting it. A single tear stung Travis’ eye. He looked over to Sal, ear’s littered with gemstones. How on Earth do people sit through this?
It was painful. Not like he’d admit it though, he needed to seem strong, tough. Even with a shiny diamond in his naval. To his surprise, there was no blood. Not a single drop. “You okay man?” His voice was twanged slightly.

Not like in the way most people around here are. It’s not a southern accent, but it’s something. Something…Different. “I’m okay, no big deal. Uh where are you from?” His eyes scrunched into a smile.
“Jersey. I’m from Jersey.” He dropped his shirt back over his stomach, making him clench his teeth.

“Ooooh yeah. You’re gonna be sore for a few hours, wear something baggy.”
With the pain startling him, he began to get angry. “I don’t have anything baggy.” Sal smirked mildly. “Does your daddy make you wear clothes that fit, or are you trying to show off your muscles?” Sal was immediately met with a scoff.

He stifled a giggle. “I just wear what I’m given! Wearing baggy clothes probably feels disgusting anyway.”
His eyebrow raised behind his mask. “Feel disgusting? Baggy clothes are amazing, man. Here, try this on.” He was handed the shorter boy’s sweater that was hanging off a rack in his doorless closet.
Travis looked over the design.

It was almost tie dyed, but with bleach on black material. In the middle was a clear design of a blonde man, with a disgustingly large amount of makeup on, holding a bone. The sharp, bolded words at the top stated: “Stay Hungry”.

The design was nice at least, but he was sure it’d be uncomfortable. He looked at the neck and waist line. No tags? This was certainly new. Letting his curiosity take over, he pulled it on.
His brain was altered forever in that moment. It was soft like his sweaters, sure. But it was so gentle, barely grazing his skin. The feeling was absolutely wonderful. Sal could tell just how nice it was for him.

“Feel disgusting?” Embarrassed about his earlier claims, Travis shook his head, pressing his fingers below the sleeves. It was cooling yet warming all at once. It was magical. That's a stupid way to describe a sweater, sure. But it doesn’t change the fact that it was the truth.

Travis reveled against the soft plushy material of the hoodie. It was just long enough to go past his torso, but was wider than he would normally wear. It makes sense, Sal wasn’t exactly a skinny guy. His stomach was just pudgy enough to push him into XL sizes.

The blonde didn’t mind, as long as he kept getting comfortable clothes. He back tracked immediately. This is a one time thing, he is not, I repeat NOT, going to take Sal’s clothes. It was a stupid thing couples did, and they were not a couple. And to Travis’ dismay, will never be.

Sal watched as the taller boy snuggled against the sweater, eyes barely staying open. It was kind of cute. Okay that’s an understatement it was SUPER cute. This is what he saw every time he looked at Travis.

Even when he was screaming in his face, this is what he saw. A curly headed teen boy, who just needs to relax. He thanked God that he had the mask in that moment. It successfully hid the blush on his right cheek, sitting only there because the other one was torn to shreds.

After a brief moment of silence, Travis coldly asked, “What would you do if I died?” Sal was taken aback. What was he supposed to say? Such an odd question! He can’t leave him unanswered, can he?
“Uhm, I’d probably cry, really hard. Get some flowers for your funeral.” The blonde cocked his head to an awkward angle.

“Why? Why would you care?” His brain was overcome with confusion. “I walk all over you, I ridiculed you for years! I’ve punched, kicked, choked, I even stole from you! Why would care if I dropped dead?”

A pale hand with chipped nail polish grazed over his own. “Because I love you. That’s why. I don’t have a clue why I haven’t turned against you, but I can’t change. I won’t change.You’re just going through some stuff right now Trav, it doesn’t excuse your actions of course, but surely it explains it. I know you’re just taking it out on me. I notice the fresh bruises whenever you’re towering over me, beating me to a pulp. I notice the tears in your eyes. I can hear you whispering sorry as the teachers break us up. I know you’ve never meant it, I always have.” Travis was staring in dead silence.

“I know you could never feel the same. I know all about the paradise you are waiting for once you die. I know your beliefs.”

He couldn’t react, he shouldn’t. A reaction would ruin the moment. Yet, he needed to react. He needed to speak. He needed to spill his words against Sal’s brain and perception like cold ink on paper. He wanted to inject his feelings into the veins of the shorter boy, get under his skin the same way he stuck himself under him. There was nothing between them, air was practically useless as the both seemed to be holding their breath.

