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If Evan Buckley could trace back the relationship that fucked him up the most it would be Abby Clark in 1st place closely followed by Taylor Kelly. Well at least that is what his therapist said and he couldn’t really argue on that one. As if it wasn't obvious but those two relationships really caused him some issues. It was clear he didn’t continue to have the best taste in women as his relationships continued. He figured he would take some time after Natalia to be by himself and not worry about romance. That was until Tommy Kinard walked into his life and turned it upside down.
Their first date was a disaster. There was no way around that, Buck made an absolute ass out of himself and spent the next couple of days beating himself up. But thank god he has Maddie and Eddie in his life to steer him back on track. He finally plucked up this courage to call Tommy and ask him to coffee and talk.
Thankfully the coffee date went better than Buck could have ever imagined. He not only smoothed things over but he also got himself a date to Maddie’s wedding.
“So is this date 1.5?” Buck asked jokingly as they threw away their cups, his empty , Tommy’s completely full.
“We can consider it that. I would like to squeeze in a few more dates if we can before your sister’s wedding” He smiled and looked the younger man in the eyes.
“I’d really like that” Buck all but melted and didn’t even realize he had reached out to hold Tommy’s hand till their fingers were interlaced. He waited for the pilot to pull away or question if he was sure but that never came, all he felt was a gentle squeeze from Tommy as they walked out of the cafe.
The next couple dates were amazing! Buck was actually able to relax now when the two men were out in public. They hadn’t been able to go on many in person dates but talked and texted daily. Their third official date was dinner at Tommy’s place. They both wanted a simple night in after a hectic work week. So there Buck was, sat at a bar stool at the island in Tommy’s kitchen as he took a sip from his beer and watched the hot pilot cook them dinner.
“Enjoying the view Evan?” Tommy asked when noticed his date as he stared at him.
“Very much so.” Buck smirked and took a swig from the glass bottle.
“Is this the famous buck 1.0 flirting that I’ve heard Hen and Howie talk about?” Tommy asked with only humor in his tone, as he turned back to the stove.
There it was, it was like a gut punch. Not because Tommy knew about his self-diagnosed sex addict days but because of who brought him out of the stage of his life. He didn’t understand why this affected him the way it did. He had other dates and girlfriend’s find out about that phase of his life but for some reason having Tommy bring it up nearly knocked the wind out of him.
“Evan? Are you ok?” Tommy spoke softly as he walked to the younger man's side. Buck hadn't noticed that he had gone silent for as long as he did but he looked up at the other man and took a deep breath.
“Yeah, no. I don't know. I am proud of how far I have come since those Buck 1.0 days. It is just the person who pulled me out of those days also caused a lot of problems once she left. And I don’t talk about it much with potential romantic partners.” Buck shrugged and broke his gaze away from Tommy’s. Why was he feeling like this? He thought he had fully healed from all of this. But something about Tommy asking him that question, even though he knew it was a joke, scared him.
“Evan, I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you upset. The way they talked about it made it seem like something you joke about. I hope you know it’s never my intention to hurt you.” Tommy had turned off the stove quickly before he took a seat next to Evan.
“No, I know that. And it usually is something I joke about. I have no clue why you bringing it up affected me this way. But it did. Abby did some real damage when she left and I thought that I had healed from it but something about you knowing that, I guess it scares me.” Buck took a deep breath and looked Tommy in the eyes.
He listened intently as Evan spoke once he finished Tommy reached for the other man's hand and encased it between both of his.
“We are moving at your pace Evan. You tell me what you are ready to share and I’ll be here.” Tommy gave the hand in his hand a squeeze,” I’m not going anywhere just because you have some baggage and enough near death experiences to last a lifetime. But that makes you, you and I like learning all about you.”
“Thank you. I’ve never had someone I’m interested in, be so understanding.” Buck gave a small chuckle. “So about Abby..” and with that Buck dove into the entire story of his romance with her.
