Chapter Text
Hoshino Ai had a dream made up of recent actions. She saw the cheerful president, Ichigo Saito, having fun and drinking expensive sake, celebrating Ai's upcoming concert at the Tokyo Dome. She saw a large shampoo advert with her face on it, radiating a bright light, a glow that was typical of idols. She saw the moments when she practiced her «pro smile», a fake smile that she wore to make everyone around her happy. She saw the day she gave birth, and the obstetrician-gynecologist who was supposed to deliver her baby, for some unknown reason, did not show up.
Ai liked that doctor, despite being a fan of hers, he accepted her and did not judge Ai. Perhaps he was the only person who treated her like a real human. However, a lot of time had passed under the bridge since then, three whole years… Unfortunately, she no longer remembered his name.
However, another vision appeared that happened just recently.
That day, Aqua and Ruby were sitting on the couch in the living room, talking about something, when Ai walked by. Her eyes widened as she heard their conversation.
— «I'm trying not to think a lot about it, but…», — Aqua began to speak, keeping a calm face, — «I really wonder who our father is.»
After saying that, Aqua turned a little pale and grimaced, continuing to speak with his eyes narrowed.
— «Ugh… my heart is starting to hurt from this.»
— «You idiot», — Ruby told him, looking at him with a dispassionate and empty gaze, and then continued:
— «Are you worried about such nonsense?»
Ruby looked Aqua straight in the eyes, and then her face darkened, and her tone changed to a darker one:
— «It was obviously an immaculate conception. Mom never had a boyfriend!»
Listening to their conversation from the side, Ai felt a little uneasy. She was very confused by the conclusion they had come to. The girl did not want her children to have a bad opinion of her, so she wanted to dispel their misconception.
That same day, the idol called her ex. She went to a pay phone, putting on a black sweater, a cap and sunglasses, hoping that no one would recognize her in a short period of time. All she had to do was make a call, then run to there and back again, right?
Having thrown a few yen into the machine and dialed the number, Ai put the phone to her ear, listening to the beeps…
She did not have to wait long, because after a few seconds the beeps stopped, and a polite voice of a young man was heard: «Hello? Kamiki speaking.»
It was him, Hikaru Kamiki, Ai could not confuse this polite tone and voice with anyone else. Although she had a bad memory for names, as if in spite of herself, she could not forget this name. Taking a deep breath and gathering strength, courage and patience, Ai began to speak:
— «Hi, the kids have grown up a lot», — Ai said in a carefree voice, then with a hint of a demand she quickly continued:
— «Maybe you’ll come and see them at least once?»
A small laugh was heard from the other side, after which the young man asked in a polite, slightly mocking tone: «Are you trying to get back together with me?»
Ai exhaled again, trying to get rid of the unpleasant irritation from the question.
— «No, I’m not trying to get back together with you.»
There was silence from the other side for a while. There was no breathing, no whispering, no anything else, just silence. This silence did not last long until the guy on the other end of the phone said: «I don’t think they’ll accept me…»
Ai thought about his statement for a while. In some ways, he was right. Seeing a young Ai with three-year-old children and trying to imagine the image of their father, some grown-up men started to creep into her head. However, what would Ruby and Aqua say when they found out that Hikaru was a year younger than her? How would they feel about the fact that when Ai gave birth at sixteen, Hikaru was only fifteen? How would they look at their mother after that?
Trying to drive bad thoughts out of her head and return to reality, Ai answered in a calm and unhurried voice:
— «The kids are very smart, I’m sure they’ll understand everything.»
A sigh was heard from the other side, followed by a few seconds of silence, which were interrupted by another, encouraging question. «Okay… In that case, can you tell me your new address?»
— «Yes, my new address is…»
…
.
.
***
And here again Ai saw the cheerful Ichigo Saito, who was waving an expensive sake in a glass, and under whose arm was sitting Aqua, his face reflected dislike if his hair was ruffled.
— «THE NUMBER OF VIEWS OF THE DRAMA AI IS GOING TO A NEW RECORD! AND WE HAVE A LOT OF JOB OFFERS! IN ADDITION, YOU WILL BE PERFORMING AT THE TOKYO DOME STAGE NEXT WEEK!» — Saito exclaimed, when his sake almost began to spill out of the glass from another wave of his hand: — «HAHAHAHA!»
Ichigo, as he usually does when drunk, began to share his joys, and then dreamed of the Tokyo Dome. His cheeks were flushed from the alcohol he had consumed, and he had an enthusiastic smile on his face.
