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Sanghyuk and Donghyun were 13 years old when they got into their first big fight. They bicker a lot, that's a given, since they are literally stuck together like glue since the young age of 6. But this time was different, Sanghyuk was filled with rage after Donghyun spewed out a playful joke out of nowhere.
It must be his developing teen hormones Sanghyuk couldn't control his anger. They are barely a year apart but it is obvious that Sanghyuk is changing faster than Donghyun—who is younger and a lot more untamed when it comes to his own actions and words compared to him.
So when Donghyun told him he was willing to kiss Sanghyuk on the lips if the director asked them to on their future projects, the latter was in disbelief. The altar on his parents' home flashes on his head and before he could even hear Donghyun say that it is just a joke, Sanghyuk is already towering in front of the younger with disgust masking his face.
“I would never!” Sanghyuk screams while pointing fervently to his best friend. He knows he is red and there is no way it was because he feels butterflies on his stomach. Instead, he could feel a bile ready to come out from his throat. “Never ever kiss someone like you, Donghyun! Remember that!”
And he is trudging outside Donghyun's room, with loud and heavy footsteps and an imaginary dark smoke flaring out his ears and nose. The sound of the door being slammed echoed through the entire quiet surrounding and Donghyun was left sitting on his bed trying not to break into tears because his best friend just happened to yell at him.
They never spoke to each other after that incident for the next two weeks. Donghyun was hurt while Sanghyuk was ashamed and guilty.
Until they had completely forgotten that it happened because their jobs can't break them apart. They go on with their life again as if it's the only memory they had together worth erasing. They remain the best partner in crime—on and off camera. Riwoo and Leehan. Sanghyuk and Donghyun.
•••
“You look like you're glitching, Sanghyuk-ah.”
Of course, Donghyun would notice. It's impossible not to when Sanghyuk has been alternating between sitting and lying down on the floor while scanning the script restlessly for the past two hours. He has been calling Donghyun a lot out of nowhere too as if he is meaning to say something only to tell him it was nothing and he should just continue sorting his gummy bears by colors. Donghyun is already getting tired and dizzy and he needs Sanghyuk to stop it now.
Sanghyuk half glances at him before he is back at rummaging to the script while unconsciously biting his already jagged nails. When he doesn't answer, Donghyun rolls his eyes to snatch his own folder of script so he could finally start reviewing it.
“Is it that bad, huh? Cut off some slack, hyung. This is nothing new.” And you've agreed to this, Donghyun means to add but he stops himself.
Sanghyuk wishes Donghyun would stop saying that every single damn time they have projects together. Because everything is new when it's with Leehan. Especially this. This.
Oh, just why did Sanghyuk agree to this?
“I'll go now,” Sanghyuk says instead. He gathers his belongings and hugs the pile of papers on his chest as he stands up from the floor. “Let's meet at the set next week. Goodnight, Donghyun.”
•••
Sanghyuk finally figures it out. He finally figures himself out. He wants to kiss boys.
The realization hit him like a truck the day of his nineteenth birthday. In a party his manager held with few people in the same company and some of the personalities he had previously worked with after his 13 years of being in the entertainment industry. It was kind of a typical party with natural chaoticness influenced by bottles of alcohol. As much as Sanghyuk hates drinking alcohol, he had long stopped fearing it because he hates it more when someone would boo him for refusing to take a shot.
He is halfway on his second glass when it becomes harder to breathe in an enclosed space filled with drunk people. The smell stings his nose and he wants nothing from the moment but a breath of fresh air. Jaehyun being passed out beside him is his que to leave so he could finish this ugly tasting liquid he has in his hand outside.
Or would it be better to just stay inside?
But it is a little too late now. He can't lift his feet even if he wants to. His hands are wet from the melting ice seeping on the glass of alcohol but he is frozen in the middle of the hallway. Donghyun is leaning on the wall in one of the corners and he has Taesan kissing him.
They are giggling at each other without saying a single word, chasing tongues and exchanging ragged breaths. They are obviously drunk seeing how they keep on stumbling whenever one would push the other on the wall.
Sanghyuk watches the sight with his naked eyes. With no doubt, he thinks it will be nice—to kiss someone, a boy, specifically. But strangely enough, he thinks it will be nice—to be in the place of Taesan.
He can’t unsee the sight anymore. There is no point in turning his back to return inside and maybe in that way, he can forget it. Because shortly after his arrival and a minute or two of silently watching his best friend getting drunk in love with their co-actor named Taesan, the said man locked eyes with him.
