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“We shouldn’t do this.”
Velvette smirked, obviously unbothered by Valentino’s last moment regrets. She took a picture of them both in front of the pet store. “YOLO, Val.”
“We’re dead, babydoll.” He didn’t bother smiling for the picture. “Are you posting that?”
“Obviously not now. Last thing we need is for Vox to realize we’re doing this.”
They kept swapping back and forth on who was most reluctant. This morning, Val had felt great about the plan. Velvette had tried to talk him out of it. He wished he had let her do it. The last thing he needed was for Vox to have another shark. Not just any shark, but one which could walk on land.
Then again, the day before yesterday he had talked Velvette back into it. All for Vox. The man needed something more and Valentino would give him something more. Even if he hated it.
“Now come on, you pissbaby. We probably won’t even find anything suitable.”
Oh. Was that why Velvette felt so confident? She didn’t think they would agree on any of the landsharks here. Wanted to get it over with. Then why take any pictures? She could never post them or Vox would be breathing down both of their necks in his next obsessive manic state. Val rolled his eyes and followed her inside.
It stunk. Of course it did. Dead fish and saltwater. Val’s wings clung to his frame even more tightly. He needed higher heels to have kept his wings from brushing up against the floor.
“Don’t be like that. There’s worse stuff on your studio’s floors.”
Val gave Velvette’s comment a mean smile. She smirked in response.
“You!” Velvette turned away, pointing at the only person in the shop. “Shark breeder person. We told you we were coming. You’re ready for us, yeah?”
The hellhound bounded over, clearly excited by their arrival. Not excited in the right way. Val could tell straight up she only cared to talk about the landsharks. She had a similar expression on her face as Vox did right before he got into it. Not that their faces were in any way similar. It was a vibe.
Val was good with vibes, which was why he knew he would hate it here. He fumbled with his lighter as he tried to light up. It took a little too long. He could see the shop owner wanted to say something about it, but she quickly remembered her place and didn’t. “Of course! Miss Velvette, Mister Valentino! Pleased to have you here. Whatever you need!”
“First of all, do these things come with crates?” Velvette glanced at the landsharks in the front pen. They had gone from staring out the window to staring through the fence at them inside. Wagging their tails like rats.
Er, dogs. Whatever.
“Of course! Also we have a delivery service, if you wish for one of our cars to bring this new member of your family to the home for you!”
She beamed. Val and Velvette made a face. This would not be a new member of his family.
Who was he kidding? Vox would adore this shitty thing more than Val. He hated it. Why had he ever suggested it to Velvette? Why had she ever agreed? Why hadn’t they both been on the same page at any time and stopped this madness before they went and got Vox something they had both told him he couldn’t get a hundred times over?
“Are they all babies?” Val asked instead. They seemed small.
“Currently I only have puppies for sale,” the breeder agreed. “The younger they are, the more easily they bond! They can become very protective and aggressive when they get older and it’s harder for them to grow affection for new people.”
Great. Just what he needed. A pet that wouldn’t want Val taking Vox away from it.
“Protective is good. Some idiot may think he’s always watching his back, but he can get distracted.” Velvette tapped a finger against her lip.
Val chittered before he could stop himself.
“Go ahead and give them a closer look!” the hellhound urged. “This litter is currently very friendly.”
“Currently.” Velvette smirked, grabbing Val by the arm. “Thanks.”
Reluctantly, he was dragged to the fence where the different pups jumped up to get a good look at them.
“We should go.”
“How about you trust me for once, hm?” Velvette sneered. “How about that?”
“Do you really want us to go home with one of these?” Val shot back.
“Me liking them has nothing to do with it!”
Val glared at the happy creatures. The mat under them had cheerful seashell patterns on it. There was a pool on the right side of the enclosure, which none of them were in. The smell of fish and meat came most potently from a set of dishes.
“Do they eat Sinners?” Valentino asked.
The Hellhound gulped. “They can! They eat all flesh. And they can have bones. Bone shards don’t bother them. They are great for cleanup after a killing.”
Velvette smiled. “Are they? That’s a point in their favour.”
“But I like leaving a mess,” Val complained.
“You can leave a mess! But it all has to be cleaned up eventually. Can we see them eat?”
That perked the hellhound up. “I’ve got some steaks you can give them.”
Velvette did not give. She tossed hers in and most of them went over, tearing it apart with their sharpened teeth. Despite running over each other, they didn’t fight. Most of them got at least one bite.
One hadn’t run over. It looked… really stupid. It sat, staring up at Valentino’s steak as if staying behind meant it would get more.
Val chuckled. “Is that smart or stupid of you, pescado?” Leaning over the top of the fence, he lowered the meat into the landshark’s mouth.
It jumped onto the meat, digging its claws in, and bit down on Val’s hand.
“¡Malparido!” He tried to shake it off, but it didn’t go anywhere. “¡Hijo de perra! Fuck!”
Velvette laughed and took a picture. The bitch.
“Oh, no!” The pet store owner came over and reached out, but Valentino swung it around and knocked her out cold with the landshark’s body.
With a snarl, Val reached out with his other hands to yank it off him, but with those teeth unmoving, he decided he would slaughter it instead.
“Val!” Velvette called out. “Look at his tail!”
“What about its–” Val stopped. It didn’t hurt as much anymore. The fucking thing was still wagging its tail. It looked happy? He was still annoyed, but now more confused. “That wasn’t an attack?”
“Nah. Don’t think so.” Velvette took another picture. “Set him on the ground. He might let go.”
It would let go if he slammed his fist through its skull too. Curling his lip, Val lowered it to the ground. It let go, licking his hand before eating its meat prize.
“Maybe that’s the smart one,” said Velvette.
“You mean the stupid one? No self-preservation.” He could shoot it right now. Val had his guns.
“He got one whole steak to himself and you got him out of his cage.”
Val took a drag from his cigarette. “Huh. Correlation doesn’t mean causation, babydoll.”
It rubbed up against his leg. He heard the scratching before he could step back. “Fuck! It scratched my boot!”
Velvette squatted down and put her hand on the thing. “Ooo. Yeah. I read something about having to grind these down. It’s as rough as regular shark skin can be.”
“NOW?” Valentino shrieked. It tried to lick his boot. “Get away from me! I’m gonna kill it!” He went for his gun.
“Don’t you dare!” Velvette stood up. “This one’s Vox’s!”
Val didn’t go for his gun. “I’ll throw it at his damn face!”
“That’s fine.”
It bounced past him. Val and Velvette watched as the landshark went to the hellhound on the floor and ate her.
“Okay, we can get that one,” said Val. “Shit.”
“I’m never leaving my room door open again.”
Neither was he. If Vox wanted to get eaten alive… well, he was the one who liked sharks. Maybe he would be into it.
Valentino picked up a crate and some food. Velvette got the thing to go into the crate.
It was time to surprise Vox, but all Val could see was the end of his life. Er, afterlife.
…but setting this new acquisition loose in a less productive office could be fun.