“Evan, I am so sorry she put you through that. It sounds like she was going through a lot but putting you through that was not ok.” Tommy gave him a sad smile, not out of pity but out of confusion on how anyone could treat this man like that. Buck smiled back at the man in front of him and leaned in to kiss the man. When they pulled away Tommy placed his hand on Bucks cheek and gently stroked it with his thumb.
~~~~~~~~~~~
It had been three months since Tommy and Buck became official. Neither one of them could be happier with the response they received from the 118 and Maddie. Everyone was so happy that Buck finally found someone who treated him right, but don’t worry there was a collective “hurt him we hurt you” talk. Buck was slightly embarrassed but he knew it came from a place of love.
Bobby and Athena were throwing a barbecue; they just wanted to get the team together for a night. It was kept pretty small, it was the usual crew plus their partners and kids. It was Tommy’s first 118 get together, he was mostly excited and just a little nervous. The two men hopped out of Buck’s jeep and linked hands as they walked to the front door. Tommy’s grip was a little tighter than normal.
“You ok?” Buck paused just before he opened the door and looked up at his boyfriend.
“Yeah this is just new territory for me. It’s a little odd.” Tommy explained with a shrug, “I don’t know why I am even nervous. I know the majority of people in there. I guess I..” he was cut off by the door opening.
“Why are you standing outside instead of joining us?” It was Athena on the other side of the door with a hand on her hip. “Not trying to skip out on us are you?”
“We were just about to head in. We wouldn’t dare miss a grant-nash barbecue!” Buck responded with a big smile and led Tommy into the house.
The couple did their rounds and said hello to everyone as they grabbed drinks and food.
It was about an hour later and Tommy was in a deep discussion with Howie about why Love Actually is still his favorite movie. But he lost his train of thought when he caught Evan with niece out of the corner of his eye. Chimney didn’t make an attempt to pull him back to the conversation. It made Tommy’s heart flutter when he heard Evan’s laughter mix with Jee’s as the two played with the dinosaur toys in front of them.. He felt himself smile as he watched the scene play out.
After an amazing night at Bobby and Athena's, the couple curled up together on Tommy's couch as they watched a movie that had been suggested to them by Ravi. It was some cheesy 90s action flick that had some really bad CGI.
Tommy looked down at the man tucked into his side and couldn’t help but smile and kiss him on the top of the head. He thought back to the sight from earlier, how it made his heart swell and put a smile on his face.
“Evan,” he spoke without realizing and the younger man looked up at him, “I love you”
There was a look of shock in Buck's face but Tommy could tell it wasn’t bad shock, just shock.
“I love you too.” The firefighter smiled and leaned into kiss his boyfriend. “I was planning on saying that next weekend on our date” Buck chuckled breathlessly
“Well I beat you too it” Tommy gave him his classic big smile “and I won’t stop saying it now, I love you Evan Buckley”
“I don’t want to stop hearing it. I love you too, Tommy Kinard” he leaned in for another kiss
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In the weeks since the couple exchanged I love yous Buck has been on cloud nine. But he could feel the insecurities creeping their way back into his head. He tried to shove them away but they wormed their way in.
So as he sat at the bar with his boyfriend and some of the members of the 118 he started to over think. He hadn't noticed that he started to chew on his lip and zone out as he stared at his beer.
Eddie caught it first and quirked an eyebrow up in his best friend's direction. “You ok Buck?”
“Yeah sorry, I just got lost in thought. It’s just been a long day.” Buck shrugged and did his best to put on a believable smile. Which both Tommy and Eddie saw through but didn’t want to push him while they were in public. There was a silent conversation between the two men that Tommy would pry a little bit later when they were alone. The team spent the rest of the night chatting and had a good time. Buck did his best to keep up with the group and ignore the ugly thoughts as much as he could.
It wasn’t until Tommy and Buck were in the firefighters bed that Tommy broke the silence.
“Baby, what was running through your head tonight at the bar?”
Buck took a deep breath, then sighed as he sat up and leaned against the headboard Tommy followed suit and angled himself to look at his boyfriend.
“Are you sure you want to be with me?” Buck finally asked as he looked at his hands down to avoid eye contact.
