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Belarus always saw how her sister changed. She always saw. When they were young kids, when Papa was fighting for the revolution against the Whites, against grandmother, against everyone, Russia had been sweet and happy, albeit very cautious and suspicious of anyone that claimed to be allies with their father.
Luckily, they had had Ukraine as the older brother to deal with stuff like that.
So she and Russia were hidden. They were able to have a kind of decent childhood. They'd play, they'd draw, read. Normal girl things. Ukraine would teach them how to properly do things like folding clothing, cooking, prepping food, how to fly. He was helpful.
Then Papa met Weimar. All three children could see that Papa and Weimar seemed to be good friends, so none of them minded when Weimar would come over and stay for a few nights 'when things got bad.'
She only realised that meant what it meant years later.
But anyway, Weimar would stay, and he would also teach them things. Particularly Russia. He taught Russia how to draw. That's why Russia was very good at drawing. That was one of the few things she was always complemented for, by all people, including her enemies.
She hadn't realised that to Russia, she had viewed as Weimar as a sort of.. father to her. As Papa didn't have much time for them, due to him being a fairly new country, he needed to work a lot at the start.
When Weimar would stay, she'd ask, "Why do you not work?"
Weimar would laugh softly, as he braided her hair, "That's because my government prefers to do it for me."
And she'd accept the answer, not realising how much of a shitty situation Weimar was in.
Another thing Weimar often encouraged was to play football. But because Russia was a girl, the other boys often didn't want to play with her, because she'd be bad. But Russia had always persisted, and often ended up being better than most of them (which was probably because she was a CountryHuman, so she was naturally stronger than most human children).
Russia had even started wearing the boy version of the pioneer uniform more than the dress that she wore. It was weird, Russia would tie her hair up tight, put on a hat, and it looked she didn't have long hair. She'd go put on shorts, a shirt, running shoes, and go play football.
But one day Weimar disappeared. He didn't come to stay anymore, Papa never mentioned him, Russia didn't mention him, Ukraine didn't mention him. It was as if he had vanished.
Russia had become quite quiet after that. It was obvious she missed him, but she never mentioned him.
She stopped playing football after that. She never stopped drawing.
When Weimar was there, she drew more lighter things, happy things. With light, warm colours. She'd draw Ukraine sleeping next to the trees during summer with a pretty sunflower loosely in his hand, she'd draw Belarus mid dancing in all of her pretty traditional clothing with her scarves and everything. She'd draw herself with their pet bear, Misha. She'd draw Papa in full uniform, saluting.
Only once, did she draw Weimar.
She drew him staring right at the audience and smiling. He had a gentle, pleasant smile on his face. One that made you feel safe.
Later, Belarus found that was the only drawing of Weimar that had him smiling. Any other drawings or pictures of him were always sad frowns, or a completely neutral expression.
After Weimar vanished, she drew darker things, things that had made Belarus scared as a child.
They were disturbing. The only drawing Belarus could remember was a drawing of Papa. It had Papa leaning on the table. He had a small bottle of pills in his hand and a cigarette in his mouth. The smoke almost waving at the audience. That was the first time Russia had used black for anything other than outlines, as before, she didn't like using black. That was also the first time she had written on her drawing. In the corner it read, 'Papa is sad'.
Papa had never seen that drawing, as Russia had hidden it and only Belarus and Ukraine had ever seen it.
Then the meeting with Reich had occured. They were teenagers then.
Reich had also started coming over to stay with Papa often. Sometimes Papa would go to his. They seemed like friends. Kind of.
No one liked Reich. He was cold, he didn't smile, and when he did, it was creepy, and he had sharp, serrated teeth. His uniform was all black, and he blended into the shadows, which just made him more unsettling. His voice sounded sharp and his eyes were a glinting silver. But Papa seemed to like his company, so Ukraine and Belarus endured it. Well, Belarus endured it. Ukraine had stopped liking Papa for a long time now. He'd stopped calling him Papa, as well. He called him Soviet.
Nonetheless, contrast to all of this pointing at Reich being a threat, one day, he'd offered to teach Russia how to paint, as he'd seen her drawing.
Russia had immediately accepted. Belarus was scared with how much time Russia spent with Reich for that year. He had taught her how to blend paint, different types of strokes, how to make textures, everything. It was scary, how Reich had almost started being like Weimar.
Russia had been the only one other than Papa that had ended up really liking Reich. Reich was gentle with her, his smiles were soft, and he never smiled with his teeth showing around her. He'd take his cap off when talking to her. His voice was softer when talking to her and his eyes would be less intense. Russia had looked up to him.
So his betrayal had hurt. It had really hurt. It had hurt both Papa and Russia.
Papa had been extremely lonely. He'd always been lonely, so Reich had been the easy company Papa had needed.
