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Nao sits in front of her Mother and Grandmother, her hands in her lap, steadily staring ahead as the two women observe her, observe the resolution on her young face and realize that no, the child before them isn’t here to talk about a fancy, no.
Nao means business, and her Grandmother harrumphs in acknowledgement, giving her a nod and lease to speak.
“Soon, I will be eleven,” the green-haired states calmly.
“Soon, yes,” Grandmother acknowledges, her Mother’s mother, already bent by age but still keeping locks of green mixed in with the grey in her simple but elegant bun. “And after eleven, you will be twelve, and then will come your breasts, and your moon blood. You’re growing, child, and soon you will be a woman,” she states the truth that all girls face one day.
“In time,” Nao acknowledges, because try as she might, she cannot change her sex. She was born a girl, and a girl body she will keep. But… “Honored Grandmother, is there any way to stay flat and free of blood for the time being?”
She doesn’t say ‘forever’, because such things are unlikely, but a few years would already be a delight.
Nao’s Mother’s breath hitches briefly, and the little girl almost wavers here and there, because she doesn’t want to cause her Mother undue pain, but…
If she grows up as a woman ought to, then she WILL cause her undue pain in other ways, Nao is sure of that.
Just like Shizu and Saki are causing them all pain.
Nao’s fists briefly tighten as she thinks of her sisters. Both older, both beautiful, both kind and wise… and both gone, carried away by pirates, never to be seen again.
Oh, perhaps if they had money, the family might be able to pay ransom for one or both of them, but… They don’t. They’re of samurai background, but Father was only the seventh son of a second son, and he’s not even there anymore, died when Nao was still just a little kid, and they were never wealthy even before he was gone.
Shizu and Saki are gone, and Nao… she’s not naïve enough to think their captors will be honorable men. Pirates seldom are. Her sisters may be taken as wives by their captors if they’re lucky, but most likely, they will be sold, or offered as concubines to the pirates’ benefactors.
Benefactors like the Mouri, who are encroaching more and more on the territory, and who are responsible for Father’s death.
Nao hates them, hates them so much, and to imagine her sisters might spend the rest of their days in Mouri men’s arms…
Sometimes, she hopes they’re dead already.
(Except, not, because those are her sisters, and what she truly wants is them safe and sound and home again, but that’s an empty dream…)
Hisatoki and Chouji, her oldest brothers, have raged at the unfairness of it all, raged at the Mouri and their mercenaries, and Nao has raged with them for her beloved sisters.
(She has raged at them too, because they weren’t there like they should have been to defend the family. But Nao hadn’t been there either, so shouldn’t she also blame herself?)
But after the rage, there is now cold calculation in her mind.
The raiders will come again, they all know that, and Shizu and Saki will not be the last ones carried away if the men in town cannot organize themselves better, the fucking disgraces, the green-haired girl thinks vehemently.
And Nao… Nao has no intention of being a designated victim, thank you very much.
Grandmother is looking at her with sharp eyes. “This is serious matter you are discussing, child. Are you sure you want to walk that road?”
It’s not a refusal or a dismissal. Grandmother is wary, but… She’s not surprised either.
Probably because she saw what Nao was up to with her brothers for months now and had already divined what her youngest Granddaughter would ask from her once she felt ready.
Mother looks like she’s ready to cry, though, and Nao has to quiet her urge to rise and go hug her in comfort.
“Yes, Honored Grandmother,” Nao instead lowers her gaze and inclines her torso. “I’m sure.” She hesitates for a heartbeat before she forges on, because she thinks Grandmother will get it. “One who appears to be a son is least at risk than a daughter when she’s outside the walls of her house.”
“Oh, Nao-chan,” Mother whispers, and her voice is thick with emotion, her own violet eyelids half-closed over moist eyes.
“… one cannot bend Nature to their will, Nao-chan,” Grandmother sighs in warning. “A woman body you have, a woman body you will always have, even if you cut your hair and boldly proclaim yourself a man to the face of the world.”
“I am aware,” Nao answers evenly. “But if I am to follow in my brothers’ footsteps to help defend this house and this family, then I’d rather do it as Naotoki than as Nao.”
