Chapter Text
Xie Lian had lost hope in finding a cure a long time ago. Quite frankly, he was surprised he could still move on his own, given the condition his body was in. He'd seen many others fall to zombie bites much quicker— maybe the bite on his arm hadn't been quite as deep, but it was still bad. He'd been spiking fevers for the past week, and even though Hua Cheng did what he could to try and treat it, there was only so much he could do with the meager supplies they had.
That was the bigger problem: Hua Cheng.
He was running himself ragged to find a cure, certain that it existed somewhere out there. Xie Lian had no idea where he was getting his confidence from, but he knew better than to tell Hua Cheng to give up and leave him behind before he turned. They'd had that conversation once, and Hua Cheng had refused to speak to Xie Lian until he apologized for suggesting it in the first place. That had been over a week ago, and it was getting more and more apparent that Xie Lian was growing too weak to move along at the pace they'd been going. Hua Cheng never complained, saying they were covering enough ground anyways, but Xie Lian knew that at some point, this wouldn't be enough to keep them safe if they ran into a horde of stray zombies. Or even hostile survivors.
“Gege,” Hua Cheng mumbled, giving his shoulder a quick squeeze. “Let's rest for a bit.”
They'd been trekking through the forest for the past day, running into nothing more than eerie silence and remnants of others who had made their way through. Empty cans, torn fabric, scattered bullets, and occasional splatters of blood. They never seemed to run into the actual people, but rather just their traces. It had been a quiet hike so far.
But the journey had done a number on Xie Lian, even with the frequent breaks they took. He was exhausted, even more so due to the fevers. Hua Cheng had been insisting they take pit stops every hour or so, claiming reasons like searching for supplies and figuring out their location, but Xie Lian knew most of it was because Hua Cheng wanted him to rest. And as grateful as he was for it, there was still that overbearing sense of guilt in being the reason they were moving so slowly.
“I'm fine,” Xie Lian said, fighting to keep his breaths even. “I can go a little more.”
Hua Cheng stopped then, the hand on Xie Lian's shoulder bringing him to a halt as well. The jerking motion had a wave of nausea roll in Xie Lian's stomach, and he shut his eyes with a hiss. He gave it a few seconds, one or two breaths to make sure he wasn't about to actually throw up before opening his eyes back up, finally meeting Hua Cheng's gaze. He knew that expression— he'd seen it too many times now.
“Gege,” Hua Cheng repeated, his voice leaving no room for argument.
He needed to rest. Xie Lian knew it, and so did Hua Cheng. He slumped, nodding as Hua Cheng led him towards the base of a large tree. He sat down against the bark with a sigh, and when Hua Cheng pressed a hand against his forehead, he let himself savor the cool sensation for just a moment.
“I think it's gone up,” Hua Cheng said, frowning as he reached for their water flask. He grabbed Xie Lian's hands, pressing the container against them. “Drink. And sleep for a little bit, please, gege. I'm going to go scope out the area nearby.”
Xie Lian gripped the flask, watching Hua Cheng pull out a blanket from his backpack with tired eyes. “You should rest too...”
Hua Cheng shot him a soft smile as he draped the blanket over his body. “I'll be fine.”
Xie Lian mustered up enough strength to glare, which earned him a laugh from Hua Cheng. “I'll rest soon, okay? Please don’t worry.”
Xie Lian knew Hua Cheng wouldn't rest. He hardly slept even during their best nights, when they were sure they'd at least be safe until daybreak. If he wasn't worrying about the slightest possibility of something going wrong, he was worried about Xie Lian. The longest Xie Lian had seen him sleep in one sitting was two hours. But ever since the fevers started back up, Hua Cheng didn't go more than one hour. He said that he felt more at ease awake and aware of his surroundings, but Xie Lian hated it. He hated waking up to Hua Cheng next to him, expression trying— and failing— to hide the sheer exhaustion and anxiety behind it. He hated the way Hua Cheng smiled like nothing was wrong as he helped Xie Lian drink some water before ushering him to get a little more rest.
