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A bell chimed as he entered the crèmerie and a cheerful voice greeted him with “Monsieur Kim, une douzaine d’œufs aujourd’hui?”1
He smiled, “Oui, et un kilo de beurre s’il vous plaît.”2
“Que faites-vous cette fois?”3
“Une brioche, macarons peut-être?”4
“Sonne délicieux.”5
He laughed at the compliment, “La prochaine fois, je vais vous apporter un peu.”6
“Non, s’il vous plaît! Ma femme peut me quitter pour vos pâtisseries.”7
They shared a laugh before Jaejoong paid for his purchase and left the store in good spirits.
In the five months he has been living in Paris, he had gotten more fluent in French in all areas regarding food. In other areas, he was better off with gesturing wildly and pointing at words in his pocket dictionary.
Paris was not what he expected at all. The city was beautiful for sure, but the Parisians were not friendly in the slightest. They were impatient and often bordered on rude when he asked questions in his broken French. He learned quickly to ask questions to older ladies, who found his accent endearing and his helpless gaze adorable.
It wasn’t as though he had a lot of time to mingle with the natives, his tried to make the most of his time in Paris by learning from a chocolatier in the morning and a pâtissier from afternoon to late in the evening. Most of the time, he watched as the professionals prepared for the day, occasionally asking questions and taking notes. On the weekends, he spent time practicing techniques he learned and experimenting with new recipes.
He was satisfied with his progress and had plenty of new techniques to take back to Korea with him. He was excited to incorporate the ideas that had come to him while studying in this foreign city. He only wished he hadn’t been so aggressive with his planning since his schedule left him exhausted most nights. He hadn’t the time to fully experience the City of Light. He promised himself, that after the apprenticeships ended, he would take the remaining time to truly explore Paris.
“Another batch of chocolates are in the mail, tell Changmin he won’t get his éclairs over the mail because the cream won’t keep in air travel.”
“I hope you made more than last time hyung, I was only able to rescue two and a half from Changmin’s mouth.”
“I sent a bottle of wine in addition to the chocolates, so maybe that’ll distract him.”
“Probably not for long.”
“Maybe long enough for you to stash a couple of boxes away. Make sure to give a box to Junsu okay? He was whining that you guys ate all of them last time.”
“It wasn’t me hyung! It was Changmin!”
“Whatever the case, I sent lots this time. There are new ganaches I tried with a little bit of cheese. Let me know how you like them.”
“I get the feeling we’re your guinea pigs now.”
“I totally try them before sending them to you guys, at least you know they aren’t poisoned.”
“I guess so. Hyung…how are you doing?”
“I’m exhausted, but this was so worth it. All the things I learned here, I can now expand my dessert menu at the restaurant. Maybe I’ll even start taking commissions for—”
“No, I meant about, you know…”
“Oh…it’s been busy so I haven’t been thinking about him much.”
“Liar.”
“Caught me. I think a part of me will always love him. But what’s the use Yoochun-ah? He didn’t choose me in the end.”
“Hyung…”
“No, it’s better this way. Give me another month. They say it takes half the amount of time to get over a person compare to the time spent with them. I’m getting better, just give me more time.”
He entered the crèmerie with a cheerful voice greeting him, “Monsieur Kim, de retour pour plus d’Explorateur?”8
“Non, merci. Je veux trois bouteilles de lait, s’il vous plaît.”9
“Trois bouteilles? Etes-vous faire de chocolat au lait?”10
He smiled, “Non, un chat aventuré sur mon balcon et refuse de quitter.”11
“Si vous le nourrissez, il ne quittera jamais.”12
“Peut-être, mais il est trop mignon.”13
He left the store with a laugh and froze in his tracks “Yunho.”
Yunho was entering the café across the street, the café Jaejoong frequented for the past several months to get cappuccino and was planning on getting a moment ago. With that glance, Jaejoong felt the months work he spent getting over the other man vanish.
Clenching his fists, he returned to his apartment as quickly as possible.
“He’s here, oh god he’s here. Why is he here?!”
“Jaejoong-hyung, calm down! What’s going on?”
“Yunho. He’s here. At the freaking café I drink cappuccinos every other day. Why is he here?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t heard anything from him. We all stopped talking to him after—”
“It’s his honeymoon isn’t it? Shit, just fucking shit.”
“Hyung, calm down. He’s not even married yet. Did he talk to you?”
“No, he didn’t see me.”
“Then what’s wrong? Just pretend you didn’t see him either.”
“Changmin-ah, I-I can’t. Once I saw him, it all came back. Whatever progress I made, it’s all gone.”
“Hyung, you’re stronger than this. So you have a minor setback, but you will get over this.”
“I don’t know if I can. Why does it have to be now? I was so close…”
“You know you would have to face him sooner or later. Think of this as practice. Once you see that your life is unaffected by him being there, you’ll know you’re ready to move on.”
“I don’t know dongsaeng…”
“You weren’t planning on living there now are you?”
“Of course not.”