Nothing to hinder Travis’ confession. It would be perfect, but it won’t. Travis would go to fiery pits of torture for eternity if he spoke that into reality. He would be tied down, body melting.
Travis heard of Hell through his Sunday School teachings.

You’re entirely alive as they mock you, they beat you, they choke you-. Similar to what he had put Sal through. He deserves to be put through hell. The war of the mind is never quiet, and in his mind, siege is constant.

There is never a moment of peace that isn’t followed immediate pain. Even in the eye of a hurricane, you are still well aware that you are trapped in the storm. Even in the silence and the welcoming presence of Sal’s room, he is trapped. The storm won’t stop for more than a moment.

Time doesn’t stop for nobody. As much as you claw and scratch at the fabric of time, days pass, moon rises. As he opens his mouth, he throws it away. The need for peace, the endless wait for heaven, the endless wait for the end of torture. It’s worthless waiting.

“I want you to understand Sal, I would walk through Hell, dealing with eternal punishment from Satan himself, as long as I can walk with you. Christ has never done for me, as you have. You are more my savior than any God in any book I have read. I love you too.”

The two stared at each other. Sal was absolutely flabbergasted. How could this be true? Travis hated him, and barely tolerated the friendship? This couldn’t have been an overnight decision. He thought back to their past altercations.

The way he looked at Sal during class, across the lunch room, in the hallway. All those looks of hatred, truly were longings of love and affection. They always have been.

All it took was a simple detour in the park, a quick moment of eye contact, it led to this. His deepest secret being shared. His feelings that were only ever conjoined to paper, had been heard. The moments went by like hours.

“I-I don’t know what to say. I never thought that you would feel the same way I do.” “I don’t, my feelings for you are more than love. They’re more than any sort of affection can handle.”
“What are we?” Friends? Lovers? Enemies? Stupid teenagers struggling with emotions? The possibilities are endless. For now, lovers seemed to make sense, wouldn’t it?

Fate grabbed Travis’ throat by its talons and forced out an answer. “Can we be together? Like together, together?” Sal nodded quietly.

Chapter Text

The two sat in silence, staring at each other. The awkward tension in the air was snuffed out by the loud entrance of two brunettes.

“Dude I am never going to that gas station again, I can’t believe he called us hooligans.”

“Lar, you have 50 chains hangin’ off your belt, long greasy hair, and worst of all, you literally reek of weed. I would call you a hooligan too.”

“Nice to know you’re on my side, Ash”, Larry stated sarcastically. They were like brother and sister, only difference in them being the looks.

Ashley had fair skin, eyes a light shade of green, whereas Larry had a deep tan in him. He was her brother from another mother, that’s what she said anyways.

Their attention derived from arguing and focused more so on the two boys sitting on the ground.

“What are you losers doing, did you miss us?” Sally Face nodded, trying to push himself back into who he was before this whole ordeal happened.

He thought he was doing great in convincing them everything was normal, but having faith in his smokescreen was idiotic.

Ash immediately began to ask questions.

“You’re acting strange, Sally face. What happened?” The two boys made eye contact once more, unsure of what to say.

“Nothing important, but it’s almost dinner time. You should go head home.”

“No, I can tell something’s up.”

Like an aggravated dog, whose only objective was to protect his owner, Larry looked over at Travis, his glare cold enough to freeze his heart.

“You do something, Phelps? I swear to God I will-”

“Stop. Now Lar.”

“Don’t lie to me dude, did he screw up again?”

“No! He didn’t!”

“I know you don’t have the heart to speak bad about Travis in front of him, but tell me! Did he make you upset or something?”

Sal snarled as he spoke, “I said no Larry, God can’t you listen to me for once?”

His brown eyes widened, turning his attention back towards the blonde. He mouthed “What did you do to him?!”, before storming out, his combat boots slamming down the carpeted hallway.

Ashley looked at him in confusion. He never called Larry by his real name unless he was serious.

As she stared at the blue haired boy, he changed in her eyes.

His small frame seemed to stand taller, oddly. His mask no longer was a cute
mysterious prosthetic, it gave off a murderous aura, quite similar to a slasher film.