Hua Cheng would work himself to death at this rate. And it would be Xie Lian's fault.
His hand moved away from the flask and grabbed at Hua Cheng's wrist as the other moved to stand. It was hardly a strong grip, but Hua Cheng stopped immediately, half-crouched as he stared at Xie Lian in concern.
Xie Lian shook his head, swallowing past the dryness in his throat as he tugged at Hua Cheng's wrist a bit more. “Sit down next to me.”
Hua Cheng frowned, still not understanding. “What? But I need to—”
“San Lang. The area is clear. There's nothing but forest for miles. Sit down.”
After a long moment, Hua Cheng gave in, shifting so that he could prop himself next to Xie Lian against the tree. It took a bit of insistence before he relented to sharing some of the blanket as well so that both of them were tucked underneath it. Xie Lian sighed, letting his head fall against Hua Cheng's shoulder, smiling when he felt the muscles in Hua Cheng’s body relax at the contact.
“So, what's this about?” Hua Cheng asked, his own smile evident in his voice. “Gege needed a better pillow?”
Xie Lian laughed, the sound worn out and low. “I want you to sleep, too.”
The silence was telling, but not uncomfortable. “I'm not tired right now.”
“You are.”
“I'm—”
“I'm not sleeping until you do.”
Hua Cheng huffed out a breath. “Gege, that’s not fair.”
“It is.” Xie Lian felt his own drowsiness tug at his eyes, but he pushed it away as best he could. “Seeing San Lang wear himself out hurts me more than this stupid zombie bite.”
He felt Hua Cheng stiffen at the mention of the bite, but he didn't regret bringing it up. This was their reality. There was no ignoring it.
Hua Cheng didn't speak for a long moment, and Xie Lian fumbled for the flask before taking a big swig. It was refreshing, and he appreciated the cool taste, not even minding the metallic flavor it had from the container. He capped it, letting it fall back into his lap before he reached for Hua Cheng's hand with one of his own. Hua Cheng responded immediately, letting their fingers intertwine before gripping on almost desperately. His hand was much colder than Xie Lian's— or maybe he was just too warm.
“Sleep, San Lang,” Xie Lian mumbled, his own eyes fluttering shut. “Even if it’s just for a little.”
Distantly, Xie Lian felt the tension slipping from Hua Cheng's body and the brush of lips against his head before sleep finally overtook him.
Xie Lian awoke with a stiff neck and an empty space next to him. He shifted, trying to rub the sleep from his eyes when the sound of voices drifted into his ears. He could recognize Hua Cheng's voice, but he also heard... another? He blinked, vision clearing enough to spot the sources a few feet in front of him.
Hua Cheng was seated on an upturned log just opposite another stranger. He looked much older than them, maybe in his early fifties, distinguished even amidst the chaos of the apocalypse. His hair was a faded brown, short and messy as if hands were constantly being run through it. He and Hua Cheng were talking animatedly, engrossed in their conversation before the stranger caught Xie Lian's eyes first.
“Oh, you're awake,” he said, getting to his feet and heading over to where Xie Lian sat. He crouched down, quirking a smile that crinkled the edges of his eyes. “It's a pleasure to meet you. You may call me Doctor Jun.”
Xie Lian nodded, glancing back at Hua Cheng, who was making his way over as well. “I'm Xie Lian. Nice to meet you.”
Hua Cheng knelt next to him, placing a hand against Xie Lian's forehead again. “I heard him making his way towards us about an hour ago. He says he's got a base set up not too far from here.” He removed his hand, tilting his head slightly. “I think it's gone down a bit.”
“If we can transport him to my shelter, I can start his treatment immediately,” the stranger— Doctor Jun said, reaching out his own hand to feel Xie Lian's temperature. “It's definitely still a fever, though.”