Taesan comes out to be shocked by his presence by how he gasps loudly at the short peck Donghyun gives to him. “Wait, Leehan-ah,” Taesan holds the younger one on his shoulders to balance him on the wall. Then he quickly looks back at Sanghyuk who was still standing in the distance like a statue, he smiles cheekily at him. “Do you want to join us?”
What the f—
Sanghyuk's initial reaction is to take a step back with a hand over his mouth. It's an awkward and obvious reaction but that's all he could pull off as from the moment. Did he just get invited to join a makeout session with two boys? One with his best friend in it?
“Yah, Taesan-ah,” Donghyun impatiently tugs at the end of Taesan's shirt when the latter wouldn't look at him. He sounds so sulky, the same tone he always used when Sanghyuk wouldn't want to watch a movie with him. He also still doesn't realize that Taesan is talking to Sanghyuk as from the moment. “Look at me. Where are you looking? Who—”
Donghyun finally looks at him. Not like Sanghyuk doesn't want to. But it feels odd in this situation and something is brewing on his stomach and he knows what it's called because he's lived in an industry where this feeling gets often tackled and talked about.
His bestfriend looks disheveled and a bit fucked up. But Sanghyuk can't deny that it is definitely a sight. Amidst the darkness of the place, he can still practically makes out the puffiness on Donghyun's eyes because he had probably cried from laughter with Taesan, the dark shade of red covering his face down to his neck until it disappears somewhere beneath his wrinkled shirt, and his bruised and swollen lips Sanghyuk watched getting ravished by Taesan.
He wants to kiss a boy. Or he only wants to kiss Donghyun, he realizes. So bad that it hurts. It has been hurting him a lot these past few years but only today he admits it's because of Donghyun.
“Hey,” Taesan awkwardly calls when Sanghyuk refuses to speak and Donghyun's hands around him start to loosen. ”So, do you want to join us or not?”
This time, the couple are both watching him. Sanghyuk can return inside or he can snatch Donghyun away even if it means that Taesan will need to tag along.
His drinking glass is already empty. He needs to refill it soon or else he will lose his mind.
He guesses he would just let them be.
“He doesn't like kissing boys, you know,” he hears Donghyun saying to Taesan after he silently walks back from where he was originally in before, the room that stinks with alcohol.
“Oh, wait, really? Gosh, that was so embarrassing, Leehan.”
“Hmmm... Do you want to stay in my place tonight?”
“Yeah, sure.”
•••
“Goodnight, Donghyun.”
Sanghyuk walks in front of the door to open it. He could feel the tiredness deep on his bones and he misses his bed so much. Sometimes script reading can really be a bit tedious, especially if you have just found out that you are going to need to kiss your best friend in front of a camera. He knows things like this will happen with this kind of project he has on his hands but it still shocked him.
“Wait, hyung.”
Sanghyuk halts from twisting the door knob of Donghyun's room. He hears rustling behind him and it seems like Donghyun is standing up from his bed.
“Yeah, what is it?”
“Have you finished reading the whole script?” Donghyun sounds wary which makes Sanghyuk furrow his eyebrows in confusion.
He hums anyways as a confirmation. “I do. That's why I'm leaving now.” His head turns back to Donghyun to give him one last glance. The younger is just standing in front of him but he refuses to meet his gaze.
Then Donghyun drops the bomb. Sanghyuk doesn't expect they will acknowledge it this early.
“Maybe we could practice?” Donghyun suggests, sounding so nervous and unsure. He scratches the back of his neck like he's been itching to ask the question for so long. “Then you could stay the night here. So we could—”
“We can't practice if you haven't opened your own script yet, dummy.”
“But I already did. Like two days ago.”
Sanghyuk is so stunned he feels dizzy for the moment. He completely faces Donghyun with a displeased look all over his face. He crosses his arms before jabbing his finger on Donghyun's chest and each word that comes out from his as of the moment is sharp with conviction. “You liar! You. Said. You. Haven't. Read. It!”
“Hey, stop that finger of yours,” Donghyun calmly convinces him as each jab sends him stumbling backwards.
“No, you're the one to stop. Why do you need to lie about not reading these damn papers? Did you enjoy silently watching me earlier getting crazy after repeatedly reading those parts, huh? Why the hell—”
“I suggest we should practice,” Donghyun repeats and he says it with such playfulness it makes Sanghyuk's blood boil even more.