Sally face was doing it again. He does this on the daily. He “switches”.

These switches change him entirely, they always do. Love and hate are never split up, and any awareness of emotions to the people around him? Gone. It’s always gone.

He’s like a completely different person when it happens, it’s almost psychotic how he acts.

Her slender frame closed the door as she walked with a sway, she knew it would be terrible if she stayed. Those switches never lead to anything good.

The blonde hadn’t ever spent a lot of time around him, but he knew. He knew that this was odd, something was wrong.

Sally face is never angry, is he? He’s quiet, sweet even. Caring and always looking for someone to help. This wasn’t Sally Face. This was his shell of himself.

This was Sal.

His eyes met the icy blue pools resting inside of the boy’s skull, frightened mildly.

“What’re you looking at me like that for?”

“You’re…different.”

Sal scoffed.

“Oh? So you ‘notice it’, too? Are you gonna tell me that ‘this isn’t me’, too?! God all of you, you act like you know everything!”

“I’m not acting like I know everything, you just seem upset.”

“I’m not freaking upset!”

Tears fell out of the holes in Sal’s mask as he wailed.

How? How could he switch up so easily? And why? Why did he snap?

Questions were zooming through Travis’ brain, so fas the didn’t even think to comfort his new boyfriend.

Tears stuck to his scarred up skin as he glance at the blonde.

“I-I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it!”

The cries continued, as he tried to explain himself. It was no use. Travis hated him again. A half hour of dating and he’s already ruined it. Like he ruins everything.

Travis was in a state of shock, how was he supposed to fix this? He’s never seen anyone like this.

Sal began to claw at his arms, shaking like a wet leaf. This panicked the taller boy even more.

Blood lightly began to appear at the red marks, it didn’t stop him. If anything, it made him go harder.

Immediately, the blonde grappled his hands onto the other’s. Pushing them down with enough force that Sal yelped.

“Stop that, you’re hurting yourself.” He was entirely monotone. Sal tried to move his hands, he felt powerless.

He kicked his legs up, only for them to be held down with a knee.

“I’m not letting you go until you calm down.” Now this was a personality switch, Travis was never this caring.

Sal stopped fighting, he took some deep breaths and made eye contact with the blonde, trying his best to seem calm.

The taller boy climbed off of him, letting him get a chance to sit up. He began to speak only to be shushed.

“Don’t talk. Your voice sounds grating when you're upset. Just sit down, and stay quiet.”

“B-But-”

“Hush.”

Sal finally obliged, remnants of himself coming back. He was down to Earth once more. Fully collected.

The lights appeared to dim, the room feeling much less evocative. The air was once again chilly and comforting. The switch had gone.

Sal had returned back to Sally face.

All with the help of Travis Phelps, the same man he was obsessed with.

Little did he know Travis was just as obsessed with him, if not more. Little did he know the blonde lie awake at night thinking about him, hating himself for being in love. Little did he know that he was all he looked forward to.

Little did he know that with this final week of summer, Travis was going to change him forever.

Chapter Text

The walk home began with a fall. Not literally. Travis didn’t meet the ground physically, but with the way his body moved, he might as well have. 

His weight had sunk itself into his sneakers, each step feeling as if he was moving an anchor. 

One secret, just one more to add, he can do this, just two more years and then he can run off. As the large house in the distance became nearer, his confidence evaporated. There was no way in heaven or hell he was going to make it. 

Seeing his father’s face, sitting at the table, even just laying in his bed; he couldn’t hold it in for that long. He just might do what he’s never done before.  Spill. His. Guts.

Even things as simple as being a little upset over lunch days switching, anxiety over a test, or being sleepy was kept a secret. None of these are crimes, but they feel like they are. It’s almost an instinct to keep everything from his father. 

His heart fluttered around it’s cage in a state of panic, pushing the body further and further into the house. It was only a few more steps, then everything would be okay. 

1…

2…

3…

4-

“Travis?”

There it goes again. Ruined. Travis turned around quickly to meet the eyes of his father. 

“Yes sir?”

“I drove by the park, you weren’t there. Mind telling me where you wondered off to?”

The cage grew tighter, locking his heartbeat into his chest. The beating made it’s way into his throat, his eyes, his God forsaken mouth. 