Xie Lian forced himself not to shy away from the hand, his head slightly spinning. “Wait... Treatment? San Lang, what—”
Hua Cheng smiled at that, eyes almost shining. “He's a research doctor. He said he's been working on a treatment for zombie infections ever since this mess started, and he's finally got what might be an actual cure. A cure, gege.”
Xie Lian blinked, the news taking its time before sinking in. “Cure?”
He floundered for the right words, hoping he didn't accidentally say too much. Did that mean the doctor already knew Xie Lian had been bitten? He and Hua Cheng had always been careful not to let it slip to anyone ever since it happened. Not even when they'd been traveling with Feng Xin and Mu Qing and the others. There was too much risk in letting the truth out, especially with paranoia and panic running high. Aside from Hua Cheng, Xie Lian couldn't think of anyone else who would be willing to stay with a walking time bomb like him.
Hua Cheng seemed to know what he was thinking, a reassuring look on his face. “He knows, gege. It's okay. I didn't even tell him— he recognized the symptoms on his own. We talked a bit about his research, and he's made so much progress. I think he can help us.”
There was a sort of desperate hope in Hua Cheng's eyes, one that had long disappeared in Xie Lian's. After all this time, this was the first lead they've had on possibly curing him. It almost felt surreal, and for a moment, Xie Lian wondered if this was just some crazed fever dream he was having. None of this was real, and soon he'd wake up next to Hua Cheng again, their bodies still curled next to each other, just like they had been before he fell asleep. No doctor, no nothing.
Hua Cheng reached over as he squeezed at Xie Lian's hand, a bit of concern trickling back into his expression. “Gege? What's wrong?”
Xie Lian stared, trying to search any part of Hua Cheng's face for a hint, anything to tell him he was dreaming. But it felt real, Hua Cheng's hand felt real, his exhaustion felt real. He squeezed back at Hua Cheng's hand, breath hitching when the other's grip grew tighter in return. “This... This isn't a dream?”
Hua Cheng broke into another grin, a genuine smile Xie Lian hadn't seen in so long. It loosened something in his chest, and Xie Lian suddenly hoped that if this was a dream, he'd rather not wake up.
The doctor's base turned out to be a small cabin tucked away in an open area of the forest, windows boarded up and seemingly abandoned from the outside. But surprisingly, Xie Lian found the inside quite tidy, his body instantly warming up once the door closed behind them. A few gas lamps were strewn about the area, placed meticulously for as much lighting as possible.
The first thing that caught his eye was the large surgical table that was positioned towards the back of the room, surrounded with medical equipment and a worn down laptop. His stomach clenched nervously at the sight, reminding him of a place more for experiments rather than a place for treatment. But he forced himself to relax as they made their way over, Hua Cheng's arm tight around his waist. This was the closest chance they had.
Doctor Jun was talking even before he reached his laptop, hands animatedly moving as he did so. “This is great timing. I'd been needing to find someone to use this cure on, and you might be the perfect subject.”
Xie Lian took a seat at the edge of the table, wiping the beads of sweat from his forehead. Even though the walk to the cabin had been relatively short, the whole ordeal still left him winded. He hoped his expression wasn't as telling as the emotions swirling in his stomach. “So you haven't... tested this on anyone else before?”
Doctor Jun shook his head, fingers flying over the keyboard. “Unfortunately, I haven't had the opportunity. The most I've done are tests on some stray rats I've come across, but I believe the data I have is solid.” He looked up, a serious look on his face as he met Xie Lian's eyes. “I wouldn't offer to do this had I not been confident that I could help you. But if you do wish to refuse, I cannot stop you.”
Xie Lian blinked, lost for words. Of course he couldn't refuse. He was dying, and even the slightest chance that this could work was enough for him to try. If not for him, then for his San Lang. Anything to give them a better chance at surviving.
“No, I... I'll do it,” Xie Lian said, ducking his head. “Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude.”