And Russia? Russia just needed a crutch. Papa was there for them physically, but he was absent emotionally. So Reich stood in, somehow.
During the war, Papa hadn't been able to fully function for a week after that. But after that last Wednesday, where he'd been keeping to himself, he suddenly took full charge. That first Thursday, Papa had given Belarus strict instructions to hide deep in Moscow. Then he started strategizing and working on the war. Ukraine had fought, as he was 19, by then. He was very helpful, as he was a skilled sniper. Then there was Russia.
Russia had fought brutally. She was only 17, and technically didn't even need to fight, as she was a girl. But she had insisted, much to Papa's displeasure. She was ruthless with a gun, and somehow even worse with a sickle. She had purposefully gotten a sickle that wasn't real metal, then let it marinate in water so it rusted. She had caused so many amputations due to the rusted sickle.
Russia had become quite feared in their own army. They had often deployed her to the front lines, with her rarely ever being too injured, due to quick healing and simply being incredibly fast.
She had used the wings she always hid in that war. She had never used them before. But she quickly picked up flying again quite easily. She flew fluidly, and quickly, shooting down soldier after soldier whilst occasionally going down to help a fellow soldier, and then stabbing Germans.
But she had once been caught in a battlefield that caused many deaths. It was while the Germans had been going after St Petersburg. Russia had learned ballet there. She had immediately insisted she go defend.
So she had gone.
A tank had gone on fire. Without thinking, she rushed into the tank and shoved out the last two soldiers in there. She had managed to get out, but barely, and heavily burned. Her quick healing had managed to heal the smaller burns, and she'd hidden her face, so her face had healed, but her arm suffered.
Even as she had managed to escape, several Germans had managed to shoot her badly in her other arm, as she had shielded her face with it.
She had healed in a month. But the scars remained. Her left arm was almost completely covered in a burn mark, and the other had more than fifteen bullet scars just on her bicep. She had more on the lower arm. She didn't know the full extent of the burn mark. She just knew it covered her entire arm. She didn't fully know how many bullet scars Russia had.
Belarus hadn't known about any of this the entire time to happened. When she had found out, she had cried and sobbed, hugging her sister tightly. Russia hadn't reacted.
But nonetheless, they had won. But only in war terms.
Papa didn't talk much to anyone after that. He stayed quiet, constantly working or reading. He smoked a lot.
Russia also didn't talk much. She had cut her hair short, so she looked more like a man now, whether she meant to or not. She was quite muscular as well, due to the war and how much she trained and worked out after it. She never wore girly things anymore, contrast to Belarus, who adored dressing up femininely.
Russia also never smiled anymore. Even at Belarus. She had PTSD episodes sometimes, she often had auditory hallucinations, where she described she'd hear screaming, gunshots, fire crackling, tanks shooting.
It was like Russia had just switched. She'd been awarded with many medals, due to her devout service, but she had never been the same after that horrific war.
She drank alcohol a lot. She smoked a lot. She became almost mute. Belarus felt alone with Ukraine in that time. Ukraine had also been heavily affected, but he hadn't completely switched off. He had stayed with Belarus, being the good, helpful older brother he had always been.
Belarus felt terrible for him. He'd gone through so much trauma and starvation due to Papa, and he still loved and comforted Belarus for the smallest things. He was perfect and kind.
And then they had met the East Bloc countries.
Ukraine started to ignore Belarus more, whether he meant to or not.
But it didn't matter, because he only hung out with Poland and Hungary. They had become his best friends.
Russia even started making a friend. She talked to East Germany a lot. He seemed quite like her, stoic, quiet and good at drawing and painting.
They seemed more like siblings than her and Russia. That was one of the first times Belarus had ever felt true jealousy.
East and Russia would constantly be together. They'd draw, they'd paint, they'd talk, they'd make each other food. East had comforted Russia when she had broken down in an episode. Russia had comforted East when he had broken down cause he'd had to shoot a little girl.
To make things worse, Papa had finally relented in the nagging of his government to allow them to set up a state sanctioned marriage. It was for image.
Belarus had listened in and heard a government official say, "It will be good for you! Citizens will be pleased to see a happy man, his wife, their son and two daughters!"
Belarus didn't want to be thought of as an object meant to bring hope and comfort to people she didn't know. She felt more close to the Belarussian people, obviously, but nonetheless didn't want it.
But her opinion was worthless, because soon enough a woman arrived at their house. She looked a bit nervous, but was overall quite nice and polite. She had taken an obvious liking to Ukraine, as it turns out she had been born in a small village in the Ukrainian SSR.
That didn't matter though, because no one really liked her. It wasn't her fault. Belarus and everyone knew that. She just wasn't there at the right time. Maybe if Papa had agreed to it immediately, they would've been fine with it. But Russia especially despised her, often being quite horrible.