“I am speaking to you, young man.”

His voice was cracking further. 

“I wanted to see somewhere new. Just on that side of town.” 

Hand on wrist contact was nothing new, just a small warning for things becoming physical.

“You didn’t think to ask me?”

“No sir.”

His wrist fell limp as his father pushed past him.

“I don’t have time to deal with something as juvenile as your decision today. Just clean yourself off your hands are filthy.”

Travis let out a breath once Kenneth had turned the corner. Just for today it seemed like he could relax. At least in one of the days of  ‘summer vacation’ was actually relaxing. 

The fan on Sal’s ceiling was bleak as his mind wandered to the same question Travis’ did. 

God what is my obsession with him? 

Was it his hair? The way his blonde curls fall around his face in the most perfect way ever?

Is it his little frizzy pigtails? The way they bounced with him?

Was it his braces? Colored red just like Sal’s favourite color?

Is it his prosthetic eye that he fiddles with whenever he’s bored?

There’s just something about him…something I’ve been craving for all too long. Something that’s mine now. 

The boys were so eerily similar, they just couldn’t understand it yet. The words from earlier, solidifying some form of relationship, danced around Sal’s mind.

He didn’t say outright that they were like, in it, right? They weren’t exactly together, even if he said that. Just more of a situation than it is a relationship. 

They’re going out, not dating. That’s it. 

Oh that was an awful thought wasn’t it? He’s so close to what he wants, to what he’s been needing for so long, and it’s barely anything special.

Now there’s something to know about Sal, he can’t stand not getting what he wants. There’s just something that’s itching his throat. Something that’s telling him he needs to push further. 

Something that’s telling him to get whats his, at any cost. 

Keeping this secreted just wasn’t working, he gripped his walkie talkie and waited to hear Larry’s voice.

“What Sally Face? Over.”

“There’s something more that I haven’t been telling you, something more about Travis. Over.”

“I’ll be right up.”

Travis wasn’t usually the type to enjoy music, especially the music that Sal liked to play, but today was unusual already. 

He shifted a small cd out of his pocket, something he snatched from the crusted bedroom of one Sal Fisher.

The CD was obviously not sold, rather burned. It was labeled “Jamz”. 

What a dumb name for a tracklist 

He gently pushed it into his walkman, trying to make as little noise as possible, and pressed play. 

The first track was odd, but not horrible. This girl really wants to go to the carnival. Most of the tracks were sung by women who clearly had a less than favorable opinion to men. 

Not half bad. 

He flipped the disc over, to his surprise it was Sal’s band. 

He recognized some of the tracks from the other night when he heard them play.

Sal’s voice had a little bit of yearn in it when he sung. It was such a lovely sound that Travis replayed the same track over and over for about an hour. 

He couldn’t contain his smile, as cringe as that was. 

The words begin to blur together as he memorized the boy’s voice.

It was so gentle, with the warmest depth that felt like a blanket protecting him from the outside world. Eventually, Travis let his brain change the words that were said.

They changed into his favour, into what he wanted to hear from Sal. 

Nobody is a perfect conversationist, but most have at least a suitable way with words. 

Most of them anyways. 

The way he spoke today, the passive aggressiveness, the annoyance in his voice, oh how he knew it hurt Sal. 

He was terrified to actually go with him, to become official; even in private. 

Travis’ brain was torn on his feelings for him, and for once God didn’t have a place in the debate. 

It was him and his emotions, emotions that couldn’t agree on a damn thing. 

His life story will depend on these emotions, he knew that well, but he couldn’t decide where they started or where they’ll end.

His story didn’t start when he was born, when he joined the church, when his dad first hit him, nothing like that. 

In this moment, Travis fully believed his story started when that punk came to Knockfell…

When he enrolled into that forsaken high school…

…

And when he stole his heart. 

Once again, he fell metaphorically, letting his heart drop into his feet as he lie awake.

He needed something to occupy his cramped headspace. Something like school, which was just around the corner.

School was his escape, a place where he could put on a persona and people would actually believe. 

He seemed tough, never crying when he got punched or kicked; stone cold. Nobody has ever seen him cry. Except for his father. 

…

And that stupid blue haired nitwit Sal Fisher. 