He heard Doctor Jun chuckle, a light sound in his ears. “No offense taken. I understand your worries.”
There was some shuffling before Xie Lian felt a hand carefully grab at his wrist, and he jumped at the contact. Doctor Jun let go almost immediately, hands raised in a passive surrender.
“I apologize if I surprised you. I'll need to start an IV to give you fluids and the treatment. I recommend we start right away before your condition deteriorates any further.”
Xie Lian let out a breath, his heart rabbiting underneath his shirt. He glanced over at Hua Cheng, who still hovered nearby, an anxious look on his expression. Calm down, he needed to calm down. He was overthinking it all. He'd be fine, and Hua Cheng would be here too. In the worst case, they'd leave if things didn't improve and know that they'd at least tried.
He steeled himself, letting his body relax before he smiled and raised an arm out. “Okay, let's start.”
Nothing much had happened during the first day of treatment. The IV fluids helped him realize just how dehydrated his body had been, especially with the constant fevers he'd been getting. Doctor Jun had him laying down on the table for most of the time, only letting him sit up when he needed to use the bathroom or to eat. He didn't particularly mind that, feeling too tired to get up and move too much anyways.
Hua Cheng was a constant figure in his line of sight, always either holding his hand or busy speaking with Doctor Jun about the exact course of treatment. Xie Lian was glad Hua Cheng could at least follow along with the doctor, since he could barely understand half of the medical jargon that went on between them.
Things changed the second day.
His fever, which had steadily been decreasing, suddenly spiked again with a vengeance, bad enough that fluids barely did anything to mitigate the dehydration. That hadn't been the bigger problem, though. His body ached. Even though he'd been resting the whole time, he felt like his entire being had been wrung out and dumped in a pot of acid. It was a wholly unfamiliar type of pain, and Xie Lian was surprised he was still even conscious. Part of him wished he wasn't.
There was a hand in his hair, carding through the sweaty locks in a constant gesture. Xie Lian rolled over with a groan, moving closer towards the hand as he forced his eyes open. Hua Cheng was there, practically eye level with him as he mouthed something indiscernible. His hearing was fuzzy, for some reason. But before he could even panic at the prospect that he was going deaf too, the sound started to drift back into his ears, as if trying to make it past wads of cotton.
“Gege... Can you hear me?” Hua Cheng whispered, hand moving from his hair and cupping his face instead. “Where does it hurt?”
Xie Lian shuddered as his muscles seized up again, an involuntary reaction to the waves of pain that coursed through his limbs. It felt terrible, and a frantic voice in his head whispered that things must be going wrong, that he was dying even faster now.
“E-everywhere...” he managed out, voice tight. Or maybe he was just too far gone, and the treatment wasn't even going to work on him anymore. He was dying. He must be.
“What the hell's going on? Is this supposed to happen?” It took Xie Lian a moment to realize that Hua Cheng wasn't speaking to him, but to Doctor Jun. “What's causing it?”
“It seems to be an adverse effect of the treatment.” Doctor Jun spoke with a level of calm that neither he nor Hua Cheng had, almost as if he'd expected this to happen. He probably did, with whatever research he'd done. A warning would've been nice, though. “His body is reacting to the unknown chemicals. I believe the pain should subside soon, though.”
“You believe?” Hua Cheng's other hand, which had been gripping at Xie Lian's own, suddenly tightened in his fury. “And what if it doesn't? We're just going to let him suffer like this?”
“If I could give him medication for the pain, I would. The only reason I'm not is because it might interfere with the effectiveness of the cure.”
Hua Cheng snarled, a low sound in his throat, but Xie Lian felt lucid enough to squeeze at Hua Cheng's hand again, his head pounding. It drew Hua Cheng's attention immediately, which was enough.
“I'm fine, San Lang,” he said, fighting to keep his breaths even. “I can handle this.”
