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Time.
A somewhat nebulous concept in terms of one's own perception of it. Everyone feels the effects of it as it moves on without any heed of anyone's own desire or need. It goes slow or it goes fast, only one's own feelings and thoughts may affect their own perception of time.
Through boredom would time seem to slow and through enjoyment would it seem to accelerate. It's difficult to control such feelings and in turn difficult to control our sense of time.
As I sit in my own seat in this restaurant I'm faced with my own lethargy and apathy staring at myself. The dim screen of my phone is placed down on the table, my coffee cup drained of its sweet contents and plate empty.
Saize is the best option to go when hungry outside! Decent taste, fast, and most importantly, cheap! Their japanese style italian food hits the spot.
I can't help but look at my surroundings as I found myself lacking in entertainment or anything to do now that I finished my food. That short speech of mine about Saizeriya earlier made me slightly amused for a second though. I didn't bring any books and there's nothing on my phone that I would enjoy using right now.
Oh hey, it seems my perception of time is mimicking my own lethargy. I'm so bored. Joy. What I see are other families, couples, and friends sitting in the other seats seemingly frozen in time.
Relationships… What a complicated thing to experience.
One blonde haired lady feeding a bite of fried rice to her significant other, another group with a father feeding his child. Similar actions with such different contexts. One with a deep affection for each other that is often also fueled by lust and another with familial love created from the kid being born as proof of one's own love towards their significant other.
Another man in a button up shirt with a sheepish expression had opened the door to the restaurant seemingly late to a gathering as others had raised their hands to wave him over. A group of friends, basically a clique. Likely to hangout, and be loud and obnoxious with each other, laughing as they get on everyone's nerves, especially mine! God damn riajuu… Go jump in a ditch and explode!
Shallow and deep relationships can be somewhat interchangeable, what may at first seem shallow may hold an ocean of depth while what may seem deep would be exposed for just being a kiddie pool when extenuating circumstances arise. Can you really say what type of relationship one may have if it hadn't been truly tested yet? If anything that would be blissful ignorance for the true status of one's relationship.
Hardship shapes people and in turn it also shapes and tests relationships. It is an important part of any human relationship, whether that be romantic or not. If someone had no hardship in the contact between each other, is that really a true bond? If that was the case then it was never a true bond to begin with, they would never be true to themselves in order to live a life with no conflict or hardship with others.
That brings to mind Hayama, the prince of Sobu High. Always striving for the status quo, never wanting for things to change, to bring risk to the group. To do so would destroy the peace of mind he had worked for and possibly fracturing the clique for good.
If Tobe did confess then the incoming rejection would have caused him to drift apart from the group. And the others feel awkward and unable to act as they normally would.
I was tasked to prevent such an outcome from both Ebina and Hayama. And so I did.
The status quo I had so reviled, I allowed myself to continue. Both for Hayama and for me.
To pretend that nothing has changed is to deny growth. To deny and prevent a relationship of any kind to move forward.
Of course there aren't just friendships to think about and consider.
There are all kinds of relationships, either good, bad, or neither. Providing with all kinds of warm feelings as one would interact with people they love. Of course with what comes with love may also come with hate, from those that seemingly hold a grudge for no reason or those that one may have wronged. For acquaintances there are usually no strong feelings either positive or negative as one would have a lack of interaction.
Putting relationships into such categories is however simplifying the whole thing. One can have positive feelings of admiration in combination of hateful jealousy towards someone else as one example. Such feelings are incredibly complicated which would change how someone would treat another person. The Yukinoshita sisters come to mind for this one.
Even talking to other people may unknowingly or even purposely hurt another person's feelings depending on the subject matter and context.
Relationships are rarely logical and are run by emotion. Does it matter if something hurtful was done on purpose? Maybe, maybe not, it'll still damage their bond.
With how many dangers and landmines relationships seemingly have, I find myself occasionally asking myself if such personal connections are worth the risk to my own mental health and sanity.
My phone beeped as I received a text message on my phone, a smile grew on my face. A look I'm sure many others would find repulsive or weird.
I stood up as time no longer felt like it was at a stand still and left my bill with the correct amount of money owed.
It's time to step out of the restaurant and give myself a taste of the beautiful sun.
Yes, relationships can be extremely complicated and filled with all sorts of trials and tribulations. However, as some say, high risk and high reward.
And that reward may just give you something genuine.