This is one of the cons of working with his best friend. Sanghyuk can't distinguish whether Donghyun is serious or not. If the younger one just enjoys playing with him or he's genuine in every part. This grown up man that was once a small kid just like him, his best friend of 15 years, his co-actor for numerous projects—Sanghyuk should know him completely by now but Kim Donghyun is hard to read as ever.
The thing is, Sanghyuk takes everything about Donghyun so seriously. He doesn't back out with his friend's crazy ideas—a real partner in crime in and out of the public. He can also take him seriously—a lover in addition of being a friend—only if Donghyun will let him.
Donghyun looks like he is kidding just now but he purses his lips and Sanghyuk knows he is not just saying it for fun. That they should do something about the problem they will need to face when they are in the actual set next week. Donghyun is a perceptionist, he thinks so wide and advanced. Sanghyuk is mostly anxious, he doesn't want to get scolded by the director next week.
“Damn, well, if you insist. Yeah, why not?”
•••
Sanghyuk currently has a high running fever. But the recent news about Donghyun is hotter if anything.
Kim Leehan and Han Taesan had broken up after being in a secret relationship for 10 months, the recent circulating news article states.
“Stop talking about Donghyun like that, mom, dad. I swear to Go—”
“Swear to who, Sanghyuk?”
“Nothing,” Sanghyuk secretly rolls his eyes. His throat is aching and as much as he wants to stay silent until he gets his voice back, he can’t stand hearing his parents gushing over the news about his best friend which they took seriously and badly. “Just— can the two of you stop it now? Donghyun did nothing wrong. Why are you talking about him that way?”
His father laughs bitterly and the scraping of the fork on his plate is getting annoyingly loud. “Sanghyuk, my son, that best friend of yours is a boy kisser. Aren't you alarmed by that? The two of you have literally been glued by the hip since six. Can't we just worry about—”
“There's literally nothing to worry about. What are you saying?” Sanghyuk seethes back, gone is his appetite.
“Sanghyuk,” his mother rises from her seat. Of course, she needs to get in between the two of them even if it's obvious that she is on his husband's side. “You're getting disrespectful to your dad right now. I'm not liking your tone.”
“Maybe I would not try to talk back if you're just going to try to show some respect to Donghyun.” Sanghyuk doesn't clearly know if he's screaming or talking calmly to them. With this stupid flu he has, it's hard to hear the tone of his own voice. His parents are angry so he is. He can't just let them talk all that vile shit about his best friend while he is in front of them.
“So you're trying to defy us now just because of that fa—”
“Fuck, yes, I am!” Sanghyuk slams his fist on the table with such rage the utensils jump from the action. He shouldn't have screamed at Donghyun during that time when they were thirteen. That was just the product of this lifestyle he has with his parents, his overly conservative and religious parents. “I'm sick. Look, I'm literally sick! And I've also had enough! Donghyun's a gay. Yes, he is. What about it? And what about me? Yes, I probably am! Now, stop talking about him or else I'll also stop talking to the both of you from now on.”
He should not be coming out to his parents this way. He pictures this moment of revealing his identity with them and this isn't it. They are supposed to be talking calmly. Sanghyuk is supposed to be hugging them while they are comforting him. They are going to accept him, set aside their beliefs and open their hearts for him.
But instead he is snatching his phone and wallet in his room and tying his shoelace by the door.
“Where are you going, Sanghyuk? We're still not done about this!”
Sanghyuk wipes the tears on his cheeks and clutches his jacket tight on his body. He hasn't seen Donghyun for a little while now, he misses his best friend so much. Maybe Donghyun will try to take care of him while he is sick. Maybe Donghyun will let him comfort him back.
“To Donghyun.” He turns his head towards the dining room where they are waiting for him to walk back to them. “I-im sorry, mom and dad. But my best friend needs me right now.”
•••
“Have you kissed someone before, hyung?”
Sanghyuk could fall asleep right there and now. But Donghyun reaches for his hair and even though it is kind of short to be tucked behind his ears, the younger one still does it because he mostly can't keep his hands in one place. Sanghyuk opens his eyes and he sees on his lap the scripts they were fighting about earlier.
“What kind of dumb question is that? Of course I am. You see me getting trending with Hyesoo last year because the kiss was horrible.”
“Oh, yeah,” Donghyun perks up. “I remember it now.” But not even five seconds have passed, his eyes are drooping once again on Sanghyuk's lips. This time, he smooths his thumb over the crumpled part of Sanghyuk's shirt on the shoulder until he's basically just running over it mindlessly. He keeps doing it and each time that passes, it burns that part on Sanghyuk's skin. “Have you kissed someone before, hyung?”
