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Life was hard, then you die. That was something the humans had lived by for their years on the earth. You woke up, worked, went home, slept and did it all again the very next day. Again and again until you dropped down dead. The Titan often wondered what that was like, to live so consistently, doing the same thing every day until you died and someone else picked up where you had left off so suddenly. How did it feel to live so purposelessly. To live and never be fulfilled, to live without care, or with too much care, for some of them.
It was a concept that fascinated them to no end, humanity, and the disaster that they had left behind. Sometimes, they felt rage. Or something that was at least similar to it. They were a highly intelligent being, one made with the intelligence of their matriarch, to feel and express, to think and understand, a creation unlike anything before them. A carefully crafted and put together assembly of wires, gears, circuit boards and data, programmed to learn and express, to fight and know, to understand but not feel pain and suffering. A TV screen that was carefully programmed and cleaned, specially made to display the emotions on the screen that glowed with a bright light.
To understand but never feel.
At least, not until now.
Now, they were feeling everything, almost too much, a mixed collection of conflicting thoughts, feelings and unknown questions that they couldn't find the answers to that kept their servers on, data that mashed together in a mocking feeling of uncertainty. Questions that had no logical answers that kept finding their way back into their thoughts like an uncurable virus that was hacking and rooting itself into their systems, making their data malfunction and their fans pick up a pace that felt almost akin to a human hyperventilating.
Maybe, perhaps, if they had tried harder, fought better, knew what was happening, they could've prevented it. Maybe he would still be around, maybe it wouldn't be like this, maybe this human feeling wouldn't be attacking their internal workings like a virus.
Was this was humans said guilt felt like? Or grief? Were they feeling grief or guilt, or perhaps a agonising mix of the two. It went on for days, they knew that much, the feeling that left them weak, until they started to dread turning on in the mornings. They still went on though, they tried harder, they did everything they could and more, just to fill up the hole that the guilt was wearing into them, that the lonely longing of grief and anger was digging into them like a worm deep inside.
It hurt, how they couldn't forget it, how they couldn't forget the fall of a friend and ally and the uncertain pain that came with the aftermath, how they could save one but not the other. The questions of fault that weighed on their mind throughout the days afterwards.
They wished they couldn't feel so it wouldn't hurt so much.
"Titan."
There it was. The familiar sound of their leader, their matriarch's voice ringing in their head as they looked up with a weak smile, a morning greeting as she set aside a clipboard that had been handed to her by the faction's scientist. She looked almost worried, an expression of concern behind the screen that glowed a light shade of purple, a colour that the Titan had long since started to associate with her, to the point of comfort. The flowers they would sometimes see in rare occasions of finding untouched land that had that colour or hue, lavenders and peonies that echoed the purple that their leader was known for, often giving them to her, delighted by the smile that she would give them when she received them, putting them in a vase on display with a sense of pride.
They looked down at her, offering out their hand for her to step onto, which she did without any questions asked. Her hands behind her back as the Titan, her creation, her baby, her love, brought her up to their face, so that they could really see each other without complications.
Once there, she stepped forwards, the feeling of her shoes on their hand tickling slightly as she leaned forwards and rubbed her hand along the corner of their screen, an act humans would've seen as rubbing their partner's cheek with their hand, an act that the Titan had long since learned was a demonstration of affection and care, love and careful touches.
"You seem troubled." She said after a few moments of silence, the sound of her voice putting them at ease, "What's wrong?"
They didn't respond for a few moments, trying to figure out the words to say, how to put the miles of aching fear into a short sentence that she would understand. She was patient and after a few moments of silence, they responded.
"I feel hurt."
"Physical or mental."
"Mental."
She made a low noise, almost like a soft humming before a soft expression appeared on her screen, one of emphatic understanding and gentle expressing, a soft smile and a worried look as she wrapped her arms around his thumb, an act of affection that was the closest they could get to hugging in that time.
"I understand." She responded, her tone low and soft, as if she was speaking to a crying child who had been left alone in the rain, "It is not exclusive."
"I know, it is hurting other more-"
"Hush, dear." The leader interrupted them, pulling her embrace away and looking up into their screen, "It hurts. Personal interference with unknown consequence of injury. You have every right for sadness."
"It is not wrong?"
"Quite the contrary. It will be okay."
"I'm afraid."
"As am I. It will be okay."
"Do you promise?"
Hesitance. That didn't fill the Titan with reassurance, instead making a feeling of anxiety swarm their servers to the point of a feeling of shutdown, the other seemed to pick up on this and a feeling on a hand against their face brought them back to reality, as they looked at their leader, fear flooding their screen in a single facial expression.
" :[ "
The Matriarch made a small noise, almost like a sigh, almost like she was letting out a deep breath to calm herself before attempting to speak again.
"Promise?" They repeated, a small sound that made them sound like a young child begging for comfort in the face of uncertainty and pain.
"I promise. It will be okay. He will be fixed. It will not hurt forever, I will make sure of it."
"Don't go."
"I would never." She responded, a fierce tone behind it, as if she was trying to empathise how she wouldn't leave, wouldn't disappear, would be there until the ends of time, "You seem tired."
"Everyone's counting on me."
"They can count on you later. You need to recharge. The other Titan can deal with everything for now, can he not?"
"But-"
"No." Authority. "Take this as an order, my dear. You need to rest and recharge. I will stay with you until I see you fit to go back into action, but until then you will stay here."
"Will it not effect the battle?"
"That can wait, you are of more importance to me."
The Titan lifted their other hand and patted their lover gently with a finger, resulting in a chuckle coming from her, paired with a look of adoration and love that the Titan loved seeing, a look of pride and loved that made their smile come back in a shy look down at her, a thank you for being here, a thank you for the love and care, the delicate care that she gave them without judgement, the love she provided them to keep them going and the nurture that reminded them that they weren't alone.
"You have a beautiful smile, dear."
" :D "
"There we go, there's my baby."
"Your baby?"
"Yes. If you approve of being called that."
"I approve."
"My baby."
" c : "
"Rest. I will take care of you."
They trusted her. It wasn't hard, not when she had provided them with nothing but nurture and love throughout their creation and existence, not when she loved them without conditions.
They let their servers wind down to sleep, without the feeling of fear haunting them this time, instead of fear and anxiety, it was comfort and security.
"I am proud of you."
They smiled.
It was nice to be loved.