After asking Miyako Saito, Ai learned more about this arena.
The girl's attention was distracted by Saito, who addressed her in a more serious tone, as if demanding an answer from her. behavior and attitude.
— «Try not to get involved in scandals. And don't even think about such stupid things as, for example, meeting with an ex!»
She looked at him and smiled at him again, a fake smile:
— «I know.»
It was a lie
.
.
…
***
Hoshino's sleep was disturbed by the alarm clock. The time showed 10:30. Sighing heavily, rubbing her eyes, preparing for a new day full of lies, Ai turned off the alarm that went off.
She got out of bed, stretched, and then began to get dressed. Putting on a gray turtleneck, black tights and a white kitchen apron, she headed to her children's room. Her thoughts were occupied with what she could make for breakfast.
Aqua woke up with his mother, but Ruby was still asleep. He didn't want to wake his sister, but he wanted to tell his mother something, so he gestured for her to come over. Ai walked up to Aqua and leaned over, turning her ear to the baby's mouth.
— «Happy birthday, Ai!»
A smile spread across Ai's face. She felt some kind of heaviness in her chest, but at the same time, warmth. No one except children had ever made her feel something like this… Something pleasant.
A spark instantly flashed in Hoshino's head. Feeling something pleasant, but unfamiliar, various thoughts began to appear in her head. Ai still didn't understand what this feeling was, she wasn't sure if this was the feeling she had spent 20 years searching for.
She opened her mouth, and was about to answer him, when suddenly she was overcome by fear, fear of lies. Ai had lied so much, basically her entire life. Since she was twelve, when she heard that a lie could become the truth, she began to lie, to lie, to cheat… She lied with all her heart, hoping that the lie would actually become the truth. She wanted to love and be loved, that was the truth. However, over the past eight years, Ai had already stopped understanding what was a lie and what was the truth.
In the three years that Ai lived under the same roof with her children, she had never once said a simple «I love you» to them. She could lie to her fans about loving them as much as she wanted, sing about romantic feelings and other joys that Ai had never known. However, the thought of telling Aqua and Ruby «I love you» and then realizing that she had lied again scared Ai more than anything else.
Ai's struggle with her fear was interrupted by the doorbell. She turned around, looking at the apartment door, suspecting that Hikaru was standing behind it.
She exhaled and headed for the door. There was no one else who could come except for Hikaru. Ai walked towards the door frivolously, thinking about how to introduce the children to their father.
Slowly opening the door, Ai peeked out from behind it and looked at the guy who was standing at the threshold with a beautiful bouquet of white roses. The guy was tall, wearing a black hoodie and jeans. He had long… Dark brown hair and brown eyes? Wait a minute…
— «Ai…» — he said in an ominous voice when his crazy eyes met Ai's. — «Congratulations on your performance at the Tokyo Dome… How are the kids?»
Ai felt the world around her begin to shake, the ground slipping away from under her feet, and a squealing and humming sound appeared in her ears. Before she could feel fear and shock, a cold, sharp blade of a knife pierced her stomach. A sharp pain made Ai clutch her stomach, but it was too late. The white apron, the floor, the doors, the walls, Ai's hands and the white rose petals lying on the floor were rapidly absorbing the blood and turning dark red.
She stepped back, leaving the bloody knife in the guy's hands, and letting the blood drip from it.
The guy standing at the threshold laughed evilly, looking at the legendary idol bleeding.
— «HA HA… It hurts?» It hurts me more!!! I suffered more!!! You gave birth to children, even though you are an idol…!»
The guy stepped forward, stepping over the threshold of the apartment. He continued to yell in a voice saturated with hatred.
— «You… You betrayed your fans! You insulted us! I'm sure you made fun of us behind our backs. You damn liar!!!»
Aqua, hearing the noise, ran to its source… After which a cold sweat appeared on his forehead. He immediately rushed to Ai, trying to help her stay on her feet.
Trying to stay on her feet, to keep her balance from the pain, Ai leaned on Aqua, after which, through the lump in her throat, she tried to tell the truth, to tell the truth about herself, which she practically did not tell to anyone…
— «I have always been irresponsible, such a hopeless person I am who does not even know what it means to love. So, I always told myself that lies will make people happy. In the hope that one day, lies will become the truth. I worked hard, persistently went towards the goal, and told lies to everyone. For me, lies are a form of love. I showed love in my own way. I don’t know if I loved you, but I always sang those songs with the thought that I wanted to love you.»