“Donghyun, I know you're sleepy. And yes, I am. I professionally kissed Hyesoo last year.” Sanghyuk shrugs and the movement causes Donghyun's hand on his shoulder to slip down on his lap. “I can say the kiss was indeed horrible. The people's reactions to it are valid.”
Donghyun's eyes disappear for a moment as he giggles at him. Sometimes, his best friend just loves seeing him getting pissed by repeatedly saying the same thing. It's effective all the time and most of the time, Sanghyuk doesn't know if he wants to punch Donghyun's beautiful face or press his lips to his so he could shut up. “So, have you kiss—”
“Kim Donghyun, I swear to—”
“Have you kissed a boy before, hyung?”
They both know he has not done it before. Well, Sanghyuk has tried to kiss a boy before. If he could calculate it correctly, Leehan and Taesan were in their 5 months of relationship when Sanghyuk tried to kiss Jaehyun just so he could answer his own curiosity. Jaehyun was curious too after all so why not find it out together? But he and Jaehyun were both hesitant and kept playing around for an hour so they ended up just hysterically laughing and pushing each other. Sanghyuk realized he just can't just kiss Jaehyun who practically had a one sided love with this guy named Sungho.
He tries to ignore Donghyun's hand resting flatly on his lap and answers the question with honesty. “I have not.”
“So I will be the first?” Donghyun wiggles his brows with that silly smile of his. He looks sleepy, like someone drugged him to act this way to him.
Sanghyuk hates how Donghyun doesn't even try to tone down his relief. The younger can jump at him right now if he pleases to but Sanghyuk finds that he doesn't mind it. His hands are just clammy, he's sweating a little and he literally can't stop peeling the dried skin on his lips ever since Donghyun invited him to sit on his bed but these are all something he could just ignore. Because Donghyun wouldn't also mind it that he's being like this in front of him. They have talked about almost everything before. Seen each other's bare skin before. A kiss with his best friend will not tear them apart.
“Well, Hyesoo's my first kiss so actually, no.”
“She's a woman. I'm the opposite. Isn't it different?” Donghyun cranes his neck to the side, his long hair obscuring his wide doe eyes from the movement. It allows Sanghyuk to think that his best friend is not staring at him with that look he can't comprehend.
Sanghyuk can sometimes be bad at interpreting others. And based on his imaginary book entitled Kim Donghyun's Aura 101 he had managed to write in the course of their years of friendship, the younger one keeps on looking at him these past few weeks a little too fondly. The lovestruck one, where his eyes would twinkle a bit too bright and will trace down the outline of his lips like he wants to do something with it. But Sanghyuk doesn't want to misinterpret it.
“But aren't kisses all the same? Don't you think so, Donghyun-ah?” he answers back with a question. He copies Donghyun's position and puts his chin at the top of his palm. “You would press your lips with the other person's and that's literally it. I don't know what's so special about them.”
Donghyun hums and closes his eyes. As if he's letting Sanghyuk say whatever he wants because it would pass by from his ear to another. “Don't you also think you're speaking from your own experience? If there's one thing you should know about being an actor, it is that kisses are different each time. With different people. In different places. In different scenarios. Are you saying that because you and Hyesoo just literally pressed each other's lips together?”
Donghyun is basically just saying Riwoo is an inexperienced one. Between the two of them, he is the one that is bad at his job. Knowing that Sanghyuk was pushed by his parents into this industry when he was young, he doesn't really make too much effort to do well at acting. He is fairly good but not good enough to steal the show. Leehan could survive acting alone even without the usual partner in crime role with him meanwhile Riwoo is still struggling to identify what is a good project and what is not so he often ends up rejecting most of the offers to him. That half-ass kiss with Hyesoo was literally a testament to Riwoo that he is only good as a side character. He doesn't mind being often called as Leehan's shadow as he actually never seeks to surpass his friend. He's just simply content being able to exist in the same room to act with Leehan.
But things get a little crazier on his head ever since his nineteenth birthday. It also doesn't help that they don't do projects together anymore since they hit the age of 16, learning to go on separate ways and accepting different projects.
Riwoo misses acting with Leehan. Leehan would vocally express the same concern from time to time but Riwoo is just too shy to admit out loud that he feels exactly the same.
Until this crazy project.
•••
Donghyun's feet gracefully slides to the slippery floor when he takes a turn left as he tries to catch up with Sanghyuk. The older glances at his back for a few seconds before childishly ignoring him once again by proceeding to walk breezily than before. From someone else's point of view who doesn't know what is going on, they look like children running around the company's hallway with Donghyun trailing behind the older.
