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Summary
Yeah, it hurts, but it's good. Carmy's learning. He's getting sharper every day, he can feel it. For as many of Chef's insults as Carmy knows aren't true (he shouldn't be dead, not yet -- and he isn't too fat or too short or too dumb or too poor to get the job done), there are a thousand more that are absolutely true. He really doesn't deserve to be here. He really is a piece of shit, and no one would deny it, not even back home. He needs rough treatment to stay on track, and he doesn't need anyone lying to him to make him feel better. You don't become the best by being pampered.
He just wishes he could become the best without also becoming so terrified at the thought of going to work that he barfs up his Cheerios.