Ai began to stretch her bloody hand towards the guy, looking into his eyes and writhing in pain.
— «Even now, I want to love you.»
Fear and panic appeared on the boy’s face. He looked like he had made the worst mistake of his life. He looked like he had killed the wrong person… He stepped back from Ai and, with disbelief, started screaming, although he himself was struggling with hysteria
— «Liar… You don't even remember who I am, you're just trying to come up with excuses!»
— «Ryusuke-kun, right?» — the guy's eyes instantly widened when he felt a needle piercing his heart, and his soul sinking into his heels.
— «You came to almost all of my concerts. Wait, isn't that right?» — Ai lightly tapped her finger on her temple. — «Sorry, I'm bad at remembering names. I really liked that star sand you gave me. It's still in my room.»
Ryusuke had completely lost his previous anger. Now he stood in front of her, realizing the full horror of his actions and regretting them. His body was paralyzed by fear and guilt, his legs grew heavy, and cold sweat appeared on his face.
— What… What does this mean…», — Ryusuke muttered, backing away towards the exit. His eyes widened in shock, panic, hysteria, and fear, and he ran away screaming under his breath: — «THIS CAN’T BE TRUE…!»
Ai sighed in relief, looking at the uninjured Aqua. She rushed to the front door and immediately closed it. She started to walk back, but she could only reach the entrance to the living room. She leaned on the translucent door, sliding down it to the floor. All this time, Aqua was talking on the phone.
— «AI! I CALLED AN AMBULANCE!»
— «Heh… I let my guard down. This is what door chains are for… They didn't teach me that in the orphanage.»
— «DON'T TALK!»
Aqua ran to his mother and began to press on the wound, trying to stop the bleeding
— «DAMN! RIGHT ON THE ABDOMINAL AORTA…!»
Ai grabbed Aqua with her hand, then pulled his head to her chest.
— «I'm sorry… I know for sure that I can't stand it… Are you okay, are you hurt?»
— «No…»
Ruby's voice began to be heard from the other side of the door. She came running at the dull sound of Ai falling on the door. And when she saw traces of blood on the other side, she began to hit the door.
— «HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?!»
— «What's going on there.?» — The most terrible thoughts and fears entered the poor girl's head.
Suddenly, Ai began to speak through the pain and agony, with her last strength, to at least say goodbye… Her heartbeat slowed down, her body grew cold and her skin turned pale. The smell of rust began to envelop everything around Ai.
— «Ruby, your dance at the festival… It was really cool! You know, I thought that Ruby could become a great idol in the future…», — Ai dreamily raised her head up and clutched Aqua tighter. — «If everything goes according to plan, you'll be the first child of an idol to become an idol. It'll be incredible! And Aqua will become an actor… I wonder what kind of people you'll grow up to be.»
Ai tilted her head up and sighed as if she was dreaming of the good old days.
— «Ah, school days! I'd like to see your entrance ceremony. And in your class, I'd like to hear the kids say: ‘Ruby has such a young mother? ’ I want to see you grow up, along with you.»
Lowering her head again, Ai sighed again, her voice bitter and trembling. She ran her hand through Aqua's hair and continued:
— «I wasn't a very good mother, but I'm glad I gave you life…»
Feeling that her time was running out, she began to frantically remember what she needed to say goodbye to, what she needed to say before she left them forever…
— «Um, what else… Ah, I need to say.»
Ai began to turn around to face the door, sitting on the floor. She leaned her bloody hand on the door, and looking at Ruby through the murky surface of the door, she began to say her last words. Her quiet voice was shaking, she was out of breath, and her body was almost not listening to her.
— «Ruby… Aqua… I love you…»
Bitter tears began to drip from the corners of her eyes, running down her cheeks and dripping into Aqua's hair.
— «Ah… I did it… Sorry, it took too long… Ah… I'm so glad… Those words… Right… They weren't a lie…»
With those words, Ai let out her last breath. The bright white stars in her tear-stained eyes began to fade until they went out completely. A smile froze on her face… Ai's glassy, lifeless eyes, which seemed to Aqua like the brightest stars in the endless sky, continued to look at him.
The children tried to bring her back to life for a long time, tried to shout at her, shook her from side to side, denying reality. For them at that moment, there was nothing more desirable than to hear her voice again, to feel her warmth again…