“Wait, are you for real, Lee Sanghyuk?! You can't just run away after pulling that shit!” Donghyun yells at the other end of the hallway, already on the verge of giving up to follow the older seeing the wide distance between them. Drawing Sanghyuk into shame is his last resort to not let him slip on his fingers that easily.
Just like Donghyun knows how the older will react, Sanghyuk freezes at the spot after feeling all the unwanted attention from the people watching the scene unfold. He slowly faces the younger and sees him from the other end while carrying that smug smile he only pulls every time he has just successfully driven his best friend to the pit of embarrassment. Sanghyuk silently hushes him by putting his finger on the top of his lips while trying his best as he can to avoid the eyes of others watching them with astonishment. Donghyun is shameless. Sanghyuk doesn't want the attention. They are different.
“This loud brat,” Sanghyuk whispers under his breath. He knows he can no longer escape Donghyun's wrath today even if he tries to jump from the third floor of the company building. So with resigned fate, Sanghyuk just watches Donghyun hops on his way to cross the distance between them until the younger is pulling him by the wrist to go somewhere away from earshot.
“We should talk,” Donghyun n respectfully waves to every employee they crossed on their path all while giving Sanghyuk this suspiciously looking sweet smile. His grip on the older only tightens but he just lets Donghyun drag him wherever he pleases to. “This is really crazy, no?”
“Yeah, indeed,” Sanghyuk curtly exhales. When Donghyun gently pushes him to the wall near the emergency exit, he really has no energy to react anymore after all that running.
“Should we breathe for a moment?” Donghyun suggests as he grips the older's shoulder.
He is too near for Sanghyuk's liking and he can practically hear them both taking a lungful of breath in unison. Their loud breaths mingle in the air with Donghyun finding support and balance to him. For what seems like an eternity, they stay in silence like that. Donghyun is always kind to give Sanghyuk the time to form his words when they have something serious to discuss. He will never prod but wait for him until he feels ready to voice out his thoughts. That's how their decade and years of friendship works and it might be one of the few secrets how they manage to stay this long.
Sanghyuk leans his head further into the wall and Donghyun catches he movement so he follows it by leaning his head further until his forehead touches Sanghyuk's shoulder. His hands are idly resting by his side and it irks to reach for Donghyun's hair so he could run it there. “I must have freaked you out earlier.”
“Yeah, hyung. You did,” Donghyun chuckles sarcastically as if the way he almost jumped from his seat when Sanghyuk entered the meeting room earlier was not enough evidence. He saw how Donghyun scrambled to stand up so he could greet him and the other people who entered the room.
“I-im sorry, okay? I didn't actually mean to catch you by surprise.” Sanghyuk unconsciously plucks out a loose thread poking at the end of his sweatshirt. He looks up at the ceiling above them and he can feel Donghyun practically all leaning his weight against him. Donghyun is supposed to be mad at him but he is currently acting like a clingy and devastated puppy. “Wait, shit, my shoulder's breaking. Get out of me first.”He slaps the younger's back and pushes his forehead out of his shoulder making Donghyun backs away a fair distance. He feels like he can breathe again.
“You've gotten a lot meaner these days, huh? You literally have tons of explanations to do and you're suddenly complaining about me being heavy?” Donghyun rambles as he paces around the place until he decides to crouch down beside him like, again, a dejected puppy. “I haven't seen you physically for months and you're going to appear like that? Are you really trying to kill me?”
“Look, Donghyun-ah,” Sanghyuk follows suit by crouching down. He laid out his palms in front of him. “Manager Yoon doesn't let me meet you before the announcement of the cast. I was about to call you to bear the news myself but he stopped me. He said bullshit things like 'taking my best friend by surprise'. Because you like surprises, right? Like those Japanese prank shows you're always talking about.” he quotes his words in the air while rolling his eyes.
“So, are you saying these are all just a prank? That you're really not meant to play that ro—”
“Of course I am meant to play Haesoo! You saw it earlier!” Sanghyuk exclaims due to the pent up frustration because Donghyun is suddenly accusing him of playing such pranks on him. He withers in his place when Donghyun just stares at him in amusement from the sudden outburst, flaring him red on the cheeks. He hides half of his face on his elbow and chooses to speak calmly this time. “But I should have consulted you first before I accepted the role. I knew damn well that you're gonna be playing Jaehee but hid it from you when they offered me to be Haesoo. After not hanging out with you for months... this is how I'm gonna show my face to you again. I even tried to run away earlier. You can actually curse me to hell right now and I'm going to let you. Donghyun, I'm so sorry.”