Hua Cheng didn't seem to agree, conflict raging in his expression before he leaned forward, letting his forehead bump lightly against Xie Lian's. The hand on his face tangled itself back in his hair, pulling their heads closer together.
“I hate that this is happening to you,” Hua Cheng mumbled, quiet enough for only Xie Lian to hear. “It should have been me instead.”
Xie Lian stiffened again, this time not from the pain. “San Lang. Don't say that,” he said, voice tight. “Don't you ever say that again.”
Hua Cheng didn't respond, closing his eyes as he relaxed further against Xie Lian. It wasn't the answer Xie Lian wanted, but he didn't push the matter any further. He knew what Hua Cheng was thinking, and he knew convincing him otherwise would be nearly impossible. Somewhere behind them, Doctor Jun had gone silent, and Xie Lian wasn't sure if he'd left or was just busy with something at his work station. He pushed the thought aside, letting his breaths match Hua Cheng's for a few seconds.
“We'll get through this,” Xie Lian said, his hand gripping Hua Cheng's. “I'll get through this infection, and then we're both going to get through this stupid apocalypse. And once everything's okay, we'll finally settle down in a house and sleep in a real bed for once.”
Hua Cheng chuckled, peeking one eye open. “Don't forget finally getting to use an actual shower, too.”
A bout of light giggles escaped Xie Lian's mouth, and he ignored the way the movement ached at his muscles. “Definitely. Ah, I must look like a mess.”
“Nonsense. You’re as beautiful as always.”
Speaking to Hua Cheng was a nice distraction. It kept his mind off the pain, leaving them both in their own realm of hopes and possibilities. He wanted to keep talking, he really did, but he was suddenly so exhausted. Maybe his body grew tired of dealing with the pain, too. Hopefully it was just that.
Hua Cheng must have noticed, pulling back enough to get a better look at Xie Lian's face before giving him a small smile. He leaned forward once more, just enough to give a quick peck to the forehead.
“Get some sleep, my love,” Hua Cheng said, sweeping the hair out of Xie Lian's eyes before he stood up. “You'll feel better with rest. I'm going to go talk to the doctor.”
A large part of Xie Lian wanted to pull Hua Cheng's hand back when it fell out of his grip, but he only watched as Hua Cheng finally disappeared from his line of sight. He knew Hua Cheng was still nearby, but the space in front of him suddenly seemed too empty and unfamiliar. His eyelids grew heavy and, this time, when sleep tried to claim him again, he let it.
Xie Lian awoke in a panic, eyes flying open as his brain struggled to jumpstart.
He couldn't breathe. He felt like he was drowning.
His body felt incredibly heavy, as if someone had thrown a bag of sand on top of his chest. His arms flailed, trying to find enough traction to push himself upright. But when his hands connected with something hard above him, he realized with a startle that someone was there, a body looming over his. He blinked past the tears building in his eyes, chest heaving for air.
“D-doctor...” Xie Lian gasped. The man's hands were holding his shoulders, and Xie Lian scrambled to grab onto them in the hopes that they'd pull him up. “Please, I— I can't—”
“You can't breathe?” Doctor Jun asked, his expression unreadable in the darkened room as Xie Lian nodded frantically. What time was it? There was hardly any light. “It's alright, that's expected.”
Xie Lian's brain struggled to process the sentence, wondering if he'd heard right. He gripped at the doctor's sleeves, trying to sit up once more. “W-what are you...”
He exerted too much energy, his body slumping against the table as he coughed from the effort. His throat felt far too small, closing up on itself and blocking off any chances of getting a full breath in.
“Don't worry, you will be able to breathe soon. The drug is short-lasting.” Doctor Jun’s voice sounded muffled past the blood rushing in Xie Lian's ears, as if he was hearing everything underwater. “It's much too early for me to let you die yet.”
The hands on Xie Lian's shoulder pressed a bit harder, and it was only then he realized the doctor was actually holding him down, not helping him up.