Papa hadn't stopped her, ever. Even when Russia would very obviously snap at her.
The poor woman just dealt with it, keeping herself busy with reading. The last time Belarus had remembered her family had been happy was when Weimar was there.
Weimar and Soviet had been good, happy friends, Ukraine, Russia and Belarus liked him.. everything had been nice. Weimar's disappearance had ruined everything.
Sometimes she found herself angry at Weimar for vanishing. But then she was told that he had been murdered. By Reich.
Russia had also found out, but she hadn't reacted much. Despite loving both Weimar and Reich as father figures of sorts.
Ukraine had been distraught when Poland and Hungary broke free from the Warsaw Pact. He had fallen into a deep depression, as when Chernobyl had exploded, they'd helped him through the sickness. They'd helped him through the fights with Soviet. They'd been the best friends he could've asked for. And they were gone.
When East merged with West Germany, Russia had become obsessive with always watching Germany's movements and speech, sometimes picking up things that only East said and did. That obsession had ended when she saw that East hadn't fully died, and half of him was definitely in Germany.
And to Belarus, it didn't matter. Nothing really mattered. No one cared about her anymore. And so when Papa said that he wanted Russia and Belarus to go to the UN Christmas party, and not stay home, it didn't matter. It was just Papa trying to push them away because he hated them. He hated his daughters.
So when Russia and Belarus got home, it wasn't surprising to see all the lights off, except for the light in Papa's office at home.
Russia immediately went to check on her father. Unlike Belarus thought, Russia actually did observe her, Ukraine's and Papa's behaviours. Belarus didn't understand why Russia had immediately busted down Papa's door.
She had understood as soon as she saw what was inside. There was Papa, lying down on the table, with a bottle fallen next to his head. There were no pills in the bottle. And there was a cigarette loosely hanging from his slightly open mouth.
She had screamed. Russia had not. Russia had stared. She had hugged Belarus, she had whispered and murmured comforting things. She had brought Belarus away from the room and sat her down on the couch, making her some tea, all while their father lay dead on his desk.
Once Russia had given her the tea, she had, without a word, walked back into Papa's office. She cleaned up his bed, put his already cold body on the bed, and started cleaning up his room.
She threw the bottle into the trash, had cleaned up Papa's desk, quietly and efficiently, all the while Belarus sobbed and drank tea on the couch.
It was scary how Russia had so calmly handled the situation. She had called Ukraine and Kazakhstan, as he'd been the last Republic.
Ukraine had seen Soviet, and then gone and sat down with Belarus, comforting her whilst Russia and Kazakhstan figured out what to do.
Papa's death meant Russia was independent without the burden of her father and Kazakhstan had his own country now.
Russia had changed after Papa's death. From being almost completely mute, she talked more. Mostly to China and North Korea though. Belarus was still forgotten. She stopped smoking as much. She stopped drinking. She still cut her hair very short, and still dressed in more masculine clothing. Belarus supposed that was just her style now.
Ukraine and Russia's relationship had also changed. Before, when they were young, Ukraine and Russia were more close than anyone could be. Always protecting each other, always siding with each other. Then they were teenagers. Constantly arguing about Papa. Constantly. Then they were both adults in the Cold War, they never even talked at that point.
Russia didn't give a shit when Ukraine would collapse from exhaustion or starvation. She'd leave him. That wasn't the Russia Belarus knew.
She didn't even think she knew Russia at all anymore. It's like they were just acquaintances. Belarus was there to be a useful tool when needed, and then forgotten. Then Russia had invaded Ukraine, and Belarus had felt stupid. She didn't think that would've happened, even when Crimea had been annexed. She felt naive, thinking that, maybe, everything would work out. Crimea would be given back to Ukraine, and Russia would be okay.
In reality, Russia hadn't changed. Russia was still the stubborn little girl who clung onto her fathers like her life depended on it. Whether her father was Papa, Weimar or Reich. But of course, she had none of those people now. So she leaned against someone else.
Russia had found that father figure after Papa had died, in her party personification, United Russia. Russia clearly thought of him as a father figure, and Belarus hated the thought. He controlled both of them. He convinced Russia attacking Ukraine was the right idea. It disgusted her. Ukraine had been their older brother, and yet, here was Russia, attacking him. Annexing his land.
Belarus's family had been torn apart. She just didn't know when. She didn't know exactly when Papa stopped being able to care for his children. She didn't know exactly when Russia had stopped being able to care for her. She didn't know exactly when Ukraine decided his friends came before his little sister. She didn't know when she would stop caring for them, just as they had about her. She hoped that she'd stop caring at some point, but it never happened.
She'd always care.