His voice is shaking and he is drawing near to tears. The younger can kick him in the ass and walk away but he remains beside him. If anything, Donghyun grows more comfortable to sit on the floor of this dingy place. Donghyun replies shortly after by weakly musing, “But why?”
This is a question Sanghyuk knows very well to answer. He thought about it the other day while preparing for the meeting of the casts today and he managed to form a whole paper paragraph that states why he did accept doing this complicated project with Donghyun.
“I just think it would be great, you know? To act with you again. Like during those times before we turned sixteen. I know this is not the usual silly-goofy duo roles we used to play before but I want to do this because you would be here.” Sanghyuk solemnly glanced at Donghyun who was looking back at him and saw not even a single judgment on his friends' gaze. “Also, my contract is expiring next year. We have talked about this before but... yeah, I've already decided to take dancing seriously. My parents' not gonna care anymore, I am free to draw the path on my own.”
But there were still a lot of unsaid reasons he couldn't bear to say aloud.
Because I also miss my best friend. I miss acting with you. I want this to be the last project I will do with you.
Because I also felt like that night on my nineteenth birthday, a lot had shifted between us but nothing at all. We are the same Sanghyuk and Donghyun before. But how come I learned to love you more?
“You're not gonna back out?” concern laces on Donghyun's voice as he clutches Sanghyuk's sweatshirt like he is afraid the latter will change his mind anytime soon. The older firmly shakes his head. Donghyun levels his face on Sanghyuk's ear and whispers, “You hate kissing bo—”
“Look, again, Kim Donghyun,” Sanghyuk cuts Donghyun off. He rubs his fingers against his temple as he could feel the headache coming to get worse with all these explanations he needs to clear with his friend. “I know my apology about that is long overdue but I want to say it to you now. I'm deeply sorry for screaming and saying those to you that day. I was so immature before. My previous beliefs were mostly influenced by my family but I swear it's totally different and changed now.”
Beside him, Donghyun starts laughing uncontrollably. Sanghyuk doesn't exactly know what is going on but soon later on, he follows his best friend until their laughs echo across the place.
“Hyung likes boys now.”
Without hesitation, Sanghyuk leans his head on Donghyun's shoulder. The younger links their arms together. ”Yeah, definitely.”
•••
“Heh, I don't know. What's even a good kiss anyway?”
Donghyun starts rubbing own nape as he looks down at the sheets of paper scattered on his bed and on Sanghyuk's lap. Sanghyuk hears his best friend counting in a hushed voice as he taps his fingers on his cheeks.
He knows those actions really well. Donghyun is trying to get into his character. All of a sudden. Without any verbal warning but only his damn mannerisms of tapping any surface he could tap while counting one to ten. Sanghyuk braces himself for the next moment.
JAEHEE
You need to know people are different from one another, Haesoo. You can't just say that—that they are all the same. That those bastards are the same as me. You sound a lot like those rich ass people who think others are only experiencing the same shallow problem they have. Like—like you don't know how to differentiate things. Like you didn't just say to me that I am different. Like you didn't feel it.
Jaehee grabs Haesoo's wrist to stop him from walking away.
Donghyun circles his hand on his wrist. But Sanghyuk could barely feel it. He wishes Donghyun could press it harder.
Haesoo slaps Jaehee's hands away. Haesoo stays still at his place.
Yet Donghyun holds it tighter than before and Sanghyuk doesn't try to pry it away.
HAESOO
/points finger at Jaehee's face/
Stop comparing me to those people. You're literally one of those rich ass people you're comparing me to! So what in the hell are you talking about?
Jaehee laughs shortly. He walks in a circle while biting his nails and running his hands with his hair. He raises his hands in the air like he wants to yell something at Haesoo but ends up ruffling his hair in frustration.
Haesoo looks at him blankly. There are tears on Haesoo's eyes. His lips are trying not to quiver.
JAEHEE
/pleads/
Can you just—please, Haesoo—hear me out?
Donghyun almost soundlessly whispers. His grips are now on both of Sanghyuk's shoulders and they could fall on the mattress underneath if Donghyun would dare to push him. Sanghyuk furrows his brows as he is trying to remember what he is supposed to do on this particular part. He had just read the script today and that clearly wasn't enough time to memorize it although he had been repeatedly reading this scene earlier. He almost looks like he is wincing from the feather light force on Donghyun's grip when it's just his actually his mind getting blank.
