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Perry the Platypus shot into his lair at precisely eight in the morning and listened attentively to Major Monogram.
“Ah, good morning Agent P. Our sources tell us that Doofenshmirtz has been watching large amounts of game shows.” Perry shrugged; he really didn’t watch game shows himself and didn’t see the evil applications. ”We don't know what this means, but nothing good can come from it. We need you to get to the bottom of this. The future of Wheel of Fortune is depending on you. Man, Pat Sajak is the best.”
“You know, sir, Pat Sajak retired from hosting recently,” Carl cut in.
“Really? Without him and Alex Trebek, how will viewers have any consistency?” Monogram demanded. “Oh, Agent P, you’re still here. Go stop Doofenshmirtz. Monogram out.”
Perry saluted and took his jetpack to Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated. He landed, and immediately, he found himself inside a box made of dark blue glass.
“Ah, Perry the Platypus, how do you like your trap? It's based on the color scheme of the quintessential game show, Jeopardy. I've been watching some old episodes lately, and I have to tell you - those people are smart. The super champs especially. They know things that even I, an evil genius, do not.” Doofenshmirtz walked around Perry's box as he continued talking.
“I realized that if I had the intelligence and knowledge of just one of these contestants, I would definitely be able to take over the Tri-State Area. And so, I created this…the Jeopardy-inator! With it I can duplicate the knowledge of any Jeopardy contestant and put it into my own brain. Can you guess, Perry the Platypus, which contestant’s knowledge I will absorb? Well, in all the episodes I watched, there is one man I found especially interesting. He is called…James Holzhauer. You see, in various episodes from a couple years ago, he is introduced as a “game show villain,” and I am totally cool with that. Unfortunately, he also donates a lot of time and money to charity, which…calls into question his evilness.” Perry rolled his eyes at that. He highly doubted any Jeopardy contestant had actually evil intentions. He started sawing an opening into the glass trap.
“Anyway, he won a bunch of games and tournaments, so he must have the knowledge I need to take over the Tri-State Area. The -inator is locked onto his location in Las Vegas and is ready to go. All I need to do is press this button, and -” Perry escaped his trap and slammed into Doofenshmirtz, knocking him to the ground.
“Oh, so you have escaped Perry the Platypus. Well, in the words of Sam Buttry, "Bring It!”” Doofenshmirtz crowed. He grabbed Perry’s wrist and slammed him to the ground. By the time Perry managed to stand again, Doofenshmirtz was brandishing two small pointy sticks at him.
“Ha ha, how do you like these knitting needles? I got them out after seeing Victoria Groce's recent queen-like prowess. You know, I think that knitting persona is what made her return so successful.” Perry rolled out of the way of Heinz's needles and tried to run towards the machine.
“Take some Potpourri!” Doofenshmirtz threw a jar of the stuff towards Perry and the glass shattered, but all that was inside was some ropes that tried and failed to capture the platypus.
Doofenshmirtz pulled a lever and game show podiums fell from the ceiling.
“You’re in double jeopardy now, Perry the Platypus!” Perry slid under the podiums unscathed, almost reaching the Jeopardy-inator.
“Stop! Get away from there, I still need to fire that!” Doofenshmirtz pulled another lever, and this time a television fell from the sky, trapping Perry again. Heinz ran towards the -inator and hit a big blue button. A ray shot out of the machine into the skyline. The machine then shot a second ray at Doofenshmirtz himself.
“Perry the Platypus, now you will tremble before my newly acquired knowledge! Now, let's see. What do I know?” Perry glared from his trap. “Do I know advanced political science? Engineering?” After a moment of thought, Doofenshmirtz frowned.
“You know, I really overestimated how deeply James knows all those topics. Maybe I should have shot Ken Jennings. He was a software engineer; I bet that is knowledge that could be used to take over the Tri-State Area.”
Doofenshmirtz continued, “I would have thought a game show villain would have more helpful knowledge. I do know a ridiculous amount about WWE. How is that even useful information?” Perry looked around his trap and found a release switch that Doofenshmirtz had for some reason put on the inside of the television. He leaped towards the Jeopardy-inator, as Doofenshmirtz continued his thoughts.
“I don’t even know much about literature. Does James ever read?” Perry ran towards the -inator and pressed the reverse button. The machine shot a beam at Doofenshmirtz and then out over the skyline. It then exploded.
“Curse you Perry the Platypus! And also James Holzhauer for not actually having helpful super-villain knowledge!” Perry jumped out of Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated and headed towards home. After this battle, he would have to check Jeopardy out himself.