This crush is hitting me harder than I ever thought possible…

Chapter Text

The clock buzzed harshly, snapping Travis out of a well deluded sleep. Dreams of blue faded and the bleak reality of his bedroom set into place.

He glanced over his wardrobe, searching for anything that wouldn’t be itchy or long or annoying.

Travis didn’t have a wide variety, but there was still some difference. He settled on blue jeans that were straight legged and a long sleeved fitted black tee.

Not too itchy, and the closest thing he had to loose.

His blonde curls fought with his brush, as he tossed them to the side and tried to tame the volume. He looked like one of those edgy goth kids.

He decided to break his routine today, going for a middle part.

Travis hated change, but this was okay.

From teeth brushing, to breakfast, everything went smoothly and without mess.

For Sal Fisher, it was mirrored entirely opposite.

He woke up the same time Travis was biking to school.

Sal tossed in his glass eye, and gently moisturized his scars with an aloe lotion.

He counted every torsion as he rubbed, keeping until he made it to 56, the exact number of scars on the right side of his face.

He attempted to brush his teeth, avoiding his bruised gums from his previous operations. They still stung from the mint, even with how many times he maneuvered the brush.

The throbbing in his mouth retained all throughout his 30 minute montage of getting ready.

He tossed on a Bikini kill shirt, zipping a black coat over it. His jeans were baggy and a chain had been left on since the last time he had warn them.

He buckled his mask, taking a deep breath before looking in the mirror.

“Not half bad.”

All that was left was his hair, with 7 minutes to throw it into something.

He decided a simple ponytail would do, and rushed out the door with his old backpack from last year.

At this point both of the boys were halfway to school, halfway to heaven, and halfway to hell.

As Travis chained his bike, he hit his stomach lightly against the handlebars, causing a stinging sensation. Just with his luck, Sal scampered by him.

“Is that healing well?”

“Just fine.”, he muttered.

Now this, isn’t something Sal takes, not now when he has what he wants. He followed him right along to the cafeteria.

“Geez, aren’t you going to hang out with your flamer friends?”

His smile shown through the eye holes in his mask.

“I think I like this flamer the best!”

Travis quickly whipped around, thankfully not a soul heard that.

“Get away from me, before people know.”

“Excuse me? Am I supposed to keep this secret?”

Travis glared at him.

“Yes? That’s the most obvious thing ever. I can’t let anyone know about who I am.”

His lip wobbled.

“So it’s like we’re nothing…”

Travis felt awful, hearing the sadness in his voice.

“No it’s not that, I just wanna keep it secret. We can be together as much as you want after school.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

The promise of idealistic attention brought Sal right back up to being happy.

They each rummaged through their schedules, looking for matching classes. Not like Travis would admit this though, he just happened to leave his schedule in Sal’s sight.

It’s not like he hoped to see him more often through the day.

It turns out that their classes lined up almost perfectly, except for 2 periods. The first two periods.

Struck perfectly for Travis, and for Sal, well it wasn’t ideal.

It really struck a nerve for him.

“I can’t believe this, how hard is it to swap these classes?! I can’t do english before science, it’s immoral.”

“I have a feeling it’s not about the class timing, is it Sally Face?”

He rolled his eyes.

“Of course it is! What else would it be about? Me wanting more classes with you?! God you’re so gay.”

Travis was taken aback, in a good way. He chuckled lightly and pulled Sal into a noogie, something he used to do whenever he didn’t wanna hurt him too badly.

“I thought boyfriends gave kisses, this feels like bullying.”

“I said I loved you, not that I was going to stop tormenting you.”

The bell rung loudly, piercing Travis’ ears. He covered them promptly, before pretending like it didn’t hurt.

Pressure started to build up in his stomach, with every touch of stimulation, there was a touch of hurt and discomfort.

As second period begun, he was about 75% full of stress.

Every mention of future assignments made him feel like he was running out of time, like he was off schedule. He hated being off schedule.

An announcement was made over the intercom, calling him up to the office.

“Travis Phelps, Report to the School Office immediately, bring your things with you.”

This was the worst thing ever. Everyone stared as he managed to get out the door without crying.

The office felt like it was a thousand feet away, a man meeting his vision outside of the door.

The man was easily recognizable.

It was his “therapist” who was really a youth counselor at his church. The same man who keeps reiterating that there’s something wrong with him.