He knows this isn't the right to break his character. Donghyun is no doubt too immersed in his role by now and if he ruins it, he doesn't think he could show himself to his best friend again due to embarrassment.
“It's okay, hyung,” Donghyun whispers in his ear after noticing the gear running on his head. “You don't need to take this seriously.”
Sanghyuk sometimes wonders how natural Donghyun could do it. To go back to his role as fast as he starts being back to his usual self. It's almost scary but he is more in awe. He can't count how many things about Donghyun he adores because there's a lot to like about him. Even more to love about him.
JAEHEE
I can make it feel different. Trust me, Haesoo.
HAESOO
/hesitant/
I d-don't know. Don't think so.
Haesoo shakes his head. But he lets Jaehee reach for his right hand.
Donghyun's eyes are blown out wide and if it's only humanly possible, his pupils are taking all the white space in it. Near or far, Sanghyuk has always been drawn to it like a vacuum in outer space. He doesn't want to think about it but it's almost intimate how the younger cups his cheeks on his palm, flushed as red apple. Sanghyuk's face is warm but so is Donghyun's skin, he can't help but to suck into a deep breath.
Jaehee should be stepping backwards away from Haesoo. He remembers the words written on the script that had already fallen on his lap the moment Donghyun suddenly surges in at him. Haesoo is the one to chase him back. He will reach for Jaehee and kiss him.
This isn't the case though.
“I can make you feel different, Sanghyuk.”
Jaehee isn't supposed to be saying that. Worse, say his real name. They are not in the world of Sanghyuk and Donghyun right now.
Then Sanghyuk's back is falling to the bed and Donghyun is pressing their lips together. He can't seem to disagree anymore at the sudden turn of events.
When he asked Donghyun earlier what a good kiss feels like, he didn't expect the younger to take things seriously and prove it to him. It was bad with Hyesoo. He remembers feeling the relief wash over his body when they pulled away as the director finally finished the scene and regretted inside after having his first kiss taken away like that.
But this unserious practice with Donghyun is already eating every bit of his insanity with just a soft land of lips meeting him. Donghyun doesn't press hard because he's always been gentle to him like that. Donghyun never touches him enough unlike what he wishes for him to.
Sanghyuk yearns for more. He wishes this could be something out of their job. Something to go on as he takes a different path from Donghyun soon.
“You can touch me, you know?” Donghyun whispers against his lips as if he just reads what's on his mind. He rubs his thumb against Sanghyuk's cheeks before craning his face sideward so their noses wouldn't carelessly bump.
Sanghyuk's hands are flailing awkwardly in the air as he remain motionless but Donghyun asks him to touch him. So like an obedient man as he is, he puts his hands around the younger's shoulder to get them both impossibly closer. He doesn't notice when he did he close his eyes but even as the world is dark against him now, Donghyun's all over his senses. He's too aware but clueless at the same time. Donghyun is kissing him but his lips remains clamp shut with withheld breath.
Donghyun presses his thumb harder on his jaw and it rocks Sanghyuk to sudden surprise that causes him to gasp for air. Not even a minute of simple brushes and light press of lips towards each other, Sanghyuk is already breathless. And it must be the Donghyun's goal today to cut his line of oxygen because his tongue is suddenly inside Sanghyuk's mouth, prodding and testing whether the smaller would let him stay or not.
Sanghyuk blindly finds Donghyun's nape, his touch lingers to the damp skin for little too long until he's casually carding his fingers in between the long and soft fringe of Donghyun's hair. When they were younger, Donghyun loved it when Sanghyuk would play on his hair as his head rested on his friend's lap. It has been awhile since Sanghyuk touches his hair like this which he doesn't remember to be this long before. It must significantly cause something to Donghyun because he feels the man shiver on top of him and the growing desperation of proving to Sanghyuk that he can make him feel different is getting stronger with each strip of tongue and caress on cheeks.
Donghyun has already proven it to him years ago. He doesn't feel normal when he's with him. But Sanghyuk still relinquished the physical experience of today and not just by some longing gazes and hasty acts he tried to come out to be as friendly as he could before.
The combination of their tastes are odd on Sanghyuk's tongue. Donghyun who is sweet and sour as the jellies and him who tasted like a rustic pipe from the blood on his dried and peeling lips. The younger rolls his tongue and licks all the untouched corners on his mouth and on it radiates a smile—Sanghyuk thinks maybe Donghyun doesn't mind the taste. Or his friend had just grown used to ignoring it because he had kissed so many before, tasted so many before that's why kissing Sanghyuk and tasting the metallic tinge of blood on their shared saliva is something easy to not mind.