Xie Lian shuddered to take in another breath, his fingers trying to dig into the arms pinning him. He was dreaming. This was just a terrible nightmare, and he'd wake up soon.
It dawned on him then, that sensation of something missing even amidst the chaos. Hua Cheng was gone. He didn't see or hear him anywhere, even in the darkened shadows of his hindered vision. He'd been here all this time, and now he was nowhere to be seen. Xie Lian strained to turn his head, get a better glimpse of the room. Unless the doctor had done something to incapacitate him...
No, Hua Cheng of all people wouldn't be that easy to take down, even in his weakened state. He must have stepped outside. It was a scary thing, realizing that he was trapped in this cabin alone with a suddenly crazed stranger.
This was a dream. He had to be dreaming.
The doctor chuckled, the sound jarring against Xie Lian's ears. “Looking for your friend in this situation? You're quite interesting.”
One of the hands shifted, moving to press down painfully against Xie Lian's chest. It forced out the meager amounts of air Xie Lian had managed to take in, and he gasped at the even greater pressure atop his lungs. “I sent him out to fetch some wood. He should be back later.”
Xie Lian felt like his chest was on fire, burning for oxygen and relief. He swung his arms wildly, hoping he'd at least make contact hard enough to push himself free. But it was no use, his fists merely bumping lightly against the doctor before repelling back. He had no strength left in him right now, he knew that. The thought struck him with frightening clarity, and he could only stare up as he tried to tug off the hands on top of him.
The doctor was smiling. As if he were enjoying this.
“You...” Xie Lian wheezed, chest heaving from the exertion. “You're—”
Crazy. The man was crazy. There was no question about it now. They'd both been tricked, and the realization angered him so much it sent his head spinning. The closest they'd gotten to moving forward again, and it was snatched away within seconds.
Doctor Jun ignored him, leaning in a bit closer, his eyes almost deranged with glee. “Unfortunately for you, I'll be administering a sedative shortly, so you won't be awake when he returns. Can't have you spilling my secrets yet, can we?”
Part of Xie Lian wished Hua Cheng wouldn't come back. If he found out what happened, it would hurt him the most. He'd blame himself for trusting the doctor, for letting Xie Lian get the treatment. And he didn't think he could handle watching Hua Cheng break down any more.
He hoped Hua Cheng wouldn't come back. Leave him behind and have a way better chance at surviving.
“What a beautiful sight this is,” the doctor crooned, the hand on Xie Lian's shoulder creeping closer towards his throat. Xie Lian stiffened at the motion, his fingers digging harder into the man's sleeves. “Such a shame how people don't see the beauty of human suffering.”
Xie Lian hated himself for thinking of it, but a fleeting voice in his head whispered that it might be better if he died right then, if only to put the doctor out of his sickening pleasure. Every breath was an effort, scraping at his throat and tugging at his chest. He hated feeling so useless, hated the laughter that seeped into his ears each time his body thrashed in desperation.
He didn't know why, but he thought of Hua Cheng. Their long treks through wastelands, idle conversation their only partner. The joy when they discovered stray packs of edible food or water, the warmth in sharing the rations over a small campfire. The peaceful moments in between the turmoil, where they laid under the stars and talked about the future.
“Don't cry, boy,” Doctor Jun said. Xie Lian shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut. He didn't want to cry. Not in front of him. “You'll live for now. I’ll make sure of that.”
He thought of the future, one with a small house and a blooming garden. One where Hua Cheng would sleep in even longer than him, basking in the rays of sunshine that poured through their windows, not a hint of worry in his expression. One with Hua Cheng, no pain in his eyes and freedom in his smile.
The lack of oxygen left him dizzy, and Xie Lian felt his grip slipping off the doctor's arms. He was so, so tired.
“Already falling unconscious? It seems I might not even need the sedative,” the doctor mumbled, a pleased undertone to his voice.
Even as he felt himself slipping away, back into the familiar darkness, Xie Lian thought of Hua Cheng.