Travis shoved his hands into his pockets, glaring at the man.

“Let’s just get this over with.”

Sal tapped his pencil, fiddling with the bits as he tore it apart.

This place is awful. He felt like he was being ignored, even thought Travis had a choice. This didn’t change the fact that he needed him.

He was starting to get angry. Really angry.

This is not the time nor the place ot throw a temper tantrum. About his boyfriend who he’s been dating for a day nonetheless.

He was already shaking, ready to scream, but he had to hold it in.

Just for another half hour, and then he’d be in class with Travis! His weird, wonderful, and distant Travis.

Sal had been in love for awhile. 1 year, 8 months, and 21 days to be exact. He locked eyes with him, with the love of his life, and immediately tripped and fell head over heels.

Sure, Travis’ first reaction was a slur and a shove, but it was something.

His love had always been there, a little disgusting, but there.

It was exploitative, and horrid, but it was all he could have.

He felt a tap on his shoulder.

Sal spun around to meet Larry’s eyes.

“Dude where were you? We were supposed to take the bus together.”

“I took the earlier one, I just wanted to be on time for once, nothing special. Why are you asking? Do I seem weird?”

Larry was confused.

“You’re not making any sense man, I’m pretty sure you need to be alone to be honest. I’m just gonna step back, okay?”

“Perfectly fine.”

Sal moved his head back, buzzing back to his work.

Now this was strange, no matter what Sal always wanted to talk to Larry, there was something different about him today, something Larry felt a need to ask more about.

Something he felt very bad about.

Something awful sneaking into Sal’s heart.

This something has an O in it.

Obedience, Observance, obstruction,

…

Obsession.

Chapter Text

The walk to class was short, perfect for Travis’ weak legs. First Day Jitters or some other shit they tell kindergartners. It surely was jittery, though. Maybe it’s a real thing. 

This room smelled thickly of linen, a pleasant smell to Travis. It felt dry, and edible. He liked the fact that he could taste the air. He ran his tongue over his braced teeth, gathering the flavor. 

Whether it was obvious or not, he didn’t care, his eyes stayed glued to the door. He waited for one Sal Fisher to waltz his way into the classroom. 

Surely enough, blue hair bounced into the room, choosing its spot directly next to Travis. 

“Hi!”, his voice came out as if he was jumping. Blushing, Sal covered the front of his prosthetic.

“Wow…Major voice crack.” He chuckled lightly and tried to play it off. 

Travis’ eyes lightened up, as he pushed a hand through his blonde curls. 

“How was first period?”

Sal straightened his back to have the same level of nonchalance that the blonde carried. 

“Easy. Barely noticed it to be honest. Other than some jackasses who wouldn't stop and listen to the teacher. Everybody wants to rule the world I guess.”

“Hopefully this class won’t be the same, y’know I’ve heard good things from the counselor. Seems perfect for the two of us.”

Red rushed to Sal’s face. The two of them?!

“Haha, yeah.” His voice stayed smooth, trying its best to not let on any emotion.

The teacher seemed to drone on and on about class precautions. It felt so dull and repetitive, as if it was puncturing the bad of Travis’ skull. 

As usual, his hand rushed to his hair. Twirling the curls was such a pleasuring experience. The environment always had a way of calming whenever he felt the pressure of his fingers across his scalp. 

Surprisingly, there was no pressure building in his stomach yet. It was almost comfortable. He sighed in relief, trying to pay some attention to the teacher. 

Sal did the exact opposite. He zoned in on Travis. Blonde curls perfectly framed his face, he wondered if he had some sort of bangs. If he chose to bleach his hair, surely some customizing to the length wouldn’t be an issue. 

His eyes stopped on the crook of his nose. It curved lightly, not in a natural way. It wasn’t grotesque. Everything about Travis was down right gorgeous. However, it still was unnatural. As if it was broken and never properly healed. 

Sal slid his foot over to Travis’, gently pressing on the toe of his shoes.  A smile crept onto the blonde’s face. 

In his head he hoped that Sal would get closer. Just an inch further would be nice. To feel their shoulders touch would be so enchanting. To feel him. 

Sure, physical touch had gone further, but there was nothing like the sweetness of gentle intimacy. 

Papers were passed in front of the two boys. Just locker combinations, supplies needed for the class, and afterschool clubs. Nothing interesting Sal. 