“Then there’s nothing to worry about.”
“I suppose so.”
He checked his bag again to make sure he grabbed the extra battery and memory cards for his camera. He was finally free to spend the day wandering the streets like the tourist he didn’t allow himself to be. Heading out to Montmartre since it offered a beautiful view of the rest of Paris, he decided to start at the Basilique du Sacré-Cœur.
He braved the crowds and took numerous pictures of not only the buildings and statues, but also to Paris skyline. It wasn’t until he agreed to a voice asking if he wanted his picture taken that he realized it was spoken in Korean and not French. He immediately looked back to see the person he’d hoped to avoid.
“Yunho…”
“Give me your camera for the picture,” he gently removed the device from Jaejoong’s hands, “Smile.”
“What are you doing here?”
“Aren’t you going to smile for the camera?” He looked through the viewfinder instead of answering the question.
Jaejoong grabbed his camera back and stuffed it into his bag. “What are you doing here?”
“Looking for you.” He stared into Jaejoong’s eyes, challenging the other to look away.
“Why would you be looking for me?”
“Jaejoong, please.” He grabbed at Jaejoong’s wrist only to be shaken off. “Let’s not do this here.”
“You don’t change. There’s no need to do this anywhere. Go do whatever you were planning. Goodbye.” Jaejoong turned and walked off as quickly as he could. Unfortunately, he didn’t get very far before Yunho caught up to him.
“Just join me for lunch. I just want to talk, please Jaejoong-ah.” Jaejoong ignored him and continued walking towards Place du Tertre. Yunho followed him around as Jaejoong looked at the various artists work. Ignoring Yunho proved to be impossible for Jaejoong since the man tailed him doggedly. Jaejoong had never been able to keep his attention off of Yunho for long, the time apart only made it more difficult.
He didn’t move when Yunho joined him in a café, but couldn’t stop the “What do you want Yunho?” from escaping his mouth.
“You.” Yunho looked serious in his answer and Jaejoong couldn’t deny the swell of emotion inside of him.
“You can’t have me. Not anymore.” Jaejoong was tired.
“I-I need you Jaejoong-ah. It hurts not having you by my side. It hurts that I can’t just call you and listen to your voice. It hurts that I can’t hold you in my arms.” Yunho looked down. “Please, come back.”
“I—” Jaejoong wondered why those words couldn’t have been spoken months ago, “I can’t.”
“But why not?”
“Because you’re getting married next month.”
“Why don’t you ask me not to? Does my coming here and searching for you mean nothing?” Yunho ruffled his hair in frustration; Jaejoong wished he didn’t still find it an attractive sight.
“You don’t get to do this.”
“What?”
“You don’t get to perform a grand gesture of love and have everything end up all right. You don’t get to profess that you love me when you have someone else waiting to wed you. You don’t get to find me in the fucking city of love and get your fairytale ending!” Jaejoong didn’t realize he was yelling until the people around him went silent. He stood up and threw enough bills on the table to cover the water and left.
Yunho cursed and followed him out. “Why didn’t you ask me to stay?! Why didn’t you stop me?!” He didn’t care that he was making a scene on the street now.
“Because I don’t want you.” Jaejoong screamed back. Yunho was silenced from his shock. “I don’t want someone who values his pride over me. I don’t want someone who won’t introduce me to his family. I don’t want someone who can’t proudly say he loves me.” Jaejoong’s voice broke and a tear escaped his eye. “I don’t want you.”
“Junsu, Junsu, what have I done?”
“The right thing! He deserved every bit of that! Right guys?”
“Give me the phone—hyung? Are you all right? Don’t cry.”
“I can’t, the tears aren’t under my command.”
“Breathe Jaejoong-hyung, take deep breaths.”
“That selfish bastard! If I could punch him now, I would!”
“Not helping, Junsu…”
“No, he’s right. I should have punched him when I had the chance.”
“Exactly! See hyung agrees with me! Seriously though hyung, it would make you feel better.”
“I guess I’ll never know now. I don’t think I’ll ever see him again.”
“Well good riddance I say, you don’t need—hey!”
“How do you feel now? Are you unburdened now that you got to tell him everything.”
“A bit, but a part of me still thinks it was harsh.”
“It’s the truth. I can’t believe he’d pull something like this though. Very stalkerish.”
“I guess I should be flattered?”
“I don’t know, hyung. I find it a bit scary that he could locate you in Paris.”
“How did he find me anyway?”
“Not sure, none of us told him anything. He must have asked your staff.”
“Whatever the case, what are you going to do now?”
“I don’t know, I hadn’t thought that far. Maybe I’ll wander around some more since today was ruined.”
“No I meant about the…situation.”
“I don’t know, I really don’t. It still hurts, but it’s healing, I think.”
“Good, good. I think you should have a fling with a hot French guy.”
“Junsu!”
“What?! I’m not going to have a fling!
“I’m not ready yet.”
“Hyung…”
“Don’t worry, maybe someday…”