“Evan, what kind of question is that? Of course I want to be with you. I love you!” Tommy answered and shifted closer so he could pull the younger man into him.
“I have waited my whole life to be loved like this. But then every time I think I have found that person they leave or I buck it up. I don’t want this to end Tommy, I love you so much but I can’t stop worrying that you will start to think I’m too much or not worth it. That I have too much baggage. I don’t know, it’s stupid. ” Buck had no intention of saying that but it just word vomited out of him.
“Evan Buckley,” Tommy spoke and gently used his hand to make Buck look at him,” I am not going anywhere for as long as you want me. I love you. No, ands, ifs or buts” he gave the other man a gentle smile and kissed him.
Tommy’s words and the feel of his lips on Bucks really put the firefighters mind at ease and he relaxed into his boyfriend's embrace.
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So the months turned into years. More specifically, for two years, Buck and Tommy were stronger than ever. The pilot eased Buck’s mind whenever those pesky thoughts ever started to creep their way back. But it became less frequent as time went on. The couple had moved in together around the one year mark. It was nice that they no longer had to be apart from each other except for work..
But Buck was ready to take it to the next step because of that he found himself sat with his sister as they drafted his proposal speech. They had been at it for hours, everything felt wrong or too much or not enough.
“Maddie, I don’t understand why nothing is working,” Buck threw himself against the back of the couch in exasperation.
“Because you are overthinking it!” The elder Buckley sibling chuckled as she gently tossed a small pillow at her brother.
“How can I not?” Buck grunted as he brought the pillow over his face. “It’s not every day you are planning to propose to your super hot pilot boyfriend.”
“True but this is Tommy we are talking about. He would love your proposal no matter what.” Maddie smiled as she pulled the pillow away from his face.”Just speak from the heart. Tell him exactly what you feel towards him.”
“What if he says no.” Buck spoke softly and casted his gaze down.
“He won't. That man loves you so much.” Maddie turned to look at her younger brother.
“You think so?” Buck felt his cheeks heat up as he smiled.
“I know so, the way he looks at you when you aren’t looking makes it so obvious.,” Maddie was cut off by her husband,
“And gross.” Chimney added as he entered the dining room.
“Thank you Chim.” Buck chuckled and stood up, “I should probably head out before Tommy gets home and wonders where I am.”
“Ok let me know if you need any more help.” Maddie smiled and gave her brother a hug before he walked out of the house.
A few days later Buck and Tommy finally had the same day off so they went out. They didn't really have any plans on where to go. They ended up at the same cafe they had date 1.5 all that time ago and even ended up at the same table.
“Hard to believe over 2 years ago you asked me to your date to your sister's wedding” Tommy chuckled as he took a sip of his coffee and reached out his other hand for his boyfriends.
“I’m so glad you agreed even after the disaster that was our first date” Buck placed his hand in Tommy’s and gave it a squeeze.
“It was all new to you. I couldn't hold that against you. I just didn’t want to push you.” The pilot smiled and rubbed his thumb against the firefighters hand.
“Well you are the best thing that has happened to me in a long time. I knew there was something different about this relationship. I didn’t have this sense of urgency when we started dating. It was like subconsciously I knew there wasn’t a time limit on this. . Maddie says she has never seen me happier. Tommy, you're the love of my life.” And without thinking Buck dropped down on one knee “this wasn’t how I planned to do this but when you know you know. So Thomas Kinard, will you marry me?”
Even though this wasn’t how he planned it he had been keeping the ring on him just in case inspiration struck and the time felt right. So he pulled out the red velvet box from his jacket pocket and opened it as he looked at Tommy. His boyfriend had tears in his beautiful blue eyes and a smile that went all the way to his eyes.
“Evan Buckley, of course I’ll marry you!” Tommy stood up and grabbed his now fiancés face to give him a kiss. As they parted Buck slipped the ring in Tommy’s finger. It took a second to notice the applause from those around them. The two of them kissed again before they sat down in their seats. Smiles never left their faces. Buck pulled out his phone before he grabbed Tommy’s left hand to send a picture to Maddie with the text that said “I figured it out.”