Of course, nothing interested Sal more than Travis. More than his new boyfriend. More than his secret boyfriend at that. 

He reached his leg out a little further, setting it to the left side of Travis’ foot. 

The blush crept onto his face more, as his teeth began to join the smile mentioned before. The bell rang, causing the smile to leap away from his face and leaving him distressed. 

Travis quickly shoved the aforementioned papers into his school bag, rushing out of the door. 

The distress seeped into Sal’s mind as well, seeing the way Travis immediately left him. He tried to match the boy’s pace, only to be left behind some more. 

As he made it to the spot right behind Travis, he knew what he had to do. He dramatically fell onto him. The blonde looked at him in anger, only to see genuine pain in Sal’s eyes. 

Or at least what he thought was genuine pain. Sal was doing whatever he could to keep Travis’ attention on him. 

He helped the smaller boy up, assessing him for injuries. 

“I’m fine, just a little sore…”

“I’m so sorry for not watching where I was going! Are you sure?”

“I promise I’m okay Travis.” His eyes showed a smile as Travis’ worry began to ease. 

The blonde walked slower to keep Sal with him. The lights were still so bright, but thankfully there wasn’t much of a stretch to the next classroom. 

Sal stopped at a door, holding Travis back with just a hand. 

“What?”

“Please wait a little.”

“Sal, we’ll be late!”

“I know a spot behind the stairwell, I wanna talk.”

Travis sighed, stopping to look directly into Sal’s eyes. 

“Skipping class on the first day isn’t ideal Sallyface.”

“Did I ever tell you I hate ideals?”

“Father will kill me if he finds out I skipped!”

“I have a 504, it says I’m allowed to leave whenever and I’m allowed a ‘comfort person’ or whatever. You just need to follow me and you’ll be okay. There’s a whole reward for helping out disabled kids.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure, Larry does it all the time with me. I already set it up right before school ended last year. You’ll be fine sweetness.”

Travis’ cheeks burned a little brighter at the nickname as he ran the options through his head. Skipping class feels so adventurous, and his upcoming class seemed so dull. What did he have to lose?

“Alright, I’ll come with you. I swear to god if my dad finds out, your ass is mine.”

“It hasn’t even been a week and you’re already talking about my ass, guess I’m just that intoxicatingly attractive”

“Sal lead me to wherever you wanna go before I strangle you.”

“Kinky! I like it that way! Anyways, it’s down here.”

Discreetly, Sal gripped the blonde’s hand and led him over to a stairwell near the music department.  

Travis looked down confused. 

“What is this even about? What did you want?”

“It’s dark here, nobody is around to see either.”

“And?”

Sal pulled his mask down, unbuckling it slowly. 

Seeing Sal’s face, Travis’ breath sped up and made a loud thumping noise in his chest. He licked his lips lightly, trying to appear chill. 

“Look at me in my eyes, tell me what do you see?”

“I see blue.”

“What more do you see?”

Travis tried his best to not stare at the scarring laying across the boy’s face. It was lovely but right now wasn’t the time. 

“I see beauty, what else do you want me to say?”

Abruptly, Sal pulled Travis’ face down to his standing.

“I want to taste you Phelps.”

“U-Uhm…Okay.” Travis shook lightly, pressing his hands on Sal’s lower back and pressing his lips against Sal’s face. 

His tongue felt like it was cuddling the blonde’s. They rubbed against each other ever so gently, occasionally licking the other’s lips. 

Sal pulled his face away, racing down his neck, leaving gentle kisses pressed against the skin. 

Travis holds his head in place, using just his right hand. He breathed heavily, trying his best to comprehend the situation without freaking out. 

Sal kept kissing and licking the same spot of his neck, leaving tingles in his skin. His eyes lowered, almost in a dizzy trance from the feeling. 

The hand left the back of Sal’s head, prompting him to explore the collarbone area of Travis further, lightly pressing his teeth against the skin. 

In a quick moment, Sal pulled off, making eye contact with Travis again. 

He frowned and gestured for Sal to continue, only to be met with reprimands. 

“We can’t go any further right now, try to make it to my house tonight. I’ll give you a little bit more.” He chuckled as he spoke. 

Travis let out an audible gulp. 

“A-Alright.”