It’s her brothers who have picked the name, when they discussed disguises with her. A shared kanji with all of them, a link from sibling to sibling she accepts with pride.
They’re good boys, all of them, good men for the older ones, and they’re hurting from losing Shizu and Saki to incompetent guards and to their own, ill-fated absence.
They do not want to lose the one sister they have left, even if it means she has to hide her sex so long she isn’t safe.
(She doesn’t think she’ll ever be safe, but she does not tell them that.)
“Naotoki,” Mother breathes out. “It… does suit you,” she says faintly, and Nao, now Naotoki, feels another weight lift from her shoulders.
Mother doesn’t approve, but… she understands, and she isn’t saying ‘no’. She doesn’t want to lose her last daughter to pirates and a fate that may be worse than death either.
Better to die a blade in hand, like a warrior, than to cower in front of a merciless enemy that would ravish her honor.
Naotoki is already good at using a bow and a staff, for she has learned since she was a toddler (like her sisters learned… but it wasn’t enough). Now she’s learning the katana, and her brothers think she’ll be deadly in a few years, for she’s a quick study, always have been.
“There are means to obtain the results you seek, child,” Mother says softly, glancing at Grandmother. “Potions, that one must take at each new turn of the moon. Hard and complicated to prepare, and harder still to drink, but… they may give that new ‘son’ of mine what he’s seeking.”
“… there might be consequences on your fertility, child. Nature isn’t something we simple folks can play with at our leisure, and there are prices to pay for the most exotic potions,” Grandmother warns in a low voice, her eyes creased in concern, and Naotoki…
Naotoki has to refrain herself from laughing.
She’s not concerned about her fertility at all.
In fact, if she can get rid of it, she might be happier. She’s not like most girls of her age in that regard, she knows. Those ones, they often talk about future husbands or daydream of children in their bellies or suckling at their teat while they forage together on the beach, searching for shellfishes or pulling back the traps they laid in the water the day before. They dream of birthing strong sons who will bring honor to their father’s name, or sweet daughters who will help their mother in the house.
They do not know the horrors of childbirth like Naotoki does. They think having a baby is easy, but it’s not, never was, never will be. Naotoki may not be quite eleven, but she has assisted to too many childbirths already, because Mother and Grandmother are good midwives and for all the people fear their green hair and their peculiar looks (Demon blood a few generations back, some say; Kami-touched, others whisper), they also think them good luck to have underhand when a babe comes into the world.
It’s not that they have really drafted Nao into helping, but… often, there is a need to run errands, and go pick fresh linens, or boil water, or wipe the sweat off the forehead of a wailing woman, or clean up a newborn infant, and one more pair of hands is never amiss. So she knows a lot already, she knows the screams, and the blood, and the tears, and the too many ways something can go wrong.
She could tell those naïve children so many things about the mucus plug or about the afterbirth, about the way a cunt get ripped apart by a baby’s head or shoulders, or how easily a woman can bleed out and about stitches in intimate places and how the blood doesn’t stop just after the birth and…
No. Naotoki knows too much about babes already to be tempted to have one, even if Nature has made her for childbearing.
“I will deal with the consequences when the time comes, Honored Grandmother,” Naotoki replies once her inner hilarity abates.
The old woman eyes her speculatively, tutting, but she doesn’t say anything about Naotoki being too carefree. Instead, she sighs and rises.
“I will see to gather the ingredients tonight,” she says wearily. “You will come with me, child, for you’ll need to learn how to prepare the brew yourself in time, and it’s never too early to start.”
Naotoki doesn’t grin in victory, but it’s a near thing.
“Thank you, Honored Grandmother, Mother,” she instead says with all the dignity she can master.
“I guess I’ll have to cut your hair soon as well,” Mother says softly, like she’s already regretting the fact. Naotoki regrets it a bit, too, because she doesn’t mind having long hair but… It’ll be easier to pass as a scrawny young boy with short locks instead of her current long, flowing bangs.
Still, she’s happy. She has won, just like she told her brothers she would.
She’ll never be a man in body, but she will not suffer the curse of blood or develop the roundness of womanhood, and that’s good.
Naotoki will never be wife, nor concubine, she promises herself.
Especially not for a Mouri pirate.