And it makes him feel stupider than he was seconds ago. Sanghyuk is just one of those many people. This might really be nothing so special. Hell, this is practice afterall. The sudden subsiding emotion is starting to overwhelm him that he doesn't notice the force of grip he has on Donghyun's hair and his teeth enclosing on other's wandering tongue.
He hears Donghyun winces from the bite and just like that, Sanghyuk is instantly pushing him away. He's useless here. Donghyun has been the only doing all this work here and his only exchange was him accidentally biting his friend's tongue.
He only notices the abnormal rise of temperature in the room when they finally pull away. The cozy dim light on the ceiling is hurting his eyes and he keeps blinking to regain his wilthing consciousness. Donghyun blinks back in front of him with still not enough distance to separate them apart. He's so near he could count the small dots of freckles spread across his cheeks. Their breaths are both ragged and loud amidst the stillness of the surroundings like they were previously drowning if not just for Sanghyuk pushing them out of the waves of the sea.
He curls a fists on Donghyun to make him listen to him. He stares straight into his friend's eyes, he needs him to listen to him. “I-i’m so sorry I am just... just so bad at this,” he says with a shaking voice, clearly embarrassed for what he did. The tears are just waiting at the bay, ready to come out and seal the last nail on his coffin. He doesn't like it when he's hurting people. It happens to be Donghyun today and he's secretly emotional most of the time because of him.
“Hey, hey, it's okay,” Donghyun attempts to shush him when it becomes evident he's going to cry soon. “Are you gonna cry? Hyung, I'm clearly fine. It barely hurts, I swear.” He assures him once again by wiping the single tears that fall on his cheeks.
“No,” Sanghyuk shakes his head in a futile attempt to get away from the younger one when he's all he could reach at this moment. “I don't think I'll ever be able to do it properly. I just bit you and it was so—”
“Good,” Donghyun casually brushes him off and then he's giving that smile to Sanghyuk again with his eyes forming a beautiful crescent. “Come bite me again, hyung.”
A red blaring siren erupts on Sanghyuk's head. “What?!”
Donghyun is leaning on him once more. Sanghyuk doesn't resist. They both want this.
•••
“It's done, hyung.”
Sanghyuk contentedly wiggles his socked toes in the air after Donghyun had helped him wear it for him. “Thank you, Donghyun-ah.”
“You're more than welcome. Shall we go to sleep now?”
Sanghyuk sits up straight after hearing him say those words and catches Donghyun's wrist who is about to stand up and lift the blanket beside them. It's like he doesn't want to sleep or doesn't want to end this day but in reality, he wants to do and say something once more before he rests tonight beside Donghyun. The taller waits with expectancy on his eyes and Sanghyuk fights his will not to break the contact.
“Wait. Can I kiss you again?”
No matter how shameless Donghyun can be most of the time, there's still a lot of instances wherein he would get shy. It's on how he would flutter his eyes slowly and bite his lips to stop the smile from spreading wide. He is exactly like that now as Sanghyuk asked him for a kiss one more time as if they've just not eaten each other's face awhile ago until Sanghyuk had grown confident at kissing him. Until all the unsaid thoughts came pouring out earlier. Until they realized that it would only take a stupid request from Donghyun to turn their relationship into a different light.
Donghyun hums shortly and Sanghyuk kneels in front of him before pressing their lips together once more. They didn't move and there are no tongues involved anymore. It is just a simple flat kiss, like two exploring innocent boys from highschool who mutually agreed to be each other's first kiss. They are not each other's first kiss but they could pretend.
It stays for like a minute until Sanghyuk pulls away because he feels like Donghyun is moving anytime soon. Donghyun laughs shyly, somehow disappointed. “What was that for?”
Sanghyuk looks down his own hand resting on his lap and Donghyun's are not far away so he reaches both of it and clasp it with his own. “Nothing. Just a promise. This will gonna stay for long between us, right?”
Donghyun squeezes his hands back and silently nods. He gets it right away.
“Even when I'm away—not on this job anymore, just know I will stay.”
Donghyun pulls him for a tight and warm hug and on his temple, he sweetly whispers to Sanghyuk he loves him. This is something that will surely stay for long.
Sanghyuk can easily sum up this night in two simple and short sentences. It goes something like this: He and Donghyun kissed a lot tonight. He makes him feel so damn different.